The Sinister Plans of the Students and the Rhino

by: J. Curtis

WARNING: This book will take you on an

adventure of dirty, sexual, fucking tasteless fun.
So please if you are underage I suggest you put
down this book and get a children’s book. This
book is not intended for younger ages. Please
show ID when reading this book. Or I will find you.

The following book is vulgar, offensive, sexual,

racist, sexist, and down right wrong. It also
includes vulgar uses of misspelling and
grammatical errors and Scientology.
Introduction for the Rhinos:

Life…Where does it come from? What is its

purpose? We all ask questions, but we never have
Answers. Hopefully this compelling story can
answer your life’s toughest questions. In this book
you will learn the tales of where life comes from.
The tales of men with ambition and a better way
of life and grits. When I wrote this book I had only
one thing on my mind…How fucked up can I make
this book. So I will poison your mind and be as
dirty as possible. Now please sit back and enjoy a
wonderful world of poon tang.

Chapter 1. Life

Somewhere in America at 1:34 am. A

woman was giving birth the head was coming
right of her vagina and there was blood
everywhere. The blood was so massive that the
hospital janitor could not clean it up there was so
much fucking blood that it was as thick as a black
cock and flowing like old fucking faithful. When
the baby finally came out it was a boy. A boy who

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was now named Glenn Beck. The happy family
went home and circumcised the child. But
accidentally cut off the whole penis. So baby
Glenn was to live life without a penis. Glenn Beck
turned 12 years old. He dreamt about being a
radio announcer. One with deep thoughts and he
wanted to change the world one day. Like his
biggest role model Martin Luther King Jr. By the
time he was 13 he started going through puberty.
In school the gym teacher had to show a video
about sex and growing up. That’s when Glenn
Beck realized he didn’t have what the other boys
in school had. A penis. So Glenn went home crying
and asked his mom what happened to his john
roger. His mother could only tell so much. So she
just said “I cut it off by accident.” So Glenn went
up to his room took out his box of Lego’s and Silly
Putty and crafted himself the best penis he could
create. It was 12 inches long and soft and squishy
like rubber. He went to school the next day and all
the boys were jealous of how big his cock got
overnight and it was turning on the ladies. During
math class his teacher Mr. Johnson couldn’t stop
looking at Glenn’s penis and licking his lips. Mr.
Johnson was secretly hiding an erection and a
deep dark secret…He was a pedophile. So the
class ended and Mr. Johnson called Glenn Beck
back into the room. Then with one swoop Mr.
Johnson ripped off his pants and started to kiss
Glenn and Glenn was starting to cry. And Mr.
Johnson put his finger in Glenn’s butt hole. Mr.
Johnson pulled out Glenn’s wiener to realize it was
fake. And Mr. Johnson punched Glenn Beck smack
right in the face. Glenn ran out crying. When the
parents found out what happened to Glenn. Mr.
Johnson was immediately arrested and put into a
cell with one of America’s most notorious killers
the one and only Charles Manson. Glenn was so
emotionally disturbed that he was admitted into

3
the psychiatric hospital until he turned 21 years of
age. While he was there he was given drugs to
calm him down and a bed in which had locks and
straps on it. Glenn Beck started to read Mein
Kampf and started to refer everything in life to
Nazi Germany. When Glenn was released from the
hospital 8 years later. He started to go to college
to pursue his life long dream of being a radio
super star. So he went to the school of Men and
Woman who really want to fail in life. Or
SMWWRFL for short. This terrible no budget school
was the skid mark in the underpants of society. It
was full of failures with no chance of getting a real
job or a real life.4 years later Glenn got a fake
degree in radio bullshit. And Glenn was so happy
and he got a call from Fox News to be part of his
own show where he will rant about stupid bullshit
and write stuff on a chalkboard. Thus Glenn Beck
history’s biggest dick less douche bag was born.

Chapter 2: The History of War. Part 1

War? What is it? Where did it come from?

Why do we fight? The question of war is a
question of why we live to fight our mortal
enemies. My name is Lieutenant Patrick Bershall
and this is my story. I was only 18 years old when
I decided to join the World war number 2. We
were deployed into Normandy on a day in which
they called D-Day. I wasn’t fighting for the
Americans or any of the Allied parties. I was
enrolled as a Nazi solider. Under the great power

4
of the Third Reich. Under the great name of Adolf
Hitler. We were losing the battle. Bodies of my
Nazi brothers were dropping left and right. I was
all alone in a corner when two American soldiers
picked me up and took me prisoner. They knocked
me out with the butt of their guns. And I was
taken away. When the battle ended I found myself
by myself in a room with bright lights and a
horrifying torture device. So horrifying in fact it
made Adolf’s plans look like a playground. I was
tied to a chair and a man came in. He was a big
mean looking true born American man. He started
to ask questions about Germany’s plan. I wouldn’t
mutter a word. One thing is I didn’t know any
English. So he called in a translator. The translator
came in. I still didn’t mutter a word. I was proud of
my country. So I couldn’t tell my countries secrets
of world domination. So the big man pulled out a
machete and swiped off my penis in one swipe. I
screamed in pain as blood came rushing out of my
body. They threw me back into my cell. A few
months went by and there was news that the
Japanese attacked America’s beloved Pearl
Harbor. The battle was long and the Americans
were being shit on by Japan’s fighter pilots. So
after the battle the Americans dropped a new
weapon on Hiroshima, Japan. Something called
the atomic bomb created by the scientist Albert
Einstein. Japan was devastated and they felt they
lost the war. Hitler was dead the Russians found
out our secrets. Dead Jewish bodies were buried in
the ground like landfills. This was the worst war I
have ever been in. The war was over. I was
released and was sent back to Germany. I wanted
a better life I decided to go back to America and
changed my German name from Fredrick
Wolfhausen to Patrick Bershall and I was to be
from London England and I was to be a solider
that fought for her majesty the queen. I got on a

5
boat to America as the years went by I married a
woman named Margret she had a penis. A very
big black penis. It was so fucking big that I envied
her. So I cut it off and put it on my body and had
sex with a hooker. Years later I found out I had a
son and that son had a son who was now 18 years
of age. He was even planning on joining the army.
I’m now very old and I cannot tell my story much
longer as my life is going to end.

History of war. Part 2.

My name is John Peterson Bershall Cadet of

the United States Marines. Fighting in the Iraq
war. This is my story. The day is October 29th
2004. My team was just deployed into battle. The
first day, I killed 20 mother fucking Arabs, Day 2
35 of those bastard towel heads, day 3 they
retreated we were winning that battle. We went
back to base as we were walking back a car bomb
exploded near by and 3 men of my team were
killed and another 3 were seriously injured. One of
the men lost his whole bottom half of his body. I
knew he would never fuck his wife again. He
screamed in pain. He was just yelling out for
someone to kill him. So I did what a good solider
would do. I pulled out my Desert Eagle and shot
him point blank in the head. Half of his head blew
off, there was blood everywhere. Medical copters
were deployed to the scene. We were airlifted out
and into the base. The night was quiet and long. I
couldn’t stop thinking of the day that happened.
To tell you the truth I never expected war to be
this way. I’m only 19 years of age. I’m scared of
what might happen to me here. I needed to get
the fuck out and fast. The time is now 3 am. A gun

6
shot was heard. The base sirens went off we were
once again off to war. My sergeant came into my
tent and pulled me out. I didn’t realize my tent
caught fire. I was so tired from the recent fight. I
was handed my gun I put on my clothes and boots
and headed out to fight more of these fucking
assholes who terrorized my country. I killed 40 of
those fuck heads that night. I was so proud, proud
to be American and proud to serve my great free
country. As we were fighting I was shot in the
fucking ass. I can never get butt fucked from my
man friend again. Yes I am gay. My gay man
friend is televisions The Situation of the show
Jersey Shore. He is so fucking hot. I was taken to
the med wing and I had to have half of my ass cut
off the bullet was in too far. So I had to suffer with
half of an ass. I was airlifted home after 7 days of
being in the med wing. I went home to my
husband to find out he’s been fucking Snooki that
stupid slutty ass bitch. So I took out my gun and
killed that mother fucker, there was blood
everywhere. Soon after my return from the war
my paranoia kicked in and I killed 12 Arabs
walking down the street. I was soon arrested and
put into prison for a life sentence and a possibility
of a death penalty. Now my story must end my life
ends here for I am a dead man walking.

NOW WHO’S READY TO GET FUCKING DIRTY?

Chapter 3 the Human Choo Choo Train

Now if you thought The Human Centipede

was fucked up wait until you get a load of this
remade version of a German guy who makes a
centipede out of ten people. But instead of a
German guy it will be a Russian guy. And it would

7
be more fucked up and a little funny... Somewhere
in Russia in the outskirts of Saint Petersburg. A
trucker stops off the side of the road to go
masturbate in the woods. Little does he know that
he is being watched by Russia’s most famous
surgeon of separating foreskins from boys and
men of all ages. And one hell of a great
gynecologist. Dr. Babushka was his name. He
pulled out a dart gun to knock out this trucker and
take him back to his house. Somewhere in town
that night there were two Pakistani girls who were
touring the life of mother Russia. They were at the
hotel where they were staying at. Looking for a
great place to enjoy the night life. One girl was
named Alma and the other one was named Priya.
They got into a car they rented a drove out to the
outskirts of town and automatically got lost with a
shitty broken down Russian built car. So they
grabbed their purses and started to walk into the
forest to find help with the car. All of the sudden it
started to rain. So they went to the nearest house
they could find. Little do they know the house
belonged to a sick fucked up doctor. When they
got there they asked for help. The kind looking
man let them in a gave them water with the rape
drug in it. They soon fell asleep and they were
dragged into a room that looked like an operation
room. The next day the doctor went out and got
three Asian men and four black guys. For the most
ultimate invention of his dreams. They all woke up
in the room where they were all tied down. So the
doctor came in a started to explain what he was
to do. And it goes something like this. One girl in
front with fat trucker guys dick stitched into her
ass then black guy behind him Asian behind the
black guy then again black guy and so on and the
other girl would be at the end with her head
completely up the guy’s ass in front of her. It was
to be awesome. So the surgery was on the

8
ultimate whatever you want to fucking call it
thing. The thing woke up and it made the doctor
shit his pants he was laughing so fucking hard. So
the thing started to try to walk around and the
doctor was laughing more in his own Russian
laughing room. So later on they all died the end.

Chapter 4. Poop the smith of Wellington.

Now gather round people wherever you

roam and listen to the tale of Sir Mel Gibson of
Douche Bag Land. Once upon a time in a land far
away there lived a ruthless actor and director
named Mel Gibson. He was a racist piece of shit.
Who had problems with Jews and blacks. He was
always yelling nigger at every black man he saw.
Mel Gibson was one day going grocery shopping
when all of the sudden a black man came up to
him a butt fucked him so hard with that giant
black cock. That semen was spewing out of Mel’s
eyes making him blind and eventually killing him,
because the black guys cock was so huge that it
came out of Mel’s mouth choking him to death.

Chapter 5. Of Poop and Men

This is a tale of lost love and the journey to

a better tomorrow. This is the tale of Johnny and
Peter Parkinson. Now Johnny was the oldest of his

9
brother Peter. Peter always looked up to his older
brother. Johnny was thirty-five and Peter was
twenty-five. One fine spring morning Johnny
needed to poop. So he went up to his brother, who
was outside naked and he was sunbathing. “Peter
I need to poop.” said Johnny. Peter looked at
Johnny and got an erection. “Okay I like poop.” So
Peter put his penis into Johnny’s butt and Johnny
pooped on Peter’s penis. “Oh no I got poo poo on
my pee pee.” exclaimed Peter. The poop was big
and stinky like a butt. Peter and Johnny played in
the poop raunchier than two girls and one cup.
Now let me tell why they did this Peter and Johnny
are actually very retarded and they are gingers so
they don’t know better and they have no souls.
Around lunchtime Johnny and Peter’s mother
came out. She was fat and very ugly that not even
Ron Jeremy would fuck her. No one did she
somehow had two children that came from her
butt. They are butt babies. So they always smell
like a poopy butt. Their mother was named Stan.
“Boys it time for lunch’” said Stan. The boys ran
up to mother covered in feces. Stan licked their
faces clean. They all went inside Johnny and Peter
took a bath together and played with each other’s
wieners. It was a fun game they called ‘torpedo’s
away.’ They went down stars and ate a tasty
lunch of sandwiches made out of goat testicles
and semen from a crocodile for mayo and lizard
skin for lettuce. Now this family was very poor and
they can only afford what was around in the yard.
They lived in Alabama in the very Deep South
where Negroes were not aloud to go near. They
ate their lunch and they pooped on mother’s
boobs the poop looked like a wiener. And they
peed on mothers butt and it was red because of a
kidney stone. They couldn’t afford the surgery to
remove it so they always peed red pee pee. The
day was going by with poop and pee and farting

10
and mother’s fatness was making Johnny and
Peter really horny so they farted on her boobs and
played inside mother’s butt. Where she keeps a
small Asian boy named Byron Wong. It was a fun
day indeed and it was almost done. All of the
sudden mother had a huge poop and she died.
Johnny and Peter humped Stan when she was
dead, but they didn’t know she was dead. So late
at night Johnny killed Peter in his sleep and he
farted a big poop on his face. So Johnny was all
alone without his mother or brother and then he
got married to Priscilla Dom Kingleberry the
ugliest German whore there ever was. They live
together in peaceful harmony until Priscilla died of
a vagina cancer. She got by poop being put in her
vagina, So Johnny committed suicide. And he
pooped his last poop and it was stinky like a butt
and it looked like a wiener. Everyone lived happy
lives and it’s all that mattered. Everyone pooped
and it was fun. Now since this story has happened
the world looks at poop and says that it looks like
a wiener. The love was lost and the poop was dry
and it turned white like a clump of a dried up huge
doob. Two Pot heads smoked the poop and got
high and pooped out tacos. They ate the tacos
and pooped out a warp hole to Hell they went
inside and were never seen again. Now the end of
this tale. It was a long year of nineteen seventy
seven. The day was gone and it is now time for a
new beginning a new life. It is the end of the
road. A fart yet to be heard. The poop yet to be
seen. And everyone was in need of a better world
and a better poop and tomorrow. The end of
masturbating horses and butt fucking cows on the
farms and fields. The poop of a lifetime was near.

11
Chapter 6. Brokecock Voyeurism

This here is the tale of love and loss and the

journey of find a better way of life. This is the tale
of two men named Shaquille Armstrong O’Neill
and Verne Richardson Troyer. Now Shaquille is a
tall dark Negro and Verne is a small midget sized
white man. Now these two were in mad love with
each other’s butts and wieners. They were
cowboys and they loved doing heroine. One day
they got together and went on a week long
mountain trip up to the mountain of lust. Now for
the record these men were married to two
wonderful women. Laverne and Shirley. They were
very hot big breasted bimbos. But it wasn’t
enough for Shaquille and Verne they needed real
passion so they found each other. They left their
wives for the week got into Verne’s white 1964
ford pick up truck and went on the road. As they
were driving up Shaquille would give Verne a hard
and wet blow job and a dirty smelly rim job. It was
very stinky. They traveled to a gas station next to
a sex shop; they got gas and bought a few big
black rubbery dildos. To better satisfy their sexual
needs. They traveled through the night until they
reached the mountain of lust. They unpacked the
truck and pitched up their little red tent. The rain
started and they went inside. It was a wet night
about to get even wetter. Verne pulled out the big
black monster dildo and put it in Shaquille’s butt it
was ecstasy to the mind and it was very orgasmic
to the body. Then Shaquille gave Verne and rusty
trombone and turned around and gave him a dirty
Sanchez. It was smelly and very hot like soup.
There was pooping and farting. The dildos were
smelly like a butt. Verne put a hot dog into
Shaquille’s penis hole. It was painful and very

12
arousing to Shaquille. The day was coming up
after a long night of dirty love making. A man was
walking his dog and heard noises from the red
tent. “What the fuck you Queers doing in there.”
he said. Verne heard the man and came out with
a huge lubed dildo and beat the man to shit with it
and the man died. They killed the dog and shoved
dildos in the dog’s butt. They went home after the
long week of butt love. They went home to their
wives and went to sleep with them. The next day
Laverne, Shaquille’s wife found a big black
monster dildo in her husband’s bags and was very
confused, so she went up to her husband and
started to beat him with it. Shaquille got very mad
pulled out a sawed off twelve gage shot gun and
blew off his wife’s head. There was blood
everywhere. Back at Verne’s house Verne’s wife
found a whip and gimp suit in Verne’s bag. She
was scared and didn’t know what to do. So she
went up to her husband with a knife and cut off
his testicles. Verne got very mad and killed his
wife by choking her to death. Years later while
Shaquille and Verne were in mad love they got
married and had twelve butt children named
Prince Michael, Blanket, Geese, Charles Manson,
Michael Jackson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matt
Damon, Alec Baldwin, Osama Bin Laden, Barrack
Obama, Joe Biden, and Matt Lauer. They took
care of their ugly butt children until they grew up
and lived lives in entertainment which they
sucked at so bad. Barrack became a shitty
president of our nation and Michael Jackson
became a pop star pedophile. And the rest just
sucked at everything they did. Except for Charles
he became a murderer and succeeded in it and is
now in prison. Shaquille and Verne practiced their
love and one day Verne got his penis stuck in his
lover’s butt. It was hot. They both died at the age
of forty three from contracting AIDS from all the

13
butt sex. They died and their children build a
statue in their honor in the middle of central park.
The statue was of two men butt fucking each
other it was a wonderful statue that the city of
New York had to take down because it was way
too offensive. They were never forgotten.

Chapter 7. Lord of the Fags

Now it is time for a story of confusion and erotic

insanity. This is the story of a few good men. Now
these men are not army men but they are on a
voyage for a sexier more erotic life on the high
seas. Gene Hackman and Dennis Rodman were
two ordinary men they lived next door to each
other, but they hated each other and wanted to
kill one another. So one fine summer morning
Dennis got his wedding dress on to go kill his
neighbor Gene. Gene came out with a wedding
dress as well. It was war. “There’s only one way to
settle this Dennis.” said Gene. So Gene pulled out
two three foot long cucumbers and rubbed in anal
lube and put condoms on them. “Okay Gene let’s
start this and I will end It.” said Dennis with a
determination to kill Gene. Then the fight was on
it went on for hours. Many miles away Christopher
Reeves was plotting his revenge on Gene
Hackman. Christopher got into his big blue jet
with Pikachu painted on the bottom. He needed
revenge for making kryptonite. The revenge
would be great and very victorious. He got into his
wheel chair and the fight was on. Back at the fight
with Gene and Dennis they were getting tired,
because they were very old and washed out. Back
in Los Angeles, California Bruce Willis was naked
exercising on an exercise ball. He covered himself

14
in honey and was getting in great shape then all
of the sudden a wind blew and sent Brue going
down a big hill, then was being chased by bees.
He was rolling down the hill being stung by
thousands of angry bees. He got to the bottom of
the hill and he died by massive bee stinks he had
the hives so it was very bad indeed. Brue died a
soul less unhappy man. So no one went to his
funeral. Not even his ex wife Demi Moore. Not
even Ashton Kutcher the man who stole his wife.
No one came in his family, because they hated
him. Back at the fight with Gene and Dennis they
were fighting hard and the fight was to never end,
because it is hard to stab and kill someone with a
cucumber. Christopher Reeves was hot on Gene’s
Trail and was locking in on him from thirty-five
miles away. He was planning on a suicide bomber
attack on Gene. The time was near for the last
days of the Kryptonite making goon. Speeding
down from the sky a big blue jet was seen from
Gene he knew who it was. “Holy fuck watch out its
Superman.” Yelled Gene. “Don’t give me that
bullshit and let’s finish this fight.” yelled Dennis.
Then all of the sudden a giant shadow came close
and there was a giant explosion. Gene, Dennis
and Christopher were all dead as well as anyone
in the wake of the crash. Brue Willis descended
into heaven and was banned back to Hell,
because he was annoying to God. And he was
banned back to earth to live on an island, because
Satan couldn’t take anymore of his crap. So the
day was done it was a fine day for those who
stayed alive. The day triumphant for those who
loved and those who cared for life. The day ended
in a beautiful way.

15
Chapter 8. Green Cum and Lamb

Once upon a time, there lived a race of

douche bags and crappy soul less celebrities. Now
this story is about victory over those phonies. One
morning at the Ben Affleck home, Ben was having
a serious problem with the I Robot he bought at
Wal-Mart. The robot was out of control with a one
foot long metal cock. Ben was trying to run away,
but the I Robot cornered him and butt rammed
him very hard. The rape was so intense that the
robot’s metal cock rammed so far up Ben Affleck’s
ass that it came out of his nose. There was a lot of
anal bleeding like Ben Affleck had a period. It was
very intense indeed. The robot fucked Ben until
Ben couldn’t take any more of it and died a soul
less man. Ben Affleck died and went down to
Georgia with the devil. Where he now lives in fire
and as a sex slave to Adolf Hitler. Somewhere in
Wisconsin Rush Limbaugh was reading his favorite
book Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss. He loved
that book so much that he would jack off to Sam I
am. After reading the book seven times Rush
Limbaugh picked up a Hustler magazine with
naked photos of Ellen DeGeneres and knew that
day that that she needed to die. So Rush
Limbaugh bought a gun and ate green eggs and
ham and kept on saying to himself “Sam I am,
Sam I am” he waited for Ellen outside her Chicago
apartment with the Hustler that he wanted her to
sign. It was now nine o’clock and Ellen was
coming. Rush Limbaugh went up to Ellen and
asked her to sign the magazine. She did and Rush

16
Limbaugh was happy and ready for the kill. Rush
Limbaugh went back to his hotel and banged five
Pilipino Hookers at the same time. At midnight
Rush Limbaugh went back to Ellen’s apartment
and waited in the shadows as Ellen was
approaching, Rush Limbaugh came out of the
shadows and yelled out to Ellen and shot her
seven times in the back and two times in the
head. Rush Limbaugh was victorious. Then all of
the sudden a great noise came it was the sound of
a jet plane blasting Fly by Night by Rush with
Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Neil Peart. The jet
came down towards Rush Limbaugh. The jet was
black shaped like a bass guitar and with an owl
painted on the front. Geddy the pilot of the jet
came crashing down on Rush Limbaugh killing him
instantly. Geddy came out of his jet with his
signature Fender Jazz bass and started to play an
epic bass solo. All the douche bags and soul less
crappy celebrities died. Back in Las Vegas,
Nevada Donald Trump was eating hot dogs in one
bite he then got a hot dog stuck in the lining of his
heart and he died. Geddy Lee released his pet
bear to attack those Rush Hating Queer Baits.
Geddy Lee became so powerful that he became
the president of the world. He appointed his band
mates Alex and Neil as his right hand men and the
bear became General and Soviet war bear of the
army. The Taliban came up to attack Geddy and
his army, but Geddy crapped out napalm and all
of The Taliban died in the deadly gas of the death
ray from Geddy’s ass. Back in Berlin, Germany
Barrack Obama was now a taxi driver taking
people to Auswitz. In Egypt Chuck Norris was
killing all the first born sons. Geddy Lee claimed
his victory. The day was won. And the meek shall
inherit the earth. A world full of awesome Rush
fans and no more soul less lives.

17
Chapter 9. To Kill a Raping duck

Here this story is about how the world was

at a horrible war known as World War five. The
Americans were fighting the Middle East and the
Russians and the Germans were fighting on our
side. Somewhere in Peru Sarah Jessica Parker was
running away from angry Peruvian Tribe people
who were chasing her with a dildo. Jessica tripped
on a rock and broke her leg. The tribe people ran
up to her and stabbed her in the heart with the
razor sharp dildo. They cut off her head and put it
on a rock. They built a fire and danced for their
gods and the gods were pleased and gave the
Peruvian people food for the rest of their lives the
meat of a million clones of Martha Stewart. Back
in Chicago Conan O’Brien was eating a load of
spaghetti at a local Olive Garden and then Jay
Leno came up by surprise with a huge hunting
knife and sliced Conan in the neck slicing opening
his jugular vain killing him with blood all over his
food. Conan was gasping for air. Jay Leno carved
off Conan’s head so Jay could now be king of late
night television. God saw Jay’s bad deed and
condemned him to a life of painful testicular
cancer and rectal bleeding. Back at the war the
Russians were fighting in a blitzkrieg with the
Germans and America was plotting the final
assault on the Middle East. The Russians and
Germans took down Al Quetta and were now on
the hunt for Bin Laden. The Americans called up
Vladimir Putin and told him “Let us handle Bin
Laden go back to your families and rest.” So the
Russians went home with their families and lived

18
in harmony. The Germans were building U boats
to attack the navy of the Middle East. Back in
Russia the Russians were building Kirov airships
for the final attack on the Middle East. The
Americans sent off their two best CIA agents Mr. T
and Chuck Norris to find Osama Bin Laden and kill
him with a RPG rocket launcher. T and Chuck
searched all of the Middle East and could not find
him. So they called off the search, but meanwhile
at Disney Studios pop star Miley Cyrus was getting
ready for a naked photo shoot with Mickey Mouse.
While she was putting on her make up a crazed
fan open her dressing room door and revealed her
secret. She was really an old man, but not just not
any old man it was not only but Osama Bin Laden.
The fan screamed a scream heard by T and
Chuck. They ran up armed with an RPG rocket
launcher and killed Osama and blowing up Disney
Studios Walt Disney looked up from Hell and was
very pleased. The Americans, Russians, and
Germans got together and named themselves the
Axis of Ass Kickers. The Russians called in their
Kirov’s for the final attack they were equipped
with thousands of Tesla and nuclear bombs. The
mission was to be called ‘end of the raping duck.’
The mighty bearded Kirov airship pilots went over
to the enemy and dropped all the bombs and
completely destroyed the Middle East. Mohammad
was no more. Iran was no longer able to build
nukes because they were no more. The Axis of Ass
Kickers was victorious and the earth was once
again in peace.

Chapter 10. The Catcher in the Pie

19
 Around the river bend of a small Louisiana
town a famous actor Jason Biggs was at home all
alone and was in need of some loving, but he
couldn’t find a girl to fuck not even a hooker,
because he couldn’t afford one he was washed
out and crappy. So all he could do was to have
sex with a warm apple pie his mother made him
for his birthday. So he decided to take off his
clothes and fuck the shit out of the pie. He was
yelling out extremely sexual things to the pie and
the pie was getting it hard. Over in Los Angeles
Cheech and Chong were smoking a joint of Maui
Wowie and Labrador which is dog shit they were
getting baked. After Jason Biggs fucked that pie
he wanted to go to Los Angeles to find some
California pie to fuck as well. He packed up his
bags and left on a plane to L.A. on the plane they
were playing ‘leaving on a jet plane’ by John
Denver. Jason Biggs flew all the way to Los
Angeles and was greeted by a limo driver at the
gate by the name of George Lucas. They drove to
the nearest Marie Callender’s to get a truck load
of pies for Jason Biggs to fuck. They got the pies
and Jason Biggs went to a Motel 6 and had a long
night with the pies. At that same hotel Cheech
and Chong were there as well. They knew that
Biggs was there and knew what they had to do. So
they built an alter for the lord. They went to Biggs
room and blasted down the door and they saw
Jason Biggs fucking a cherry pie. They threw a bag
over Biggs head and hit him with a bat. He was
out cold. They took him back to a dark alley where
Cheech and Chong built an alter for the lord. They
tied him up. Suddenly Jason Biggs woke up and
tried to escape, but Cheech and Chong came up
with a golden sword and sliced open Biggs body
and found twenty billion kilos of space coke. “Oh
man there’s a lot of space coke in here man.” said
Cheech. “Hey man lets cut off his dick and make a

20
crack pipe out of It.” insisted Chong. So they cut
off his cock and made a crack pipe and smoked a
load of space coke. Meanwhile at the Legion of
Doom well actually at Al Gore’s house Al was
getting ready for another crappy pointless speech
about things that don’t exist. In New York Glen
Beck was doing his news show when all of the
sudden Manbearpig attacked him and Glen Beck
died of poop. Manbearpig than joined forces with
Al Gore to warn the world about global warming. It
ended too soon the corpse of John Denver killed Al
on a grassy knoll. Back at the Cheech and Chong
place Cheech was eating a lot of baked beans to
get pumped up. Cheech went on a motorcycle ride
and went riding up a face of a cliff where he met
the mighty Captain Crunch. The Captain granted
Cheech the Magical Poster of a naked picture of
Megan Fox. The poster grants wishes. So Cheech
wished for Lady Gaga and the poster made
Cheech’s wish come true. Lady Gaga was in the
presence of Cheech. Cheech had to poop so he
used Lady Gaga as a toilet and Lady Gaga got
covered in feces. “Oh man I needed to do that so
bad.” said Cheech. Lady Gaga owed Cheech and
Chong twenty thousand dollars in pot money.
Cheech went back to Chong and they lived with
the magical poster and a lot of space coke. And
they couldn’t have been happier.

Chapter 11. The Adventure of Huckleberry’s hairy

Vagina

21
 Huckleberry was a man with a very hairy
vagina.

Here’s a fine tale of a legendary party of the

masses at the Manson house. Now there were
many guests at the party Michael Phelps and his
partner in crime Jarrod the Subway guy, Sarah
Palin and John McCain, Milli and Vanilli, Bert and
Ernie, and Cory Haim and Cory Feldman. The
guest of honor was to be Sharon Tate, but she
couldn’t make it to the party, so she was very sad.
She and Mr. Manson were in a love affair. Sharon
loved Mr. Manson. So the party was going and
there was loud music like ‘White Rabbit’ by
Jefferson Airplane. Mr. Manson came out for the
party dressed like Britney Spears in the ‘Baby on
More Time’ video. Michael Phelps went out side to
try to roll the biggest joint any one has ever seen.
Luckily he has a trash bag filled with weed. So he
rolled a very big joint as fat as a basketball. He
was very proud and then he smoked it, and I
mean all of it. He smoked so much that he fell into
a coma that lasted fifty six years. When he got out
of it he immediately died of old age. Back at the
party Sarah Palin was shoving her head into a
horse’s ass for sexual pleasure. Sarah had a horse
problem. She loved masturbating horses and
putting things in their asses. John McCain was
video taping and jacking it really hard until his
cock cracked. Cory Haim and Cory Feldman were
all alone in a room making out and turning each
other on. Feldman was wearing a strap-on. Haim
all of the sudden bit Feldman’s lip and Feldman
got mad and started to beat Haim with the strap-
on very hard killing him in the process. Mr.
Manson was having a chat with Jerrod and dared
him to eat a McDonald’s Big Mac. So Jarrod took a

22
bite and was locked in love. “Oh this so much
better than Subway.” said Jarrod with tears in his
eyes. So Jarrod ate three hundred Big Macs and
got really fat in five hours. The party was over and
everyone went home. Years later Jarrod developed
anal cancer and got extremely skinny. As he was
on his death bed out of nowhere Hollywood Hulk
Hogan popped out of the shadows and broke
Jarrod in half. “Bitch you owe me that meatball
marinara.” yelled Hulk Hogan. Jarrod died a sad
man. Mr. Manson was all alone at his house bored
and tired. Then all of the sudden two men came
through his door. Two men by the names of
Conner and Murphy McManus. They were twins
and they went up to Mr. Manson and said their
family prayer and ended with En Nomanie Patri Et
Filli Et Spritus Sancti. And blew off Mr. Manson’s
head. Conner and Murphy went to McGinley’s pub
to have a few shots and to celebrate their victory
of Mr. Manson and yes Mr. Manson was Charles
Manson. But wait you ask how could this be
Manson killed Sharon Tate. I tell you don’t always
believe what the TV tells you. So Conner and
Murphy met up with Romeo the Mexican and
Rocco the idiotic Italian guy. The day was won by
two very good Irish boys.

Chapter 12. Wiwi Long cocking

What do you get when you cross a

transvestite and Alec Baldwin? You get Richard
Simmons. But no more of these riddles its time for
a tall tale. This is the tale of how Mister Roger’s

23
had sex with a she-male. Oh you don’t think it
happened? Well you’re wrong because he did.
One day Antonio Banderas was at a party at Ricky
Martin’s house. It was the biggest homo erotic
party since the wild parties at Freddy Mercury’s
house. Antonio went up to the bar and ordered an
apple martini. The bartender who was wearing
nothing but a banana hammock gave him the
drink. Then Ricky made a special announcement
that there was going to be a big surprise at the
end of the night. There was a late bloomer at the
party it was Rosie O’Donnell. She was kicked out
because it was strictly a men only gay party. So
they killed her and she died of bad queefing. The
party went on. At midnight the big surprise came
in. it was a cake that was three thousand pounds
shaped like a dick. Everyone was amazed and
couldn’t wait to get some cock cake. That had
vanilla filling, if you catch my drift? Then all of the
sudden from the roof some uninvited guest came
crashing through. It was Willem Dafoe with a fully
automatic M-16 and he started to blow people
away at the party. He killed Antonio, Clay Aitkin,
Adam Lambert, Rush Limbaugh, Reba McIntyre,
and Ronald McDonald. Then he went up to Ricky
Martin. “What are you doing?’ asked Willem. “I
just wanted to cuddle.” explained Ricky. “Cuddle?
What a fag.” said Willem. Then Willem put the M-
16 up to Ricky Martin’s skull and blasted him
away. There was blood everywhere. Back in
Texas, Walker Texas ranger was kicking some
guy’s ass that refused to pay a speeding ticket. So
Walker round housed this guy so hard that Mr. T
farted and killed the Jonas Brothers. Joe Jonas
pooped when he died and when he did it created
a bad earthquake that killed Tom Cruise. When
Tom Cruise died Katie Holmes was set free and
she ran away. James Vanderbeek was doing some
chick in the ass, but it turned out to be Bob

24
Hoskins, so James decided that he was super gay
for guys who played video game characters in
even more crappy video game based movies. Yes
the Super Mario Brothers movie sucked balls. So
did Resident Evil, but the third one was okay.
Chong took a bong toke and started to transform
into Mega Pothead. The ultimate pot smoking auto
bot. Yoko Ono was dying of Vagina Bacteria and
Mega Pothead killed her to end her smelly vagina.
Yoko was not buried they just threw her in a
landfill, because Yoko Ono was a dumb bitch and
was one of the reasons why The Beatles broke up
and she is also the reason why John Lennon was
killed. Mark David Chapman was sitting in his
prison cell masturbating to The Catcher in the Rye
and then he broke his dick and bled everywhere
profusely and he died a soul less evil mother
fucker and was brought down to hell to be butt
fucked by Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

Chapter 15. The Rapes of Wrath

Now there once was a man by the name of

Mel Gibson. Now Mel Gibson was a total douche-
bag who hated Jewish guys like Jesus the Christ
and Jon Stewart. So Mel Gibson was forced to live
on an island full of hungry tribes that will eat
anything. Somewhere in South Korea at the
4077th mobile army surgical hospital. Famous
surgeon Hawkeye Pierce was in the middle of a
huge life threatening operation on a solider that
was shot in the balls by a small Korean Solider.
There was blood everywhere. As this was
happening Hot Lips was making out with a Korean
stable boy, but she was shot down by the US

25
army. Back at the island where Mel Gibson was
running for his life. The tribes were getting
hungrier by the minute and couldn’t hold off one
more second without meat. So Mel Gibson finally
gave up he surrendered and the tribes leaders
raped him really hard and cut up his body for
stew, there also was blood everywhere. So the
tribes’ people ate him and they were pleased. In
South Korea Hawkeye was still doing that
operation. The blood was everywhere, but there
was more blood. So he was left with no choice but
to completely cut off this guy’s package. UPS
wasn’t going to send this one off. So Hawkeye cut
it off and the surgery was done. As the wounded
solider woke up he was shocked that he didn’t
have a dick. He was sad then randomly Lance
Armstrong ran up and said, “Ha ha I have more
balls than you.” then Chuck Norris came up and
Said, “Ha ha I have five.” and then Roundhouse
Kicked Lance Armstrong in the skull killing him
with one simple blow. The kick broke the sound
barrier that made Britney Spears go completely
deaf and that gave her a painful period she ended
up killing herself the pain was so bad. Mel Gibson
was eaten and his soul was sent down to Hell and
he asked God, “why am I in Hell I love Jesus.” but
God said, “well Mel when you said that whole
thing about Jewish people I had no choice, and by
the way my son is a Jew.” “But that’s impossible.”
said Mel. “oh please don’t give me that enjoy your
time in Hell.” said God and then God left and Mel
Gibson was brought to the devil and the devil
said, “seriously that whole Jew thing was pretty un
cool man so I am going to put you with Hitler and
he is going to rape you.” so Mel Gibson was put
into the Jew hater only cell and was raped by Adolf
Hitler for all eternity. This was the rapes of wrath
and it was painful and very sad for Mel Gibson, so
a lesson for Mel Gibson if you say offensive stuff

26
about Jewish people you will go to Hell and Hitler
will rape you day in and day out. Now there is still
a little more time for Hawkeye, back in the 4077th
Hawkeye and Trapper John were sitting in the
swamp sipping on some fresh martinis and they
called it a day it had been a bloody day and one
man lost his will to live if you know what I mean.
This is the end of this story.

Chapter 14. The Twat in the Hat

Now gather round children its story time.

Now here is a tale about a man with Parkinson’s
dieses. This is a story about Michael J. Fox. Now
one day Michael was going out to buy food for his
family. Until rapper 50 Cent came up to him and
said, “Yo nigga why are you shaking so much?”
“Oh fidy I have Parkinson’s.” explained Michael.
So 50 Cent put Michael out of his misery and shot
him in the head at point blank. So Michael went
up to heaven where he met God. And God said,
“Oh Michael we have been expecting you…stop
shaking you are healed.” “But God there is no
cure for Parkinson’s.” said Michael. But God got
angry and said, “Demon leave this man’s body.”
and the Demons known as Peter and Johnny left
Michael’s body and went back to Hell. Now the
story gets hotter than ever. One day the very sexy
actress Julie Benz was doing herself with a
cucumber blasting away that hot cunt until she
screamed an orgasm it was very hot. And made
me want to watch porn for five days straight.
Michael J. Fox somehow contracted AIDS when a
dirty old woman touched him. The woman was so
old and ugly that you would have to watch a lot of

27
porn to get the image off your mind. Tommy
Chong was rolling up a blunt when Benjamin
Franklin was riding on his tricked out skateboard.
He was doing a lot of cool tricks. That guy can
really Ollie like a man. Then all of the sudden
Franklin was struck down by lightning and died. At
the dark of the night Rush Limbaugh rose from the
dead. Geddy’s Limbaugh alarm went off. This was
a job for team Geddy, Alex, and Neil, so they all
went out to find a hoard of zombies. There was
Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael
Jackson, and Charles Manson to name a few and
Team Rush took out there Weapons of Mass
Destruction a bass, guitar and drums and started
to play Tom Sawyer and all the zombie’s heads
exploded and they all died, Geddy said, “man if I
have to deal with that mother fucker Limbaugh
again I am going to be really pissed.” but this
wont be the end for Rush Limbaugh. He will never
give up. So back at Julie Benz she was still putting
that vegetable in her vag it was hot. Somewhere
in another dimension American Idol winner Taylor
Hicks was being slaughtered by bears and cows
and eaten alive as an offering to God. And God
was pleased at the pleasing aroma. As it says in
Numbers. God was happy to get Taylor Hicks off
his back. All this happened and The Cat in the Hat
choked on a hair ball and got AIDS from that old
lady. Now would be a great time to watch porn.
Now wasn’t that a great story children? Next time
I have a story about John Goodman and the return
of Michael Phelps. So stay tuned in for next week.
For Happy Story time with Mother Foose. Does
anyone have anymore of that ooffa loopa weed?

28
Chapter 16. Hairy Twatter and the Prisoner of the
Poon

February 10th 9:45 AM, at a local press

office in Florida golfer Tiger Woods is making his
apologies for his sexual actions at a press
conference. Ladies and Gentlemen the conference
is going to start soon, so we ask that there will be
no questions at this meeting as what Tiger Woods
asked. If you have any questions please refrain
from asking. As Tiger was approaching the podium
the cameras were running and cameras were
flashing. He started his speech. “Ladies and
Gentlemen, I have been caught with having sex
with many different very hot big breasted women.
And I know that it was wrong for me to do. I felt
that I had every right to do what I did. I felt that I
was empowered to do it as well. I am sorry for my
behavior. So I tell you that I will be taking a break
from golf until this all settles. Now I want to tell
you something the media has not told you. It is a
secret that I now want to tell you. As I was on my
sexual journey I decided one afternoon to dress
up like Batman and gag myself with my nine iron
and masturbate at the same time. I started to
choke when I was in orgasm. If it wasn’t for my
wife Elin I would have died. She came home saw
that I was passed out and she called nine one one.
So now I am here telling you all of this. I am now
going to therapy three times a week. And I am in
drug rehab for an addiction to anti-depressants
and Enzyte to make my penis bigger.” as Tiger
said this he pulled out his penis to show everyone
the proof that he had an addiction. His penis
looked like it was injected with silicon. The crowd
was shocked and all looked away, but the live
cameras and people watching at home saw the

29
whole thing. So Tiger was told to leave. Then one
pressman yelled out a question. “Mr. Woods will
you be able to have sex with your wife for now
on?” then two guards went up to the pressman
and took him out back and shot him three times in
the head. “We said no questions mother fucker.”
said one of the guards. So Tiger left the press
conference for pulling out his penis and was
condemned and lost all of his sponsors including
Nike. He wanted to go back to his wife, but she
killed herself after seeing Tiger’s penis. It was too
horrifying to her and didn’t want anything to do
with it. So Tiger was all alone no one to run to. He
could no longer play in the masters or even play
golf at all. So he went to Vegas to have sex with a
lot of hookers to satisfy his needs and wants. As
he was in Vegas he bought some rope and a Cat
woman outfit went into his room at the Bellagio
hotel and never came out. Two days later the
maid opened the door to find Tiger dead. He had
semen crusted on his pants and on the floor he
hung himself and he was dead. The police took
away the body and it was announced that Tiger
Woods has died. David Carradine you are such a
bad influence to today’s golfers and rich people.
The funeral for Tiger was boring and no body
came except for Rush Limbaugh. Until once again
Geddy Lee came out with a sawed off shot gun
and blasted off Limbaugh’s face. There was blood
everywhere. Also Geddy shot Rush Limbaugh’s
dick until there was nothing but a hole in the
ground. Geddy spit on Limbaugh and left the
church. Technically no one invited Limbaugh. And
Geddy Lee was just there waiting for him so he
can kill him once more. Liza Minnelli was getting
really old and ugly while all this happened. You
might want to watch porn after seeing her face.
Trust me you would want to it is very disgusting.
Tiger went to Hell for his problems where he was

30
butt fucked by Rush Limbaugh for all eternity. Just
because Limbaugh is an asshole and super gay.

Chapter 17. Enter the Poon

Jackie Chan was going to fight the great

Bruce Lee, but everyone there knew he had no
chance o beating him. Bruce Lee killed Chuck
Norris and there was no chance in fucking hell
there was going to be victory for Chan. So Chan
entered the dojo. Bruce Lee came in and the fight
was to begin. Jackie Chan threw a punch, but
Bruce Lee grabbed his arm and threw him down to
the ground. Breaking his arm. Jackie was in pain.
Out of nowhere Mr. Miagi came in and did the
famous THUNDER CLAP and burning rub of pain to
heal Chan’s broken arm. It didn’t work so Chan
had to fight with one arm. Out of the blue the new
addition to the Asian community came out. The
Wu-Tang Clan came to the ring and shot Jackie
Chan point blank in the chest. Bruce Lee has won
the fight. Sort of. Then The Wu turned their
cheeks and shot Lee in the chest, but Bruce was
too powerful and dodged the bullet and Crane
kicked them all in the chin knocking them out
cold. All of the sudden everyone in the place got
into a brawl. Punches and kicks were flying. Then
by the power of amazing Kung-Fu. Bruce Lee
unleashed his secret power. The Power of Hung-
Kuo. Killing everyone in the place with an
explosion so big it blew up all of China. Bruce Lee
stood there. And he flew away. Oh what you didn’t
know Bruce Lee could fly? Well he can and he just
did mother fucker. As Bruce was flying he stopped
by Japan and killed Godzilla and butt fucked a

31
super hot Japanese chick, why? Because he can.
Then he went to America to settle the score with
Rush Limbaugh. So he went up to Limbaugh and
round housed him in the face. Killing him
instantly. Bruce Lee became President of the US.
But later on got assassinated by Lee Harvey
Oswald’s zombie. Apparently some company
called Umbrella Corp. unleashed some kind of
virus that changed dead criminals into zombies.
So some chick named Alice fucked up all the
zombies and the day was saved. Thanks to Fox
News and that douche bag Glenn Beck.

Chapter 18. Man in the Box

The Late Show with David Letterman has been

cancelled because of his incompetence and rude
work behavior. So NBC has brought you this uncut
David Letterman sex video, playing live and uncut
all day long. David Letterman was a man who
owned his own talk show on NBC. He interviewed
so many celebrities, musicians, comedians, and so
on. Oh did I mention he’s addicted to sex? Oh yes
he is this is a video taken of David on one of his
loneliest and horniest days. The man in the box.
David Letterman was bored depressed and really
horny so he went to a Trader Joe’s parking lot and
he went to go get some jam, a sippy cup with
semen in it, two sand bags, a box, and a strap-on.
David cut a hole in the box, put the sand bags on
top, put some jam in the box hole, he then pulled
down his pants, put on the strap-on, and started
to put his dick into the box hole. The jam worked
as a lubricant. He fucked the box hole, while
jacking of the dildoh on the strap-on and drinking
the man nectar from the sippy cup. So David’s

32
hands were full. Out came Tiger Woods who was
going to buy some watermelon and rice, because
he’s half black half Asian. He saw David Letterman
having fun with himself, so Tiger went up to him
and said “great job, you make me worry less
about my sex life.” Tiger wanted to give David a
high five, but David’s hands were all tied up at the
moment. So Tiger took his 9 iron and high five
David in the back. Then Tiger got naked and went
inside the box and he was now a man in a box.
Buried in David Letterman’s sperm juices. Tiger
and David decided to have lunch together. Where
later on in the day David Letterman gave Tiger
Woods a handy. They later on went on more
dates, months past with Finger sandwiches and
hand jobs. They decided to get married and they
had three children named, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, and
Carrie Underwood.

Chapter 19: War of the Waffles pt. 1

Orson Welles wrote this bullshit book about aliens

taking over the world it was called War of the
Worlds or some shit. Man I am so drunk right now
I am seeing some shit. Maybe this is how dogs
see? So I am going to make my own version of
that book that got turned into a gay ass movie.
With that fag monkey Tom Cruise. Okay so here
we go. But first I have to masturbate while taking
a shit so I am going to be right back while I am in
there I will formulate some ideas. That’s where all
my ideas come from. Yeah I shit and make jizz
and come up with wacky ideas. it’s the best way
to do it. Okay I am back that was one big shit, in
fact it was so big it spiraled in the toilet you
should have seen it, it was massive. It was hard to
push out. Oh my God it was the best shit ever. Oh

33
yeah I wiped my asshole. It was a nice wipe. I
think I wiped too much, I think there blood coming
out of my ass. Anal leakage I know it’s sick, well if
it was sick you wouldn’t be reading this shit that I
am telling you about. Oh yeah the masturbating
was good too I got all over the place it was all
over my hands, and on the floor. Oh man those
Catholics are gonna be pissed once they find out I
washed my sperm down the sink. Who cares
about Catholics they’re whacked out anyway. On
never use condoms don’t jack off and all that shit.
Since we are here let’s talk about Tom Cruise and
Perez Hilton. Man if those guys decided to be gay.
They would have a fucked up looking child, which
would most likely end up killing himself, because
he would be made of and he would realize he has
two gay dads. Good God that would be terrible,
well that’s what this book is about terrible shit. Oh
shut up dumbass you wouldn’t have been reading
this book if you knew it was going to be like this.
You’re a fucking pussy. Well anyway did anyone
here all about this World of War craft bullshit,
anyone who plays that shit is a fucking pussy,
seriously. If you want to play a real game, go out
buy an X-Box or a PS3 and play some COD or
Solider of Fortune. Not that bullcrap you play with
your faggot quests and shit with boar butt fucking.
I am so sorry I got side tracked with talking about
a bunch of shit well let me start writing that new
version of alien butt fucking cows with spaceships
or some shit. God I am so drunk. You know what I
am gonna sleep it off and I will write that story
later. I am so hammered I think I just saw the cops
go through my booze. Ha-ha this is funny has
anyone ever watched Judge Judy this shit is
hilarious. Okay I will write that shit later Judge
Judy is on bitch. So get the fuck out bitch. I am
going to raise Hell later.

34
War of the Waffles pt. 2

Okay so get this, apparently there’s an app for

that, yeah did you hear about it? It’s amazing. You
click this button and it does this thing, yeah you
know that thing? So I just came back from an
awesome mouth orgasm brought to me by Jonnies
Pastrami. Oh my it was so amazing I almost died
of a massive orgy attack. It was so good. Oh yeah
I got pickles, of course I did. I had a coke to drink
it down. Hey don’t worry I got you some too. It’s
just going to take awhile for you to get it. I have to
push it out of my anus. So if want to, you can wait
a few hours until I have to go to the loaf house.
Fucking A man I got to shit right now I guess it’s
your lucky day. I will be right back and I will get
you this sandwich. There was this one time I was
posing as a homeless man. Making people sweet
deals. If I told them a story or sung a song, they
would have to give me a sponge bath or a
sandwich, but if they agree to make out with me I
would give them a blow job in return for a dime
bag. So I got my dime bag got high and
masturbated in the alleyway that night for three
straight hours. Let me tell you the police came
while I was doing it and they asked me for a
massage with a happy ending. So I gave it to
them and now I am a detective for the NYPD. Then
I realized I never been to New York. I was so
baked I thought all of this shit was real. I
somehow ended up somewhere in India in some
family’s house with them looking at me. And they
were freaking out. Not only that I was butt naked
and I had a testicle missing. Oh man what a crazy
fucking night. With that said I just took a shit and

35
the sandwich is all brown and stinky, I don’t know
if you still want it, but if you do feel free to come
and get it. I once went to Japan and got this
Japanese chick knocked up. So later on she called
me and told me she was giving me the baby and
she was going to leave. Well at least that’s what I
thought she said, she was speaking gook. So a
few months later she came home with this
random 35 year old black guy. She told me it was
her child she just gave birth to and I was like oh
shit I didn’t know I was part black, and my kid has
the same disease as Benjamin Button. So I took
him in and we went to Roscoe’s and had red wine
and some menthols. I am so sorry I am getting
side tracked again I will most defiantly write that
shit later.

War of the Waffles pt. 3

Okay I was just bullshitting you I don’t even feel

like writing that story for you, so I am going to
write this, Cheez-it and ginger ale is awesome.
There has never been a better orgy than the
powers of Cheez-it and ginger ale that is all I am
going to say you brain dead monkey fucker.

Chapter 19 Queen Mary’s Hairy Monkey Vagina

A long time ago before you were even aloud to

watch porn in DVD and VHS formats. In fact before
DVD and VHS there was a thing called the porno
theater in England. And in this porno theater there
was a porno that was a voyeur film that featured
the Queen of England getting eaten out by

36
Winston Churchill the prime minister of the great
land of England. It was not really what you would
expect. In fact quite the opposite. Queen Mary the
queen at the time had a super hairy monkey
vagina and it was fucking scary as shit. In fact it
was so hairy you would think that Chewbacca was
her vagina it was that fucking scary looking.
Churchill was eating her out like crazy. Everyone
left the theater and demanded their money back.
It was the worst porno ever made in history next
to 2 girls 1 cup, BME Pain Olympics, and 2 kids in
a sandbox. It made it into the sick porno hall of
fame. If you go there they will give you free of
charge the Pain Olympics trilogy on DVD or VHS
formats.

Chapter 20 The Sinister Plan Pt. 1 of 10

Once a time, somewhere in the state of Kansas or

Wyoming or some bullshit like that there was a
very horny teacher who desperately needed to
fuck the shit out of one of her students. A nerdy
little freshman, she knew what she had to do. She
had to come up with a sinister plan. She went
home and masturbated to a yearbook picture of
her student. It got her off so well her vagina got
so wet and sticky there was vagina juice
everywhere. So the next day before school she
bought a hammer a dildo and a bottle of Ritalin.
The rape drug. So when she saw her student gave
them some water that was drugged and she
smashed them in the head with a hammer and
ripped out the dildo and put one end in her vagina
and the other end into her student’s vagina. Oh
did I mention that the teacher was a raging
lesbian? Soon after the teacher’s sexual
encounter her student woke up screamed and the

37
principal came in and saw them both naked. So
the principal got all sweaty when he saw the
teacher’s hot naked big breasts and took off his
clothes and fucked the shit out of both of them it
was damn crazy and everyone had a happy
ending.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 2 of 10

Now somewhere in the sad town of Santa Clarita,

CA not too far from the San Fernando Valley, the
hometown of porn. There lived a man with a
willing to do what no man has ever done before.
This man was Ian Gomez. He had a devilish
sinister plan. He wanted to be the first person to
commit suicide by running into a pile of rebar that
was sticking out of the ground and he wanted to
do it in front a ton of small children. So he went
around every part of Santa Clarita that near a
school. Valencia, Saugus, Stevenson Ranch,
Canyon Country, Newhall, and Vasquez Canyon
but couldn’t find one spot. So he decided to go
into the valley where all the best porn is made
including Who’s Nailing Paylin, Brazzers, and Bang
Bros. As he went into the valley he hit the perfect
spot somewhere in Granada Hills he found a
construction site right next to a school so he went
looking for the rebar and when he found a huge
pile coming out of the ground he jumped into it.
Blood flew everywhere even on some of the
students who were playing on the playground.
And boom Ian was dead. But never forgotten. It hit
the late news it was awesome.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 3 of 10

38
This is the true story of the rhino. With a hint of
students of a small elementary school. There once
was a school teacher named Ms. Chapin and she
was teaching her class about the wonders of the
nigger based country Africa. It was full of niggers,
fried chicken, watermelon, grits, purple Kool-Aid
and all the animals in the world. It was the best
lesson they learned. This school was in Alabama
where it was legal to say nigger and I will write
nigger in this book all I want. Nigger Nigger Nigger
Nigger, yeah I can go on. So anyway Ms. Chapin
wanted to take her students to Africa to see real
live niggers and animals like lions tigers and
bears…oh my! So she asked the school district to
give her thousands of dollars to take them on the
trip. When they refused she killed them all and
stole all the money they had which was only 500
dollars so then she went to the bank and took out
some cash from her account which was only 250
dollars, so then she started to give dudes blow
jobs for more money. She was still short. So with a
last resort she killed Kobe Bryant and stole all of
his money she ran off never heard of again. In fact
no one ever knew she was there. And no one ever
noticed that Kobe was dead. The next week she
went to the class and told them she had a big
surprise. She was going to take them to Africa so
they can see niggers and rhinos. So they all left
the school, stole a school bus and went to the
airport. At the airport the only flight available was
a tiny bio diesel plan owned by pot smoking great
Willy Nelson. But he was a god awful country
singer. Not even Conway Twitty could even stand
him. You know what? Fuck country music. It can
fucking burn in hell for all that I care. So anyway
they got into Willy’s bio plan and left for Africa. It
was a long plane ride that was really boring. Ms.
Chapin got bored and decided to give Willy a blow
job. He came so hard that it made the plane go

39
down in New York. So they ran and got on a boat
that was heading for china. They got on and sailed
away. By the time they reached the outskirts of
Africa they all jumped off the boat and swam 3
miles to Libya where Gadhafi wanted to capture
them but they got into another plane controlled
by the ghost of John Denver. The plane took off
and crashed in Egypt and the students had to
walk 300 miles down to Nigeria which is funny
because the root word in Nigeria is in fact nigger.
So they saw a lot of niggers and yelled racial slurs
at them but they didn’t understand them because
they never heard the word nigger. So later on in
the night Ms. Chapin was killed by Nigerian thugs
and the students were left to die in Africa. They
wandered into the desert of Africa and they were
spotted by a rhino. A rhino with a sinister plan.
This was a magical rhino who can grant wishes. So
they students talked with the rhino and they wish
for all the nigger in the world to be dead, but the
rhino couldn’t grant that wish. So they decided to
wish for the death of Fran Dresher. That annoying
bitch needed to die some day. So then the rhino
granted them one more wish. So they wished they
lived on an island. So boom they were on an
island which later on they killed each other. No
one ever knew what happened to Ms. Chapin’s
class, not even to this day.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 4-10

Remember that day when Heath Ledger died?

Yeah I did and I didn’t give a fuck, if someone
plays a queer in a movie I lose interest I hate
those queers. I will say my ex was a lesbian it was
okay until she turned into a fucking bitch. And
here is part four of our story. Not too long ago

40
when acting was at its peak there was one actor
who was so addicted to winning and crack
cocaine. His name was Charlie Sheen son of actor
Martin Sheen and brother of actor Emilio Estevez.
He was most famous for his roles in Hot Shots,
Platoon, and the hit show Two and a Half Men.
Then one day his whole career went down the
drain. This was to be Charlie’s sinister plan to his
demise. As his life was becoming too difficult he
got into a lot of unprotected sex with hookers and
started doing mountains of coke and yes I mean
cocaine. It got so bad that the fucking media
wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks. Yeah
okay 9-11 was bad and we aired it a lot, but this
Sheen bullshit has gone too far. Fuck. So this was
the day that Charlie Sheen really fucked up and
he got fired from his job. Now he can smoke all
the blow he wants to. Good luck Charlie and have
fun with your hookers, booze, and crack. I bid you
adieu.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 5-10

The E! True Hollywood Story proudly presents the

True Story of Jason Curtis and Dillon Chaffin. Who
are these guys? Are they celebrities? Are they
even famous at all? Let E! Tell you. Long ago
when high school was at its peak with these two
gentlemen. They created the most disturbing
most vile comic book ever made it was full of
dicks tits and asses galore. It was to be the
sinister plan of all sinister plans. And thus this
book of smut, sex, and Rush Limbaugh getting
killed numerous times. Back in the spring of 2007
the first Students and the Rhino panel was born.
And by the end of that year one purple note book
was filled with the horrid minds of those disturbed

41
men. But then one day that very purple notebook
was lost and never seen again. But it didn’t stop
them from making that shit even better. On the
web comic website DrunkDuck.com they made a
new edition of students that is to be the demise of
all dirty comics ever made on the internet. It has
even topped all the porn site on the net of
sickness and a violation of women and children’s
rights. Thus they cannot be arrested because
cartoon porn with kids like the Power Puff Girls is
okay because technically it’s not real porn. So as
the years went on they had a lot of butt sex and
blew each other non stop of hours on end. They
went to college and went their separate ways
soon after but they never gave up on their
friendship and never gave up on offending people
with their jokes comics and racist comments.
When we come back we will explore the young
lives of these boys of destruction. Waffle House if
it’s not a fucking waffle don’t bring it into the
house. When Jason Curtis was born his penis was
so big that when he saw a hot nurse he got a
massive boner so big that he just laid that bitch
down on the table and just fucked her so hard that
he cummed so hard in her pussy she had a baby
and then Dillon Chaffin was born. Like his father
and later on in life best friend they knew they
would be very good pals for life. It was to be the
most epic duo better than Mario and Luigi, Milli
and Vanilli, Harold and Kumar, and Bert and Ernie.
They had so much fun as kids but lost contact
when Jason’s father left the family and it turned
Jason into a life of drugs, sex, and STDs. It wasn’t
until they were rejoined in harmony in middle
school where they hugged for the first time in
over 13 years. It was the best day ever. After
middle school and into High School they started
drinking smoking weed and going to hookah bars
picking up chicks and fucking their brains out. And

42
on the weekends playing a shit load of video
games. After high school they went to college the
days of students was just the beginning of their
story and their lives will not stop there. And
without further to do we continue the story of
Students and the Rhino.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 6-10

This is the day of our Lord 2011 and where have

we gone? Gas prices suck our economy is shit and
a nigger is our president with a dictator’s last
name. What have we become as a nation? Well
here I will state what shall be our next Sinister
Plan as a nation united. This is the chapter of the
new revolution for our great nation the United
States of America. First plan just fucking blow up
the Middle East who gives a fuck about them
anyway. Then we can have all the oil we want.
Plus bonus we can build the largest Disney Park
ever there as well. Secondly We should blow up
the countries that are fucking up with all this shit,
Egypt, Libya, and Fuck it blow up France as well.
We don’t need to mother fuckers anyway. Who
needs France anyway it’s full of chain smoking
child molesters with bad body odor. Third thought
lets get rid of our current president, he sucks he’s
a liar and a fuck head. Not since Bush and Nixon
have I ever seen a worse president than him. He’s
only president because all of the niggers in the
country voted for him I am so sorry but I voted for
McCain. I don’t like the though of a nigger running
this country. Oh I am sorry am I going too far?
Well wake up and smell the oil it’s just the way
this is gonna be bitch. If you didn’t think this book
was going to be this racist and disgusting you
should have bought Howard Stern’s biography. It

43
is just Harry Potter compared to this shit. Fourth
point, lets kill everyone on the Jersey Shore, blow
up New Jersey and kill Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga,
and fuck the brains out of Pryia Rai why? Because
Pryia is fucking hot as shit. And the rest need to
die because I hate them with a passion. And lastly
we need to stand up as a nation and stand up for
what is right. We need to stand up for our rights.
Freedom isn’t free unless you give Uncle Sam a
blow job and then it’s free for life.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 7-10

This is an erotic tale of Gilbert Gottfried, Miranda

Cosgrove, and Charlie Sheen. Once upon a time at
the home of Sir Gottfried lord of Hollywood, CA. he
was having a party with under age actress
Miranda Cosgrove. But things soon got really out
of hand Gilbert took off his clothes and tried to
make some moves on Miranda but she was not
buying into Gilbert’s charm. When she didn’t want
sex Gilbert jumped on the back of his pet polar
bear and chased Miranda around the house with a
spear. It was hours until there was a new guest at
the house. Ladies and gentlemen I present once
again Charlie Sheen. So Charlie was tired so he
went into Gilbert Godfried’s bathroom did some
blow and decided to make a chocolate stew in the
bath tub. But little did Sheen know a small Asian
man was hiding in the closet butt fucking naked
waiting for the stew to be done. Outside of the
bathroom Gilbert killed Miranda Cosgrove and ate
her liver and fucked her eye sockets and beat off
in her mouth. After Sheen’s stew was done the
little Asian man came out of the closet and
masturbated into the stew, but Charlie Sheen
didn’t notice he was so fucked up on coke. So as

44
the world turns Charlie Sheen is a fucking douche.
That’s all I have to say.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 8-10

God Dam Book, I’m Bugak Gro-bal, and you’d

better buy a goddamn book, and right away
dammit. Dude Students the book is going great, I
have a lot of words I am going for 50,000. Ha-ha
that’s awesome what’re you at right now? 13,291
words. How many pages is that? 26 I’m trying to
go for 150. You should have Gilbert Gottfried
riding a polar bear naked and he should take out
Miranda Cosgrove with a spear and Miranda is in a
pig suit eating a corn dog. Yes I will do that.
Charlie Sheen is making a fuck load of hot
chocolate in his bath tub and when he’s not
looking a tiny Chinese man shoots a load into the
mixture. Good stuff that for my next section of my
10 part chapter. Its like the best thing Charlie
Sheen has ever tasted, but he doesn’t know the
secret ingredient is Chinese semen. LOLZ!! I
wonder how old Miranda Cosgrove is. I would
trash her vagina. Just like I did to Miley Cyrus.
Damn you should be in prison dude. Nah she
came on to me. She had never used a strap-on
before but she seemed to have a good time.
Damn boy did you slam her cunt? Yeah I wrecked
that pussy. Did you use a condom? I don’t have to
wear a rubber. When I do you in the butt, cuz
rubbers are for nerds, and I’m a nasty slut, c’mon.
Dude she might have STDs get checked. Yeah
they’re celebrity STDs they are much cooler. Oh
yeah that’s right it’s like Freddy Mercury he died a
legend with AIDS. This has been a real life text
message between Jason and Dillon End
Transmission.

45
The Sinister Plan Pt. 9-10

This is a sexy story of a man named Geese. A

stupid cheating mother fucker who fights like a
mother fucking bitch ass slut. Mother fucker
doesn’t know shit. This is his life story. When
Geese was born to a man named Stan. He shit out
of his cock and Geese was born a retarded baby
dick fetus. But the pain was so horrid that Geese’s
father died after he shot that shit out of his god
damn dick. And his mother was no help she was a
drunk and threw Geese away in the trash. It was
that night when Geese was picked up by a team
of Shaolin monks to be trained to fight in the KOF
Champions. It was to be the sinister plan to make
the shittiest fighter of all time. When Geese was
five years old he started his training in order to
beat his opponent he was told to use the same
fucking move a thousand times over and over. It
was so god damn annoying I wanted to shit out
bears. When Geese was 35 he left the temple of
Shaolin to live on his own in a crappy one room
apartment where there was a pedophile living
next door and he had sex with kids every night.
Geese was prepared to fight his first opponent
Terry Bogart. But Terry was much faster and
stronger than Geese will ever be. So Geese was
defeated. So he gave up the fighting lifestyle and
went to live with his drunken mother but she killed
herself when Geese was thrown into the trash.
She didn’t like the though of being lesbian raped
in the women’s prison. So Geese went back to his
old shitty apartment where he jerked off to a
blurry image of a pair of tits on the TV. And
afterwards he pulled out a gun and killed himself.
Okay if you were thinking I was going to write a
Rocky or Karate Kid type story here you can suck

46
my balls. Nobody likes Geese on King of Fighters.
He’s a cheating butthole. That’s all I got to say
bitch ass nigger slut.

The Sinister Plan Pt. 10-10

The world of tomorrow this is the future of our

lives. Cindy Crawford was in the news today. Did
you hear about this? Okay apparently she got in
trouble for whipping out her anus at a Winger
concert. It made everyone pretty upset. Get this
the secret service was there as security at the
concert took her outside and captured her just so
they could bring her to Serbia in a Funyuns crate
so she could help them take care of a hand job
crisis. It was all over the morning news. You
should have seen it. Okay now are you ready for
the last part of the Sinister Plan? Well I bet you
are, but this isn’t the end of the book we have a
long way to go. Now not too long ago where men
can have sex with horses well okay I will say
Alabama. That’s what they do there they fuck
horses. There was a man who wanted to be the
first person to fuck a bull while wearing a red skin
tight fish net shirt. This man was named Matthew
McConnehey. He loved to fuck horses but he
wanted to try something new. So he went out to
the bull stables on his farm. And chased a bull
until he could put his penis into the bull’s butthole
the bull didn’t enjoy it at all. So it turned around
and killed Matthew with it’s horns. There was
blood everywhere. As this was happening
Macaulay Culkin was smoking a lot of weed off of
Michael Jackson’s penis corpse. It was quite
disturbing knowing that MJ molested him a lot
when he was a kid. There was so much ass play
that Culkin was never the same again so that’s

47
why he smokes weed like all the fucking time. So
as this was happening Rush Limbaugh was doing
his morning talk show on KFI and was slandering
the good name of Geddy Lee. But Geddy was not
going to let this one go. He called his band mates
Neil and Alex and they over to Los Angeles to fight
the mother fucking cigar smoking ass queer. And
when they got there Rush Limbaugh was on top of
the roof at KFI ready for a fight. So Geddy jumped
out of the jet with the Highlander sword and
completely chopped Limbaugh in half. No one was
to ever slander the great progressive rock band
Rush ever. And if anyone did Geddy would know
about it. Trust me Geddy is watching you
masturbate and he will kill you.

Chapter 21 The Death of a Coke Head

If Katy Perry wasn’t such a bitch I’d fuck her, I

tried to get her to sign my cock, so she didn’t and
I was gonna penetrate her, but she freaked out
because I’m so big. Yeah I did the same thing but
it was with Luke Perry : / oh he’s a good guy he let
me put Micromachines in his butthole. Yeah he
didn’t let me get sexy with him, but we did make
creepy crawlers for an hour and a half. Cool you
just got to give him time we started going to raves
and I gave him LSD and Viagra and then we
fucked that night. I tried slipping some tiger penis
into his coffee but that didn’t seem to work. Give
it time and he will submit you to his anus. I’ll give
him a call tomorrow. Ask if he wants to play some
meat golf. I will buddy. Dude I’m porn dry and I
need to masturbate. How are you porn dry? I
haven’t been able to watch porn for a week. How

48
come? Been at my parents. Dang, can’t shoot
without porn eh?. Yeah I need tits, if I do it in the
shower my legs give out. Gotcha. You could
always carry a picture of a pussy in your wallet. Or
a bouquet of flowers that looks suspiciously like a
pile of vaginas. Ha ha ha or a lemon wedge that
has been squeezed. Or you can stare directly into
a car’s headlights. YOW. LOL just standing out
there jacking off in the driveway. Yeah I was
outside one time and I pulled my penis out and
whipped it around. LOL like this one time I was out
camping and every night I’d go around and jack
off in other people’s tents. Dude I am dead serious
I really did pull my cock out in public. Oh hot
dang, what did the public think of your rod? It was
the middle of the night I am black so people
thought I was just looking for my keys. Oh okay.
So the last night of camping I spent the night in a
stranger’s tent just slipped right into his sleeping
bag I was gone before he woke up. Oh wow was it
a good night? Oh sure I just get so lonely out in
the woods at night. Makes me just wanna
masturbate next to sleeping people. Sounds good.
See I always beat it in the shower no clean up
whatsoever. LOL, you could always lay down and
do it. In the shower? I sit on my chair and do it.
And that is how babies are made. Any questions?

Chapter 22 The Ron Jeremy Story of Ron’s Penis

The Baldwin brothers? Yeah they got owned by

Ron Jeremy’s penis. Not that they got fucked by it.
Ron is not a faggot he fucks hot babes all the
time. He shot a laser out of his penis that killed
the whole Baldwin family and the whole future
generations of Baldwin family. So Ron Jeremy is a
legend but his penis tells the story of his success.

49
Who is Ron Jeremy? He is porn’s greatest legend.
From pre-school teacher to super horny porn
bastard. He has fucked them all. But his penis is
his secret to success. He has never fucked a dude.
He is all about the pussy. And chicks love him he
is fucking huge. But why would he quit teaching
children and fuck for a living? Because he is
fucking Ron Jeremy bitch he a fucking legend.
When Ron was a young man he was always fat,
hairy and ugly, but it never stopped Ron from
doing what he always wanted to do he was born
with an awkwardly large penis. And the penis of
the legend was the start of greatness. All the big
titted and huge clitted bimbos got a taste of Ron
Jeremy and his cock of justice. He is crowned as
the best of the best ain’t nobody have anything on
Ronny. Not only has he been in porn but he has
made a special appearance in Troy Duffy’s hit cult
film Boondock Saints. Where he also had a porn
type scene. Where he went to a strip club and
jacked off. Then he was shot to death. It was the
role of his life. There has never been a thing that
Ron has never done to a chick. Anal, Doggy style,
Blow job, Rim job, Hand job, Licking the cunt,
Missionary, Cowgirl, Reverse cowgirl you name it
he has done it. His penis has been in so much
pussy it has no way of having a problem of
becoming the next ruler of the world. So many
people look up to Ron Jeremy especially the chicks
who suck his dick. I think that Ron Jeremy should
be the next president of the USA and he can
legalize weed and he will give all those who never
felt a cunt a chance to fuck and hot porn chick
they want. Ron Jeremy and Eva Angelina 2012.
that will be the day that all will be fond of. Who
wouldn’t vote for them? Ron Jeremy is more
popular than Tom Cruise, the Baldwin’s, and the
All That cast combined. But where can you find
this legendary porn actor? Google that shit its all

50
over the place. There’s got to be a least a billion
site about Ron Jeremy. No joke you can spend a
thousand years on Ron Jeremy sites and you still
wouldn’t be done seeing them all. He has more
links to sites than Scientology, Mormonism, and
Jehovah’s Witnesses combined. This chapter has
been the praise of one great man Ron Jeremy this
one is for you. Keep on fucking those cunts.

Chapter 23 Jeder Fickt Enten

ich war einmal in Deutschland und ich fand ein
deutsches Mädchen, das blankes und superheißes
war. so zog ich meine Hosen herunter und sie
begann, meinen Hahn zu saugen. ich schlug ihr
Gesicht in meinen Hahn zu. nachdem ich alle naß
erhielt, stieg ich in diesen heißen Pussy ein. sie
hatte sehr nette Brüste. sie waren und voll groß.
ich schlug ihren Pussy zu, der so stark bumst,
dass sie mich ein Arschloch auf Deutsch schrie
und anrief. sie hatte eine große Zeit. es war so
heiß, dass ein anderes deutsches Mädchen
hereinkam und ich alle gleichzeitig bumste und
dieses am Palast von Hitler war. wir stiegen in den
Platz ein, in dem Hitler sein Hochwinden tun
würde. er ging in einem fort und ein anderes
deutsches Mädchen kam herein und ich bumste
sie auch. ich bumste sie alles so harte, dass meine
Penis herunterfiel. und es gab Samen ganz über
dem Fußboden und den Wänden dort in den
pussys und auf dort Gesichtern. ich habe nie in
meinem Leben hatte meinen Penisfall weg von
vielem Geschlecht. es war solch ein gutes
Bumsen, dass ich nach Hause nach Amerika ging
und dieses Mädchen auf dem Bus mich zeigte,
dass ihre Tits und ich sie auf dem Bus bumste, in
dem jeder uns sah. das Wort ging hinaus und
Brazzers erhielt einen Einfluss von mir und ich
bumste Eva Angelina und Kylee strutt gleichzeitig.

51
ich ging zurück nach Deutschland und bumste die
gleichen deutschen Mädchen vor dem
Regierungsgebäude, dann alle, das wir zurück zu
den Zuständen verbannt wurden. und wir
bumsten dort und ich heiratete sie alle später und
wir bumsten und wir hatten 30 Kinder genanntes
alles, die jedes dort waren, nachdem mein
Liebling darstellt. dann erhielten wir ganz eine
Scheidung. wo ich gerade nach Spanien und
Russland ging und ihre Küken und alles das
bumste. und ich bumste auch Sarah palin, das ich
von ihrer Scheiße krank war, also schlug ich meine
Penis in ihrem Mund zu, um sie das Bumsen
schließen zu lassen. Gottfluch erhielt ich soviel
Pussy, dass Jahr meine Penis wie eine Tomate für
zwei Jahre rot war. und sein noch recht Rot. und
gestern fand ich, dass ein rotes vorangegangenes
goth Küken und ich sie auch bumsten. sie
wünschte es, also gaben Schlechtes also ich es
ihr. es war gutes so bumsen gut. niemand hat
jedes gewesen, wo ich gewesen bin. haben Sie
überhaupt eine Ente gebumst? yeah haben Sie,
weil Sie schräg super heißen deutschen Cunt
erhalten. dieser Cunt war so fest. mein Dick bat
um mehr, es war wie rauchendes Unkraut zum
ersten Mal. und verbessern Sie als weg hebend.
ich tat Pornografie für ein Jahr und ich war der
Lehrling von Ron Jeremy. ich erlernte alle, die ich
von ihm weiß. jetzt besitze ich mein eigenes Land,
in dem alle meine von und von Kinder leben. wir
übernahmen China und jetzt sind die Chinesen
kein Einzelgänger hier. Ich liebe zu bumsen und
das Bumsen ist mein mittlerer Name.

Chapter 24 Translated Fun!!!

52
I was once in Germany and I found a German girl,
who was bright and superhot. thus pulled I mean
trousers down and her began, means cock to
suck. I slammed its face shut into my cock. after I
kept all wet, I entered into this hot Pussy. it had
very nice breasts. they were fully large and. I
slammed its Pussy shut, which bumst so strongly
that she cried and called me an asshole on
German. it had a large time. it was so hot that
another German girl came in and I was all bumste
and this at the same time at the palace of Hitler.
we entered into the place, in which Hitler would
do its high hoists. it went in one away and another
German girl came in and I bumste it also. I bumste
it all so hard that my penis fell down. and there
were seeds completely over the floor and the
walls there in pussys and on there faces. I have
never in my life had my Penisfall away of much
sex. it was such a good Bumsen the fact that I
went home to America and this girl on the bus
showed me that their Tits and I bumste it on the
bus, in which everyone us saw. the word went out
and Brazzers received an influence of me and I
bumste EH Angelina and Kylee strutt at the same
time. I went back to Germany and bumste the
same German girls before the government
building, then all, which we were banished back to
the conditions. and we bumsten there and I
married them later all and we bumsten and we
had 30 children mentioned everything, who were
everyone there, after my favorite explains. then
we received a divorce completely. where I straight
to Spain and Russia went and their Küken and
everything the bumste. and I bumste also Sarah
palin, which was ill from their shit I, therefore
struck I mean penis in its mouth too, in order to
let her close the Bumsen. I received as much
Pussy to God curse that year was red my penis
like a tomato for two years. and it’s still quite red.

53
and yesterday I found that a red preceding goth
Küken and I also bumsten it. it wished it, therefore
gave her bad thus I it. it was good good so
bumsen. nobody was everyone, where I was. did
you gebumst at all a duck? yeah you have,
because you are called super diagonal German
Cunt received. this Cunt was so firm. my thick
asked around more, it was like smoking weeds for
the first time. and you improve as away lifting. I
did Pornografie for one year and I was an
apprentice of Ron Jeremy. I learned all, which I
know of him. now I possess my own country, in
which all live my of and of children. we did not
take over China now and are the Chinese a loner
here. I love the Bumsen to bumsen and am my
middle name. Crappy Translation provided by
Babel Fish

Chapter 25 málaí spraoi na hÉireann

Bhí mé uair amháin i mBaile Átha Cliath, Éire ag

teach tábhairne agus ní raibh an chick Super
Gaeilge te ag féachaint ar sé teach tábhairne a
bhí ag breathnú ar mhaith liom theastaigh uaithi
go fuck. mar sin chuaigh mé anonn chuici agus a
tharraing mo bod amach agus chuaigh sí anuas
orm, agus thug sí dom post buille. ansin tar éis
dom go léir a fuair sí fliuch fucked againn ach
ceart ann. Bhí sé fucking amhlaidh uamhnach.
ansin tharraing mé amach agus i jacked as gach
cearn a aghaidh agus ar a péire foirfe s D'dúbailte.
ina dhiaidh sin ar an oíche d'fhág mé an teach
tábhairne agus chuaigh sé go dtí mo óstán nuair a
chonaic mé eile chick na hÉireann agus fucked te
lorg againn an oíche chomh maith. i dar críoch
suas fucking chicks dhá cheann déag de na
hÉireann an oíche sin. go raibh sé ach oíche

54
amháin i mBaile Átha Cliath agus bhí mé a bheith
ann ar feadh seachtaine. dá bhrí sin bhí mé 6 lá
go fuck na héireann chicks liom mo lámh ar féidir
a fháil. ar an dara lá chuaigh mé ag fiach púma
agus bhí ghnéas le 23 cougars go lá agus mo bod
dhíth orthu a bhriseadh. mar sin chuaigh mé chuig
an teach tábhairne agus drank cúig buidéil de
Guinness. ansin fucked an chick Bartending faoi
deara go raibh orm agus bhí a fhios a bhí mé mar
sin i uirthi freisin. d'iarr sí suas ar roinnt de na
cairde agus a bhí againn le Bang gang Guy ceann
cúig chicks. i fuair chuma orthu go léir le mo bod.
tar éis cúpla lá Shíl mé nach raibh mo bod dul
chun é a dhéanamh. ach i bhrú tríd go dtí an lá
deiridh i éirinn agus i fucked gach leanbh beag te
Bhaile Átha Cliath tar éis a thairiscint. Bhuel bhí sé
in am dul abhaile go Meiriceá mar sin i nGaeilge a
thabhairt ar cheann i chick thaitin an chuid is mó
agus fuair muid pósta agus bhí trí na páistí le
chéile. go raibh na bliana in Éirinn.

Chapter 26 What did you say?

I once had in Dublin, Ireland at a pub and not the

chick was super hot looking Irish pub it was
looking like she wanted to fuck. so I went over to
her and pulled my penis out and she went down
on me, and she gave me a blow job. then after me
all she got wet we just fucked right there. It was
so fucking awesome. then I pulled out and jacked
off all over his face and a pair of double A's
perfect. later that night I left the pub and went to
my hotel when I saw the Irish other chick and
fucked the night we looking hot as well. i ended
up fucking chicks twelve Irish that night. it was
only one night in Dublin and I wanted to be there
for weeks. therefore I was 6 days Irish chicks to

55
fuck my hand I can get. The second day I went
cougar hunting and 23 cougars had sex with my
penis that day and need a break. so I went to the
pub and drank five bottles of Guinness.
Bartending chick fucked then noticed that I knew
and I was so into it too. She called up some
friends and we had a gang bang one guy five
chicks. i got them all seemed to my penis. after a
few days I thought my penis was not going to do
it. but pushed through to the final day in Ireland
and fucked in every hot babe Dublin has to offer.
Well it was time to go home to America in
language so give one a chick liked most and we
got married and had three children together. that
was the year in Ireland.

Chapter 27

Я был в России и трахнул медведь. Это был

хороший медведь и я трахал утки и была
водка, а когда я ушел, я отправился в Кремль
и был секс с дочерью Владимира. Yo estaba en
México, donde tuve sexo con una chica mexicana
que estaba gorda y tenía grandes tetas. así que
después me cogió me la mató y se fue de vuelta a
América Puis je suis allé en France et j'ai tué un
très vilain poussin retardée français avec ma bite.
son visage a explosé avec mon sperme. et elle est
morte d'une surdose de cum il était si fucking
awesome que j'ai quitté la France et n'a jamais
été d'y aller plus jamais. Ako dumaan sa Pilipinas
ngunit Akala ko sa sarili ko fuck sa Pilipinas sila ay
maaaring punan up ang aking asno

Chapter 28 A World of Sexiness

56
I was in Russia, and slammed the bear. It was a
good bear and I fucked a duck and it was vodka,
and when I left, I went to the Kremlin and had sex
with the daughter of Vladimir. I was in Mexico,
where I had sex with a Mexican girl who was fat
and had big boobs. so after I killed it took me and
went back to America. Then I went to France and I
killed a very ugly chick delayed French with my
dick. her face exploded with my sperm. and she
died from an overdose of cum it was so fucking
awesome that I left France and was never to go
again. I went to the Philippines but I thought to
myself fuck the Philippines they can fill up my ass.
Thank you reading this wonderful world of sexual
languages it was a lot of fun to write this. Now go
fuck yourselves you stupid mother fuckers.

Chapter 29 A Deliciously Random Sandwich Trailer

In a world where both of our sandwiches are

totally under our chips. A new wind was about to
blow. Its lunch time it’s for real. Now its time for
one man to fulfill the conquest to find his
sandwich. To stop the evil doings of those salt and
vinegar chips. Will he ever complete this mission
or will the chips take over? “Oh my God these
chips are everywhere.” “Stop the car I need my
Dr. Pepper.” “We can’t stop here this is chip
country.” Then out of the blue comes this ancient,
forbidden tomb…….guy. And a flaming chicken.
From the makers of Fatty Butthole Bastards and
Angry Condom Carnage comes the new tale of
one man’s love for his sandwich. Starring Tom
Cruise as Dr. Knockers the Scientologist, Sir
Anthony Hopkins as the chip lord CHIPABLE. And
Bill Nye as the sandwich lover man William Ty.
Coming in 2506 the all new adventure of

57
suberdooberruber man I mean William Ty as you
see the love story like no other. A man and his
sandwich coming October 9th 2536 rated CS for
completely stupid. I WANT MY SANDWICH.
(Lightning strike).

Chapter 30 Teh Amazing Beat Teh Crap Out of

Each Other Machine

In the days of my youth I was told what it means

to have a good time. With the amazing powers of
teh beat the crap out of each other machine.
Better known as “Sock-Em Boppers” in the days of
my youth I had the power of beating the crap out
of my brethren. The giant inflatable fists of fury
can take over the imaginary country of
Gonnerealand. Battles with brothers turn into
battles with friends. Black eyes and bloody noses
are no match to a real “Sock-Em Boppers” man.
Daniel Larouso was no match to a five year old
with a huge pair of deadly inflatable fists. Chuck
Norris’ round house kick is no match to the
amazing blow of a little child’s giant ass kicking
fists. Ronald McDonald would hide in the closet
when a “Sock-Em Bopper” was in site. The WBC
would be completely destroyed with the incredible
powers of the WMD fists of muscular fury. “Sock-
Em Boppers” were the perfect gift for any
occasion. They are the perfect gift for a man to
say to his fiancé “I Love You” “Battle Time
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” They made every
little boy happy and gave them the confidence to
beat the living shit out of the school bully “Sock-
Em Boppers” the most amazing toy ever created.

Chapter 31 A List of stuff!!!

58
Dervish
Ecunga
Candy!
ROFL Copter
Lollerskates
LOL
Poppycock
Poppycosh
Bugger
Sick Burgers
Trogdor
Fanny-pack
Gamester
Deckard Kane
Fear me
You can’t run away
Take This
Now bear my arctic blast
Muhahahaha
Spirits lend me your powers
Pouchel
I’m not Wally
Emilio
Your mom
Shit-flap
Wanker
Roger Me

59
Freddy
B.K. Lounge
Dank!
Pants
Zipper
Dee Dee Dee
Ultimate Fananza of Pants
Letter “B”
Elmo
Cooper
Whoa!
A Sphincter Says What?
Mama Mia
Beelzebub
Johnny Poo Poo Pants
Maria!!
Cooking Channel
Afro Pops
Shimmy Doos
Lopperpons
Hilary Clinton 666
This Hitler is where I sandwich, He’s Rightalige
LOL.LOL.ROFL Ha ha ha
Eh?
Hoser
Brewski
Take off Eh?
Back Bacon

60
Beer
Shoooze mom!
Shoruken
Haduken
Samuel L. Jackson
X-Box Tree City
Eww it’s old!!
Sexy Beard Man
Slam Fest with Bob Barker
Highlander
Chewbacca
Lando Calrizian
Your Face!
Chickens Say MOO!!
Sonic Boom
Tehhaxxors
Tourettes Guy says “Oh Shit”
Your Cow!
Nelly Playing Cards
Ahhhnold!
Tumor
Kahlifornia
Secret Zeppelin
BB
A Liger
SHOOOOOOOOE
Dillon’s Shoe is…….
Cherry Garcia

61
Oh No Johnny!
I pity the fool!
Find the Fish
Yes!
Salad Fingers
Hubert Cumberdale
Majory Stewart Baxter
Jeremy Fisher
Milfred Cubicle
Spoilsbury Toast Boy
We are the dervish setter
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Homsar
BAMF
Whoopee Cushion
The Bats
Bat Country as in Fear and Loathing not A7X

Chapter 32 Massive Haxx Pool Sales

Pwned poder haxxor trumpet sangwich cow sale

orlone faster sped. Hummus dervish pie red frank
open sally French tators. Silo death poor lungs of
Hubert. Poor old opposable thumbs uncle ben’s
rice milk. Leeroy kilroy sigfried and roy ates a the
sandwich of one of the world. Boiling hot acid in a
pool of Jehovah. Old men run the trumpet banana
song. Pennies and nickels at a one of a ekunga.
Orepo that was in a the tehjames samich. Deli
style finger foods of epic banana fries old man
waits to trumpet an old dog fray. Police rest a sale

62
of da pools there will be no more friends for an
animal named freddy. Pool table old sally
sandwich are we not on a troopers side of eggos
and cheese. Pwned poder haxxor trumpet
sangwich cow sale orlone faster sped. Cool aide
Samuel old sars willow the world is now a loner of
old trumpet deals on a house of epic readings of
the orke on the world of god’s juice box. Look in a
hole with ned’s old powdered sack old with dies
and eaten of the rest of the dervish setter. LOL
internet new ways to win the world has been
haxxored into a new land of bazaa. Kicking quaker
willy saloons killers sand of the beachy old file. I
am the wally eaten cows to please to months of
our poorest dervish side pants. Pajamas pajameas
potatoes potatoos tomatoes tomattos lets call the
whole thing off. Louis wallis batman pool poor old
allen wretched pooar opperona. Pwned poder
haxxor trumpet sangwich cow sale orlone faster
sped. Burt and ernie nubert sanker juice rest wet
one pooder pancake sandwich. Plate wipes sally
saddened joes poder yolk eggs sandwich franklin
salles. ROFL poorest dervish reader pooder
Samuel friendly pete tots. Kool aid larry pool of old
restroom walter please sausage pills of yellow and
frankenberry. Justice poulee pods of doom
grateful dead heads on a cinnamon gooser. I pod
saddam semester pool cade lokkendock Justin.
Uber sangwich just as a sally pickles hummers
juice boxers of Kevin the stripper. Poor old man
eats kidney sandwich pies of the wallis in corn old
fred. Pwned poder haxxor trumpet sangwich cow
sale orlone faster sped. Under the box Jehovah
errors of jesus humpers sallis open chest Frankie.
Moley dysentery pools of godly sandy underpants
fed-ex salad sammy. Nopes allens poker jams
federline sally sank in the bed of golden savory
sally buckles. Kilroy kills sallys dog freddy sank of
goals old franks are a the noober. Pooh the

63
winnies loppercon kickers chicken sally Samuel
hunner salad. Pwned poder haxxor trumpet
sangwich cow sale orlone faster sped.

Chapter 33 One Word

Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis

Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis

64
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis
Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis.

Chapter 34. Off the Wall Questions

1. if a rooster lays an egg on a roof will the egg

roll off to the left or the right?
2. why did grandma burn the cookies?
3. what is the meaning of life?
4. how old is Deckard Kane?
5. what is your favorite Pokémon?
6. why did they create Read Please?

65
7. remember on Diehard when Bruce Willis walked
on all that glass?
8. how many fingers does a duck have?
9. why do Snickers have peanuts?
10. what happened to light up shoes?
11. what am I doing?
12. why does Superman wear his underwear
outside his clothes?
13. why did the Russians eat the moon?
14. why do babies go goo goo gaa gaa?
15. why do unicorns live in Australia?
16. why did dad throw the remote at the TV?
17. why is there 99 bottles of beer in the wall?
18. who murdered Mr. Body?
20. who kidnapped Gram the grizzly?
21. why do we have Dells?
22. who is Sean Claude Vandamme?
23. why is Tom Cruise a scientologist?
25. Why did Dillon eat my sandwich?
26. what should I do with my life?

Chapter 34. Cartoons gone wrong!

Our story starts here in Radio City Music Hall in

New York City. Shaggy and Batgirl have a
discussion about their home life and jobs.

The lights come on where Shaggy is smoking a

bong on an elevator. Batgirl enters the elevator.

66
Shaggy- hey Batgirl, how’s it going?
Batgirl- oh you know same old same old.
Shaggy- oh I see, want to get blazed?
Batgirl- ah why the fuck not?
Shaggy- so how’s your job?
Batgirl- oh God you have no idea what it is like to
work with Batman. The guy is a total pedophile.
You know being 80 years old and staring at me
with a massive old man boner.
Shaggy- hmm! That sounds gross
Batgirl- oh yeah you’re telling me, but Robin is
even worse.
Shaggy- how so?
Batgirl- he goes to the bathroom every five
minutes for about 2 hours doing God knows what.
Shaggy- wow I really feel you
Batgirl- thanks, what about you?
Shaggy- same as you, Scooby is dead, Freddy is a
faggot, Velma is dead in space some fucking
zombie space mission or some shit, and Daphne is
just a bitch whore.
Batgirl- yeah I see what you mean
Shaggy- what about your home life?
Batgirl- well I was married to The Flash for a
month until he had an affair with Wonder Woman.
Shaggy- where are they now?
Batgirl- well The Flash is homeless somewhere in
California, because Wonder Woman stole his
money and ran.
Shaggy- wow sucks for him
Batgirl- yeah you could say that. How about you?

67
Shaggy- well my wife Betty Rubble left me and my
son is in prison for meth possession and rape, now
I am living on the road I still have the Mystery
Machine, but now I call it the Shag Van, I pretty
much fucked like 12 chick in that thing.
Batgirl- wow I see, I guess we are alike in a lot of
ways.
Shaggy- yeah we are aren’t we?
Then all of the sudden Shaggy pulls out his penis
and Batgirl starts sucking his dick and they have a
lot of sex.
Batgirl- hey lets get some coffee sometime and
talk some more.
Shaggy- yeah but first you need to take some
cum. When do you want to get coffee?
Batgirl- how about Friday?
Shaggy- Alright no problem, now swallow that
cum.
The doors open and shaggy walks out and Fred
Flintstone enters through the door where a naked
Batgirl is satisfied by Shaggy’s cock. Shaggy goes
outside and drives off in his van never to be seen
again.

Chapter 35. “Bike” Pt. 1

Dr. Johnson once said…..

“A man, who makes a beast of himself, looses the
pain of being a man.”
Sorry this story will not be a recreation of “Fear
and Loathing in Las Vegas.” Okay maybe a little
bit. This is a story about life; it’s about what it
means to be a man’s man. It has meanings to it. It

68
is about one man, one desire, and one large
bucket of chicken. Okay there is no chicken. Well
no more explaining shit, lets get to the god damn
story.

Liverpool, England 1973: Three years after the

Beatles break up and a depressing world of dead
like rock and roll. One famed record producer, the
one and only Bruce Dickenson is about to make
an album with rock group “Blue Oyster Cult.” In
Strawberry Fields a meeting is held. Claudius from
a ditch and Klinger from the 4077th MASH unit
were discussing the meaning of life of a rock star.
Some would say drugs, booze, babes, and money.
Is that really the meaning of life of a rock star?
Well we are not sure. Now are we? Claudius’ cell
phone rings. Oh wait holy shit there is no cell
phone. A pay phone rings and Claudius answers it.
Bruce Dickenson needed massive help in
producing this album. Claudius and Klinger
accepted the challenge and jumped into their
Lamborghini Diablo, I mean Datsun Coup. They
drove to Abbey Road Studios. In a massive traffic
jam a homeless man told Claudius and Klinger his
interest in necrophilia and yelled British insanities
at them. “You buggers, fat fanny, shit-flap, why
not roger me? you wanker, bitch cock.” That man
later on became David Firth creator of Fat-
pie.com. “Jesus God man that guy freaked the shit
out of me.” Said Klinger. “Well thank God we are
in the studio.” Exclaimed Claudius. “Thank you
Jehovah.” Wept Klinger. They walk into the front
door of the studio. The lobby is empty except for a
teenager reading a book. “Hey kid what are you
reading there?” asked Claudius. “What the fuck
man? I am reading a God dam book, what the hell
is wrong with you asshole?” yelled the kid. “Whoa!
Calm down kid.” Yelled Klinger. They leave the kid

69
alone. That kid was Holden Caulfield star of The
Catcher in the Rye. Klinger and Claudius walk
through the first door. “Don’t give me that do
goody good bullshit.” The powerful voice of David
Gilmour and the amazing sounds of Pink Floyd.
Not the right room lets dry the next one. “My
Cherie Amour.” Nope not that one, next one. The
next room. The sounds of guitars, bass drums,
vocals and cowbells. They enter the famous “Blue
Oyster Cult” and Bruce fucking Dickenson stand in
the middle of the room. A greeting session is held.
“Don’t Fear the Reaper” is the first song to play.
After the first song is done they go to the second
and so on. They finish the album in about 9
months. Thanks to Claudius and Klinger the album
was a huge success and sold a billion copies world
wide. A successful hit in England. And the U.S. this
is the successful story of Claudius from a ditch
and Klinger from the 4077th MASH unit. Famous
record producers. Without them the world would
never be the same. There would be no cowbells or
oyster cults that are blue or anything for that
matter. Years later Claudius and Klinger broke up
their partnership and went their separate ways.
Klinger became an army recruit for high school
kids and Claudius became a porn actor. The music
industry was destroyed as we know it. Well until
Rush came in and made kick ass music for all. No
one survived the battle that didn’t exist.

“Bike” Pt. 2

Cesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada 3:00 PM

Saturday. King Leonidus talks to the leader of the
WBC. Yes I mean the evil Fred Phelps. Leonidus
was saying he will not let his people become
slaves and he will fight for his country. Fred

70
Phelps was getting ready for the kill. Then out of
the blue “THIS IS SPARTA” Leonidus kicked Fred
off a 30 story balcony and Fred died there was
blood everywhere. A midget with a phone said “sir
this is Las Vegas, Nevada calling” in the California
desert somewhere around Barstow. Famous
journalist Raoul Duke and his Samoan attorney Dr.
Gonzo were driving to Las Vegas to meet up with
King Leonidus. In the back of the Red shark there
was their kit bag full of a wide variety of different
kinds of narcotics. For example there were two
bags of grass, seventy five pellets of mescaline,
five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt
shaker half full of cocaine, and a lot of other
drugs. They were driving in an area full of bats
with boners and the bats were raping people. But
the bats weren’t really there. It was the drugs
talking. “Did you see what God just did to us
man?” cried Dr. Gonzo. “God didn’t do you did,
you’re a fucking narcotics agent.” It was 3:05 PM
Saturday when they got there. Five minute drive
from Barstow to Las Vegas. A little earlier than
expected. They go to Stardust Hotel and asked for
a suite. Yet they are high on drugs. Finally after
hours of mumbling and yelling about reptiles
fucking and shit they get their suite. A whole
restless night and the sun burning the sky a knock
comes on the door. “Holy shit who’s at the door.”
“Sit the fuck down I will see.” Duke opened the
door. Adam West is standing at the door
completely naked. “Oh my god nor only you are
old, but you forgot your clothes.” Said Duke. “Oh
I’m not naked this is my Bat suit.” “No you are
completely naked.” The door was slammed. “Who
was it?” Asked Gonzo. “Adam West in the nude.”
Answered Duke. “Oh my god this world is going
fucking insane.” They left their hotel room to go to
Cesar’s Palace to meet with Leonidus. They leave
and nearly scare an old lady to death. With the

71
drugs that were being exposed. They gave the old
lady 500 dollars to keep her quiet. On the other
Side of the world Claudius married Klinger they
now have many children. They now live in
Brooklyn. Back to Vegas. When Duke and Gonzo
enter the doors of Cesar’s Palace there was blood
all over the floor. Severed arms, legs, and heads.
“Oh my god it’s a huge battlefield.” They go to the
front desk. At the front desk is Colonel Henry
Blake a former leader of the 4077th MASH unit. “I
am Raoul Duke I’m here to see King Leonidus.”
“Do you have any ID on you?” asked Blake. “Why
yes here you go.” “Thank you Leonidus is upstairs
on level 3 room 951.” “Thanks I will show myself.”
Raoul and Gonzo go to room 951 on the third
floor. To find Leonidus. They knock on the door.
The door opened automatically. King Leonidus
was standing by the window drinking a bottle of
gin. “Hey come on in, have a seat.” King Leonidus
offered them some drinks. They asked for tequila
and some rum. They sit around talking and eating
grapefruit. They got super drunk and went out for
a night on the town. They threw eggs at cars,
teepee hotels, caused mayhem to society. They
caused so much mayhem that they harassed a
police officer. They have no bail, no phone call,
not a single luxury. So you would probably die in
jail. Unless they manage to get better in the next
hour.

“Bike” The End

When Geese was born the doctor yelled

“PREDICTABLE” Geese made a cheap ass move
and the doctor threw him out the window into on
coming traffic. In the next room a child was born.
“THERES BLOOD EVERYWHERE.” (crash, scream)

72
The doctor said the baby was a damn man’s man
like he has ever seen. No one survived the babies’
rampage in the hospital. Everyone died of one hell
of a man’s man child. Once again the doctor
yelled “PREDICTABLE.” And the end was near.
Well at least I can construct additional BALLS.
Until next time see the next episode of DRAGON
BALL Z!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 36 Random Facts Pt. 1

1. I smoke like a freight train

2. Who is Tom?
3. There will be blood, sort of
4. Kool-aid is the juice of life
5. Colbert must keep fear alive
6. 10/10/10 is this Sunday
7. Dr. House will slap a bitch who says lupus
8. Russian laughing room to your left
9. Internet porn sold here
10. You are on fire; literally you are really on fire
11. Red Barchetta is a Spanish car and also a song
by Rush
12. Hershey bars
13. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do I
prefer Dos Eqius
14. That was one hell of a bad idea
15. John Lennon born today
16. Paulie Shore is an idiot
17. I sell drugs for the president

73
18. Speak and Spell never taught me how to spell
19. Weed stores need to have a pizza place next
door
20. Are narwhals real?
21. the dip, Potato skins
22. Don’t play darts while naked and drunk
23. I crapped out a bomb
24. Guitar solo enters here
25. Deep inside this post you will find a portal to a
new world
26. A whole world it’s a spoon a wonders
27. I can show you the world shining shimmering
splendid
28. Girls Gone Wild infomercials always play at
night
29. They are annoying
30. They don’t show any boobs
31. I was once a poor black man
32. I ran out of ideas for this one
33. We are the world
34. Michael Ian Black's shows keep on getting
cancelled
35. Free Kittens
36. I bought Tibet it was Free
37. Yeah I sold it to China
38. You are now in leaving Bikini Bottom
39. ZZZZZZ!!!!
40. Steve Vai is a bad horsie but one hell of a
guitar player

74
Random Facts Pt. 2

1. Leprechauns are REAL!!! My Great grandfather

was one!!
2. Eddie Van Halen's magical talking guitar
3. Stephen Colbert destroyed John Stewart's army
on WOW
4. This is a sign, you have thirty days then your
landlord is throwing your ass in the street
5. PORNO is not what you think (see next blog and
I will explain)
6. Waffles is my cat *cough* LIAR *cough*
7. I am living a lie
8. Martha Stewart is a lesbian
9. God I would never look at her doing Rosie
O'Donnell
10. More @ 6
11. Look up crime scene photos on the internet of
Ed Geine AKA Leatherface and Mason
12. It will make you shit your pants
13. Has anyone seen my keys?....oh wait I don’t
Drive
14. In Soviet Russia, Car Run over your face,
BITCH!!!!
15. Mr. Johnson first name Dick
16. There is locust everywhere
17. Okay who turned on the plagues?
18. I have to take a dump.
19. Flush, Wipe, Flush okay I’m back oh gotta go
again.

75
20. RAHHHHHHHHH!!! Plop plop plop plop
SPLASH!!!!
21. Oh man you guys I just took the biggest crap
22. I want to go to DerdneyLand
23. Bock durka durka burka durka Mohammad Ji
Had
24. Now its time to defuse that bomb Jack Bauer
oh too late it’s been 24 hours KABOOM!!!
25. May 25th nothing is happening
26. Free Puppies to a good home call 1 661 205
2235
27. HADOKEN!!!!!
28. Sorry Dave's not here
29. No Man I’m Dave!!!!
30. This is the end, be sure to wipe your ass after
taking a dump!!!!

Random Facts Pt. 3

1. My son's name is Spray short for Spraynard

Kruger.
2. Dr. House says it’s not lupus and that one is
true
3. 4/20 is on a Tuesday, happy birthday Hitler we
are all very disappointed in you.
4. Kim Jong-Il is playing chess with Tony Blair.
5. I am not just a man I am a penile warrior.
6. Q-Zar closed down years ago laser tag is gay
anyway real men play paintball.
7. Lambda Lambda Lambda
8. Breakfast is important so is brinner

76
9. Porn burns out small children's eyes and will
turn them to stone
10. Mi ombligo es en fueto.
11. Sex rockets light up the night like Bill Clinton
for example
12. cotton is what makes shirts
13. Happy Birthday Spray I’m disappointed in you.
14. Dank Pirate Fan Anza is my Drunk Duck
account name.
15. Rectal Cancer sold here
16. Pottery is sexual when you are a ghost.
17. You are here.
18. welcome to my party.
19. Students ad the Rhino the dirtiest book ever
written coming soon.
20. 4+20=420 it doesn’t equal 24 anymore
21. R. Kelly pissed on you yesterday.
22. Earth Day!!!
23. Spiderman has erectile dysfunction it will not
stay down
24. Yu-Gi-Oh cards not popular anymore
25. Salad is good for you but real men eat meat
26. I have my tool chest, I aint no god dang ol'
boye!!!
27. 2 girls 1 cup more like 2 ugly bitches 1 cup of
ice cream
28. The anus is two inches from a womans vagina
29. you will be awoken by the sound of cat sex
30. April is Autism Awareness month and that is
not bullshit

77
31. Clark Gable doesn’t give a damn
32. I farted on your pillow last night
33. Mr. Roger's Neighborhood today at 2.
34. Irish Cream Coffee is a great way to start your
day.
35. Geddy Lee on Bass
35. Neil Peart on drums
36. Alex Lifeson on Guitar
37. Rush is an amazing group
38. Clamburger
39. This is a fact on Chuck Norris he got his ass
kicked by Bruce Lee
40. You got mail Good Bye.

Random Facts Pt. 4

1. Bears are fluffy

2. I have a prostetic pot plant in my room
3. Pie is illegal without cheese in Wisconsin
4. Steven Colbert is secretly making an army on
WOW.
5. John Stamos is actually a woman.
6. Condoms are like helmets for your little soldier
7. I dont like Political butt holes, but i love making
mac and cheese.
8. I am not going to play WOW with anyone
9. Dont make out with horses, you will be sorry.
10. Mr. T pities fools like Biden for a big fucking
deal.

78
11. Obama is going to eat a sandwich with
Vladimir Putin.
12. They call that thing Vagina.
13. this is the thirteenth fact.
14. I am not interested in your kids, but you are
and that cool with me.
15. South Central is fun on sundays
16. Ireland is attacking Germany, they want to
prove they are the greatest drinkers ever.
17. Dont read anything about Men and Rabbit
farts.
18. Weed is a plant.
19. Its all over my garden.
20. ten four buddy over and out.
21. 2012 is a crappy movie.
22. Thats how old i will be in july.
23. Boobs are a gift we must cherish for the ages.
24. John Wilkes Booth was a pornstar
25. Ron Jeremy was one too.
26. Where's my super suit?
27. March is the month of the third month of the
year.
28. there is no party like a 50 cent party go
charline its yo birthday
29. I am in da club right now
30. The DJ is playing phat beats.
31. you know your a red neck when....
32. cakes are birthday presents you can eat.
33. Boston is very pretty in the fall.
34. Alaska is cold even in the summer.

79
35. Starbucks to make bacon latte.
36. John Stewart is going to fight Steven Colbert in
WOW.
37. Ann Coulter is the spawn of Satan.
38. The Queen is playing COD 4.
39. Ricky Martin is Jewel in disguise.
40. This is # 40 the last fact.

Okay some of these facts are bullshit, but still fun

to write.

Chapter 37 How to Become Irish

1. Learn to speak in an Irish accent, you can

watch a lot of Boondock Saints or live in Ireland to
obtain this goal.
2. Learn to not be afraid to get your hands dirty
and do not fear hard labor like working on farms
or in fields of sheep.
3. Learn to be able to drink coffee with whiskey
try it one time and if you can survive to passed
this step.
4. Learn to love Guinness, if you are not a beer
drinker try it and see where it takes you.
5. Learn to get super drunk, If you cant hold your
liquor than this goal shall be easy for you.
6. Learn to go to mass like an Irishman.
7. Learn to listen to your Irish mother she knows
best.
8. Your Irish father will teach well.
9. Drink Whiskey and beer everyday of your life.

80
10. Dont be afraid to get into pub fights.
11. Learn to wear thick sweaters that even the
boniest fingered nun will poke you and it will not
bother you none.
12. Learn to love corned beef and cabbage.
13. Learn to fear potato famines.
14. Saint Patrick's day will be your day learn to
cherish it and get drunk.
15. Learn about your heritage
16. Learn about Irish proverbs like Let the rose
rise to meet you or The luck o the Irish.
17. Learn to speak Irish Gaelic.
18. Know how to drink the Irish way.

if you follow this 18 step program you too can be

Irish.

Chapter 38 Test
1. Where’s the bathroom?
2. Did you see Van Wilder?
3. Who or what is a Lady Gaga?
4. Is that berry scented air spray? it smells like
medicine.
5. Are you going to the party at Randy's house?
6. Hey are you Justin Bieber? I am going to kill you
if you are.
7. Where’s that Richard guy?
8. Which one is the nice twin? Mary-Kate or
Ashley? oh yeah that’s right you're both
wHORES!!!!
9. Is this horse sack for sale?

81
10. So, is it true what they say about beavers?
11. does this one make my junk look big?
12. Does anyone know where my pappy went?
13. No way there’s a cock fight?
14. Did you just fart?
15. Is that a piece of poop?
16. Does this song suck dick or what?
17. You want to meet my family? their clowns
does that bother you?
18. where’s the seed at?
19. Is this shirt cotton or suede?
20. What is your favorite color? if it's green join
the party
21. do you have to poop? well your walking
around clenching your butt cheeks
22. Are you doing that thing with the water hose?
23. Is this chicken or fish? its fish bitch
24. Thats not Netflix is it?
25. What do you mean you dont have any porn?
28. can you fill up this bag with girl on girl action
and anything with no arms and legs?
29. oh you mean nugget porn?
30. oh you have that?
31. no we dont, can i interest you in Mona Lisa
Smile?
32. is that porn?
33. sorry no, would you like me ring up that
movie?
34. which one?
35. Mona Lisa Smile?

82
36. No you're fucking gay!!!!, where’s the nearest
porn shop?
37. this is a porn shop, can I interest you in a dildo
or a penis pump?
38. wait this is a porn shop?
39. yes, do you want flavored condoms?
40. If this is a porn shop why dont you have porn?
41. oh you want porn? I thought you asked for
corn
42. Is this a girl or a boy? oh that’s Justin Bieber
43. Welcome to my party want some pie?

Chapter 39 Cheez it and Canada Dry

Such an awesome flavor explosion you can get

from one Cheez-It. they are so fucking good.
Combine it with the flavalisious goodness of
Canada Dry Ginger Ale. then my friends you have
yourself the most ultimate orgy ever. Beating your
meat cant compare to it. I'm not talking about
soul less gingers. If you drank those people that
would be a form of cannibalism and we no longer
have room in this world for faggy fairy vampires.
I'm sorry folks but Stephanie Meyer needed to
chock on a chode. Anyway if gingers somehow
had the stem cell. then I dont see anything wrong.
Because first off at least we are not getting it from
fetuses. We are getting it from soul less beings
know as gingers. so Medical Scientists do your
work and extract ginger blood for all sick and
crippled people. At least Cripples are cooler and
more popular than gingers. Oh I'm sorry am I
offending you? well boo hoo and shut up this is
my time here and I can write whatever I please.
So back to cheese crackers and bubbly. Have you

83
ever noticed how if you drop a Cheez-it in ginger
ale and you eat it its all soggy and gross? well
dumb ass Cheez it's are not supposed to be in the
ginger ale. what gave you the right mind to do
that you dumb shit. If you like to hear me rant
about how much I hate Creed press 1 or if you like
to hear me rant about how much I love cats press
2. Thank you you chose 1. Yes I hate Creed with a
passion. A band with a singer who tries to sound
like the great Eddie Vedder. Now that is fucking
gay. and the fact they call themselves a Christian
band is so damn pathetic. Oh please William Hung
has more talent in his left testicle than these
guys. So my suggestion to Scot Stapp or whatever
his fucking name is give up and never ruin music
ever again you make Eddie Vedder want to puke
out blood and you make virgins want to kill
themselves before having sex. Double prize you
picked 2. Yea I will admit to it I love cats I have
two at home one is black and his name is Harry.
he’s fucking awesome. The other is Jade she’s
cool, but a little weird and somewhat retarded.
Now when you take a cheez-it dip it in cream
cheese and drink ginger ale mixed with your
favorite booze you have an orgy so huge that you
die from a massive erection explosion. that only
one thing can save you a Neil Peart drum solo of
life. If you say Neil Peart is not the greatest
drummer or if you say Rush sucks. I will go to your
house and cut you up BITCH!!! No one ever disses
Rush. They are fucking awesome and they will kill
you themselves. With all your pussy music like
Nickel back and Creed or Slipknot and Lady Gaga
you are a fucking pussy. Rush is so fucking
awesome they can out beat those faggy bands
any day. So it was nice seeing all you good
people. I end with these charming words dont be a
fucking pussy.

84
Break time….

Breath in Breath out whack off eat a fish stick do

whatever I don’t care we will continue in a few
moments!!!!

Chapter 40 we are back!!!!

Please continue to next chapter THIS PAGE IS

BLANK!!!!!!!!

Chapter 41 Bob’s Big Boy

Old man Salisbury toaster sandwich trumpets.

Sand of old beachy pedophile Samuel. Lambs eat
a sad old boys silo franks. Sinks with corroded
babies sangwich uber pie flame. Kid Icarus
tournament sally old babies in the skid row
sandwich. Bish Donovan’s shuot Steven’s and
shifty-five little toaster sants. An album cover old
the therapist, of old. Tap! Tap! Tap! An old man
stands on the hill. Fast Forwarded! Fly on your
way like an eagle! Nacho bowling at Admiral
Cheddar’s Senor E queso’s atrium. Summer sallis
devo sally old Cornwallis sandwiches. Maria died
in the bed ugh! At the wall where everyone’s pi
goes to 3.14 with many ROFL and lollerskates
adventures. Knotwally and friends visit an old
man’s grain silo. With many other adventures a
baby killed an old hick named Majory Stewart
Baxter. Teh haxxored puters LOL interrupted

85
examination Dillon’s. Rocks of the buckle trumpet
silo sanker yo battleshit bish! Song Emilio
Estevez’s ducks of icy sandwich rocks on a vodka
gooser. Pens teller silent voodoo child Hendrix.
“Oh No Johnny” the bookshelf old of pies on an old
dysentery wagon. How’s it going eh? Hey hoser
this stuff is four months old. I was like a one man
show like Charleston Hesston the Omega Man did
you see it? It was beauty. It’s one of those square
records that goes on its side eh? Hosehead sally. I
loved it was great yeah it was pretty good. Well
they were cut off!!!!

Chapter 42 Hubert’s Rectal Thornets

Silo sandwich trumpet solo sandwich haxxor devo

deals. Nubert sally toast bready poker sandy dies
of old moldy dysentery. Emilio hunter’s hummus
pie. Number 9 of old moldy Hubert Cumberdale.
Bobby polls the vote for the new leader of the
league of unshaven men. Butter sandwich
mustard coke salty Frankenberry yolk of egos
cheese sauce…..pool dervish mans wich
bish!!!!!!!!!! Dekkerd Kane created Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris created God, God created
Jesus…….Kool Aid Samuel is an old Amish pants.
With a beard named sally nubert devo salker
walker texas ranger sally….Oh no Johnny
underpants sally sandwich new ways to win the
LOL poker face mold pantazol?
0010101010010100101001010010101001010010
1010010101010010101001100101010100101001
0100101010010010010100100101010100101001
01011101001010010100101001010100101001se
e now this is binary code if you can read it I will
give you a cookie well I bet you cant hahaha I will
never give you a cookie…..YOU FOOL!!!!!! Vagins

86
of old Hubert sangwich party with pantsa Dekkerd
Kanes horogic cube Diablo horogic staff. This is
the end of the story now muffins equals milk
canned toast moldy sandwiches?
Muhahahahhahaha you thought this was the end
the sandwich BK lounge hummus siler thistle of
hubert’s rectal thornets….Burnt Face Man frees
little children of old mans basement silo? Marias
little cocktail party everyone died in the bed ugh!
(>^_^)(>*_*)> butter mans buttery toast boy
….milk sandwiches taste like hot sick? Zim zim
zala bim buttons of that was easy. Trumpet
buckies sally sandy mold silo milked cows of your
moms
dysentery…………………………………………………….
.cool story in a way of hot sick END…!#!@#!@$!
#$#@%$#^#^$%&&%^**^&(&(^**%&%^@$!
#!$!#!+ old moldy sandwich for Dekkerd Kane.
Hubert sally sandy quakers sandwich. Benny the
silo goosers devo Justin junction. You tube torta.
Buttons and Justin Timberlakes sandwich
knockers. Hummus salad cool kids are knot wally
the james Samish. Lolli pops taco gum drop
burrito….button of the red silo sandwich song.

Oh my god Maria its Knotwally utopia sandwish

sally……muy vein butts of smoking aces Jeremy
Fisher. Nubert franenberrys silo house MD kicker
man sauce mikes. Gubbendocks dekkerd kane…
there can only be one HIGHLANDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hummus zala bim? You read a book on the
horogic cube!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
don’t go to the light? Night time sandwiches if you
catch the drift? ROFL copter adventures with
Justin Bieber and Eddie Van Halen. Look at me I’m
sexy ding dong ding dong!!!!!!! The word of the
day is POOP as in people order our patties? Hubert
just died of the rectal thornets…END

87
Chapter 43 A Deliciously random pastrami
adventure

In the fall of 1947 in the vacant paradise of

Acoongapada, Illinois there lived a strong willed
man named Johnny Pastrami. He was very tired of
fishing outside his window of his 3 story
apartment. The clouds rolled in like the green,
brick wall that was built yesterday. Ike a blank
piece of paper Johnny flew to a city plagued with
the music of Agoraphobic Nose Bleed. The hours
passed by when the pinball wizard lost his small
pocket sized note book. Johnny stepped in a pile
of hot molten lava. He found a lot of bags of gold.
He met a sadistic madman named Hillary Clinton.
He tried to kill Johnny, but Johnny knew it wasn’t
easy and it was fatal to try to attack. He laughed
and tried to attack. Johnny ducked and lurches
away Hillary sees an overweight pigeon and eats
it, the bird gets stuck in his throat and he
explodes into a million feathers. Johnny rode a
newspaper in big printed letters to escape from
the loony bin. He flew as the sun rises slowly like
an old lawn red neck. Sitting on the porch. The
plane crashed as the girl disappears from the
burning smell of gingivitis. He came to the grain
covered countryside of Carpool, England. He had a
bowl of Grainy O’s. the weatherman talked about
the chance of hail, and then he exploded in a still,
blue lake. For at least 15 years Johnny went to
visit the arrogant wild man named Geoffrey B.
Jenkins. The most sensual moment of his
adventure was the peacha and the Dr. Coke,
Johnny will disappear at sunrise…END

Chapter 44 The Machine

88
3:00 PM. I arrive at home. The message machine
beeps as to tell me that there are messages on it.
I put down my book bag and walk into the kitchen.
I push the play button. “BEEP….You have five new
messages, message one BEEP” I listen to the first
message which went like this…”Hello this is Ed
the painter I went by the house today , but no one
was home so I will come back another time. Good
Bye.” “Message two BEEP” the second message.
“hey Mike its Roy, I will not be carpooling with you
tomorrow. Due to being sick, but the other guy
will, whatever the fuck his name was?” “Message
three BEEP.” The third message. “Hello this is Ron
from Vivid Entertainment we got a call from a Mr.
Curtis who was interested in premiering in one of
our videos with Kylee Strutt so if you can call us
back that would be great. Good Day.” Message
four BEEP.” The fourth message hope its good the
last one was great I’ve always wanted to fuck a
pornstar. “Hello this is the FBI we have noticed
that a Mr. Curtis has been downloading a lot of
free music so if you can stop that that would be
great. Thank you and God Bless America.” Ah
bullshit. “Message five BEEP.” The last message
finally. “Hello my name is Mark from the national
brotherhood of Jehovah’s Witnesses and I was
wondering if you have ever accepted the Lord into
your life? If so please call me and talk to me about
yourself and I will tell you my story. God Bless
You. Amen” “End of messages BEEP.” Ah damn no
good messages I think I will call vivid and try to
get a porno scene with the ever so smoking hot
Kylee Strutt.

Chapter 45 Knotwally

89
(This time it’s for real)
In a land far away. War has stricken the land. Only
one man can save all of man kind. His name is
Knotwally. Not too long ago Knotwally went on an
epic journey to become a great Highlander. He
defeated the Old Hick of the mountain of Jenkins.
He has also defeated the I-Mac man of the Gates
of Hades. Now he is an all powerful highlander. He
only fought with one weapon and defeated many
thugs with a kendo stick. On the way of his many
journeys he’s met some good friends one of them
being Cornwallis the angry Slogan. Who is the
defender of the west lands of Melekalekamaka. As
time went on for Knotwally so did his strength and
power. The real Knotwally was coming out of the
grave. He is a fat man named Freddy. With only
one goal to destroy all evil and save mankind
forever. Now it is his time to show everyone what
he can do as a new enemy takes the stage. The
one and only Fredrick Pothelpop. The man with
the strength of a thousand lions. In the meantime
Knotwally and Cornwallis were building an army of
Walker Texas Rangers to defeat the evil reign of
Fredrick. Fire burns the land the first of Fredrick’s
evil reign. But not the last of Knotwally’s revenge
as he destroys the army of Pothelpop. The war
lasted for 15 years and Fredrick was hiding out
making plans to destroy the Walker Texas Ranger
army and to eliminate Knotwally. The war has
ended and a new Knotwally crew was born with
new members such as Stevie, Sam Fisher, Church,
and SARS. They went on a five day journey to find
Fredrick and when they did he was stronger than
ever. With the power of Knotwally and friends they
were able to defeat one evil man. Knotwally
climbed the mountain of Jevahjika. stoke his
sword in the ground and said “There can only be
one” then he was given the power to rule them

90
all, the power of immortality. (Epic lighting strike)
Ze END

Chapter 46 Earl’s Revenge

An epic toast butter story starring Hubert

Cumbersangwich and Jeremyomy Fishbone. Then
the unimportant characters The Pinball Wizard,
Capt. Crunchy O’s, Jay Jay the Steamboat Wallis,
and Doober Man. The first of many adventures
begin for Jeremyomy and Hubert as you see,
“Pooty-Tang 8.”

FRIDAY!!! “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” the legend

of sandwich begins……”Hey man! Where are the
sandwiches?” asked Master Chong. The alarm
rings. “RINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG” “ah
sandwich.” Yelled Hubert. SLAM!! “Hey
Jeremyomy wake the fuck up.” Hubert said this of
course. “Hey man its lunch time lets go eat.” Says
the Jerammy man. “Whoa holy shit there’s no
SANDWICHES.” Yelled Hubber “Get in the car we
need to go to EARL OF SANDWICH.” Scream
Germs. “Let’s go now.” Exclaimed Hubey. They
jump into the car like a bunch of Duke Boyz.
“What’s the gas mileage on this thing?” asked
Hubert. The car yelled “ITS OVER 9000!!!” the car
went vroom to the sandwich man land. Nine days
later. “Dude where’s the place?” asked
Jeremyomy. “I don’t know dick weed.” Yelled
Hubert. “Whoa it’s some guy playing pinball, let’s
pick him up.” Said Jerry. The Pick up action. “Ever
since I was a young boy I played the silver ball.”
The Pinball Wizard told the boyz of the Earl. “Hey
you need a ride?” asked Hummus. “Yeah why not
I will go.” Said Pinball Wizard. Where’s you
going?” asked Jerty. “Oh I am going to the

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amusement hall.” Wiz told Jerrod. “What the fuck
is the amusement hall?” asked Hubert. Then the
Pinball Wizard was defeated by that deaf, dumb,
and blind kid. “Man we have been driving for days
lets get a hotel.” Complained Jeremyomy. “Ah
alright.” Said Hub. THE WORST EASTERN INN.
“Hey don’ts haves much moneys, man.” Said
Jerrjew. “That’s okay we will split the cost.” said
Hubchrist. “Okay let’s just get a
REEEEEOOOOOOOOOM.” Said Jeremy. “Welcome
to Jurassic Park, can I take your order?” said the
man of desk…….intro to Capt. Crunchy O’s.
“Whoa its Capt. Crunchy O’s in the flesh.” Yelled
Jer in surprise. “Yeah can I help you guys?” asked
Crunch. “Yeah we need a very cheap room.”
Hummer asked CrunchO. “Here’s the key bye.”
And like that Crunch was gone before our eyes.
They enter the room TINY SEXY MIDGIT ROOM.
“Oh my god its tiny hooker land.” Said Hubet in
disgust. “Oh well just sleep.” Said Jerew. “Hey
baby lets get it started.” Said a mysterious voice.
“Hey shut up dude I want to sleep.” Yelled
Jeremyomy. “I didn’t say anything.” Said Huberry.
“CLICK!!” said the light. “AHHHHHHH!! It’s a tiny
midget hooker.” Yelled Jerry. “Run for your life.”
Yelled Hubert. They get out fast. “Whoa crap man
I am glad we got out of there.” Said Jeremy. They
drive far. 5:30 PM, @ the docks of boats and such.
“IT’S OVER 9ooo” the car was breaking down.
“Dammit the car is out of petrol.” Said Hubert.
“Hey lets ask that boat man to give us a ride back
to town.” Said Jeremyomy. “Hey do you have any
grey poupon?” asked Hubert. “Wha?” asked the
boat man. “Can we get a ride back to town?”
asked Jeremyomy. “Ah ha come aboard.” yelled
the boat guy. “Okay!!” yelled the boyz of the
hood. “I can show you the world shining
shimmering splendid.” Sung Boatphile. “Hey man I
gotta piss.” Said Jerry. “Go down there into the

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blue door, but don’t go into the red door.” Said
Boat. “Oh okay.” said Jeremyomy. In the creeping
depths of the boat PISSING SOUNDS. (Don’t open
the red door.) “Oh man what is in the red door?”
Jeremy asked himself. OPEN!! SEXY PAJAMA
PARTY!!!!!! “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
yelled Jerrod SLAM!! “I am Jay Jay the Steamboat
Wallis and thank you for choosing Bum Rush
Cruise Lines.” Said Jay Jay Wallis as the men were
leaving the boat. “Thank you sir.” Said Hubert as
he paid the man 50 bucks for the ride. “Now
what?” asked Jeremyomy. “Ugh! Ether binge.”
They wait for days, months, years, decades,
centuries, and millenniums. Until the amazing
Doober Man saves the day. “Doober Man help us.”
Yelled Jeremyomy. “Ah ha you stoner bums.” Said
the Doob. “Help us god dammit.” Yelled Hubert.
“With what?” asked Doober. “Take us to earl of
sandwich.” Said Jerry. “Ah why not.” Said Doobie.
Then they fly off into the sunset. “Now tell me
princess when did you last let your heart decide?”
sung Doober man. “Here you guys go.” Said
Dooboo. They run to the door. OMG huge gasp.
The sign on the door CLOSED FOREVER!!!! Our
friends fall into a great depression an emo style
depression. One day later they die in the bed…
Ugh! END

Chapter 46 Suspense
In a world full of suspense. A new breakfast saga
was about to be born. It time to change the
meaning of suspense. this time its for real
Passions now on NBC.

One man, one conflict, one cup of Kool-aid. Keanu

Reeves is Han Solo in the most suspenseful movie

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of the year. Pokemonagellmansterstone 3.
Featuring Sean-Claude Van Damme in the same
crap you’ve seen over and over and over again.
Michael Keaton a man full of fear and retardation.
Harrison Ford as President Jack Ryan. Angelina
Jolie as Stanley Klondike. With special guests
Johnny Depp as Raoul Duke and Benicio Del Toro
as Dr. Gonzo. Time is running out and the
unknown is about to happen. Death and murder
and a lot of jolting moments begin. One man
takes action Michael Ironside is Sam Fisher….who
isn’t actually in the film. Hubert goes to a secret,
hidden, forbidden, tomb…..guy. Stanley falls in
love with Han Solo. No one is able to take action.
Featuring the voice of Frank Oz as Yoda. A film not
really by Ron Howard or Stanley Kubrick. One
man, one conflict, were right in the middle of a
fucking reptile zoo!! And someone is feeding
booze to these god damn things. And someone
tell me about those fucking golf shoes.
Pokemonagellmansterstone 3 this film is not yet
rated.

Chapter 47 “in the beginning”

It all began when someone left the window open.

The window man snuck into little Johnny
Poopoopantez room. The bird sang a song of
Bohemian Rhapsody on the doll hose of Majory
Stewart Baxter. The airplane crashed on dad’s
foot. Mom swallowed a Pegasus. A squirrel went
into a shoe. The flaming pie scared the dog. The
sandman destroyed the log. The fire blew out. The
wind froze the grandmother. The leprechaun stole
the grandfather’s teeth. The blue-footed booby
ate the dog’s Crunchy O’s. the elephant read the

94
paper in dad’s chair. The monkey smoked
grandpa’s cigar. A duck started a war with a swan.
The rocket man broke the sound barrier. The
beetle played the drums. The door slammed on
the cat’s sandwich. The waterfall flooded the pot.
A baby swam up the stream of justice. A little
horse jumped over the can. The basketball broke
the radio. The hat man ate the roast beef. The
army man declared the stove his land. The bear
smelt the pie. The house turned to it’s side. The
hose sneezed out a child. The clock winked. The
man ate the salad. Old Charlie stole the handle
and the train it won’t stop going. No it won’t slow
down. A best friend and a woman in bed having
fun. The angry man smashed the tele. The king
took his throne. The queen ate the beans. The
penguin waddled into the bathroom. The cat ate
the hummus. The dog stole the corn. A locomotive
breath stole the life of Winston the cleaning man.
Everyone died. The house burnt down. The child
screamed. The ghost stole the baby. The demon
ate my soul. The shoe was lost in space. The
house was destroyed. The child awoke from a
dream. “Oh my God the window is open.” The
window was shut, because it all began when
someone left the window open.

Chapter 48 Untitled

Chicken sandwich trumpet buckles of your cows

Jehovah in 1975. sick burgers dervish setter phat
van of beastly proportions. Willis frank on LOL
internet inspector gadget eats the dogs as old
man goes to pie. Pi=3.14 blah blah blah……..Toast
red beans of in Boston. J.W parking signs in Van

95
Nuys. The BK lounge ranch sauce on double
decker chicken burger sandwich. The bear eats
the little boy and the little boy eats the fly.
Devilish men are on the boat to the house of cows
old lemons diapers of new escrements. An album
cover of the bee Gees trumpet turtles on the
beach of your face. Sphincter boy is gonna to do a
sandy salad. I know a mouse and he doesn't have
a house. Oh I don’t know why I call him Gerald
he’s getting rather old but he is a good mouse.
The old mold clock ticks on Jimmy’s old milk
boxer. An old brown shoe lives in the closet of an
old dead man’s wife twice removed. I have a cat
and he hasn’t got a hat. I don’t know why his
name is Harold. He’s getting rather fat but he’s a
good cat. Yodel yoda yoga yo-yo sales of dervish
pies. Leeroy Jenkins’ house of bacon sideways
Willard crooked tiger sanging pools. Binary code
0101010010101010010101010010101. half of an
A. poor’s eats the old slice of childs dinner on a
Saturday brothel. M.J.’s shaving party. Orange
juice simpson bites the dust. Fatty Freddy
highlander swords old wise man destroys the evil
one. A vague haze of delirium creeps up on me. A
tall stranger I suddenly see. He’s wearing a suit
with glitters sparkling down and golden beard
flows nearly down to the ground. Lanes go to the
left to the right to the common chicken. Peter Pan
flies in room Jonny Poopoopants goes to the frat
party. Samuel L. Jackson smashed the box.
Chickens say Moo! The truth is out there in your
backyard. Wicked old witch of the middle east
feasts on brains of children. Calvin Klein smells of
ld mold eats our groold of surgery sally fanny.
Tables on side in an old white free club. Super
punishment eats the dogs ground slips away from
reality. Legends of the hidden temple. To figure in
out in a sale of boots of a sale fifty cents to please
the mind. Old and new games from the young

96
man selling at candy for mother’s chili. Ranting is
a way of life. Salzar sawyers old old old
frankenberry count the sheep of your sleep. Seen
an old man’s sultry brothel boy. Olden days on an
old sayers day.

Chapter 48 The Clock Winked

The clock winked the orange got moldy. The old

man walked down the hall. The sandwich was
eaten by the little boy who has no mother. The
record player played Revolution 9 backwards. It
sounded like this Einin Rebmun. The basement
made sounds of elephants. I walked down by
Hamstead Fair; I came upon Mother Goose so I
turned her loose she was screaming. The bird was
killed in a drive by. The eyes of the owl sees the
end of life. A foreign said to me was it really true
there were elephants and loins too at Pickadilly
Circus. The tomb was opened the smell of death
gave an old woman a heart attack. The clock
winked again. The monkey ate the banana. The
little girl saw an old man and his dog. Holden
Caulfield read a God dam book. No one won in the
game of life. The early morning fog I see. Visions
of the things to be. The knight was killed in a drive
by so was the bird. This is Sparta. My nachos had
jalapenos. The sock smelt of flowers and mountain
springs. A candy tree was in the dream of a
pedophile mormon. Polynomials confuse boys with
no pokemon. A woman ate the children of her ex
husband. The car broke down. A father’s sons
head was severed. A poor man named Aqualung
was sitting like a dead duck. Cross eyed Mary
doesn't get kicks from little boys. Now and then
never in between. The clock winked another time.
Feeling alone the army’s up the road salvation ala

97
mode and a cup of tea. Tu madre es una casa.
King Leonidus was killed in a drive by as well as
the knight and the bird. A fire burned down the
forest. The urinal was flooding the museum. A bad
smell I cannot explain. There is nothing in this
cup. A sad man left his house. She gave you tea
and asked for your autograph what a laugh. In a
time of many words that explain the meaning of
life. No one understood the little boy issue of life.
They threw him in a well. The finale was not epic.
In fact it sucked. Time again here tomorrow never
here again. Will not end until never ending lines.
The clock winked once more. The war was done
no one won. The band played Sargent Pepper. A
bug flew into my ear. In a world of furious
Fandango. Once in a life time man will have a
beer for his birthday. Montag burnt the house of
an old lady, how sad. An immense vocabulary. A
large use of obscene language. A whooping cough
of…..(never to be seen again) Icarus died in a
drive by as well as the bird, the knight, and king
Leonidus. The old man stood on the hill. The
unknown just happened. The unthinking man
killed his wife with a jelly bean. Within the life of a
mormon who married a Jehovah’s Witness. The
man married his sister. What’s next? The clock
stopped. It was the end of life for all the small
people named James Jesse Fairbanks. The old, the
new, the small, the big, the known, the unknown,
the man, the woman, the boy, the girl, the car, the
bus, the boat, the truck, the knight, and the king
all died in the plane crash. All of these of these
things will will not be appearing in this story
except the chicken. The end was near. The clock
exploded. The end

Chapter 49 the Baldwin Brother Surprise.

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Now lets talk about the infamous Baldwin’s how
about those mother fuckers? Alec the more
famous brother, but yeah he is a fucking douche. I
hate that mother fucker. No matter what people
say about him being funny on that show 30 Rock
you make me sick and that piece of shit makes
me sick. I bet he gets it in the ass by black dudes
all the time. Stephen now this shit head is a
freaking retard. The whole Christian thing was just
a ton of shit. What has he become? A fucking
druggie for fucking crying out loud. Really this
crap needs a fucking life. Then there’s the fat one
and the small one that I don’t think anyone really
fucking heard of. So now with out further to do I
present the Baldwin Brother Surprise. The four
Baldwin’s were having a picnic at the local park.
Then a storm rolled in and they were captured by
a crazy man with a comb over and the crazy man
took them to his parked van in the parking lot and
when they got into the van the crazy man
molested and ass raped the Baldwin’s with
throbbing uncircumcised penis. And afterwards
the crazy man gave them money to make sure
they didn’t tell anyone what they did. But they
told the media anyway but no one cared because
they are a bunch of fuck heads and later on that
very week they all killed each other.

Chapter 50 Proceed with Caution

Okay for this following multi part chapter I will

explain some of the web’s most vulgar viral
videos. So without further to do here we go.

Video 1: 2 Girls 1 Cup

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Everyone one remembers this one it was huge
back in the day everyone seen it even your mom
and everyone had to make fucking reaction videos
to it. So for those who don’t know what it is here is
the run down. 2 Girls 1 Cup features two really
ugly lesbians making out in the first few seconds
of the video then one of the girls takes a cup and
takes a huge shit into it. Oh by the way one of
them is white and the other one is like Indian or
some shit. So the Indian chick shits in the cup and
then the two chicks start licking and eating the
shit out of the cup. But wait it doesn't end there
after a few minutes of eating poop they start to
puke into each others mouths and all over each
other it is fucking sick and you will be damaged
for life. But here’s the thing this video is pretty
fake if you ask me. First off no one can eat their
own shit. You can get salmonella or some shit and
fucking die.

Video 2: Mr. Hands

Now this one sounds like the history teacher from

fast Times at Richmond High. But no it’s not what
you would expect. Mr. Hands features two guys
one on camera and the other guy filming this
horrible sad shit. So these two guys go to Mexico
or some shit and go to a farm where you can have
sex with animals and yes it gets worse. So the guy
on camera wants to fuck a horse. But no he wants
the horse to fuck him. So he gets a male stallion
and the horse gets a huge hard on and starts to
fuck the shit out of this guy right up his ass. It was
so horrid that apparently the guy died the next
day.

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Video 3: Shake That Bear

Okay this one is kind of funny so basically in this

one a guy and the girl are in the woods hunting a
bear. The bear is in a tree and the girl shoots the
bear and the bear falls down dead. And then the
big surprise happens. In the next scene the guy
starts fucking the chick right on top of the bear.
And while they are fucking the guy says. “Yeah
shake that bear.” And when they finish their dogs
eat the shit out of the dead bear.

Video 4: Church of Fudge

Doesn't this one sound like a good moral video of

a church of candy? Yeah right. This video makes 2
Girls 1 Cup sound like nothing. Okay so Church of
Fudge is a girl dressed like a nun and a dude
dressed like a priest and the guy takes a huge shit
into the girl’s mouth. And I mean it was a lot of
poop n her mouth. It was so big the chick said
that’s too much ah what a classic.

Video 5: 2 Kids in a Sandbox

This one may seem like something you would see

on Nick Jr. but god damn you are fucking wrong as
shit. Actually it’s quite painful to watch. In this one
a guy and a girl are in bed so there are no kids
and no sandbox and the chick is shoving a candle
or a vibrator in the dude’s cock hole. And for the
some reason the dude is enjoying it. What the
fuck is up with that guy?

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Video 6: BME Pain Olympics

Okay now this one is going to kill you if you are a

guy I watched this video and I wanted to cry it
was so fucking sad man. So in this one all it is is
just a bunch of dudes cutting off their own dicks
for fun and there’s some kind of metal music
playing in the video. Trust me if you value your
male life do not watch it.

Video 7: No Sex of 35 years

This one is really gross. Apparently this guy never

had sex and never ever masturbated for like 35
years and he had these huge swollen balls. Yeah
they were fucking big as fuck man fucking huge.
So this guy one day decides it his day to whack off
for the very first time. So he video tapes his
ultimate orgy and his dick is kind of small
compared to his massive balls he starts jacking off
and his dick sprays out cum like fucking old
faithful there was a shit load of semen coming out
of his dick. After he did the nasty with himself his
balls started to shrink down to normal size.

Video 8: Kylee Strutt gets fed cake and cock

Now this video is a fucking masterpiece an

internet gem of the ages. This one features the
hottest fire red headed 34 DD bimbo Kylee Strutt.
In this one it starts off with Kylee and some
random nerdy ass guy sitting on a bed together
and they are talking apparently its Kylee’s
birthday in this video. So the nerdy guy
apparently has a small dick so he decides to hire a

102
male escort to fuck his wife being Kylee Strutt. Oh
boy does it get good. So the dude comes in and
he is obviously a foreign dude. And he has a cake.
First thing you know the dude pulls out his dick
and Kylee is like loving that shit. The dude rubs
his wiener into the cake and Kylee starts licking
and sucking that shit of his cock. And yes the
nerdy guy is watching this shit. Then the foreign
guy wants to see her tits. And god damn does
Kylee Strutt have some really fucking nice tits.
They are fucking perfect. So the nerdy guy is fine
with it. And to make things go faster. They start
sucking a fucking on the bed. It was quite epic.
And of course at the end the dude pulls out and
does the little fire man all over her tits and into
her mouth. No if the nerdy guy was me and some
random dude was fucking my woman. Fuck man I
would beat the living shit out of that mother
fucker.

Chapter 51: more of Rush Limbaugh’s crap

Hopefully this will be the last time I write about

Rush Limbaugh Geddy is trying his best to rid him
for good but that mother fucker Limbaugh is like a
fucking magical man of what the fuck I don’t care.
So Limbaugh is saying some dumb shit on his
radio show and no one fucking cares because he
is a dumb ass. And later on after the show Geddy
Lee of Rush goes up to Limbaugh and fucking
blows his fucking brains out with a sawed off shot
gun. There was blood everywhere. No fucking joke
man it was crazy as shit. Well hopefully that will
take care of Limbaugh of awhile. But just to make
sure I will be sure that Geddy is on stand by n
case you know what happens.

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Chapter 52: supplies

The real life sex tape story of Jackie Chan and

Farah Fawcett live here in this dirty ass chapter of
a dirty fucking book. Will not be shown tonight for
that the creators may show you another sexually
racist chapter for your pleasure. One day there
was two men who wanted to have angry gay sex
with each other Eminem and Biggie Smalls so the
sex was gonna be between a small white nigga
wantabe and a big black nigga rapper. They were
at the house of Jay Z and R. Kelly and they were
gonna have a super hardcore four dude gang
bang. So Eminem started sucking Biggie’s cock
while R. Kelly was making with him and Jay Z was
getting R. Kelly a boner for the wild ride of a
bunch of gay rappers. So they started to butt fuck
each other with their wieners but they were never
scared of getting shit on their dicks they were just
into the butt fucking and dick sucking R. Kelly was
butt fucking Eminem while Eminem was fucking
Jay Z and Jay Z was fucking Biggie Smalls and
Biggie Smalls was fucking a Flesh Light shaped
like Tupac’s anus. And while they were doing it
Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope came walking in and
blew all of their fucking brains out and they all
died and ICP started to chop up their bodies to sell
them to an organ dealer in Mexico. So that was
the end of the Rapper Faggot butthole fest. ICP
went to Mexico to meet the organ dealer. And
when they got there the dude was totally having
sex with a rectum he got from Patrick Swayze’s
dead body. So Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope shot
him in the face and chopped up his body and sold
it to Juggalos all over the world

Chapter 53: You are almost there

104
So by now I bet you are wondering if this shit is
ever gonna stop. Hey don’t worry you still have
awhile to go until this shit is done and there will
be a prize at the end of the tunnel. But for now
you have to live through at least 10 more
chapters of smut. So here you go a recap on the
Royal Wedding Dirty British Porn Edition. Prince
William and Kate Middleton were getting married
in England yeah we all know about it. But here’s
the side you do not know the after the party they
had on their honey moon. This is super exclusive
so don’t leak it on the net that means you Julian
Assange you butt fucking faggot. They left the
wedding in their limo on the way to the airport
and while in the car I was hiding under the seat
writing down their every movement and word.
They were 2 miles away from the church and Kate
Middleton pulled down her dress to expose her
fucking tits and Prince William started to suck on
them titties then after Price William started to get
hard Kate started giving him a blow job after
awhile they got to the airport they get on the
plane and on the plane at 20,000 feet in the air
they started having oral sex in the bathroom.
William started The Pussy Licking with Kate on the
sink. She was screaming her fucking pussy blood
out. So there was blood and pussy juice all over
William’s face. They got to their Destination and
they got to the hotel where they got full on naked
and had wild British sex with crumpets and fish
and chips all up into Kate’s tight virgin vagina.
Prince William put his penis right into her tight
hole and fucked that shit for hours on end. The
night ended and I went back to work on writing
this chapter. Oh damn are the Brits gonna be
pissed when they read this. But here’s the thing
England I really like Princess Diana, but for only

105
one reason she’s fucking DEAD. Yep I said it I
really just hate her and I will mock her death all I
want. Some people write poems I erode the
human soul. And there’s more to this story as a
new leak has come to my attention. Kate and
William had a baby, but they decided to get an
abortion because in reality they hate children. Oh
and also a new update on Wiki leaks founder
Julian Assange he was raped in a dark alley by a
big Mexican chulo named Hector. So say what you
want about me England I can never be stopped.

Chapter 54: Crazy Silly Stuff Dudes Can Do With

Their Wieners

Lets start with the basics first there is the

wristwatch this is where a man pulls his penis
over his wrist and goes up to random chicks at the
bar and asks them to read the time because they
are so drunk. And now let’s go to the bullfrog
where a man grasps his hog and lets his balls
dangle down. Then there is the goat this is where
a man takes his balls and penis and tucks them
behind his gootch and bends over. Who could
forget about the batwing I don’t know how this
one works but I think it has something to do with
stretching your scrotum. The Eiffel Tower is when
a man can pull his penis skin forward to make his
penis look like a crappy French tower. Then there
is the one where you put your wiener in your
friend’s nose and take a picture. Oh and who can
forget about Shin she Shin she? That’s when you
put you dick into someone’s ear.
Chapter 55: Yes I am 55, but really damn Hott :P

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Do you know some people like to touch penises?
Yeah its true look at Michael Jackson he liked
touching 12 year old boys penises. And who can
forget about Nikki Benz or Carmella Bing they also
like touching penises well actually that’s their job
they touch penises and get fucked by them on a
daily basis. Oh here’s a fact if you live in the San
Fernando Valley like myself you will know that the
SFV is the home of the porn industry all the porn
you see on the internet on TV in porn shops is all
made here in the Valley. In good old southern
California. It is a great place to live. And I kid you
not I seriously saw Dylan Ryder hot fucking
pornstar I tell you what. Walking into the
Starbucks near my house. She has some nice tits
man, they are super awesome, but if there is any
pornstar I would want to meet its gotta be Kylee
Strutt. God damn man she can get me off any day
of the week. And if you ask my co-creator of the
book he would say Vanessa Blue would get him
off. But hey man sorry to say black chicks just
don’t get me off. The closest I can get to black is
Priya Rai she’s the fucking hottest Indian chick I
have ever seen and she has great fucking tits. But
yeah I masturbate so what? It’s not like you ever
stumbled on a porn site or watched those late
night soft core specials on Showtime or HBO and
got a boner. Yeah your whole family knows of it. I
told them myself. And that’s why your wife left
you because you were more interested in Lisa
Ann’s MILF tits than your own wife who happens
to be pretty hot if you ask me. Yeah I did your wife
she loved my big cock. And you know what? We
are getting married I guess this makes us buddies
for life. Oh don’t worry about it man, we can still
have fun, I will take you to the bar and we will go
to Adult Con and you can meet Eva Angelina and
Summer Cummings hell I would like to meet her
too have you seen her tits? They are fucking huge.

107
And the great part about is they are not saggy as
some of the big ones are. And she has a great
body. I know you would want to hit that shit. In
fact you might try to touch her tit, but most likely
they would kick you out of Adult Con and put you
in jail for trying to resist from getting kicked out,
but hey not to worry you are known as a great in
jail. But I am a legend because I showed kindness
to her and we had awesome sex in the bathroom.
Sorry about your wife man but last night she was
killed in a drive-by by her pimp yeah she was a
whore and never told you about it. But I am 55
and I am really damn sexy.

Chapter 56: Okay Howard Stern Can You Top This?

Here’s my message to shock jock Howard Stern.

Hey man do you think you can write a more
offensive book than me? I don’t think so bitch I am
the fucking king of writing smut and dirty shit.
Sorry man you are just not as good as me. So go
back to your microphone and boner up on some
nekkid chicks. Because you just cant offend
people like I have been doing for the past few
years while writing this book. So if you want to
make this a challenge and try to write a dirtier
book than this than you are on mother fucker. If
you win I will give the rights to my book to you,
but if I win I get to make you watch BME Pain
Olympics while I give you Viagra and while I sit
back and laugh my ass off because you’re getting
a boner from watching dudes mutilate their own
cocks. So what do you say Stern? Want to take the
challenge? Or do you give up because you are a
fucking pussy? I bet you never even had the
thought to be this offensive on the air but here in
the book world I am a God of Offensiveness. I

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really want to challenge you man. I’m just dying
to see what you would write about. Do it God
Damn it just fucking put your fingers to the
keyboard and start typing up some shit man. I am
not afraid of your pervert ass. Hey I have a
question. I am not really a fan of your show, but
have you ever had a dude with a vagina on your
show? If you did man that is just fucking sick. Oh I
did see one episode when you were still on the E
network and all I saw was an old lady sucking on a
banana and I have to say it made me puke man. Is
that all you do on your show? Just see naked
chicks and interview them and make them do
dirty shit for cash and prizes? Well that’s not a
good way to live man. What does your family
think about this? Oh and are you married? If so
does your wife care about this whole I’m gonna go
to work and stare at naked chicks and try not to
masturbate thing? Because of so maybe its time
to move on, because I am in town you piece of
shit. And I am taking over. Thank you and God
Bless J. Curtis creator of Students and the rhino.

Chapter 57: It all comes down to this

Okay so there is about a few more pages until we

get to the grand finale of this book. But don’t
worry it will be great I have been planning it since
I first started writing this book back in 2009 and
now it’s the year 2011 so its been a great few
years. I would like to add a softer note. To those
on the recent deaths list on Wikipedia I have
never heard about you, but I am sure you did
something great or something bad, but it doesn't
matter enjoy your time in the after life I hope you
have a great trip. Okay now I am not going to
spoil the ending but the end will be like 2012

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times 2012 which is like 4,048,144 and that is a
got dang awesome number combo if you ask me.
Also while you made it this far into the book I will
tell you there will be a great bonus chapter at the
end but don’t you fucking dare skip to the end to
read it it’s a got dang surprise and I want you to
be surprised. It would make me very sad if you
don’t get surprised. So as you noticed a few
chapters back it was a lot of filler that’s because I
was running out of ideas so I put in my old
Creative Writing stories form High School into the
book. Yeah it might sound lame but what the hell
a lot of great writers put a little bit of filler into
their own books and this might being the only
book I write and just the thought that no one
would even get this far into reading a dirty book
like this doesn't matter to me. I just love to write
and be as offensive as possible. It’s not a living
that I do this shit, but here’s the thing I have been
doing this shit since I have first learned about the
vagina and the tit. And since than My Co-Creator
and I have been making dirty jokes for a long time
now. Oh yeah we even make gay jokes retard
jokes Jew jokes black jokes Mexican jokes and all
that other kind of shit. People hate us for it but we
love our right of the freedom of speech and if
anyone begs to differ and try to stop us in our
creative minds go fuck yourself you piece of shit.
We are who we are and we will never change. No
matter how much you try to get us in a shit hole
we will stand up for our first amendment rights
and we will stand proud with our boners sticking
out at traffic. We will stand united as a team of
fucked up adults with fucked up minds. No one
will ever stand up to fight the great minds of J.
Curtis and D. Chaffin and no man will ever be able
to shut us down for we are like a strong posse of
Highlanders who will stop at nothing to get a war
against you and your got dang pussy shit mother

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fucking scat job hairy balls bastard fish fuck anus
blue balled mother’s shit nigger semen crusted
pants piece of tampon shit beaner juice fuck dick
hole ass hole blue waffle pussy ass homo that you
are then I hope you have a great life trying to stop
us we will stand united and fight to the end. Thank
you and God Bless America.

Chapter 58: I hope we don’t die for this

As some must know if you want to see our dirty

mined shit on the internet we are proud to say we
have been working on a great web comic on
drunkduck.com if you never heard of it go to the
site at drunkduck.com and search for Students
and the Rhino we have only 12 pages but we are
prone to make a lot more and while you are their
make sure to check out Radio Active Rainbows
and Slam Dance our individual comics. We have
made it so far as a team and we are proud of what
we have done. I hope they don’t try to kill us for
this shit. It has been a lot of fun. So here’s a sneak
peek at the next chapter imagine what it would be
like if we smashed and exploited the cast of Jersey
Shore, Donald Trump, Regis Philbin, and Bob
Saget? Well that is what we will do and we hope
you will love it as I know we will. I know it’s been
hard for you not throwing up and shit but here’s
the thing minus 2 points for softly caressing your
dick under your shorts while reading this. I am
going to close this chapter with a short tale about
Kim Jong Il. A crazy North Korean dick head with
the urge of sucking Lady Liberties tits for some
kindness from the great nation that we live in.
here we go once upon a time in communist North
Korea the leader of the army Kim Jong Il had a
plan to try to destroy America with new WMDs

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that the North Korean army has been building and
keeping secret for years. But us Americans know
about their shit and all we have to say is North
Korea you guys are a bunch of got dang pussies.
In his palace Kim Jong Il was checking out his
favorite website Boyz with cum covered ass holes
dot com. He watches all the gay dudes on the site
butt fucking each other. And while he watches he
eats a shit load of Cheetos while he drinks a lot of
milk at the same time. So after he’s done jacking
off he walks around his palace in his shit and
semen stained one piece plus he wears his
women’s sunglasses and tries to get goosy with
his main palace guard. But he can never have sex
with his main guard he’s just not that into him.
He’s more interested in Lance Bass. And so as
time went on in North Korea Kim Jong Il was sad
and lonely because no one liked him and all he
wanted was to get ass fucked by DJ Paulie D of the
Jersey Shore. Yeah he DVR’s that shit every night.
The day that North Korea made threats to
America and after a few years that they said that
shit we didn’t care those gooks are a ton of shit
filled pussies. Americans are dicks, North Koreans
are pussies and all of the Middle East are
assholes. Dicks fuck pussies and dicks also fuck
assholes but in the end when dicks are done
fucking pussies and assholes they all get shit on
their dicks and into the pussies. Yes North Korea
you are a bunch of god damn pussies and the Mid
East you are a bunch of assholes and you guys
are getting fucked by dicks that is us the great
free nation of god damn America. So in the end as
Kim Jong Il was jacking it to gay porn the Mid East
was hiding the gayest asshole wimp Osama Bin
Laden who has been hiding in a fucking cave for
the past 11 years you are a fucking asshole pussy
piece of Arab shit. You god damn Sand Niggers we
are America. And we are god damn proud of it. We

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are free and we fight for our freedom. If you don’t
like it go buy a dildo and fuck yourself with it
because you can never stop us from living our
great American lives. This has been a message
proudly presented by the great US Army who will
never fall down in war to fight for this great
nation. This is America mother fuckers if you
would like a taste of freedom go blow yourselves
up in a giant cave filled with exploding dildos and
get you 72 virgins, but hey jokes on you faggots
its gonna be a bunch of nerdy teenage boys
playing world of warcraft. Hope you like being a
night elf. But yeah you know its true slutty chicks
would be much better to fuck than a bunch of got
dang virgins who don’t know what the fuck they
are doing. If I haven’t pissed you off enough. I bet
Osama is dead what did he eat? His own shit?
That’s so sad if he did. Well anyway have a nice
time with those nerdy teens. I hope your terrorist
life was a truly good one. America Fuck yeah!!!!

Chapter 59: December 23, 2011

The ten part chapter that will blow your fucking

mind.
Its gonna be quite the ride.

2011 pt. 1 of 10

And the meek shall inherit the earth…..

The year is 2011 the great year of our lord the
god of Abraham and Isaac. And this is the near of
the end of the earth. This is the revenge of God
and the God of heaven will build a new world
where all the great men and women will live and

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start a new world and make a new world order
and live their lives pleasing the lord. It is now
January 1st 2011 little does the world know that
the lord is planning on destroying the earth but
only those that God has loved will be spared and
given another life in the new earth. Somewhere in
Alabama at a local McDonald’s god went there in
a secret disguise to get a burger with no pickles
but they messed up his order and God was pissed
and destroyed all the McDonald’s on earth and
even killed any man wearing a fucking Ronald
McDonald costume. God never want anyone to
fuck up his order when he says no pickles he
means the shit out of it.

2011 pt. 2 of 10

The Clock is still ticking……

After the great fall of McDonald’s God has been
making his list of save and kill. It was now march
2011 and the Irish were celebrating the life of
Saint Patrick and the lord loved Saint Patty he was
a man of God and God went to an Irish pub and
had a few good beers with his new friends at the
bar. Then all hell broke lose when Andy Dick came
in a turned off Flogging Molly the best fucking
drinking music in the fucking world and turned on
fucking Kenny G. like a faggy homo that he is. The
Irish got pissed and one guy who happened to be
part of the IRA went up to him with a hunting knife
cut his god damn head off and then they turned
Flogging Molly back on and continued to drink and
have a great fucking time. And the lord was
greatly pleased and put the Irish on his list of
keepers.

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2011 pt. 3 of 10

We are the Priests of the Temples of Sryinx….

June 20th 2011, Los Angeles CA. the lord went to

the great concert of the Rush Time Machine Tour.
The lord is a big Geddy Lee fan and didn’t want to
miss this great chance to see them live in concert.
The lord was in the front row watching Geddy play
bass and Neil smack those drums like no
tomorrow and who can’t say that Alex Lifeson’s
solos are just the fucking best? In that very
audience was J. Curtis and his homies A. Santin
and B. Santin. So the lord has made another
decision he will spare Rush and all Rush fans but
he will destroy Slipknot and all Slipknot fans
because God hates them and they need to die. So
after the show God talked to the good old boys
and gave them the chance to see the band
backstage. They were so shocked when they all
were in the presence of Geddy, Alex, and Neil. No
day would ever be better than that day. The time
was getting near.

2011 pt. 4 of 10

The Dream of the Band: By J. Ryan

Once upon a time, there was a band that was in a

RUSH to go on a JOURNEY to KANSAS, but there
was nothing there but farms and tornados. So
they decided to go to BOSTON instead, but it was
too far away so they went to CHICAGO instead.
While they were there they went to a Chinese
restaurant and used chop STYX and met a

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FOREIGNER named BOB DYLAN. So they decided
to leave but on the way out they accidently
stepped on a BEATLE sadly his name was John.
Later on they went to a bar to grab some drinks
and while upon leaving they noticed they were so
drunk when they were walking back to the hotel
they were caught by THE POLICE. After staying in
CHICAGO for a while they decided to take a
JEFFERSON AIRPLANE to ASIA. While n the plane
the stewardess asked them if they would like a
drink they said YES. When they arrived in ASIA,
they decided to take a tour of the wonderful
countryside. They took a tour in the Tibetan
mountains and they tripped over a bunch of
ROLLING STONES. Afterwards they went on a ride
in a LED ZEPPELIN, but the LED ZEPPELIN crashed
and then they found themselves in a DREAM
THEATER with a church of the BLACK SABBATH.
While they were in ASIA a war was brewing in
Vietnam, so they flew to Vietnam and found a lot
of MEGADETH all around them, when the war was
over there was CANNIBAL CORPSE everywhere.
They decided to fly back home to go to a funeral
for a good friend. At the funeral there was a lot of
GUNS AND ROSES, it was the funeral for Axel
Rose’s career. Then it got very hot so they went
back to the hotel to turn on their AC/DC powered
air conditioner. So later that week they left
CHICAGO and went to Mt. Rushmore to see the
EAGLES flying in the sky. They went to a Mexican
restaurant and they saw a bunch of MEN AT
WORK. But then drugs got to the best of them and
they went into rehab and they read GENISIS. So
after that they went to another funeral for Molly
Ringwald’s GRATEFULly DEAD career. But all of
the sudden JOHN DENVER crashed in his plane
and you know for a fact it was suicide. After going
to the funeral they decided to fly to England to
meet the QUEEN. After meeting the QUEEN they

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had the HEART to go to Piccadilly Circus to see a
WHITE SNAKE and a DEF LEPPARD with a
SUPERTRAMP. Then they went back to the states
and watched Power Rangers with the new NIGHT
RANGER. Then in the hotel the room got infested
with a RATT. So they were so mad about the RATT
they went over to Germany to see the wonderful
IRON MAIDEN on display in the WW2 Museum.
Then while they were in Germany they rented a
FLEETWOOD MAC, RV to take a tour around
Europe. Then it caught them by eye they ditched
the RV and stole a REO SPEEDWAGON. They had
breakfast the next day and they put PEARL JAM on
their toast. After eating food, the band decided to
go to a bizarre cult ritual with weird people. And
these people would call themselves the BLUE
OYSTER CULT. Soon after witnessing these cult
people, the band walks home and each of them
gets scratched by a cat. They soon find out that
the cat that scratched all of them gave them cat
scratch fever. So TED NUGENT kicked the cat in
the face and yelled out A-HA. But while this was
happening, one of the band members, had to be
rushed to the hospital and while going thru the
hospital he was laid on a gurney that was crashing
thru THE DOORS to get a hospital room. This was
because the cat gave him a swollen DEEP PURPLE
gash on his leg. After two weeks in recovery, the
rest of the band decided to go back to Germany,
to help the German Luftwaffe build FOO
FIGHTERS. Then they met two Prostitutes, one
British and one German. And there names were
THIN LIZZY and NENA. And these two prostitutes
were part of a Prostitution ring that would
inevitably be named and led none other than by
TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS. After the
band meets these two prostitutes, they decided to
invite them and TOM PETTY AND THE
HEARTBREAKERS to go out with them to a Thai

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Restaurant. The whole band loves spicy food so
without hesitation, they each order some spicy
curry with some RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS.
Afterwards they meet a deaf person and they
invited them to a concert to see a great band. THE
BAND, but the deaf person who didn’t hear what
they said just responded THE WHO? And so they
went to the concert and out of nowhere a black
cloud came out of nowhere and the gates of
HEAVEN AND HELL opened up and started a great
battle between angels and demons. The end of
days was finally beginning. So they jumped into a
JEFFERSON STARSHIP and fled the planet. Finally
when the got to another planet they noticed they
were on Pluto because it was too damn small. So
they went back home where they saw that the
world was back to normal. But everyone was
gone. So they walked around looking for a MISFIT
who was not allowed into heaven. There was no
one there except for a girl who was ALICE IN
CHAINS. Who was eating nothing but a FISHBONE
and was so hungry. So the group let her off the
chains and took her to get food. She was so happy
for that and praised the saviors that took her off
the dreadful chains. Out of the heavens came an
IRON BUTTERFLY who without doubt knew what
needed to be done. So it sucked up Alice and
brought her up to the heavens. The demons would
no longer be able to capture her again. So the
band was all alone on earth in the land of
AMERICA. So that sat down on a RAMMSTEIN
(Ramming Stone) and just did nothing for the rest
of the day. With a small SUBLIME they caught
themselves in a dream and they woke up. The
stage hand came in and told them 5 minutes to
curtain and they grabbed their gear and played an
awesome show.

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2011 pt. 5 of 10

This is our Destiny…..

The lord has made the list of kills and all of the
douches of Hollywood are going to die in the
burning pits of fiery Hell. And here is the list…..

Andy Dick
Rush Limbaugh
Katie Couric
Matt Lauer
Al Roker
Rosie O’Donnell
Patrick Swayze
Richard Simmonds
The cast of Jersey Shore
The Kardashian’s
Fred Phelps
N’Sync and the Backstreet Boys
Christopher Reeves
Bruce Willis
Eminem
Ronald McDonald
Barak Obama
George Lopez
Penelope Cruz
Tom Cruise
Nicole Kidman

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John Travolta
Samuel L. Jackson
Dennis Rodman
Gene Hackman
Howard Stern
Charles Manson
Marilyn Manson
Dennis Leary
Farrah Fawcett
Michael Jackson
The Pope
Jeffery Daumer
Ed Gein
Hannibal Lector
Ted Bundy
Sharron Tate
The Royal Family
Tony Blair
Chelsea Lately
Verne Troyer
Shaquille O’Neil
Kobe Bryant
Lamar Odem
Julian Assange
50 Cent
Biggie Smalls
Jay Z
R. Kelly

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LL Cool J
The Jews
The Jehovah’s Witnesses
The Catholics
The Muslims
The Neo-Nazi groups of America
And of course anyone who hates Rush and Geddy
Lee

2011 pt. 6 of 10

The Last Stand…….

Geddy Lee was sent on a mission by God to end

the evil reign of Rush Limbaugh. Conservative
radio’s biggest asshole. So once more Geddy got
into his jet and went over to Fox News and
released hell on all those mother fuckers that was
just part of the mission God hates Fox News so
Glenn Beck died there was blood everywhere.
After Geddy blew up Fox News Studios. He went to
the KFI Studios and went into Limbaugh’s booth
and pulled out a huge hunting knife to kill
Limbaugh, but Limbaugh had a razor sharp Dildo.
And will stop at nothing to kill Geddy Lee. So they
fought to the death. Then all of the sudden Geddy
called long time friend Tron and they fought
Limbaugh together and they finally and for the
last time defeated him and his dirty soul was
descended into the pits of Hell where he was butt
fucked by Hitler. This was the end of Rush
Limbaugh, but the beginning of Rush and Rush
Fans all over the earth.

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2011 pt. 7 of 10

The Last two Months on Earth…….

Earthquakes all over the world, War and talks of

War, every man to Himself. Can it really be the
end. It is two months from December 23rd 2011.
the day the lord destroys the earth. What is
mankind to do? Repent from their dirty sins? Try
to make their lives more meaningful? What are we
to do? This is a dark time the world economy has
failed and riots hit the streets all over the planet.
But the ones who God has blessed are not afraid
for they have been told by the lord that their will
be a new earth and The Messiah will return, but
those the lord hates will die on the old earth and
perish in Hell. What will be of those left on earth?
It has brought sadness to all. It has brought
suicide and homicide to everyone who feels that
the lord has failed them, but they have failed the
lord. And the lord has made it his decision to only
pick out those who will have another life on the
new earth. Which will be a digital frontier. The
Grid will be the new world. The future of the lives
of the ones God loves.

2011 pt 8 of 10

This is it……

12:00 am December 23rd 2011

The world has just been destroyed and the ones in

God’s honor roll has been put on the new earth.

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With new world prophets Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson,
Neil Peart, J. Curtis AKA Dank Pirate Fananza, D.
Chaffin AKA Young Nasty Man, A. Santin, B.
Santin, and J. Ryan. They stood up as brothers of
the new world and made it a better place for all.

2011 pt. 9 of 10

He’s a New World Man……

The Irish, Rush, The creators, all Rush fans, and

those of the brotherhood of the new world created
a new world called The Grid where everything was
fucking super awesome and futuristic. Where
everyone rides motorcycles and has a great time.
There was a new world order. And the lord was
pleased by the men who created something so
great they were all New World Men.

2011 pt. 10 of 10

In Closing

Thank you so much for reading this whole fucking

book it has been a great pleasure to offend all you
people I just love all of you its true you are all
great and I just want to have sex with all of you
god damn mother fuckers. You make me so
fucking proud. I just need a fucking moment to cry
for joy. Steve Vai is fucking awesome just thought
I put that in there. Here is a few people I would
like to thank, My Homies, My Family, God, Jesus
Christ, Ireland, Guinness, Smithwick’s, Mickey’s,
King Cobra, Jug Jug Sports Bar, Eddie Van Halen,

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Steve Vai, Rush, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart,
Daniel Tosh, Nick Swardson, Dane Cook, and all of
the Rush fans out there you are all the best.

BONUS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!

The Awards show For Students and the rhino pt. 1

Best Book ever written and the nominees are….

The Color Purple

The Biography of Howard Stern
The Sinister Plans of the Students and the Rhino
And Mein Kampf

And the winner is The Sinister Plans of the

students and the rhino…..

Thank you, you god damn mother fuckers….

Best death in a book

Bruce Willis killed by bees

Dennis Rodman being killed by a jet
Glenn Beck breaking his penis
Tom Cruise being killed by a train filled with blow
up dolls

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And Verne Troyer dying of an STD

And the Winner is…oh wow it’s a tie they all win

Best Pornstar mentioned in this book

Lets just say all of them mentioned in this book

And here is the list of the best morel enemies

Glenn Beck
Rush Limbaugh
Princess Diana
The Jersey Shore Cast
Tom Cruise
And anyone who hates Rush

Pt. 2 In Memory of…..

Let us have a word of silence of those we lost

along the way…..ah fuck it lets pull out our guns
and drink some fucking beers and celebrate that
fucking shit WE DID IT!!!!!!!!

The End

You have reached the end of the book you are one
in a million. I would just like to apologize to those
who might have been overly offended by this
book….hey I did warn you. But for those who
stopped reading missed all this great stuff. Can

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you imagine if the guys from South Park read this
crap and wanted to make a movie out of it? Holy
fuck that would be awesome. But this is my
closing thought. God Bless The USA. And God
Bless porn and God Bless Rush and all the great
classic Rock bands from the 1960s to the 1990s. it
has been a great year for all of us.

And The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth………The

End

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