Logic destroys relationships. The next time you see two people in an argument, watch them focus on the logical level. Each person will give facts of which the other doesnt care about. The content and logical focus of a conversation has been the demise of many relationships. When bland words and facts are focused upon, causing emotions to be overlooked, the relationship suffers. Intelligence, reasoning, and rationality are fine. Problems can arise when logic gets center of attention in a conversion, especially during conflict. No one cares about who did what right and who did what wrong. We dont have relationships because of a persons logic.
involves lying. You can lie when it is more helpful for the truth to be ignored than if it were given. A few hours or days following the lie may be more appropriate to tell the truth should you think the truth needs to be told. By telling the truth at a later time, you provide the person with feedback that you feel is beneficial. Lying serves its purpose in maintaining a healthy relationship under the conditions Ive given. Please dont misinterpret my recommendation to occasionally lie as an excuse for hiding the truth when truth should be told.
Communication is a way of building bridges. If either side has a serious enough foundational problem, the strongest bridge is not going to last.
People ask, What things can I say and do to make people like me? This is the wrong type of thinking! Most effective communication is doomed before you even open your mouth. Becoming charismatic and persuasive starts from within you. Changing peoples behavior starts from within you. And having intimate, sharing, and loving relationships starts within you. Change your life by changing your
thinking. Good relationships happen by developing yourself and not just by having good communication. I steer my focus away from telling people to say rehashed lines in certain situations because no magical line can effectively work when you are incongruent with your words. You can say one brilliant communication line; but how you feel and think is a more powerful influence in your life. My communication secrets of making people like you program gets you deeply understanding yourself and other people so that you can begin communicating more intimately, powerfully, persuasively, and charismatically.
communication skills. Someone with a low IQ can have just as good communication skills as someone with a high IQ. In one of my popular articles titled Why Smart People Have Poor Communication Skills, I say that smart people do not necessarily have poor communication skills. However, smart people do tend to have poor communication skills because of certain habits, traits, and thoughts. A few of these problems include: the need to criticize, a tendency to find faults, use of complex words, and a proof of intellectual intelligence by sharing knowledge.
Adaptablity is an important part in healthy relationships. A failure to adjust your mood to a persons mood can result in severe conflict. Generally, fine-tuning your body language and words to a persons emotional needs boosts your social perforamnce. However, adaptability can be beneficial and harmful to your communication. When you overlook your own needs or feelings to adapt to social situations, a tradeoff often takes place: People who make good impressions, while overlooking their own needs or feelings, suffer from poor, unstable relationships. The everyday social implication of adaptability is a superficial attitude. Dr. Brian Spitzberg, a professor at the School of Communication in San Diego State University and co-editor of The Dark Side of Close Relationships, says the myth of adaptability hurts peoples communication skills. If everyone is adapting to everyone elses adaptations, people become chameleons in a paisley room, disabled by the shifting pattern of their social context. says Dr. Spitzberg. Adaptable people can come across like a chameleon as they change their face for each person with whom they interact.
We fabricate reasons to procrastinate on important conversations that will change our life.
Ask anyone who has regrettably divorced and theyll tell you their disappointment in not having addressed one or two minor issues that went ignored for years to ultimately destroy the relationship. By having the thought that communicating a hidden problem worsens the problem, you waste time, energy, money, and emotion in delaying the difficult conversation. Susan Scott in her bestselling Fierce Conversationsencourages us to come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real. Being real is not the risk. says Scott. The real risk is that: I will be known, I will be seen, and I will be changed.
By telling someone Im not talking to you, you already have lied because your body language will communicate a message to the person that you are ignorant. Additionally, your silence could communicate that you are a stubborn person. When someone gives you the silent treatment, do you interpret the messages that they are communicating to you? Yes! Perhaps they are communicating stubbornness, ignorance, rudeness, or cruelty through avoidance. It is impossible to avoid communication.
You dont react to a persons words; you react to your meaning of a persons words.
Words are representations of images, symbols, and events, and are not solely responsible for giving messages their meaning. The attachments we have to what we say and hear gives communication most of its meaning. You dont react to a persons words; you react to your meaning of a persons words. Someone calling you a loser with no life wont affect you when you give those words a meaning of, hes just angry or if he was aware of personal growth he wouldnt call me names whatever he calls me, doesnt affect me. Understanding this myth and using its truth in your life will take your communication and personality to a whole new level.
In Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, co-author Chip Heath describes a major problem his students at Stanford University have when giving presentations. Being one of the worlds best universities, the students are intelligent and present their ideas with good speaking skills. Each year Heath gets his students to persuade fellow class members that nonviolent crime is a major issue in the United States. Each student is given one minute to present their persuasive speech while the other students rate their speeches effectiveness. The highest rated students present statistics with poise, smoothness, and charisma the typical understanding of effective communication in business. However, a few minutes following the presentations, Chip gets the students to remember any concept from any of the presentations. When students are asked to recall the speeches, 64 percent remember the stories. says Chip Heath. Only 5 percent remember any individual statistic. almost no correlation emerges between speaking talent and the ability to make ideas stick. The foreign students with poor English speaking abilities are just as able to persuade native students. Businesses are made up of individuals. A business is one entity that only represents the individuals within. Lose the idea that you need to strive to become a leader in the industry while maintaining a key focus on adhering to superior customer service. Reading such statements make me puke! Any business communication, whether your inspiring a team or persuading a CEO, do not get persuaded solely on statistics, structure, and effective speaking skills. They get persuaded from stories, emotion, analogies, self-interest, and a little bit of logic. Speaking talent is not as important as you think it is for effective communication.
When a guy discusses his likes, you will see his energy rise. He will smile, talk more enthusiastically, show interest, vary his tonality, move around, and give off other nonverbal messages that the subject is his true like. Similarly, when he discusses his dislikes, you will see his drop in energy. He will frown, talk in a bitter manner, show disinterest, have a boring tonality, move less, and give off other nonverbal messages that he dislikes the subject. When listening to this guy talking about his likes and dislikes, 93% of your belief that he is telling the truth comes from nonverbal communication. If instead this guy frowned, talked in a bitter manner, and used boring vocalics when talking about his likes, youd nearly be certain that he didnt like what he was talking about.