Writing a newspaper report − Andy

Objectives
The relevant framework objectives are:

• sentence − write with differing degrees of formality, relating vocabulary and

grammar to context (for example using the active or passive voice)
• text: writing − integrate diverse information into a coherent and
comprehensive account
• text: writing − make telling use of descriptive detail (for example eyewitness
accounts, sports reports, travel writing).

Activity description
The class compared articles in a tabloid and a broadsheet paper as part of a unit of
work on newspapers. They noted and commented on descriptive language in reports
and then reflected on the extent to which news reports are objective.

The class looked at typical structures of newspaper writing, such as the use of 'what',
'where', 'who', 'when' and 'how' to structure opening paragraphs, and the use of
eyewitness accounts. They revised the use of complex sentences in such writing.
Then the pupils used information they had been given about a fictional accident as a
basis for writing news reports.

Andy's work for this activity can be compared with Joanne's work.

Commentary
Andy's report is clearly structured, with an opening paragraph that covers the key
information. The other paragraphs each address an aspect of the story, giving more
detail about the accident and what led to it.

Andy has not planned exactly where to locate points of interest and he has tended to
repeat information, for example the facts about the accident. The last two sentences,
which draw the report to the conclusion, would have been better placed in a separate
paragraph. The first of the two concluding sentences is the more successful ('An
investigation is still underway'). The seconds reads rather like the moral of a story
and the tone is not sufficiently formal ('So it just goes to show that Drinking and
Driving... can cost lives of loads of people').

(c) 2001 QCA 1/4 designed by keymedia

Although Andy's writing is clear, it is not always in the style of a report. Andy has
overused some devices, such as quoting numbers. His style is sometimes suitably
formal ('Oliver Adams who was Giles Adams' brother also died in the car crash'), but
he finds this hard to sustain.

Andy has experimented with impersonal sentence structures and complex

subordination. Often, his ambitious sentences are not fully coherent; they tend to be
slightly congested ('the 22 year old sports car ploughed into an elderly couple's car
shunting it 80 yards from where it hit the car'). Informal phrases slip in ('aload of
shops'). Nonetheless, he has used passives, non−finite verb clauses, subordination
and adverbial phrases ('Through the 22 year olds stupidity'), and his writing only
needs a little reworking to be effective.

Andy has conveyed the drama of the accident through emphasising the speed of the
car and through his choice of verbs ('ploug[h]ed', 'shunting'). The eyewitness
accounts are lively, although the choice of detail is not always appropriate, for
example his reference to the danger of cats and dogs being run over. Andy has
forcefully conveyed his opinion about the rights and wrongs of the incident, leaving
the reader in no doubt about what to feel.

Although the writing is largely accurate, Andy has rarely used commas in speech or
to mark clauses. He has made some spelling errors ('plouged', 'aload', 'surving',
'turbance'), some of which may be the result of writing at speed.

Andy's writing shows qualities that match some of the features expected for level 5 in
writing. To further develop his writing, Andy needs to:

• redraft some of the more complicated sentences to ensure that they read
clearly and coherently
• find alternative words to make the tone more consistently formal
• consider how he can convey a point of view more subtly
• use commas to mark clauses.

(c) 2001 QCA 2/4 designed by keymedia

Items of work
Andy's article, 'Death at Speed'

(c) 2001 QCA 3/4 designed by keymedia

About this entry
Subject: English
Year: 9
Key stage: 3
NC programme of study: En3p1e, En3p1f, En3p1g, En3p1h
Attainment target: En3
Evidence for: level 5
Framework for teaching English − objectives:

Sentence level

3. write with differing degrees of formality, relating vocabulary and grammar to

context

Text: writing

9. integrate diverse information into a coherent and comprehensive account

11. make telling use of descriptive detail

(c) 2001 QCA 4/4 designed by keymedia