The Effects of Children Left in Adoption

Adoption represents both a new beginning and the end of a previous way of life. Even in the best of circumstances, the loss of a birth family is difficult for a child to endure and understand. While the emotional and developmental effects of adoption can last a lifetime, they are usually manageable with support, counseling and education.

Trauma
Trauma can be rooted in the child's experiences prior to adoption, the adoption process itself or in both of these. In "Attaching in Adoption," Deborah Gray explains that traumatized children view the world as hostile. This perception can be manifested by hyper-alertness, helplessness in problem-solving, difficulty organizing information, aggression, dissociation, panic, oversensitivity and emotional numbing. A traumatized child may freeze and dissociate during times of anxiety or over-stimulation and give a mistaken impression of opposition or defiance.

Grief
Claudial Jewett, author of "Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss," describes three phases of grief: early, acute and subsiding. Initially an adopted child may appear withdrawn and numb with intermittent periods of crying, panic or irritability. There may also be episodes of denial, disbelief and hyperactivity. In the second phase, the child moves from strong emotions and a longing for how things used to be into the reorganization of feelings and the ability to move on with life. In the final phase, children who are coping effectively have fewer bouts of distress and often acquire the self perception of being a survivor. Ineffective coping is demonstrated by continued signs of depression, hostility and poor self esteem.

Rejection
Adopted children often view being placed for adoption by their birth families as rejection, according to Trish Maskew, author of "Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child." Rejection can then become a dominate theme and motivator. Children may avoid conflict or struggle with perfectionism due to fears of possible rejection by their adoptive parents. Routine experiences like arguing with peers or siblings can feel like traumatic events and spark intense insecurity. Attachment Difficulties The absence of a stable caregiver, or the loss of a previous caregiver can make attachment and intimacy a struggle for adopted children. They may be effected by any one of the many disorders identified on the attachment disorder spectrum. In "Attaching in Adoption," Gray says a child with reactive attachment disorder may lie, steal, show a lack of conscience and reject adoptive parents' attempts to connect. At the other end of the spectrum, children with an insecure, ambivalent attachment appear to trust their adoptive parents to a degree, but continue to worry

about parental permanence. Despite reassurance, these children remain anxious, excessively demanding, clingy and controlling. Identity Identity issues typically arise during adolescence, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway. Normal identity development is complicated by unanswered questions about the child's birth family and the reason for adoption. If the biological family is known, there may be comparisons of the lifestyle, class, culture, education and values of the two families. Integrating the differences and simultaneously trying to develop self identity can be difficult. The process can be complicated further if a teen feels uncomfortable or guilty talking about the adoption and birth parents with the adoptive parents.

How Does an Adoption Affect Young Children?

Young children who are adopted may face more difficulties than their peers. Babies and toddlers who are adopted may have delays or may have conflicting emotions because of their background, particularly when these children come from institutional settings or difficult circumstances. When adopted, young children may have a difficult time coping with feelings and attaching to their parents, even when they are loved and cared for. Development Without proper care, support and nutrients, many adopted children are behind physically, emotionally and cognitively at the time of their adoption. For example, a child adopted at 17 months of age may have the physical abilities of a 15-month-old, the cognitive skills of a 12month-old and the emotional abilities of a newborn. Adoptive parents must devote extra support and time to their child's developmental abilities if the child is faced with delays. Attachment The cycle of attachment normally occurs when an infant cries as a result of a stressful event and her needs are met by a caregiver, as described by the Family Attachment and Adoption Center of Oakland, California. Babies who live in orphanages or foster care situations may be left unattended for long periods and never fulfill the cycle of attachment. Other children may feel distant from their adoptive parents because they are trying to understand why they moved and changed families. Attachment difficulties among young children manifest as highly emotional reactions, difficulties with social interactions, an intense need for control, and clingy or selfdestructive behavior.

Grief Young children may suffer from feelings of loss long after an adoption has occurred. Children grieve the loss of a birth parent or their previous living situation, even if the circumstances provided substandard care. Because a young child may have difficulty expressing his feelings of grief, it may be manifested through his actions. Young children may frequently cry; they may overeat or become extremely picky with foods, or they may have difficulties with sleep, including waking frequently or having nightmares. History Depending on the circumstances, parents may adopt a child without much information about the child's medical or family history. This may occur in situations such as international adoptions or closed domestic adoptions. With an unknown family history, a child may face medical issues, resulting in costly or painful testing and diagnostic procedures to isolate the cause. Resources Because the effects of adoption on young children can be profound, mismanaging a child's feelings and behaviors can lead to permanently negative results. Parents of young children struggling after an adoption have resources available for help. For parents of a child who is developmentally delayed, an early intervention specialist can provide information about activities to foster developmental skills. Parents may also contact a therapist who specializes in adopted children for guidance for managing feelings of grief in a child. Local adoption agencies can provide resources, and parents can connect with a larger organization such as Creating a Family, a nonprofit resource for information about attachment in adoption.

Adoption Issues for Children

Building a family through adoption is similar to building a family through birth in many ways. However the differences cannot be ignored and, if navigated appropriately, will enahance the emotional growth of your child. During the adoption process you probably discussed some of the issues confronted by adopted children--yet when your child is experiencing them, those seminars are long in the past. Not all children will experience their adoption similarly and not all children need the same type of intervention, but all children do need to be allowed to experience the issues of their adoption in an atmosphere of love, openness and understanding. As a parent it's essential that you put aside your own issues and fears to help your child navigate this journey that he did not choose. Abandonment At some point in their lives, adopted children will wonder why they were not parented by their biological parents. Even if your child is happy, healthy and well-adjusted, these feelings can still

occur as your child processes the circumstances of his birth. This can show itself in separation anxiety, nightmares about loss, or emotional neediness. It can also swing the other way with a child who is reluctant to commit to people. Children involved in open adoptions, in which they occasionally see or hear from birthparents, have an easier time with this, as they have access to answers to their questions, according to Kathleen Silber in an article at adoptionhelp.org. Being Different Children in transracial adoptions are clearly different from their adopted parents, which brings up questions from friends and adults. If you are thinking of adopting transracially or have done so already, the book "Inside Transracial Adoption" by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg offers insight into how to help your child navigate feelings about being different. Reactive Attachment Disorder Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is difficult to treat and seen most often in the adoption of older children who have been neglected or abused in foster care or an orphanage. An article at adoptionissues.org reports that some symptoms can occur in as many as 80 percent of adopted children. It manifests in uncontrollable rages, violence, disobedience and anger. These children are often charming to strangers while creating chaos in their homes. RAD needs treatment from a healthcare provider experienced in dealing with the disorder. Other Behavior Issues Research psychologist Margaret Keyes published a study that showed adopted children having slightly higher behavioral issues such as Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) than their non-adopted peers. Her study showed that 25 percent of boys adopted domestically had ODD while 18 percent non-adopted boys showed signs of that disorder. In addition 29 percent of the adoptees in her study group showed ADHD compared to 8 percent of non-adopted boys. Her study showed the ratios to be the same for adopted girls, but the percentages were much lower.

Emotional Issues of Adoptees

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that more than 120,000 children are adopted each year in the U.S. When you adopt a child, whether it's domestic or international, you're mostly preoccupied with getting your new child integrated into your family. Often you don't think of the feelings and emotions that your adopted child may have when she learns of her adoption situation. Being sensitive to the emotional issues of adoptees can help you stay in tune with your child's feelings and look for ways to help her feel loved, secure and cared for in your home.

Bonding Issues Children who were raised mostly in the care of institutionalized orphanages in foreign countries often experience developmental and emotional delays, says the Journal of International Pediatrics. When they are accustomed to the large-scale care of an orphanage, having a family and individual attention can be overwhelming for children, causing them to digress in their behavior and even lash out at caregivers. Patience and understanding will go a long way in helping your adopted child feel comfortable in a family situation. Abandonment Issues Some adoptees will learn about their adoption stories and feel an overwhelming sense of abandonment, knowing that their birth families didn't "want" to raise them. This can cause depression, as noted by AdoptionIssues.org, and may require professional help from a psychologist to help them work through their feelings of sadness, loss and abandonment. Cultural Issues The Journal of International Pediatrics also warns adoptive parents about the possibility that their adopted child may feel culturally detached or struggle with her cultural identity. She may see misrepresentations of racial stereotypes depicted on television and become confused as to why she doesn't act that way. She may feel a sense of disconnect if she is of a different race than the rest of your family. She may even feel guilt or shame, as if she is betraying her culture by living with someone who is not like her. Encouraging cultural events, languages and social norms can help her feel more at home with you. Identity Issues Your adopted child may struggle with fitting in with the rest of your family. Even if he is of the same cultural background, he may be acutely aware that he is not a biological member of your family, which can cause confusion and rebellion against family values. Anger from being placed for adoption, mixed with a feeling of disconnect, can cause him to lash out and to struggle with his place in the world. Perhaps getting the chance to learn more about his biological family can help him understand the circumstances surrounding his adoption and appreciate his adoptive family even more.