Divorce Proof Marriage
Divorce Proof Marriage
Source: Book: Divorce Proof Marriage. Authors: Gary and Barbara Rosberg
Adaptation: Veronika Wiens
Jesus gave an example of service, servant love, when he washed the feet of his
disciples. None of us is greater than our master, Jesus. None of us is above
service. No one can avoid his example. Furthermore, none of us can afford to
miss out on the blessing that Jesus promised to those who minister to others
through servant love. And couples who wish to divorce-proof their marriages
must practice servant love.
We need to be clear that service does not imply that we are bound to slavery.
When Jesus set out to serve, that this love flowed from self-will not from
coercion, from strength not from weakness, from joy not from guilt. It is
positively liberating.
One of the biggest problems couples have is that spouses measure each
other's need for service on a reciprocal basis. The best some do is to operate
according to the popular 50/50 plan, the philosophy of I'll meet your needs if you
meet mine. In this plan, marriage becomes a matter of transactions and
compromises in which the spouses keep track so that neither gets more than
the other nor gives more than the other. The goal is to satisfy the other half.
To be fair, some couples who live by this rule are generous with each other and
happy to some extent, but love spread almost never results in spouses feeling
honored and understood. Since neither is able to determine which half is which,
each is left to inspect the other's performance from the jadedness of their own
perspective.
In a 50/50 marriage, service and submission to each other are usually replaced
by a strong emphasis on getting what one rightfully deserves. In this kind of
relationship there is someone who is absent, the person who wants to live right
in the middle of a marriage, the one who makes the rules and acts as a
mediator between your needs and those of your spouse. That person is Jesus
Christ, who not only provides us with the example, but also the power to serve
in love through the word of God and the Holy Spirit.
- Helpful love allows both parties to feel honored and understood. If you
want to feel understood, if you want to feel satisfied, if you want to feel
honored, build a marriage that overflows with servant love. If each of
you is one hundred percent committed to understanding and meeting
the needs of the other, you will both enjoy one hundred percent honor
and understanding as a result of this mutual commitment.
If Christ governs us, this implies doing everything possible to discover
and satisfy each other's deepest needs, lavishing honor and
understanding on each other. And because they have the same goal,
the dream becomes reality. Marriage does not deprive dreams, but is
the reason for them.
- tell others how important she is to you, carry her picture in your wallet.
- eat together
EXPRESS
- express, what you think, what you need
- keep the spouse in the center when he/she expresses him/herself, give
him/her room to express him/herself fully, without interruptions, without
answers.
LISTEN
If you want your spouse to tell you frankly what is in his or her heart, you must
convey it with the absolute certainty that he or she is giving you his or her full
attention. It's not easy to listen carefully, it can be hard to hold back from
jumping in with a solution, but listening is the key to understanding your
spouse's needs.
RESPOND
Do not impose, but clarify and fully understand what your spouse is saying. This
communication skill is called responding.
Communication of needs flows freely in an atmosphere of total acceptance.
Therefore, it is imperative that husbands and wives grow unceasingly in order to
satisfy this fundamental and priority need in each other. We should extend open
arms to our spouse assuring them, you can tell me anything. You can trust me.
Discuss and write down the five needs of your partner, for that a help, that each
partner will have their own order.
Talk, listen, write down and make a plan how to honor each other, so that you
can practice it on vacation days or holidays coming up, so that those days of
being together are not days of war or great frustrations.