Contributors: Waldo, Keir, & Steve "I've made it a point never to watch anyone's student film. I usually tell people, 'I'll hire you--as long as I don't have to watch your student film!' Most student films feature two things--a not particularly attractive girl running towards the camera, and a suicide. If it's a comedy, it features a not particularly attractive girl and a dog. I should know. I made one, and so did my son. But these kids are stealing jobs from me, so they must be doing something right." Chuck Workman Chairman of the Director's Guild of America's Academic liaison subcomittee (As quoted in Billy Frolick's What I Really Want To Do Is Direct)
SUCK!
D.U.M.P.S. contains not the usual advice you get in film school about the elements of good screenwriting. No, no. Rather, it is a very specific list of common mistakes and trends which we've seen in crappy student films again and again at screening after screening. Before you even think of making a student film, read this list. If you're a genius, then go ahead--- break these rules. But let's face it, if you think you're a genius, you're not. So play it safe and spare your audiences the uneasy task of having to lie when you ask, "So- what did you think?" Let the list of sucking begin!
Dolly/Zoom
No question. This is the most egregious, blatantly non-creative, non-cool, total student film
red
flag. Sure, Hitchcock used it in Vertigo, Spielberg used it Jaws, but enough is enough. It's
cliched, overused, goofy, and overall a bad idea. By the way, what we're talking about here is a simultaneous Dolly-in/Zoom-out or vice-versa which compresses the background while keeping the
subject at a fixed size during the shot. A student-film no-no. (The dolly/zoom is such a mark of a student film, it's a joke in the opening of THE BIG PICTURE.)
The story goes like this. A struggling artist (writer/painter/sculptor/musician -- 90% of the time, it's a writer) grapples with some sort of inner conflict, (a dead relative, writers deadline, religious confusion, etc). Our tormented soul encounters a muse (beautiful woman, endearing older character, magical artifact, etc) who helps the protagonist come to a sort of realization which ultimately opens the creative floodgates and allows the character to succeed (finish the novel, paint the painting, sculpt the likeness of the muse, or perform at the big recital). The Tortured Artist Film usually involves a so-called "man vs. himself" struggle which is guaranteed to put you to sleep in the first two minutes. Related to this is the "introspective shot" which usually features the main character staring into space for a good minute (usually smoking a cigarette). File this under "Pretentious as Shit."
Dream Sequences
If you don't want your student film to look like a friggin' episode of Kung Fu, stay away from dream sequences, Grasshopper. A dream sequence generally says "I couldn't think of a better way to reveal information about the character than this." So-called "funny" dream sequences are usually not.
Time-Elapse Montage
You've got say, 15 minutes to get your point across in a short film. Every second of screen time should be treated like gold. A time-elapse montage not only demonstrates an inability to structure your film pacing-wise, it makes the audience wait unnecessarily. Try to find a simple and efficient way to indicate the passage of time without resorting to this too easy narrative device.
Bad Audio
You can have a real nice looking short film, but if the sound is bad, the film itself comes across as bad. Nothing gives away a student film like the soundtrack. Budgets are tight, sure, but many student directors simply don't place any importance and give any thought to what their film sounds like. The result is often a beautiful picture with a badly mixed, distracting audio experience.
In the same vein, if you're making a 16mm film, be aware of how crappy the 16mm optical track is going to sound (which is REALLY bad) and try to prepare for it. And now, free of charge, a canonical list of BAD musical soundtrack instruments: 1. Synthesizer (the "porn" soundtrack)
Examples include-- the gratuitous "fishbowl in the foreground" shot, the "overhead for no reason 'cept we're shooting in a soundstage" shot, the "we think it's cool canted dutch angle shot" and perhaps most insidiously the "fridge POV shot", otherwise known as the "put the camera inside the
trashcan/toilet/mailbox shot". Ok, maybe you need to get this stuff out of your system, but just be warned, it's total cheese.
Ultraslow Dialogue
A film professor once told me that on a film set, one second of "real" time equals three seconds of film time. Something to remember. Watch a student film and notice how often there are long pauses between lines of dialogue. Why is this? I don't know, but if you watch the average "real" film, you'll see that the dialogue often occurs ultra fast. Maybe it's because we can hear faster than people normally speak. Who knows. A side note-- these pauses also extenuate bad lines of dialogue. A poorly written line is going to hang in the air like a fart if not closely followed by a fresh line to cleanse the air like a gentle breeze...
Blatant Miscasting
1. The audience can tell when you cast your significant other as the romantic object of desire.
2. Don't try to pass off someone who is shall we say, "fugly", as a supermodel.
3. In the same vein, why do so many student films cast SAG boy wonders as the "computer nerd" who can't get a date?
4. Mismatched couples. Be honest: "Do you believe that SHE would go out with HIM?" Make sure the answer is "yes." The audience can only suspend their disbelief so much.
5. Don't have your friends play "older characters." The baby powder grey hair trick doesn't work. Neither do the fake beards.
"Eyebrow acting"
It may work at the Golden Tugboat Dinner Theatre, but it don't come off on film. What's eyebrow acting? It's an overly expressive use of facial muscles more suited to miming than screen acting. This acting technique is only acceptable in films where the characters have sex within the first four minutes.
If you've ever sat through a screening of student films, you'll notice that often the ones that are best received are the shorter films. Now it could be argued that this is due to the simple fact that they suck and less sucking is better than more sucking. It could also be because the audience is sitting through many many student films in one evening and appreciates the shorter ones because it means the whole thing will end sooner. In the short narrative film genre, every moment is precious. It's to your advantage to make your film short but sweet-- for one thing, shorter films cost less, take less time to edit, and allow you more time to focus on making your film as tight and well designed as possible. Ask yourself when writing (and editing) the film-- is this scene necessary? Is this moment necessary? What does it do for the audience? We call this The "Get In And Get Out" Principal. Don't cram a full length feature into the short film style. Do what your film needs to do and then get the hell out. Remember, longer isn't necessarily better. Less is more.
A good short film has got to be a collection of good ideas, not one good idea stretched out for fifteen minutes. In any event, at least make an attempt to fill your time with stuff that's actually interesting to someone other than yourself. I don't know how many bad student films I've seen that are actually about the filmmaker's uninteresting life or contain vignettes that go on and on and on. Before you shoot, make a list of all the "good ideas" in the script. You should have lots of them. How's that for a generic tip?
This one is zany. A character walks INTO THE CAMERA LENS! And then we fade to black, or more commonly, cut to the reverse-- someone walking AWAY FROM THE CAMERA LENS! OOOooo! What a good idea...
Keep dissolves to a minimum. They are not synonymous with cuts. Same goes for wipes, keys, etc. The 80's are over. Video effects suck.
far-fetched reconciliations of the two. Filmmakers, please: if you must write one of these and want to be taken seriously, at least do a little research so you don't insult real scientists in the audience. #2. The Venting film. Broke up with your boy/girlfriend? Please, don't make a movie about it! It's dangerous-- These self-examinatory "why my ex dumped me" films that turn into long diatribes about the nature of love, the nature of mankind, etc. are rarely insightful and usually about as interesting as listening to a friend complaining about a relationship gone bad. In short, philosophical examinations of human existence and relationships, when discussed on an abstract level, will almost guarantee that the audience will become bored and/or confused.
Often in film school, the only aesthetic advice you will get is "Don't use zooms." Screw that. Zooms are NOT on this list. That's because zooms, while potential cheese, can be used even at the student level effectively and are much cooler than most film schools even understand
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