Is she domineering, hard-nosed, malicious and controlling? Does she: Always dictate what happens with the children?

Make all communication as awkward as possible? Complicate arrangements when a simple Yes or No would suffice? Think she can interfere in your life? Still punish him for moving on with his life? Waste Police and Court time with her lies and petty made up stories about her be ing the Victim? Ex-wife seeks to control ex-husband's time with their children. Ex-wife makes child contact as difficult as possible. Many ex-wives have wasted valuable Police time with their lies and unfounded all egations. Ex-wife involves young children in court action, CSA and burdens them with her a dult concerns. Ex-wife insists on calling the children on their mobile phone while they are sup posed to be relaxing and enjoying their time with their father yet blocks any ca lls ex-husband may make to the children. Ex-wife refuses to give children privacy when their father calls to speak to the m; she will listen to the call and coach the child in what to say. Ex-wife enrols anyone who will listen to her into her hate ex-husband campaign. Ex-wife claims everything is the ex-husbands fault and she was totally blameless throughout the marriage. Giving children choices when they really have no choice about visits. Telling the child what you want them to think. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport th eir possessions between residences. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs or other parent's work schedule. Ex-wife schedules the children is so many activities that the other parent is ne ver given the time to visits. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation. Plann ing vacations or special events or trips to the mall to buy something they alway s wanted. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a goo d time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicat e. When parents pretend physically or psychologically rescue the children when ther e is no threat to their safety. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent. The characteristics of active alienators are: Lashing out at the other parent in front of the children. Their problem has more to do with loss of self-control when they are upset than with a sinister motiva tion. After calming down, active alienators realize that they were wrong. They u sually try to repair any damage or hurt to the children. During the making up, s uch parents can be very comforting and supportive of the child's feelings. Like naive alienators, active alienators allow the children to have different fe elings and beliefs from their own. During the flare ups of anger, however, the d elineation between the child and parent's beliefs can become very blurry until t he parent calms down and regains control. They can be very rigid and uncooperative with the other parent. This is usually a passive attempt to strike back at the other parent for some injustice. The Obsessed Alienator "I love my children. If the court can't protect them from their abusive father, I will. Even though he's never abused the children, I know it's a matter of time . The children are frightened of their father. If they don't want to see him, I' m not going to force them. They are old enough to make up their own minds." The obsessed alienator is a parent, or sometimes a grandparent, with a cause: to align the children to his or her side and together, with the children, campaign

to destroy their relationship with the targeted parent. For the campaign to wor k, the obsessed alienator enmeshes the children's personalities and beliefs into their own. This is a process that takes time but one that the children, especia lly the young, are completely helpless to see and combat. It usually begins well before the divorce is final. The obsessed parent is angry, bitter or feels betr ayed by the other parent. The characteristics of obsessed alienators are: They are obsessed with destroying the children's relationship with the targeted parent. They having succeeded in enmeshing the children's personalities and beliefs abou t the other parent with their own. The children will parrot the obsessed alienator rather than express their own fe elings from personal experience with the other parent. The targeted parent and often the children cannot tell you the reasons for their feelings. Their beliefs sometimes becoming delusional and irrational. No one, e specially the court, can convince obsessed alienators that they are wrong. Anyon e who tries is the enemy. They will often seek support from family members, quasi-political groups or frie nds that will share in their beliefs that they are victimized by the other paren t and the system. The battle becomes "us against them." The obsessed alienator's supporters are often seen at the court hearings even though they haven't been s ubpoenaed. They have an unquenchable anger because they believe that they have been victimi zed by the targeted parent and whatever they do to protect the children is justi fied. They have a desire for the court to punish the other parent with court orders th at would interfere or block the targeted parent from seeing the children. This c onfirms in the obsessed alienator's mind that he or she was right all the time. The court's authority does not intimidate them. The obsessed alienator believes in a higher cause, protecting the children at al l cost. The obsessed alienator will probably not want to read what is on these pages bec ause the content just makes them angrier. There are no effective treatments for either the obsessed alienator or the child ren. The courts and mental health professionals are helpless. The only hope for these children is early identification of the symptoms and prevention.