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August 11: Day With Creative Women

May 13
SAVE THE DATES August 26: Women’s Press Retreat & Fundraiser MOTHER’S DAY

Volume XXII, Number 3

May & June, 2007
A Publication of the
Women’s Community Center
of San Luis Obispo County
Voices, Views and Visions of the Women of San Luis Obispo County

National Organization
for Women

Women’s Stories

Voices Around the Table:
Memories of Mom & Dad

Local Perspectives

Women at Work

Body and Soul

Community Bulletins
Cover Art by Shirley Kirkes Mar

Resources for Women

Where to find the
Women’s Press
 Women’sPress Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

STANDING WOMEN The women of San Luis Obispo call upon
The brouhaha around Don Imus’ inap- the women of the world, from day-old babies
propriate comments and subsequent fir- to our most senior elders, to stand with us on
ing by CBS is timely given the new section
we are introducing in the paper this issue: May 13, 2007, to save the world.
Talk About It. The Imus issue has us talking
about how we have just let shock jocks spew We are standing for the world’s
their violent disrespectful statements onto
our airwaves and into our psyche without children and grandchildren,
calling for a more civil society. Ellen Good- and for the seven generations beyond them.
man called the incident “a stop sign in front We dream of a world where all of our children
of the speeding coarseness of the culture.”
have safe drinking water, clean air to breathe,
She also used a metaphor I liked, saying
that “if women are the canaries in this cul- and enough food to eat.
tural mineshaft, the official name over the A world where they have access to
mineshaft is incivility.” a basic education to develop their minds If you share this dream, join us
Our Talk About It section will bring to at 12:45 on Sunday, May 13,
and healthcare to nurture their growing bodies.
our awareness the many places and ways
that incivility—abuse—exists in our cul- A world where they have a warm, safe to stand in silence for five minutes
ture, with our section’s focus being on how and loving place to call home. at 1 PM in the Tranquility Garden,
women are targets and are affected. Those A world where they don’t live in fear of violence — the grassy patch between City Hall and
of us who conceived of the section believe
in their home, in their neighborhood, in their school the Little Theater, on Palm St. near Morro.
that if we don’t talk about it – don’t own
the problems – that they can’t change. or in their world. We ask you to invite the men and boys
The challenge and difficulty about any This is the world of which we dream. you care about to join you.
social change efforts are that they take This is the cause for which we stand. Please bring bells.
effort! Speaking up for what we believe,
which may mean telling someone that how
they said or did something is unacceptable,
takes courage and might leave you isolated
and rejected. In my mind, to act and speak For more information go to
for what we stand for is the highest good. STANDINGWOMEN.ORG
My hope is that “talking about it” will
or call Shana at 541.1736,
give us common ground on which to walk
toward a more civil society. Eve at 786.4541,
The next steps of growth for the Wom- or Bobbe at 541.6099
en’s Press is to get enough volunteers to help
us develop our website, database, and a
listserv—things that will enable us to keep
local women informed about events and
issues of particular interest to women. If
your skills, interests, and schedule allow,
$$$ Join our sales team! $$$
call me (474-6444) and we’ll work together

o you enjoy the Women’s Press? meet people in a different context and see
to bring the Press up to its potential as a
Would you like to learn new skills and our service as a win-win situation. Our rates
source of information and inspiration to
support this women’s publication and are very affordable and our commission
the women in our county.
For other volunteer opportunities, see
the Women’s Community Center? And earn fees give me a welcome added income for Women’s Community Center Board
some extra income? my efforts. (20% on all advertising, Angie King, President
elsewhere on this page.
And save the dates: We need sales reps. from all parts of including renewals and business profiles; Kathleen Deragon
• August 11 for Day With Creative the county, North Coast, North County, and 10% one-time development bonus for new Susan Howe
Women South County. We even distribute issues in accounts) It’s part time because our issues Jan Potter
• August 26 for 2nd Annual Women’s Santa Maria. are every two months and we can work as Robin Werderits
Press Retreat and Fundraiser You’ll have an opportunity to meet a team to share leads and ideas. If this
with business women and women-friendly sounds like something you would enjoy
Have a relaxing summer, businesses for mutual benefit. One of our please contact us.
special offers is to interview business own- Prior experience is not necessary.
ers/operators and create a human interest Contact Carol Dawn, Sales Rep
article about them and their services. I have 235-4960
found this to be lots of fun, an opportunity to

Women’s Community Center Contributors for publication-ready ads:
880 Industrial Way Beverly Engel Heather Mendel
San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 Jeannie Greensfelder Denise Nickeson Business card:
805.544.9313 Hilda Heifetz Berta Parrish $35/one issue $150/year (6 issues)
Charlene Huggins Adele Sommers 4" X 5":
Managing Editor: Kathleen Deragon Jacqueline Turner Laura Hyde $75/one issue $350/year (6 issues)
Assistant Editor: Amelia Free Angie King Marleen Walmsley Quarter page:
Layout & Design: Benjamin Lawless Dianne Legro Andrea Zeller $115/one issue $525/year (6 issues)
Photographer: Lynda Roeller Half page:
Distribution Manager: Paula Sigman Volunteers $190/one issue $850/year (6 issues)
Advertising Team: Carol Dawn, Ben Lawless Evelyn Adams Roberta Youtan Kay
Subscriptions: Full page: Tyler Aldrich Michele Kirk $350/one issue $1575/year (6 issues)
Ads: Barbara Atkinson Alyson Leblanc
Workshop Listings $35 an issue
(Put “ads” or “subscriptions” in subject line) Darya Boland Pam Logan 3.5” x 2” logo $10 extra
Nancy Booye Jacky Lopez
Submissions Welcomed! Rebecca Brown Elizabeth McGregor
Articles, essays, opinion pieces, letters, artwork, poetry Shaba Mohseni Business Profile: $149/Issue
Dee Carroll (Logo, Photo & 250 words)
wanted & appreciated. The Women’s Press reserves the Kate Czekala Trisha Oksner
right to edit all submissions for content, clarity & length.
Contact or call Bailey Drechsler Anne Quinn
Anne Dunbar Lynda Roeller Color Ads: Add 25%
805-544-9313. Ad Design/Layout available at an additional charge
The opinions expressed in the Women’s Press are those of the Maria Foster Shana Ross
Publication-ready defined as high-resolution
authors & do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Angela Henderson Renee Sanpei (minimum 300 dpi) digital files in one of the
Women’s Community Center. The Women’s Community Center Robin Werderits
does not necessarily endorse products or services advertised Margaret Hennessy following formats: .tif, .ai, .psd, .pdf, .jpg, or .eps
in the Women’s Press. Susan Howe Dawn Williams

6000 free copies distributed in SLO County. Subscriptions by mail & by e-mail available.
May & June 2007 | | Women’s Press Women’sPress 

Where to find Women’s Press

All SLO County Libraries and the following exceptionally fine establishments!
• NORTH COUNTY: Atascadero – The Coffee House and Deli, Starbuck’s at
SAVE THE DATE: Sunday, August 26
Von’s Plaza, Carlene’s Café, Green Goods, Player’s Pizza, Harvest Health Food Store,
North County Connection, Senior Center, Women’s Resource Center/Shelter Office;
Paso Robles – Cuesta College North Campus, Café Vio, Chelsea Bookshop/Café Novella,
Curves, Old Mission Coffee House, DK Donuts, Panolivo French Cafe, NCI Village
Thrift Shop, Paso Robles Health Foods; Templeton –  Magic Windows Coffee Café,
Twin Cities Hospital, Templeton Market & Deli; Santa Margarita– Santa Margarita
• NORTHERN COAST: Baywood – Coffee & Things; Cambria – Cambria Con-
nection, Cambria Pines Lodge, Chamber of Commerce, Gym One, La Crema, 7 Sis-
ters, Azevedo Chiropractic, Lilly’s, Alloco’s; Cayucos – Cayucos Super Market, Kelley’s
Espresso & Dessert, Ocean Front Pizza, Chevron Station, Chamber of Commerce; Los
Osos – Starbuck’s, Baywood Laundry, Cad’s, Carlock’s Bakery, Chamber of Commerce,
Copa de Oro, Garden Café, Los Osos Deli, Valley Liquor, Volumes of Pleasure; Morro
Bay – Backstage Salon, Coalesce Bookstore, Coffee Pot Restaurant, The Rock, Southern
Port Traders, Sunshine Health Foods, Two Dogs Coffee
• SAN LUIS OBISPO: Broad St. Laundry, Cool Cats Café, La Crepes, Edna Market,
Froggie’s, Art Café, Booboo Records, Creekside Center, GALA, Marigold Nails, Palm
Theatre, Susan Polk Insurance, Susan Rodriguez Insurance, Utopia Bakery, Unity Church,
Zoe Wells, Naturopath, Cal Poly Library, Center for Alternatives to Violence, Chamber
of Commerce, Cuesta College Library, EOC Health Services Clinic, HealthWorks, Heal-
ing Alternatives, Jamaca You, Karen Hale Chiropractic, Laguna Laundry, Linnaea’s, Mon-
terey Express, Natural Foods Coop, New Frontiers, Nautical Bean, Outspoken Beverage
Bistro, Phoenix Books, Planned Parenthood, Rudolph’s Coffee & Tea, San Luis Obispo
Housing Authority Office, SARP, The Secret Garden, SLO Perk Coffee, Spirit Winds
Therapy, The Studio Fitness for Women, Two Dogs Coffee, Uptown Cafe, Yoga Centre,
Ahshe Hair Salon, Apropos Clothing, Soho Hair Salon, Tom-Mel Beauty Center, Hemp- Second Annual Women’s Press Retreat and Fundraiser
shack, YMCA, KCBX, Fairchild Salon, Jaffa Café, Med Stop (Madonna Plaza) Gather the Women and Save the World:
• SOUTH COUNTY: Arroyo Grande – Natural Balance, Mongo’s, World Gym, Act II
Boutique, Andreini’s, Central Coast Yoga, CJ’s Restaurant, Country Kitchen, Curves- Caring for Our Spirit; Caring for Our Earth
AG, Cutting Edge, EOC Health Services Clinic, Family Chiropractic, Girls Restaurant,
Grande Whole Foods, Hunter’s Landing, Kennedy Club Fitness; Avila Beach– Custom
House, Sycamore Hot Springs, Inn at Avila, Avila Grocery; Grover Beach – World Gym, “We invite women to come together to celebrate women’s true
Back Door Deli, Cindi’s Wash House, Nan’s Pre-owned Books, Therapeutic Body Center, worth; to express our shared concern for our human family and
30-minute Fitness; Halcyon – Halcyon Store; Nipomo – Anna’s Creekside Coffee House, our earth; to learn from each other; and to take our inner
Healing Touch Spa, Curves, La Placita Market, Slender Lady, Brianna Nicole Spa, World
Gym; Pismo Beach – HealthWorks, Honeymoon Café, Pismo Athletic Club, Zadok’s; knowing to outer action so that we may live peacefully together
Shell Beach – De Palo & Sons Deli, Seaside Cafe, Steaming Bean in a balanced world.”
• SANTA MARIA: Café Monet, Hunter’s Landing, Library, Marian Medical Center,  
Curves on Main and on Broadway, The Bookworm, Lassen’s. Look for details after June 1 on the Women’s Press website:
• ORCUTT: Loading Dock, Café Ole

There are many ways to Artists! Craftswomen! Volunteers!

contribute to the Women’s Press! Participate in the
33rd Annual Day With Creative Women
ADVERTISE Saturday, August 11, 2007
Mission Plaza
Calling all Creative Women! The Women’s tainment, arts and crafts for display and
• Getting a monthly film series organized Community Center of San Luis Obispo sale, continuous entertainment, delicious
• Setting up a listserv County invites you to participate in the food, and children’s activities (crafts, face
• Developing a Community Calendar for our website 33rd annual Day with Creative Women. painting, and bounce house), and is a fund-
• Setting up a database This event draws over 2500 people from all raising event to benefit the Women’s Com-
• Outreach to other women’s organizations around the Central Coast and beyond, and munity Center of San Luis Obispo County,
• Working with distribution manager to increase locations and subscriptions features more than 70 vendors displaying dedicated to the empowerment of women.
• Contacting potential sponsors their own creative arts. Entertainment includes Fran Dukehart,
If you create art or handcrafted items, Francesca Nemko, and Grady Houser of
BRING US LEADS ON CONTENT: you are invited to display and sell your Triad, Karen Tyler, Sherrie O, Jill Knight.
works. Entertainers of all types are welcome For more information on volunteer
• Women to interview for our Unsung Heroine feature to perform throughout the day. Non-profit opportunities, entertainment, or booth
• Books to review organizations are invited to provide the space reservation, contact the Wom-
• Artists whose work you’d like to see on our cover community with information about your en’s Community Center at 805-544-9313,
• Local activities, persons, and issues our readers would be interested in knowing about services. Reserve your booth now! e-mail You can
• Ways local women are celebrating their lives and laughing together Day with Creative Women celebrates now load the vendor application from
women’s creativity with music and enter-
Contact 474-6444 or 305-9775 or

We Have The Power Introducing a new section
By Beverly Engel, M.F.T.

As women we have the power to band together to make our voices heard—to speak out
against violence toward women and children in all its manifestations.

treat them with respect and thus send the message that orro Bay resident Mary Norby came to me some
You decide to do something, perform one small action,
and suddenly it’s a tide, the momentum is going, and there’s they deserve to be treated well by men. We can provide our weeks ago and asked if the Women’s Press would
no possibility of turning back. Somehow, even though you sons with healthy fathers who show them by example how consider starting a column in which lesbian women
thought you foresaw all that would happen, you didn’t know to honor and respect women. could tell their stories. Her own granddaughter had a dis-
the pace would pick up so. — Amanda Cross As women, we can learn the red flags that signal that a tressing time when she “came out” and Mary believes if
man may be abusive. By learning these warning signs we there were more forums where lesbians could talk and

e all have the power to help decrease the level of can avoid bringing an abuser into our own lives or the lives we could listen, that coming out wouldn’t be so difficult .
violence in our community and in the world. If we of our children. As she asked me, “Why can’t we talk about it?” I knew we
begin with the premise that violence begins at home As women, we can reach out to support other women had a title, not just for a lesbian column, but for a whole
we can see that small starts, small actions can indeed cre- who have been abused—either emotionally, physically or section in the Press where we could cover issues that too
ate huge results. often create barriers between us because they are not easy
sexually. We can listen to their stories and offer emotional
It is our contention that women have the ability to play a or pleasant to talk about— in particular, violence against
and financial support. Instead of judging women who stay
particularly powerful role in allevi ating violence. women and children.
in abusive relationships, we can make the effort to support
As mothers, we have the power to raise boys who are My commitment to the new section, which we will,
them in gaining the strength to leave.
respectful of girls and women—boys who don’t take advan- indeed, call Talk About It, was strengthened when I heard
As women, we have the power to educate ourselves
tage of their superior physical strength but who protect and Angela Davis talk at Cal Poly on March 9. She gave the sta-
about the prevalence of violence in our community and
defend females from those who try. We have the power to tistic that, around the world, at least 1 in every 3 women
to educate others. Around the world at least 1 in every 3
raise girls who respect themselves enough to take care of will have been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise
women have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise
themselves—to be assertive when someone attempts to abused in her lifetime. Staggering. I asked myself, “Why
abused in her lifetime. Domestic violence is a national trag-
control them, to defend themselves when someone tries to does one gender of our species perform so much violence
edy of staggering proportions—up to six million women are
hurt them, and to tell others if either one of these strate- on the other half? What can we women do to prevent it? “
believed to be beaten in their homes each year; four million
gies don’t work. One of our regular contributors, Beverly Engel, is a
incidents are reported. And there is an epidemic of child
As mothers, we can do more than teach our children nationally known expert on abuse, so she and I have come
molestation spreading across the United States yet few
about good touch and bad touch. We can open the lines of up with the vision for Talk About It, and eventually—we
people are aware: 100,000 children are molested a year—1
communication between ourselves and our children so that hope—a community movement to stop violence against
in every 3 girls and 1 in every 4 boys.
sex can be talked about openly. We can talk to our children women and children. We will collaborate with other wom-
As women, we have the power to band together to make
very early on about sex in general and sexual abuse in par- en’s organizations that already work to prevent violence
our voices heard—to speak out against violence toward
ticular. against women or give women and children a safe haven.
women and children in all its manifestations. This sec-
As women, we can come out of denial about our own We are calling our movement WAVS: Women Aligned for
tion of Women’s Press is a beginning, a place from which
abuse experiences. We can tell our stories to others to help a Violence-free Society. (See mission statement on this
to start. We intend to let our voices be heard through our
educate and illuminate. We can reach out for the treatment page.)
articles, our stories and eventually, our programs. And by
we need so that we don’t pass the abuse on to our own We consciously chose not be Women Against anything
banding together with other organizations in the commu-
children. We can get the support we need so that we don’t but Women For something. Identifying what we all can
nity we plan on taking action that will not only be heard but agree on is more important and can lead more readily to
become romantically involved with men who abuse us or
felt. Please join us in our efforts. Every woman’s voice is solutions than taking oppositional positions. That is where
our children. Instead we can become powerful role models
important—every woman’s voice can add to the cacophony we can find common ground.
for our daughters—role models who marry good, healthy
of voices that can eventually create a shout that is heard — Kathleen
men. We can provide our daughters with loving fathers who
around the world.

Mission Statement
WAVS: Women Aligned for a Violence-free Society

ur mission is to create a community free of domes- We believe that the eradication of child abuse, domes-
tic and sexual violence. It is our belief that women tic violence, and the sexual assault of woman and chil-
can be the most powerful force in this endeavor. dren is within our power. Each and every one of us has
Our goal is to empower women to stand up and speak out the power to make a significant difference in the lives of
against the violence (emotional, physical, and sexual) that women and children around us.
is directed at our children and at women. Although we To this end, we will be devoting a section in each issue
accept and appreciate the support of good men who also of the Women’s Press to the subject of domestic vio-
stand against domestic violence and sexual abuse against lence, child abuse, and sexual assault against women. We
women and children, we feel that as women we have a also plan on presenting a powerful and innovative pro-
unique perspective and a powerful voice in the eradication gram designed to educate, illuminate, and empower every
of these forms of violence. woman in our community to become a strong force in stop-
ping these forms of violence.

Why?? We’re Here, We’re...

By Mary Norby By Sarah Deragon

he is bright. She is articulate. irst off, I want to state that I am eternally grateful to My identity as a queer person demands new attentiveness
She was in all the high school stage my mother and editor of the Women’s Press Kathleen in my daily life and the same is true for those closest to me. I
productions. She volunteered in the com- Deragon, and Mary Norby for creating this column. My received many different reactions from my friends and family when
munity. She took all of the advanced placement hope for this column is that it becomes a space in which I came out. A few of them were devastated, and those I thought
classes. queer, lesbian, and bisexual women share their stories of would disown me actually offered me unconditional love and sup-
She is gay. struggle, survival, empowerment, and creative endeavors—that port. If someone close to you comes out, I highly recommend
She “came out” in her last half year of her it will be a column that also seeks to educate. that you educate yourself before saying something that you could
high school senior year. She took part in the gay As the first contributor to this column, I want to say that I regret. When a queer person tells you that they are out means that
activities on the campus. She was abandoned identify as queer. Why identify as “queer,” you say? The word they want to build the capacity to have a closer relationship with
by her social peer group. She was on suicide queer has a resoundingly negative history in which it was you. Thankfully, the resources for families and friends of queer
watch for six weeks. She never returned to her used to describe someone who was abnormal or unusual. In people on the Internet and in print are vast, so please take advan-
school. this short space I cannot begin to excavate the histories that tage.
She went on to her freshman year at Mt. created this unfavorable definition. But I do know that queer Every queer woman’s coming out story is worthy of hearing,
Holyoke College on a scholarship. Her comment is now an empowering word used by bisexuals, transgender, and if you know a queer woman, I implore you to ask her to tell
on arriving at Mt. Holyoke was, “It feels very intersex, lesbians, and gays to describe themselves. Salvaging you hers. In fact, if you know someone who has a friend or family
safe here, a feeling that I haven’t had in a very the word queer from its unfavorable connotation is one of the member who knows someone queer, ask them about their experi-
long time. It’s good to know that I don’t have to many things that queers have done for this society. I hear we ence as well. Engaging in conversations with people who identify
be constantly editing my words or hiding my self also throw fabulous parties! as queer (or who know/love someone who is) is a powerful tool to
for fear of God knows what. Living a political existence as a queer woman is a most gain new understandings and disrupt problematic knowledge pro-
I read it, and I cried. I am her grandmother. I excellent thing to do, and I will contend that politicizing one’s duction. I want to mark that there is no uniform way to be queer
read it over again. I ask why? identity is easier than I ever thought. I think that the most nor is there any uniform way to show up as an ally, but to act ethi-
important thing any gay woman can do is come out of the cally and at least try could make all the difference in someone’s
closet. Coming out of the closet is not something that happens life. In closing, I would ask the readers of this article to think about
just one time; it is an ongoing process. the different ways you can engage in ethical conversations with
queer people about what faces them everyday.
Stories of Strength, Hope and Healing

My Story
By Beverly Engel
The Column That Counts
Stats on the Abuse of Women

should have become a criminal, a prostitute, or a patient in a

mental hospital. I came close to being all three. n spite of a great deal of public education, we are still
I should have become a criminal because the sexual dealing with a huge problem when it comes to the abuse
abuse I experienced at nine years old and the rape I suffered of women. Statistics tell us that women continue to be
at twelve filled me with such rage that I acted out against soci- abused in record numbers. For example:
ety in numerous ways, including hanging out with “bad boys”  The American Medical Association estimates that
and shoplifting. over 4 million women are victims of severe assaults by boy-
I should have become a prostitute because the man who friends and husbands each year.
molested me taught me to trade my body for attention, pres-  Around the world, at least 1 in every 3 women
ents, and root beer floats. He taught me that my only worth have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in
was to give men sexual pleasure. her lifetime.
I should have become a patient in a mental hospital  Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent)
because the emotional abuse and neglect I experienced from report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or
my mother nearly drove me crazy and the sexual abuse almost boyfriend at some point in their lives.
finished the job.  Approximately 1 in 5 female high school
The point is that my emotionally and sexually abusive child- students report being physically and/or sexually
hood wounded my soul and caused deep psychological dam- abused by a dating partner.
age and that because of this – and in spite of this – I am who  Three in four women (76 percent) who
I am today. reported they had been raped and/or physically
The neglect I experienced made me feel unwanted, unlov- assaulted since age 18 said that a current or for-
able, and unacceptable to society. mer husband, cohabitating partner, or date com-
The emotional abuse I experienced from my mother caused mitted the assault.
me to doubt my perceptions, to be self-critical and critical of  Nearly one-fifth of women (18 percent)
others. It created a rage inside of me that I turned against reported experiencing a completed or attempted rape
my mother, myself and others. It caused me to rebel against at some time in their lives.
authority figures. It devastated my self-esteem.  Annually in the U.S., 503,485 women are
The sexual abuse I experienced created a deep sense of stalked by an intimate partner.
shame inside me. I felt as if I had a huge mark on me that told  Seventy-eight percent of stalking victims
everyone there was something wrong with me. It caused me to are women.
act out sexually, first by passing the abuse on to other children
and then by becoming a promiscuous adult.
Every survivor’s story is different and yet at the same time
every story is the same. We all suffered fear, pain, humilia-
tion, and shame. Some of us dealt with our shame by turning
it into rage and others carried our shame with us throughout Peace
our lives. I did both. Some of us had children and worked hard Artwork by Jessica Greenwalt
to not pass on the abuse we experienced. Others, like myself,
decided not to have children out of fear of passing it on. Some

ccording to the dictionary, peace is
tried desperately to maintain a relationship with their abusive “the normal freedom from civil com-
parent(s) while others, like myself, ended up temporarily or motion and violence.” Unfortunately,
even permanently separating from them. in many cases, peace isn’t as “normal”
I’ll never know who I might have become had I not been as anyone would like.
abused. But I do know that, because of the abuse, I developed A solid first step in beginning to
some extremely positive qualities. Because of my experiences bring peace to our surroundings is to
I developed a great deal of empathy and compassion for other find the strength in oneself to rise
people who have suffered. I started helping others as early as above pain and cruelty. I painted
high school. I became a Big Sister to a mentally retarded child a woman releasing a dove as a
and I became involved with an outreach program sponsored reminder that struggle can only be solved
by our local Y.W.C.A. for the adolescents in our local mental with peace.
Because I survived such a horrible childhood, I developed
resilience and stamina that helped me weather other difficul-
ties in life. Since I had suffered so much in childhood, I wanted
to create a better life for myself and this provided me with the
motivation to put myself through college. And because of my
abuse experiences, I became very realistic about what humans
are capable of.
How You Can Make A Difference
Not all survivors become more empathetic toward oth- By Beverly Engel
ers— in fact, some close off their hearts and are unable

to feel the suffering of others. Not every survivor develops t doesn’t take a lot of time or money for you to join
strength— some are broken by the experience. And some sur- the movement for a violence-free society. In each
vivors remain in denial and become blind to the abuse of their issue of the Women’s Press we will offer sugges-
own children. But all those who suffered abuse as a child are tions as to how you can begin. We welcome your sug-
indeed survivors with unique and often outstanding qualities. gestions as well.
Although my life has been shaped by my abuse experi- 1. Don’t close yourself off from topics like abuse
ences, I don’t consider my story to be a tragic one. In fact, I or homosexuality just because they make you feel
consider my life story to be one of hope and healing. I truly uncomfortable. Instead, look a little closer at why top-
believe that, had I not been abused, my life may not have been ics such as these make you feel uneasy.
as interesting. I wouldn’t have become a therapist who special- 2. A lot of people don’t know what to do when they
ized in working with survivors of abuse. I wouldn’t have written see a mother yelling at, berating or hitting her children
19 self-help books, mostly about surviving abuse. I may not in a public place like a supermarket. In most cases,
have traveled around the world as much as I have and met so the best thing to do is simply talk to the mother in a
many interesting people. And I certainly would not have had supportive way. Say something like, “It looks like you
a life that is as meaningful as mine has been. For my life has have your hands full. It can be stressful trying to man-
been dedicated to my own healing and the healing of others. It age children while you’re trying to get things done.” In
has been about gaining understanding about why people hurt this way you distract her and help her to calm down.
one another and why and how shame and abuse gets passed But you also validate her experience (raising children
on in families. It has been about learning how to have com- What We’ll Be Talking About is the hardest job there is and managing kids while
passion for others and myself and how to forgive others and you’re in public is incredibly difficult). You also send
myself. I am a much wiser, deeper, more compassionate per- In future issues, we will be discussing such topics as: a subtle but often effective message that others are
son than I would have been had I not been abused.  Media messages to young women regarding body image watching her. Of course, there are times when a moth-
 Subtle verbal violence in TV and print media er’s behavior is so blatantly abusive that you need to
If you were abused as a child (either emotionally, physi-  Older women and poverty report her.
cally or sexually), you have your own story to tell. We want to  Use of women’s bodies to sell anything in advertising 3. Don’t allow others to pressure you into marriage
hear your story. We want to witness your pain. But we also  Abuse women will suffer as soldiers return home or having a child if you know you aren’t ready. This is
want to hear about your strength and hope and healing. Send  Pay discrimination in the workplace especially important for those of you who were abused
your story to or Women’s Press, as a child. Make sure you have healed your childhood
c/o Women’s Community Center, 880 Industrial Way, San Luis wounds before you marry or have children—otherwise
Obispo, 93401. (Your name does not have to be printed.) you risk doing to others what was done to you.
 NOWNews Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

This Page Presented by the National Organization for Women

The purpose of NOW is to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society NOW !

Coordinator’s Corner A movement working toward a family-friendly America

By Angie King
Just in Time for Mother’s Day – MomsRising!!
The invasion of Iraq and its aftermath is
still with us, and in addition to the daily According to various studies recently pub- care organizations, parenting groups, the
reports of violence and death there, and lished, women without children make 90 faith community, and many other organiza-
the sorry state of veterans’ care at home, cents to a man’s dollar, mothers make 73 tions which have aligned missions to build
there is also the largely untold story of vio- cents, and single mothers make about 60 a family-friendly America. NOW is one of
lence against the women in our armed ser- cents to a man’s dollar; mothers are 44% those groups.
vices. According to the Pentagon (who has less likely to be hired than equally qualified In the 9 months since starting up last
been keeping track of these cases for only non-mothers, and are offered an average of June, the MomsRising membership has
3 years), the number of reported cases of $11,000 lower starting salaries. gone from 0 to nearly 90,000 people.
sexual assault has increased steadily, 2006 For MomsRising, a new grassroots Here’s the Program. Drawing from
NOW Chapter # CA 565
almost 25% more than 2005, but only a web-based movement, this discrimination the organizing model (and
PO Box 1306, SLO, CA 93406
third of those reported cases result in any against motherhood begins to explain why co-founded by Joan Blades, co-founder of
consequences for the perpetrators. And there are so many women and children liv-, the MomsRising program is
that’s just the reported cases. Women in ing in poverty, and why there are so few ambitious:
the military are told to suck it up, don’t women in leadership. • Organize through the web NOW Calendar
endanger the mission, and all sorts of other MomsRising is working toward cul- • Leverage the collaborative power of
patriotic responses to their charge of sex- tural and political change to build a more existing organizations May 1
ual assaults, so that actual assaults are more family-friendly America. It is non parti- • Recruit new organizational and grass- • International Workers’ Day
likely 10 times the reported number. When san, welcoming aligned organizations with roots supporters, many of which have May 1
honoring the military on Memorial Day a similar mission, including some of the not previously partnered on family • Birthday of Mary Harris “Mother
this year, let’s not forget what war does to nation’s strongest women’s organizations, issues Jones”, labor activist, 1830
ordinary humans living under unworldly family advocacy groups, mother’s organiza- May 14
conditions. It’s time to find another solu- tions, child advocacy groups, unions, health Continued in Rising, pg. 7 • Mother’s Day (see article)
tion to conflict! May 15
• Birthday of Florence Nightingale, 1858
The big NOW event this spring was
the state NOW convention in San Diego,
Reproductive Rights May 15
focusing on examining the walls (real and By Angie King • NOW regular meeting, 6 PM
metaphorical) we place around ourselves. The big news in April, sandwiched between Justice Kennedy writing for the majority May 22
There were great workshops, lots of lively Alberto Gonzalez’s lapses of memory in seemed to focus on his personal belief that • Amelia Earhart flies Pacific Ocean solo,
discussion, and a renewal of spirit for the Senate and the Virginia Tech massacre, a woman who aborts a pregnancy will inev- 1932
the year ahead, as well as a time to renew was the Supreme Court’s decision in a pair itably feel such great remorse that it is his May 23
friendships with NOW members all over of cases challenging a law banning a spe- duty to prevent her suffering by preventing • Birthday of Aileen Hernandez, former
the state. We’ll be reporting on the con- cific type of late-term abortion procedure, her from aborting in the first place. Doc- NOW president, 1926
vention at our next meeting, May 15 and the intact extraction. The problem is that tors are upset that the court has substituted May 28
making plans to take action on some of the with all the rhetoric and multiple opinions its political position in place of a medical • Equal Pay Act enacted, 1963
activities proposed by the presenters. Come in these cases, decided only by one vote (5- decision between a patient and her doctor.
learn about NOW’s immigration reform 4), no one is quite sure what they mean. We should all be concerned that this “origi- June is Pride Month
initiative, reproductive justice coalitions, Analysts for major pro-choice groups are nal intent” Court has become an arbiter of June 11
information on sex slaves, and more. still reviewing the language; media pundits social policy instead of making a legal deci- • First woman promoted to Army gen-
On the horizon: Pride Day in the Plaza have come down on both sides of the argu- sion based on precedent. eral, 1970
(July 8); National NOW convention in ment: whether the decision forecloses Roe Congress can overrule the Court by pass- June 19
Detroit (July 12-14); Day with Creative or not, whether there is anything positive ing federal legislation countering the deci- • Juneteenth, anniversary of the Emanci-
Women (August 11); Women’s Equality to glean from the language, etc. It appears sion, but that is unlikely to happen soon, pation Proclamation
Day (August 26). Mark your calendars for that only one specific procedure was made with the presidential election campaign June 19
August 25 – the date of a huge celebration illegal, graphically described by the court in already in full swing and with the Iraq inva- • NOW regular meeting, 6 PM
march in support of women’s suffrage in its opinion. However, the justices seemed sion still foremost in peoples’ minds. In the June 21
Sacramento, complete with white dresses to take great pains to conclude that the meantime, we can hope that doctors will • WNBA first professional women’s bas-
and horses, just like the 1913 march in basic right to terminate a pregnancy was continue to treat women on a case-by-case ketball season opened, 1997
Washington DC, so well depicted in Iron still intact. Constitutional questions still basis and not be intimidated by the bul- June 22
Jawed Angels. If there is sufficient interest, abound, however, about whether the deci- lies on the right. When abortion was illegal • Birthday of Sen. Dianne Feinstein,
we can rent a bus and make a road trip! sion trumps any particular state’s more altogether, doctors still performed abor- 1933
expansive, more liberal law, such as Califor- tions; they just called it something else. June 23
nia. We heard at the state NOW convention Many have stated they will continue to save • Title IX, banning sex discrimination in
that pro-choice groups are contemplating a women’s lives despite these decisions. There education enacted 1972
lawsuit in California to challenge that asser- will be much more analysis in the coming June 28
tion. months. Stay tuned. • NOW founded, 1966
May & June 2007 | | Women’s Press Women’sStories 

Practical Mysticism? Nurturing Environments

By Jeanie Greensfelder
By Hilda Heifetz
I’d always wanted to write, but easily got
disheartened with my lack of skills until I
This Small Place
By Carla Martinez Reidel
joined a writers group that encouraged my
first drafts and later offered learning sugges-
tions when I could receive them. You only get to know a little bit of earth:
I recalled the importance of that nur- Outline it carefully with the tip of your finger,
turing experience when I read Thoreau’s the way you skim the skin of a lover under sheets,
description of a farm couple having tea on feeling a spark travel through your body.
an aged wooden table.  They heard a tiny
scratching noise and soon an insect emerged Mark this space with the length of your vision,
During my life, there have been very real
from inside the oak table.  An egg, warmed the width of seeing where you won’t miss a thing.
but unaccountable influences to deal with.
by the teapot, had awakened.  Thoreau sug-
They shape our very existence and are
gested that each of us harbor our own eggs You’ll recognize the ghosts of everyone
unforgettable—even awe-inspiring. Such
that await the right circumstances to hatch, you’ve known, hear voices
happenings cause us to listen with respect
inviting us to the winged life.
when others share similar experiences. One tell stories in leaves and stones.
D. W. Winnicott, a British psychoana-
of my Mother’s true stories about my older
lyst, taught that infants need a good hold-
brother comes to mind. Your body explains the gentle lift of wind in this region.
ing environment to flourish.  A holding
He was born in 1911, when infants
environment includes loving parents or
were referred to as “blue babies,” due to a How you move shatters sunlight
friends who provide appreciation, stabil-
heart problem. And in those days, it wasn’t on the ground, and all things fragile fall.
ity, and reliability.  Those qualities promote
unusual for doctors to find they were unable Right here. Now.
growth into adulthood.
to be of help. Though the doctor gave up
I look for friends and groups who
on my brother, my Mother wouldn’t and
encourage mutual egg warming.
didn’t . . . ! She decided to look outside of
 What experiences warm your heart?
the field of science and medicine.
She had a neighbor in the New York City
apartment house who was referred to (not
very kindly) as a “witch.” Actually, she was
a follower of the teachings of the Kabalah,
a form of mystical Judaism. My Mother, as
Continued from pg. 6
filing (discrimination against mothers
long as I knew her, was somewhat tuned in in hiring).
to similar beliefs and regularly visited the • Over 600 articles and reports on the
• Provide education and model legisla-
Chasidic community (prospering even now) issues that MomsRising covers--from
tion for state and national legislators
in Brooklyn. So it was hardly a leap of faith the need for healthcare to cover all
• Hold elected officials accountable
for her to consult her neighbor about sav- children, to the reasons paid family
for their positions on family-friendly
ing the life of my brother, named at birth leave will help new parents, to child-
“Joseph Isaac.” For example, care issues and more—have been cov-
• Promote change in the private sector,
The neighbor listened carefully, worked • This spring, members sent thousands ered by radio, television, blogging, and
over the information my Mother shared, of e-mail letters to Congress to support print outlets across the country. From
• Proactively conduct media outreach,
meditated for a time, and then instructed the Healthy Families Act. the New York Times, “Mom’s Mad.
public education, and outreach to key
my Mother a follows: • Washington state members sent over And She’s Organized” to CNN Money,
traditional and non-traditional constit-
First, you must change his name. (In 2,500 e-mail letters asking their state “Moms rise up, fight for workplace
the Kabalah, a person’s name contained a legislators to move a Paid Family and rights: Mothers, fed up with work-life
What MomsRising Stand For. The gen-
portion of his destiny. One doesn’t, there- Medical Leave Insurance policy out of balance options, join Moms Rising
esis of MomsRising lies in the sharing of
fore, name a newborn after a living person committee (they did). to seek reforms,” and to all the local
mothers’ stories, collected in the Mother-
who might then be deprived of fulfilling • Massachusetts members sent over 300 papers and bloggers, the word is get-
hood Manifesto, which has become the ral-
the purpose of his life.) So following the letters to state legislators to support ting out.
lying call for the movement. From these
neighbor’s advice, my parents re-named my paid sick days, an unprecedented num- How You Can Get Involved
stories, MomsRising has identified core
brother “David Irving,” the name all of us ber there. • Check out the web site (where the
issues which not coincidentally, spell out
knew him by. (I have since seen his original • In partnership with the Progressive information for this article came from
name on the issued birth certificate.) States Network, MomsRising made –
M - Maternity/Paternity Leave: Paid
Second, you must, with a string, mea- contact with 1500 state legislative lead- • View the Manifesto online or down-
family leave for all parents after a new child
sure the outline of the baby’s body, and ers covering all 50 states, sending them load the book
comes into the family.
then take the string to some secret hiding a menu of model family-friendly legis- • Sign up to get e-mails
O - Open Flexible Work: Give parents
place to bury it. (This was to give up the lation, with multiple options of sample • Contribute your own story through
the ability to structure their work hours
flawed body (symbolically) and allow a new legislation. They also received a copy the blogs
and careers in a way that allows them to
body to be formed.) My father did that. of the book Motherhood Manifesto and • Have a house party.
meet both business and family needs. This
Third, you are to sell him to another the documentary film on DVD. Check
includes flexible work hours and locations,
family. (This was to create a different family out the model legislation package
part-time work options, as well as the abil-
environment for the unfolding of his life.) at:
ity to move in and out of the labor force to The first house party to screen the
My Mother sold him, again symbolically, momsaction
raise young children without penalties. Motherhood Manifesto film was in
for a penny . . . ! • When a woman was kicked off an air-
T - TV We Choose and Other After-
Which brings me to the circumstance plane for breastfeeding, MomsRis- Washington, D.C. last fall, hosted
School Programs: Give families safe, edu-
that moved my Mother to share with me ing members responded, gathering by Senator Hillary Clinton, along
cational opportunities for children after the
this incredible true story. For we were sit- over 20,000 petition signatures in a
ting at the beach in Rockaway New York,
school doors close for the day, including: with Senators Obama, Dodd, and
• Create a clear and independent uni- few short days. Delta Airlines and its
many years later, when Mother pointed to a subsidiary airline then apologized to Kennedy. “Despite all the rhetoric
versal television rating system for par-
woman sitting on the sand a short distance the family, improved their training of about being family-friendly, we have
ents with technology that allows them
away. employees, and are considering sup- structured a society that is decidedly
to choose what is showing in their own
“See that woman over there,” she porting the Breastfeeding Promotion
homes; unfriendly... What’s missing now is a
announced. “I sold your brother Dave to Act in Congress.
• Support quality educational program- movement. What’s missing now is an
her for a penny when he was a new baby.” • As a result of film screenings of the
ming for kids;
Would my Mother have preferred to Motherhood Manifesto, a group of organization. That’s why MomsRis-
• Increase access to, and funding, for
leave it at that? However, I begged her to women and organizations in Pennsyl-
after school programs. ing is so important.” said Senator
tell me more and she gave me the above vania (including NOW) have come
H - Healthcare for All Kids: Provide Obama that evening.
account. together to work to end Maternal Pro-
quality, universal healthcare to all children.
You might want to know that, when we
E - Excellent Childcare: Quality, afford-
celebrated my brother’s eightieth birthday
able childcare should be available to all
in Jacksonville, Florida, in 1991, I asked the
parents who need it. Childcare providers
family if they knew how wonderful it was
should be paid at least a living wage and
that he reached this ripe age. It turned out
healthcare benefits.
they never knew the story. My brother lis-
R - Realistic and Fair Wages: Two full-
tened as if for the first time. He never let us
time working parents should be able to earn
know if he ever knew the story or if he pre-
enough to adequately care for their family.
ferred to keep it to himself.
In addition, working mothers must receive
We all realize that people are often reluc-
equal pay for equal work.
tant to share “far out” experiences . . . they
What Has Already Been Done. MomsRis-
are more comfortable with what can be
ing has already made strides towards these
explained. I, for one, like real-life mystery
stories, especially when, like this one, they
have a happy ending!
 Women’sStories Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

Marianne Kennedy:
Passion Creating Purpose
By Berta Parrish

Most people hope for a challenging and

rewarding career. We would love to be
paid for doing what we love. Pursuing such
invigorating vocations, amateurs turn pro-
fessional and hobbyists become entrepre-
neurs. With all the many possibilities, who
would choose domestic violence? Thank-
fully, Marianne Kennedy did.
After earning a Master’s degree in psy-

Shirley Kirkes Mar

chology in her forties and volunteering
at a domestic violence shelter in Oceans-
ide, CA, Marianne served as Children’s
Program Coordinator at a shelter in Lan- This month’s cover artist
caster, becoming the Director of the Wom-
an’s Shelter Program of San Luis Obispo Painting is dance to me. I choreograph ally don’t know if I have much to do with
County in 1986. Under her twenty years of the lines, placement, and colors. I gather it. I relate my journey as an artist the same
leadership, the Woman’s Shelter Program an idea, photograph my subject, make a way I developed knowledge, experience,
has grown from 3.5 staff members to 27 and Contribute to the community. In mistake, and fight my way to the finish. I and style as a dancer. Talent, perseverance,
from a $130,000 to a $1.5 million annual addition the extensive responsibilities of love the way a so-called mistake guides and and tenacity drive the machine. Like dance,
budget. her position, Marianne serves as board evolves the piece. It’s all so magical. I actu- I must paint or practice my art daily.
What keeps her optimistic and excited president for the Pacific Light Opera The-
to work in a field that could be considered atre and serves on the Housing Trust Fund
overwhelming and depressing? Her coun- Commission, which helps develop afford-
termeasures apply to all of us, as we cope able housing especially for people with spe-
with our various professional and personal cial needs. She is also a board member for
challenges. the Legal Alternatives Corporation which
Focus on the positive. Marianne stresses provides free legal services for low income
three inspirational sources that consistently families. These volunteer commitments
reward her efforts: 1) the strength and cour- broaden her interests and give her a chance
age of the women and men overcoming to serve the greater SLO community.
adversity; 2) the openness and resilience of Believe in a cause. Although the judicial
the children; and 3) the kindness and gen- system tends to blame the victim and popu-
erosity of the community. She says “I see lar culture desensitizes us to violence, Mari-
the worst side of human nature, especially anne believes that progress has been made.
between people who say they love each More people consider domestic violence a
other. But I also see the best side, which far crime and know about the social services
outweighs the negative.” available to assist families. Working in this
Cultivate a creative outlet. With her area is like “planting seeds. It’s a slow pro-
husband, David Baumgarten, Marianne cess requiring lots of patience.” However,
is co-producing feature films. Their first, she adds, “If you believe in something,
Melinda’s World, is based on a novel that anything can happen. I believe that people
she wrote and is available on Netflix®. Set in want to be good.”
the 1950s, the film is about a young girl who At 70, Marianne still loves her job and
escapes her repressive family through music is not anticipating retirement. She advises About the artist:
and art. The couple is currently editing a everyone to “go after what you’re passionate
film based on the Robert Nathan novel So about. You don’t know where it will lead. “Energetic, enthusiastic and adventure- lets with such stars as: Steve Martin, Carol
Loves Returns that they will soon be taking You’re never too old to go back to school or some are characteristics that describe Shir- Burnett, Michael J. Fox, Bernadette Peters,
to film festivals. to pursue your passion.” ley Kirkes Mar’s art. Her work, which she and Henry Winkler. She studied in south-
describes as “expressionist,” exemplifies fas- ern California at the Art Studio in Santa
cination with and reverence for the figura- Monica.
tive form. She uses bold strokes and colors Shirley has been one of twelve artists
to imbue her subjects with both motion and selected to paint for the SLO Mozart Fes-
emotion. The suggestion of music uncon- tival 2006 and 2007. At present the off-
sciously resonates from each painting. You Broadway hit show, “Menopause The
can feel a dancer or animal engage in a real- Musical” has chosen her self-portrait to
istic participation of a dramatic moment. travel with the musical. Shirley’s works have
The sustained, pervasive sense of time, also been bought or rented for television
the tilt of the head, the body extension, series and movies; most recently the series
breathes life into the awareness of physi- “Lost” and “Two and a Half Men”, and the
cal talent. Many of Kirkes Mar’s paintings movie “Freedom Rider”.
have been moments of choreography from A mother of two and grandmother of
her original ballets. Dancing became Kirkes three, Kirkes Mar now shares her life with
Mar’s way of life from the age of 7, when husband, Jeff Mar. Formerly a sound edi-
she started taking dance lessons to reme- tor and composer for film and television,
diate a crippling injury. (Funny how later, Mar worked with his wife writing music for
another injury took dance away, and put art their ballet company. Now as a team they
in its place.) At 18, she left her Texas home are using their musical talents to develop
to pursue a career in New York, Chicago, new works. Kirkes Mar values her gifts as
Los Angeles, and international venues. She an artist, as much as she valued her gift of
became a featured dancer on television dance; so putting dance on canvas seems to
shows and in movies for many years. Shir- be the most natural thing to do.”
ley choreographed comedy as well as bal-
May & June 2007 | | Women’s Press Voices 

Voices Around the Table: What is your favorite memory of your mom or dad?
Jill Turnbow Lynne Levine Jeanie Greensfelder
Comedian/Actress A few days before my college graduation Each February Mother rolled, spindled,
My mother used to love to stand on her in Washington, D.C. my Mom came to and perforated Pillsbury dough with her
head.  We never knew why.  But once when sightsee.  She stayed with me in my col- dreams of winning the bake-off.
I was in the 7th grade, she came home lege dormitory room and forgot all about We children were her tasters.
from a formal dinner dance in her chiffon sightseeing - she hung out with me and my Not unlike the joke about men
gown with 50 dollars in her hand.  She said, friends and became just “one of the girls” on a camp-out who agreed
“Look what I won!  They bet me 50 bucks I and she loved it! that whoever complained
wouldn’t climb on a table and stand on my about the cooking became the
head.  Easy money!”   I was both horrified Kathleen Deragon cook, we grimaced, but fearful
and in awe.  My mother was a riot. We ate a lot of hot fudge sundaes while of her reaction, said, “We love
  I was growing up—because my mother it, we love it.”
Kathryn Brewer couldn’t get fudge to harden. It was a phe- Pillsbury judges agreed
“My dad was a very compassionate man nomenon we still cannot explain. She tried with us. Undaunted, my
and an avid gardener.  He was particularly every recipe she could find and even the mother entered jingle con-
proud of his state-of-the-art compost pile never-fail ones failed for her. Once she even tests. Like the mother in the
complete with recently mail-ordered spe- had an unbelieving neighbor bring over her film, Prize Winner of Defiance,
cialized worms.  One Kansas spring day favorite recipe and watch as my mother Ohio, she racked up a televi-
when I was seven or eight, I found a nest measured the ingredients, put them in the sion, a mystery-fur collared coat,
of three baby birds, newly fluffed, that had pan, heated them up, and monitored the and a shopping spree--all she could
been dislodged from its tree home.  The candy thermometer. Baffled, the neigh- basket at the supermarket in four min-
mother would not come near.  I knew I had bor sat down as mom offered her a bowl of utes. We enjoyed the dry run to the A &
to save the birds, but how?  Then I remem- ice cream topped with another failed fudge P to evaluate the most expensive items, but
bered “the worms.”  attempt. I recalled all of this recently when soon tired of canned ham that winter.
 I will never forget the look on my dad’s I was going through old photos to put in The high spot of her career was win-
face when he came home from work and a memory book for Mom’s 80th birthday ning a car she couldn’t claim. After Mother
my mother spilled the beans about my party. There was a photo of her in teased submitted her verse, Viv, my married sister
intervention into Mother Nature.  He was hair in a flip, victorious smile on her face, dropped by. Viv didn’t like Mom’s entry but band’s name, and a month later Fred won a
obviously so torn between being proud of holding a pan of fudge at a 90º angle, prov- found a discard in the wastebasket which Ford Mustang.
me for caring about the birds and furious ing that at least once she had managed to she loved. Viv entered it under her hus-
that I had sacrificed his expensive worms, cut and not pour her fudge for all to enjoy.
that he did nothing.  Later he taught me
what to do if I ever found baby birds again,
and my mother dealt with me for stealing
One of Mom’s Funnier Moments
the worms.”  by The Plastic Heiress, Barbara Atkinson

As my mother has aged, she’s lost a lot of that it would join my other discoveries:
her sight, but not her wits, although this the plethora of plastic tubs collected over
story may belie that. When I came to SLO the years from tub-butter, cream cheese,
and started to care for my mother after my cottage cheese, deli treats, etc. that took
father died, a curious thing began to hap- up two full cabinets! Then, over the next
pen. At the time, there was a two-cushion month, thinking I was already rich in plas-
sofa in the large kitchen/dining area of her tic, I was amused to find stashes of little-
nicely appointed condo. It was an old and to-tiny plastic bags flattened under files in
small sofa-bed whose metal coils and rods the large desk drawer, more under the desk
were only good for torturing the mean and mat, under other chair pillows, and in her
unkind or a guest you never wanted. After bedroom chest of drawers.
a few minutes of sitting on this sofa, the There was more plastic storage in the
cushion and I would invariably begin to garage – the bubble-wrap and foam from
slide off at a slow, measured pace, landing seemingly every item she’d ever purchased.
on the floor if not curtailed. Every time This garage plastic joined a stack of boxes
this happened, I would tell my mother that taking up a fourth of the garage that once
I think she needed a new sofa – this one no housed appliance and catalog purchases she
Roberta’s mother is in the second row from the top, second in on the left. longer served its purpose -- but it fell on now owned, and two oversized hooks from
deaf ears. where large handled paper bags were hung.
Roberta Youtan Kay older than my dad so she absolutely HAD One day I got up to examine this unwel- I began the plastic purge, knowing that if
My mother was 39 years old, one month to keep this quiet! When my mom turned coming sofa, carefully removing the cush- a certain size of plastic bag was needed and
shy of 40, when she had me. However, 65 years old, however, and she found out ions. What should I find but an unending couldn’t be found, I’d never be forgiven.
my father didn’t know her real age. On that she could start collecting Social Secu- supply of flattened plastic bags of every But the need never arose. I managed to
my birth certificate, she listed her age as rity, she finally told him the truth. I always shape and size – at least a hundred of them! lower the box count, but lost ground to
34. My father was 37. In 1941, it was a real wondered why dates were ripped off of pic- No wonder the cushion was sliding. My my mother’s complaints about getting
stigma for a woman to have gotten married tures and so many documents were miss- mother said you never knew when you rid of some the bubble wrap or the handled
so late in life and since she was 32 years old ing! Even her elementary school picture, would need one. How many years had my paper bags – after all, you never know...
when she did, she kept her real age a secret which is so meaningful to me, has a huge parents (and their friends) been living with They’re still there. And oh, if you need
from my father for more than 30 years! To rip in the bottom of it! this “sliding couch”. I laughed and laughed any, please, let me know. It will make my
make things even worse, she was 2 years telling her this would be my inheritance, mother feel good.
10 LocalPerspectives Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

BookReview Single-Payer Insurance:

An Rx for California’s Ailing Health Care System
By Donna Sullivan

How would your life be different if you The California Legislature has a num-
didn’t have to worry about health insur- ber of possible reforms on the table. Some
ance? It’s not unusual for people shape their provide for universal health care and some
lives around a need for access to health care. do not; some have individual mandates
Are you locked into a job that isn’t a good for health care coverage; and some have
fit for you, but that you need because of the an employee mandate to participate in
benefits? the coverage provided by their employers.
Many families are just one major illness Employer responsibility to provide coverage
away from financial ruin. Early in my nurs- differs among the plans, and some encour-
ing career I was stunned when a patient had age the use of Health Savings Accounts.
to declare bankruptcy because of her illness: Cost containment and financing vary
A professional woman in her forties, she widely.
developed cancer. She was unable to work The League of Women Voters of Cali-
because of her illness and lost her health fornia has long held a position in support

Debunking the Big Boys

By Charlene Huggins
insurance. Her savings were quickly gone;
she maxed out her credit cards, declared
bankruptcy and went to live with her
of universal health care with a single-payer
system as proposed in Senator Sheila Kue-
hl’s bill, SB 840. The “single payer” would
elderly parents who were frail and in poor be a newly created state agency to assume
Ellen Bravo is a life time advocate of wom- try.” “Some may even wear high heels and health themselves. We now know that 50% the role of the insurance company, using
en’s equality, and in her new book Taking lipstick.” They have the most to gain in per- of bankruptcies are due at least in part to the state’s considerable purchasing power
on the Big Boys she presents the undeniable petuating the illusion that women have it medical bills, and that 75% of those people to negotiate bulk-rate prices with medi-
argument that feminism is “good for fam- better than ever and that equality has been started out with health insurance. cal providers from pharmacies to hospitals.
ilies, business, and the Nation.” Through achieved. Any effort to change the sta- Women, even more than men, are The plan would ensure choice of providers,
anecdote, facts and personal experience, tus quo seems insurmountable, but Bravo intensely concerned about rising health care affordability, accessibility, cost controls, and
Bravo illustrates the need for change in encourages change. costs and are looking for action. Last year contributions from individuals and employ-
government policy and the need for more The beauty of Bravo’s book is that she the U.S. Women’s Chamber of Commerce ers based on ability to pay. It is patient-cen-
public action to eradicate the barriers of organizes her arguments into very clear, launched a study called Access to Health: tered and significantly improves the quality
economic and domestic disparity, which precise titles and chapters. She explains the An American Values Initiative. Their prem- of our health care system as well.
still exist in our society today. She also myth, proves the reality, and offers solu- ise is that access to affordable health care is You are invited to become involved.
debunks the prevailing “Big Boy” myths tions. She understands the resistance of a right, not a privilege. They found it a huge Learn more by visiting
that support these injustices. For example, women today to work for social changes concern that one in four women report they
that the workplace is family friendly or like the feminist of the past, and she’s can’t afford to see a doctor even if they have
women’s work is equally valued to males. aware that most women are at a loss when health insurance. Donna Sullivan is director of action and
Bravo points out that these types of myths considering how to begin. Her last chapter Fixing health care is finally a front- health issues for the League of Women Vot-
minimize and stifle any real change within titled,” How You Can Get There” offers a burner issue. At state and national levels ers of SLO County. She is also a member of
the culture or within our society. myriad of ideas for all who,” dare to imag- politicians, corporations, and other decision the local chapter of Health Care for All and
The “Big Boys” are defined as, “the ones ine the world as it should be and work to makers (not just activists) are abuzz with a registered nurse. Donna also served as pro-
who control wealth and power in this coun- make it happen.” ideas and plans to repair our broken sys- gram director of Senior Peer Counseling in the
tem. New coalitions of employers, unions, county and continues to volunteer with this
insurers, consumers and medical groups unique program, which involves counseling
have formed even though some of these seniors in their homes.
have never before seen eye to eye.
May & June 2007 | | Women’s Press LocalPerspectives 11

Deaf, Dumb & Blind Adapt or reject?

By Kathleen Deragon
By Delores Del Rio

If you look at the history of this once-great and his constituents a Message! That elec- I had a real negative reaction to the Asso- to gather and discuss how to create a more
nation, you will see that Americans have tion was six months ago, and still we are in ciated Press article in the April 12 Tribune family-friendly society?
been forced to endure all types of presiden- the midst of an Iraqi conflict that has no on how board game manufacturers are Simply, at the base of this issue is how
cies. We had a president (Roosevelt) who end in sight and no game plan. Not only developing short versions of such classics as we as a society value our children.
was physically challenged, but managed to that, but the big B--- wants the United Monopoly, Scrabble, and Sorry. The reason If what we are doing is not giving us the
bring us into World War II and back; we States to send additional money and more given was that parents want to spend time time and energy to provide our children
had the womanizing president (Kennedy) troops to a war-ravaged country that nei- playing games with their children but they with what they need to grow into caring
who (luckily?) died before he lost his cult ther wants our help nor recognizes that we don’t have the hours those games take to do human beings—not consumers, but caring
status; the impeached president (Nixon) are helping them at all. it. The marketplace has adapted. persons—what can we do differently? Need
who was later exonerated because, in retro- He is Blind to the fact that his place in Parents will buy the games and be grate- to do differently?
spect, we have seen far worse governmental history will be permanently scarred by an ful for the option and enjoy the time with • Many solutions come to mind:
offenses; there was the cheating and lying unpopular and ridiculous war that cost bil- their children. And that’s a good thing. • Buy less so we have to work less
semi-impeached president (Clinton) who lions of dollars, and thousands of civilian But, I thought, wouldn’t it be better to have • Reject “busyness” and embrace leisure
was beloved like a sex symbol or rock star. and military lives. This money could have more time and not have to adapt to hav- • Job share so that parents can spend
What about President Reagan who went been used to help pressing domestic issues ing less of it? Maybe we need to see the toy more time at home
through almost his whole second term with such as health care, education, and disso- company’s response to our reduced avail- • Shorten work weeks
sleep apnea, epilepsy, or Alzheimer’s! lution of poverty, or universal issues such ability to our children as a trend we need • Establish more opportunities for flex-
Our current president (Bush) suffers as global warming, preservation of natu- to reject. time and flexplace
from three major handicaps— he is Deaf, ral resources, and the elimination of world Is it even possible to make more time to • Develop onsite childcare centers so
Dumb, and Blind! hunger. spend with our children? And if not, why parents can see children during the day
He is Deaf to the cries of the masses that He is Blind to the fact that, during his not? And if we know the current situation • Subsidize childcare
are crying out in pain due to death, destruc- tenure in office, the United States has seen a is not okay, what will it take to start a dia- • Pay for parental leave
tion, disease, torture, loss of self-esteem, major decline in world status -- we are now logue in our society about making changes • Form babysitting coops so parents
lack of freedom and human dignity. How loathed instead of loved. He is Blind to the so that parents don’t have to look at their don’t have to pay for babysitters and
can he not hear peoples’ desperate weeping sorrow his presidency has caused; Blind to watches when they are with their children? children feel part of a community of
due to his administration’s lack of human- the loss of human lives; Blind to the cost What forces brought us to this point: both other loving parents
ity... the murder of souls and the destruc- his decisions have caused to this planet. parents needing to work to make ends • Build communities where all adults
tion of families? He is Deaf to our nation’s (Future generations will have to bear the meet, too exhausted when they come home take responsibility for raising our chil-
screams! burden, I am afraid!) to interact with their children? Single par- dren
He is Dumb (numb?) to the fact that in Let us hope and pray that our next pres- ents carrying financial burdens alone, even
the last election, the majority voted against ident will be neither a warmonger nor Deaf, more strapped for time and energy? At Will we make the decisions? Or will we
him – sought to overthrow his policies and Dumb & Blind. what point do we say no more! and begin let corporate entities make it for us?
rejected his colleagues – trying to send him
12 WomenatWork Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

The “Speaking for Clients” Recipe
By Dianne Legro Maximize Your Advertising Dollars
This recipe has been handed down to speak- Feature Author, Lori Rai
ers since Moby Dick was a minnow. I have In today’s business environment, you need
adapted it, added some very special ingre- to maximize your advertising dollars more
dients of my own, coach it, and I know it than ever before. If you haven’t found your
“cooks.” My clients are watching it work target market, then you are letting dollars
and you can, too. Don’t get overwhelmed flow out the door, but for many business
by the steps. This is something you can do. owners finding that target market can be
Just like any recipe ingredients you assem- difficult.
ble, the resources are out there – most of You might say, “I have no idea what
them right in your own phone book. With my ‘real’ target market is.” You may have
a dash of patience, this recipe will help you a business that attracts a variety of clients
attract more clients and help your business so it becomes difficult to know just where
flourish if you follow it faithfully. to maximize your advertising dollars. Here
• Decide on a topic that is relevant to some simple steps to get the “bang for the
your market audience and create a • PRACTICE your talk. Memorize your buck” you desire.
catchy title opening and closing. It’s ok to refer to Step #1. Target the Market – You must if you have been running ads for at least 6
• Do a short write up for your talk that notes in the middle decide on who is your target market. If you months and tracking shows it isn’t working,
explains the benefits • Create an ending with a call-to-action have been in business for at least a year then change it.
• Create a bio and information sheet on close and PRACTICE IT!!!!! look over your current client list and deter- Step#5. Ask the Question – Final point
your business for the “Speakers Pack- • Dress and groom for your company mine who is buying from you the most. If – but also the most important – ask your
age” image or service group image. you have not been in business long, you target clients where they get their informa-
• Create a contact sheet to track your • Get there early and get comfortable need to pick a target client and then deter- tion. Use this to help you place your adver-
campaign with your stage area and microphone mine if indeed they are your target market. tising so it will attract your target market.
• Research organizations that would • Collect business cards or e-mails with a Step #2. Focus the Market – Once If your clients don’t watch network news,
be your best audiences and clients for sign up sheet you have that target, client then focus your then don’t buy it. If instead they read the
your business • Follow up with phone calls as you energy and budget on them. If the target local paper or listen to a local station, then
• Track down the program directors for promised after the talk. market is; females, 35-45, earning 55-65K, go there to broadcast your message.
these groups • Set up appointments with qualified cli- then you need to find places where these If you follow these five steps you will
• Develop and practice a good “cold call” ents customers “hang out” and spend time with find that your advertising dollars will be
to the program directors • Turn your prospects into clients with them. The more you can know about your working harder for your business. Remem-
• Call the program directors and pitch a great interview and pitch when you target market the easier it becomes to reach ber, people can’t buy what you have to offer
your talk meet them. them. if they don’t know how to find you.
• Send them your speaker’s package Congratulations to all of the focused Step #3. Keep it Clear – Given the tar-
• Follow up in a few days to answer any and committed entrepreneurial women who get client above – let’s say they are getting Feature Author Lori Rai is the Interim
questions they may have came out recently for the Women’s Forum most of their information by watching net- Women’s Business Partners’ Program Director.
• Implement a keep-in-touch phone and at Hancock College! It was a great turnout work news – you would want your message Ms. Rai is writing on behalf of Andrea Zeller
email campaign until you book some and I was honored to present to so many of on the news program. It has to be a very the Executive Director of Mission Community
talks you who are building businesses and defin- clear message, so avoid advertising that is Services (MCSC). MCSC coordinates Wom-
• Create a detailed flyer/ press release to ing your marketing with heart and mean- confusing the message. You need to convey en’s Business Partners (WBP), which serves
promote your event. Send it to your ing. the following information each and every everyone interested in establishing self-suffi-
database time; who you are, what you offer, why the ciency through small business ownership while
• Coordinate regularly with your organi- Dianne Legro is a national speech coach to need it, and how they find you. primarily focusing assistance towards socially
zation about room size, sound equip- individuals and corporate groups. She is a key- Step #4. Track It – It isn’t enough just and economically disadvantaged women. Visit
ment, lighting note speaker and will help you to speak like a to have advertising, you must also track the or call 595-1357 to find
• Prepare your talk!! Create a good out- pro and increase your business. Contact her at advertising to be sure you are reaching your out more. Se Habla Espanol
line and handouts target market. Don’t give up too soon. But

Getting Unstuck: Part 2 Clients or Customers? You Decide

By Denise Nickeson By Adele Sommers

In the last issue, we talked about some of without editing and without judgment--for In the English language, we make an inter-
the obstacles to change that can keep us evaluation later. Brainstorming can be used esting semantic distinction between the
in unhealthy, unpleasant situations in our to generate alternatives to any situation. words “customer” and “client.” Sometimes
lives, unable to reach our goals. Today we’ll Barrier #3. Not Knowing What You we use these expressions interchangeably
look at how we can begin to dismantle those Really Want. Values clarification sim- in English, but more often than not, we
barriers. Because of this column’s space lim- ply means knowing what is important to intend them to mean something different.
itations, we’ll take a look at the top 3. you, knowing what you really want out of Below are some composite definitions from
Barrier #1. Low Self Esteem. Without life. One clarification strategy is to create various dictionaries:
raising self-esteem and starting to believe a planning “board.” Divide up 2 sheets of • Customer: A person who purchases
you deserve a better life, you will have no paper into 12 equal slips. Anytime you have goods or services from another; a buyer
motivation to dismantle the other barriers a decision to make, are thinking about a or patron. 1) Are you their greatest fan and sup-
or try to change in any way. An exercise to change, or need to clarify what you actu- • Client: The party for whom profes- porter? Along the lines of encouragement,
build self-esteem is to think about people ally want from a given situation, write the sional services are rendered; anyone do you take every occasion to acknowledge
you believe have high self-esteem. Ask your- points to consider on the slips of paper and under the patronage of, or receiving and congratulate their successes, as modest
self: How do they show their self-esteem? arrange them in order of their importance the benefits and services of, another or significant as they might be? Since they
How can you tell they like themselves? to you. For example, a relationship plan- person. have honored you by requesting your aid,
How does their self-esteem work for them? ning board will have you asking yourself: Notice how the term “client” implies and you have been privileged to provide
For each way these people exhibit their What is important to me in a relationship? much more of a caring, fiduciary role for assistance, you can help them celebrate the
self-esteem, write down that characteristic A job planning board will ask: What do I the benefit provider. It strongly suggests the results!
below their name. After you list the charac- really want from a job? presence of a relationship -- one that will 2) Do you aim to ensure their down-
teristics for the people you’ve chosen, create The saying “A journey begins with a endure over time to enable the benefit pro- stream success? Are you consciously con-
a list for yourself with your qualities. Next single step” is no more true than with your vider to continue providing benefits. The sidering the success of not just your clients,
list the qualities you would like to have and change efforts. That first step will be not be term “customer,” on the other hand, sug- but also your clients’ clients, and even your
the ways that these high self-esteem models easy, but getting started and keeping that gests that a relationship, if any, forms only clients’ clients’ clients?
might serve as a mentor or model to you. momentum going is easier when you plan when a purchase is made -- and that the In conclusion, by striving to produce an
Barrier #2. Not Seeing Alternatives. for self-improvement, identify potential relationship might dissipate soon after. ongoing series of benefits and satisfaction,
Asking for help is particularly beneficial barriers, and begin to move beyond them. Whatever you call the people to whom you will be providing products, services, or
strategy when you cannot see available alter- As Sidney Simon says in his book, Getting you offer products or services, consider the other offerings that not only fill your cof-
natives or make decisions about the options Unstuck, “imperfect movement is better subtle but important value of using the term fers, but also provide significant and lasting
you do see. Help can come in the form of than perfect paralysis”. Do it. Do it. Do it. “client” when thinking of them. People will returns to your clients and customers.
a counselor, coach, support group, or just a sense that difference and respond positively
good friend. Denise Nickeson’s background includes to your concern for their well being. It will Adele Sommers, Ph.D. is a business per-
Getting an objective take on a particular working as an employment trainer/job coach be a relief for them to feel that you’re look- formance consultant who helps entrepreneurs
decision or option can also help point you for an occupational training center as well as ing out for their welfare, and not trying to align their life passions with their business
in a new direction or stimulate more pro- a personnel manager and corporate trainer push them into taking any action unless it purpose. She also guides organizations through
ductive thinking. Another effective way to for desktop support services company in Sili- is clearly in their best interests. “tactical tune-ups” and “strategic makeovers”
stimulate thinking is to brainstorm. Brain- con Valley. She is available for private career While you are thinking about in individual or group sessions. Contact her
storming is just about identifying options assessment and job coaching services. You can your clients and customers, ask yourself today for a free initial consultation at Adele@
(the more the better) and listing them-- reach her at the following:, or 805-462-2199.
May & June 2007 | | Women’s Press Body&Soul 13

Peace Begins at Home

by Laura Hyde
Eat for $15 a Week in SLO County (And It’s Healthy!)
By Marleen Walmsley

All minds are joined. Therefore, all healing You think that you can’t do it? Sure you • Drink 6-8 tall glasses of pure water
is self-healing. Our inner peace will, of itself, can. With the increasing costs of gas and every day. Good for you and dimin-
pass to others once we accept it for ourselves. the resulting costs of consumer goods, it ishes hunger.
— Gerald G. Jampolsky helps to manage our food budget a little
better. Without sacrificing nutrition, I set 5 lb. bag white rice $2.97
Many years ago, I heard someone state that out to do it on a dare one Saturday morn-
1 doz. organic eggs 3.00
it’s impossible to have a healthy or successful ing. Comparing Ralph’s, Albertson’s, Von’s
life if one’s home is lacking peace and har- and Spencer’s, I came up with a weekly gro- 4 chicken quarters 2.00
mony. Immediately, that rang true for me. cery list that comes under $15 a head and 1 lb. calf liver 1.50
For how can one be a messenger of peace Practice the following exercise and watch meets all dietary guidelines. 1/2 lb. carrots .35
if drama, chaos, and grievances co-exist as peace gently soothes your mind and soul: Substitute items each week with alter-
6 red potatoes 1.00
within one’s home—the very foundation • Search your mind for anger-provoking natives listed here so you won’t be bored. It
where one’s physical, spiritual, and emo- situations, upsetting personalities or doesn’t include the cost of spices, olive oil 1 green onion .69
tional being resides? I’ve met people who events, or anything else in which you or butter, but even tailoring for those items, 1/2 lb. green beans 1.00
have prided themselves for taking political are harboring unloving thoughts or you can still do it. And be full all the time. 1 bag Fuji apples 3.00
action toward world peace and people who feelings. Begin with the situations and
Subtotal $14.94
have served on religious committees for people closest to your heart. • Foods are going to be cheaper in sea-
world healing. And too often, some of these • Note them as informally as possible son.
same people have not addressed the anger and let them rise one-by-one, repeat- • Watch for food specials in the Sunday Alternative Produce Items
simmering beneath the surface of their own ing to yourself, “I could see peace in this paper to save more money. Bunch radishes .69
families, or sought to heal the resentments situation [or with this person] instead of • The best nutrition comes from raw
4 bunches spinach/bag 2.00
within their own minds. what I now see.” produce. Better ye buy organic (just
• Keep repeating the choice for peace 12% more). 4 bananas .69
What is the “emotional climate” of your
home? If we are withholding love, blaming until you feel some sense of relief, • The farmers’markets are good sources 16 oz. raisins 2.00
or accusing those closest to us, then how then go to the next level of healing by of food and about the same cost as 1/2 papaya 1.49
effectively can we be bearers of peace? Or repeating, “I am willing to see peace in supermarkets. Other Cheap Sources High Quality Protein
for that matter, how can we be of service in this situation instead of what I now see.” • Spencer’s is the least expensive overall
• Next, deepen your sense of inner peace item for item. Ralph’s was the highest Lean beef
any meaningful way?
A Course in Miracles teaches, “Peace is by repeating, “I choose to see peace in overall. Cornmeal $2.39
clearly an internal matter. It must begin this situation instead of what I now see.” • Locally grown produce is no cheaper in Nuts: almonds, walnuts 2.00
with your own thoughts then extend out- • Finally, allow yourself to fully surren- spite of minimal transportation costs. Seeds: pumpkin, sunflower .99
ward.” During this time of upheaval, uncer- der by repeating, “Through the eyes of • You can get adequate protein on a veg-
love, I see only peace in this situation.” Peanut butter 3.39/16 oz.
tainty and war, we naturally want to stop etarian diet.
the violence and hostility. Most of us want • Supplements do NOT give you the Beans - kidney, pinto, black 1.29/lb
to see it stop “out there,” and so we focus Laura V. Hyde is the Spiritual Leader same nutrition as whole foods. It’s been Mussels, clams 2.50/lb
on what the boss, government, community, of the Circle of Spiritual Enlight- proven. Miso .35/cup
and so forth, must do differently. Yet the enment in San Luis Obispo, CA: • It’s the processed foods that eat up your
Cottage cheese 1.89
truth remains that the world outside of us Laura is also the budget.
stems from our inner condition. Peace “out author of the books Gifts of the Soul and The Fish, 3.5 oz (fresh cheaper than canned) 3.00
there” will only occur to the extent that we Intimate Soul, and the host of the show “Rela-
heal our own violent, angry, judgmental tionship Wisdom” on San Luis Obispo Public
and victim-oriented thoughts. Peace is an
inside job.
Access Television. Visit Laura at: www.laura- or call: 805.748.7506 Supplements: Do you really need them?
By Marleen Walmsley, Naturopath

We Americans probably have the high- is my advice: Concentrate on raw, organic

SpiritualityMatters est dietary standards on the planet. We have foods. Green leafies, fresh fruits, fish and
access to just about any food we want. But poultry in place of fatty beef. And stay far

What Is Your Memory of Choice? are we getting enough nutrition?

In spite of access to such a variety of
afield from high-fat, high-sodium and all
processed foods as you can. Doing that,
By Heather Mendel foods, we spend about $20.4 billion on it isn’t likely you will need dietary supple-
In Judaism, no one ever dies as long as dietary supplements annually, yet don’t ments at all. If you do, go for the food-
someone remembers them. For this reason, have the longevity of the Sonora Indians based. They are bio-available; synthetic ones
on the anniversary of a loved one’s death, of Mexico, for instance, whose diet consists are not. Organic food is in resonance with
the Kaddish, a prayer of remembrance, is primarily of corn. - nor the Sherpas or Azur- Schuman Resonance of 7.83 Hz, the vibra-
said by those who hold dear the memories baijanis, who don’t have much nutritional tional frequency of the earth.
of the deceased. And what is it we really variety, either, yet are fathering children in Select a good company: Call the 800
remember? their nineties. What is the difference? Stress number on the label and ask to speak to
Ultimately it is not the height, weight, levels, family unity, long-standing traditions the lab. Ask are there are preservatives such
complexion, or the color of eyes or hair that and faith values, and simple lifestyles. They as mercury? Is the formula bio-available?
remain with us after the death of a loved are also in synergy with nature. What is the percentage of actual nutrients
one. It is something of the spirit of the The critical question is: How do you per tablet and how much is “ash”?
person that lingers— often the values that know if you need supplements at all? This What follows is a ratings chart of the
motivated their behavior, comical or wist- some of the more popular retail brands.
ful, that we recall.
Brand Name Label Rating (-1 – 100+)
Memory can be kind. When we think
of parents long gone, parents who may have Kirkman (Costco) Kirkman Super Nu-Ther 12.3
suffered from lingering illnesses at the end with an 18-page photo album, each page Source Naturals Ultra Multiple 7.5
of their lives, many of us find that those representing one year of our lives spent Nature’s Way Complete Ultra Energy Multi 17.6
painful memories are not the ones that together. Selecting a single photograph Solaray Solo Caps 6.2
bubble to consciousness when we remem- from our overstuffed albums to represent
ber them. Our memory bank opens for us Avon Vitadvance Women’s Complete II 5.2
each year was challenging enough. Just one
to other times and seasons. Images resurface image from our entire lives? Indulging in a Rite-Aid WholeSource 6.2
of our loved ones still healthy and vigorous. reflective exercise of this nature is a fascinat- Centrum Select 4.6
A recent Japanese film entitled After ing way to review our lives to this point and Geritol Complete 4.2
Life presents a waiting room where those may leave us with the question as to what One-a-day Advanced Men’s Formula 4.6
recently deceased spend a short time before those people most intimately involved in
moving on. During the week they have our lives today would select as their mem- Puritan’s Pride Vita-Min 0.0
access to the waiting room, they are asked ory of choice. Hopefully such consideration Maculitis Eyeglasses $200 Bilberry $1.07
to think about their lives and choose the may lead to us re-evaluate how we conduct
one memory they wish to keep with them ourselves and how we relate to others as we Source: Comparative Guide to Nutritional Supplements – 2006 by Biochemist Lyle MacWilliams
for eternity. All other memories will be lost try to leave an imprint for goodness in our
to them. What would be the defining mem- relationships, families, and communities. Marleen Wamsley is a naturopath in Morro Bay. She is
ory of each of our lives, if we had to choose?
host-producer of Healers Who Share, an educational TV pro-
For how many of us would that image take Heather Mendel has focalized wom- gram on Ch. 2 for those without health insurance. She writes a
us back to our own childhood or adoles- en’s spirituality groups for the past 15 years. global naturopathic newsletter and teaches workshops for med-
cence? Would such a memory link us to a She can be contacted through her website at ical professionals called New Paradigms In Healing. Contact
beloved life partner or to our children or, and also e-mailed Marleen at 831-325-7483 or
grandchildren? at or called at
On the occasion of our 18th wedding 544-4933.
anniversary, I decided to gift my husband
14 CommunityBulletins Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

Volunteer Crisis Intervention

Women’sCommunityCenter Family Law Action Committee Counselors Needed
Take Action! The Sexual Assault Recov-
Dealing With Divorce ery and Prevention (SARP) Center of SLO
3rd Wednesday of each month – 7 PM Sexual Assault and Re-victimization County is seeking compassionate men and
Upcoming: by the Media women to work as volunteer crisis interven-
May 16, June 20 and July 18 tion counselors/advocates. Volunteers work
By Amber Kennedy,
Talk with other women who have with teen and adult survivors of sexual
Fund Development Coordinator
Our mission is: been there, done that in a supportive, assault and abuse, providing support and
• TO maintain an accessible center to non-judgmental environment. advocacy either in the office or on our 24-
No one asks to be raped. Ever. Sexual assault
collect and exchange information of $5 donation hour telephone crisis-line. The CA State-
is not about sex: it is about asserting power
interest and concern to women certified training program will be held July
through the use of force, fear, or coercion.
• TO organize and facilttate workshops, 10th through August 16th on Tuesday and
Self-Represented Litigants’ Clinic Why is it then, that when a woman sur-
clinics, seminars, classes and support Thursday nights from 5:45 to 10:00pm.
vives this brutal crime, the questions asked
groups on subjects of interest and need 4th Tuesday of each month – 5:30 PM More information and applications for the
surround her attire, alcohol consumption,
• TO engage in and facilitate interaction Upcoming: training program may be obtained online
relationship to the perpetrator, and previ-
among local, state and national agen- May 22, June 26 and July 24 at  or by contacting
ous sexual history? Questions such as these
cies and organizations working to ben- Get family law advice from local the SARP Center at 545-8888. Applications
remove the focus and blame from the per-
efit women attorneys and/or paralegals. must be received by June 29th, 2007.
petrator, and place the responsibility on
Reservations required. $25 donation the victim. And often, society questions if
the assault occurred at all, perpetuating the
Call 544-9313 for information myth that women “cry rape.” Sexual assault Community Counseling Center
is never the victim’s fault. There is only one Needs You!
person who can prevent a sexual assault
from occurring: the perpetrator. Both vic- Attention all LCSWs and LMFTs: Com-
tim blaming and disbelief continue to re- munity Counseling Center is looking for a
victimize sexual assault survivors, and it is few good men or women to join our vol-
Women’s Press presents happening in the most public forum we unteer pool and help us out! We are espe-

Intermezzo have: the media.

Recently, mainstream media has begun
referring to survivors of rape and sexual
cially seeking therapists who can see clients
in South and North County, but no mat-
ter where you live, we need you! We have
assault as “the accusers” and suspects in the spaces in which you can see our clients
EVERY THURSDAY IN JUNE A Powerful Process for Reviewing, case as “the accused,” implying the perpe- throughout the county. We also are always
San Luis Obispo Location, $200 Re-Envisioning and Re-Creating the trator is the one being victimized. Report- hoping for more male and Spanish speak-
ers use “alleged” as a modifier proceeding ing therapists to apply.
Second Half of Life
rape more often than other crimes, such Our therapy is short term (10 sessions),
as theft or destruction of property. A sur- for uninsured and low income folks with
• Learn innovative techniques to help you re-envision how you a wide variety of issues. No court-ordered,
want to live the rest of your life vivor’s right to privacy is rarely respected as
the story of their intensely personal crime domestic violence or active substance abus-
• Identify the obstacles and limiting beliefs and behaviors that ers. What else is there, you ask? We see
prevent you from moving forward and living a joyous life makes the papers, and often the focus of the
piece is aggressive retaliation from a perpe- people for parenting, relationship, life tran-
• Discover powerful tools that will help you to move more cre- sition, glbt, grief, depression, anxiety issues
atively into the future trator’s legal counsel, putting the victim on
the defense and again shifting blame from and more. If you’d like to share your skill as
• Experience your personal renaissance by fulfilling undeveloped a therapist with someone who could never
parts of yourself perpetrator to victim. When details of the
assault are reported, information is often afford therapy privately, please call Gina
delivered in a way that implies the victim @ CCC: 543-7969 or for
Beverly Engel, M.F.T., is the bestselling author of 18 self-help books information on volunteering.
and is an internationally recognized expert in women’s issues and rela- was engaging in consensual activity. It is also
common practice for media to lay a victim’s Community Counseling Center
tionships. She has been a psychotherapist and workshop leader for 30 805.543.7969
years. sexual past out for public scrutiny, though
it has no bearing on the sexual assault. Note
Heather Mendel is a spiritual director, calligraphic artist, writer and that the perpetrator’s sexual past is rarely
storyteller. She has facilitated spirituality groups for women for the past mentioned; instead media discusses his wife YMCA Urges Electronic Equipment
15 years. or children, implying a “family man” could
never commit rape. Recycling: Computer & TV Recycling
This is not to say that no newspaper, & Fundraising Event 
For a full description of the weekend and a pre-registration form, radio, or news station supports the move-
go to or or call: ment to end sexual violence, or respects Here’s a chance to move along your old
survivors of rape and sexual assault. How- computer monitors, laptops and TV’s to
(805) 528-7544 raise money for a good cause – while also
ever, sexual assault survivors continue to be
re-victimized by the blame and skepticism helping the environment. RES Recycling
Our first Intermezzo Workshop was highly successful. Some participants said that it actually changed their and Environmental Services, located in
life! Proceeds benefit the Women’s Press. perpetuated by the mainstream media and
in turn by society. It is up to us as com- San Luis Obispo, has partnered with the
munity members and media consumers to San Luis Obispo County YMCA during
stand up and speak out. Write a letter to the the month of May to encourage electronic
editor next time you see a victim of sexual equipment recycling.  During May, for each
assault re-victimized on television or in the TV, computer monitor or laptop that is
newspaper. You can change the media and recycled at RES, in the name of the YMCA,
you can make a difference. For more infor- RES will pay the YMCA 25% of the recycla-
mation contact the Sexual Assault Recovery ble value of electronic equipment.   
and Prevention Center at 545-8888. All the community needs to do is call
RES at 541-5865 to schedule a drop-off
time at the RES facility and then mention
Women’s Empowerment the San Luis Obispo County YMCA when
& Self-Defense Workshop delivering their recyclable electronics.
For additional information regarding
Maximize your chances of avoiding a sexual the recycling fund raiser contact Maria Fos-
assault! The Sexual Assault Recovery and ter at or call her at
Prevention Center proudly offers this four- 543-8235. For more information about the
hour workshop to help empower and pro- San Luis Obispo County YMCA and the
tect the women in our community. This YMCA’s efforts to build strong kids, strong
workshop will focus on improving your families and strong communities visit www.
awareness and assertiveness skills, and will or call the administrative office
teach physical techniques that can help you at 543-8235. 
escape a dangerous situation. Remember
– your best weapon is yourself: your mind,
your voice, and your body! This free class is
open to women of all athletic abilities, ages
12 and up. Beginning and advanced classes
are offered. Call 545-8888. For dates and
times, please visit http://www.sarpcenter. CASA Volunteers Needed
org/services/defense.htm Help an abused child - become an advocate,
volunteer in the office or join the CASA
For information, call 541-6542 or visit
May & June 2007 | | Women’s Press Resources 15

ABUSE Talk/Listen - Emotional support

Stroke Support Group
471.8102 (SLO)
Adults Molested as Children Support Group (AMAC) Transformations Counseling Center Caregivers of Stroke Survivors
545.8888 Free monthly workshops 541.7908 544.2266 (SLO)
Center for Alternatives to Domestic Violence Women’s Support/Therapy v (general)
North County Women’s Shelter & Resource Center,
Consumer Credit Counseling Services Women’s Healthcare Specialists
(inc. domestic violence support groups) 800.540.2227 544.4883
461.1338 Mission Community Services Corporation
Rape Survivors Support Group, SLO Women’s Business Partners POLITICAL
545.8888 595.1356 Code Pink
SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery & Prevention)
Support Group for Sexual Assault Survivors
GAY & LESBIAN Commission on Status of Women
Gay and Lesbian Alliance of the Central Coast 545.8412; Dawn Williams
545.8888 541.4252 Democratic Women United
Women’s Shelter Program of SLO PFLAG.Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays 541.4252
781.6400 438.3889 League of Women Voters
ADDICTIONS SOL (Single Older Lesbians)
Mostly socializing! Call 474.9405 NOW (National Organization for Women)
AA Meeting
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)
AIDS Bereavement Group (Hospice) 544.1580
498.2176 544.2266 Younger Women’s Task Force
Al-Anon Hospice of SLO County
534.9204 544.2266 and 434.1164
Cambria Connection (12 step support) Hospice Partners of the Central Coast READERS/WRITERS
927.1654 782.8608 Adult Literacy
Casa Solana 541-4219
Women’s Recovery Home 481.8555
Compulsive eaters Anonymous, H.O.W.Concept
JOBS/CAREERS Nightwriters
AARP 788.2643 549.9656; contact Shirley Powell
546.1178 Cal Poly Foundation Sisters in Crime
Drug & Alcohol Services
781.4275 Jobline 756.7107
Cal Poly University
NA 800.549.7730
Overeaters Anonymous 756.1533 SENIORS
Cuesta College Adult Day Care
541.3164 Jobline 546.3127 544.1414 (SLO); 748.9070 (Arroyo Grande);
SCA, SLAA & SAA (Sex, Love & Romance Addictions)
The Creekside Career Center 434.2081 (Templeton); 927.4290 (Cambria)
461.6084 788.2631 or 788.2690 Computerooters:
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly)
Department of Rehabilitation Computer help: 528.3892
929.1789 549.3361 Department of Social Services:
Women for Sobriety
Mission Community Services Corporation In-Home Support to the Elderly/Homemakers Women’s Business Partners help with ADLs 781.1790
215.536.8026 595.1356 nursing help for the terminally ill 781.5540
CHILDREN & FAMILIES Private Industry Council (PIC) 788.2601
Equal Singles 60+ Meet Monthly
544.4347 or 481.1793,
Childcare Resource Connection Foster Grandparents.Senior Companions
541.2272 or 800.727.2272
Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA)
LEGAL 782.9200
Core Mediation Services Senior Peer Counseling
“A child’s voice in Court in SLO County” 544.6334 free, trained in.home counseling for 60+
541.6542 District Attorney’s Office – Victim Witness Center 547.7025 ext. 15
Children’s Services Network 781.5821
First 5: Children & Families Commission
Family Law Facilitator SPIRITUAL (OR NOT)
546.3769 Circle of Spiritual Enlightenment
781.4058; ask for Susan Hughs Lawyers Referral Services/Legal Aid Alternative 995.1390
Homeschooling in SLO County (HSC) 788.2099 Awakening Interfaith Spiritual Community
462.0726; ask for Barbara Pro Per Divorce Workshop Sunday service, 10–11 AM; 772.0306
La Clinica De Tolosa 238.5334 544.9313
La Leche League Central Coast Jewish Historical Society
Senior Legal Services 543.9452
489.9128 543.5140 Meditation Group
Migrant Childcare Program
Mondays, 7:30–8:30 PM; 772.0306
544.4355 and 466.3444
MOMS Club of South SLO county
473. 2548
ALS Support Group (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) Every Sunday, Coalesce Bookstore, MB
Partnership for Children
541.8666; ask for Beth
Real F.A.C.T.S. (Forum on Abused Children) 534.9234 (LO); 547.3830 (SLO); Homeless Shelter
460.9016 226.8669 (Templeton) 781-3993
Social Services Caregivers of Early-Stage Alzheimer’s Housing Authority
781.1600 547.3830, 534.9234 (SLO/Los Osos) 543.4478
Support for Kids Coping with Domestic Violence American Cancer Society North County Women’s Resource Center, Shelter
473.6507 Paso Robles 238.9657 461.1338
Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Support Group Prado Day Center
Arthritis Foundation
Women’s Community Center, SLO
Hotline 800.549.8989 892.5556 544.9313
Sexual & Rape Prevention (SARP) Cancer/ Breast Cancer Support Groups Women’s Shelter Program of SLO
545.8888 or 800.656.HOPE (4673) 543.1481 ext. 3 for information 549.8989 (crises), 781.6401 (business)
Temporary Restraining Order & Victim Witness Caregivers of Aging Parents
Program 781.5821 547.3830 (AG); 927.4290 (Cambria);

226.8669 (PR); 547.3830 (SLO) OTHER WOMEN’S
A.D.A.P.T. (Aid in Divorce Adjustment Problems Today)
Enhancement, Inc. Altrusa International, Inc.
543.0388 (for breast cancer survivors) 481.1039; Cici Wynn, President
Alzheimer/Dementia Resource Center
434.2081 or 534.9234 or 800.443.1236 771.8640 Hadassah.SLO
CALL–Concerned Agoraphobics Learning to Live EOC Health Services Clinics 543.9452
543.3764 no or low cost reproductive health services Women’s Network, SLO
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) 544.2478 (SLO); 489.4026 (Arroyo Grande) 546.3727
Healthworks of the Central Coast

542.0577 (SLO) 481.5093 (Grover Beach)
927.1654 (Cambria) 466.8600 (North County) no or low cost reproductive health services OTHER GROUPS &
787.0100 (SLO); 773.4500 (Pismo);
Community Counseling Center
543.7969 610.8865 (Atascadero) GATHERINGS
Long-term Care Ombudsman Services of SLO County Central Coast Peace and Environmental Council
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance Group
785.0132 544.3399 or 783.2383
927.3703 Compassion & Choices (formerly Hemlock Society)
Eating Disorders Support Group Lymphedema Education & Support Group
2nd Monday, 4:00-5:00 pm 800.247.7421 or 458.5481
546-3774; free, meets weekly in SLO
Hospice of SLO County (inc. miscarriage/stillbirth 782-9300 for info
support) 544.2266 or 434.1164 Parkinson’s Support Groups
Safe and Sober Support Group 466.7226 (Atascadero/Templeton)
473.6507 481.7424, 473.1714 (Arroyo Grande)
Senior Peer Counseling 544.1342 (SLO)
free, trained in-home counseling for 60+ Planned Parenthood
547.7025, ext. 15 SLO 549.9446
Please send additions, corrections or deletions to: or leave a message
at the WCC: 805.544.9313. Last update 05/02/07.
16 BusinessProfiles Women’s Press | May & June 2007 |

QuietStar Presents
Infinite Dynamics Yvonne Roza: Harmonic Healing

Are you looking for your core? Trying to “Many people need help in learning how to
improve your posture? Wondering how to become pain free in their movements,” she
push yourself to another level of fitness? asserts. Nancy Rodgers’ foot injury from
Infinite Dynamics is a studio for movement running and poor posture were not as debil-
education and therapy. Spacious and airy, it itating as Teresa’s situation, but the work
contains the latest equipment and a compe- had powerful applications for her as well, “
tent and friendly staff. Training sessions are
I loved learning about optimal movement
generally one-on-one, but can also include
semi-private sessions and group classes, and and knew I wanted to teach this to others.
are for all ages and abilities. Infinite Dynamics is a great place to learn.
The studio specializes in the exercise Having clients become more comfortable Yvonne Roza began practicing the healing emotion.” She also completed Harmonic
systems of Pilates, GYROTONIC, and with themselves, whether it is better ath- arts as a hairdresser. It was her clients who Healing classes with Deena Spear in Ithaca,
GYROKENESIS. These systems of exer- letic performance or just daily comfort and showed her the healing benefits of caring NY; a unique method of “tuning” energy
cise focus on the connection between mind strength, is incredibly rewarding.” touch, listening, feeling heard, and seeing fields into harmony. “Using Hebrew letters
and body. Specialized equipment is a part Infinite Dynamics’ great strength is the their own unique beauty. Now retired from makes Harmonic Healing simple yet pow-
custom, noncompetitive nature of the stu- hairdressing, she continues her practice but erful and beautiful.”
of every session. The studio also offers mat
dio and work. Programs are individually tai- in the medium of energy healing. Yvonne doesn’t see herself as a healer,
classes. Each individual session is entirely Through the experience of her own “One must do that for one’s self. Mostly
custom, designed for each client’s specific lored to the client’s needs to they leave with
healing, she began a journey of exploring… my practice is holding a safe container for
needs. If you have ever struggled in a gym more mobility, better balance, and able to
“anything that Spirit put before me.” That someone to do their own healing. I provide
setting, a group class, or in front of an exer- do more of what they enjoy. As they prog- journey began at QuietStar seven years ago, sound, caring touch, and visual guidance.
cise video wondering if you are doing it ress in mind-body awareness and efficient where the relationship continues, hold- You will feel heard – mind, body, & Spirit.”
right, then a one-on-one, hands-on session and therapeutic movements, clients learn ing her healing practice there. “What I like Yvonne also gives workshops in Sound
will be a real revelation. more effective ways to move so they feel most about the QuietStar concept is that of and Harmonic Healing. Upcoming is Power
Teresa Spafford first came to the stu- better and more confident in their bodies. acceptance…supporting and allowing your of Toning, May 5. You can reach her at
So whatever your goals for yourself own truth to emerge.” 234-6822 or visit her website:
dio as a client suffering with pain and lim-
may be, Infinite Dynamics can be a posi- Last year she completed Jonathan Gold-
ited feeling in her legs due to a severe back
tive component of your program. Appoint- man’s Sound Healing Course. “I see illness
injury. She was unable to do her daily as a ‘dis-chord’ of frequencies. The right
activities. The work at Infinite Dynam- ments with Teresa or Nancy can be made Contact info: (805) 783-2662
sounds, such as toning and crystal bowls,
ics helped her to improve her health and Monday-Saturday by calling 805-594-1061
can bring in harmony – mind, body and
avoid further back surgeries. After years of or online @www.infinitedynamics. The
study, she is now an active certified trainer, website also has a schedule of classes and
and she knows the value of these practices. more information.

Seeking Writers and Artists

e are seeking content for our July-August issue, the theme of which
will be “creative women” in keeping with the Women’s Community
Center’s annual fundraiser Day With Creative Women. We would like:

 Short short fiction (500-750 words)

Send to
or call 474-6444 or 305-9775

the publication
of Beverly Engel’s
latest book: