Commentary for March 2011 Behaviour Modes for Handling Conflict

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) describes possible behaviours between two people in a conflict situation. It uses two dimensions, assertiveness and cooperativeness. Assertiveness describes the extent to which each person attempts to satisfy their own concerns. Cooperativeness describes the extent to which each person attempts to satisfy the other persons concerns. Based on these two dimensions, five behaviour modes for handling conflict have been developed. They are described below.

Avoiding - Leave well enough alone. When avoiding, an individual does not address the conflict. One might postpone a discussion on an issue until a better time or simply withdraw from a threatening situation. This behaviour may be appropriate if the potential costs of confronting an issue outweigh the benefits of its resolution. However, a person who consistently avoids dealing with minor interpersonal issues should be aware that failure to deal with those issues may lead to a much more serious dispute. Accommodating - Kill your enemies with kindness. When accommodating, an individual neglects their own concerns and focuses only on satisfying the concerns of the other person. This behaviour may be helpful when allowing an employee or family member to experiment and learn from their mistakes. It could be problematic if it deprives one party of influence, respect and recognition.

Page 2 of 2

Commentary for March 2011 Behaviour Modes for Handling Conflict

Competing - Might makes right. When competing, an individual uses whatever power seems appropriate to pursue their own concerns at the expense of the other person. This behaviour is necessary in an emergency or when an unpopular course of action must be implemented. However, it will prevent others from voicing their opinions and it may inhibit the generation of optimal solutions. Compromising Split the difference. When compromising, each party gives up something to the other party in order to achieve a solution. This behaviour is fine when goals are moderately important and not worth the effort required for a more assertive mode. Conversely, if every problem is solved with a compromise, the values and long-term objectives of both parties will suffer. Collaborating The win-win solution. When collaborating, individuals work together to find a solution that fully satisfies the concerns of both parties. A collaborative solution is truly a win for both parties. It certainly takes a lot of time and energy. Therefore, it is not the behaviour mode to use for a trivial problem. An overuse of collaboration may diffuse responsibility for decisions and postpone necessary actions.

There is a time and place for each conflict handling behaviour. Unfortunately most people tend to use the same one or two modes in all situations. As they develop competence with their preferred modes they begin to rely heavily on them to the exclusion of other options. When looking for optimal solutions, one should always consider the most appropriate behaviour for a particular situation. It is fairly easy to have an individualized Thomas-Kilmann Profile done on yourself. You will receive an unbiased assessment of which behaviours you will likely use in specific conflict situations. This awareness could be extremely helpful for you. If you are interested in having this profile done, please contact greg@schottresolutions.ca. Next month we will begin a discussion on techniques for better communication.

These comments are based on the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument Copyright 2007 by Xicom, Incorporated, a subsidiary of CPP Inc. The two-dimensional model of conflict-handling behaviour is adapted from Conflict and Conflict Management by Kenneth Thomas in The Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology, edited by Marvin Dunnette, Rand McNally 1976.