My Testimony, Part 3

College Decision
As you may see by the time I get finished writing my testimony, Hartland has had a big influence on who and where I am today. I still recommend that young people go there and know that hundreds have been blessed by doing so. Hartland has provided hundreds of well-trained, well-grounded, Adventist missionaries that today work in all divisions and departments of the church, foreign missions, conference work, supporting ministries, and independent ministries. It's not the place for everybody and it is by no means perfect. I trust that we will all learn and grow as I expose some of the mistakes of the past. In my 8th-grade graduation speech (which incidentally was given at Oklahoma Academy since I homeschooled and OA graciously agreed to let me graduate with their staff kids' class of two: Edward Kennedy and Tim Seeley) I said that I was going to OA for four years and then I was going to Hartland. Through those four years there were many opportunities to change my mind. Several of my senior class decided to go to Weimar in California. Our Bible teacher had graduated from there and since I didn't agree with all of his theology which I assumed he learned from there I didn't want to go there. Union College in Nebraska and Southwestern Adventist College in Texas offered various types of small scholarships which were handed out at graduation. I think I did have my ACT test scores sent to those places which probably had something to do with getting scholarships. I really liked that blueprint of Christian Education that I had read in the book Education in my 8th grade year. Everything I heard about Hartland said it fit the bill better than any other place. My older brother went there the year before I did, and we seniors got to stop in there for a couple days on our class trip. My heart was totally set on going and I was certain it was God's will for me too. But alas, my brother decided to pursue a career of engineering like Dad did, which Hartland didn't offer. We had taken a vacation that summer to visit family in Washington State and visited Walla Walla College as well. They had an engineering program so he decided to go there instead of returning to Hartland. One evening which I remember clearly as it was yesterday, Dad asked me if I wouldn't be willing to go to Walla Walla with PH since it would be so convenient to send us with one vehicle to the same place. A big lump of fear jumped in my throat because my heart was set on Hartland. I was really sad PH wouldn't be going there too. I was willing to go alone because I KNEW that was where God wanted me to be. I had already worked the summer there in Hal Mayer's office and after training me in he was counting on me to return. I was very relieved when Dad agreed to support my decision even if it cost him. Since Hartland started first Mom agreed to drive me there and bring the vehicle back for PH to take the other direction. I don't know if she had ever made such a long trip across the country by herself. On the return trip she took a wrong exit off I-40 into the bad part of some big city and got lost. Nearing nightfall she couldn't figure out how to get back on the Interstate and certainly didn't want to stop the vehicle and ask anyone in that part of town as a lone, lost woman. So she prayed and prayed and miraculously made every turn correct until she found herself back on the Interstate headed for home. After my first two years or so I got the idea to stay home for at least one quarter and take home study. But Dad asked if I would be able to fulfill all the requirements or if it would delay my graduation to do so. I found out it would delay graduation. So he insisted I return to college and finish what I started. 2011 New Life Mission Canada 3-1

My parents paid for my entire four years of college. I am so thankful they gave me the freedom to make my own decision about where to go. Incidentally PH only stayed one year at Walla Walla because they refused to transfer his credits from his year at Hartland. So he finished his engineering degree at Oklahoma State University where he could live with an elderly church member and come home on weekends. I could have done the same but my life story would be completely different. Hindsight I am certain I made the right decision to complete my degree in Christian Secondary Education at Hartland.

Health Deform and Reform

My second year of academy I booked myself for far too many classes, besides the fact that the school experimented with an earlier breakfast and worship time so I got less sleep. My cousin and her husband had joined the faculty, he as a flight instructor. I signed up for ground school as the first class after dinner. I found it impossible to stay awake so I think I must have failed the class. My health took a real dive that year and ever after that any time that I was under a lot of stress I would crash for a few weeks or months. My third year of academy I suffered a lot of depression and frequently called home crying and wishing I could quit. Mom and Dad wouldn't let me give up though and I'm glad I stuck it out. My senior year things went much better and because I had overloaded the previous years, I had a light load to finish off with. In addition to being tired and depressed, I had frequent bouts with indigestion. Most likely stress related as well. In the conservative circles in which I associated, Health Reform was a hot topic. Unfortunately much of it was Health Deform. In my quest to reach optimal health I bounced like a beach ball through all the various fanatical ideas, trying just about everything. At one of the Steps to Life campmeetings I attended a seminar by a lady who had recovered from cancer by natural means. She insisted that we should all be fruitarians and that vegetables are slightly poisonous. Now I'm sure the administration of the campmeeting did not agree with such fanatical ideas because they served good-tasting vegetable meals in the cafeteria. Too bad they didn't check out her message more thoroughly before giving her the opportunity to hold a seminar. Fortunately my dad talked me out of that stringent diet within a few days. Besides, I found that fruit alone simply couldn't sustain my blood sugar which often dropped too low. At college the dorm had a little kitchen in which I made some of my meals and experimented with other too-stringent diets. The college cafeteria offered a vegan fare using nuts to replace milk, butter, cheese, and oil in the recipes. Between my experiments and the institutional food at one point I completely lost my appetite for food. Fortunately some of the staff members did understand the difference between Health Deform and Health Reform. Hearing of my difficulty the nutritionist's wife, Mrs. Trovsky, took me under her wing and invited me to come and eat with them for a week. The tasty tempting food she made really saved me, and after a week I was eating normally again. During my second summer I lived in the basement of another staff home with three other girls. Sister B allowed us the use of her kitchen. She apparently was doing her own bouncing through ideas at the time too. I remember how much I wanted to eat right and did the best I could. I was devastated when it seemed no matter what I attempted to make she had some reason that it still wasn't the best. For example when I made oat burgers she figured the grains wouldn't have been cooked long enough. She got after her daughter for snitching in her fresh-baked bread because it needed to sit on the counter for three days before the yeast was dead enough to be digestible. (Excuse me, ma'am but this is Virginia and we don't have air conditioning!) [I know that her concepts of health did reform and balance out 2011 New Life Mission Canada 3-2

because she has now goes around the country teaching healthful cooking and has published her own cookbook full of tasty recipes.] I continually worried whether this or that food was bad for me, would give me indigestion, or make me sick. Of course worrying about it causes stress which DOES result in indigestion and sickness. So invariably everything was bad for me. Hypochondria is a real disease with very serious physiological and psychological effects. Of course meat eating was completely taboo. Growing up I had only tasted a little turkey at Thanksgiving a few times so giving up that was no big deal. But milk, eggs, butter, chocolate, cheese, baking powder and soda, sugar, and many other things were treated as sinful. The reasons for this generally given were quotes from the book Counsels on Diet and Foods. This book is a sentence and paragraph compilation in which bare sentences and paragraphs have been pulled from their contexts in letters, manuscripts and articles and re-assembled in a topical order. You can prove just about anything by that method. My Dad got the idea to write down every reference in the book, re-organize it in chronological order, get the original source and read the whole letter, manuscript or article in context. He came to entirely different conclusions on the subject of diet and foods. I definitely recommend this method and I'm sure he'd be happy to share his list of sources. Also the books Ministry of Healing and Christian Temperance and Bible Hygiene which are not compilations are excellent sources with balanced ideas of Health Reform. While there are some good scientific reasons why various articles of food should not be major ingredients in our diet, I don't believe that anyone should be condemned as a sinner for partaking of them on occasion. That is nothing but Phariseeism, legalism, or whatever you want to call it. There is no reason to put anyone on a guilt trip for what they choose to eat. Health Deform does not make a person healthy, loving, kind, patient, and easier to get along with. Health Reform does. The Bible (Owner's Manual) does contain lots of principles which can guide us to the best choices for optimum health of body, mind and soul. But petty rules that everyone must follow or go to hell it certainly does not teach.

Other Extremes
During my college years I bounced through extremes on other issues as well. I was overly conscientious and driven far too much by feelings and impressions. I wrote some letters of confession to persons for things that weren't really sins or that need not have been discussed with others. I threw away a lot of things that I later regretted and even had to go buy again. I just wanted nothing between my soul and my saviour but didn't know how to study and know God's will and God's way for myself. I would have done so much better if I could have bonded with some of the mature Christians that were available among the staff but I didn't take the liberty to confide in anyone. No one knew what I was going through so I struggled on alone interpreting or misinterpreting, applying or misapplying many ideas that floated through the ranks. If for whatever reason (usually too tired to get up) I missed personal morning devotional time, I felt guilty, disconnected, and expected (and thus would) have a difficult, frustrating day. Now I enjoyed personal Bible study and much of my homework would qualify as devotional study/reading but where was that thoughtful hour without the pressure of classwork? The more tired and stressed I was the less capable I was of finding time for devotions, and the less personal devotions I had, the more stressed and tired I became. How to break the vicious cycle I didn't know. I wanted to be able to study and pray 2011 New Life Mission Canada 3-3

as long as necessary until I felt connected. But again, I was relying on feelings which are the foundation of a very unstable Christian experience and life in general.

Student Teaching
After two years of college I had to leave my comfort zone and plunge into the classroom. I hated having to leave the administrative office and teach rebellious staff kids in the academy. The principal did her best to support me but I was really out of my loop. I was the youngest of two growing up at home and nearly the youngest through elementary school. I had never babysat or or lead out in anything where I had to oversee young people. I was completely clueless when it came to discipline or exercising authority of any kind. And if there is any place to challenge the best of teachers, it would be teenage staff kids in a conservative institution. I was no match for the task and dreaded every class period feeling like the kids disliked me just as much. I thought Why oh why couldn't this college offer a degree in office administration? Take me back to the office where I'm respected, loved, appreciated, and successfu1!

Colporteuring
Another college requirement for every student that graduated was to spend a specified number of hours in literature evangelism, otherwise known as colporteuring. Reluctantly I signed up for the very first summer magabook program in 1992, the birthdate of all magabook programs of which today there are hundreds around the globe. Instead of the large, expensive, hardcover books literature evangelists had always sold, we went door-to-door with softcover editions of the same booksGod's Answers to Your Questions (Bible Readings for the Home Circle), He Taught Love (Christ's Object Lessons), Steps to Christ, Desire of Ages, Great Controversy, and some children's books, a health book, and a cookbook. Now it would have been difficult enough for me to meet strangers and give away books, but a salesman I was not. I think only one or two days of the summer my sales exceeded a hundred dollars. Now that would be considered a pretty small day according to today's magabook program average revenues. The schedule I found very trying since we didn't get breakfast until mid-morning and ate out for lunch everyday mid-afternoon, snacking on the run for supper. We stayed in the boys' dorm of Mount Vernon Academy and had to drive an hour or more to our territory. We always worked until after 9 at night and didn't get to bed until after counting the money about 11 pm. This seriously aggravated my health problems. Bouts with hypoglycemia were severe enough with the late and irregular meals. And the kind of food that was available when I did eat did not sustain me for very long. I was hungry all the time and actually felt like I was starving. Nutritionally I certainly was. Add to that the emotional and spiritual stress I was under. My over-active conscience drove me crazy because I was carrying such a weighty load of religious materials that could make or break eternity for the souls I would meet each day. I feared many people would be lost just because I was such a poor salesman and could not convince them of their need to buy and read these books. I prayed and worked and stressed myself to pieces unreasonably. I missed out on the retreat at the end of the summer because I had to go to my student teaching assignment. I left a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual basket casestarved, exhausted, and really depressed. I don't blame my problems on colporteuring though. My leaders really really tried their best to help me and encourage me. But of course this being the first program, they had lots to learn too. Now the schedules are run better, the food is better, and the training is better. I know hundreds of young people have been blessed by doing this gospel work and have earned their way through academy and college. 2011 New Life Mission Canada 3-4

More power to them. It just didn't work for me.

Practicum
Another requirement of my college course was to spend one semester teaching at an academy or high school somewhere. That could be anywhere in the world but the closer the better since I would have to pay the transportation of my department supervisor to come and observe and evaluate me on-site. I decided to go to a self-supporting academy in Tennessee, about 4 hours East of Nashville and 1.5 hours NW of Chattanooga. They hired me to teach consumer math and Sophomore English. I think I was supposed to begin by observing the teacher and then gradually take over the classroom. But in this case the school handed me the textbooks, told me what needed to be covered, and said go to it. My math classes went well as I only had three or four students and could spend quality time with them. Besides math was one subject I did well in and so we all enjoyed that class time. Sophomore English was another story. There were students that enjoyed English and excelled at it, others that hated English and struggled with it, some that seemed to respect and appreciate my efforts to teach them and others that had a real sour attitude because they just didn't want to be at that school at all. Not my fault of course but it made some days in the classroom rather difficult. The reading curriculum was on a set of cards where each student could work at a different level, reading a selection and doing exercises. There were a number of story selections that were not at all congruent with the specified mission statement of this Christian school so I took them out. Much as I would have like to entirely change the curriculum, it was not in my liberty to do. So I did the best I could and sensed that the students respected me for it. One of the boys finished the entire course early so I gave him Education or some similar book to read and write reports on each chapter. He did very well. The best part was when I offered to tutor two young ladies that struggled with spelling and reading. My college classes had included training with the Writing Road to Reading course by Romalda Spaulding. This is a phonics based program that demonstrates that there are actually very few exceptions to the spelling of English words when you understand the phonics and the rest of the rules. I was thrilled by it because although I was good at memorizing the way words are spelled, now it finally made sense. The young ladies I tutored found it just as exciting. It was sad though that we didn't have time to finish the program that semester and I had to return to college for the next. But at least it gave them a glimpse of the possibility that they really could excel at spelling if it was taught correctly. (I have heard since that there are other phonics programs such as All About Spelling which is based on the same principles. Of course I highly recommend the one I learned on and plan to use it in homeschooling my cherubs.)

Observations
In addition to my own teaching I was to observe in other classrooms. The principal taught the Bible classes so I sat in on them. I observed that the Bible teacher did not have the respect of the students. They seemed to dislike Bible class. Here I found discipline to be a problem again. I had no idea how to exercise authority, gain respect, or when and how to dish out discipline. There was no point in sending them to the principal if they didn't respect him either and would come back with just as sour an attitude as before. The English teacher also taught history. He was the kind to really make history interesting and lively. But some of the stories he chose to tell to make it that way.....well, let's just not go there. 2011 New Life Mission Canada 3-5

The algebra teacher amazed me. If I could have sat in his class every day and learned all my teaching skills from him that would have been awesome. The students respected him. He could make algebra make sense to the dullest mind. And many times he sat in the back and let the students do the teaching. Volunteers would stand at the chalkboard and work the problems as best they could as he would walk them through any difficult parts. He helped them think it through themselves and somehow or another he blended in biblical principles so that the students were learning more Bible in the Algebra class than they were in the Bible classroom! I thought perhaps it just came natural to some teachers to know how to gain the respect of the students and others were just out of luck. I didn't have what it took. Neither did the principal. But other staff members did. What made the difference??? Well, actually I did connect with a few students, but not very many. So maybe that was a start. Discipline committee was another place I had to observe. One young man had gotten into trouble of some kind and had to appear before the committee. I felt sorry for him. He broke down and shed tears and begged for forgiveness and help to overcome. I felt really really bad when I heard the kind of help they had to offer. I knew that version of the gospel only spelled further hopelessness. I wanted to offer him something better, something that really worked. But being only a student teacher on observation, I was not at liberty to speak up. I soon realized that this institution had the same problem most conservative, self-supporting institutions had: every wind of doctrine whirled about. You could find every version of the gospel and pseudo gospel there, futurism, Phariseeism, liberalism, conservativism, you name it, it was there. So what can you expect the students to do if the staff can't agree on what is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I really felt for them. The confusion was rampant. What a power for converting young people this place could be if there were one Lord, one faith, and one baptism of the Spirit.

Personality Testing
One of the extras that was brought in to help the students was a personality test. They used the most common one you find in Christian circles which divides the personality into percentages of four categories: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholy. I had met this at OA before and done a bit of my own research. My Mom had come across a book called Tempera Mysticism written by a former Astrologist that demonstrates how certainly this was all borrowed from astrology. I happened to have that book in my collection so I left it lying around in the staff lounge for a few days in case it might interest anyone. Finally the principal's wife who worked in the office next door demanded to know if it was my book and if I would please take it out of there. Sure it's mine, I'll be happy to put it away if it bothers you. When Christians go searching in Astrology and Eastern Mysticism and other religions for answers to their problems, it is too much like the king that sought for healing from the gods of Ekron. Is there no God in Israel, or power in the Blood of Christ to free us from bondage to our personality and character defects? If we haven't found the Balm of Gilead in the Word, we certainly won't find it elsewhere. Aside from its origins, I have found this personality test to not be the least bit helpful in encouraging Christian growth. Remember the serenity prayer? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This test mixes together personality traits and character traits blended so finely together that you cannot possibly tell the difference. If you can't figure out what can and cannot be changed, then how can you grow more and more like Christ? Usually this test seemed to lead people to excuse their faults as that's just the 2011 New Life Mission Canada 3-6

way I am, take it or leave it. Why do we try to make it so complicated when the Apostle Paul makes both discerning the difference and the way to change what we can so easy? 19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christs have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Ga 5:19-25 AV) If you are working in the flesh you will have the fruit of the flesh in your life. But if the Spirit of God, you will bear the fruit of the Spirit: 1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: 4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. 8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. 10 And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. 12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. 13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. 14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. 15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. (Ro 8:1-15 AV) 6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7 For he that is dead is freed from sin. 8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: 9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. 10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God. 11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. (Ro 6:6-13 AV) I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily. (1Co 15:31 AV) And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve;... but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. (Jos 24:15 AV)

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Culture Shock
In addition to my teaching assignments, I was required to work in one of the campus industries just like all the other staff members did. One of those industries was a nursing home and I was scheduled in as a kitchen supervisor. Two or three days a week I had to be at work at 5 am. The other days I worked the 10-6 shift. I found it very difficult again physically to be alternating back and forth. Also, the standards of this kitchen were the opposite extreme to what I had been taught at college. Sure it was still vegetarian, but the amount of milk, eggs, and oil used to replace meat in the diet was quite excessive. The excuse given by the dietician was that it was hard enough to convince the State to grant them a license to feed the people vegetarian, that they couldn't go any stricter. But honestly I couldn't see how anyone would be anything but helped by cutting the quantities of oil and eggs at least in half. When I was the only supervisor present, we did cook as healthfully as we could considering the ingredients we had available. The students seemed quite happy to go along with it, at least they never got me in trouble for it anyway. I began to wonder if young people respect persons with high standards more than not, especially when they can give a sensible reason for the standard. Due to the condition of my body and mind when I began the semester of school, I suffered from lots and lots of depression. I was very very lonely, having no friends at all and no one that I could confide in about my struggles with the differences in discipline, theology, diet, and standards. I guess you would call it culture shock. My only refuge to keep my sanity together was the fact that the campus was rurally located. I would take my pocket hymnal on long walks and sing and sing and sign the depression away. I also made frequent use of the grand piano in the chapel. A few weekend trips to Chattanooga also helped. I had a high school friend there who had a homemade recording studio and I really appreciated his help in making a sound track of my favorite songs to sing. What a relief it was when that semester ended and I could return to the security of Hartland College and the friends I had left behind.

Stay Tuned for Part 4.

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