Resumen D’Angelos DIG

Existen 4 herramientas básicas para enfrentar cualquier situación. Cada una de ellas
produce un efecto, los que en conjunto me llevan a la realización personal.

Problem Solving Tools Effect: Fulfillment

- Personal Boundary - Strength

- Decision Making power - Freedom

(free will)

- Intelect, ideas - Success

(time management included)

- Manage of emotional energy - Happiness

El Boundary es la fortaleza (metafórica) que poseo para proteger mis 3 tesoros:

MI Poder de Decisión, MIS Ideas y MIS Emociones.

Mi Boundary separa lo que controlo/me-pertenece de lo que no. Debo definirlo,

arreglarlo y construirlo, de manera tener claro hasta dónde me responsabilizo y hasta
dónde pueden llegar los demás1, evitando el sufrimiento2; y debe ser semipermeable, de
manera de dejar entrar lo bueno y no lo malo, a gusto, “puerta con manija por dentro”.

Con cualquier problema (sin Boundary) se pasa por las siguientes etapas

- Stress. Se trata con una decisión. Si persiste afecta tu carácter/personalidad.

- Psicológica. Se trata con terapia. Si persiste te afecta física/biológicamente.
- Biológica. Se trata con medicamentos.

Con educación podemos dominar la parte psicológica para evitar o manejar el stress.

Economía Psicológica: Fuerza, Tiempo/Ideas, Libertad, Amor.

Las intercambiamos con todos constantemente.

Dos personas se conocen, intercambian energías, ideas y toman decisiones juntos.

Dejan de ser independientes y pasan a la intimidad (no Boundary entre ellos, sino uno
sólo más grande con más recursos). Mucho tiempo así es destructivo, crea
codependencia y alguien termina mal. Lo óptimo es la interdependencia3.

El éxito, lograr una meta, hace que tu Boundary crezca. (no tu autoestima, ojo).

En tu Boundary pueden haber huecos, muros y/o puertas. El juego ahora es convertirlos
todos en puertas.
1
Ex. No puedo cambiar a nadie, nadie me puede pasar a llevar (tomando mis decisiones, ideas y/o
emociones)
2
Gasto de Energía Emocional en lo que no puedo controlar. La E. E. es lo que me mueve, por lo que
tengo que hacer un sabio uso de ella.
3
Ir y venir entre independencia e intimidad de forma sana, equilibrada.
Cada decisión que tomamos puede ser constructiva o destructiva. Con suficientes
repeticiones se crean hábitos. Nuestro Observing Ego4 nos permitirá crear hábitos
positivos.

DECISION (will)
Impulsiveness No (or too slow) decisions
Conscience (ético duro) Wisdom Intuition

El extremo izquierdo es el “deber ser”, muy ético, niño bueno, wussy.

El extremo derecho es puro “ser”, no ético, niño malo, Animal Instinct.

Ambos son elementos que debemos alimentar de manera de llegar al equilibrio

(wisdom). La forma de alimentarlos es tomando decisiones, aún cuando sean malas,
erróneas y/o destructivas.

Mi conciencia me dice si soy constructivo o destructivo.

Mi intuición me dice si mi entorno es constructivo o destructivo.

Debo calibrar mi decisión dependiendo de las circunstancias.

Las personas exitosas toman una decisión tras otra, asumiendo el error, aprendiendo de
él y avanzando, “there’s no downside” way of thinking.
Las personas fracasadas temen al error, incluso llegando a la parálisis.

El intelecto nos lleva al éxito

INTELECT (mind)
Confusion Too narrow and inflexible
Education Genius Experience

El extremo izquierdo es ultra teórico, universidad tradicional, libros. Cuadrado.

El extremo derecho es ultra práctico, “universidad de la vida”, la calle. Flexible.

Ambos son elementos que debemos alimentar de manera de llegar al equilibrio.5 Los
alimento estudiando un guía y viviendo/socializando.

Moléculas Psicológicas
Intention: Decission + Intellect (evaluador de metas) // + Emotion = Mature Action
Belief: Idea with an emotional energy charge (positive or negative)
Time Management: Ideas + Boundary. Genios con reglas claras = Magos del Tiempo.
Communication: Emotional Energy + Ideas. “Excuse me” “EXCUSE ME!!!”
Mature Masculine Power6: Observing Ego + Mature Personal Boundary + Confidence
Politics: Decision making Skill + Mature Boundary.7
4
O.E.: Habilidad en tiempo real para monitorear nuestro comportamiento
5
Fill yourself with rejection if you’re a perfectionist. It will clear your view towards your boundary.
Then you’ll know exactly where you are and then you’ll appreciate more your successes
6
6
It doesn’t include intellect, it’s not necessary. Lots of leaders without it, but leaders still.
7
With mature decisions over my boundary doors I can be more efficient with my S. E. I decide whether I
spend or not energy on any situation according to my preferences
 SE EMOTION (heart)
Anxiety Neutral Anger (sadness)
Confidence Happiness Well Being

El extremo izquierdo es la Ansiedad : Ataque de Pánico, Terror, Miedo, Susto.

El extremo derecho es la Ira : Molestia, Enojo, Rabia.

Todos ellos son señales: te dicen que hagas algo para cambiar

Bienestar: Extremo femenino de la Autoestima (maternal).

Relación directa con las necesidades satisfechas.
Confidence: Extremo masculino de la Autoestima (paterno).
Relación directa con tomar riesgos.

Cuando el Stress pasa el Boundary, llega a nosotros en dos formas:

- Hurt => Ira
- Loss => Ansiedad

La Ira se produce por

- Hurt (Outside)
- Needs not Met (Inside): Low on Well Being => Hole in Boundary

A mayor necesidades satisfechas mayor el Boundary. Si el Hurt pasa, cancela tu W.B.

Hay 3 formas de lidiar con la ira.

- No hacer nada. Conduce a la depresión y/o a la tristeza. Por eso son lo mismo
- Forma destructiva: La agresión. La violencia. Win-Lose, childish quick fix.
- Forma constructiva: La asertividad. Win-Win.

Scarcity Thinking: Plantea que en el mundo hay bienes escasos por lo tanto hay que
competir, o sea, alguien va siempre a perder. Base de la agresión.

If someone attacks you, you could:

- Submit to it
- Run away
- Fight back : Gasta energía innecesariamente, gastas well being
- Put up your Shield : They’ll tire out and go away
Do it as many times needed in that moment. This is how you use your boundary

Cycle of Violence: I Hurt You – You Hurt Me (forever and ever when there’s no O.E.)
If you have O.E. you can make a decision to a constructive way out: Assertiveness

To Assert: To get your own needs met independent to other people in a way that
doesn’t hurt them. It’s patient, discipline, mature. Delayed gratification over quick fix.

The Stress generates the feeling of Hurt which takes the form of Anger.
You overcome Anger with Assertiveness, guaranteeing you 100% getting Well Being.
This is how you mother yourself.
La Ansiedad se produce por

- Loss - or threatened loss or imagined loss (outside)

- Lack of Confidence

3 formas de lidiar con él (Pasiva, Destructiva, Constructiva)

- Impulsivness (passive, you let it run the show): Acting without thinking first.
There’s overeating, overspending, addictions, etc., creando mayor ansiedad

- Masoquism: Actitud de víctima, quejumbrosa, lastimera8.

Cycle of Masoquism: Enrollarse dándole vueltas y vueltas al asunto provocando
que en la mente suceda más veces de lo que en realidad
fueron, una ilusión.
Pérdida => Ansiedad => Masoquismo (Preocupación) => Pérdida

- Courage: It is do the right thing. It isn’t bravery neither fearless. You can have
courage at any moment when deciding to do the right thing9 (guided by your
conscience and intuition)

Courage is going with all you got. Whatever happens, happens. You’re ready to face death. Courage is a
decision, you decide to use courage. It’s not something you have to have or find. It’s already in you to
be used. Corage is often an action and bodyish for everybody who is analytical, overeducated and
lacking of experience, obsessive and too in his head: Courage is DOING.

The Stress generates the feeling of Loss which takes the form of Anxiety.
You overcome Anxiety with Courage, guaranteeing you 100% getting Confidence,
independent of the outcome. This is how you father yourself.

Some definitions related to Emotions.

The shadow: The long bag we drag behind us filled with all the repressed parts of our
personality, pushed out into our conscience. When we’re born we’re complete, and
slide by slide gets torn when they say “no” “don’t do this” “bad” “it’s wrong”, and
suddenly there’s left a slice left with a huge bag dragging along.

Ego Defenses: Auto-pilot strategy that your mind uses for dealing with situations that
come up. There’s a range of Ego Defenses, from immature to mature ones.
- Immature E.D.: Denial, Projection
- Mature E.D.: Anticipation, Altruism, Humor

Projection: It’s easier to see bad stuff on others. It’s easier to see good stuff on others
too, even though you could shine even more don’t recognize your own greatness.

Ethics: Internal sense of right vs. wrong, constructiveness vs. destructiveness; that
comes out of making a lot of decisions and paying attention to their effect on the people
around you. With ethics you learn how to act constructively. It answers the question
“what do you do with temptation?” Choose ethics that work for you and stick by them
8
It’s often heard “I deserve to bitch about that” as if it was cool being neurotic!
9
It’s interesting: Just before of the moment of courage WE ARE MORE ALONE in our lives than ever
Wussy

- Someone who has a lot of holes in his boundary (not defined an identity nor
have a lot of preferences and suffers greatly – wasting energy, burning fuel, in
things he doesn’t control), having “cyphen hoes”
- Unconsciously welcomes or likes a woman to come in and take over his decision
making so he doesn’t have to do it. (In a way this is sort of like needing
parenting: this guy needs a mommy, needs a daddy)
- Is willing to let other people to come in and run the machinery of the psichology

Emotion

Anxiety Anger
Confidence Well Being

Intelligence

Education Experience

Decision

Conscience Intuition

- Decision: Too much heavy on super ego, too much ethics to match all the
environments he is in, not much shrewdness (very important when defining a W)
- Education: More educated than experienced. You don’t call a wuss to someone
who has a bunch of experience, lots of stories.
- Emotion: They tend to be nurturers but not mature nurturers, more like boy
nurture. They like a woman who acts like she needs them = a boy wanting
mommy to need him

All people start out immature when we’re born so maturity is our task through our lives.
Almost never chronological age match psychological age. Ex. Boss who isn’t able to
behave above the age of 17. A family member who is 40-50 who a behaves like a 20
years-old. This is because there are faces in life when we stop growing for a time and
we became fixated, stopping growing. This happens when we stop using our O.E. or
maybe we never learn to use it on the first place. Imagine what happens when
generation after generation your parents psychological age is around 20, how mature
they could teach you to be; not talking about them getting busy with 2 or 3 jobs, never
with you, not using their O.E… a downward maturity.
But there are forces that break down that destiny: Religion and Psychoanalysis.
They both are a character instruction for people
Individuation
Ability to become more of an individual a unique talented gifted being while at the
same time realize how much the same you are, just how like other people you are.

Adult

Parents

Born

Teen

When we are born we don’t have much of a boundary nor any resources inside. Over
the years, hopefully, our parents fill us up with good stuff and tell us no a lot, we go
through the terrible “to”, we say no a lot in order to test our boundary.
By our teen years we start butting off from the parents and we start individuating, where
we are different from our parents and our boundaries are still weak out there on the
world and get some deals going with various kinds of peer groups and try to see which
group feels like most like us, and we start associating with that group and being fed by
that group (D.I.E.) and that starts collecting until one day we are totally and truly
independent from our parents and related to particular groups through politics and yet
separate and distinct.

Past is not equal future. Most people walk around reliving who they were all the time
rather than constantly challenging who they were all the time. Your mind is a bullshiter
machine, change those beliefs.

Affirmations
- Things just work out for me in life
- My life just keeps getting better and better everyday
- I’m strong powerful, committed and driven
- I adapt an overcome at lightning speed
- I’m comfortable with hot women being attracted to me
- I’m the power
The world’s best says I have no idea what he’s doing, “but I trust my unconscious and it
works!” Stop trying to do everything right, being nervous and overly concerned, lose
that anxiety and awkwardness. Talk to your unconscious and tell it what you want to
produce for you. Then you relax and let it do its thing, unattached of the outcome. I’ll
know what to do in a situation. And if I screw, guess what, I’ll learn something.

Projecting High Status

This is done by the way you handle situations that compromise your boundaries.
Your tone, your choice words, your emotional state when communicating.
“You have to be able to walk away from anything in 3 seconds when the heat is around
the corner”. At the end of the day you have to be with yourself, and if you compromise
who you are is much more difficult.

Emotional Control
Stop seeking approval. You’re putting your validation and self-esteem in someone
else’s hands. Do you share your successes to get validated?

Self Appointment
“The reason you don’t success is you haven’t failed enough, you need to fail more and
faster”. Ironically more wisdom and knowledge are gained in failure. When you
practice a lot you get to a point where you respond unconsciously. Everything happens
so fast you don’t have time to think. Your unconscious will know what to do. I ‘ve
taken the time and worked everything I had to, now I play to get better and better.

Ego Protection
It’s just there, naturally. I have to make a deal with it: I’m on a journey almost no one
is willing to make, learning things most won’t ever know and that will require me to fail
a lot and look dumb at times, but who I am is bigger than protect my ego and at the end
of the day I will be stronger and far beyond the path. At the end of the day I can take
pride of my failures instead of beating myself over them.

Toxic nostalgia. Let go the past to free yourself on the present.

Lies: Ideas patching holes on your boundary.

Build a new future, then the past won’t matter (past average girlfriend, current top
girlfriend)

Dearing to tolerate the unknown and make the unknown work for you. It takes courage
to dive into the unknown rather than stay in the familiar jail.

“A man has many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him”
- William James
You have as many doors as people you know, deals you’re in, etc.

“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail”
- Abraham Maslow

“A particular beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a

terrible disappointment”
- Carl Jung
Idealization, that’s why.
Problem
You are the cure to every problem.

Mastering
1.- Do I control it? Boundary Out or In
2.- Does it make me unhappy? Emotional Courage. Assertiveness
3.- Any failures/flaws? Intellect Time. Intention
Education, Experience
4.- Am I trapped? Decision Intuitive, Conscious
5.- Vague Words? Boundary Define it

O.E.

Emotion

Anxiety Anger
Confidence Well Being

Intelligence

Education Experience

Decision

Conscience Intuition

Cualquier problema lo podemos llevar a este tipo de análisis. El juego consiste en

ubicar en que condiciones estamos (X) y luego ajustar cada espectro a su centro y el
Boundary con puerta, de manera que cada cosa esté en su lugar y, por ende, el problema
solucionado.

When having a target site on goal, we need (that is intention):

- Our left brain, education, booksmarts, to keep our sites on the goal.
- Our experience, streetsmarts, to makes us flexible for getting around obstacles
- Our intuition to read the best environments to choose to shoot for a certain goal
- Our conscience or ethics to do the right thing
A nivel colectivo, boundary and resources funcionan de la misma manera: varias
personas se agrupan para combinarlos y tener un boundary, decision y/o emoción grupal

- Do you share the same ideas of them?

- Will you tolerate the amount of wholes some of them have?10
- How stressful is the environment?11

Innovador

Leader

Others

New Guy

10
It could be a nightmare, them crossing into your territory saying “Hey, I want your gold”
11
If people are full of self esteem, it’ll be a pretty stress-free environment, a pretty happy place to be. But
if there’s a lot of anger or anxiety (and people with poor boundaries) you’ll be some sort of dumping
ground for all of it.
Psychological Integration.

King: Protector of a Kingdom, lots of Well Being, nurturing man, directs other people
to run into battle, advisor, brings order to the kingdom
Warrior: Logical, orderly and targeted (it keeps the eyes on a goal). A take charge kind
of guy, the first to go into battle, very confident, sometimes even lacking Well
Being
Magician: The first to be on stage, willing to be a performer. Love to dance or to do
acting, taking adventures, (suddenly quit a job and travel the world for a year
because why not), willing to take action, imaginative, very flexible
Lover: (or poet or fool) Very artistic and flexible thinking but not very action, not very
out the in the world and confident but more nurturing, full of Well Being

EMOTION
Well Being

KING LOVER

INTELLECT Education Experience

WARRIOR MAGICIAN

Confidence

Según nuestro temperamento, empezamos en algún punto lejos del centro. Debemos
trabajar por llegar a él (realización personal). Esto implica un gran trabajo, de mucho
tiempo y constancia, para llegar a ser alguien completo12.

12
Las decisiones constructivas llevan hacia el centro, las destructivas llevan hacia los extremos.
 Anger Chart
Assertiveness Aggression
Const Dest

Decision

Active

WELL BEING 1/α ANGER Hurt STRESS

Satisfaction Passive
Needs Met

Depression

Anxiety Chart
Courage Masoquism
Const Dest

Decision

Active

CONFIDENCE 1/α ANXIETY Loss STRESS

“F or F”
Passive

$ Impulsiveness
Food
Addiction