(This is an excerpt from The Seven Checkpoints by Andy Stanley & Stuart Hall

Cultural Lies
This endless proliferation of sexually oriented media messages marketed specifically to teenagers makes our job
much more difficult. It is not enough for us to redefine the nature of sex for our students. We must also address the one –
side messages they are continually exposed to.
Here are six themes that are overtly and covertly woven into the culture, entertainment, and literature aimed at our
teens:

1. Everybody is having sex

To begin with, this is not a true statement. Secondly, it is not an argument for or against anything. It is simply a
statement. The fact that everybody is doing something is not an argument in favor of that something. Because
someone else does or does not do something is not a reason for our students to do it or not do it. We need to
remind our teens that those students who are not having sex don’t talk about it. There is nothing for them to talk
about. There is a silent majority among peers. As youth leaders we need to do everything we can to identify and
honor that silent majority.
2. You cant live without sex
Nobody says this directly, but it is certainly implied in much of the music of our culture. I know I have talked to
many teenage girls through the years who admitted that they thought boys “had to have sex.” They weren’t sure
where they heard this, but they assumed it was true. One young lady told me that she assumed her boyfriend was
having sex with somebody somewhere since she wouldn’t sleep with him. It may come as a shock to some of our
students, but no one has ever died from not having sex. Yet thousands of people have died from AIDS and other
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) as a result of their sexual activity.
3. sex is a natural part of a loving relationship
If this is true, why cant those students who are so sexually active maintain long-term, loving relationships? I have
counseled literally hundreds of students, and it is clear to me that sex is one of the primary reasons teenage
relationships fall apart. Instead of sex making the relationship better, it drives a wedge between the two parties. If
students want to know about real, fulfilling, long-term, loving relationships, direct them to an adult who has one.
4. sex is a natural part of growing up
The truth is sex keeps people from growing up. Our culture argues that the more sexual experience teenagers
have, the more grown-up they become. On the contrary, nature itself tells us it is not natural to have multiple sex
partners. There are more than fifty types of venereal diseases that have been identified to date. Many are treatable
but incurable. Some can even kill. Not only is it not natural to have multiple sex partners, its not a healthy way to
grow up.
5. sex outside of marriage would cease to be a problem if teens would just wear condoms
This widely held myth is the clearest indication that our society has divorced sex from intimacy and relationship.
Everyone is warning students about the physical consequences of unprotected sex. Nobody is warning them about
the emotional and relational consequences.
The message society sends is that the only problems related to sex before marriage are disease and pregnancy. If
we stamp out unwanted pregnancy and STDs, we will have stamped out all the consequences of premarital sex.
Right? Wrong! Condoms do nothing to block the mental and emotional consequences of sex. A condom cant:
• erase memory
• remove guilt
• restore a reputation
• repair self-esteem
6. Sex makes life better
The truth is, sex outside of marriage doesn’t make life better; it makes life more complicated. I will never forget
my conversation with a woman who came to see me years ago. At that time Jenny was in her early thirties and
had been divorced for eight years. She had only been a Christian for about six months. As soon as she sat down
she said, “I have two questions. The first one is about the church, and the second one is personal.”
I honestly can’t remember her first question. But her second question is forever etched in my memory. She
looked me right in the eye and said, OK, about sex. Does the stuff in the Bible about sex being only for married
people apply to somebody like me, or is it just for teenagers?”
At first I didn’t know what to say. I knew what I believed, but I wasn’t sure hot to communicate it. Jenny noticed
my hesitation. She went on to explain that since she had been married before, she wasn’t sure if she was expected
to remain celibate. From her perspective, not having sex seemed like an unreasonable expectation.
I stalled as long as I could. She deserved an answer. But I knew her faith was new and still quite immature. I
was just about to launch into my “sex is for marriage only” sermonette when a question suddenly popped into my
mind. To this day I believe God rescued both of us by turning my thoughts and words into a different direction.
I looked at Jenny and said, “Before I answer that question, let me ask you a question. Has sex outside of your
marriage made your life better or just more complicated?”
She dropped her head and stared at the floor for a moment. Then she began to cry. Through sobs, she forced out
her answer: “More complicated.”
I waited for a minute before I said gently, “Jenny, that’s why God has reserved sex for marriage.”