Cruprrn 1

Emotions: The FUII-System Response

Whatarc emotions? thet thoughts? thevfcelings? thcy thepoundrnglll yollr Are Are Are chestwhen you fall in love?Emotions a full_s),ste,m are respons" ..n*pii.ing all of thesc factors and experiences, theyinclucie arrd bodjly-eE!!!tio"s, !p-in, ind your thoughts. tig 'rhe *'ord rrroiio, itselfcomes from the Lrfin erno|ere, means moveout, agLrate, and io or exciie. This is whereour Iinglishtvord ,,motion,, comes Irom, and of corrrse ou cnnsee \ the connection '''ith thc word ,'flnoiion. !\rhi:ne,'rotions stirrerlup, iheytring about get movement acti(D. or Emoiions ofteFlhDrght nrc of.s -.tncth. feeli.gor sc.iinre.t, but.ts r i " r r r r l l c o m , l . \ c e .t l t e r ' r pr r L r c h c r ., r c , , n r f . t .t.E . , nr t Havevouevernoticed whenyou,te that you eDroiional haveccrtain thoughts nssoci_ . ntedwith eachcmotion? vou,reangry,for erarrple. lf you niglrt think tilirrvou nare you might hirvethoughts someone/ that yorl hatea situation. or suchas, ,,This so is "l'm in "They unfair," cl;ingcr," ha'e it in for rnc.,, a laterchaptcr will lookat holv ln rve thorlghts-including intcrpretations, judgmcnts, beiiefs-har:e poner. influence and ihe lo the emotions thatyou leeland ihc inkrnsiiv those of cmoti(Ds. ln addition thor.rghts, experiencc io you you phvsical urgcs agitation. mrllnr or l{nnt . to hit somelhing, something, atvav, kisssontcone. brrv rtln or I.hat,s because thefe,s il ph\.sioloeical comf(metrt e lotion.FIere l$,oothcreramples thisphysiological to are of col11Ponent. Crvingis a physiological actjvitv associited rnosihl rvithsaclncss grief, anrl

10

Don t Ltt Yo r En.jtians Rull Yaur LiJt

but .lso with happiness, in "tears joy." And in lhe crseof anxicty ns of ylrrrnraynolicc that you havebutterfiics vour stomach, in u'henyou have!o speakin iront of a cspecially crowd, take an exam,c{eal with your boss,or ask someone on a date. out When your emotions light up, so doesyour whole body. A &iqlo.Ec'1/ corrrplrrr has bcenactivatcd. You may takeoff iutu-,ing whcn you'rescart'd, hrrgsomeone rvhenyoLr're when you feel lor,e,and so on. 1lre biological happy, get aroused compiexrefersto the 'rf.r emotions come they factthatwhenyou expcriencc alivein thccomplctcncss lrrggerjng cvent,neurochemicnl activityin thebrain,physiological actionof thc n.,rvous systcnt, thoughts, respiratoryand circulatorysystems, and overt actions. So emotionis thoughtand feelingal1ddisposition act.Thereis no emotionwithto out thoutht, and no thouShtwithout emotion.And lr'heie there is emotion there is.n readiress action.Emotionis a complex fol and integrated s)stem,a ['holc, a gestalt. Ench rvholeis mutually part of the interdependent the partscooPeritc and with oneanothcr Thinkingper se is part of feeling,and feelingper se is part of thinking. synergistically. Informationprocessed coFitively affects emotional statcs, and plin1aryautomaiicemotionalresponses affectcognition, thinkingprocesses. within this k)tal matrix is the or And activityof overallbrain and bodv physiological aciivity.Tlrai'swhy in this u'orkbookthe skills vou will learn targetthinking (cognition), emotion(affect), anciothcr fcclingsand urges(physiological rrrges and activity).

and Unobservables Observables

(1991) Emotionresear.her theorist and Arnold Lazanrs describes catesorics t$'o rcl,rtecl to human emotionalexpefiences, which he cails ofsc['alles alrc]arro&serrr4l,/rs. L)bservables canbe seen pcopiearoundyou. Theyare t!_orfrt evidcnce bv that yoll arc expencncnlg emotion. Hereare Lazams's four classes fbservables:r of
L

Actions . Attack

o Avoidance . . Facialcxpressions Posture

Physiological reactions o Autonomicner\-or1s svstem r . . Neurological rcactions and actility Cjeneral brainactivity liomlonal sccretions ("1 Actualcontent hateyou" or "l lovevotl') Tone of r.oice(soft,tense, sarcastic, raiseC)

3. What people say . .

ll,,rrtiflrsrlr. Il,l/ S!,sto,? Ii.s|o,rs.

11

Telling others what you feei (sad, happy, nntry)

e l . L n v i r o n m e n l l l v c n l sa n d ( o n l e r l s . . . Socialcontext(dinner,medicalrppointment,fornralor inforrnal) Cultural (racial,qender, and locarc:eftinqs) Ph)'sjcal el'ents (war, chtuch ser.rce, iornaLlo,i'ic )
\_-+.__:

ljere arc Lazams' five classes,,f i;;;;;i;E,\ 1. Action tendencies . . . . U r t e - a n d i m p u l - ( , l t o r u n . r l r t ( 1 .r . r l l i . r l , , r : . U . : l.t . r r tr e l 0 5 A senseof readiness(psyched ior the big gamc) N{af or lnay not be a.lcd on i\,lal- or mav not be recognizcdbt vou rvhen iou crPericnce thenr-

2. Subiecfiveemotionalexpe ences . W h J l ) o u o r I t , e l t h a tn ' , , ' n ' , 1 . { r . J \ \ . r f , , r l -

J. ler.on-environmentrel.llionchips . . . . Motives and beliefs of .rn indiviciuai per-.on Demandsof the en,.ironment (lr,ork,schooi, religiorrs cornrnunify, famihJ F n r i r . n m c n r n .l . r f p ^ r l . r e \ n r r r c e,s n J c , r , : t r r i n l \ r How an indivirlual's motivesand bclicfsinteract rlith thc drntandsoi. giverl environment

4" Coping process o . ilorv you cope wilh sfresses lvhat l-ou use to cope lvith slross

5. Appraisal processes . . . Expect,rncy self and environment rcl.lion to onc another of in and rssessments well being of Judgmcnts Interptetations philosophies and abouihoiv thingsare working,a tl hor.v they rvork should

The obsen'abiesare casierto spot becarL-se they're overt nnd ob\,rousb vorr ,rnd othyou nraynot bc arvare ihese ers.Btrtif you're a higlily reactive person, of observablcs anri yorlr relatonshipsto oiher peopleat home,ir school, al u,ork_ ho$'they afiect or Also, the nore subtle observablcs, such as postureand facialexpressionT 1ellulrr ntorf ntiv (tellingsomeonc,'Drop deadl")or what loLr .lo (tilrorvir atterltionthan \vhat 1ou -sny plate on the floor).

12

Dotl't Let Yolr EtttotiatsR tl'{otLr Lit'e

that affect)'our emoincludeeventsin your environment {actors Someobsen'ab1e relaiedto rt'ducingyorrr lvhen$'e 8ct to ti'tccxelcises thesefactors tions.We'll consider k) Lrf and buikiing awareness the relationship the environmentto yotll vulnerabilities emotions. and brain activjty as observable Lazarusincludesthings like hormonesecretions themwith the riShi instlumentsWe'il touch and measure can scientists obsetve bccause br.rt on the role theyplay in the iife of vour emotions, this bookwon't haveyorr monitoractivity or of ing the secretjon endofphjns serotoninor your brain'selectrochemical he,lpbuild that someexerciscs sPecifically I will su8Sest As for the trnobservables, as of arvareness these, they're often off our personalradarscrecn Theseinclllde being rrindful to )our actionleidenciesor urges,kno*'ing what you have nn urgc to do, and yorr whetheror not yotl lvill acton the urge Remember, increasing -yourpowcr tc decide that no one can see,and there are times when it's have your orvn internal expetience importanttg let oihels$ol! \ow_t$ ry.!]3lX9!'{:lelliils. It canbe toughto do this.oth"8et" the effecttheiractions 10 haveoir you But if theycontinue aflectyou in ersnay not lvay and,vounevertell them,hurt canbuild rip and might end in your telling a negafive thernoff and hrlrting the relationshiP knorv or ]ust asoihersdon't tnrly kno$'what our motives bclicfsarc,lve rarelytrr.rly theirs. Also m)'stcriousis the n'ay in u'hich your and others' motives interact lvith ctc.) (.ommunitY religious, molai,economic' and standnrds, of demands theenvironment faclorssen'eas to bolstcrot stlessyou ,rnd othcrs.Finally,there whethcrenvironmental .rnd are coping and appraisal Processes, the way rve choseto deal lvith problemsand alsohave to do lvilh how and These demandsand what rvc cxpectoI ourselves, oihers. actionsand situations. we judge and interpretPeoPie's in But are emotions quitecomplex manyrc-qPects. don't let this comAs,voucansee, at take one vou.JLrst thisrvorkbook chaPter a time.'fakctime out io plexitvovenvhelm lvilh frjcnds,familv, clergy, Discuss material ihe Reread fervchapters. a do the exercises. ot a theraPrst.

The Fusionof Emotionsand Thoughts

from one anotht'ror are they really jirst the sarne Are emotionsand thoughtsseparate thing? For the purposeof this rvotkbook,I think it's importantto note that there is a and bctween emotions ihouthts, what mental or health professionals strongconnection call cotriirrTrs. !\'c rcsponsc, carl say that Sincelve've bccn talkingaboutemotionas a full-system of You'reprobrblv consists parts,or rs evcna part oi the *hole of a pelson. emotion to accustomcd speakint of your cnotions as being ciifferentthan yorrr thoughts.But y'rscd. talk aboutthem tho',rght as being arc of lVe thinking and elJrotion more accr.lrately from oneanother orderto betterrnderstandtheirrolesasfespcctire in partsof asdistinct Laterin the book,you rvill learnand practice the whole systerlr. skilis rclatftl specifical11' to your thoughts. and crnotion arL'rea]l1' The reason menfionthatthought I ftisecl that whenyou is yourthoughts it lcaursome theskillsin thisbook, canbehardto tcll if of come before or not a vesorno proposition, lrr:carrst That's tl1oughts sometime come after cmotions.

i.Ilotions:Thr fr/lslsh',

R.n,drsr

13

lvith emotions, and.lfter emotiurs.Thoughtsdo influence your emobeforeemotions, youl thouthts. tions and emotionalstatesinfluence

"RagingSteve":A Tale of Driving

thatilhrsuat{rs intelplay the bchvccn cmoiion, nction, ihe environand llfre's a saenaio horva prilnlry rmotioncarlsparh; secondarv iWe'll i'ovcrpri one. ml:nt,and shorvs in cmotjons chaptea 3.) narv anrl secondary &'hiledri,ing ho." ttoln,,r,c,rk aftemoon, th:rt one Steve gctscut off l.et'ssuppose lvhicirtiiggers appropriate At somcan\iety, an bv.rnother drir,cr. firsthe fcels rcactjonl Stevestartsthinking,"What a kr steerclearof the other car. llilt withrn a iew seconcis, jerklThat grrvdid that on pr.rrposel" "No onc shoulddrive iike thatl" llis anxir:I1' and begcis and aggression, prcttysoonSteve chasing othcr is thc gilesuay to anter,anger .r cardolvn thehjghlrayat 70 mph.But theothcrLlrilcr gctsar{ny.lVhv?llecarrse cophas andis charging 1vilh hinr several violations, inclirding ovcr speeding. failing pullcdSteve k) -\rgnnl, etc. f(]ar,but then his tlrinkjnt gcts the In tile abovcsk)ry,Stcvcrightfullv cxpcricnccs he ontohisassumptions fiis nlan$,as io gethim speth.rt better him once is locked of out andthattl'tis kinclof drrving s/totild ttcicr happen. ihoughts llis .ificaliy. colnpounded his nnd krld h1mhe necdcdkr shon ihat jcrk a thing or h{o aboutgood clrir'ing. cmotiol]s, wasrcinforced angrv by bchaviors, aggressir,e like His anger rlr'iving. noticinE of N..ot ,lnv and chaserd lhe otherdriver.You canseeihat it ln,rs after thrs,he murdlessly impulsrveiy ihatcontinued prompt to thinking andnla1ntain, cvcnintensif\', nnd Sier,c's hls.rntcr. rs for rngrv isn'titnportant. Whethcr Steve rightor rvrong gctting Whatmatiers here nt unsafe driving1ed him to become unsafc is that1is inclitnation ihe olherperson's an anci in tickct. driverhimsclf, resulted a spL,L'ding In ihc en11, thinkrng to incffccti\.e his lcd that $'orsc. bchaviors madcthc situaii(nl lVe ali havethoughtsthat fire lvith emotions._lf comenfter a llrnnrrr)'emotion, thcv ploducea mort:compli!!tc{ lcarnerl--:qgl"!].il}li.!l,q_t1al4l thrv thenma_y rc,spurrsc, like ',r'hether srrrr,ival social helpit. Ilvalllations aborlt ivell-being, our for can't or standing, do rcsponscs affcct connection otherinriivicluals arrd factor inio our emoiional our with anrl Thcrearetimesrvhenvou rnighirerctilith a-]utlgmei.t iiG.p,Jii) our communities. un tjon abouia sihratiollthat rvill triggeremotionor intensilvemotionlI:r,!blt nfrilcijalr.rii..
Yorl c,l1lld that Steve's ststemwas firing on nnecran(l fantplngulr kr raEe. say fr.rll

io r* Tanil.,IiL;;i f," a siight .,"rfiaielespecialll' ""iiii"iil ,,, .nihi. topeq. we

The Tides of Emotion

Emotions don'tlastJore\'er, althorgh some longer last thanothcrs. i\lso,theintensiiv .r of varies from person person, canvarv fromoncsifunti(rn givencmotion to antl to,ll'tothcr. It depends or.ucrlrrentler,el skillfrrlnlcss handiinficmotionnnL] on oI in othcf facbrs suclr hcalih, task-rrlatcd and as rcst, strss, slppolt. Likethe tirl.sof thc octan, enrotions ebb andflorv, thevcome andgo;ihcy're trnnsitor)'. is imFofinllt renembcr This lo wh('n\,o1r in (lon't l-rt firrdvourself .n emotionnl maelsirom. !'or.r If forgcl th,rtyorLr enn)tions

11

Dotl't Let yo|/ Eflolio s R n Yotlt ,.it'e

forever, mry be moreIlely to actimpulsively whenJou'reemotionAl. if vodre Blrt )'ou "Thistoo ableto tell l,rurself, thc hert .,f the mcment, iI] shallpass,,, yodli be a step closerto moreeffective emotionregulation. You.an titenopeni1pa varietyof optionsfor action,and stretchJ'-our rvillin$lessio practice your nel{ skills. If you heat up like a microrvave oven an<lcool down like a con\.entional one,\,ou may noticethat it seems an elelnityto cooldolvn,anclasvou,recoolingdorvn,vou,re like still highly vulnerableto the next trigger. In the example Stevethe aggressive of driver,he *.as hrghly angry and ngitatcd, so beingpulled over for a ticktwill trigge.otheri:moiions. Since is still nroused he just fol_ lowing his carchase, he'snot careful, new eventcoulclspikehis currentangereven if this further.The morelntense emotion,the moredysretulatcrl the Steveicels.i le coultl make things worseyet by swearingat lhe policeofficer or compLaining thev har-emorc that importantcrimesto trackelorvn. Steve hopped-up .aif"rnt o'rhasnt e.ttcn lI is nn well, his biologicalvulnerabilityrvill be even higher,making his dysrcgulation (Tn morc scvere. chapter10,you will learn specific skills for decrcasing your vulnerabilities theseand to other facto$.)

Reflecting the Ebb and Flow on

Takesometime to reflccton ihe last time you expetienceLl strongcmotDn.Wasit today? Yesterday? a few moments ago?I{rhenever that was you ,ill notice,if you reflect, Just that your emotions vary irl how strongthey feel.One momeni ),oucanbe furiousenough to throw things,and only momentslaier feel I taclupset.

Anger
Thirlk of a time when you were so nngty that ),ou thought ),ou werc going to slve.rr or throrv sonething someone. hii or punchthem. at ot Thinkaboutvournngnest moment ever, lvhatever that might be for you. Sitrationl

Your thoughts aboutthe situation the tinj (horvdid you lnt"rp,"t iey at

Tntensrt) ilngLr (0-100J1 of

Describe_the outcomes anctcor.rsequences time (rvere at that thingsthesanrc, nraccllorse, or made better?):

Horv long did it take you io cool dol\'n?

(holl. many?): Seconds Ivlinutes (hc,w nrany?):

ijrorotrs I/rc frii!SvslrrT R.sf.,!!r

1t

Hours (horv many?): A clayor more (hon' m a n v t ) : When you coolcd do$'rr,rvhat r\,as t h " . r r p n g i l )n f v c , r ' c r r r l l , ' n r L J - : 0 U l :

Sndness
Think of a time rvherl you *'ere so sad rhat nll voll wanted to do r\.as'(r\,,!!,jlhdra$', avorclothers, mope, and be absorbedin sad poems,i_nusic, movies. Ihink ahrLrt your or moment ever,\\,hate!erthat might be for vou. saddest Siluation:

Your thou8htsabout the sihlationai the time (horv diel vou inkrrplei it?):

(fr-lOU Intcnsityof s.rJness ):

the IJescribe outcomesanciconsequcnces that iime (rvcrc things the samc,made rvorse, at or made better?):

Horv long did it takeyou to get back to your normal mood? (how many?): Seconds Minutes (ho\\' many?): Hours(hou'many?):
l \ J , r r , ' r r r r r ' rln r o r r l r r r ' l lvhen yotl chteredrlp, rvilat lras the slrr:ngtli your sndness? of ((!100):

Fenr
Think of a timc rvhenyorl lvereso fearfulthat allyou rvarlieci do 1\,Ishide, witirto drarv,avoiclothers, panic,or frcakout. lhink aboutycr.lr most fearflllmoment,lvhatcver thai ni8ht be for r,ou. Situation:

Your thoughtsabout thc sihlationat the time (hol'tlid yorr

lntensity feir (0 100): of

16

Dott't Le! yow Ennti.'ts Rutl \ta r Ltft

Dcscribe the outcomcsand consetluences thai time (.!vere at thngs the same,nade rvorse,

or nade better?):

Horv long did it take \'oli to cooi down? (how many?): Seconds Minutes (how many?): Hours (how many?): A day or more (hon nany?): \Mren you relaxed,what lvas thc strengthof vour ftar? (0,100):

Loue
Think of a timc rvhenyou l{cre so fillcci rvith lo\'c that .rl1you tvankr.lrc do r{ils think aboutthe personvou loved,encourage others, flicnds and famjlv good thjngs telL about themselves life, or daydrcamaboutbeartiful thints. Think aboutyotr nlost and intenseexpcrience 1ove, of whateverihat might-trefor r'ou. Situation:

Your thoughtsabout the situationat ihc time (horr iiitl vou tllicrpr.t it?):

Intensltv love (0-100): of Describe ottcomesand conseq!cnces that time i\r{trethingsthe same, the at mndcr\,orse, or made better?):

t
I

I
How long did it takc yor.tto get backto your normal mood? (hovr manv?): Seconds Minutes(ho\\,many?): Hours(horvmanv?): A day or more (ho}\' man)?): Whenyour feclingof love levelod $,hat lr'asthe strngthof lole ((|100): off,

t
I I

t
I

L11t.iit1s lht flll Svslflrr R.itl)rs.

il

Happiness/loy
Think of a timc when lou creso happythatail VorlJid "!asiaugh,you cheered rrp and posltive. othersaround you, and you felt strong,confideni, Jlink aboutrour mosr happv or joyful momcntcvcr, lrhatel,erlllat mighi be for 1,ou. Situation:

Yolrr ihoughtsabout the siiuatlon.t the timc (how dicl "ou ltcrpret it?):

jov lntensitv happiness/ (0-100): of the and I)escrrbe outcomcs aonscquences that time (were thinlls ihe sa e, mnde \\,orse, at
or nade better?)l

"come Horv long clid ii take you to dorvn" or gct back io louf normal mooLl?

(l'rorv meny?): Scconds (ho$'manY?): Nlinutes Hours (hoI\' many?): A day or more (hor{ manv?): l\4rcnyou "camedown,"lvhatwas the

(0.100): strength happincss/jov of

Emotion States, Traits,and Moods

Ai ?inatiotl slnle is that .lisciete affe.iive iloment wh.n you cnn sa)', "l fcel nnger." It is transicnt,part of the ebb ar-rtl florv rvc mcntjone,::l abo,, A\\ cmoliotl,.dil is nlore endulltrg e. .rnd is charactcsticof a pcrsorr. you tend to respondkr situ.tions!,riih frllstrati(D If anLl "1'm "An (luolc l-nznrus nnger,you mighi sa)', an angryperson." To asni , emoiion ,.rltt to n charactedstic a pet-son, so is not rcallv an e 1olion, refer-s of antl brrt a r/isTrosrfio,l or ienLlencv rc.act to rvith one" (1991, 46). Yorr may have a pirticlllar cmotionthat you cxperiencL'nrore often thnn othcr ctro, "s.rd tions. lrolks around vor nav knorv you as a person,"nn "angrv person,"or a "happy person."A "happy person,"isn't alwa!s anLicvcr.r )rappyperson, sitrce thev tlo in frct fcel anger, antl sadness, anriety.We all do. r\ happr personis n pcrsonrvho seems more gcrrernlly happv,and pe1ll;1p5 responds ihc \rorld rvrlh nrorcpositir.e.rctlons,utd to iho ghts about rvhat irappcns, ouicomes, and iherr ibilitv 1{)(lL'al \!,iih challcngts. An nnxiouspersonis someone \-ho ienels tesFondio c)1allcngcs, cvcn the ihought of to or rvith u,ofl-y. This is lhe "worr\,_r!..1rt," an anxious pcr-sonlral. have pre challenges, an,:1 dominantly1{oirisonle thoLrghts .rnd .ctions. L.ikehappt' pt'ople,rnrious peoplc don't feel oniy anxiety.Thev also fccl joy, 1ove,and .rnEer Ar\ioLrs pcople c.n .rlso hdve drerms anclhopcful thorlgjits.

18

DoI't Lc! fo|r Erioliins RL!1 four Lift

Finally, thcrearcnoods. Basically, moods emotions sticknroundfor l re,rlll are that long tirne. And just as a happyperson will feelanger sadness an .rnxrous persnn or and a rvill feel the ernotion happiness, happv personcanhavc a bluc or deprcssed of nood, Arrd u'hile someemotjonsstick nround longef perhapsdue to illnessor.ircumstances. than others,they tend noi to iast forever.h{oodsthat becomepredominantand stick disorders, essevere chronicdepresslon, gcner;r1aroundtoo long become ntood sr.rch and or rzedanxictydisorder. youf As you practice skrilsin this woikbook,)ou'll finclit il'lportant to increase the ihai you fr:el.If )or fe a happt person, canseemas awareness lhe rangei-rf of emotions il though you never angry. you'rea worr)'wart, monrents anxret)'it seem If in of can as tet "l ncverfeelhappy,life thoughyou neverfcei hdppy.Cettingstuckon.' thoLlthtsuchas alrvaJssucks,"will perpeluate anxietyor sadness, lvill inevitablya{fectyour emoand tional state. trajts, Herc is a list of corrcsponding states, and moods. . . State:Love State: Fear . . . Trait; Loving or caring Trait: Fearful TraltrAngrv I . . !1ooc1: Euphoria Nloocl: Anxiety \'food: Irritable

The ]oy Will En{ but So Will the Pain

As lorr rvork throughthe exer.ises tlrisbook,I hopeyot l'ili rcmcrnbcr rn that emotion comesand 8oes. That'simportantto know because canhelp keepvotr from becoming it overlyexpectant feclgoodall oi the time.Suchexpectations to hevitablyieadto disappointment,and you mav even con,<ider yourselfa failurc at having tlte good life, as it lvere,and perhaps incluce unnecessary cmotional suffering. Conversely, rvhenvorlre clistraughtor dysregulatd, alrcadysuffering, and vou can reorurcl yourselftlrat vour pain lvill stopeventually. like the positive and pleasant emotions, painfuionesrvill the Just also end. Neitherpositivenor negativeemotions last forever. rvho $,ishes If you're a person tl'rey coulclfeelgooda1lcf the time,vou're not alone. But that'snot the orderof things, that'snot re:rliiy. Accepr those negalive tines along lvith the good ancipositive, because can'thaveoncwithout thc other.Justas thereis yorr night and day, thereis sadness happiness. biologicel and The componcnts cmottonand of theparis of your brain thatlet rou feelemotionand receiye of the importantrniormaali tion that comesthrough that svstemrequirethat you fecl bolh p'.rinand joy.