The Top 10 Tips for Using

Hypnotic Language

By Jamie Smart

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 Contents
Tip 1 - How To Get Your Message Heard..................................... 3
Tip 2 - How to Really Speak Their Language................................ 6
Tip 3 - Learn To Use Your Most Powerful Tool.............................. 9
Tip 4 - Getting Rapport on The Phone....................................... 11
Tip 5 - How To Build Vocal Flexibility ....................................... 13
Tip 6 - You Can Quote Me on This............................................ 15
Tip 8 - The Positive Thing About Negative Talk........................... 20
Tip 9 - The Ultimate Covert Communication Technique................ 22
Tip 10 - Embedded Commands for Covert Influence.................... 24
More Information................................................................... 27
Free Stuff............................................................................. 30
About the Author................................................................... 31
Acknowledgements................................................................ 31

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Tip 1 - How To Get Your Message Heard

We live in a busy world, and there are thousands of messages vying for people’s
mental bandwidth each day. There is more and more competition for each
person’s attention, so you may be wondering how you can increase the odds that
the messages you send will reach their targets.

In last week’s tip, we looked at ways to use the natural phenomenon of rapport
to meet people at their model of the world through our behaviour. This week we
will discuss the meta-pattern of pacing and leading to explore how you can meet
people at their map of the world with language, before leading them somewhere
else.

Meet them at their map of the world

St Francis of Assisi spoke of seeking to understand before seeking to be

understood. A technique used in ancient Greece to settle disputes had those
involved state the opposition’s case to the satisfaction of the opposition before
they stated their own case. Whenever you set out to influence someone, there is
great value in meeting them at their ‘map of the world’ before you start the
process of leading them somewhere new.

In NLP, this process is referred to as ‘pacing and leading’; making statements (for
instance) about the current ‘reality’ for an individual or group before directing
their attention somewhere else. For example…

Every Friday at 7am, I go to a business networking group (BNI) where I get the
opportunity to do a 60 second ‘commercial’ for services that I offer. I will often
start my commercial with something like the following:

"We’re here at BNI, it’s Friday morning, and it’s early, and you may be wondering
what I’m going to tell you about today… because we’ve all come here for a
reason, and the reason is to build our businesses, so I know you’re going to be
interested in helping me build mine etc… "

On the face of it, this is a fairly ordinary intro, with nothing particularly notable
about this, but as you look more closely at the way the statements are
structured, you may begin to notice that there is a mixture of things that are
‘true’ and things that are more ‘speculative’.

‘True’ – Pacing Statements

We’re here
it’s Friday morning
it’s early
we’ve all come here for a reason
the reason is to build our businesses

‘Speculative’ – Leading Statements

you may be wondering what I’m going to tell you about today
I know you’re going to be interested in helping me build mine

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1) Practice making verifiably true statements about where you are right now (for
instance, "I am sitting in my office, the sun is shining, it’s 2003, it’s Tuesday etc.)
Continue until you have made at least 10 statements.

We like a sense of the familiar, and as you sit here, making these statements
aloud, you may start to feel pleasantly relaxed. If it’s difficult to make the
statements aloud initially, write them down.

2) In a low-risk situation (eg. with a friend), practice making some pacing

comments to another person, and notice what effect they have (people will often
nod or say mmm-hmmm in response.)

Creatures of habit

What you are doing as you make the pacing statements is setting up a response
pattern of ‘that’s true’ in the other person’s mind. Human beings are creatures of
habit - we like what’s familiar. The human brain seeks pattern and, having
established a pattern, likes it to continue. When the brain has said ‘that’s true’
three times, it’s likely to say it the fourth time.

When pacing and leading is done elegantly, it is possible to move from saying
mostly things which are ‘verifiably true’ to saying mostly things which are ‘made
up’ without the listener(s) noticing the transition. The overall shape / structure is
as follows:

Pace – pace – pace - lead

Pace – pace – lead – lead

Pace – lead – lead – lead

Lead – lead – lead – lead… (+an occasional pace for good measure)

3) Set yourself a goal for communication in a low-risk situation (eg. to persuade

the other person to go for a coffee.) Use pacing and leading to seamlessly lead
them to that goal.

Pacing and leading often sounds ‘clunky’ at first, but as you practice it more and
more, you’ll begin to find yourself doing it spontaneously, without even planning
it consciously.

4) Begin to identify all the areas in your life where you can start using pacing &
leading to persuade others more effectively, then use it!

This approach may seem basic, but I’ve used in hundreds of situations, including
getting the attention and interest of a hostile audience, winning the trust of a
skeptical client, and comforting a hurt child (and stopping them crying in under a
minute.) As usual, this is a powerful technique – ensure you use it to help
yourself and others. When you are acting in someone else’s best interests, it
comes across.

More advanced

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You can use this technique to turn around situations that seem to oppose you
directly. I was once coaching someone in a large organisation who had been told
to see me by his boss. He started out by saying "I’m normally skeptical of this
sort of thing, but you come highly recommended." My gut feeling was that he was
still highly skeptical, despite his protestation. I said "Well you should be skeptical
about me." He looked puzzled and asked why. I said "Because until you’ve seen
for yourself just how quickly I can help you get great results, you’ve got no
reason to be anything other than skeptical." He relaxed immediately and we
began.

I met him at his map of the world, and threw in a double bind for good measure
(in order for him to be skeptical of me, he would have to be skeptical about what
I was telling him ("be skeptical"), so on some level he had to consider being
skeptical of his own skepticism. I know this is a bit confusing – that’s part of why
it works!) You can learn more about how to use double binds on NLP Mastery, my
master practitioner programme.

Summary

Pacing and leading is a powerful way to influence others…

1) Practice making verifiably true statements about where you are right now (Eg.
I am sitting in my office, the sun is shining, it’s 2003, it’s Tuesday etc)

2) In a low-risk situation (eg. with a friend), practice making some pacing

comments to another person, and notice what effect they have (people will often
nod or say mmm-hmmm in response.)

3) Set yourself a goal for communication in a low-risk situation (eg. to persuade

the other person to go for a coffee.) Use pacing and leading to seamlessly lead
them to that goal.

4) Begin to identify all the areas in your life where you can start using pacing &
leading to persuade others more effectively.

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Tip 2 - How to Really Speak Their Language

Every person has their own style of speaking, their own unique way of choosing
the words and phrases that make up their verbal communications. When you can
‘speak their language’, it allows you to connect with them at a deeper level. While
there are many factors which influence the words people use, one of the most
significant relates to which of their five senses (sight, hearing, feeling, taste &
smell) they are most aware of at any given time. One of the most simple, yet
powerful discoveries in the domain of NLP is the realisation that the way that a
person is thinking is revealed in the language they use.

Come to your senses

People think using internal representations of their five senses. In NLP, these five
‘internal senses’ are referred to as representational (rep-) systems. If a person is
primarily thinking in pictures (visual), this will be reflected in their language. They
will use words like picture, imagine, focus, perspective etc, and may employ
phrases such as "picture this", "look at it from my point of view" or "let’s get this
in proportion." A person thinking mainly in sounds (auditory) may say things like
sound, hear, ring, buzz, etc and may use phrases like "sounds good to me", "I
hear you" or "that rings true". Other words and phrases point to feelings (the NLP
term for this is kinaesthetics) such as feel, handle, or smooth; smells (olfactory)
such as rotten, sour, or stale; tastes (gustatory) such as bland, sweet or spicy.

To review, the five rep-systems are visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, gustatory and
olfactory (VAKOG.) Of these, V, A and K are the ones most often used. Examples
of each include the following:

Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic Olfactory Gustatory

• Look, see • Hear • Feel • Smell • Taste
• Imagine • Sound • Grasp • Sweet • Bitter
• Visualise • Listen • Hold • Rotten • Sweet
• Focus • Ring • Push • Fishy • Sharp
• Brilliant • Buzz • Drive • Fragrance • Salty
• Bright • Recall • Tough • Funky • Bland

• Review • Harmonious • Grab • Scent • Tasty

1) Write a few paragraphs about a recent pleasant experience (Eg. a holiday,

party, film, day out etc.) When you’ve finished, go through it underlining words
and phrases that have a sensory element (you can do the same with this NLP
tip.)

While no-one uses only one sensory system in all their language, we often have a
preference in a given context, and many people have a preference for one main
system across many contexts.

A deeper connection

When you speak to someone using language from the same rep-system as them,
it gives them a greater sense of being understood. When you speak in language

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from a different rep-system to them, it is as though, in a subtle way, you are
speaking a different language. Once you can identify the language that someone
is using (VAKOG), you can respond using the same sort of words. This is one way
of building rapport.

When you come across someone who you have difficulty connecting with, it may
be that you are speaking from different rep-systems:

A: We need to talk about this some more.

B: Why? It all looks fine to me.

A: Something about it doesn’t ring true.

B: It’s as plain as the nose on your face – why can’t you see that!?!

A: You’re not listening to me! We’re just not singing from the same hymn sheet…

2) Pay attention to the sensory words that people are using. Make notes of the
sensory words you hear.

There are many opportunities to track people’s sensory words, including watching
TV, listening to the radio, chatting in restaurants or bars. My main training
ground for this particular skill was sitting in previously dull meetings! It allowed
me space to make notes next to people’s names and track their sensory words. I
highly recommend this (and many other elements of NLP) as a way to transform
formerly skull-numbing experiences into your own, personal neurological
laboratory for finding out more about your fellow human beings. The great thing
is that, as well as building your own skills and awareness, it also means that,
when you do have something to say, it connects more powerfully with the person
who you’re speaking to.

As you start to listen more carefully, you will begin to notice people using
sensory-based words in almost every conversation. As you become more
comfortable hearing these words and phrases stand out, you will start to see
opportunities to match the sensory systems used by others, for example:

A: We need to have a closer look at this.

B: What do you want to zoom in on first?

OR

A: I want to get a handle on how we can push this forward.

B: It’ll be good to get it running smoothly etc…

3) In a low-risk situation, listen to the words that others use then match their
sensory system by using words from the same system (VAKOG).

The process can be more important that the content

As you become more familiar with this process, some of the things people say will
begin to leap out at you as opportunities to match their language preferences.

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You’ll notice yourself getting more clarity on the way people shift from one
system to another, and start to get into harmony with other people more and
more quickly.

The rep-systems and sensory words that someone is favouring from moment to
moment are part of the process of their communication, while the subject they
are talking about provides the content. People tend to be very focused on the
content, and largely unaware of process… BUT… acting at the process level can
have a powerful unconscious effect, such as establishing a deep sense of rapport
– often a much more powerful effect than acting at the level of content can.

More advanced

A quick yet powerful way to enrich someone’s experience is to pace them by

matching their sensory words, then lead them to another rep-system. This can be
particularly powerful if someone is in a ‘stuck’ state. By first observing which rep-
system they are most focused on, and looking for ways to mirror that system,
you can then begin to talk about things which allow them to listen in a new way
by gently tuning them in to a new system. The effect of this can be profound – in
some cases a person will even drop spontaneously into a trance, merely by
getting in touch with a system that was previously out of awareness.

Summary

People use language based in their 5 senses. By matching their sensory words,
you can establish a deep level of trust and rapport…

1) Write a few paragraphs about a recent pleasant experience (Eg. a holiday,

party, film, day out etc.) When you’ve finished, go through it underlining words
and phrases that have a sensory element (you can do the same with this NLP
tip.)

2) Pay attention to the sensory words that people are using. Make notes of the
sensory words you hear.

3) In a low-risk situation, listen to the words that others use then match their
sensory system by using words from the same system (VAKOG).

As usual, use this stuff responsibly – it’s powerful and so are you so be nice 

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Tip 3 - Learn To Use Your Most Powerful Tool

I was having a chat with someone recently who had an incredibly deep &
resonant voice. The things he was saying to me were all the more persuasive
because his voice felt good to listen to. Now, I was coaching him, so it didn’t
actually suit me to be persuaded by what he was saying at that moment. As
soon as I realised what was happening (about 30 seconds in… I think!) I snapped
out of it and started listening to him in a different way. But I was struck once
again by just how powerful your voice is as a tool for persuasion.

Your most powerful tool

Your voice is probably your most powerful tool as a persuader. Your ability to
speak with flexibility and control can have dramatic results. You can practice
learning to control & vary your…

• Tone
• Pitch
• Rate
• Rhythm
• Volume
• Timbre
• and many other voice ‘analogues’

1. Choose a vocal quality (eg. rate of speech) and vary it. Go to the
extremes (eg. see how fast you can talk, how slow you can talk etc.) Do
this for each of the vocal qualities in the list above.

As you start to listen more closely to other people, you will begin to
recognise the differences in the ways they speak. Matching their voice
characteristics can be powerful for building rapport, and is usually outside
a person’s conscious awareness.

2. Once you have established that you can vary a particular vocal
characteristic, practice using it the next time you are on the phone with someone
to get rapport.

Command tone down

The pitch & tone of voice you use toward the end of a sentence determines at a
deep unconscious level what ‘kind’ of sentence it is:

• Rising pitch  gets processed as a question.

• Level pitch  gets processed as a statement.
• Descending pitch  gets processed as a command.

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Which do you think is most useful to use when making suggestions to the
people you wish to influence?

3. Practice saying a sentence (Eg. “Have you got any questions?”) with a
rising pitch, then a level pitch, then a descending pitch.

The descending pitch opens up the ‘command module’ in someone’s brain.

People are more likely to do what you want them to do if the request is made
with a descending pitch, because their brain will process it as a command.

4. Identify the things that you want others to do in persuasion situations,

then check what pitch you’re using. Practice making those requests using
‘command tone’ then notice what a difference it makes.

I was running a one-day session on NLP for a branding agency last year, and I
told them about command tone. One of the participants was from Australia, and
asked what effect the characteristic antipodean ‘question tone’ would have. I
replied “It won’t have any effect at all?” with a rising voice tone, and she got the
point. If you want people to follow your instructions, command tone down will
make it more likely to happen.

More advanced

Practice using ‘command tone’ on every word within a sentence, so the overall
effect is like a series of waterfalls. The impact on the listener is significant.

Summary

Your voice is one of your most powerful influence tools…

1. Choose a vocal quality (eg. rate of speech) and vary it. Go to the
extremes (eg. see how fast you can talk, how slow you can talk etc.) Do
this for each of the vocal qualities in the list above (see main text when
you’ve got a moment )

2. Once you have established that you can vary a particular vocal
characteristic, practice using it the next time you are on the phone with
someone to get rapport.

3. Practice saying a sentence (Eg. “Have you got any questions?”) with a
rising pitch, then a level pitch, then a descending pitch. Descending pitch
activates the ‘command module’ in the brain.

4. Identify the things that you want others to do in persuasion situations,

then check what pitch you’re using. Practice making those requests using
‘command tone’ then notice what a difference it makes.

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Tip 4 - Getting Rapport on The Phone

I have a standing invitation to everyone who reads these NLP tips to ask me to
write about what you want to learn more about. Nige Becford had the following
question:

"I was wondering if you could go into how you guys generate rapport over the
telephone. I have spoken before with NLP trainers and considering they are trying
to sell me training, I have felt more at ease talking to them than I do with people
I have known for years. It is fantastic and I'm not sure how exactly how it
happens."

And the answer is… well, a bunch of things. First of all, I don’t know exactly what
the people Nige has spoken to have been doing, but I do know that there are a
number of things which will help you to get rapport, put people at ease and have
more fluid, enjoyable telephone conversations.

The first thing is to know what you want with regard to a particular conversation,
so…

1. With regard to some upcoming phone conversation, what do you want?

And how will you know when you’ve got it?

Having a clear idea of what direction you want to go in will allow you to
get good feedback about whether or not you’re on track. Obviously, the
amount of time you spend figuring out what you want with regard to a call
will depend on how important the call is to you.

2. Get in a good state.

I’ve heard Richard Bandler say repeatedly "If you want to get someone
into a good state, go there first yourself." If you want other people to feel
relaxed & at ease, make sure you feel relaxed & at ease. (For more
information on state, see NLP Tip 18 - Choose your state.)

3. Establish rapport

Now, there are many ways to establish rapport. Some of the behavioural ways
you can do this on the phone include the following:

• Talking at the same rate as the other person

• Modulating your voice tone so that it is similar to theirs
• Modulating voice pitch so it’s similar to theirs
• Using the same sensory words as them (see Tip 6 - How to really speak
their language)
• Talking at the rate they’re breathing

Personally, I find it difficult to breathe at the same rate as someone else if they’re
talking. I do, however, like talking at the same rate that someone is breathing.
How do you know what rate they’re breathing at?

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 a. Listen to them talk (if they’re talking, they’re breathing out.)
b. Listen to them breathe

Can you hear someone breathe over the phone? Sure, if you listen.

1. Make a mental image of the person

Another trick of the trade is to make a mental image of the person you are
speaking to. See the expressions on their face, notice how they respond to
what you say. And whatever you do, start by pretending / believing that
the call is going to have a positive result for you both.

2. Be curious about & interested in the other person

Of all the points, this is one of the most powerful. Some of the most powerful
messages you can give to someone are "I am interested in you", "I care about
your wellbeing" and "You are important to me." And the quickest way to get
these ideas across in your communication is to mean it. When you mean it, you
come across congruently, and the communication can flow.

Sometimes, people get so caught up in the technology of rapport (matching

eyeblinks etc) that they don’t remember what it’s about: connecting with another
human being. The behavioural elements of rapport are just a way to allow that
connection to emerge more rapidly.

Summary

This week, we’re talking about ways to establish rapport over the phone.

1. With regard to some upcoming phone conversation, what do you

want? And how will you know when you’ve got it?
2. Get in a good state
3. Establish rapport
4. Make a mental image of the person
5. Be curious about & interested in the other person

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Tip 5 - How To Build Vocal Flexibility
As I promised, we’re going to play with some exercises to build your vocal
flexibility.

A few weeks ago, I was meeting a potential client for the first time, & I noticed
that he spoke more quickly than anyone I’d ever met. I smiled inside, because I
knew one thing for sure: this person spends quite a lot of their time frustrated
because they’re listening to people who talk way too slow. How did I know that?
Because people tend to talk at the rate they think, & tend to want others to talk
at that rate too. Almost no-one could talk at the rate he did, so I knew he would
often feel others were talking too slow. So why was I smiling? Because I knew
that I could give this person a much more enjoyable experience than they are
used to having. I immediately set my voice speed to super-fast, & the session
proceeded fantastically.

1) Start talking at a rate that is comfortable for you. Start to speed up the
rate, until you are talking very fast. Then speed it up until you’re
speaking way too fast. Then speed it up further until you’re speaking so
fast it’s coming out faster than you can think. Then gradually slow it all
the way down until you’re speaking way too slow.

NB: As with any physical exercise, warm up to these slowly & have a rest if you
feel any strain.

Going to the extremes can help you develop the flexibility you will need to start
matching people’s speed. Matching someone’s speaking speed is one very quick
way to start establishing rapport. Tip for doing this: listen to them. You will find
that before long you can pick up someone’s speed in the first few seconds of a
conversation.

2) Conduct similar exercises for the following vocal qualities: pitch (how high
or low your voice is), tone, & volume. Once again, take it to the limits,
then go beyond them.

At first, as with any new skill, you may find these exercises seem a bit unnatural.
Most people are not familiar with talking outside their usual range. But you will
start to see the benefits as you begin to develop more flexibility. On my
trainings, I like to create an environment where you feel comfortable to go
outside of your comfort zone, so allow yourself to have that experience with these
exercises.

3) Start to find opportunities to match other peoples’ vocal qualities. Once

you’re in rapport, vary your speed & listen to them follow you!

Summary

Exercises for building vocal flexibility:

1) Start talking at a rate that is comfortable for you. Start to speed up the
rate, until you are talking very fast. Then speed it up until you’re
speaking way too fast. Then speed it up further until you’re speaking so

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 fast it’s coming out faster than you can think. Then gradually slow it all
the way down until you’re speaking way too slow. (NB: As with any
physical exercise, warm up to these slowly & have a rest if you feel any
strain.)

2) Conduct similar exercises for the following vocal qualities: pitch (how high
or low your voice is), tone, & volume. Once again, take it to the limits,
then go beyond them.

3) Start to find opportunities to match other peoples’ vocal qualities. Once

you’re in rapport, vary your speed & listen to them follow you!

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Tip 6 - You Can Quote Me on This

When I first started learning about NLP, I was really drawn by the idea of
influential language. I’ve always loved words, & the idea that you can use words
to influence a person’s unconscious processes was amazing to me. Once I started
reading about NLP, it wasn’t long before I came across the idea of quotes (the
pattern we’ll be looking at today), & said to myself “You’ve got to learn how to do
this!” Now, with me, once I decide something, then it’s going to happen, so now
I use quotes all the time.

Direct or indirect?

When you want to communicate something to someone, you have a choice to

make: you can communicate directly or indirectly. The advantage of direct
communication is you can be explicit & clear, leaving the other person in no doubt
of what it is you want. The disadvantage of direct communication is, the other
person can resist. If I were to give someone the direct command “Come on one
of my trainings” they probably wouldn’t comply - after all, no-one likes to be told
what to do! If, on the other hand, I can find an indirect way to say “Come on one
of my trainings”, then it will be harder to resist.

Indirect communication

There are many patterns of indirect communication in NLP, & one of my

favourites is quotes. The quotes pattern is very simple – just take the thing
you’d like to say to someone & put it in quotes. I once heard Richard Bandler say
“You can have lots of fun with quotes.” I didn’t realise then just how right he
was!

1) Think of something you’d like to say to someone, put it in quotes, then

attribute it to someone else.

People have very little awareness of different levels in communication. If I start

telling someone a story, then slip in some requests in quotes, they don’t tend to
notice the requests at a conscious level. Their unconscious, on the other hand,
processes everything. In effect, when you put a command in quotes, the
command gets processed by the unconscious mind, but not by the conscious
mind.

For example, I was once working with a group of sales people, & I wanted to
demonstrate the power of the quotes pattern. I started telling them about
another training I was running where I used quotes to give someone the message

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“Scratch your nose.” I explained that I didn’t just come right out & say “Scratch
your nose”, because they wouldn’t have done it, just on principle. Instead, I told
them a story about how someone just walked up to me in the street & said
“Scratch your nose” for no good reason. Within moments, at least half the people
in the room were scratching their noses. Have you scratched yours yet?

• You can use quotes to do many things, including:

• Giving people commands (I once heard Richard Bandler say “Learn to
use quotes” & I always remembered it.)
• Imparting wisdom (A financial genius once told me “The most powerful
investment you can make is an investment in yourself – invest in
training.”)
• Saying the unsayable (A guy in the street just bumped into me & said
“@%&£!” Can you believe it !?!)
• & much much more

2) Identify the situations where you would like to say certain things, then
figure out how to use quotes to get your message across.

Use stories for camouflage

In Frogs Into Princes (classic NLP book), Bandler & Grinder say “If you feed
people interesting content, you can experiment with any pattern.” Now, one of
the easiest ways to do this is to tell people stories. When people go into story
mode, they stop tracking other levels. For example… I remember when I first
taught people the quotes pattern in a training, I was amazed at ‘the story effect.’
I had just finished explaining & demonstrating the use of quotes, & I said “Now
I’m going to tell you a story & demonstrate this pattern again.” I started to tell
them a story, peppered with phrases like “Practice using quotes every day”,
“Become fascinated with learning NLP” & “Find out how much fun you can have
with this”. The astonishing thing was, as soon as I started telling them the story,
they all went into story mode, & they accepted the quotes without even noticing –
right after I’d told them what I was going to do! I was blown away, & said to
myself “You can be totally blatant with it!”

3) Look through this tip for statements in quotes. See how they can be
processed on (at least) 2 different levels.

One of the things I love about quotes is that, in effect, they hide in plain sight. I
sometimes have to bite my tongue to stop from laughing out loud when I’m using
this pattern. Other times, I just laugh out loud (& people think I’m a bit odd )
John LaValle once told me “The world becomes a way funnier place when you
learn NLP & start to really have fun.” To me, that makes good sense.

Summary

This week’s tip looks at the quotes pattern for indirect communication:

1) Think of something you’d like to say to someone, put it in quotes, then

attribute it to someone else.

2) Identify the situations where you would like to say certain things, then
figure out how to use quotes to get your message across.

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3) Look through this tip for statements in quotes. See how they can be
processed on (at least) 2 different levels.

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Tip 7 - Influential, Innit?

Just to remind you, when you want to communicate something to someone, you
have a choice to make: you can communicate directly or indirectly. The
advantage of indirect communication is that it’s easier for the other person to
accept & harder to resist.

I was on the tube in London the other day, & I happened to hear two girls having
a conversation. Most of the sentences ended with the word “innit?” Now, I’ve
heard many people lament the sad state of the way today’s youth use language,
but I was impressed. You see, “innit” is an abbreviation of “isn’t it”, & putting
“isn’t it” on the end of a sentence makes the sentence difficult to disagree with,
doesn’t it.

Tag questions
“Isn’t it” is an example of a tag question, & using tag questions is a great way of
making it easier for people to agree with you &, after all, you want people to
agree with you, don’t you. This seems to have something to do with the fact that
you introduce a negative into the situation, & negatives get processed differently
neurologically than linguistically (“isn’t it” is an abbreviation of “is it not”, which is
a particularly cool / weird sounding tag question, is it not?.) So…

1) Make a list of six statements or suggestions you would like to make to

someone (or a group of people) then find a way to add tag questions to
them.

Tag questions include:

isn’t it can’t you doesn’t it

aren’t you don’t they can you not
don’t you can’t he etc etc etc

My bet is that you can start to find ways to tack these onto the end of your
existing statements, can’t you? In fact, one of the things that you’ll begin to
notice is just how much fun you can have getting people to agree with even the
flimsiest of arguments, just by putting tag questions on the end. This is because,
once people start agreeing, they like to keep the pattern of agreement going,
don’t they? You’ve probably noticed this already, haven’t you?

2) Practice saying the statements, using a downward inflection of your voice

on the tag question.

The downward inflection opens up the command module in people’s brains, &
makes it even more difficult to disagree with (for more info on downward
inflections, see Tip #11) You can imagine what happens when you start
integrating this with your other skills (Eg. Rapport, Pacing & Leading etc.)

3) Start throwing tag questions in at the end of statements you’re already

making when in conversation with people.

One of the great things about tag questions is that they sound really normal with
very little practice. There is a simple reason for this: you already use them, don’t
you. Think about it. There have been lots of times when you’ve used these little
suckers without even realising you were being extra influential, haven’t there?

18
This means that you already have a high degree of competence in this particular
skill. All I’m inviting you to do now is to start using them systematically in
influence situations. That’s straightforward enough, isn’t it?

Summary
Use ‘tag questions’ (isn’t it, can’t you, don’t they etc) to make your
communications easier to agree with…
1) Make a list of six statements or suggestions you would like to make to
someone (or a group of people) then find a way to add tag questions to
them.
2) Practice saying the statements, using a downward inflection of your voice
on the tag question.
3) Start throwing tag questions in at the end of statements you’re already
making when in conversation with people.

19
Tip 8 - The Positive Thing About Negative Talk

Last week we talked about tag questions, didn’t we, & one of the cool things
about tag questions is the way they use negation…so this week, we’re going to
look at negation in more depth.

Negatives aren’t processed by the nervous system in the same way that they are
linguistically (eg. The command “Don’t think of a purple hippo” is difficult to
obey.) If you tell someone to not do something, they must on some level
conceive of doing it in order to conceive of not doing it. At least. Some
examples:

- Please stop smoking

- Don’t spill your drink
- Don’t muck about with that!
- Don’t tease your sister
- Don’t forget the laundry
- Etc etc etc

They always make the pictures

Now, I’m not saying that if you tell someone not to walk on the grass, that they
will then vividly imagine tap-dancing across your pristine lawn. What I am saying
is that in order to even comprehend the words, they must be creating
representations of the words somewhere in their neurology. They may not be
conscious of these representations, but they are there nonetheless. Consider the
following two sentences:

a) I opened my lunchbox & found that I’d forgotten my drink.

b) I opened the drawer & discovered my spagneb was missing.

My guess is that you can read sentence ‘a’ without having to be conscious of
making particular internal pictures, sounds etc. When you read sentence ‘b’,
however I expect that something strange happened when you got to the bit about
the ‘spagneb’. That’s because language processing happens really fast
(something like 1/30th of a second for each word.) Just because you’re not
necessarily conscious of the representations each word & phrase makes in your
mind, doesn’t mean they aren’t being made (this is one of the keys to how
hypnosis works, by the way.)

Put things in the positive

If you want to get someone to ‘not-do’ something, think about what you’d like
them to do instead.

Please stop smoking à Please take care of your health

Don’t spill your drink à Carry your drink carefully
Don’t muck about with that! à Play with this (ie. Something else)
Don’t tease your sister à Be kind to your sister
Don’t forget the laundry à Remember the laundry

20
See, on some level, “Don’t forget the laundry” gets processed as “Forget the
laundry (don’t)”. “Remember the laundry” more straightforward to process. I
recently did some work for a company that had put in place lots of security
checks. The security guard told me what I had to do to get through the various
controls & barriers. He then spent a few minutes telling me what not to do (Eg.
“When you get to the first floor, don’t swipe your card over the magnetic pad…”)
This was very important to him, so he reinforced it lots & lots. Pretty soon I
found that I had enough information & went on my way. As soon as I got to the
first floor, I tried three times to get in by swiping the magnetic pad, then realised
what I was doing – he’d accidentally programmed me to do it! Or I just didn’t
listen properly – you decideJ)

1) Identify a few of the things that you tell people NOT to do, then figure out
how to structure it as a positive (see examples above.)

This is particularly useful with children. Children are very responsive, & words
can turn into actions very quickly (“Don’t play with your food”, anybody?) You
can get some amazing results in your communications with kids purely by
changing your instructions from “Don’t do that” to “Do this.” Another person this
works very well for is yourself. We all talk to ourselves, & telling ourselves what
not to do seems not to work very well (“Stop thinking about chocolate” anyone?)

Strategic use of negatives

There is of course a way to use negatives positively. For instance, I might say
“Don’t put these learnings into practice too quickly” or “Don’t have too much fun
playing with negation.” It all depends on what response you want to get. I
sometimes even combine negation with ‘quotes’ (see Tip #30), for instance “I’m
not going to tell you ‘This training is going to be one of the most amazing
experiences of your entire life’, because you’re more interested in the specific
benefits.”

2) Identify a few of the things you’d like to get people to do, then structure
them as a negative.

Now I wouldn’t recommend that you play with negatives in every single
communication situation. And I’m not suggesting that you have so much fun with
them that you smile wide (on the inside) as you notice the great responses you’re
getting. I’m not even saying “Use negation to squeeze more enjoyment from
every interaction you have with another person.” I’m merely advising that you
start to enjoy the process of becoming effortlessly skilled with these…but not too
fast!

Summary

Looking at ways to use negatives to communicate more positively.

1) Identify a few of the things that you tell people NOT to do, then figure out
how to structure it as a positive (see examples above.)

2) Identify a few of the things you’d like to get people to do, then structure
them as a negative.

21
Tip 9 - The Ultimate Covert Communication Technique
In 1998, I attended my first NLP Training, an experience that was to change my
life. As we settled into our chairs, the trainer stood at the front of a room of 100
people & proceeded to captivate us for three days straight, using just himself & a
flipchart! No overhead projectors, no PCs, no videos, no PowerPoint
presentations, no bar-charts, not even any notes! Just him, us & a flipchart.
Having sat in countless dull business presentations, the idea that training could
be this good was a revelation to me. I thought “I’m going to do that” & started to
pay close attention to what he was up to. As he talked to us in a relaxed &
confident way, I happened to noticed one technique he used which seemed to
draw everyone into what he was saying: he told stories.

People have been telling stories for thousands of years, & for many different
purposes. Before the development of the printing press, stories were one of the
main ways for people to pass on important information to each other & to
subsequent generations. Knowledge about everything from food sources to
cosmology was communicated through stories. Some people even believe that
the story ‘pattern’ is a core pattern of human neurology, & that some mythic tales
are so powerful that they resonate with us at a deep level. (This is sometimes
offered as an explanation for the success of the surprise-hit film Star Wars, which
started life as a B-movie. Screenwriters book on courses in their droves to learn
how to tap in to these deep myths & create hit films.)

Whether I’m writing a newsletter, working with a group, coaching someone or

closing a deal, stories are one of my most powerful resources. You can use
stories to…

- Build rapport
- Invite people to relax & take off their armour
- Gather resources
- Elicit states
- Speak to the unconscious
- Illustrate a point
- Grab your audience’s attention
- Overturn objections
- Reframe a problem
- Induce trance in your audience
- Install strategies
- Do covert rehearsal
- Disassociate people
- Change beliefs
- Do covert changework
- And generally act as great camouflage for covert NLP fun & games

One of the cool things about people is that as soon as you start telling a story,
they go into ‘story-mode’. When you’re in story-mode, you’re typically paying so
much attention to the story that you don’t pay as much attention to the process.
This is why I call stories ‘The Ultimate Covert Communication Technique’.

The first time I really noticed this was when I was reading ‘Frogs Into Princes’
(classic NLP book). The authors said “If you feed people interesting content, you
can experiment with any pattern” & I started to think about what patterns you
might be able to experiment with. I didn’t think of myself as a great storyteller,
but I realised that the first thing I would have to do was develop some interesting
content. So I started reviewing the events of my life, scanning for ‘story’. When

22
you do this, you start to realise that there are many events, circumstances &
situations that can be structured & re-told as stories. Then, I started to practise
telling them, & I watched the people I was telling them to so I could notice what
response I was getting.

1) Identify two or three stories or anecdotes taken from your personal

experience.

It can help to choose something that has some kind of emotional impact, eg.
funny, inspirational, ironic, exciting, suspenseful, wonderment etc.

2) Practise telling the stories to other people, & pay attention to the moment-
to-moment responses you are getting.

If telling the stories ‘live’ is to big of a first step, start by writing them out. This
will help you develop structure as well as to pick out details that bring the story
alive (see NLP Tip #56 for more on bringing stories to life.)

The influence expert Chris Tomasulo says that when you tell someone a story,
they do a ‘me too’ - they unconsciously search through their own experience to
find a personal reference for what you’re saying (this is one of the reasons why
people often respond to a story by telling a similar one of their own.) This means
that people will always respond in some way to the stories you tell them, while
you tell them.

3) Identify a situation where you’d like to influence someone in a certain

direction. Think of a story or metaphor that could help you persuade them.

Business Essentials:
One of the most powerful places to do this is in a selling situation. A prospective
client told me they wanted to come on NLP Practitioner training, but that 20 days
was too much time to spend on it.

I told them about another of my clients who had had exactly the same concern, &
had gone on a much shorter course. He was happy with the things he’d learned
but still felt that there was something missing. While he could do a number of
techniques, & had a great attitude, he really wanted to be able to demonstrate
the high level of skill that he’d heard was possible. He also had changes he
wanted to make in his life that he’d hoped would happen as a result of doing the
training, but the hadn’t happened yet. So he decided to do a modular
Practitioner training. Very soon, he started to see what a difference that extra
time could make, & started to begin feeling confidence in his ability to really do
NLP. He subsequently went on to build a business based around what he’d
learned, & today is incredibly happy. When I told them this, they looked sceptical
& said “How do you know he’s incredibly happy?” I said, “Because that client was
me.”

4) Start a collection of stories, & practise telling them.

Even if you should happen not to attend one of our NLP trainings, having a
collection of stories to tell is a great resource. One of the things we do with
practitioners is install the cognitive structures that enable you to generate stories
for any situation. The results you can get using stories are nothing short of
amazing, so start practising!

23
Tip 10 - Embedded Commands for Covert Influence
You may recall that it was recently the 60th anniversary of D-Day and, while much
of the commemoration passed me by, I was intrigued by one particular story. It
related to the French Resistance, the secret network of brave individuals who
(among other things) made life difficult for the Nazis and helped British forces
who had been stranded in France by smuggling them out of the country and
safely home. As you can imagine, this was extremely dangerous work, and the
network needed all the information they could get. Unfortunately, all radios were
banned (people created home-made radios, but were shot if found with them),
and the Nazis monitored all incoming radio messages rigorously. The solution to
this problem was the BBC, who loaded particular radio broadcasts with secret
messages, innocuous to the casual listener, but filled with vital information to
those individuals who knew what to listen out for. These secret messages how the
French Resistance were informed of the date and plans for the D-Day landings.

I loved the idea of these seemingly innocuous messages carrying vital, hidden
information, and it’s one of the things that I still find amazing about NLP. When
Bandler and Grinder modelled Milton Erickson (world’s greatest hypnotherapist)
they found that he embedded messages in ordinary speech that wasn’t ‘heard’ by
the conscious mind, but was heard by the unconscious. In NLP, these messages
are referred to as ‘embedded commands’, and they are one of the coolest
techniques I’ve ever seen for communicating with someone’s unconscious mind.

Erickson evolved his approach so he could deliver positive messages to his

clients, messages they might resist if they were to hear them consciously. I’m
sure you can think of many situations where, no matter how positive your
intention, a person will resist your message if they are conscious of it. These are
situations where you can learn to use embedded messages.

Examples of Embedded Messages

There are many examples of embedded commands, so let’s have a look at a few:

Quotes – This is one of my favourites. When Bandler said “Learn to use quotes”
he wasn’t joking, because when you’re quoting someone else, the person you’re
speaking to tends to treat it almost as a story. Your unconscious, of course, will
tend to process it as a direct instruction. For more about quotes, see NLP Tip
#30.

Negation – When you negate something, the person is less likely to resist.
“Don’t focus only on the benefits of my product, because it’s important to take a
balanced view.” If I wanted you to practice using this pattern, but I thought you
might resist, I could say “Don’t practice this pattern too much.” In so doing, I’ve
managed to deliver the ‘practice this pattern’ message, say I’m not telling you to
do it, and presuppose that you will be practicing it to some extent. If you’re the
resistant sort, you might even go “I’ll practice it as much as I want, and you can’t
stop me!”

What happens… - Another personal favourite. “What happens when you

imagine becoming really good at this?” I’ve just asked you a question, but to
answer it, you have to imagine becoming really good at this! Cool, eh? What
happens when you imagine the benefits my training will give you? By the time
you’ve finished the sentence, the process has already started.

How Does This Work?

24
There are a number of factors at play with this. If I say “Don’t think of a purple
zebra”, you have to think of one just to understand what I’ve said to you. Your
unconscious is responsible for translating each word into a set of representations
which have meaning. So when I say “What happens when you imagine becoming
highly skilled at this?”, your unconscious has typically done it by the time you’ve
‘understood’ the sentence. Add to this the fact that your unconscious processes
statements directly (ie. Without regard to context), and that your unconscious
can track all the little signals (body language, voice tone etc) and make
connections between everything that’s going on and hey presto! You’ve got
embedded commands. The conscious mind tends to get ‘hypnotised’ by content.
This leaves you free to interact directly with the unconscious mind.

*****************************************************

And Mark Out Hidden Messages

So a person’s conscious mind tends to focus on the content of what someone is
saying to you, but your unconscious is able to track all the other aspects of a
person’s communication (voice tone, eyebrow movements, gestures, voice pace
etc). This means that a person can learn to embed messages in a seemingly
innocent statement. For example, when I’m working with a group of people, and
we’re preparing to do an exercise, I might want to say to them “You can do this
easily”. But I also know that if I say this directly, some people will disagree with it
(either because they have a tendency to mismatch, or because they genuinely
think it’s going to be difficult.) So instead, I might say “One of the ways that you
can do this easily is to space out around the room and then begin.” When I get to
the you can do this easily bit, I might drop my voice tone slightly, or gesture to
the group. This extra piece of behaviour (which your unconscious will notice but
your conscious mind will tend to miss) is referred to as ‘analogue marking’.

You can learn to mark out words and phrases using various behaviours: altered
voice tone, voice speed, raised eyebrows, a gesture, head tilt etc. In the UK,
people are fairly well attuned to voice tone, because it has historical importance
in determining a person’s social class. In the USA, however, people tend to be
much less ‘tuned in’ to voice tone, so to those of you in the USA, you can be even
more blatant than everyone else! Hooray! Here’s an exercise:

1) In a meeting or conversation where you have rapport with the other

person/people, find a way to work the words ‘scratch’ and ‘knows’ into the
sentence.

For instance, “If we start from scratch here, nobody knows exactly how this is
going to turn out at this point.”

When you say the words scratch and knows, mark them out in some way (eg. By
raising your eyebrows, lowering your voice slightly, or moving your hand). If the
person (or one of the people) you are talking to scratches their nose within the
next 30-60 seconds, congratulate yourself. You have just embedded a command
(scratch = scratch and knows = nose). Sneaky huh!?!

You may not think that’s very useful, but if you can influence an overt behaviour
like nose-scratching by artfully using language, what else can you do.

2) Think of a situation where you’d like to give certain commands or

suggestions to someone, but where those suggestions might be resisted.
Then, identify the specific things you’d like to be able to say. Then, create
some sentences that include those suggestions as embedded commands.

25
Command: Clean your room
Sentence: Remember how clean your room looked last Christmas?

Command: Hire my company

Sentence: It’s amazing that the higher my company goes, the more nice people
we meet.

Command: Relax deeply

Sentence: People can relax deeply as you go into a trance.

And the time-worn classic…

Command: Buy now

Sentence: By now, you may be wondering what the next steps are.

As you will have gathered from the ambiguities in some of these sentences, your
unconscious processes every possible meaning of a word. This is another clue to
how these commands can be so effective. In fact, your unconscious is another
personal favourite, borrowed from Milton E.

3) Go back through this tip looking at all the words in italics or underlined.
Just another way of marking things out 

If you’d like to become highly skilled at using embedded commands, as well as a

whole host of other techniques and approaches for covert influence and
persuasion, we are running our Ethical Influence training from 25-27 August.
This is the last time we will run this as a public training, as we’re migrating it
over to corporate, so if you want to learn the most powerful influence techniques
going at an extremely competitive price, now would be a good time to book your
place. Follow the link for more information - Ethical Influence with NLP

Business Essentials
I’ve used embedded commands in business contexts extensively, with sales,
training, teambuilding, coaching and culture change. It can be an extremely
effective technique for delivering messages in a way that allows people to make
changes without having to confront resistance.

26
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About the Author
Jamie Smart is the Managing Director of Salad Seminars Ltd,
as well as the principal trainer. He spent much of the
nineties leading large, mission-critical business projects and
change programmes. In the process, he found that
individual change is the key to collective change, and
became fascinated with helping people achieve the results
they want. This fascination led him to NLP, and he has spent
from 1996 to the present day learning from the finest
teachers and materials, and applying what he’s learned.
Jamie is an NLP Master Practitioner and is licensed by
Richard Bandler and the Society of NLP as a Trainer of
Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people
around the world each week (available from www.saladltd.co.uk), as well as the
creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products.

He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isn’t helping other people get what they
want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading.

Acknowledgements
I’ve been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other
innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made
their way into this work.

Specific thanks to…

• Richard Bandler • Robert Dilts

• John Grinder • Sid Jacobson
• Joseph Riggio • Jonathan Altfeld
• Eric Robbie • Robert Anton Wilson
• Jo Cooper • Ian Watson
• Peter Seal • Michael Neill
• Timothy Leary • John La Valle
• Marianne Williamson • Paul McKenna
• Michael Breen • Christina Hall
• Sháá Wasmund

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