Raaill,pwCaan+-o,lraM A *h;4*.l41 P""14.

4/ e^At',,L

\Voh**1
\ t*1
From: RC Cul-ture Labs, Washington Heights
TO: Heeb HQ, deep in the heart of Brooklyrr
RE: Heeb t'lagazine, I""11
?_ .
j gaitoo note: I wasrecently contactedby
To the cats at Heeb:
t the folks ar Heeb and told ttrat my letter,
in an edited fonn, would be printed in the
OK, I get it. 1. .fewj-sh kids' dig black culture (Word to 'Ifyou're
upcorningissue.I was told,
Your Bubbe, Beatbox in Ramallah ad nauseum.). 2. Jews onc ofthc 500 or so pcople who rcally
get nostalgic about klezner and yiddish
can be vulgar, too (A1 Goldstein, and hey, what. happened and run offto.klezkamp and connectwith
to the Annie Sprinkle feature?) 3. FundamenEalists are judaism in thaf renaissance-fairkind of
dumb (Tammy Faye St,arlight, see also 2. ,Jews can be way, thc Forwerd and Momeut ptobably
rmlgaq, too). Du!, duh and no shit, Sherlock. For this cover thal pretty well" so yort shouldjust
readabout it [seemy lefier for the
the ,Jewish instiEutional world should be forkinq over cultural rif in question]there. Our
the big bucks? readerswouldjust think it's stupid
I
(which is why rrc will cdit ftat part from
your lettcr- it's compclling up until the4
I did enjoy some of your features in issue two, including and then frlls flat- our readcrswiU
the inEerview with Naomi Klein. K1ein is right; people, and laugh."ObviouslyI don't think it's
h"y, Iet's not beat around the bush in a magazine stupi4 andI donltthink you will frnd it
.i
explicitly aimed at ,Jews, ,fewish peopTe long for community stupi4 cither. So, hcre it is, cultural
\ chccrleadingand all.
based on someEhing more than buying power - the JAP model -
or the def erred eult.ure insurance pl-an- Israel. So what I honcsly give mad props to the Heeb
does oui rootless, eosmopolitan, mind bogglingly rich and cditors for actually getting offthcir asscs
and producing sonicthitrg.It's too casyto
exilific history have to offer the comparison culture criticize Aom onc's safecorner ofthc
shopper? According Eo Heeb, not much besides trendy world; it's a lot hardcr to put younelf out
cooptation of oLher, mostly darker, cultures and the there.for all thc world to sec.That
you rrranna docsu't meanwc can't havc a halthy,
opportunity to be as narcissistic as be. That is, loving exchangcof ideasamongtribc
Jewishness is only interesting so far as it allows you to , mcmbcrs.Pcaccand irie vibes to dl the
see yourse-Lf eve4n'rhere. Elvis? Yup, technj-cally we mighf i cas at Heeb.
'
be related. Black folks? Hey, avadim hayinu, we were once I Among others I don't want to hateme or
slaves, too! Esperanto? Invented by, you guessed itl Serial i considcr lcgal action: my culhral herosal
killers? No problem, I've got Berkowitz's p r i s o n a d d r e s s , I . l JewishCurrents.I'vc taken libcrties on
page2,4,and6 to includca coupieof

^::lj;";ff"='ffiJ:"':';J;:Ir,*", rhis is rhepoinr I mippets from this, the zaydeof all

Jewish'zines.
of "The New ,Jew Review,,; to seek the .,inadverLantlyrr, I
,fewish. Further, you say, it,s And lastly,.shoutout to all my cultural
"tangentially" easy to point hcrocs: Tuli Kupfcrbery; Mala Deren;
ouE hrhat's Jewish about "pastrami, klezmer, dating GcrshonLegman;Michael We4 the guy
frustrations and neurobic families.,' Right,, we wouldn, t who inventcd Espcranto; Alo<ander
want to be too Jewish, even in a forum devoted to Imich (if anyoncknows hirn, plcoscsec
me); Hcnry Sapoznik; Iosh Horowitz ak
celebrat.ing the very notion. Dr. Klea Lorcnzo daPontc; and the
countlessother carriersofthc yiddishc
Look, I'm glad you drew the pastrami line in the sand. No neshomc,.narncdand unnamd I love
tips on where to find the best knishes, no review of the you all, you keep me smiling.
Woody Allen oeuvret no agonizing nose job justifications.
Thank god. Not only are these things mit liebe,
excruciatingly
'obvious, rokhl basclpnrs
they are meaningless. .Jews eat. knishes. Nu? But,
pointing out the "glancingly,, and ..tangentia11y,, Jewish at
Lhe expense of authentic ,Jewish culture? Let,s not kid
.ourselves, it's only one notch above yet another rehash of
jwoody as the neuroL,ic, nebbishy, supposed uber-,few. With no
 there there, Heeb is a very expensive elaboration on Aciam
'Sandler' s Hannukah Sonq.

But who's to say if there is such a quantifiable "-hing as

,authentic Jewish culture, apart from t h e p a r t i c i p a n Es? What
'l
fv rl r- rea lFsr vr nJLt / T
A/ m , . . dJ nohn+n1 a. d
gAo A
o rur tl - o nn = i mbJ - r h aerrae
a lim h o= r. Ar r u a=rr
o ey {-i"r:r
-..o, o*-h
a things does exist. indeed, it's much more than t.he sum of
what.ever Jews happen to be doing at Ehe moment.: boxing,
publishing ponography, whoring for tobacco or jusc plain
whorrrg. Af r.er many lonely Saturday night.s deep in the
culture lab I have finally discovered the foolproof test
for determining whether ar independent ,Jewish culEure
actually exisLs. Here it is: take a look around and see if
SOME OTHER LONELY FUCKERDECIDES I{E/SHE WANTS TO BE LIKE
YOU. Will helshe Eravel thousands of miles to l-earn a
language your grandparents spoke? fs he/she fucking the
culture heroes you won't even look at. when you pass t.hern on
106!h Street? Is he/she idencifying with you, your people
and your history as a way of rebelling against his/her own
soulLess culture? A11 over Northern Europe, yahoos are
nrrrina mnnarr fr;1', and MAKING MONEY OFF OF, JeWiSh CUltUre.

I Wake up, sons and daughLers of Strong Is1and! We have

s""t"*"sn' 195?
something worth co-opEing. Take a minute to let t.haL sink
i-n. Some schmtrck in Berlin, at this very momenL, is
An. agreernent was signed by the singing, dancing and putting on his version of bl-ack face
lj,nited Automobile Workers and the and tapping his tootsies to what belongs to you, Ire, us. I
Urban to provide
llatlro.nal
macnrner)-to deal-League
witl compliints of am referring, for the most parL, to the truly phenomenal
orscr_Dnrnatron in all plants-in which lnterest in Klezmer music and Yiddish which you find all
the UAW has coileciive b;;;"i;i""
agree&ents,it was announ"ea,on over Northern Europe. There's even an analog to the wanna-
Juti *
tfl. e-bgg 200,000 Negro worxers heebs of Northern Europe. A similar, even more
are
anecteclIr\- the agreement.
exploitative movement of interest in all things Ladino has
Segregationist shenanigans . i. taken hold in Spain and Portugal. (Exploit.ive because often
Rabbi Yaakov Rosenbeig, spiritual these people know nothing about Ladino or Jews but. happily
leader of a .Mi"-i Conservativi svna-
gogue, one of ttre largest in the South; cash in on the wave of int.erest. )
was refused accommodation earlv in
July at two motels in Pompano Beach.
FIa., ano was told at a third that no Yet, f open the music section of Heeb to f ind? Mogwai, ,Joev
facilities would be available until
Sept. (,ferorilzFlarilia.n, July 12). . . .
Ramo:]e, .fon spencer Fucking B]ues Expi-osion? Anci wha3 i-s
Segregationist John Kasper told news- the level of ,Jewish engagement (rf I may take the
men during the jury seiection for his opportunity to sound l-ike an even bigger asshole) in their
trial in Knorville, Tenn., for obstruct.
ing desegregation, tlat he had in- work? The High and Mighty ,'beEray their roots,, by
structed his lawyer not to accept Jews referencing chinese food. That young man who wrote to you
on the ju.y. 'I'd have a better from Driftwood, TX, is starving for culturaL nourishment,
chance," said Kasper, "with a Negro
a n d y o u ' v e j u s t g i v e n h i m t h e e q u ivalent of a scallion
, than a Jew." . . . A minister identiEed
I as being from central Florida, at a p a n c a k e - j u n k t h a t ' 1 1 p r o b a b r y g i v e h i m t h e Erot,s an hour
i march of 300 robed Klansmen, in
later. f'd say we lefE shanda long ago; this is a criminal
l,akeland, FIa., at the end of June.
attacked the Supreme Court. Nesroes
waste of resources.
and Jews. Said-he: "I have no"*". ,
with the Jews-but.t*rey too should be
in Poiish once a week. The-first issue ,was unveiled in 1948. . An exren.
segregatod."
oi l\e supplement r€Po,rts.th?I,"j tl: sion of the Jewish school system in
in 1956. 52
' - 5'000 more ?0,000 Jews in Poland Poland was announcedearly'in July.
Neus lrom Polanil-' p"i engaged in heavy.indus- iewish bobrdins schools are to be ser
i"*. "i. "IPTt:d,
l:,^o-"
;*"tTi::t try "ent-*"."
and 12 per cel-t -19re .individual , up for the fiist time, new Jewish

Hr,'fr'.?"*"J#lnih
,,*
'sh.tt*^)"i'o*'
craftsmen. . . . 890'000 dotys were
allocated in July by the Polish. go,v'
a supplement ernment for the renovation
ot
, $,e
i schools ere to be opened in several
;localities and more iewish textbooks
lare to be published.
foltlttt"t Warsaw Ghetto Monument, which
z
 Are che things I mentioned the only real ways to experience
Jewish cuLture? Of course not. At this poinE, playing Kool
and the Gang's Celebration at a Bar Mitzvah is, in iLself,
traditron.
'"i;;;;i,t,/a4
Roc*/ess
But what.'s missing from Heeb is any critical
engagement or challenge to it.s material-. What makes the
RabbisoftheLosAnge1es.fewishCommissj.ononSweatshops)
=nrr rii €rara-t- f:om other anri-swea!s:-cp acuivisrs? The
article makes no guess. If Ehere,s no difference, w h y h a v e,
6f^h A_Na/J<lirl:;lr?i
: cna-iFia=lrrz Jgryish anti-SweatShop organizatiOn? Therers -
-
I \J
= oand=Fiar=] srorv. a reel ly Eough Story, in -_-..-
there abOUC ,;;-. f
i'il;t"il;;-;;"*.rat 'f f l n n l U t q
' l - . h e c r o n f 1i o J - s b e t w e e n , J e w s a s b o s s e s a n d J e w s a s a c t . i v i s t s - I
authority can the A,JCwietd whenit uses U;K Nw'Sey i
I
such obnoxious tactics as shutting down a whole ------l -- |
organizations to squash internal confl_ict? lll.,, -t IY|VO i
Ywer-tJt1
Here it is- the bosses, t.he A J C fat cats, and the Rabbis laCCenf I
are all expressing, in some wdY, their struggle wiEh how
;;-
be Jewish and be a boss/gct.ivist/worker/sexy jeans 5(aC(-JeU,St"l
-, -"'t'Il lakr-f,.,Yfi1
enfrFnrenerrl:
var e r e!/! vr5v $- etc. The conflict arises because that r\.
Dt4loSve
Jewishness, that peculiar interplay betwben text, traditi, 1All;"ates l
and exigency, no matter how it's lived, has a meaning we - - - {- ---i
share with each other and share with Ehose who came befor' Me chilze
l{ZryS l
Therc i| ri e s
, . T ' r rveE ll E" re el qtJrE: ur ; e r i
a m
i [ Jr ' v^ w
* f-r I i t - t - ' le
rruufE n roirrdi naq E'nr
!v! lNaSh;A {
lJluJuuruue.
fra virlAial,r
. ! | v
--.d KleZmer mUSiC are Where it,S aL. TheSe - | I
,
--,- +
thrnss aren't just hobbies or accouLremenrs, they are maj"t
points
l(haVUfeh j
of engagement, wiEh my Jewishness. When f l-isten t,o lK;6L"h_
w*h
ii:"H"i:;::: i;I iiffi::"?"::H: ;li il:';:=insased T:s&q*rwEdr". I
references (or doesn't) Ehe modes of synagogue music. r may Fadaeg S"',el!yl.+3
oo(< I
even t.hink abouE the way function influenced form and the I - i
-
way cne mus:-c oeveropeci. arongsrcie r:-E.uar ano ciance. But
screw alt rhis inrertecrual crap, r,m prussing inro Cht!:!^ Ar
llouSe lJens
&"g-
something joyous and meaningful thar, many generarions | -. I
before me, ano hopefuliy, many afrer me, wiii aiso be a ; . ; TD^Ttt , i
narr or .nhe specif ics mac.cer . I aAVa (of i
ltl:2allQf
I woufd think Ehat in New York City, a glroup of peoplu ltlust'Ctat$ i
lffir-)eaX
nrrit- ino tnaslher a magazine by and about conremporary
evY
-- | - --i
,Jewish culture would be faced with an embarrassment of KOSneriaq l?q|rJ*hq j
J
riches. Unfortunately, you've managed to choose material .9ouf , l OVef- i
w;rich rnerely af f irms ycur own, f rankty -ttle7U4afi
boring, take on |
| Vorlf-
modern Jewish culture. And thaL's just an embarrassmenL. I mcZuZqh i
ti
-
'lncerelv'
einaoratrr
Qi nI-.,{-,
naara]

0lrl
rr /\ t L-L Ca..-
En?
I i
^"
Rrc+less Co"r^optif<a
Tbp f, Jeb1sfiAtfhoc5
Mq*,c. S^vr(-The Gen+bnaa anJ+kTa
M,cfia2{ krner- Tew,Sh Rereuq(
S.l: ?erelma.t- Thc Mos* or-. .
- Sfrqtyh( TotK: Hy D;bniu qs dn1dtuiax Uawa
S o /ly Brkowt
B e'' K^t'chr- Yh, Te- otrlvleatYorK
3
 gVIe
an[Go66 S gafgoon,,o,o
6asClPrus
b Rpfr"frf
In orderto maintainmy journalisticdistanceI
decidedit wasironic. I hadwalkedout of my
third movieof the day at the first Black Panther
Fiim Feshvalin Aprii energizedby what I had
just seen-dynamic,engagingexaminationsof
the govemmant'svery real war againstany
type of socialchangemovement.
Misinformationwas on my mind when a man
in a suit courteouslyhandedme a flyer asI
walkedout the door.He washandingthemout
to everyoneexitrngthe auditorium.Glancing
downthe pageI sawthe beginningof a rant I
wasfamiliarwith: "The peoplearebeingtaught
thattoday's"Jews"represent theBible..."
Learningthat I was a fake Hebrew was more
thana bummer.Aroundme,no oneeven
seemedto be lookrrg at the sheets,though
everyonehadtakenoneto be polite. A couple
of feet awaytherewas anothermanhandingout
foldedfow sidedpamphlets.Nobodywas
takingmuchnoticeof him either.My
masochismmademe go over andaskhim for
that one,too. This onestartedinnocuously
enough,aboutthe needfor true spirituality.
Can't arguewith that today.But at thebottom
camethe inevitable;"Eventodayunder
Zionism,which is a racistandoppressive
ideology..."It thencompared"Sin" and
"Zionism" andfinds them to be one andthe
sameunderdifferent systemsof analysis.
TheBlack PantherFilm Festivaltook placethis
pastApril at the SchomburgLibrary in flarlem,
organizedby a numberof biack artistsand
activists,includingformerPanthersKathleen
CleaverandJamalJoseph.The ideaof a
festivalto celebrateandexaminethe legacyof
thePanthersis a natural.The imageof the
Black Panthersin theirberetsandleather
jacketsis still powerfulandhasinspiredmany
documentaries andfilms, not all of themeven
handedor goodor watchable.Althoughthe
programmingwasobviouslybiasedin a pro-
Pantherdirection,the directorsof the Festival
wisely choseto broadenthe scopebeyond
hagiographyandmadethe cormectionbetween
therise (andfall) of the Black PantherParty
andthe largersocialchangemovementsof that
era,AlongsidePantler documentaryfootage
- andfeatwes.likePublic Enemv and The
Murder of Fred Eampton wereother
documentaries connectedpoliticaily andrn
spint. Palantewas aboutthe Young Lords,
a Latrnocounterpartto the Black Panthers,
anda grouprarelydiscussed today.Red
Squadwastheproductof a mid-sixties
while film collectivein Brookll'n, Pacific
Steet Films.Red Squadwasthenameof the
intelligence-gathenng bweau of the New
York City Police Deparfment.Oncethe film
collectiveturns its camerason the menof
lasToaT!' :. the Red Squadthe filmmakersfind
)inori:n themselves and their familiesunderquietbu:
.TEWIS.EOURRENTS. very real pressurefrom the Police
Ripfint Departmentto stay away. The importanceo;
The'lmaib'of"the Jewin showrngthenon-discriminatoryharassment
of thepolice andthe FBI becameapparent
,'th9' : " . Community
l{egro asthe Festivalwent on.
by
RABBI PAUL H. LEYENSON
wirlr It wasexcitingfor me on manylevelsto be
25 Signifcant Dates on the at the Festival.As much asI considermysel:
Jews in the Cioil Var a liberal, sociallyconsciousNew Yorker,I
* leada shockinglysegregated life. I havefeu
12 PAGES _ IO CENTS
,* African-Americanfriendsor co-workers.I
Bulk ratcs: 12 copies, $l; 25 know that despitemy intellectualbearings,a
for S2; 5O for $3.5O; $6 for l0O
steadydiet of 10 o'clocknewsand
* gangstarappersandothers
sensationalized
JEWISH CURRENTS
Dept. P hadplanteda seedof passive,dehumanizing
22 E. L7 St.. Room 601, N. Y. 3 racisminsideme. More thanlearningabout
rheBlack Panthers,I wantedto be a part of
theFestivalto panrcipatein contemporary
African-Amencancultureoutsideof hip-hop
musicandre-nrnsof Living Single.I
expectedto be exposedto peopleandpoints
of view rarelyheardaboutin the mainstream
media.All of theseexpectationsweremet.I
sawa celebrationofactivists andartistsand
a communitywho wereproud of andwho
ownedtheir legacy.The informationtableat
the entanceto the Festivalhad a poster
displayedon it- a montageof peopleand
clips from the program.While I wassitting
at the deska family camein, mom, dadand
two kids. The kids examinedthe posterand
immediatelyreeledoff exactlywho was
who. The parentswerebeaming.I was
impressed,I hadjust seentwo older guysin
beretsstandover the sameposterand
mistakeKathleenCleaverfor AngelaDavrs
(who,incidentally,wasnevera memberof
the Black PantherParfv). So it was a
{
; trorriUte-comed;wnTdtxtift".noon
wt"n i
washandedthosehatefulflyers. This
*", *ir*
a Jewishfriend of mine hadwamedrn.
ulo.',,
himself a veteranof the Rampartr;r;-*d;;;;
. if you cometo -' -
the stuggle oi"nty unJ
honestly,they'll *." ut you fo.
"u"ntuuily
beingJewish.Although thl nvo t""fl";;;;-
werein no way officially connected
to or
endorsedby the festivat,t aia rrot ,""
*von"
stoppingthemfrom disbibutinghate
liteiature.
As I wobbledaroundthe sunnySchomburg
lobby,I tried to processwhat I was feeling.I'd
just finishedPaulBerman'sexhaustiveand
exhaustingreader"Blacks and Jews".I knew
manyBlack writers andactivistssawJews'
reactionto instancesof Black anti-Semitismas
whiny over-reaction.Couldn't we seewhere
thereal problemswere?I hesitatedto say
anythingto Kathleen Cleaver,one of the
Festival'sorganizersand the personwho had
arrangedfor me to volunteerat the Festival's
information desk.I finally soughther out,
hopingthat maybeshehadnoticedthe guys
with the leaflets,too. Surroundedby the usual
crushof admirers,I fowrd her at the front of the
library. I got her attention and told her that I
was upset.I startedto show her the literature
b.einghandedout. I couldn't believepeople
weredistributingthis shit. Shelookedat it,
scowled,andaskedme if this was something
aboutIsrael.When I explainedwhat exacflyit
was shetold me to ignore it and throw it out.
They'rejust a coupleofjerks. At this point, I
abandoned my ideaof askingher to do
somethingofficial aboutgettingthemout of
there.
The truth aboutthe Black Panthersis
compiicatedand shifting. The story is alwaysa
rrttle bit different dependingon whom you ask.
The imageand idea of the Panthersin their
beretsandsexyblack leathercoatsbearing
armshasbeenappropriatedmany times and to
many different ends-there is evena
reincamationof the Black Pantherstoday,
althoughthey makeno claims to being
successors of the original Black PantherParfy.
At its foundationwas a ten-point platform
issuedby Bobby SealeandHuey P. Newtonin
1966.It wastheir bill of rights anddeclaration
of independenceand took as a given the
continuing, systematicand institutional
oppressionand disenfranchisementof Black
Americans.Thereis no questionthat police
brutality in Oaklandat that time was
rampant.But somepeople questionwhether
the activities of the Black Pantherswere
alwaysthoseof pure self-defense.
Dependingon whom You talk to, the
Pantherswere noble, brave men and woman
trying to defendthemselvesand their
-----_-
cornmrxilty
againsttG[tal pol-iE.-
departrnentand governmentand who were
eventuallydestroyedby the FBL Or you
could believethat they werea bunchof
thugs who were committing so many crimes,
includingprostitutionandprotectionrackets,
that they brought down on themselvesthe
police harassmentand suweillancethat
undeniablydoggedthem.The very natureof
the organizationand its history offactions
andreal and allegedgovernmentinfilkators
makeit difficult to evaluatethe manystories
surroundingthe Black Panthermystique.
Many of thesestoriesstill inch toward
resolutionto this day.
Around the samefime asthe Festivalthe
caseof Elmer "Geronimo"pratt madethe
newspapersagain.His 1972murder
conviction,for which he had spent27 years
injail, hadbeenoverhrrnedn l99j and he
hadjust settleda lawsuitagainstthe
governmentfor 4.5 million dollars.The key
piece of evidencefinally admitted?The fact
that the government,s.star, witress wasa
felon and an F.B.I informant. With people's
lives, literally, at stake,no wonderthe
subjectremainsso emotionallycharged.One
aftemoon a gentlemanstoppedme in the
samelobby whereI had gottenthe news
aboutthe falseJews.Like manyof the old
timers at the Festival, he was wearing a
cockedberetandwasclutchingan
overstuffedleathersatchel.He told me he
had classifiedFBI files with him that he
would like to showme. It becameclearthat
this man hadmistakenme for a memberof
the presssimply becauseI waswhite-
somethingthat happenedmany times over
the weekend,eventhoughI was technically
thereas a Festivalvohmteer.He shookthe
bulging briefcasein his handindicatingthat the
paperswere in there and that they proved that
EileenBrown, the womanmanybelievedhad
beenthe final destructiveblow to the Panthers'
viability, hadbeenthe lover of J. Edgar
Hoover.IntriguedthoughI was,I declinedto
look at his documentation. I was alreadyon
informationoverloadat this point. I hadbeen
suckedinto an unfamiliar world andbombarded
with an incredible,world-view-shakin g amount
of information. Somethings seemed
incontrovertible.The Murder of Fred
Hampton brought forttr FBI documentation,
forensic evidence,informant testimony and
finally, the City of Chicago'sown pathetichalf
apology,to build an unimpeachable casefor the
fact that Fred Hampton,a2l yearold
charismaticBlack Pantherleaderin Chicago,
had beenkilled in cold blood becausehe was a
threatto the government.That's enoughto
€
a
 wakeyou up at night. Onceyou acceptthe fact
that the governmentcarriedout a political
assassination againstoneofits own citizens,a
lot of other stuffbecomesplausible-even
EileenBrown beingthe lover of J. Edgar
Hoover,despitethe evidencethat shewasn't
his type.
..
With a bit of hindsightI can seenot only why
the guyswith hateliteraturewere so upsetting
but why they cameto be the defining moment
of the Festivalfor me. Their presencewas an
insult,not just to me but to everyone,What
disturbedme was that no one elseseemedto
havemadethe connectionbetweentheseguys
an{ what the films had beentalking aboutall
weekend.After sitting throughtwo daysof film
programmingwhosethemewas that of the
existenceand very real threatofgovernment
sponsoredcounter-intelligence operations
againstits own citizens,my perspectivehad
changed.While the Black Panthersthemselves
may not, eachand every one,havebeenchoir
boys,it wasthe characterof the F.B.I which
cameacrossasthe most villainous,most
powerful and most compelling.Now it wasn't
too hard to go from thereto posinga
hypotheticalconnectionbetweenthe kind of
campaignsof governmentsponsored
disinformationfeaturedin the Fesfivaland the
hateliteratureI had beengiven.Perhapsthe
sponsorsof the pamphletswerenot just
loony fringe charactersworking
independently.Was it all a giant
COINTELPRO(counter-intelligence
program)operation?A massivestructure
funnelingblack peopleaway from being
politicaliy viable (and dangerous)and
channelingtheir energyto the ultrmately
harmlesspasttime of Jew-baiting?
BeforeI had beenvery easily ableto dismiss
theseBlack Israelite-typegroupsas without
credibility certainly rn my own eyes,but
alsoin tJlelargerblack community.But I
realizedthat you cannotignoretheseguys
becauseby their very numbersand staying
power it is obviousthat they are filling a
need.Someoneis respondingto their vision.
Onceagain,young black people,desperate
to educatethemselves,to organize,to effect
socialchange,had beenmisinformedon a
relatively large scale. And these
pamphleteers were directingtheir energyat
the motherof all red herrings;the Jews.Just
THE JEWISHPEOPLE'S
asthe Black Pantherswere destroyedby
disinformation and government
I. L. PERETZ.SCHAEFER
manipulationby being turnedagainsteach
otherand killed by governmentinformants,
thesepamphleteerswere unwittingly being
usedto firrther their own politrcal
disenfranchi_sement.
A true black-Jewishcoalition would be a
very powerful, and to certaineyes,a very
dangerousthing. The omnipresenceandvery
volumeof theseBlack Israelite-typegroups
assurethat everyonehas seenthem.
Moreover,therewill alwaysbe at leasta
hint of enmity in the rnindsof blacksand
Jewswheneverthey cometogetherif they
believethat the other seesthem as an
enemy.In this respect,I cameto seemy
experienceat the Festivalas sadly
emblematic.Just at a point where I was
being exposedto points of view I would
neverseeelsewhere,talking to people
(BobbySeale!)I wouldn't meetelsewhere,
makingalliancesimpossibieelsewhere,just
at that momentof possibility I was so
thrown off guard,so demoralizedthat I
consideredleavingandnot comingback for the
rest of the weekend.I did leave,but cameback
after somethoughtandthe naggingfeelingthat
if I did not return I would let the wrong people
wrn.
It may seemtoo obviousto mention,but Jews
arenot the problem.I do not carehow many
peoplenamedRoth or Eisnerarerunning the
movie studios.It's mennamedHoover (andhis
the man who designed
spiritual descendents),
the counterintelligencethat destroyedlives and
the Black PantherParfy, who are kuly the
enemyofprogressivechangeand fearless
defendersofthe statusquo. Its not aliensthat
our governmentis hiding from us, The FBI
truly canbe asnefariousasthe X-Files would
haveus believe.But its not abducteesthey're
after.The most shockingtruth, and one I was
lucky enoughto be remindedof at the Black
PantherFilm Festival,is that the government's
war againstrevolution and changeis real.
ANNUAL CONCERT OF THE
JEWISH I\IUSIC ALLIANCE
Saiurday Evening
I IY
, 1 9 6 I8
, P.M.
FEBRUAR
HUNTER
COLLEGE AUDITORIUM
681h Sfreet between Pork and Lexington Avenue's
THEBELAFONTE
SINGERS
In A Civil War Cenlennial Celebraiion Program
PHILHARMONIC
CHORUS
( 1 2 5S i n g e r s )
C o n d u c i e db y M A U R I C E R A U C H
ORATORIO"DIE ZWEI BRIDER"
t
Tickets{rom $1.65to $3 af One UnionSguareWesl,
Suite7l l, N. Y. C., WA 4-83| | and from the singers
 Gr^rtLr fe(rokfltd,'hr
lZ.o I

Lr(kr Fro- Mont'rce

---
/
at--

The Orkestarptayea a wide ranging si:l:

The stagehas been reset and the lights ttreintefitv of-diasporii and yi,Idish ending with abunch of people at the
front of the stagein a sort of Jewish
are back up. It's only the secondact, but culture and the resilience and resistance
the Montrealershave apparentlyobeyed within those ftaditions. He asksus to mosh pit.I find myself writing in my
the no smoking signs long enough(as if draw on that alternative tadition and to notes "Dance education is important",
even as the thought ofdance research
the requestto ne pasfumer expires after standup for what is right- to end th-e
an hour or two) and preffy much and preservationmakes me reach for a
injustices committed againstPalestinians
everyoneexcept this non-smoking and to 'end the occupation'. With that, plastic bag to Put over mY face, to be
American lights up. the rest of the band joins him on stage completely honest. But here we are, and
and rips into their first number, I/er how elseto come to terms with the
TantzDort? (Who is Dancing There?)an spectacleof my people, expressingtheir
We're all munching on latkes and original song written in yiddish by joy for life, their gratitude for living
wondering what the next act, Black O)x Levine about arrnedconllict in Israel. during a comfortable, prosperoustime in
Orkestar,is going to sound like. Instead history, when the joYous, ecstatic,
of the whole band.coming on, one guy This was the scene atthe Kishif Kartofl physical manifestation of this expression
comesout in a white shirt and black Kabaret in Montreal, the last night of of happinessis ... flYing around
vest. No one is quite sure if this is a solo Khanike, 2001, a night for celebrating, monotonousiYin a circle as fast as
number or what. His name is Gabe eating deep friend foods and hearing fucking possible. Ugh' I've been here
Levine and he is a member of the some great music. The irony of decrying before and I'll be here many time again
OrkestarAnd before they take the stage, Jewish militarism while celebratinga unlessI decide to convert to whatever
he has a few words to say.He begins by militaristic festival (the only one of its they were in Footloose anCmove
acknowledgingthe fact that we are kind in the Jewish year) seemsto be somewheredancing of anYkind is
gatheredin honor of the festival of mine alone to ponder. The evening forbidden. But seriously,the idea of
Khanike, also known to norrnal people begins old school traditional and ends appropriatesocial dancing is no joke. At
party' The
as Chanuka. He draws tfre amitar 1in with a hip-hopkele dance this point, for this particular world, I
music was great' but the interaction can't imagine a scenariowhere it will
Yiddishist circles) comparisonof
yiffi;h between the audience and performers ever get any better. Where's that plastic
culhues, diasporic, the one .
"; wffi worth the 7 bucks admission' And bae?
side and sui generislsraeli on the other.
although I am usually an urban
Levine feels that diasporic/Yiddishist
love solely
culture is more dynarnicbeing that it is monogamist and pledge my Before the next act, an experimental
lessprogrammutic tttr Isra"rl- i;il to New York' I am infatuatedwith sound collage piece called Needletrade
""
goatsto meet, no "" Monfreal. It's a beautiful, old world city by Torontonian ReenaKatz, it is
"t#;;;;;'^*
forward. More to his point, diasporic with a Jewish community quite different announcedthat equal stagetime has
culture is not a tooi oiirra"fi-Ji^".*. from that of New York' Part of that been demandedand, unbelievably,
difference is the fact that the doors of given. I've never seenthis kind of
It this point an older gentleman-calls irnmigration for EuropeanJews closed at audienceengagementat a musical
out from the audience'T thought I was least 10 yearslater than they did in perforrnancein New York. Interactivity
supposedto be listening to music here". America, a significant fact which puts hereis usually limited to lecturesand
dbet;ffiExpectinE-tnis and cooly many CanadianJews much closer, conferences. Sometimes,usually, it's
'over-thele-ness',
replies, "We're getting to tfrut, sir,'. Tha temporally, to their the question and answerperiod at the
boy gets an A in respr"tit g his elders. making their cultulal dislocation much end of a discussionof a new book. let's
He continuesreading from a piece of more uncomfortable' say, about the yiddish art theater.There's
paper as a few older membersof the always one guy whoi gets up to ask, a
audienceleave noisily. He again calls on .l
propos of nothing, "What about
 Mumia?" I go to Vy'orkrnenCircle events
in New York specificallyhopingthat
someAK is goingto pick a fight, or,
betteryet, standup duringthe ouestion
andanswerperiod,proclaimthe author
wrong on everypoint, andoffer his own
self-publishedbook asa modestredress.
A yoman by the nameof Terry
McAhtakes the stage.Shewasone
of thepeoplewho protestedGabe
Leviae's speechby leavingand
demandingher moneyback.She
acceptedstagetime, instead.
McAtraspeech is off the cuff, and
thoughobviouslyheartfeit,not well
organizedor presented.It's a .,knifein
her socialistJewishheart,'to hearher
Jewishpeoplecharacterized
as
oppressors. It is not the first time
someoneon stagewill castthemselvesas
a socialistor inject classconsciousness
into the dialog.But shedoesn'tdwell on
uniysls.1socialistideals,hardly.She
ernphasizes againandagainher own
personaloppressionin Canada.The
audienceis astoundedto learnthat her
farnilynarnewasnot McAIt upon
arrival in Canadabut was changed.
Although shemakesit seemthat this
was thrustupon the Mcls-familte,
the truth is that nameswerenot generally
changedupon enty to a country
(America or Canada)and the changing
of a namervasa very consciouseffort of
a family to assimilateasquickly as
possible.McAllinsists that in the
Israel,rPalestinian issuethereareno good
guysor bad guys,merelya two long
historiesclashingwith eachother,both
sideshavingbeenoppressorsand
oppressed. I notethat sheemphasizes the
fact that her family "had" to changeits
name.I wonderwhy this themehassuch
power for her, asin her nervousnessit
seemsto be oneof the only thingsshe
can focus on. Does sheactuallv think
this is an injusticeperpetrated tn her
family alone?Or that this is evenan
injusticeat all, insteadof a smartsocial
moveI'm sureher family was thrilled to
havethe freedomto make.
^"-
After Terry comesa local namedMoish. This is it, the coral reef of inter-
Moish is somewherein his sixties,an generationalcon{Iictandcultural
anarchistPeterPanwhom everyone amnesiaon which I can't seemto keep
knowsbecausehe works at the socialist from scrapingmy feet raw from draggrng
bookstore.Moish is a bit more focused aroundthis damnsceneso much.No, the
than Terry, you can tell his haranguehas point is NOT that we haveno respectfor
beena long time coming- working at a thepast.If we, the audiencemembersat
'socialistbookstoreleavesyou with
more thekishif kartofl kabaret(orgenizsd6y
freetime thanonemight expect.Yet, his two friendsof miae i:r their fwenties)
bullet points areso wrong, in every hadno respectfor ou la-la-lacultural
aspect,on everylevel, in everyfucking heritagewe wouldn't havedraggedour
way I considerjustjumping on stageQ assesto this dump on a freezing
wasin the front row) andbitch slapping Monteal night. We'd be at a damnbar
somesenseinto his stupidkepele,forget dancingandgettingshiker vi goyim
aboutpolitely askingfor my own five becauseMontrealdoesn'thaveidiotic
minutes. The Moish world view seems anti-dancingcabaretlaws like New York
to encompassyoungpeoplein idli:rg (hey,I still love you New York, really,I
. taxis,jumping out to carblesslywithdraw do). No, the problemis not with the
cashfrom their newfangledautomated youngpeopleat all. The energyand
teller machines.I'm not sureif it's the ideasandsweatI've seenjust tonighthas
.- decadence of the taxi or the expendable beenincredible.The amountof work
cashor, I don't know, all the tellerjobs thatwe haveto do to reclaimour fucking
which havebeenreplacedby unfeeling preciousla-lala culhual heritageis akin
machines-is he somekind of Luddite?Is to cyanidegold mining. If our
this truly an anti-technologyrant?It's grandparentsandparentshadn't so easily
unclear.He accusesall of us of being chuckedall this stuff so wiliingly given
unawarethat the socialhall we're sitting us laughablejewish educationswhich,
in, which now belongsto Montreal's it's a surprisemore of us didn't endup
hugePortuguesecommunity, was in fact wiccanbi-sexuals(assomeI knew at my
soldto the Portugueseby its former nice Jewishuniversitydid), left us
owners,the Arbiter RingMorkrnen's feelinglike Judaismhad no culture
Circle.The audienceis so shrnnedby exceptsuffering and more suffering,
this revelationit canbarely stoptalking mayte vle.wouldn'tbe in the goddarur
overhim and smokingup a fucking I saidit.
storrn. The theme of this issue was
Takethat,he continues,you decadent
supposed to be Cultural
taxi takingdead-insideshopaholics Heroes.
Due to time
numbingyoru pain with the carcinogenic constraints,I was ableto only
opiatesof modernconsumerculture, give a a superficialtaste,a
you, you witlessaudiencememberswho
forshpayz,if you will, of the
may I remindyou haveno repectfor our inspirationsI keepcloseto
lddish socialistpoet forefathersand
my heart(andon my
motherswhosenameyou probablydon't nighttable.)
Pleaseforgive an
evenknow! Uh, Moish? Didn't some
overworkedlaw student.
youngpunkjust get up therenot five
Next issue,expectannotated
minutesagoand sing a song,in yiddish, bibliographies and
that he wrote,by hirnsetf,were YOU appreciations of: Maurice
NOT FUCKING PAYING Samuel, Daniel Pinkwater,
ATTENTION YOU DELUSIONAL GershonLegman,Tuli
OLD FUCK?? Kupferberg and Maya Deren.
And if you want to wdte any
of these,pleasecontactme at
t rootlesscosmopo
.com.
litan@yahoo
 qA/
A4*u<,^++ha4- b il. y:J/;41,
PArlLt,
(1ggg-lqsq. L,-il;r<l,l.PD, hu ll",$la,loorle,Lopn*ilaT;Az4.;a...
HD!4164,1etu
I organizedminyanson the elevatorof the
Eiffel Tower,wrote success
afterhit for all the biggestFrench-language
musichalls:
Colombea decouvert
I'Amerique,
Et moi,je vais vousdecouvrir
mesjambes;
shloggedkapores--performeda pre-Yom
Kippur penitentialrite in which
you usuallywave a chickenaroundyour
headthreetimes--Ishloggedkapores
with a midget prostitute,whom I then
donatedto charity,and I discoveredthat my
one-nighterwith the real Tahitianhad left
me the fatherof a little ,Sabu.
Poeticjustice, I guess,retributionfor
my soleviolationof what'scometo be
known asthe Kalman Holzhackercredo
IANTFTEMMUSIC--INTERNATIONALE] :
If you can'tfuck thegoyim, don't evengo out
of the house--nobodyeverdrownedfrom a.
goodkosherwhack.At twenfy minutesto
twelveon the night of April 14, 1912--six
daysbeforemy twenty-frfthbirthday--Iwas
on my kneesin a first-classstateroom,
snuffling memoriesof the seaoutsidefrom
the endof a brandnew bed,when I felt epes
a grindingjar, too weak to launchmy noggin
from betweenthe guilt-riddenEnglishflanks
of the Jewishgirl who paid for my ticket,
but enoughto precipitatemy Armenoid,
Shylockiannoseso sharplyinto what
yeshivaboyswho aren'tallowedto look call
"Yoinein baheltenish,Ionah in his hiding
place",that my supineMancunian
loksh-andthe critics don't think I can
write-my supineMancunianloksh gaveout
1
ile,<,4at;ntv+E,l pa tGt,.,.4-
with a startledgeshrayandtold me to stop
rooting for truffles.
"You didri'tnoticethat the boatjust
sneezed?"
"Oy, Kalman," she'dbecome
so...worldlysincewe met,"T'esvraimentun
vildekayak."
"Kayak?"I was licking her navel to
checkfor blood on my tongue."That'svilde
KHAYE'--shethoughtshe'dcalledme a wild
beast,and I didn't speakEnglish at all--"di
fartige englisheshikseayne."That word she
knew; it was Yiddish, and shestartedto
grggle.
She'dbeenin Parislessthan a week
when we met, a lanky,blubber-lipped
dilettante-cvrn-m iyeskayt a b are
half-generation removed from Poltava;a
Jewishgirl a little older than shewished
who'd goneto all the bestschoolsa Jewish
girl could get into andwould probablyhave
beenbetteroff stayinghomechasingD.H.
Lawren6e.Her fathersold a shipmate's
tefillin the dayhe got off the boat;ten years
later,he had an almostEnglish-bornwife, a
factory the sizeof Monacoand a vicar's
daughter to keepan eyeon the rest of the
servants.
His own daughterI met in the Rotonde.
Therewas a whole crowd of us therethat
night, Biegeleisen,Modigliani, Moishe
Kisling, BlaiseCendrarsand a few other
gentileson the thresholdof fame-all of us
celebratingmy releasethat morning from
prison.After a week'sconsideration,and
Biegeleisen'sintervention,the public
prosecutorhad decidedto drop the
blasphemychargeagainstme. I'd published
Gol rh ?cnq
a novel about a month before called
Zikhroynesfun dem Talus Moyel, Memoirs
of a Man Who Circumcised Christ, which
Marc Chagall had refused to iilustrate. Just
to bug him, I got Brancusi to make me a sort
of flint chisel, which I managedto get
caught tryrng to sell to the head of the shrine
at Lourdes as the genuine knife with which
the deed had been done. Brancusi had to go
and initial it. They fined me fifty francs for
fraud.
Anyway, there must have been about
fifteen saucersin front of me, and I was
yelling atZadkine, when, apparently,my
voice detached itself from the general
uproar and one word, the poor girl's
Shanghaigesture andmot de Cambronne,
the very word that her parentshad forbidden
themselvesin her presence,but that still
used to slip out whenever she kicked up a
fuss about no sconeson Pesakh, one
word--the only one she could recognize in
the midst of all that Yiddish--insinuated
itself into her ear with such practiced
asslrance that her toes began to curl. I still
don't remember saying it, but she assuredme
it was "goyim".
Rigbt then and there it hit her:
sociologically speaking, tous les artistes
sont desjuifs.
)- "Except for Chagall," I told her, when
she came over and askedif I was maybe a
rabbi. I told her yes and offered my knee.
Instead,she squeezedherself onto the
banquettebeside Marie Laurencin, shook my
hand, stared staight into my eye patch and
told me her name.
. "Elspeth, gor?" A grft from the vicar's
daughter,who thought it much more
euphoniousthan Peshe.The onlyproblem
was, Elspeth looked like a terra-cottaPeshe
fetish from somewhereoff the coast of
Madagascar,as primordially Jewish as the
high priestessofthe golden calf.
Ah, the erotics of Yiddish: a virgin
i"d fherc-i{ h; Aer ) socralogically
arlis|cs Sanfdrt ls .
v tui
Tuesdaynight, Wednesday morninga new
glasseye. And if I preferredthe eyeto the
virgin-just pop it out andthink aboutverse
form. But I was crazyaboutElspeth;she
didn't look like anybody,andnobodybut me
liked looking at her-she wastoo tall for the
times,too long in the thigh andtoo shortin
the chest,entirelytoogenerousall around
the mouth.But KalmanFranzoysdon'tdate
no dogs:therehadto be a way to makeher
asbeautifulto therest of the world as she
wasto me. I happenedto seea Gauginone
day,andit told me everythingI neededto
know.
I fitted Elspethout in two rose-buds
and a sarong,ffizzedher hair andtried to
teachhersomemodernpoetryin Hebrewfor
purposesof mysticchant--Iwas afraidto use
anythingtoo well-known,but Elspeth's
pronunciationwas so bad thatMoses
himself couldn'thavemadeout a word. She
learneda few simpledancesteps,we hired
the darkestdrummerwe could find, andthen
I went to work. From newspaperoffice to
publicity agentto anycelebrityI'd ever
shakenhandswith, all I could talk aboutwas
had theyheardwho'dbeendeportedfrom
Berlin-always a nice touchin
Paris--because the family wasworried about
her effecton the Kaiser.
No one evenaskedto seea passport.
The mysticvahini PrincessPrurvoo--it
means"increaseandmultiply" in
Hebrew-the fosterdaughterof Paul Gaugrn
himself,could only graceus with a single
performance.Elspethwasso persuasively,
so mesmerizingly,so chastelyincompetent
that therewas no questionof her absolute
authenticity.Two art-students evenkilled
themselvesbecausethey'dneverhavethe
chanceto seeher again,andElspethfinally
stoppedstammeringandtalking into her
chest.The publicity photosfinally convinced
her that when it cameto looking at her, I
really did missmy eye, andgiventhe
sp€c-r,aJ,
fois-/rs
S+rll,..M
amountof screwingwe weredoing on this
boat,I was gonnabe seeingeverything
foreshortened for the rest of my life.
Not that we neededanyhelp from the
ocean,but Eispeth--whowas afraid to get
marriedbecauseher parentswould have
laughedat my accent--Elspeth fell into a
panicwhen shegot a wire from her parents,
who were alreadyin Calais."I, I can'tface
.them,Kalman."
"I'11stayawayfor a day or two."
"You meanyou could?That'show
much you careaboutme?You can
just go awayand--"
"Peshe,zay-zheshoynriyek. You're
twenty-sevenyearsold andI'm happyto
marryyou.But..."
Shewas crylng andsmashingcrockery.
"'Wecantell them I'm your rabbi.'l
"They'll know, Kalman." Shekept
lapsinginto English."Goddammit,they
wouldn't evenbe comingif they didn't
alreadyknow. Somebodymust haveseenus
andtold them."
"What?Seenus in bed?"It was me she
was worried about;not PrincessPrurvoo.A
singleglancefrom her parentswas going to
exposethe Yiddish whereher maidenhead
shouldhavebeen.Therewasnothing else
for it. We had to get somewherewherethey
couid nevercatchup, wherethey might
nevereventhink of looking.
"Ard we'regonnaspendthe rest of our
lives runningawayfrom your parents?"
"Thefre not asyoungasthey usedto
be, Kalman." Elspethskimmedthe creamoff
her trust fund andboughtus first-class
passage on thenext shipout ofCherbourg.
We were registeredasRabbiandMme
Holzhacker.
We were hearingfootstepson the deck
now, hushedconversations in English.
"Kalman,cheri," shewas pushingmy head
back to whereshethoughtit belonged,"Let
the sailorstakecareof theboat."
" Kalnat, ghecl"6he Naspvsht^1ny Aa
sl,v *h,ough.f bclorXed
, t(Le+
.;( {.,e so;lo'sir&t ccre o€
*Ae boof. "
But thereseemedto be an awful lotpf
peopleout there,more andmore of themall
the time, so I decidedto get dressedandgo
outside.Even ifnobody could speakFrench,
therehad to be a Jew somewherein the
crowd. "Kalman,don't go. Thingswerejust
gettinggood."
My tonguefelt like a welcomemat.
"Don't worry. Remember,I comefrom a
long line of eideticmemories."
"Thenyou shouldrememberthat I...
can't...wait." ElspethstayedElspeth,even
on boardthe Titanic.
"Iceberg?Qu'est-ceque tu dis,
iceberg?"I hadn'tneededmore than forty
secondsto find out.
"Iceberg,ayzbarg,iceberg--there's a
mountainof gelid water out there,and the
ship'ssinking fasterthan the luck of the
Jews.t'
Elspethjust cackledand staredandtold
me to pick up whereId left her off. I gave
her a coupleofslaps acrossthe cheeks,
Elspethstartedto weep and screamabout
prodigalsonsand frlial impiety; God was
finally catchingup with her, her own
immoralitywas killing all the innocentson
this ship.
"And I had nothingto do with it? And
what aboutJ.J.Astor out there?He'sepes
God'schild of deiights?"
"He wasn'twaiting for his parentsto
die."
"And if we threw you overboard,you
think the hole'dpatchitself up?"
Therewas nothingI could do. I gave
her a smashthat would have staggereda
horse,but Elspethonly hit me back. She
lockedherselfin the bathroom,tried to
drown herselfin the toilet bowl. Sherefused
to leave.Elspethsleptwith me maybea
hundredandeighty times--Iwas youngthen,
and knew what I liked; circumstanceand
morality drgveher to drown with J.J.Astor.
tc
ck {o athcrc
..,i

Fg
,l 81 Motl Tenkit
I
I
I
While not currently on the FDA food pyramid Live Culture is one of the
I
I most important substances in a person's diet. Di gezelshaft far lebedjk
I kul-tur (The Live Culture Society or, as it is known by its Yiddish
I
I
acronym, GLIK) currently recommends thro to four servings of live
t
I culture per week. There are a number of ways to ingest these two to
I four servings. The preferred method is through the viewJ-ng, hearing or
I
I interactj-on with culture or arts with the secondary rnethod being the
I
I eating of Yogurt.
J
I
Now how does one figure out how many servings of Live Culture availabl-e
in different events? One looks them up on the Periodic table of Cufture
(it comes out periodically. ) Servings of Live Culture are not all
egual, nor do all have to be taken in person. Public Television is one
of the great sources of Live Culture available in you own home-
provided that one has a working television set).

Here is a sirnple table of common sources of live culture and theit

serving val-ues:
Concert - Classical Music: 1 servingt
Opera: 1.5 servingis
Jazz: - in cLub .75 servings
Jazzi - in concert 1 serving
World Music: 1 serving
Movies - Big Budget,/Major Studio .75 servings
Art Films 1.25 servings
TV shows - Situation Comedy .10 serving
n.5, SeinfeTd, Mad About You, Frasier and Frjends are
. afL worth -20 servings
l- Hour Drana (on PBS) .50 serving
n.b. Ken Burns documentary -75 servings
60 minutes .50 serring
The Osbournes -.25 servings

This table is just a gu*de line, each individual show wi]1 be

Slightly different based on the content! Consult your Doktor of Kultur
before undertaking a drastic change in your cultural intake.

Not all Yogurts qualify, they must contain Live Cultures. This ruLes
out all frozen Yogurts. While all Yogurts that contain l,ive Cultures
count when eaten straight GLiK has yet to determj-ne if Yogurt that is
mixed j-nto Tuna Fish Salad counts [yuck -ed. ] . As a nun0cer of the
members of the board of GLIK are either l-actose intolerant or don't
Iike the taste of Yogurt they have yet to rate different brands of
Yogurt for the amount of Live Culture in each container. [Greek Yogurt
is the yuruniest. -ed.l

Now it is up to you to rnake sure that you are getting your two to four
servings of live culture per week.