1. Often the problem is just a misunderstanding. We refuse to give any benefit of the
other person's intention. We assume they deliberately did a wrong against us.
2. More often, there is some wrong, but it is exagerated with our suspicion.
3. Then sometimes, there are just those plain hard wrongs done against people.
It doesn't take many days on earth to experience a wrong against yourself. If you forgive,
then no seeds of an unforgiving spirit are planted in your heart. If you respond with
unforgivingness, then you have a seed in your heart that slowly but surely develops
into a root of bitterness. God has not made our systems to manage this bitterness. The
scriptures say,
"See to it
that no one comes short of the grace of God;
that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble,
and by it many be defiled;"
(Hebrews 12:15, NASB).
Roots develop from the seed and supply a network for nourishment and security for that
seed. Unforgivingness always develops bitter roots in our hearts. These roots of bitterness
then attempt to spread to our whole life.
Both ways would legally and morally be effective. I chose the former. If I chose the later,
I would feel somewhat indebted to him for his generosity. Besides he didn't offer!
How does this work with moral debts? When a person has offended us, they have made
a moral debt to us and God. They have acted less than they should have behaved. We do
not have power to deal with their debt to God. God has worked that problem through
Christ as we have earlier discussed.
But what can we do to someone who morally owes us? In most cases, we cannot
perfectly bring about restitution. There is no way they can pay us back. We wish the
world was so easy. But when people are hurt, a child molested, violence is done, financial
restitution does not relieve the debt. It is a beginning which shows seriousness of
understanding their wrong. What can do?
We can simply forgive them. We recognize that we could hold it against them. They do
owe you. However, God does not like it when we do not forgive. Many people use an
unforgiving spirit to bring a sense of judgment on that person. God however, says that
revenge is His prerogative "Revenge is mine," thus says the Lord. Forgiveness is a
decision on our part to simply release another person from moral guilt.
More than often we have some fault of spirit (attitude) or lack of concern for others. We
need to ask God to help us identify these problems. God in Jeremiah 17:9 says,
"The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand
it?"
Like David in Psalm 139:23-24, we need to plead for Him to search our own actions and
attitudes.
Key point >> Discover your faults from your life. We can pretty much trust God to care
for others who have hurt us.
o We are hurt. Someone has deeply hurt us. We often pride ourselves in
being able to handle things, but our wounds in fact reveal our inability on
our own to handle the situation. Someone's words have hurt us. Written
words whether in emails or letters have upset us. Add these things to the
many other wrong things that have been done. If we are not forbearing and
forgiving, we will soon get bitter and angry.
Key point >> You need to address each offended party and tell them the grievance you
have done and how it probably hurt them emotionally. This includes an honest
conversation with yourself on how you were offended by what you thought someone did.
• An unforgiving spirit poisons ones own heart with bitterness. We have already
addressed that.
• 'Can't forgive oneself ' implies a resistance to change and therefore makes
reconciliation impossible.
• Without reconciliation, sour relationships will persist until death.
• More than often, their hatred infects their descendants and they live bitter lives.
Perhaps we should think of our will as a hate list.
• Great emotional pain and misery is associated with those who live bitter lives.
This is partly due to no good friends. They cannot tolerate the bitter comments.
• Diseases follows this path of bitterness. Our bodies cannot handle this unforgiving
heart.
• A scary future. God will not forgive those who do not forgive others.
• Although they claim to be right, they in fact cause further wrong to be done
because of their unforgiving heart. They can never bring proper revenge.
• All the joys in life meant to be theirs is dashed in some ashes of bitterness.
In summary,
The best way to deal with deep wounds about our failures is to find God's forgiveness,
make due apologies and restitution to the best we are able and commit ourselves to living
rightly. We have done wrong. We undoubtedly deserve the worst. But if our Savior died
in our stead to help us, shall we dam ourselves to a judgment that no longer exists?!
The apostle Paul called himself the worst of sinners. His solution was to seek God for
extra grace to help more people. If Jesus did not condemn Paul to a life of shame but as
an honored apostle, then we should follow this pattern of grace. Paul used his own
wicked past to testify how God can forgive others. Remember, he would not be able to
bring back the lives of those innocent Christians that he had killed. He could only trust
God to bring about a greater grace.
" I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me
faithful, putting me into service; even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a
persecutor and a violent aggressor. And yet I was shown mercy, because I acted
ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith
and love which are [found] in Christ Jesus. It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full
acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am
foremost [of all.] And yet for this reason I found mercy, in order that in me as the
foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience, as an example for those
who would believe in Him for eternal life." (I Timothy 1:12-16)
These offenses should never have happened. But just as Christ came to save and not to
judge, so we need to operate from love and grace rather than by judgment. By forgiving a
person, we are not saying they are good or that no harm came. Not at all. We are merely
stating that we are not personally going to hold it against them. We relieve them of that
debt.
For example, "Those words you said yesterday about me being a bit fat really hurt. I
pretended they didn't, but I don't want this to deteriorate our relationship. Upon
confrontation, they should interrupt and apologize especially if they are a friend. You
should forgive them. Do not say it doesn't matter! It did