La feminista I am a feminist in a machismo country.

I believe in equal parenting roles when my host mother is washing the dishes after cooking a meal and my host father is out working, not coming home on weeknights. I believe in equal sexuality in a society where there exists a double standard between the genders, where there exists the idealization of a womans virginity, but nothing mentioned of a mans. I believe in equal power dynamics, and here I am, being told from every direction that I should take extra precautions when walking at night because I am a young woman. This is not the equality that I so strongly live by. I am not a Feminazi the male-hating stereotype that many people mistake me for. Feminazism is the beast that evokes fear in your heart; it is the reason why so many people who are feminists do not selfidentify with such ideology. Dont mistake me for a feminist, they say, but I do believe in equal rights. I ask, do you believe in equal pay? Do you appreciate the womans ability to vote? Do you want to end sexism for all? Well then, my friend, you believe in feminism. To clarify, I consider myself a true feminist one that believes in the parity of the genders. More closely, this is achieved by examining the contributions of women, something that has not been traditionally and historically valued. I do not seek to make man the enemy in fact, true feminism recognizes the oftennegative implications that gender stereotyping has on both women and men (but this is a topic for another day). True feminism is equal rights for everyone. Sin embargo, of all the words I have heard used to describe the Ecuadorian society, equal is not one of them. Part one: the mother/father parenting dichotomy Mam is your typical Ecuadorian mother. She stays at home and runs errands for the majority of the time. She lets Pap bring home the bread, but she is the one who decides what to do with it. She is the overseer and the slave. Mam has cooked me meals, washed my dishes, emptied my trash, cleaned my floor, and washed my clothes. She wakes up before I go to class to make sure I have hot water for my tea and doesnt sleep until the house is quiet at night. If I am out late, she wakes up when I come home to make sure everything is okay. The amazing part is that Mam has already been doing this for three children and a husband. Her life is dedicated to those around her. In her spare time, she goes to cooking classes for the benefit of the family. She refuses to let me wash the plates, always insisting that its her job. If you need anything, dont hesitate to holler at me, she tells me daily. She is constantly ready to tackle any domestic obstacle that comes her way. Mam has a strong desire to travel, but her domestic obligations are stronger. She is the foundation of the family and cant afford to go anywhere for long periods of time. She watches as Pap pulls out of the driveway in the car (she doesnt drive). She waves goodbye, tears swelling in her eyes, as my older siblings fly off to Mexico and Spain to continue their studies. She sees my younger sister and me off to school in the mornings, waiting for our returns in the afternoon. But she herself remains grounded at the center. In the end, we will always come back to her. I have always feared this kind of mother. I have always feared this stereotype of the woman who is evergiving, who loses her own identity because she is so caught up in the lives of others. She gets sucked into the Motherhood Mandate, never questioning the assumed naturalness of her role in the family. Her work

is unpaid, unvalued, and invisible. She is oblivious to the fact that in actuality, she doesnt owe her family anything. I have thought long and hard about these thoughts. Am I being harsh and judgmental? Am I being culturally ignorant? I find it hard to balance the two, tradition and modernity. On the one hand, I often question why we idealize a modern society, but on the other, I feel that the traditional mother/father parenting dichotomy is out-dated and quite detrimental to a womans gender expectation. I am aware that many women take pride in being the central pillar of the family, but at the same time, her work is often taken for granted and under-valued, if given any value at all. I will also note that my mother used to work as a secretary when she was younger. Again, I am faced with two very different viewpoints. I fully encourage the working woman and am happy to see that females are filling their half of the work force, but this also creates more strain on a womans gender roles. It is great that she can work in the public, but back in the private sector, she is must return to her household chores. This Super-mom phenomenon only doubles the work of the mother, because although she is working more in the productive sphere, the father is not always expected to contribute to domestic duties. The mother/father parenting dichotomy still exists in all parts of the world, but I feel it is magnified in many Latin American countries such as Ecuador. Here, gender roles are deeply rooted in tradition, as demonstrated by my family and the families of my peers. I personally feel that a more equal parenting plan is in need, but I also recognize that this is not the cultural norm. My main concern is that due to the parenting dichotomy, too many children lack a sufficient or appropriate paternal influence. Recently I have noticed radio broadcasts pertaining to the new constitution and changing lifestyles to better ones standard of living. One of the points mentioned was the obligation of equal efforts made by both parents in terms of household responsibilities and child-rearing. I hope that fathers in generations to come will consider integrating more into their familys lives. -Part two: sexuality I have a thirteen-year-old sister, Nati. Recently she was wearing a flirty pink shirt that read, Trata de seducirme. Do you fear for Nati in such a rapidly-changing world? I asked Mam later. Claro, she replied, and started to talk about the loss of innocence in Ecuadorian youth. She worried about teenage curiosity and sexually aggressive boys. Children are losing their virginities at younger and younger ages, she lamented. And as always, there is a double-standard that expects different things for females and males, I added. Sexuality is a controversial topic that Ive had personal debates with countless times. Where to start on this subject, especially when it pertains to Ecuador? There is so much to say, so I will begin with the surface issue appearance. As a woman, there is already so much pressure to be beautiful and sexy. In our patriarchal societies, we are always at the will of men. We wear what we think they want us to wear to make them happy and to get attention. I heavily blame advertising, because by commercializing an ideal look and constantly telling us that we are not perfect, we are driven to consume. We are always chasing that image, and there is never enough make-up or clothing or hair dye for us to perfect ourselves with. Thanks to psychology, big companies can feed on our socially-constructed body insecurities. Before coming to Ecuador, Pitzer demanded that we take conservative precautions in terms of dress. For example, we were not to wear heels higher than one inch and had to make sure that our shoulders and cleavage were appropriately covered. However, a month into my stay, I noticed that many local Ecuadorian women greatly defied these rules of modesty. All women from business ladies to mothers at home seemed to be wearing high heels, many of which were dangerously thin and high. They loved

tight-fitting jeans that showed off their curves and did not go easy on their make-up. Apparently, more meant better, whether it was more eyeshadow, designer brands, or skin. Yesterday I saw a woman wearing red stilettos, a skirt that ended quite above her knees, and a taut buttonup shirt that gave passers-by a very good idea of what her upper body looked like. What kind of image is she trying to present? I thought to myself. I had been told that Quito was conservative, but it was clear that all the males in the vicinity did not object to this display of meat and skin. They were having a field day, being very obvious about what they thought of her. On a deeper level, what does this illustrate about the sexual roles that women are expected to play? What do women who dress like this tell young girls like Nati about how to behave? As always, we are faced with the Madonna/whore dichotomy either you are innocent and pure, or you are tainted and foul. I am not proud to say that, as someone who has taken womens studies classes, I was quick to stereotype this scantily-clad woman as the latter. I did not even know her, and I had not hesitated to judge her based on our social constructions of gender. Part of the problem is rooted in the unnecessary taboo of sexual activity. For me, sexual pleasure is not just a thing for the male population anymore. However, it seems to be quite different in Ecuador. Many hours of class have been devoted to talking about this machista society, recognizing the different expectations we have for the genders. For example, Here in particular, a womans virginity is often idealized, my teachers have told us time and time again. Families will value the virginity of future wives, although this is not important in a future husband. Boys, after all, will always be boys; no one can help that. As a consequence, girls become the targets and the victims. Families try to protect their daughters, but they are not fighting the right battle. They should also be teaching their sons to respect. A girl is taught how to say no, but a boy is not taught how to say please. Sometimes, in Ecuador, a boy will not even ask for your permission to become novios, a teacher said. Sometimes, a kiss on the cheek is enough for him to claim you as his novia. I find that in Ecuador, we are wrapped up in all-too-many layers of tradition and religion in terms of sexual freedom. We excuse men for their behavior, attributing uncontrollable desires to biology. They can cat-call and holler at us as we walk down the streets, because they think they have a right to do so. They can stare at me fixedly and tell me, Que linda, ma, as I rush off to class on any given day. A woman would never dare to reciprocate. This is the hard part about being a feminist in a machismo society; we lack appropriate information about sexuality and equal rights. Women are not sex objects; we should not have to feel uncomfortable walking down the streets in our own neighborhoods. I have somewhat adapted to this social norm, for the most part blocking it out to save myself from the humiliation. --How do we combat the men who think they own women? As an extranjera caught between two cultures, I still dont know how to face this problem completely. Ignorance doesnt solve the problem, but I cant change sexism in one fell swoop. I can only work on a personal level, spreading the word of equality poco a poco. Feminism is about choice, and to the best of my ability, I choose to set my own standards about womanhood.