1.

Introduction
This paper examines cohering illusions in a Discordian frame (or Lattice). Its not necessary to understand Discordianism (nor do I suggest understanding Discordianism as a likely or plausible goal for anyone) in order to reap the benefits of this paper (no benefits guaranteed). However, a few concepts are prerequisite. Unlike most Introductions, this introduction will prove useful to those who arent familiar with Discordianism. This may be typical in Discordian works. Ive drawn more value from the introduction to the fifth edition of the Principia Discordia than I have from entire canons of scripture in other religions. Yours in Discord and Accord, Ignatius Evelyn Ingoldsby, p.t.t., KSC, Magister of Magisterium, Founder of the EastNorth Raleigh Hello Kitten Kabal P.S. I have included a glossary at the end. Mostly to avoid trying your patience with excessive footnotes of things I thought were funny.

1.1 Nature of Illusion

In Discordianism, everything can be an illusion. Possibly everything is an illusion. This is a matter between you and your Pineal Gland (for the purposes of this paper, please consider the Pineal Gland to be the part of your brain which would happily be a Knight Who Says Ni but balk at an unhealthy interest in shrubbery). Unlike most Lattices, illusory status does not render something without meaning. Lunch time may be doubly an illusion, but I am still hungry. Like most Lattices, illusory status renders something A Joke. Since everything is an illusion, Everything Is A Joke. Again unlike other Lattices, Jokes are important. Possibly the most important things ever. If you feel a discomfiting buzz when you entertain that bit of cognitive dissonance, your Pineal Gland is trying to pipe up. Say Ni! Youll feel better.

1.2 Nature of Illusors

Many other Lattices imply that an illusion must have a mind experiencing it in order to exist. A mirage isnt a mirage unless something with eyes and some degree of intelligence is around to perceive an oxygen heat mirror as pristine glass water. Discordianism has as much or as little to say on this subject as one you can possibly imagine. Ive never seen another Discordian talk about it but Ive also never seen another Discordian defecate and I am nearly certain Im not the only Discordian who defecates. Thoughts? Opinions? Recipes for vegan steak? I am of the opinion that illusions do not necessarily require illusors but they can create illusors. And the illusions can take their dear sweet time about creating illusors and maybe just never pay that bill at all. For instance, concept of Self is an illusion which creates its own illusors. You, as a concept (and illusor), did not exist until the illusion of you spawned from other illusors. This is very convenient because it proves half of my assumptions in this paper with aplomb and very subtle Handwavium. Anyone who questions it will be treated however their religion (or irreligion) generally treats heretics (e.g. if youre a Discordian I will buy you a drink, if youre an American

Christian I will call you an atheist and rail against you on Fox News for ruining Christmas, if youre an atheist I will treat you like a clueless loudmouth who will one day learn better).

1.3 End of Introduction

Congratulations, you have reached the end of the introduction. If this is the first introduction youve ever read, you may mark that achievement unlocked. Otherwise, move along. Nothing else to see here.

2. Pluralities of Illusions
2.1 What Is A Cohering Illusion?
After that introduction, Im tempted to leave the rest blank. You may draw your own inferences. Some illusions exist in symbiosis with other illusions. I struggle to find an illustration to describe the relationship between these illusions. The two-faced god Janus? Batman, Robin, Batgirl, the Joker, and Catwoman? The trinity perceived by some Christians? That episode of The Next Generation where Data played the semi-malicious Sun god and Picard played the trickster companion moon good? This next reference describes the situation more adequately than any other example I know of: as American as motherhood and apple pie. If youve left the U.S. (or, better yet, never been in it), you know there are mothers outside U.S. I suspect motherhood is alive and well in many places and that motherhood existed before the U.S. did. Apple pie may perhaps be more American than not, but what role it has in U.S. nationalistic pride is a mystery to me (leave it a mystery; I enjoy surprise solutions to mysteries). While the illusion of motherhood is not distinctly American, inside the U.S. Patriotism meta-Lattice it and apple pie are intrinsically tied. Likewise, in the meta-Lattice of Western economics, free market and capitalism are intrinsically tied. An economist from that meta-Lattice may tell you free market is capitalism and vice versa. As it so

happens, this is absurd (absurdity can be a virtue if one is self-aware) but Im not interested in having a debate on the subject. Its duller than the Kalam Cosmological Model argument and that would cure anyones insomnia. Another example of a cohering illusion is that of time and space. In general relativity in our universe, one cannot exist without the other. They are functions of each other. They might be the same thing. Of course, it may turn out with Quantum Physics that both are even more meaningless than they appear to be (yay!) but time and space are very enjoyable illusions when you are neither in the wrong place nor the wrong time. Of course, you may also enjoy the space-time illusion when you are in the wrong place and/or time since wrong is situational at best and some illusions enjoy being contrary. If only all cohering illusions were so pleasant and accommodating. The concept of Human Resources, in contrast, coheres the meta-Selves illusion with the illusion of resources. Illusors meant to think of themselves as individualistic humans shouldaccording to this conceptalso consider themselves tantamount to something which can be harvested or mined. The implementation of this illusion creates abundant happiness for wealthy illusors and unhappiness as abundantly for the non-wealthy illusors. The non-wealthy illusors thought they were Selves but what kind of Self can be logged like a forest? I wont delve deeply into the illusion of Human Resources. If something here touched a chord with you, I suggest looking into Black Iron Prison, work in progress though it may be.

2.2 What Can I Do With Them

Its tempting to say anything you want, but it would be difficult to destroy the illusion of U.S. Patriotism by making apple pie unpopular. Even if you could, it would be easier to destroy it some other way because apple pie is not an integral part of the illusion U.S. Patriotism. But lets say for a moment that you tried: advertisements (or more likely subvertisements) of Soviet Mothers treating their children well and also feeding them apple pie. This would probably backfire. You wouldnt make mothers, apple pie, or U.S. Patriotism unpopular. Youd mostly feed into the illusion Everybody Wants To Be An American. You might also create a new illusion: Soviets want to steal motherhood and apple pie. Im fond of this potential-illusion. Which brings up a good point for my non-Discordian audience. Discordianism would generally find the creation of a new illusion (Soviets want to steal motherhood and apple pie) every bit as valuable and valid (and probably more valuable and valid) than the destruction of another illusion. Eris didnt toss the apple with the intention of destroying Troy. She tossed it to see what would happen. And also to get back at the gods who snubbed her. She didnt destroy the Olympian party, she subverted it. If youre not a Discordian, you may not care which goal Discordians would find more worthy. If thats the position youre in, I suggest looking into Discordianism. Its rather freeing to walk away from Lattices which value absolutes and concrete goals over enlightenment. If you like your enlightenment with more orgies, conspiracy theories, and alien abduction, Subgenius may be your thing. Neither we nor the Subgenii are especially into proselytizing. Count that as another feature. Operators are standing by, supplies are limited, blah blah blah. Subverting illusions is fun and profitable, but you can also create illusions yourself and this can be funner. For instance, imagine you work in an office building where a wing is separated from the rest with an unlocked metal door which can be propped open using the little foot screwed onto the door. If you make a

sign on the wing side which instructs everyone to keep the door closed and another sign on the common side in a different font which says to keep the door open, imagine what might happen! The folks nearest the door on either side will be at odds over which sign to follow. Those on the wing side may say the sign on their side is correct. A mythology will build up over the purpose behind each sign (The Accts. Receivable department made the door closed sign to discourage unproductive socialization and sight-seeing. The Marketing department made the door opened sign because they want to hear the gossip from Engineering. Safety made the door opened sign because closing the door causes a ten second delay in escaping the building. Safety made the door closed sign to delay violent intruders entering that part of the building. They wanted to put bulkhead doors in every part of the building but IT overruled them because its difficult getting the boxes in and out of the doors.). Lines will be drawn. Investigations will occur! As you may imagine, I have no feelings whatsoever on the validity of such a campaign. Note: If youre wondering how the sign trick qualifies as a cohering illusion, its because the fun doesnt happen without the signs being paired. So, theres that. Ill leave you to think of other possibilities. Never let it be said that Discordians do all the thinking for you.

3. Conclusion
According to someone somewhere who most people apparently believe, conclusions should restate what youve already said in the paper. Puppies are cute and adorable. Without them, the world would be a far darker place. If I had a puppy, I would name it Mylar and write stories about its adventures in a far off world fighting the morally ambiguous Confederacy of Whazzit.

4. Glossary
Atheism - Acknowledgement that theists have yet to provide any interesting evidence for their claims. Practically speaking, a mixed bag. There are many secret atheists and I cant say much about them. Public atheists could be divided into five groups: dicks with good reason, dicks above and beyond the call of duty, dicks about people being dicks, dicks by not being dicks even though they maybe ought to sometimes (the Tohru Hondas of unbelief), and people who are too busy having orgies or baking cakes because who needs a reason to have orgies or bake cakes. Christianity - There are many versions. The most popular in the U.S. is a theistic Lattice which says the god Jehovah has done some very bad things but he will forgive us anyway if we something something something vague Jesus, Easter, Christmas. Dicks - Slang term for genitals of some animals on Earth. The Principia Discordia has nothing particular to say about dicks unless The Hotdog is taken as a phallic reference. If taken phallically, the bun may symbolize condoms. Glossary - A concise (ha!) explanation of terms which may be unfamiliar (ha ha ha) to your audience. Usually a waste of time. Hopefully funny. Handwavium - A type of magic better referenced than explained. Illusor - An illusion capable of carrying other illusions. Lattice - A Discordian concept illustrating the futility of perceiving a universe through dogmatic world views. The religion and culture you were born into form a Lattice. Other Lattices are patched into your Lattice as time progresses. Unless, of course, you never change your opinions about anything. Thats not recommended. In other news, Lattices are fun at parties and when intoxicants are involved. Otherwise, they are the long way about doing the wrong thing.

 Meta - For my purposes, the combination of many other things. For instance, a Self is an individual illusor containing the illusion of individuality, but if you want to talk about a large group of Selves with a particular similarity, you might say the meta-Selves composed of Rock God players. Mythology - A set of stories intrinsically tied to a culture. Mythologies often cohere with that cultural identity (i.e. the mythology and culture create each other). The literal veracity of a mythology is irrelevant to its meaning and many true things may also be myths. See Principia Discordia on truth. Puppy - An immature canine (quadrupedal terrestrial mammal) with disproportionately large eyes. It is primarily kept by humans to infuse rugs with urea and elicit the human evolved response of cutegasm. Why - A question humans are curiously selective about asking (Example: why did you waste time writing this? but rarely why do you commute if it makes you miserable?)