welcome to reyna diwata�s funniest transcription.

by the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling
better.
patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
she has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot
in bed last night.
the patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
i have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he
stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
the patient is tearful and crying constantly. she also appears to be depressed.
discharge status: alive but without permission.
the patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get dr. blank to dispose
of him.
the patient has no past history of suicides.
the patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
the patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
40-pound weight gain in the past 3 days.
she slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions early
in december.
the patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture
of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in
the emergency room.
the patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
the patient was in his usual good health until his airplane ran out of gas and
crashed.
since she cannot get pregnant with her husband, i thought you would like to work
her up.
she is numb from her toes down.
while in the er, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
the skin was moist and dry.
occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
coming from detroit, this man has no children.
patient was alert and unresponsive.
when she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
the patient had a penile transplant. (implant)

the patient was coded on the operating table but he is much better now.

the patient was discharged from the ob/gyn department to carry on with her
affairs.

the patient stubbed his toe on a toolbox walking down the hall.

the patient had an injury on the fourth, fifth, and sixth digits of the right hand

he held his bladder all the way to the kansas border.

a month ago he knocked off his left olecranon.

she did not take her lasix today as it makes her urinate often and she did not
want to urinate back and forth in the office.

if the medicine works well, i will try to space out her appointments from now on.
patient is to come back in 10 days with a heating pad.

she is to keep her legs up to her knees in tap water and epsom salts.

reviewed the side effects with the patient in the pdr.

she rode five hours in a car without stopping to go to kansas.

i believe the patient is sitting on an adenocarcinoma of the prostate.

blood pressure is better, with the diastolic down two pounds.

she states that for the last two years her hair has been thinning and falling down
and she doesn't know why.

chest x-ray in *1794* was normal.

*persuasion* (perfusion) appears to be essentially normal.

if he continues to have problems, he will *contest* us in six months or so.

(contact)

the pain seems to radiate up into her head, which she describes as a numb
pressure.

he lives alone and cooks himself.

she says her shoulder bothers her a lot at night, but is not present now.

patient has no skin or other stigmata of hyperthyroidism.

she has been holding herself responsible for her mother's being raped all her
life.

...resulting in minimal *spondylolithiasis* (spondylolisthesis) at the l5

level.

patient has copd but continues smoking; has yellow fingers from 120*packs*of
cigarettes. (120 pack years)

she is grossly, probably morbidly, obese for her weight.

gi questioning is negative for stool in the blood.

her vertigo has stopped; that problem is mute right now.

had the usual childhood illnesses, such as mumps, measles and chicken *punks.*

assessment: myalgia related to previous *polo.*

because of morbid obesity, the patient was unable to be *weighted* here in the
office.

patient has lost weight by not drinking alcohol, pop or fat.

there is opacification of the tympanic membrane in the right ear, which will be
sent to dr. blank.
this is an elderly, *noncommunicable* lady with delusions and dementia.
(uncommunicative)

will get urine on her in 10 days.

thought to have decreased breath sounds by the home visiting nurse in her lower
lobe.

she is married to a significantly older young male.

i would like her to see a heart specialist for this wrist ganglion.

has had no more chest pain except one time when she ate a hell of a lot of mexican
food.

her husband is going to cook for her, which will be rather grotesque.

she says she has been enjoying her piano *lesions*. (lessons)

prescribed birth control pills - *desitin* 28 for one year. (desogen)

will give him *beclovent* for his bladder spasms. (baclofen)

low back pain, now with some *ridiculous* (radicular) symptoms

patient will be tested for gc, chlamydia, etc. due to stud exposure. (std)

she had recent blood work because of some *boozing* (bruising).

patient has cerumen *inaction* in the right external canal. (impaction)

she returns with foot pain, but she is still wearing high-*helled* shoes. (heeled)

discussed prevention of pinkeye by thorough hand *walking* (washing)

for his constipation, recommended stool softener and *brain* (bran) cereal.

fell down while roller *staking* (skating).

high blood pressure is under *god* control. (good)

the lesions were treated with frozen nitrogen *tripe* freeze. (triple)

rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid.

the patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

she stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she
got a divorce.

the baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician,
who breathed and cried immediately.

diagnosis: sick as hell disease

the patient worked his entire life as a grain elevator.

i saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
the patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is
presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to los angeles.

both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

the lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

the patient was to have a bowel resection. however he took a job as a stockbroker
instead.

examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no

distress.

patient was alert and unresponsive.

he is given a prescription for 30 darvocet in hopes that his knees will improve to
the point that he won't need them any longer.

she has had this headache since 1988.

patient has a followup visit with dr. blank but no other current complaints.

she had two deceased husbands who are already buried.

has tenderness in the lateral part of each abdomen.

this patient is angry and comes in just to pick up a fight with me.

he has had his prostate out, making prostate infection less likely.

past medical history is positive for arthritis, for which he takes beclovent,
serevent and ventolin inhalers.

told the patient he won't wake up if he doesn't drink liquids before bedtime.

patient already took 50 mg of phenergan prior to arrival here by mouth.

based on his progress, we should be able to stretch his visits out to a year.

she basically just sits in her wheelchair or on the couch and has very sedimentary
behavior.

she was in the emergency room for 7 days for a laceration on the back of her head.

her blood pressure was elevated, but at the time she was anxious to get rid of her
pap smear.

he adheres well to his medications.

he is on cephalexin for a rash on his legs from dr. blank.

we asked his daughter to come to the next visit to help dispose of her father.

after she has been lying a while, her back feels better.

extremities reveal normal male genitalia.

the skin lesions were removed with sharp dissection and were then dressed.

vagina is fairly well estrogenated with an estraderm patch.

assessment: x-ray shows a possible fifth finger fracture.

plan: will put a splint on it and send to radiologist for interpretation.

breast cysts run in the family.

no sign of pneumonia and both chests are clear.

experiencing paresthesias secondary to a tia in the legs and fingers.

patient in the office for the past three days with a harsh cough.

here because she bit her right tongue.

she had some ankle swelling but cut out the salt and that took care of it.

she said her old knee was back.

had a lesion on her back, which was itchy and fell off.

he has had difficulty holding onto things and has been *dripping* objects.

she sustained severe whiplash as *prescribed* by dr. blank.

patient's religion is *nondemonological*.

skin examination reveals a scaly *sot* on his face.

slightly *overwhite* male.

she will *boast* her intake of vitamins.

patient has fleeting pain lasting only a *fracture* of a second.

she has costochondritis and has been having *rectal*-sternal pain.

patient is more prone to developing a fungal *rush*.

patient had a hysterectomy 14 years ago. uterus is still present.

she will need a liver evaluation within one month to make sure it is gone.

patient denies use of alcohol or illicit vitamins.

complains of feeling a chest in the midsternal area.

takes estrogen in the form of tums

"i had the pleasure of beating your nice patient, mrs. smith..."
the doxepin has helped her sleep considerably at the expense of some bad dreams

the patient injured her right fifth hand while playing basketball

her pelvis has improved, although she still has some soreness after walking about
her right sacrum

he is playing baseball with his ?

minimal if any displacement of lateral malleolus fracture of left elbow

she is now aware of the ability to elevate the shoulder with gravity neutralized
in a supine position

about a week ago, she did not feel very well. she contacted dr. smith and then
began feeling better.

past medical history includes several admissions for exasperation of lung disease.

she was having a little problem holding onto her urine.

he has had increasing difficulty with ambulation and walking.

he has had no bowel habits, although initially he stated that when he was admitted
this was his major problem.

she has two living children, one of which has died.

some of the questions i was asking her about her higher mental functioning do not
make any sense.

dr. smith concurred and agreed to evaluate the patient on the floor.

i had been contacted by this lady's sister with whom she was residing by phone.

she was also instructed to gargle with salt water every two to three hours when
awake.

stressors include the fact that his neighbor has a large dog who does not follow
leash laws.

the patient now states that she has been having trouble eating food.

the patient is having increased difficulty doing his daily activities such as
reading, watching television, and driving outside.

beconase nasal spray to each nose.

the left leg became numb at times and she walked it off.

her father died in his 90s of female trouble in the prostate and kidneys.

both the patient and the nurse herself reported passing flatus.

skin: somewhat pale but present.

on the second day the knee was better. on the third day it had completely
disappeared.

the pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

the patient stated that if she would lie down, within 2-3 minutes something would
come across her abdomen and knock her up.

the patient has bilateral varicosities below the legs.

if he squeezes the back of his neck for 4-5 years it comes and goes.

the patient was seen in consultation by dr. smith who felt he should sit tight on
the abdomen and i agreed.

the speculum was inserted between the eyes.

dr. smith is watching his prostate.

coming from detroit, michigan, this man has no children.

at the time of onset of pregnancy, the mother was undergoing bronchoscopy.

she was treated with mycostatin oral suppositories.

this is a healthy-appearing, decrepit, 60-year-old white female, mentally alert

but forgetful.

when you pin him down, he has some slowing of the stream.

fractured pelvis and right breast came off with traction.

funduscopic examination reveals no choking of the breasts.

this is an 86-year-old female who is familiar with me.

the patient is explored using a balfour tractor.

her children are 12, 10 and 9; husband is approximately the same age.

basically she is blind and wants something done about her foot.

because of the fever, dr. smith did a pelvic examination.

the patient also has tangling of the feet.

rectal examination revealed no masses but did show yellow shoes.

vagina: rejected.

since the patient was a minor, she was placed in the lateral decubitus position.

abdomen is soft, bowel sounds are pleasant.

i saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

she notes a normal hell to toe gait without assistive device

there is a 1.5 cm open wound with non-inflamed boarders.

there is swallowing of the eyelids.

fatal heart tones 140 beats per minute.