Secrets of an Undercover Agent

Bethany K. Scanlon

Published: 2008 Tag(s): fiction romance love Christianity popular Novel action adventure new Christian Religion Online Novel covert operations

Foreword by Tracy L. Baldwin

Former female FBI Special Agent and Author of God Is Bigger Than Your FBI

The FBI is a boys club. As the FBI Director, J. Edgar Hoovers 48 year dictatorship demanded it and his legacy continues some 35 years after his death. The law now requires that the FBI hire female Special Agents and their wooing is effective. However, once safely engulfed behind the secretive FBI walls, women often find themselves in the bizarre world of reprehensible treatment. I lived in that world for nine years. By the grace of God I survived with my integrity and honesty in tact. Others were not as fortunate. Bethany K. Scanlon is about to take you on a journey outside the constraints of FBI policy and even, at times, the law. I never had that luxury - now you do. I met Bethany when she joined the Drama Team at Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. The first thing that struck me was her amazing smile and the light behind her eyes. She doesnt just have bright eyes, she has what I would soon come to know as Gods Spirit shining through her. She is warm, engaging and has a clever and quick wit. She also has an infectious laugh. There is no pretense with Bethany and much of her wisdom was developed as she endured extreme trials and disappointments throughout her life. Necessity taught her to be tough, God taught her to trustso what you have in Bethany is an outstanding Christian woman with perception and street smarts. Bethany now uses her gifts and talents to encourage, inspire and help others. She has been instrumental in producing, directing and acting in the Lakewood Players Drama Team and Kids Life Ministries. She also continues to share her insight through her many books.

The journey before you is a new possibility. Open yourself to the world of FBI Special Agent Sarah Higgins in Secrets of an Undercover Agent.

Who was J. Edgar Hoover?

Even though this book is a work of fiction, J. Edgar Hoover is mentioned several times and since he is not a fictional character, I am going to give you a very short history of his life as a Federal Bureau of Investigation director and his well-known attitude toward women special agents. Attorney General Charles Bonaparte created the FBI from a force of special agents in 1908 during the presidency of Theodore Roosevelt. On July 26, 1908, Bonaparte ordered this force of special agents within the Department of Justice to report to Chief Examiner Stanley W. Finch. This act is known as the start of the FBI. John Edgar Hoover was born on January 1 , 1895 , in Washington, D.C. He received his education at George Washington University , graduating in 1917 with a law degree. Attorney General Harlan Fiske Stone, under President Calvin Coolidge, selected Hoover to head the Bureau of Investigation on May 10, 1924. Hoover said that women were not suitable to work as special agents due to their unpredictable nature. He said that even though women probably could learn to fire a gun, he could not imagine them shooting it out with gangsters. When he was director, he fired (or forced out) all three of the only female special agents the FBI had. He also believed that women with red hair were especially prone to crime. It also was rumored heavily that Hoover was a cross-dressing homosexual. However, he refused to admit to it publicly. J. Edgar Hoover died in his sleep on May 2, 1972, after directing the FBI for forty-eight years. Shortly thereafter, women again were allowed to serve in the FBI as special agents.

Chapter

My Secret Life

I sat silently in the study, tapping my pencil on the antique oak desk I had painted white. For the past two hours, I had been staring at the new decor of cobalt blue walls with off-white trim. When we moved here, I spent an entire month decorating this room the way that I saw fit. Soft colors, hard lines, and minimal furniture. I had one desk, one wooden chair with wheels, and one bookcase. All purchased from a garage sale, and all repainted by me in what the can called almond white. I wanted a comfortable writing sanctuary, a place to call my own clean from the worries of life. Our familys newly adopted dog Scooter let out a sneeze as he snuggled closer, happily asleep next to my bare feet. His long white Maltese hair felt wonderfully warm and slightly itchy. And no I didnt get him because he matched the furniturethat was purely coincidence. As I straightened the scraggly light green throw pillow behind my back and readjusted the matching blanket, I looked at the blank page with eraser marks that had smudged the first five lines. Okay, here it goes again My name isno scratch that. How the heck do you start one of these things? I sharpened my pencil and then closed the pretty pink notebook I had purchased at Sharons boutique down the street. Get a hold of yourself, Sarah! Its just a journal! Its not hard! Nobody reads these things anyway. Remember, it was your idea to write down your life story A familiar voice broke through my mock concentration. Mom! Mom! I cant find the leftover pizza in the fridge. What did you do with it? I looked pensively at my teenage son. Go ask your sister and leave me alone, Im trying to write in here.

His rebuttal was quick as usualjust like his dad, I might add. The apple did not fall far from the tree. No problem. Ill just order another one and charge it to your credit card. I sighed and in that moment, I decided to switch to writing my life story the old-fashioned wayon my laptop. Close the door behind you when you leave. The double French doors slammed shut and I turned on my computer. Okay now where was I? As I stare out my window, gazing towards the meadow filled with yellow dais no that sounds stupid. Alright, lets try this.

My Secret Life My real name is Sarah Higgins, but I barely remember anymore because I have been so many people. In fact, Ive led several different lives Its a horrible feeling losing sight of who you really are, or should I say, was Im getting older and my mind has been slipping. Partially because I want it to it gets tiring reliving the memories. However, before it completely goes, I want to tell the world, I want to share my life, my secrets, my everything with someone. Anyone who will listen, anyone who will understand. I am sick of being alone, alone with my secrets

My Childhood I bet you are thinking that I lived a poor life, a life of no meaning, no worth, and that is why I wanted to be an undercover agent. Well, you are wrong on the poor part, but right about the meaningless part. As an only child, raised with no father, and a mother who held a night job and slept during the day, I spent many hours alone. Alone with my thoughts, daydreams, and fantasies. You see, my mother was a prostitute, and I used to watch her dress up in many different outfits. Nurse, teacher, Catholic schoolgirl but the reigning favorite was always Catwoman with a whip. Raiding her closet and practicing my walking abilities in her heels

kept me amused for hours. I would dress up and imitate different voices. Yes, I learned acting at a very young age. We lived in a very nice, upscale apartment in New York. An apartment in a building where my mother tipped the doorman well to stay tight lipped about her comings and goings at all hours of the night in her different uniforms. My moms Madame, nicknamed Lady Marmalade, had a black book filled with high paying clients. Clients who favored their entertainment well-manicured and always ready for adventure. I met Lady Marmalade, who my mom called Charise, many times. Charise was plump with short hair and butch features. She chain smoked, but never used profanity. She felt it was distasteful and forbid her girls from using it also. Well, unless a client preferred it. Supposedly, her nickname Lady Marmalade was what she used when she was a call girl in New Orleans. Rumor has it she spoke French to her patrons and was quite well known there. Charises lover was a tall, skinny brunette with a very shapely figure. Charise held an annual New Years Eve party that lasted at least a week, and mom always brought me with. Many of Charises girls were single mothers, so during the party, the children were given the large studio on her third floor to run around in. She even provided a nanny, toys, sleeping bags, and plenty of treats for us. Over the years, I bonded with a girl named Victoria, but I only saw her during the famous New Years bashes. Every year we looked forward to seeing one another and would stay joined at the hip for the entire week. Victoria would shriek with laughter when she saw me and always had a bulky pink and furry bag dragging behind her. Sarah! I brought all of my dolls to play with! We began to grow apart as we reached high school age, and last I heard, she never finished and became one of Madame Charises top girls. My Father When I was about eight years old, I questioned my mom about my dad. Mainly, wanting to know who and where he was. She showed me his picture in her high school yearbook. The high school she dropped out of when she was pregnant with me. My dad was very handsome, but also the high school football coach, who was married with two kids. I studied his picture for hours, determining that I had his nose and cheekbones. I decided that I had my moms beautiful almond-shaped green eyes and her naturally curly golden hair. Height isnt something I am blessed with, Ive never made it past 52, even on a good day. My

mom, whose hobby was studying the martial arts, made sure I learned to defend myself at an early age

Sarah, its time for your lesson with Master Shu Lee. I jutted out my lower lip. I dont want to go, Hes mean. My mom crossed her long arms across her chest. What hes teaching you might one day save your life! At eight years old, playing with dolls was a heck of lot more interesting than karate, but by the time I turned ten, I was addicted and an avid learner. By fifteen, I was a black belt and at the top of my class. I was also the most feared girl in school Sarah! Your principal said that if you get in one more fight at school you are going to be expelled! My mom stood glaring at me in love with her arms akimbo on her hips. My accusatory teenage rebellion snapped back. Whadda I need school for? You never graduated, and you make money! My mom looked away for a moment as if pausing to reflect on a former life, and then she slowly brought her eyes back to mine. Please, Sarah. This isnt the type of lifestyle I want you living if I could do it all over again She paused and wiped away the tears beginning to form. Years of destitution and wasted time hung from her face as she silently pleaded, Dont follow in my footsteps, with unfulfilled dreams in her eyes. It was that look on her face that kept me steady for the rest of my life. The look that gave me the courage to make a heart decision to get a respectable job and do something with my life. More than anything, I wanted my mom to be proud of me. Proud of her little girl.

Shortly after that conversation, Mom took me to an Easter service at St. Patricks Cathedral. I had never been in a church before and the high ceilings and gothic design spooked me. I remember after service, my mom walking to the front and kneeling down. Not knowing what to do, I stood back and watched her, curious. When she finished, I asked. What were you doing? She smiled while brushing away the tears. I was asking for mercy, for God to forgive me. A flash of anger entered my heart. Why? I exclaimed. What did you do wrong? The right corner of her mouth twisted and I could tell she was holding back a flood of emotions. She put her arm around my waist and pulled me closer as we walked out of the church. One day youll understand. My Darkest Hour The most memorable day of my life was my seventeenth birthday. I went home expecting mom to be there with a big grin on her face and gifts waiting, like every birthday. She never worked on my birthday and always made a big production over it. My birthdays were always just her and me, since I never really had any close friends. Other girls would try to befriend me, but I never let anyone in. I was always afraid of someone finding out that my mom sold her body for a living. Mom warned me on many occasions that if anyone found out, she would go to jail, and I would be sent to a foster home. Not wanting to be separated from her, I closed myself off from having peers. Walking through our door on my seventeenth birthday, I was greeted with silence . Hello! Mom? Mom! Where are you? I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a soda. A homemade pink and white cake was in there with Happy Birthday Sarah written across the top. A smile formed across my lips. Maybe shes in the shower. Nope. Not in there.

Knock, Knock A sharp rapping at our door. I peeked out the peephole. A young man in a police uniform cleared his throat. My heart leapt with joy. Ooh! Mom hired a stripper! I quickly unlatched the lock and let him in while looking down both sides of the hall for mom. He took off his hat and held it in his hand. Are you Ms. Sarah Higgins? The tone of his voice sent a chill through my short frame. Yes. I I He scratched his head. Have you seen your mom today, Sarah? No, I was at school. Red crept up his neck and to his nose. When is the last time you saw her? I began to get frustrated. Whats going on? Why are you asking these questions? He looked at the ground and then into my eyes. Im sorry to have to tell you this, but I need you to come with me to the city morgue. I need you to identify a body we found this morning. To identify whether or not it is your moms. Denial reared its ugly head while a certain dread crept through me. Its not my moms! Shes okay. You have the wrong person! But it was my moms body. My denial was surpassed by grief as I stared at her with vacant eyes. Beaten and bruised with a slashed throat, she was left in a dumpster, naked and alone. The police said that they would investigate, but they never did. Police dont care about dead prostitutes. Shortly thereafter, a hatred for law enforcement formed in my belly, and to this day has never quite gone away. Three days later, I was sent to a foster home

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My Short Stay in Foster Care I have to say I was a really horrible foster child. After my moms death, I was hardened, angry, resentful, and plain pissed off at the world. My foster parents were a sweet older black couple with grown kids of their own. The dad was a pastor of a black Baptist church, and their rule was that the foster children attend Sunday service once a week. How could there be a God? was my angry retort whenever anyone asked. The heavens declare His glory, someone would almost always respond. The other famous line I would be fed was, We walk by faith, not by sight, or, The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Hostility reigned in my heart, and no matter what anyone else told me, I was determined to go my own way. Pastor Ronny, my foster father, would joyfully pray over all of our meals together, and I envied his faith in an invisible being. I stayed with my foster family until the day I was eighteen and then left without a word. My next stop was the police academy. I had a bone to pick and a vendetta to fulfill. It would be a long time before I was willing to let go of what they did or should I say, failed to do concerning finding my moms killer. The Turnaround Okay, not so fast. I forgot something. When I graduated high school, right before I left my foster home, I had a job as a checker at the local grocery. The managers son worked there too and well we fell in love. Small backyard wedding, lived in a rat-infested apartment, and luckily, I never conceived. That lasted roughly three years until I was sick of playing apartment wife and grocery checker. He wasnt a bad husband, its just that he couldnt wait to be a grocery store manager like his dad. His mom was fat, gossipy, and wore too much make-up with no life to speak of. I was so afraid of ending up like her, I ran. Ran straight into the arms of the NYPD. I still had a sharp longing to get them back for not finding my moms killer. For not caring.

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Working for the NYPD Not too many women in New York Citys police department those days. Matter of fact, most women on the force were parking meter attendants, and that is what I had to do my first year, until I was moved to a secretarial position. It was the 60s, and women were burning their bras and practicing unsafe sex to try to push equality. It would still take several years for law enforcement to catch up with the idea of a women being able to do a mans job. Working for the police department was the longest two years of my life. The men had huge egos and some were more villainous than the bad guys we were trying to catch. One day, I pulled my moms file and made a copy. When I got home, I cried over it with a bottle of red wine, the unfairness of it all driving my root of bitterness deeper. Then something exciting happened. A big case came up that the FBI bullied their way into demanding that the NYPD work with them. They were preparing to go undercover, and since I was privy to the details, I decided to step up to the plate with my idea. I mean, what could it hurt? It wasnt like I could get any lower on the police force totem pole.

Agent Marks? Heres your coffee, black just like you requested. I handed him his cup and he sipped it slowly, careful not to burn his tongue. Thank you, Sarah. He began to turn away. I gathered strength. Agent Marks? He turned back and looked at me. Yes? Without hesitating, I leapt. I have an idea for the Turner case.

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Agent Marks didnt bother to hide his surprise. And what would that be? Since women havent been allowed to be special agents since the late 20s, if you had a female go undercover, you could probably get a lot further, faster in the case. Agent Marks rocked back on his heels while stroking his stubbly, dented chin. He was a mildly handsome man with a square jaw and an air of superiority. You definitely have a point. But I dont know of any woman who would take that kind of risk. I squared my shoulders I would.

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Part 1 Life #1 The Turner Case

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Chapter

2
Life #1 The Turner Case

Operation School Girl

I was twenty-three when the FBI trained me for my first case. Agent Marks had to obtain special permission from Hoover, who did not think women were good enough to be special agents, but his desire to have this case solved surpassed his personal preferences. J. Edgar Hoover was a difficult man, who was well known for his abhorrence of women and abusive, derogatory mouth and antics. The bureau fast tracked me through two months of training and off I went. Not a hard case, not at first, but since I was young with a baby face, I was a perfect fit. I was to go undercover in a New York City private high school and get close to the top drug runner. This person was selling to the kids, and they had a tip from a group of self-righteous students that the dealer was Cole Turner who received his supply from out of state. My code word in case I got into trouble was stop the bus, and my job was to find out Turners source. First Day of School Students welcome Alexandra Ralston, who transferred here from a school in South Bronx, my new stately teacher said in a fake chipper voice. Her face was haggard and she looked to be in her mid-sixties. Her blouse was too big and her hideously ugly orange skirt dragged the ground. Wanting to immediately showcase my bad girl attitude, I tossed my hair and grunted, Call me Alex.

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The students looked me over and snorted, one kid even whistled. The Bradley School was well known for housing upper class Manhattan kids. One girl with braids smiled with her braced teeth and motioned me to sit next to her. I happily obliged. She passed a note letting me know her name was Lucy and would I like to sit next to her at lunch? I sized Lucy up quickly; her dress was unfashionable and she appeared desperate. Poor girl, I didnt want to hurt her, but I had a reputation to maintain. I glanced over at her and shook my head No and mouthed, Ive got plans sorry. After class, I walked outside and lit a cigarette. I actually detested everything about cigarettes, but last night I sat in my apartment practicing how to smoke them. Agent Marks also showed me how to roll a joint and inhale. He laughed as I ate everything in sight, and then passed out while giggling at nothing in particular. I cant believe kids find marijuana entertaining. But anyway, I was prepared to fit in. A scraggly student with bellbottoms and a ripped black t-shirt with Make Love Not War written across it walked up to me. Hey, can I bum one of those from you? He had dark red hair and light green eyes. He also looked and smelled like he hadnt bathed in weeks. Yeah, sure. I handed him a cigarette. He lit it and deeply inhaled. So youre new here? Havent seen you before. I cocked my head to the side and appeared unconcerned. Just arrived today Pops got a job about two miles from here so we had to move. Groovy. Well, nice to meet ya. Peace out. My new comrade waved two fingers in the air at me and stumbled on. I snuffed out my halfsmoked cigarette and went to my next class. My smoking buddy was sitting in the back row. So youve got Mrs. Jeannes class. Welcome. He pulled a desk next to his and I sat down.

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He introduced himself as Tony and said hed give me a dollar if Id give him a couple more smokes. He had forgotten his pack at home. Next class was lunch and we walked together. He invited me to sit at his table, which turned out to be full of little hippies with bloodshot eyes and tie-dyed shirts. The entire table was wearing Birkenstocks, including me. Tony looked the bunch over and introduced me. This is Alex. Shes eating with us. Make room. Surprisingly, I sensed no hostility from the group and caught on quickly that Tony was considered their leader. No ones name at the table was Cole, but my sixth sense was telling me that I was in the right direction. My gym class was after lunch, and one of the girls from my lunch table was in there with me. Her name was Sheila, and she was extremely thin with dark brunette hair and sallow brown eyes with dark circles encasing them. The coach decided that track was the sport of the day and we marched outside to the field Listen up. We are going to warm up by walking a mile, and then we are racing. I want two teams. Cole, you are team captain one, and Julian, you are team captain two. Men, pick your teams. Sheila hissed in my ear, Sexist pig. Never occurred to the idiot that a woman could be a team captain. I nodded my approval while looking over Cole. He was a stunning six foot four god with rippling muscles and sandy blond hair. I jabbed my thumb at him. Whos that? Sheila harrumphed. Cole Turner, all around jock and jerk. Basketball and hockey team. I let out a whistle. Id like to rock his world.

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Sheila laughed. Stand in line. He has a girlfriend, but no one around here is faithful. So knock yourself out. I just might. Sheila and I stood there gawking til everyone was picked but us. Obviously, we didnt look like we were too good of runners. What they didnt know was that I ran on a regular basis to keep up my endurance for karate matches. Cole and Julian stood staring at us. It was Coles turn to pick. He looked both of us over and then shrugged his shoulders. I guess Ill take the new girl. Sheila moped over to Julians team and I acted as if I could have cared less. Actually, my stomach was doing back flips. I needed to make sure Coles first impression of me was a good one. He didnt pay me any mind, just ordered everyone to follow his directions. When it came time to race, I decided to earn Coles notice. At the sound of the whistle, I began to run. Faster, Sarah, come on. I easily took the lead and then a few yards from the finish line, it dawned on me that I was supposed to be a chain-smoking pothead, not an athlete. I slowed my pace and then bent over and beat my chest while coughing. Everyone else passed me and Cole came jogging over Red-faced and puffing, Cole began to scream at me. What is wrong with you? You almost beat them! I stood up and faced him. Dont you care if Im alright or not? Whats wrong with you? Cole huffed. Obviously, you are. I should have picked the other girl. He began to storm off, but I wasnt about to let it go. I had to get interaction with him. Acting quickly, I ran in front of him and kicked him in the shin. He grabbed his leg like a hurt puppy. Ow! Stupid girl! Whaddya do that for?

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Sheila and a few others sitting in the bleachers began to clap and cheer me on. Kick him again! Kick him again! Coles face twisted up in anger and I decided to taunt him. Ooooh! You wouldnt hit a girl would ya? Cole hobbled off and Sheila ran up to me. That was the funniest thing Ive seen in a long time, her admiration apparent. We walked back to the locker room together and she continued to talk. Wait till I tell Tony. He hates Cole. Two more class periods passed, Calculus and English, and then I was off to American History. Cole was sitting in the second row from the front and Tony was lounging in the back corner, feet propped up on the chair in front of him. As soon as Tony noticed me, he smiled and waved me back. I began to walk past Cole as he shot a nasty look my way. Deciding to backtrack, I glided to the front of Coles desk, leaned over, got into his face and growled. He rolled his eyes and the rest of the class laughed. Tony hi-fived me and I sat down next to him. Sheila told me you kicked him in gym glass today. Tony said obnoxiously loud. He deserved it, I said shrugging my shoulders. Cole turned around in his seat and sneered. He looked like an ogre sitting on a mushroom. We can take this outside, Tony. Tonys face jelled into a mysterious smile. Wouldnt hurting me, hurt your income? Cole snorted and turned back around resuming his emperor like posture just as the teacher walked in the room. Tony leaned forward and whispered loudly in my ear. Hey, theres a party at my place after school. Wanna come? he looked at me expectantly.

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Lead the way.

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Chapter

Non Stop
That party was the beginning of many. I smoked pot and cigarettes and chased it all with cheap booze. Before I would pass out, another partier would always supply me with a bump of cocaine to perk me up. Three months passed and the only thing I found out was that Tony, along with several others, did indeed buy their drugs from Cole, but no one seemed to have any clue where Cole got them from. My handling agent, Marks, met me secretly in Little Italy one night Sarah, Hoover is thinking about pulling you off this case. Its been over three months, and you have no information. Cheese from Agent Marks crusty calzone was hanging off his chin. We were sitting outside on the curb by a pizza stand. The smell of fresh baked bread entertained my senses while sweat from the heat bathed my already dry skin. I defended myself. Ive seen Cole do plenty of deals. He is definitely the top person to get the goods from. Across the street, a vendor selling t-shirts with the Italian flag on them was in an intense argument with a customer. Agent Marks leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. Cole is nothing. Hes not a real bust. Hes only the middle man. We are looking for his supplier, his out-of-state supplier. The customer finally handed the Italian flag vendor some cash and stormed off. I returned my attention to the task at hand. Just give me a little more time, I pleaded. I need this. There is no way Im going back to pushing papers at the police department.

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Ill give you two weeks to give us a name. If you cant do it, Im going to have to pull you. By the way, you look like crap. He pushed his hat down further on his head, tucking the hair under. Thanks, I grunted as I headed for the subway, stopping only to purchase an Italian flag t-shirt.

The Secret The next day at school, I waited by Coles rusted out Army green Jeep. When he saw me, he shook his head. What do you want? I need something. I said standing in his way. He unlocked his car and began to climb in. Even mad, the guy was still incredibly beautiful. Get it from Tony. Leave me alone. I crawled in next to him and shut the door. What for? I already know he gets it from you. Grimacing, he tried to start his car. It wouldnt turn over. Get out of my car. I fastened the seatbelt. No. His face turned violet and he raised his voice. I said get out of my car now! Make me. I said with a steady voice. Your car wont even start. Cole looked around the parking lot. It was full of people, including two security guards. He exploded, What is it you want?

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I need a quarter bag. I said defiantly. I was not going to back down. Im not giving it to you here. He wiped his brow, obviously frustrated. I continued to stand strong. Well, Im not leaving til I get it. Cole turned the ignition six more times before giving up. He slammed the palms of his hands on the steering wheel. Then youll just have to come with me. But youre going to walk home. I smiled. You really know how to charm the ladies. We hopped out of the car, and Cole opened the hood looking around the engine. He mumbled something about a new alternator and his dad being mechanically inclined before closing it again. Cole and I walked a few blocks to the subway, and, surprisingly enough, he was a gentleman, making sure he kept his strides short so I wouldnt have a hard time catching up to his pace. On the subway, he kept a watchful eye on me with an attitude of a father protecting their young. So he wasnt such a tough guy after all! He led me to a two bedroom penthouse apartment. I whistled when I saw it. You live here? A proud look crossed his face. I live here with my dad. What does your dad do? I said, gawking at the high ceilings and expensive art hanging on the walls. Works on Wall Street, he said as I stepped gingerly across the wood floor not wanting to mess up the extremely tidy apartment.

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I followed Cole to his bedroom. Sports posters decorated the walls and a lone toy basketball net sat in the corner over the dented asphalt-colored trashcan. I sat on his bed and wrapped his blue and green striped comforter around my shoulders. His room was freezing. So where do you keep your stash? Cole quickly retorted, Thats none of your business. Suddenly, I heard a loud booming voice. Cole! Cole! Where are you? Cole looked like panic punched him in the stomach when he heard his dads voice. He hissed. Quick, Alex, hide! Dont make a sound. I swiftly pulled the covers over my head and laid between his two pillows. The musty smell of cologne wafted to my nostrils. I held my breath as Mr. Turner walked in. How much money did you bring home today, Son? I heard Cole answer, Just a couple of hundred. Its Wednesday you know the weekends are better. Mr. Turners intimidating manner began to surface. Cole, I need you to bring in at least five hundred a day. I dont think thats asking too much, do you? A defeated sounding Cole answered humbly, No sir. Mr. Turners voice elevated, Look, youre going to be out of school next year. We need this money now while youre still able to get on campus as a student. I dont know what were going to do when you graduate. I heard Coles voice answer with trepidation. I was going to talk to you about that, Dad, I I actually won a basketball scholarship to

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Mr. Turner interrupted him with a laugh. Basketball? Basketball? You really think youre going to make it in this world by playing basketball? Grow up, Cole. Its a hard world out there and bouncing a ball isnt going to cut it around here. Stop embarrassing me with your pansy basketball stories. Now I expect tomorrow will be a better day. Yes sir. I heard the door close and I peeked out. Cole was sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands. I pulled away the covers and sat beside him. Im sorry, Cole. Cole snapped back, What are you sorry about? All you care about is your stupid drugs anyway. I decided to change the subject. How come Ive never seen you do any? He rubbed his temples. Because I actually care about my health. Drugs rot your mind and break down your body So do cigarettes for that matter. I tried a nice even tone. What school did you win a scholarship to? He looked at me. It doesnt matter. Its not like I can go. He paused. By the way, if you tell anyone about my dad, Ill I lightly touched his forearm. You can trust me, Cole. I hope so, he sighed. Youre going to have to hang out here a couple of hours til my dad falls asleep. Sorry, but it was your idea to come with me. I crossed my legs under me and answered him in a cheerful voice. I can hang.

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Ill go get us some food. Stay here. Cole left and I immediately and carefully rifled through his desk drawers and under his bed. Nothing. I heard footsteps and jumped back on his bed laying my head down on his pillow. He walked in and threw a bag of chips and a can of soda at me. He seemed to relax after we ate, and I decided to take advantage of the situation. So did I hear right? Is your dad a dealer too? He sat on the bed next to me. Yeah, well sort of. He gets it from some guy and then has me sell it to help pay the rent. I pretended to be impressed. This is a really nice apartment. You must make a lot of money. Yeah, I guess. I could see that this wasnt going anywhere. His guard was up, and I needed a name. Horrid thoughts of going back to the NYPD and being those pigs secretary until I was old and gray crossed my mind. I had very little time to produce a name and needed to think of something fast. I scooted closer to Cole and leaned over bringing my face securely in front of his. He stared, not quite sure what to make of my new move. My dad should be asleep soon. Can you just give me a few more minutes? I inched closer. Sure. He looked at me confused. What are you doing? I let my hot breath touch his cheek. I heard you broke up with your girlfriend. He moved his head. That doesnt mean Im looking for another one.

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Great! So he wasnt interested. What am I going to do now? Think, Sarah, think! My thoughts were interrupted by Cole. Ill get you your quarter bag and take you home. This was not going where I needed it to go. Disappointment beat on my chest. I had to bring something back to Agent Marks, and this could be my only opportunity. We snuck out the door and into his dads car. The FBI had set me up in a studio apartment in a halfway decent neighborhood. When Cole dropped me off, I jumped out of the car and ran inside. Five minutes later, there was a knock at my door. It was Cole. You have to pay me for your pot Its not free, you know. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Come on in. He sniffed. Yeah right. I whipped around. Whaddya mean, yeah right? Im tired of your types forgetting they have to pay for their habit. People seem to forget that I have someone to answer to, Cole answered sarcastically. I audaciously stuck my hands on my hips. Youre rude. Get out of my house! It was the first time I saw Cole crack a smile. Make me. I pushed him and he lightly pushed me back. I squawked. I cant believe you pushed me. Cole laughed mockingly. Why? Do you think that just because youre a girl you can hit me? Well theres no one here to protect you now! It was about time I taught this punk a lesson. He had no idea what he was truly up against. I began to send a roundhouse kick right to his head

27

but he caught my ankle and I fell on my rear end. He grinned, obviously amused. I have quick reflexes. Try again. I screamed, infuriated, Get out of here, Cole! He yelled back, Then get me my money and stop trying to beat me up! My mouth dropped open and he squatted down next to me, offering a hand. When he did, I saw something in his eyes. A romantic spark. I decided to seize the moment, so I kissed him full on the lips. He lifted me up in his arms and brought me to the couch. He started to unbutton my blouse. Oh no! I just meant a kiss. Sarah, you cant sleep with this guy Hes your assignment. Agent Marks would pull you off this case so fast I pushed Cole away. Not so fast, loverboy. He immediately removed his hands. Okay, Okay. Cole got up and headed towards the door, taking my career with him. I had to do something. I weighed the different options in my head. If I run off Cole, I end up back on the police force. If I sleep with him, I have a great chance of getting a name, but I would have to throw my moral compass out the window. The pain of being a policemans secretary was definitely greater. I called out, Cole, wait a minute. He turned towards me and smiled. A week later, I had a name for Agent Marks.

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Chapter Miami

Armando Gonzalez. I let the name roll off my lips in victory. Hes a Cuban living in Miami. Has people everywhere working for him. Cole Turners dad receives the goods and Cole sells it for him. Agent Marks didnt hide his elation. Fantastic job! He pounded his fist on the bar. Next stop is Miami. I visibly choked on my beer. We were meeting in a seedy old bar in the Bronx and the music was loud. Maybe I didnt hear correctly. Excuse me? Agent Marks rambled on excitedly, oblivious to my reaction. Yes, this will take a little longer maybe even a couple of years He scratched his famous cleft chin. But this will definitely work. He couldnt be talking about me. What are you trying to say? He looked at me with stars in his eyes. Well have to think of a clever way to get you into Armandos good graces but it can be done. The beer turned sour in my throat. But Ive never been outside New York. Agent Marks faced darkened. Are you saying you are unavailable?

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My survival instinct kicked in and I quickly shook my head no. Apprehension began to settle in my stomach. No I no, not at all. Agent Marks belched. Good.

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Chapter

5
The Armando Gonzalez Case

Part Two of Life #1

A few weeks later, after several days of debriefing and preparation, I was on a plane to Miami. My first plane ride. I sat by the window and stared out at the clouds. Dont be scared, dont be scared, I kept telling myself. I dont know what was causing the most fear, the plane ride or the fact I was on a new assignment. Messing with high school kids was one thing, I knew my life wasnt in danger. However, being sent to screw the big boys over was causing me to lose sleep at night. One misstep and I could blow my cover and be killed. And who would come to my funeral? The thought saddened me. Agent Marks would come. No, actually probably not. He wouldnt want to compromise his own identity. Lady Marmalade? Who would tell her I was dead? Realizing I was all alone stuck in my mind. I guess I really did have nothing to lose. No wonder they were sending me to Miami. Patsys Bar and Grill Patsys Bar and Grill on Ocean Drive had its doors wide open, with the inviting aroma of grilled fish wafting through the air. The beach was across the street and the large ceiling-to-floor windows gave customers a perfect view. Four sets of black, gray, and white bistro tables sat happily on the sidewalk in front. I stopped and stared at the old wooden seabeaten sign hanging from rusty chains above the door, WELCOME TO PATSYS. I straightened my shoulders and waltzed in, asking to speak with the manager

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Hi, I saw your ad for a waitress in the newspaper. I smacked my gum and tossed my hair. I wore short cutoff jean shorts and a bright red triangle bikini top with a white see through blouse over it. The fat bald manager named Pete looked me over. His breath reeked of garlic. You waited tables before? I pursed my lips. Sure I can work late at night too. He scratched somewhere behind him. Ill try you out tonight you do well, you can stay. You dont, you can hit the road. My first night at work I was introduced to another waitress named Suzy. Manager Pete donned her with the duty of showing me the wait staff ropes. Hey, Lisa, welcome to Patsys, Im Suzy. this cute little auburnhaired teenager gushed over me and her joyful attitude was contagious. She wore her hair in one long braid and her only jewelry was a silver necklace with a cross pendant. I kept my cool, making sure I maintained distance. Nice to meet you, Suzy, so where do we start? I spent the next two days at Patsys following Suzy around to the tables. Patsys had a friendly atmosphere with seafood dinners and plenty of fried treats to choose from. The ceiling was cathedral style with large wooden crossbeams and squeaky ceiling fans hanging from them, gyrating heavily as they spun. The entire wait staff was comprised of women, and our uniform was embarrassingly short black shorts with a tacky pink Hawaian style shirt that tied at the waist. Agent Marks had informed me that Armando Gonzalez was a regular at Patsys Bar and Grill, which at night, was just Patsys bar. Apparently, Mr. Gonzalez and Pete the manager had an understanding. The FBI wasnt quite sure what that understanding was yet, but it was my job to find out. My first three nights there was no sign of Armando, but on night four, he came bustling in with two other rough looking guys in gray suits. He was

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quickly seated at a back booth with shabby red cloth and brought three bottles of champagne. I found out later that Patsys only carried this brand of expensive champagne for him. For the first hour, he seemed to be in a heated discussion with the other men. They were all smoking cigars, waving their hands around, and slugging champagne. I waited until he had a nice buzz going and I sashayed past him. When I caught his eye, I winked and smiled. He winked back and motioned for me to come over. How can I help you? Would you like another bottle of champagne? I stuck out my chest and smiled with my ruby red lips. He brazenly looked me over. Sure, darling. Are you going to drink it with me? I would, sweetheart, but my shifts not over yet. I pranced to the back to retrieve his champagne. Three minutes later, I was met by Pete. Hey, I have a special customer who has requested you have a drink with him. I feigned shock. Really? Who? Mr. Gonzalez over at table three. I acted contrite. Thats Kimberlys table. I dont want to cause trouble. Pete took over. Ill take care of Kimberly. Just do me this favor and have a drink with the guy. Hes a good customer and I dont want to lose his business. Anything for you, Pete.

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He grumbled his thanks and I went and joined Armandos table. I made a scene out of popping open the champagne and pouring it into glasses. So how did I luck out sitting with the handsomest men in the place? My hair was in a ponytail and it bobbed as I talked. The men laughed and the two in the suits politely excused themselves, leaving Armando and I alone. Armando turned towards me. So whats your name, my dear? I showed him my pearly whites. Lisa McDeer. Im Armando, Lisa. You can call me Manny. Nice to meet you, Manny. Do you come here often? I purred, slowly licking my lips. Manny laughed at my ignorance. I happen to own the place. I giggled and shook my head. No you dont! Patsy owns the place. He poured me another glass of champagne. Patsy is my grandmother. However, I have asked Pete not to tell anyone Im the owner, so you dont either. Okay? I blew a bubble with my gum and then popped it. I wanted to appear nonchalant and slightly naive. Ok So, Mr. Restaurant owner, what else do you do? Manny put his arm around my shoulders. Youll just have to spend more time with me and find out. I chortled innocently and graciously got out from under his arm. Okay, hot stuff. No more champagne for you tonight! Manny agreed, Youre right, its time I get going.

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I planted a kiss on his cheek. See you later, Manny. I skated to the back to pick up my purse and jacket. I was tired and ready to go home. Kimberly was waiting by my locker. She walked up to me and stuck her face in mine. Back off my table or Ill Or youll what? I shot back, refusing to be intimidated. Ill smash your face in. She wagged her finger in my face. I laughed. Oh yeah? Lets go then. Outside. She looked dumfounded. I dont think she was expecting me to stand up to her. She pushed me. I looked around and saw that no one was looking, so I grabbed her arm and wrung it behind her back while holding the back of her neck with my free hand. I marched her to the bathroom and stuck her face in the toilet. I lifted it out and she tried to scream, so I stuck it back in there. The bathroom was really gross, and I dont think the toilet had ever been cleaned. I pulled her head back out of the toilet and hissed, You got something you want to say to me? Kimberly sputtered, Im sorry. Take any stupid table you want. I let her go and she slumped to the floor, tears streaming down her face. For good measure, I hocked a loogy on her, and it landed in the middle of her forehead. I left her in the bathroom and went to clock out. I pushed feeling bad about what I did to Kimberly down. I had a job to do and I couldnt have someone getting in my way. I had to establish dominance immediately if I wanted to keep waiting on Armandos table. For the next four months, when Armando would come into Patsys, I would lightly tease him and he would flirt back. Occasionally I would take a ten to twenty minute break and have a drink with him. No need to fake the physical attraction. Armando Gonzalez was an extremely sexy thirtyseven-year-old man with hair that was dark, thick, full, and grown out

35

while curling over the back of his neck. His eyes were mysterious and inviting and his lips when he smiled revealed beautiful, straight white teeth. He was only four inches taller than me, and had a thick, stocky, and muscular structure. Just looking at him satisfied my vice for handsome men. He nicknamed me Bonita pjaro, which means pretty bird in Spanish. He often said that he hoped I never flew away. Lions Steakhouse On my days off from Patsys, I would visit the gorgeous palm treelined beach. It was my first time seeing the ocean, and I was in love. It was easy for me to tan, and I would lie out and swim for hours. I even purchased roller skates so I could skate down Ocean Drive. Looking at myself in a bikini was painful, I was way too skinny and my ribs were hanging out. My rear end had disappeared and my knees were knobby. I hadnt eaten much since I arrived. My stomach was always in knots about my identity being discovered. I dont know why, it was well known that Hoover wasnt allowing females into the FBI, and Agent Marks had completely backstopped my true identity. I was also suffering with mild depression. My birthday came and went with no acknowledgement from anyone that I was a year older. Thanksgiving and Christmas would be here in a few months, and for the past three years, I had spent those alone. Sometimes I wondered if I made a mistake leaving my husband. Then I would think about working in that grocery store for the rest of my life, and I knew this misery was much more inviting than that one. I was jostled out of my thoughts by a knock on my apartment door. Who is it? Delivery for Lisa McDeer. When I opened the door, I was greeted by a huge bouquet of red roses with a card from Armando that read: Meet me at Lions Steakhouse tonight, 6 pm. Manny. A smile crossed my lips when I read his card and smelled the roses. I sat them on my kitchen table to be admired and reread the card. Twisted as this may sound, I was happy to go on a date. I needed attention and a little TLC. So I was undercover and trying to send this

36

man to jail so what? Does that mean I cant have a little fun too? I know, unprofessional, but I was in my early twenties and still very naive in many areas. I still viewed the opposite gender as a mystifying creature who longed to be discovered and loved. I carefully applied make-up and curled my hair, excited about my date. I wore strappy black heels and a tight, but still innocently charming bright red dress. My lipstick matched. When I arrived at Lions Steakhouse, Armando was already seated with an open bottle of merlot. Hello my muy Bonita pjaro. He stood up and gently helped me into my chair before sitting down again. Thank you for the red roses, Manny. I adore the color red. He smiled and looked at my dress. I can see that. As the waiter took our order, he looked slightly scared and a little bit in awe of Manny. Did he own this restaurant too? I limited myself to two glasses of wine. I needed to keep my wits about me and coyly gather information. However, Manny was very tightlipped. During dessert, Manny reached over and took my hand. Where are you from, my love? I gave him the story Agent Marks told me to give. As usual, I was careful to hide my native New York accent. Missouri, small town. My dad left my mom and me when I was little, and she died of cancer last year. He stroked my hand. What brought you to Miami? I played footsie with Manny under the table to distract him from wanting too much information. The beach, I had never seen it before, and after my mom died, I wanted out of that godforsaken town.

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The waiter poured him another glass of wine. Im glad youre here. After dinner, he drove around showing me different parts of Miami. Armando was always a gentleman, and when he walked me to my door, he planted a quick kiss on my left cheek. I want to see you again, Lisa. I allowed my eyes to sparkle when he looked at me. That can be arranged.

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Chapter

Little Lies
Agent Marks was unhappy. He looked stressed out and like he had lost fifteen pounds. So is there anymore information you can give me? I held my ground. I told you, he owns Patsys and he mentioned that he owns other businesses. He took a swig of his margarita. We were meeting at Sloppy Joes Bar in Key West. It was a three hour drive from Miami, but we werent taking any chances. I know youve been dating him. I looked at him suspiciously. Yeah, its been three dates. How did you know that? He grimaced. Are you serious? Do you really think I dont have other agents watching you? I slugged back the rest of my banana daiquiri. What, are you trying to get me killed? My men are good. They wont be caught So have you slept with him yet? The question was asked so matter of factly that I was taken aback. Wha What do you mean? No! In fact, the most he has done is held my hand.

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Agent Marks snorted. Well maybe thats why you dont have any information. His cavalier attitude shocked me. Are you saying I should sleep with him? Agent Marks leaned in closer. Im not saying anything. But, I know how you got Armandos name off of Cole Turner. I openly blushed and looked down at the ground. I felt stupid and exposed at that moment. I blustered, I I Ill get the info off of him somehow. But, this is going to take time, he doesnt trust very many people. A grin spread across Agent Marks face. He knew he had me. Thats fine. We expected this to take a while. He slapped some money to pay for our drinks on the bar and headed out. I, however, ordered another daiquiri and mulled over in my head what he said. I felt like a whore. I thought about my mom and the way she lived her life. Did I want to end up like her? Sure, she was a prostitute, but right now, I felt like the FBI was paying me to do the same thing. I tried to reason it out in my head. But this is for my country; Im working so that I can get a drug dealer off the streets. Drugs that are ruining young minds. Im not a whore, Im a good citizen, who is doing what it takes to help get rid of the bad guys I lied to myself a little more and then drove home.

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Chapter

The Stars Align

Two months, fifteen dates later, and still no kiss nor any condemning information. Armando was the perfect gentleman, with always an encouraging word on his lips and an expensive gift to give me. I had never been treated so well before in my life. I could tell that he expected a lady, so I never made the first move. In a way, I was relieved there was little physical contact, but in another way, I doubted my prowess. Since I needed to do something to take our relationship to the next level, I decided to try another tactic. The next time he was in Patsys, I asked Kimberly to take the table. I stayed on the complete other side of the restaurant, mournfully taking customer orders. He would occasionally glance over at me, and I would narrow my eyes and purse my lips like I was angry. About an hour after Armando arrived, I told Pete I wasnt feeling well and asked if I could go home. He grunted his approval, and I blatantly allowed tears to spring in my eyes as I walked toward the back past his table to grab my purse and jacket. I wanted Armando to see me sniffle. Suzy the happy waitress caught wind of my ruddy tear-stained face and followed me to the back. Lisa, are you alright? Suzy asked. I had barely spoken to her since she trained me. Yeah, just need to get some fresh air, I quickly said trying to get out of her way. I didnt want my plan spoiled. What she said next took the wind out of my sails. Do you mind if I pray with you? Suzy asked me innocently. Shocked, I stammered, Uh, sure, just make it quick.

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She deftly grabbed my hands and started praying, Father God, I ask that You help Lisa see Your hand working in her life. Please give her the grace to get through this season. In Your Son Jesus name, Amen. I mumbled a quick Thank you and took off out of the restaurant forgetting to grab my jacket. I walked across the street to the beach and waded in the water, letting its coolness wash over my tired feet. A few minutes later, I turned toward the moon and stretched my back, still hoping my plan was working. Sure enough, I felt a strong pair of arms reach around my waist from the back and draw me into a cozy embrace. Manny whispered in my ear, Whats wrong, my love? I mustered up some tears and let them slide down my cheeks. I know youre married. He turned me around and we stood face to face. No, thats not true. Who told you that? I let my eyes fill up with more tears. I just I know this sounds stupid. His hands cupped my face while his thumbs wiped away the tears. Tell me, Lisa. Well, I know we havent been dating long, but youve never kissed me, and it made me wonder why. The only conclusion I could come up with was that you were married. Armando let out a large belly laugh. Ive never kissed you because I was afraid that I would fall for you. I put my hands on my hips. Thats the silliest thing Ive ever heard! Its not like youre a virgin.

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His voice got softer, Those women mean nothing to me. Its not the same. With you, it takes everything in me not to fall hopelessly in love. His sincerity caused a gamut of emotions. The first one was joy. The second was despair. I was trying to bust this guy, not find a boyfriend. So you dont kiss women you like? He stroked my cheek. No, I dont kiss women Im planning on one day making my wife. I didnt have to fake my shock. Say that again? He smiled, eyes dancing in the moonlight. I know its sudden, but Im approaching forty and Lisa you are the most intriguing woman Ive ever met. There is something mysterious about you and I find that unbelievably attractive. He paused, looking for a reaction. I didnt give him one. He continued. I believe that we would make a perfect match. I I was planning on getting a ring first and waiting a few more months but what the I stared at him, open mouthed, my head was spinning. He kept talking, Lisa McDeer Armando dropped to one knee. Will you be my wife? I pulled myself together quickly. I couldnt believe this was happening. If I told him no, I would kill my chances of getting what I needed off of him. I looked at him longingly. Yes, Armando Gonzalez, I would love to be your wife. Delight beamed from his endearing face. I, however, felt like a real jerk. I had just made this mans day, and he had no idea what he had coming to him. He picked me up and swung me around. Then he carefully, and sweetly, planted a beautiful, heart-stopping kiss right on my lips. My knees gave out and I was swept into the moment. I had never been kissed like that before. Holding on tightly, he swung me around again. His jubilation was inspiring. Manny began talking rapidly. He

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reminded me of a little boy on Christmas day, who opened his gift and found a cute puppy inside wagging its tail. We should marry immediately. My church He paused and looked at me. Im Catholic, my familys Catholic. I never asked you what you were. Expectancy colored his gleaming eyes. Agent Marks had briefed me on Catholicism in preparation for this assignment, even taking me to a Catholic mass. I already knew his familys history with the church. I met Armandos expectation. Im Catholic too. His nose touched mine. This is fate. I knew you were my soulmate, Lisa. I lightly touched his lips with mine. Yes, I am.

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Chapter

'Til death do we part

What do I do? I cant marry him! I expected Agent Marks to understand. He too was stunned at the new development. Cant you hold him off? He has already called the priest and told his family. Im going to meet his relatives tonight. Hes not the kind of man who takes no for an answer. What do I do? I didnt try to hide my panic. Agent Marks took a beat and ordered another beer. I ordered a double shot of tequila, hold the salt and lime, I dont need it. How was he going to get me out of this one? Agent Marks found his answer. Okay, I guess youre getting married. I gasped. Are you kidding me? Isnt there some rule in the FBI handbook somewhere that says you cant marry your assignment? He laughed. When they wrote it, I dont think they were banking on this happening. Plus, it wont be a real marriage; he thinks youre Lisa McDeer, remember?

D-Day

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The church was old and hauntingly beautiful. Stained glass decorated the stately granite walls. My brightly lit brides room was filled with his female family members. He had a huge family unit. I wasnt always sure who was a sister, aunt, first cousin, or second cousin, but there were about twenty ladies in my room. They were fawning all over me, as sweet as could be. I sure felt like a louse, knowing I was deceiving all of them. The music started, and they all shrieked and ran out to take their places. Since I didnt have a dad, Armandos kindhearted father, Papa Gonzalez, walked me down the aisle. It was hard to believe these people could be hardened criminals Do you, Armando Gonzalez, take Lisa McDeer to be your lawfully wedded wife? He looked at me with all the tenderness women daydream about receiving from a man. I do. Do you, Lisa McDeer, take Armando Gonzalez to be your lawfully wedded husband? I looked into his moist eyes and a lump formed in my throat. Sure, he was a bad guy, but what was I? I was a thief, who had stolen this mans heart, and now he believed he had mine. I never realized when I became an agent, just how difficult my job would be. I smiled lovingly at Manny. I do.

The Honeymoon Armando flew us to Havana, Cuba, for our honeymoon. He wanted to show me where his family came from. But first, we stopped at our suite in a large hotel to drop off our bags and freshen up. When I came out of the shower, wrapped in a satin lace white negligee, he walked over, taking my hand. You will always be my bonita pjaro. He slowly undressed me, and I tried hard to guard my heart. Armando was extremely

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romantic and very old fashioned. He wanted to wait until our first night as husband and wife to consummate our relationship. He picked me up and carried me to the bed. I love you very much Lisa, and I will make sure you stay the happiest woman on earth. Thank you for marrying me. He stared into my eyes and I held the gaze. The guard was slowly slipping off my heart. Before we continued, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a small box. I bought you a wedding present. I sat up and opened it. It was a gorgeous gold engraved heart-shaped locket with our picture inside. The engraving said: To my muy bonita pjaro, with love, your Manny. He gently placed the locket around my neck and slowly kissed me. He stopped for a moment and I got lost in his eyes. Against my will, and without my permission, my heart let go, and I fell, fell head over heels in love with my husband, Armando Gonzalez. We spent the rest of the night making love and cherishing each others company. Still at work The next morning, my bed was empty, but there was a rose on the pillow. I quickly dressed and walked down to the hotel lobby. I peeked in the dining room, and there sat Armando with another man. This man was smartly dressed with a very debonair attitude about him. I hung back, wanting to know what they were saying. They were close to the kitchen, so I tiptoed through the kitchen and stuck my ear to the door to try to overhear their conversation. I could barely make out the words. Something about a Dugsy and an 8 am flight. I was interrupted by a waiter. Can I help you, maam? I grinned. Oops, sorry, wrong way. I walked back through the kitchen and on to the elevator. I quickly returned to our suite and hopped in the shower. About ten minutes later, I heard Armando walk through the door. Good morning, my love! I poked my head out of the shower, and he greeted me with a kiss. I wrapped up in a towel and we walked out on the balcony together. I looked at him. Armando, I want to be part of your life.

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He looked quizzically at me. What do you mean? Were married. I want to know about your other businesses. His eyes widened, and he shook his head vigorously. No way Lisa, this isnt something you need to be a part of. I walked back inside, teasingly dropped my towel and said, Thats fine, Ill just be a waitress at Patsys for the rest of our lives. He followed me inside and swept me up in his arms. Youre my wife now; there is no need to work. I want to help you. Im smart. Try me. He set me down. I can do that. We spent the next hour entangled in each others arms. He was a merciful lover, and I was enjoying every moment my skin was next to his. My head was telling me, Youre an agent, do what you have to do to bring him down. My heart was saying, He loves you, you monster, how can you hurt this man? But, I knew that I needed to bring Agent Marks something to stall for time or he would pull me off this case and send someone else in. That night, he took me to dinner with the same man he had breakfast with earlier. Mario, this is my wife Lisa. Lisa, Mario. I smiled sweetly and sat down without shaking his hand. The steaks were delicious and the conversation light. I had worn slacks with boots and stashed a recorder delicately in my sock. After a few beers, the conversation deepened.

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Mario slid his chair closer into the table and Armando and I followed suit. Did you firm up the plans with Dugsy? Armando replied, Were still on for 8 am Monday morning. Mario lit a cigar and offered Armando one. He took it, licked it, lit it, and inhaled deeply with a look of satisfaction. Im supposed to meet with Jos tomorrow. Mario looked impressed. The Jos? Armando swelled with pride. Yep. Thats why I scheduled my honeymoon here. Hes requested to meet with me. Mario nodded his head. Youre moving up. Ive never met the guy myself but Ive heard plenty of stories. Armando shrugged his shoulders. Na, Ive been working for him faithfully for fifteen years; I think he trusts me now. Last time I met with him, he just wanted to know how his shipments were doing. Mario puffed on his cigar. Put in a good word for me, will ya?

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Chapter

The Jos
Jos lived in a spacious, Mediterranean villa with his wife and three children. Two girls and a boy. I didnt know what to expect when I arrived, so I wore an elaborate hairpiece to hide my recorder. I figured if they frisked me, they wouldnt bother to look in the hair. However, I wasnt frisked. Instead, Armando and I were greeted warmly with kisses and hugs. Welcome Armando! And this must be your lovely new wife Jos wore a crisp burgundy suit with a mustard yellow shirt and looked to be somewhere in his fifties, with a deep tan and laugh lines. Armando beamed, Yes, this is Lisa. We followed Jos and his wife Colina into the dining room where we had a quiet dinner with them and their three children. The place was peaceful, and Jos and Colina appeared to be wonderful parents. Talk revolved around the weather, and Colina continuously smiled. She was very elegant, thin, radiant, and in her late thirties with straight glossy black hair that curled nicely around her shoulders. Afterwards, the nanny took the children to their playroom while Jos and Armando disappeared somewhere with cognac and cigars. Colina grabbed my hand and led me to the living room. So Jos tells me you are on your honeymoon? I radiated, a happy wife. Yes.

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Colina poured a vodka and cranberry and handed me a small black box. I opened it and inside was the biggest set of diamond earrings I had ever seen. I gasped. Wow! Colina you shouldnt have! Colina laughed. Its a wedding present from Jos and me; go ahead and put them on. I quickly took off the earrings I was wearing and delicately placed the diamond studs in my earlobes. How do they look? Wonderful, dear. Would you like a favor? I looked at her confused. A favor? Colina brought out a mirror with two lines of cocaine on it. She bent down and sniffed one with a short metal gold straw. I despised cocaine, but I knew I had to fit in. I reached down and snorted the other line. The hours passed quickly as Colina and I laughed and talked as if we were old chums. We made fun of Armando and Jos, talked about politics, and even the latest beauty treatments. Every thirty minutes we snorted another line of coke. I had completely lost track of time when Armando walked in. He had a big grin on his face. You ladies having fun? We giggled, and Armando took my hand and gently lifted me to my feet. Dinner was lovely, Colina. She winked at me. Come back anytime. On the drive back to the hotel, Armando was deadly silent, and it was making me nervous. Paranoia started creeping in. Did he know? Does Jos know? No, cocaine can make you think things that arent true get a hold of yourself, Sarah! Finally, back at our hotel room, I couldnt take the silent treatment any longer. I confronted Armando. Why arent you talking to me? What did I do?

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He started getting ready for bed. Youre high. There is no need to talk. Fear crept into my heart. Are you mad at me? It was Colinas idea, I wasnt about to tell her no. Armando faced me. One of the reasons I liked you was because you were straight. Most of the women I dated were only in it for the free coke. I spit nails. Oh, so its okay to sell the stuff, just not okay to do it? Is that what you are saying? Anger landed on Armandos face. This is business, my business. My papa started it, and, as the oldest son, it is my job to carry it on. Papa Gonzalez? He sighed, Yes, Papa Gonzalez! But we have a rule. And the rule is that our family members stay away from the dope. I stayed defiant. What if I dont want to? What are you going to do about it? He sat on the edge of the bed, defeat in his shoulders. Lisa, I love you. Dope is horrible, and I dont want you to end up strung out. I inherited this business, and it isnt something you can just walk away from without being killed. We dont force anyone to buy drugs, they buy them from us with their own free will. Its not like I put a gun to their heads. I visibly calmed down and sat next to him rubbing his shoulders. I wont do it again. He nibbled on my ear. Thank you, my bonita pjaro.

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Chapter

10

Wedded Bliss
Our first month of marriage, Armando bought me a stunning, three story, five bedroom, four bath beach cottage. I spent the next few months decorating it. For a little over two years, I fully enjoyed being Armandos wife. He let me help him a little with his work, but nothing major. I fed Agent Marks information here and there, but never enough to build a full case. I was biding my time, but I didnt know how much longer I could hold out before I was caught. Armando and I adored each other, and I loved my new life. I couldnt have asked for a better husband. I finally had a family for the holidays, and the Gonzalezes treated me like I belonged. Papa Gonzalez often let me know how much he prized his new daughter-in-law. Colina called occasionally, even visiting three times from Cuba. We would hang out on the beach, eat, get our nails done at the salon, and her personal favorite, shop at our American stores. Guilt about having to put her husband behind bars plagued me after our girl talks. Every Sunday, Armando and I attended mass with the Gonzalez family, and we would share a huge meal at Papa Gonzalezs afterwards. One Friday night, after meeting with Agent Marks and then secretly crying my eyes out, I met with a priest in a confessional at one of the smaller Catholic churches on the other side of town. One in a different parish than the Gonzalezs. Agent Marks had threatened to pull me if I didnt get him enough material soon to cause several convictions. My world was about to turn upside down, and I needed to talk to someone. I knew from studying Catholicism that priests guarded what their parishioners told them in confession with their lives Bless me father, for I have sinned. A melancholy voice answered gravely from behind the partition. What is it, my child?

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Tears flooded my face. Are you sure this is private and unrepeatable? Your secrets are safe with me. I poured out my heart to the priest. Told him everything. Well almost, I left out all the names including my own. His ears had to be on fire! He was silent for several minutes afterwards, and then told me I was forgiven as long as I said thirty Hail Marys. I left satisfied, but the burden still lay heavy on my chest. When I got home, Armando demanded to know where I was. At church, I went to confession. His eyes lit up. Oh, sorry for snapping at you, my love. Would you like a drink? Yes, please. We sat sipping cocktails while the cool night breeze from the open windows floated in. He touched my arm. I was wondering if you were ready to have children yet. I was taken aback, but I quickly recovered. I want to have babies with you, Manny, many of them. I just feel like you dont fully trust me yet. He leaned forward and kissed me. What can I do to prove that I believe in you? Let me into your world. Let me help more with your businesses. He looked at me concerned. But why? Its not really something you need to mess with.

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I traced his lips with my index finger. I feel useless. I want to feel valuable. He nodded his head. I understand.

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Chapter

11

Blast from the Past

A week later, Armando allowed me to meet with one of his contacts to retrieve some money owed to him. I hung around patiently in the hanger, waiting for the private jet to arrive. When it got there, a familiar face walked off to greet me. Alex? What are you doing here? I looked around quickly to make sure no one heard him. Dont call me that Cole. Im Mrs. Gonzalez now. Cole Turners eyes narrowed. Mrs. Gonzalez? You dirty little I grabbed him by the arm and marched him back on the plane. The pilot had already disembarked and was in the lounge. We faced off. He started. When you left school, I didnt know it was to take my personal information and go marry my dads boss! What kind of slut are you? Are you that desperate for this crap? I pleaded my defense, Look, I had no idea you were going to be on this plane today, or I would have never come! I thought Cole was going to explode. Are you kidding me? You get me in bed, I tell you about Armando, you ditch me and now youre married to the guy? How did you even find him? Who are you?

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Suddenly a knowing look crossed his face. Are you working for the police? You are, arent you? I rolled my eyes. Uh, yeah and part of my assignment was to marry Armando. No you nit wit! He crossed his arms over his chest. Why did you leave school? Better yet, why did you leave me? Did you know that I worried about you for months? I thought you had overdosed and were lying somewhere dead. I blamed myself for your disappearance. A lie easily came forth. Lying had become second nature to me. For your information, one of Armandos men approached me about a job. I met Armando, and one thing led to another. I changed the subject to get the light off me. Why arent you in college? I know you won a scholarship. Shame crept up Coles neck. My dads sick; we have hospital bills to pay. I stood firm. Well, Im firing you. He gasped, You cant do that! I need this! I stayed quick on my feet. Ill cover your dads medical expenses and his rent for a year under one condition. He looked hopeful. What is that? You go to college and graduate. Surprise graced his face. Why do you care so much about my welfare?

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Because you are a smart man, Cole, and this isnt the life for you. Now I am firing you. Do you want to leave on a good note and have me pay the hospital bills? Coles demeanor changed to resignation. My dads gonna kill me. I quickly rattled off the new plan. Ill have Armando let him know that we appreciated his services, but we are downsizing. Your dad will never know any different. Cole promptly left after our conversation, and I kept my end of the deal. He checked into NYU a few weeks later. Shortly after that, Coles father died of the lung cancer he earned from smoking cigarettes. No way out We are ready to go in, Sarah. Agent Marks spoke the words I had dreaded hearing for the past two and a half years. Do you have enough evidence? I knew stall tactics were futile and I resigned myself to the inevitable. Jos is flying in a shipment to Miami on Tuesday. We know that Armando is meeting with him at Patsys, because you told us that is where they hold the goods. I nodded in agreement, my stomach turning in horror. This was really going to happen. Agent Marks continued, Tuesday evening, after the shipment is loaded in the restaurant and Jos and Armando are together, you give us the signal. The Inevitable It was the longest day of my life. Tuesday morning was here, and I couldnt bear to look Armando in the eyes. I was so despondent, I didnt bother to shower or eat. Armando knew something was up, but he couldnt put his finger on it.

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Darling, talk to me. What is wrong? With all the courage I could muster, I put on a happy face. Nothing baby, I just started my monthly cycle. As usual with men, that excuse always explained away bad moods in women. Is there anything I can get you, Lisa? I hung my head in shame. No, sweetheart. That evening, we met Jos at Patsys. I was highly uncomfortable all day and didnt know how I was going to live with myself after this. I made my call to Agent Marks and let him know everything was going smoothly. I sat down with Jos and Armando while Pete cracked open champagne for us. I knew we only had about a half hour before the FBI surrounded the place. Finally, I couldnt stand it anymore. With all the strength I could muster, I demanded Armandos attention. Manny, can I speak to you privately, please? He noted the seriousness in my voice. Yes, of course. Please excuse us, Jos. I took his hand and we walked quickly across the street to the beach. Knowing I was being watched, I led him to a secluded spot under a pier. The sky was gray and the faint glimmer of stars had begun to appear. He put his arm in mine. This is where I proposed to you, my bonita pjaro. Those words were the last straw. I need you to get out of here now, Armando. Please, just leave. Bewilderment colored his countenance. What? What do you mean?

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Sobs took over my body. Im an undercover agent with the FBI; they are on their way here to arrest you and Jos. Is this some kind of joke? This isnt funny, Lisa! I looked into his handsome face. No. This is not a joke. And my real name is Sarah. Please, just run, Armando. Ill tell them you escaped. The look on Armandos face when he realized I was telling the truth will never leave my heart. It is etched into the depths of my soul forever. He portrayed the epitome of a broken and betrayed man. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to my family? I was crying so hard by this time, tears mixed with mascara were muddied on my face. Im so sorry. Im so very sorry. His shock was taken over by sorrow. He kicked the sand, unsure what to say next. Did you ever love me? Yes, Manny, I still do love you. Thats why you need to leave now. Police sirens began to scream in the background, and I heard the DEA canines barking. Pride rose in his chest. No, I wont spend the rest of my life in jail and I wont run. Running would betray my family. I would rather be dead. I want you to shoot me. I screamed, No! No, just run! He cried, There is not enough time; they are already at the restaurant. I dont want to live my life without you. Do you really think we could continue our fake marriage while you are testifying against me? Youve broken my heart and ruined my life. I could never face my family again. Please, if you really love me, Lisa, just put me out of my misery now. Do you know what they will do to me in jail? Is that how you really want me to spend the rest of my life?

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I heard Agent Marks yelling my name. It was only a matter of moments before he reached us. I begged Armando, No baby, I want to be with you. Please just go, run! Armando grabbed my arms and looked at me. Then he took out a gun from the back of his waistband and placed it in my hands. If you truly love me, prove it. He backed up a few feet and got down on his knees. Flashbacks of him on his knees proposing whipped through my tortured mind. If I could just stop time and go back to that moment. If I knew marrying him would have led me to this, I would have never said yes. I heard running behind me, and I knew it was now or never. The anguish in my heart was unbearable. With my eyes closed and mouthing the words I love you, I pointed the gun at my husband and shot. Dropping the gun, I ran over to him and cuddled his dying body in my arms. He held his chest and a sincere smile spread across his lips before he passed on. You will always be my muy bonita pjaro. I closed his eyes and slowly lowered his body to the ground. Wading in the ocean until I was hip deep, I tore Armandos heart shaped locket from my neck. Kissing it goodbye, I threw it as far as I could into the sea. Next order of business Agent Marks wrote up the report stating that I had to shoot Armando to save my own life. I think he knew better, but we never discussed it. It didnt matter anyway; they had Jos, Papa Gonzalez, and a long list of middle men to keep them busy. I was able to strike a deal with Agent Marks to keep Cole Turner off their hit list. In my eyes, it was the least he could do. Papa Gonzalez committed suicide, and Jos and Colina divorced after he was sent to prison in Cuba. Poor Pete went to jail for a very long time, and Patsys was auctioned off. There were nineteen total convictions, and I was kept off the stand. Agent Marks needed me for another case and Hoover didnt want anyone to know he let a woman in the FBI. The bureau sent me to a safe place in Maui for a month to take a breather. My first three weeks there I stayed holed up in my condo moping Mannys death. I finally decided to move on after my tear ducts

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dried up and my mind couldnt take the reenactment of what I had done anymore. I forced myself to get over the pain and pushed Miami out of my head. Agent Marks had another assignment for me, and this time it was in Los Angeles.

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Part 2 Life #2 The Hollywood Case

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Chapter

12

Operation Actress
It was 1969 and Hollywood was hot. We had Elvis, Robert Redford, Paul Newman, Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, and Shirley MacLaine just to name a few. Everything was groovy, and the Beatles and Pink Floyd, along with the Grateful Dead, were in full swing. My next assignment was to go undercover as an actress. For one month, I was subjected to daily private acting classes. My teacher claimed I was quite good, and considering my background, I probably was. There had been a string of murders in New York and Los Angeles. All were aspiring brunette actresses in their twenties. The first two were in New York, and the latest three were in Hollywood. The last one wasnt just an aspiring actress, she was Academy Award winner, Tiffanie Patrice, whose real name was Pollyanna Butifuco. I would have changed my name too. The FBI had a hot tip on who it was, but for some reason, would not release the name to me. Nice company to work for right? An informant for the FBI, who was a casting director by trade, was going to make sure I won a role in a major film that was coming out. Directed, no less, by the famous Oscar OHare. My blond curly locks were dyed brown, and then straightened, layered, and I was now Lori Lentrall, Hollywood actress. The Amazon I stood at the door knocking. It was a rundown, ranch style, four-bedroom house in East LA, with peeling green paint and faded orange trim. A gorgeous amazon with extremely long legs and silky brunette hair answered. She looked Hispanic, with bright blue sultry eyes. Batting her eyelashes repeatedly, she snorted. Yeah, what is it? I appeared unconcerned, You had an ad for a roommate?

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Her face brightened. Can you afford $350 a month? Utilities are included. I ran my hand through my newly dyed dark hair and twisted the end of a strand with my finger. I even popped my gum for effect.Yeah, sure. She opened the door wide and I followed her inside to the kitchen. It was decorated sparingly, with empty beer bottles in the sink and the smell of old potato skins and onion rings. This is the kitchen, she said, pointing aimlessly in the direction of the refrigerator. I looked around quickly with no comment at the sticky red-tiled counters with dancing green peppers engraved in them. The stove appeared to be about fifteen years old and well worn. The paint on the walls was at one time bright yellow, but now it was a murky brown. After the kitchen tour, she led me to a decent-sized bedroom with a queen size bed that sagged in the middle. A lone scratched three drawer dresser sat by the door. This would be your room, she said gallantly, as if I was given the grand prize. The rest of the small house was adorned with shag rugs and purple couches. There were a few lava lamps and blacklights thrown in for good measure. The ceilings were low, and it felt like there was a musty film over everything. This is where the bureau sent me, so I decided early on to make the best of it. After showing me around, she introduced herself as Susan, a.k.a. Sue Springs. I learned early that most people in Hollywood had alternate names. It turned out I had two other roommates who I met later that day Jake Miles and Michael Chandler. I wont bore you with their stage names. They sometimes changed on a daily basis anyway. And of course, my roommates were all actors with day jobs. Sue was a waitress at Luckys, Michael flipped burgers at a greasy spoon named Bills, and Jake actually had a degree and was a history teacher at a local middle school. I had just turned twenty-seven, but for this role, I had to be twenty-two. My roommates also were in their early twenties, and as far as Sue was concerned, she was staying that way. Apparently, Sue and Jake were an item, and they slept in the master bedroom, while the

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fourth bedroom remained empty. Michael was a little creepy, but whatever I was going to play the game and I was going to win. Monopoly Our first night was a Wednesday night and everyone was off work. Sue thought we should have a Welcome Lori party to integrate me into the household. She decided we should play Monopoly and smoke a joint to kick off the evening. Sue was cute, sanguine, and hard not to like. Jake doted on her and they made a believable couple. He was about 511, with dark hair and blue eyes. Very James Dean. Michael, on the other hand, was a little chunky with red hair and freckles. He also constantly smelled like old hamburger. All three of them had inflated acting resumes, citing commercials and plenty of cameos in B movies. I told them I had a little money saved, so I was going to wait on getting a day job and take all the auditions I could. They found that answer satisfactory and even brave. Michael rolled first. Waterworks. Ill buy it. Sue gave him his card and I was next. I rolled. Community Chest. Great Pay poor tax of $15. We played for a few more minutes while we got stoned. Then Michael began to laugh at something Sue said and then the next thing we knew our game was in pieces on the floor. Apparently, that was funny too. Our next stop was Boises Burgers on the corner. In the middle of a mouthful, Jake asked me a question, So, got any auditions lined up? I nodded my head while chewing on a fry. Yep, Im going tomorrow to audition for this new Oscar OHare flick. Sue butted in, Ooh! Me too! So is Michael. Jake, you should come with.

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Jake replied sarcastically, Sure, why not? I was actually considering going anyway. The entire city is going to be auditioning, so why should we be excluded? Sue threw a fry at him. Ok, spoil sport! Youre never going to get anywhere with that kind of attitude! Michael slurped on his drink and kept quiet most of the meal. The next day, all four of us went to audition. It was the longest line I had ever seen in my life, and it only got longer as we sat in the scorching sun for hours. I felt a twinge of guilt knowing I was getting a part while all of these poor starving actors were happy if they were thrown a bone as an extra. Finally, my turn came and I went in the room. There were three casting directors, and I wasnt sure which one was the informant, but it really didnt matter. I did the best job I knew how and left actually feeling like I accomplished something. Eight days later, Jake and I received callbacks. Sue and Michael found out they were extras, with Sue having a bit speaking part as a waitress. When Jake and I were leaving for our screen test, Sue gave us a quick pep talk. Okay, you two, you can do this. Remember, make them BELIEVE the words on the script. This is your shot. This may be the only one you ever get. Tell yourself that you CAN do this! Sues exuberance was almost intoxicating. Jake and I left for our callback excited, but still too fearful to eat. We both skipped breakfast. For the next seventy-two hours after our callback, we camped around the phone. If someone had to go to work, the person who was home had to guard the phone. Apparently, this was normal protocol for my new thespian family after an audition. When the call came, we were all home. Sue was the first to pick up. Hello? Yes, yes shes right here. Her eyes got big and misty as she handed me the phone.

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Hello. Yes? I did? I hung up the phone and then jumped up and down screaming. I got the part! I got the part! I wasnt really surprised, but they needed to believe I was. We all began hugging each other and shouting congratulations. Our little party was interrupted by another phone call. Jake looked at the phone in terror. He then looked at Michael in anticipation, Answer it. Hello? Yes he is Michael handed the phone to Jake. Jake grabbed the receiver. Hello? What? Are you sure? Thank you! Thank you so much! We all screamed in unison, and Sue jumped on the couch. Lets celebrate! We are all going to be in a movie together! She looked at Michael and winked, There are no small parts remember? Just small actors! A few hours later we dragged home plastered after spending too much money at the hole in the wall bar down the road.

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Chapter

13

Welcome Home
I knew I was supposed to get a speaking part, but I didnt realize that I was going to be the supporting actress. I was shocked and my stomach went sour when I received my script. Could I really pull this off? How could Agent Marks do this to me? Jake received a juicy part too with several scenes. He wasnt as prominent as I was, but he definitely was receiving his fair share of screen time. It looked like Sue was going to be able to say a couple of lines when she waited on a table in her scene, but all Michael got was crowd shots. About a month and a half later, we began filming. Fortunately, the set was only an hour away on the outskirts of Orange County. Unlikely Lady The lead actor in our film, Unlikely Lady, was none other than Bud Giovanni, who most women swooned over. I had seen him in a couple of movies myself and had always thought he was a very gifted actor. I was to play his psycho sister Sherrie, who abducted our infant brother Andrew. Hmmm psycho I think I can do this AND ACTION Sherrie, you need to come home, we love you, Bud pleaded with me. I waved my arms in desperation, NOOOOO! Nobody loves me! NOBODY! Bud moved a few steps towards me. Sherrie, please, tell me where Andrew is.

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I scrunched up my face. Hes mine! All mine! You cant have him! Bud hit the ground with his knees in a begging position. Sherrie, listen to me you need help. I can help you CUT! Oscar OHare walked over to us. Buddy, Im just not feeling it from you. Lori, that was perfect. Run it again. Bud was surprisingly arrogant. Whaddya mean youre not feeling it? Are you blind? Oscar turned and faced off, sticking his nose in Buds face. Have you been drinking again, Buddy? This is exactly how you act when youre drunk! Now rerun the scene, or Ill consider it a breach of contract. We reran the scene four more times until Oscar was happy. According to tabloids, you would have thought Bud Giovanni was an all-American, apple-pie, loves-children-and-old-people kind of guy. Simply not true. He demanded that people wait on him hand and foot, and he thought he was too good to converse with some of the lesser actors and staff working on this project. He was married with two little children, but that didnt stop him from sleeping with every teenage bimbo who looked his way. I felt sorry for his wife, who was home taking care of his kids. He personally made me sick to my stomach, and I would try to avoid him off camera as much as possible. The studio had given me a good-sized trailer to stay in and sitting in it one day was Bud. I grimaced when I saw him, not bothering to hide my disdain. What are you doing in here? He grinned. I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other better since we were working together and all.

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I hid a look of utter contempt. Look, Buddy, I was just on my way out to meet my roommates for dinner. Can we do this another time? He licked his lips. I thought I was going to throw up. Roommates? I was wonderin where you went sometimes. I knew you didnt always sleep in here. A cold creepy chill crawled up my spine. Have you been watching me? He didnt bother to hide the lust. Ive been watching you since the day we met. I grabbed my purse and started out the door. See you Monday, Buddy. Im out of here all weekend. I met Sue, Michael, and Jake at Boises Burgers and told them about Buddy. Hes such a pervert! He grabbed my rear end the other day! exclaimed Sue, glancing at Jake, looking for a reaction. Jake responded appropriately, What? Why didnt you tell me? I would have knocked his head off! Michael snorted, Yeah, and you would have lost your job too. Sue kissed Jake on the cheek. Im a big girl, Jake! When Sue kissed Jake, he glanced at me. I saw something in his eyes that I shouldnt have. Something that made me blush and look away. We finished our meal and spent the rest of the night smoking doobies and drinking cheap beer.

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Chapter

14

Route 66
I sat down next to Agent Marks in the lobby of an old motel off Route 66. The motels roof was sagging, and horribly mismatched pastel decorations hung from the rotting ceiling. It was a long scorching hot drive to that dump, and I was covered with dust. I thought if I saw another tumbleweed cross my path I would go crazy. You didnt tell me I was going to be the supporting actress! He laughed, We didnt know. Apparently, Oscar liked what he saw and wanted you for the part. You actually earned it. We just asked our informant to get you enough of a role so that you could stay on set. What he said brought a smile to my face and satisfaction to my heart. So I was actually good at something. I wished my mom were alive, she would be so proud of me. I decided to change the subject. So when are you going to tell me who the suspect is? Agent Marks looked around quickly and then met my eyes. When you need to know. Then it dawned on me, Youre setting me up for bait! If I know who it is, then I would watch my back and the killer couldnt get close to me! He lifted his right eyebrow, You got a problem with that? I looked at him sternly. Uh, yeah! What if I get killed?

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Youll be alright. Arent you a third degree black belt? Didnt we train you in self-defense? How to shoot a gun and not miss? I sucked on the ice from my soda. I still had a hangover from last night. I guess. Agent Marks wiped sweat from his brow with his napkin. By the way, we want you to get close to your roommate Jake. Even date him if you have to. I shook my head. Why? No way! He has a girlfriend! Agent Marks grumbled, Whats your point? I scoffed, mildly miffed at the motels lack of proper air conditioning. I happen to like his girlfriend. Shes a decent person. Dont you think that me dating Jake would upset the balance in our house? I just want you to get to know him better. Learn more about him. The fact of the matter is all the girls that were murdered had the common thread of having a serious boyfriend. Agent Marks eyeballed the clock on the wall. I sat up and attempted bravery. Ill think about it. Agent Marks didnt appreciate my hesitancy. We both know I made a few allowances for you in the Gonzalez case. Cant you at least do this one little thing for me? I swallowed the half-melted ice cube. Doesnt look like I have a choice.

Hollywood Life

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I spent the next four weeks memorizing lines and running scenes. I didnt see Jake much, and I was trying to figure out a way to befriend him without vexing Sue. I personally thought Agent Marks was off his rocker asking me to do this, but orders are orders. One day, Sue came by my trailer and wanted to know if I could go to lunch. We decided to splurge and ate at an upscale restaurant in Malibu. So how is Buddy treating ya? Sue asked. Hes such a low-life scum. I cant believe hes this famous. I took a bite of my salad. I had to keep my weight down. Youre telling me. She leaned closer. Hey, theres something I wanted to talk to you about. Whats going on? Im thinking about leaving Jake. She looked around as if she was afraid of being heard. I munched on a carrot stick. Oh yeah? Why? Well, hes a nice guy and all, but things have sort of cooled between us. And well theres been this flirtation thing going on between me and one of the cameramen. I sat back. Which one? Sue flushed. Rick, the one who always wears the backwards red cap. I mean, nothing has happened or anything. I just I dont know, maybe something will come of it. Bottom line is I need your help. I sucked on my diet soda. My help? What do you want me to do?

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She picked at her pink painted nails. Ok, I know this is asking a lot, but is there any way you could, ummm distract him? I choked on a lettuce leaf. Excuse me? Sue flashed begging eyes. Please, Lori, I know he thinks youre attractive. I saw it on his face the first time he met you. I couldnt believe this opportunity just flew in my lap. I needed a way to get closer to Jake and here was my main obstacle flashing me the green light. I dont know if I would feel comfortable doing this. Cant you just dump him? Give him the lets be friends talk? Sue soulfully pouted. Pleeeeeease? I nodded, pretending to still be doubtful. Alright, alright. Oddly enough, when I arrived back to the set after lunch, I had to begin working on a scene that Jake was in. He was playing Sherries devoted doctor, Fred. When we were rehearsing, he often looked over at me and smiled. Afterwards, he wanted to know if I would have a drink with him. My day was getting better and better. There was a bar across the street from the studio that many of the cast and crew frequented. We walked over to it together enjoying the sunlight. Jake opened the door for me and gallantly bowed while I walked through. I giggled like a schoolgirl. The bar was decorated in the spirit of the twenties, complete with a piano player in the corner and a black baby grand. You did a great job today, Jake. You are an excellent actor. Jake smiled; he was extremely handsome. Youre not so bad yourself, Psycho Sherrie. I ordered a diet soda. I was trying to avoid alcohol; I needed to give my liver a break. Oh okay. Thanks, Dr. Fred.

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We cracked a few more jokes about work and I relaxed, beginning to enjoy myself. Since I didnt have a real social life, I was always trying to fill the void with my fake one. He struck me as mature for his age and extremely intelligent. I also found myself feeling dynamically drawn toward him. Jake had a mysterious nature, like he was keeping a secret. A secret I would want to unlock. I was beginning to wonder what he was doing with Sue in the first place. Not that Sue wasnt a top-notch person, they just didnt seem like such a good match anymore. As we talked, I couldnt put my finger on it, but something wasnt right. My gut intuition smelled a rat. Curious, I decided to see how far I could pry. So where are you from? New York, he replied. My home state; too bad he couldnt know that. I missed my fellow New Yorkers. Really? So what made you decide to get into acting? He toyed with the stirring straw in his drink. Just something Ive loved to do since I was a kid. I have a dedicated addiction to the spotlight. I laughed. Well, I guess youre in the right place. He slid off the bar stool. Excuse me, Lori. I have to go to the mens room. He smiled and winked, leaving his wallet on the bar. I waited until he was out of sight and then picked it up. His drivers license was from New York, and it confirmed he was Jacob R. Miles, twenty-four years old. He had a couple of tens and not much else. In one of the pockets, I found a picture of a pretty brunette who looked to be about twenty-two. I examined the face and stuffed it back in. I felt someone touch my elbow and I screamed, knocking my diet soda all over the floor. I heard a laugh and looked behind me. It was Jake. Sorry, didnt mean to scare you.

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Guilt washed over my face. I was holding his wallet in my hand. I quickly set it back on the bar. Find everything okay? He said, nodding towards his wallet. I mumbled, Sorry, I was just curious. The bartender glared at me while he pulled out a mop. Jake settled on the barstool. About what? With my eyes, I begged him for mercy. I wanted to see how old you were. He smirked. Then why didnt you just ask? I shrugged, trying to blow it off. Because Ive noticed that everyone around here lies so much about their name and age I wanted to make sure you were who you said you were. He visibly relaxed. I can see that, but next time, just ask, alright? Trying to appear defeated and attractive at the same time, I whispered, I will. A look of seriousness gathered in his eyes. I wanted you to have a drink with me tonight because I needed to talk to you about something. I edged in closer trying to ignore the piano music in the background. What is it? Jake leaned forward to accommodate me. I am going to end it with Sue.

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I was a little stunned at this new development. Things seemed to be falling in place just a little too perfectly. So why are you telling me? I know you and Sue are friends, and that we all live and work together, so I wanted to let you know. I wanted to tell you myself so that you didnt think I was a big jerk. A look of relief crossed Jakes face after his confession. I played dumb. So why are you breaking it off with her? He smiled. We really arent getting along that well. He paused. The truth is Ive had my eye on someone else. Hmmm I thought the same thing Sue said. Is it someone we work with? Jake nodded. I asked, Who? He leaned in closer. You. It felt like someone pinched me when he said that. For the first time in a long time, I was speechless. I uh ummm I dont know what to say. His breath smelled sweetly of rum and Coke. How about saying yes to dinner tomorrow night? I placed my hand over my heart, trying to convey honesty. I wondered if he could hear its rapid beating. Jake, I really dont feel comfortable about this right now. You and Sue are still officially together, and even when you break up

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He smoothly cut me off, I understand I just wanted you to know what was going on. I jumped off the barstool and picked up my purse. I had had enough surprises for the day. Jake, Im gonna get out of here. I have to get up early tomorrow. Jake quickly kissed my cheek. Okay. Thanks for having a drink with me. I appreciate it. Oh, by the way, your hair looks great when you have it down. I reached for a lock and twirled it. Thanks, Oscar has Sherrie keep hers looking so nasty, it takes me forever to get it back to where it belongs by the end of the day. He winked. Ive always had a thing for brunettes. Still smiling, I turned and left only to be greeted by a few of the crew including Sues new beau Rick the cameraman who was coming in for happy hour. Convincing them I indeed did not want to stay, I hurried back across the street. Jakes last words caused a bear trap to clamp over my heart. Is this why Agent Marks wanted me to get close to him? I informed Agent Marks about my conversation with Jake, but he appeared unconcerned. I however, stayed suspicious.

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Chapter Jake

15

Less than a week later, Sue and Jake officially broke up. Apparently, they had no problem staying friends, and both seemed better off for it. I had another run in with Bud Giovanni after a cast meeting. I was walking through the parking lot to my car, and Bud began jogging next to me. Hey, Lori, can I talk to you for a moment? I turned and faced him. Sure, what is it? I was wondering if you could spare forty bucks? Arent you a millionaire? He grinned, the good ole boy attitude in full effect. My wife cut me off; she does the budget and told me I couldnt have any more spending money this month. Oscar told her I was misbehavin. I blanched. Then there is a reason for it, and Im not about to stand in their way. He tried to beg, Aww Come on. No, Buddy. I began to walk away. He grabbed my backside. Hard. Without thinking, I began a kick/ throw combination that would have left him paralyzed (at least for a

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while); then I remembered that Lori Lentrall wasnt supposed to have the ability to kill people. So I changed tactics in mid motion and faked stumbling into him while I kneed him in the groin. I almost laughed as I felt his body stiffen and his hands stop all attempts to violate me as the aftershocks of my direct hit began to register throughout his body. As I stood back from him, he moved in slow motion as he seemed to struggle against gravity. Gravity was winning. His face contorted, his eyes glanced at me briefly in confusion and then closed as he turned cherry red while crouching down and holding himself. While straightening my dress, I took great satisfaction in watching him fall over in the fetal position, groaning piteously. Boundaries set, I stayed in character as I chirped Hmm! and then spun on one foot and walked away, getting in my car victorious.

Weekend Blues It was the weekend and I had no desire to stay in my trailer. I was hoping Sue would want to hang out. When I arrived at the house, no one was home. I had already sifted through everyones stuff several times to see if I could find any clues, but no luck. My stomach grumbled and I checked the fridge. Ewww. Mildewy pizza and an open beer. Probably been in there a year. I heard the front door open and close. It was Jake. When he walked in, he had his shirt off with sweat gleaming on his slightly hairy built chest. Mouth gaping, I realized how much he worked out. He cleared his throat while I blushed. Apparently, I was caught redhanded staring at his biceps. He went to the faucet and filled up a glass with water. Just got back from my run. What are you up to? Without warning, my stomach loudly rumbled. Just got home. He wiped his brow, I followed the beads of sweat with my eyes. Ooh! What was I doing? I silently shook myself out of a trance. Catching everything, he smiled, winked, and told me that he just needed a few minutes to shower and change. Then we could go to Boises Burgers. When I safely heard the shower going, I crumpled to the floor and sat

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there holding my knees close to my chest. I had to break my addiction to good-looking men. What do you think you are doing, Sarah? Are you crazy? Hes from New York and he likes brunettes. If Agent Marks didnt think he was the killer, why would he have you get close to him? Plus, even if hes not, dont you think you learned your lesson with Manny? Finally, after talking some sense into my dense head, I stood up and sat on the couch, hoping Sue would come home soon. She would help put an end to my madness. Jake walked out showered and, thankfully, fully dressed. So you ready to go? I met his dreamy eyes. Yeah, I was kind of hoping we could wait for Sue and Michael. He grimaced. Oh? You didnt hear? Sue already replaced me with some cameraman, and shes probably going to be with him all weekend. Michaels at work.

First Date? After a few delightful mouthfuls of burger, my stomach settled down. I ditched the fries, however, in hopes of saving a few calories. Jake finished all of his and then started on my fries. We kept the conversation light, and I tried to get more information out of him. So, you are a history teacher? Was. I quit as soon as I got the part as your doctor in this film. Its paying me enough to get by. Not that teaching ever paid much. I stepped lightly. So why did you decide to be a history teacher? Kind of an odd profession for someone who really wants to be an actor. He shrugged. Im a big history buff. Plus, my parents insisted that I go to college so I would have something to fall back on. You know, in

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case I failed at acting. He paused, swallowing his food. What about you? Why do you want to be an actress? I clipped out a rote answer, Because its fun, and Im good at memorizing lines. It was as if no matter how hard I tried to shake it off a cloak came and wrapped itself around me. Clinging on for dear life. The animal attraction I felt towards Jake was bizarre. I needed to get away from him. When we arrived home, I excused myself and lay down on my bed. I crawled under the covers and went to sleep, pushing all thoughts of Jake out of my head. I kept my door locked, as usual, with a chair pushed up against it and a loaded gun under my pillow. All the windows in the house already had burglar bars on them. The next morning, I awoke early for my run, hoping to avoid Jake. No such luck, he was up at the same time, with old tennis shoes on and no shirt, again. Good morning, sleepyhead! Did you get some rest? I rubbed my eyes while a garbled sound left my mouth. Im just fine, thank you. He unabashedly stretched his arms allowing his chest muscles to ripple. I knew you ran in the morning, so I thought I would get up and we could run together. I faked a grin. Great idea! Just give me a moment. I went back into my bedroom, closed the door and sat on the bed. Okay, Sarah, its just a morning jog. No biggie. Hes only flesh and blood. I know youre lonely and half-starved for affection, but hes an assignment. In fact, he could be the killer. And even if hes not, remember Manny? Wisps of guilt whipped against my heart when I thought about Armando. After that incident, I had resigned myself to not falling in love again. There was no way I was going to hurt another person. Jake could be an innocent bystander in this murder mystery, and the last thing he needed was me messing with his heart. We wouldnt ever have a real relationship

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anyway, Jake could never find out I was an undercover operative. And even if he did, he would feel deceived, same as Armando. I slid off my bed and met him in the living room. Im ready, lets go. He grabbed his car keys. How about we take it to the beach? The Morning Jog The morning air was cold and crisp with the smell of dead fish dancing on it. We jogged for about seven miles before calling it quits. I spoke as little as possible, acting like I needed all of my oxygen. Jake pointed to a one-story cerulean building in the distance. Lets get breakfast at that restaurant over there. My treat. I still spoke as little as possible and tried to avoid eye contact. My attraction to him was getting worse, not better. Great, Sarah, you are attracted to a possible serial killer. Are you this desperate for attention? I thought imagining him as a mass murderer would help put a lid on my boiling hormones, but it didnt. Jake was witty, gregarious, and I was easily pulled into his charm. When we arrived home, we parted ways and I took a cold shower. I needed to leave this house and get away from him. Wrapped in a soft baby blue bathrobe, I sat on the toilet with the lid down to think. I heard a light knocking on the bathroom door. I stood up to open it, and Jake was standing there. My heart went to my throat when I saw him in a pair of jeans, freshly showered with bare feet and, again, no shirt. As I started to ask him what he wanted, he reached down and brought my face up to meet his. Lip locked, he picked me up and sat me on the sink. I tried to gather my thoughts, but they just werent listening. A tingling sensation flew up my legs. I felt my robe wanting to slip so I pushed Jake off me and held it together with my shaking hands. Get out of here right now, Jake! He held up his hands in defeat. Suit yourself, but just so you know, I knew my instincts were right. With that, he left and shut the bathroom door. I buried my head in my hands. What is wrong with me? Was I just a glutton for punishment? I quickly dressed and slipped out the back door and got in my car. I drove all the way to my trailer without looking back.

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Chapter

16

Chinatown
Since hardly anyone was on the set, I decided to actually do my job and snoop around. Starting with Buds trailer, I opened his unlocked door and stepped cautiously inside. It was messy with clothes strewn everywhere and a stench that burned my nostrils. Could he get any grosser? After a few minutes of rummaging, I found a box full of womens underwear under his bed. They were all used. Yuck! My stomach began to churn. Then I saw it. A corner of a photograph. I pulled on it and several pictures fell out of a tear in the bottom of the mattress. Polaroid pictures of pretty girls in their twenties. All brunettes. I gasped and quickly pushed them in my jeans pocket. Shoving the box of underwear back under the bed and slipping out of his trailer, I ran to a pay phone and called Agent Marks. Isnt this enough evidence to bust him? I cried. I had taken a bus all the way to Chinatown to meet Agent Marks. I left my car at the studio so that it appeared I was in my trailer. We were slowly walking down the red- and gold-lantern-lit street. Not yet. Plus, we couldnt bring it in to court when you got it breaking and entering, Agent Marks replied. Discouraged, I put the Polaroids back in my purse. Then how do we bust him? You confirmed some of these pictures were of the girls murdered. Hes dangerous. Im sorry, Sarah, but you are going to just have to keep doing what you are doing. Get enough evidence for us to get a warrant. That is the only way we can legally search his trailer. He is a famous movie star

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with lots of money. We have to be careful. Agent Marks paused as we watched a man hang cooked chickens on a string in a store window. I grimaced. So meanwhile, Im the bait? Those trailer doors arent that sturdy. Agent Marks handed the storeowner a few dollars in exchange for a bowl of warm noodles. Dont worry, the women were all killed during the day. And they were raped first, so you have time to hurt him if he tries to attack you. I looked at him condescendingly. Oh, that makes me feel a whole lot better. What if he changes his M.O.? Agent Marks sucked on a noodle. Thats why we still have you staying with three roommates on the other side of town. I steadily held in anger towards Agent Marks seemingly nonchalant attitude about my safety. I prefer to sleep in my trailer, thank you. I think Im going to stay there from now on. Suit yourself, but keep paying rent so that you have an open door there just in case. Plus, it looks good if you have a social life. He paused. So how are you and Jake doing? I looked away, unable to meet Agent Marks eyes. I was embarrassed. Fine. He chuckled. Just remember, Sarah, you can have a little fun, but your loyalty lies first with the bureau. No time for real romances. Dont worry, Ive already learned my lesson. He smirked. Good. Get outta of here and get me some court worthy evidence.

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Budding Suspicions It was hard not to get nervous around Bud after what I found, but I kept my cool. I had neatly placed the photographs back where I found them without being seen. I secretly kept my eye on Bud, but I never saw anything worth mentioning to Agent Marks. I stayed in my trailer for the next few months and avoided Jake at all costs, unless we had a scene together. He took the hint and left me alone. Once a week I had a lunch date with Sue and would hear all about her new boyfriend, Rick the cameraman. Another birthday came and went without any acknowledgement. Now I was twenty-eight. No husband, no kids, and none of my movie coworkers even knew my real name. Loneliness had again begun to plague my soul and keep me company at night. We wrapped up the filming, and I moved back into the house, with a lack of another place to go. For weeks, I jogged and slept, with not much else to do. Occasionally I would see Jake and he would nod an acknowledgement, but I kept my distance. Our movie was getting a speedy release the week before Christmas, and there was nothing to do but wait. Well, except I did have to show up to three interviews to promote the movie. One was a teenybopper magazine and the other was a ten minute segment on a talk show. The third was a short gossip column interview. However, since I was an unknown, Bud got most of the spotlight and I didnt bother to stand in his way. Thanksgiving came quickly, and Sue and Michael went back home to wherever they were from for the week. Thanksgiving day, I sat on the couch moping, prepared to spend the holiday watching reruns. I thought I had the house all to myself when Jake walked in. He sat next to me on the couch. All alone for the holidays? I didnt bother to lie and was too depressed to care. Ive never met my father and my mom is dead. I have no siblings and nowhere to go. He placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a brotherly embrace while kissing me on the top of the head. If it makes you feel better, I have no where to go either. But Im a fabulous cook, and if you give me a chance, I can make us a wonderful Thanksgiving meal.

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The lightness in his voice caused me to perk up. Turkey and sweet potatoes did sound good. In fact, I could smell them already. Really? That would be wonderful. Good. Lets go. I know of a grocery store that doesnt close till noon, and that gives us thirty minutes to grab what we need. We bum rushed to grocery store with twenty minutes to spare. As if fate had a hand to play, there was one lone turkey left. It looked like a runt, but hey, there were only two of us. We grabbed sweet potatoes, butter, canned green beans, and a ready-made pumpkin pie. Their bakery had fresh rolls, and we bought three. A bottle of red wine made the meal complete. Jake wasnt as great a cook as he claimed, but I didnt care. I was simply happy to have a hot meal and someone to share it with. I allowed myself to enjoy Jakes company; he made me feel wanted and very good about myself. We talked for hours and I felt completely safe with him. He was sweet, with gorgeous blue eyes and my favorite, dark hair. Still, I refrained from kissing him, and he had the decency not to try. After dinner, we sat in front of the TV watching Miracle on 34th Street. At the end, I actually saw him begin to well up, but he caught it with his shirt sleeve. I pretended not to notice. While we were sitting together on the couch, my body decided to do something without my consent it leaned over and snuggled up next to him. He responded instantly by putting his arm around me. So whos your date for the movie premiere? I hadnt thought about it. I dont know. Want to go together? As friends, I mean? Sure, why not? When he added the as friends tag, I was disappointed. I could have kicked myself. I should have been happy.

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He clicked the off button on the remote and the TV listened. He touched my chin with his finger and I looked up at him. His eyes were moist. Are you sure you want to go as only friends? No! I wasnt sure, my heart screamed. My mouth told another story, Yes. His mouth met mine and my resistance melted away. I swear I could have stayed in that position for the rest of my life. He asked again, Are you positive? I wiggled free and sat up. Yes, Jake! We cant do this. He looked disappointed. I dont understand. Tell me why not? A lone tear made its path down my right cheek. I just cant. I marched into my bedroom, locked the door, and cried myself to sleep.

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Chapter Famous

17

For the next several days before the premiere, I saw Buds face and mine on posters, billboards, and in TV trailers. I even saw us on the side of a city bus. It was very weird to say the least. I finally felt significant, like I mattered. I was nervous about what people would think about the movie. Did Oscar make a mistake casting me as Sherrie? Would they think the storyline was stupid? Would people think I was fat? Not very pretty? Dwelling on it too much would cause my stomach acids to go into overdrive. I already hadnt eaten in days. I bought a tight red sequined dress for the premiere, and I wanted it to fit perfectly. Occasionally I was recognized in a store, but no mobs yet. I smiled to myself after signing an autograph at a gas station for a teenage girl Mom, I hope you can see me from wherever you are. The day before the premiere, I had another run in with Jake. The car the bureau gave me to drive broke down. When I called the house, Jake answered. I let my voice get gravely, Is Sue there? No. What about Michael? Nope. I paused. He was the last person I wanted to talk too. Finally he spoke, What is it, Lori? My car broke down.

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He didnt hesitate. Where are you? Im in front of that you know that grocery store. You mean the one we bought Thanksgiving dinner in? I sighed. I felt so silly. Yes. Ill be there in ten. When he arrived, we tried to jump-start my car, but it didnt budge. I called a tow and he patiently waited. Thanks, Jake, but you dont have to stay here. The tow truck driver will take me home. He glared at me. Why are you always trying to push me away? I got defensive, using my dignity as a shield. Im not always trying to push you away. Thats in your head. He stepped in front of me and peered down. Is this in my head too? His soft full lips grasped mine and refused to let go. I didnt exactly resist either, I wanted it as badly as he did. My momentary lapse of reason didnt last; the tow truck pulled in the parking lot and honked. Jake broke free of our embrace and whispered gently in my ear, This isnt over. A large stocky man approached us. Hey, uh, a tow is $65. I grimaced. Sure, do you take checks? He grunted, As long as theyre not rubber.

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The tow truck hauled my car to the shop, and Jake and I rode home together. When we pulled in the driveway, he left the car idling and glanced over at me. I want us to be a couple. I did too. I really did. My soul longed to merge with his on every possible level, but I knew that if I really did care about him, I wouldnt let this go any further. It would be selfish of me to continue this charade of a romance, and I knew it. I cant Jake. We cant be a couple. Im sorry. His face dropped. Why not? Please tell me, Lori. I know you want to be with me. I want you to. I mumbled, I cant explain. He leaned closer. Lori, look at me. I looked into his watery eyes decorated with long black eyelashes. Im looking. Now tell me that you dont want to be with me. I tried, but I couldnt do it. So I opened the car door and stepped out while I looked at him mournfully. Its better this way. Trust me. The Premiere The day of the premiere was incredible. I cant think of any other words to describe it. Fantastic? A dream come true? Trance-like, surreal, heaven on earth Those would all fit. Mr. and Mrs. Oscar OHare, Mr. and Mrs. Bud Giovanni, Jake and I all rode in the same limo to the Chinese theater. After everyone left the limo, Jake asked the driver to give us minute. I froze; I hadnt talked to Jake since yesterday, and I didnt want to talk to him now.

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I nervously asked, What is it? He graciously kissed my hand. Before we go in there, I want to tell you how proud I am of you, how lovely you look, and what a gifted actress you are. I choked up, but refused to cry. I had spent hours putting my face on. Thank you, I whispered. I wanted to say something more, something interesting, but I couldnt find the words. He gave me a soft kiss on my cheek and opened the limo door. The driver helped me out. Jake waltzed me down the red carpet, and I had microphones shoved in my face. Light bulbs popped everywhere, and I was fully enjoying my tidbit of fame. I remember thinking that being a special agent wasnt so bad after all. I answered several questions and signed even more autographs. Wow! Fame was infectious! No, it was breathtaking. I felt as high as a kite, like I was invincible. The attention was addictive, and I didnt hesitate to lap it up. Everyone of course said the movie was fabulous, but the box office would tell the true story. Oscar threw a huge party at his house afterwards with cast and crew to celebrate. I had never seen a home so big before in my entire life, and I doubt I ever will again. I met celebrity after celebrity. I did notice that they looked older in real life than in the movies, but they all behaved nicely. Well, except for a few who drank too much and dove into the pool naked. But, that even seemed par for the course in that environment. Jake and I mingled separately. I had kept the friends only barrier up, and he didnt try to walk past it. When I went upstairs to look around and count the bedrooms, I walked right into Jake kissing a big busted brunette on one of the beds. I stood at the doorway too shocked to move. Jealousys vicious bulldog trampled through my soul. I was furious, no, furious is not a strong enough word; I was enraged with envy, hate, and malice toward a strange brunette kissing my boyfriend. What is that tramp doing with my man? I had a temporary lobotomy concerning the friends only scenario I had been pitching Jake. I placed myself squarely in the middle of the door opening and glared at the brunette, almost daring her to stay. Message delivered, the brunette smiled at me slyly, and then glanced up at Jake sweetly and let go of his embrace. She walked past him, while letting her fingers run off his shoulders, and excused herself. I stepped aside while tightening up my fists, making sure she got the picture.

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Jake straightened the bowtie on his tux and looked at me. What are you so mad about? I slammed the door behind me. What do you think you are doing? He looked confused. Uh kissing a really pretty woman. I dont understand. What is going on? Was he really this dense? I turned around and started to open the door, but he got there faster and stood in front of it, keeping it closed. You said you just wanted to be friends. Youve given me no indication of wanting anything more. I tried, a few times, but all you did was blow me off. I dont know what came over me, but I think I had a minor emotional breakdown. It had been a difficult day. No, it had been a difficult few years. I blubbered, I like you its just that I cant you dont understand. He softened and spoke quietly, Then make me understand, Sarah. A jolt of electricity went through my bones when I heard my real name. What did you call me? A look that said, Oh no, I cant believe I just screwed up like that, flashed on his face. Uh nothing, Lori. He tried to change the subject quickly, Let me get you a tissue. I rammed him into the wall and held my forearm under his neck. Who are you? I hissed. He easily pushed me back so I quickly drew my gun that I had stashed in my purse and pointed it at him. He lifted both hands in the air. Easy, partner. Put that down. I snapped back, Im not your partner.

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Sarah, Im Special Agent Jackson. Marks is my handling agent; he asked me to befriend you so I could keep you safe. If you give me a chance, Ill show you my credentials Come on, Sarah, put that gun down. Shaking my head, tears burning in my eyes, I slowly lowered my gun. So Marks sent you in to fake a romance with me? Why? He took a black bureau wallet out of his pocket and threw it at me. I vaguely looked the contents over, giving him a chance to explain himself, while safely placing my gun back in its place. He knew Bud was dangerous, and he didnt think that you should be by yourself. He didnt want you to know I was an agent because he knew you probably wouldnt play along. He wanted me to keep my eyes on you. Make sure you stayed on assignment. Things started to make sense. Rage began to boil. Thats why you would try to get me to break and tell you why I couldnt be your girlfriend! You wanted to know if I was going to blow my cover! He shrugged. Well, good job. You didnt give. I fumed, And this brunette you were kissing? He looked at the ground. A set up. Well, on my end, not hers. I was trying to push your buttons. See if youd snap. Agent Marks didnt want a repeat of well, you know, the last case you did. I threw his wallet back at him, satisfied he was who he said he was. I was incredulous and couldnt believe the nerve of the bureau. Great, so you acted like you wanted to date me. Well, you know what? Agent Marks told me to date you. He told me to get close to you. I was following orders. He was obviously miffed. He snorted, So was I.

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Anger clouded my better judgment, and he never saw it coming. Faster than even I thought possible, I let loose that kick/throw combination I had been reserving for Bud. What the FBI didnt know was how fast I was. They taught some self-defense, but I applied some of my own twists that no one had seen before, nor knew how to block. First, I delivered my heel straight into his chest so he wouldnt be able to breath. Then in the same motion, I swung my head down and brought my other foot around as I picked up momentum and brought my entire body weight down on a pressure point right next to his neck along his shoulder muscle, momentarily paralyzing him. Then lastly, grabbing the limp arm attached to the same shoulder, I executed the strongest shoulder throw I think I have ever pulled off, all in an evening dress and heels. He landed on the other side of the room, near the edge of the bed. Before he could gather his senses, I jumped behind him and began applying leverage from his own body weight to his other arm, which would have broken his arm and dislocated a couple of disks if I hadnt stopped myself. Somehow, he managed to pull up his other hand in supplication, shaking. I was so embarrassed, mad, and anything else you can think of, that I just let him go. He began to fall over, but then caught himself with his good arm. I stood up and walked around in front of him, saying evenly, I hate you. Im not working with you, and you can tell Agent Marks I said so. He tried to laugh, but he could only gasp as he slowly helped himself up by holding on to the bed, Tell him yourself, Desperado. What did he call me? I got in his face. Youre nothing but a low down He cut me off and got right back in mine. You werent saying that to me earlier today. He coughed. In fact, just a few days ago you were rubbing up against me on the couch and against your car and oh! who can forget the bathroom incident?

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My mouth dropped. The nerve. Biggest mistake of my life. I took two steps back, quickly turned, and huffed out of the room, grabbing my purse on the way. As I left him fixing his disheveled clothes, I heard him say, Mine too.

I spent the rest of the night by myself finishing off a bottle of champagne in a vacant corner near Oscars massive kitchen. Everyone was happy but me. Agent Marks and Agent Jackson were horrible manipulative pea brains with no emotional depth whatsoever. I dont remember how I got home or how I got into bed, but I know I stayed in my room nursing my wounded pride for the next couple of days. Christmas day arrived, and Sue dragged me out of my bedroom half asleep. Wake up! Its Christmas! She did the same thing to Jake and Michael. We sat in the living room on our purple couches staring at her. Okay, its Christmas and I cooked us a big breakfast with eggs, pancakes, the works. Now, we are going to sit down and eat like a normal family. Her enthusiasm was catching, and we all ate in a relatively good mood. I was starving, not having eaten anything substantial in a couple of weeks. Jake, a.k.a. Agent Jackson, and I avoided each others eyes and listened to Sue chatter. Today, we are going to have fun! I have decided that we are going to the beach. Michael moaned, But its cold. Sue rolled her eyes. Its 90 degrees. Were in California remember? But Michael was right. The beach was freezing as we stood on it shivering. I didnt want the day spoiled, so I volunteered to run home and fetch our jackets. Sue thanked me. Thats really nice of you Lori. Jake, go with her, you know where I keep my coat. He agreed and we climbed in the car together, leaving Sue and Michael at the beach. I drove silently, refusing to look at him. When we got

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back inside, he insisted we talk. Look, Sarah, you can be mad all you want, but remember, we have a job to do. Letting stupid emotions get in the way of our assignment is a bad idea. I was embarrassed, and the last thing I wanted to talk about was my stupid emotions. I think Im going to ask Agent Marks to take me off of this assignment. I havent found enough information on Bud to build a case, and hes never tried to attack me. He smirked. I wanted to wipe it off his face with my fist. Actually the bureau just wanted to use you as bait. Ive been trying to gather the information. Nostrils flaring, I screamed at him, So Im not good enough to be anything but a pretty face? Is that what everyone thinks of me? I know Hoover is a sexist jerk, but I didnt know the rest of you were too. He looked undaunted. You know what, Sarah? You are a prideful, arrogant brat. What makes you so special that you get to operate an entire assignment all by yourself? Especially a serial murder case! Who do you think you are? The Lone Ranger? I think you should quit! He rattled my cage and my temperature was rising. Oh yeah? At least I wasnt the one who pretended to fall in love! Once I realized what I said, my hand flew to my mouth. I really screwed up this time. He stuttered, What did you say? Nothing. Lets go! I grabbed the jackets and got in the car. My entire body was now burgundy, and I wanted the earth to swallow me up. I wasnt ever going to look Agent Jackson in the face again. He got in the car next to me and grabbed the keys out of my hands. I sputtered, What are you doing? Give those back!

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He got out of the car and slammed the door. I followed. What are you doing? He walked through the gate to our backyard, and I stormed after him. We have to get back to the beach! He took the keys and threw them into our wildly-grown, hadnt-beenmowed-in-months backyard, with an old rusted, broken-down, twodoor Dodge in it. The weeds happily swallowed them. I gasped. Are you crazy? Well never find the keys! Thats your problem! He tried to go through the back door into the house and realized that he had locked himself out. I started howling with laughter. Youre so stupid, Jackson! He growled, At least I can keep my head on straight during an assignment! I laughed harder. Oh yeah? What do call what you just did? Red flames crawled up his neck. You are the one behaving like an idiot. Who do you think you are? You tell me you want to be friends, and then when you think I am going after another woman, you get mad at me. Then I tell you the truth, you almost put me in traction for six months. My left hand still twitches, and I think I have nerve damage! Do you know how long that takes to heal? Well, you were the one lying about wanting a relationship! I shouted. He shouted back, I wasnt lying! Shocked, and unable to respond, I looked at my feet and wiggled my toes in my green flip flops. You werent? Peeved, he glared at me. No, I wasnt. With that, he turned away from me and walked out into the grass to begin looking for the keys.

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Somehow, I couldnt be mad at him. What have I done in the name of my job? I was the biggest hypocrite in this yard. Still standing there looking at my feet, I realized I was wrong. I looked up and turned to face him. I understand you were just doing your job. I retained my self-respect and joined him in the search. We spent the next few minutes looking for the keys. I saw the shine of metal in the grass, and I quickly walked over to them to pick them up. The faster I get out of here and back to the beach, the better. Whoops! While walking over to pick up the keys, my flip-flop caught a piece of wood and I tripped as I grabbed the keys off the ground. Jackson grabbed my arm and held me steady. He took the found keys from my hand and placed them in his pocket. Our eyes met and I tried to tell mine to stop shining, but they ignored me. He put his warm, rough hands around my face and caught my lips with his. My inhibitions lifted when I felt the sensation of his mouth on mine. We stayed that way for several moments until he pulled his face away. I could still feel his hot breath. I want to be with you, Sarah. I stuttered, How can I trust you? Youve lied to me before. He gathered me in his arms. I was doing my job. But you know the truth; there is no way I made up those sparks between us. They were real. I stepped back. I just dont know what you did was really He gently cut me off. Sarah, Agent Marks told you to get close to me, too. What if I wasnt really an agent? What if you dated Jake and broke his heart? What makes you better than me? Tears formed in my eyes. Nothing. He stepped forward and brushed his full lips softly against mine. Did you mean what you said in the house, about not pretending to fall in love?

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Ashamed of myself for being so easily taken in, I looked away. Im not sure. Im tired of being alone. This job is hard. He wrapped his strong arms around me. But we can do it together. Then he lowered his voice to a whisper, I love you, Sarah Higgins. For some reason, those words caused fear to grip my heart. In fact, it zipped up like a jacket on a cold winter day. What was wrong with me? But my self-destructive behavior refused to stop. I pulled out of his embrace. Im not doing this with you. Not now. Not ever. He sighed and shook his head. I give up, Sarah; Im tired of the rejection. Then he unlocked the back door for me, got in the car and drove away. I silently screamed inside, begging him to come back, but I just couldnt bring myself to do it. I was emotionally destitute and had nothing to give. New Years Eve passed and I spent it alone. Agent Jackson and I pretended each other didnt exist and Oscar talked about a starting a sequel to Unlikely Lady. I kept expecting Agent Marks to pull me off the case, but he didnt. I hadnt seen Bud in a while, and I couldnt figure out what was going on.

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Chapter

18

Nominated
I feel like I failed you, I lamented to Agent Marks. You actually did a better job than expected, he assured me. Those words did little to soothe my soul. We had met incognito at a burger stand in Santa Monica. I had my hair up in a cap and big sunglasses on. No one was paying any attention to us. I looked at him critically. What do you mean? Well, you unofficially proved Bud is our man by finding those pictures. The underwear is probably filled with damning evidence. But I havent seen him in a few weeks. I dont know if I ever will again, I said, still feeling like a failure. We are keeping you on just a little while longer. We know Oscar is thinking about a sequel. He should do one, considering how well your movie is doing in the theaters, he said thoughtfully. Then he added a tag line, Hows it going with Jake? I dont want to talk about it. He laughed.

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Life Is Short, So Enjoy It While You Can!

Two hours later, I was at home laughing with Sue. I loved her constant enthusiasm for life and always upbeat nature. We sat on the couch eating pepperoni pizza while deciding that men were what was wrong with the world. Ding, Dong! Sue ran to the door. Package for Lori Lentrall. I signed for it and opened. It was an invitation. A really impressive one, definitely not an advertisement. Atop the stiff cardstock read in gold relief, An invitation to the Academy Awards. I sort of went numb; I turned and looked at Sue, then back at the invitation. While I held it carefully, re-reading it, Sue asked, Well? Spill!!! Its its an invitation to the Academy Awards. I slowly gave it up to Sue as she went to snatch it out of my hands. I spit out the words, stunned, Ive been nominated for Sue cut in, screaming, Best Supporting Actress!!!! Then I screamed. Jake and Michael ran over and read the invitation. Congratulations, Lori! I was flabbergasted that the bureau was able to pull this off. I was invited to the Academy Awards as a nominee! The invitation was followed by a congratulatory phone call from Oscar OHare. Unlikely Lady had been nominated for three awards total, including Best Picture and Bud as Best Actor. However, Agent Marks swore to me that the bureau had nothing to do with my nomination. I chose to believe him.

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Chapter

19
The Bud Giovanni Case

Part 2 of Life # 2

The awards ceremony was titilating. I felt like a princess in a fairy tale. My Prince Charming of the night was Jake. Agent Marks insisted I bring him. I was way to excited to have being with him dampen my mood. When the announcer began his pitch about the Best Supporting Actress category, I was stunned that I was categorized with such beautiful, highly skilled, and much more deserving actresses. I knew I wasnt going to win, but, regardless, the butterflies in my stomach wouldnt rest. Jake smiled sweetly over at me and held my hand, tight. I squeezed back, both of our hands sweating. And the winner is Lori Lentrall!

I started clapping, while standing up, not realizing it was my name they called. Jake elbowed me. Lori, its you! Go get your award. I looked around, frozen. The entire audience was on their feet clapping and cheering and staring at me. The announcer looked at me. This is for you, Ms. Lentrall, come and get it! I wobbled up the stairs to take my award with my entire body shaking. Tears flowed freely as I thanked everyone properly. Standing there looking out at the crowd, I imagined that my mother was sitting on the front row. The entire night was magical. I was an overnight superstar

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and it was starting to get to my head. Maybe I should just quit the stinking FBI and become an actress. And other random thoughts like those began to bombard my mind. Change of plans I met Agent Marks two days later. Im famous now; I dont think I should stay in a crappy neighborhood in East LA anymore. Youre right. Ill move you and Agent Jackson to a penthouse in town. I didnt bother to hide my disdain, slamming my fist down on table. Im not living with him! Agent Marks looked at me, and slowly sat forward. Eyes narrowed, he clipped his words evenly. You will do whatever we tell you to. He paused for good measure, making sure I got the message, and then he sat back, relaxing a little. Ive noticed youve been getting a little high off your fame. He smiled, looking away, and then back at me. Dont forget. We are the FBI. What we gave you, we can easily take away. I looked properly whipped. Sorry. Youre right. Apology apparently accepted, he visibly calmed down and sat forward again. I will make sure to get you a two bedroom. But it is in your best interest to let the public think you are a couple. That way it will stop other famous men from trying to date you and guarantee that Agent Jackson is in the sequel. We want him to stay on set with you. You are not doing this alone. All I was allowed to do was to agree, so I did.

Unlikely Lady Sequel

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I signed a contract worth a lot of money with Oscar OHare for the sequel to Unlikely Lady. A girl could get used to this. Agent Jackson received a contract renewal also, but not for nearly the amount of money I was being paid. I privately requested that Oscar give Sue another part with more lines and Michael a part with at least one or two lines. He was so excited about my Oscar win and the sequel that he happily answered the request. Sue and Michael thought they had died and gone to heaven when they received the news. Oscar didnt keep it a secret from them that I wanted them in the movie, but they didnt care. A part was a part. To show their gratitude, they helped move Jake and I into our new luxury condo in downtown LA.

Wow! This place is huge! exclaimed Sue as she walked in the foyer and saw the sprawl of LA from the windows in our living room. Michael agreed as he walked in behind her, setting down a box. He smiled as he looked at the view. Ive never seen LA from up this high before. Snapping out of it, Sue looked at me. So when is your furniture coming? Its supposed to be today, I replied. The bureau had given me a budget, and I went and spent every penny at a high-priced furniture store. As I answered, she remembered something and quickly ran over to a box she had given Michael to bring up. I brought you a welcome home present! Sue waved a bottle of champagne in one hand and a camera in the other. A camera? Jake asked.

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Sue smirked. Oh, sorry, thats mine. Rick gave it to me. I meant the champagne. Michael popped the cork and poured it into plastic cups. Sue held up her camera and pointed it towards Jake and me. Ok, you two lovebirds! Kiss for the camera! I put on a plastic smile and was planning on giving Jake a quick peck on the cheek. Jake apparently didnt have the same idea. He gallantly drew me into his arms and made a big show out of kissing me. However, the kiss felt real. I tried to pull away, but he held on. Sue snapped a picture and Michael whistled. Jake still didnt let go. He took his hand and slowly slid it down my back. I was starting to enjoy the affection, so I began to kiss back. Ok, already! Can you wait till we leave? Sue laughed without an ounce of malice. Strangely enough, she was thrilled when I broke the news to her that Jake and I were moving in together. Sue believed she was responsible for leading me to my soul mate. When they left, I started unpacking. Jakes kiss had sent me into a tailspin. I had forced myself to stop thinking about him romantically and had been concentrating on the Bud Giovanni case. I wondered if his kiss was more than a show. Ring, Ring, the telephone rattled. Hello? Youre kidding me? Dont you have another truck? What do you mean its too late? I hung up in frustration and kicked the wall. Jake put down a box he was carrying and asked me what was wrong. The stupid moving company cancelled. Something about a broken-down truck. Jake thought for a moment. Well, I brought my comforter and pillows. We can lay it out and use a top sheet for a blanket. Was he out of his mind? Nice try.

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He looked at me like I was a nutcase. Excuse me? What do you mean nice try? I huffed, I saw how you kissed me today. Do you really think Im going to sleep next to you now? He held back his head and laughed. In fact, he laughed so hard he was holding his stomach. My face turned scarlet. Why are you laughing? He caught his breath. That was for show. Did you forget we are supposed to be acting like were a couple? I dont really want you in my bed. I was trying to be nice. I stuck my hands on my hips, haughtiness deflated. I wouldnt sleep next to you even if you paid me. Dont worry. I would never shell out the money. Later I watched as he laid out his blankets and pillow and snuggled comfortably in. I was fuming. I stayed awake as long as I could unpacking until I fell asleep over a box. Sometime in the night, I felt a well-built pair of arms pick me up and set me in a much cozier spot. I thought it was part of my dream until I awoke the next morning nestled securely in Agent Jacksons arms in his makeshift bed. I stared at him sleeping while enjoying the heat of his body. His eyes slowly opened and they shifted down towards me. Our eyes met for a moment, and I felt ashamed of my immature behavior. But, instead of an apology, I jumped up and announced that I had to go to work. I grabbed my purse and left without so much as a shower or a goodbye.

Invasion Sarah, weve decided to try to draw Bud out. We think that maybe you should lure him in. Agent Marks looked more serious than usual today. Agent Jackson was at our meeting as well. I hadnt seen him for a

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week; I was too busy ignoring him since our first night in the new place. Since our relationship was plastered all over the newsstands, we had to be careful about being seen with Agent Marks. Marks had dressed up as a janitor and was visiting us in our condo. Jackson agreed with Marks, Yeah, youre right. It might be the only way. I huffed, Yeah, easy for you two to say; you wouldnt be the ones in danger! Agent Marks didnt relent. Sarah, this case has been going on for over a year now. Hoover is going to pull both of you if we dont get something soon. Lunch with Bud The next day at work, I asked Bud Giovanni if hed like to have lunch together. Surprised is an understatement for the way he looked at me. Yeah, of course. What brought that on? I had learned to be quick on my feet. I really admire you, Buddy. You are incredibly talented, and I wanted to see if you could give me some pointers. He looked incredulous. Youre the one who won the Academy Award! I got bold. That was just luck. Dont forget you have two under your belt already. Plus what, six or seven nominations? He licked his chapped lips and took a beat. Thats true. Where do you want to go? How about your trailer? I dont really want to leave the set and be hounded by media.

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He got a comical look on his face. Its kind of messy in there. I dont mind. Can you give me a few minutes to clean it up? And, I dont have any food either. Can I order Chinese? Thats fine. I need to get something out of my trailer first anyway. Ill see you in a few. He went to his trailer and I went to mine. I carefully attached a recorder to my chest and waited about fifteen minutes until I went over there. He was sitting at the table, beer in hand. He stood up when I walked in and handed me a cold one. Thought you might want to take a load off; its been a long morning. I took a swig. The beer was dark, my favorite. So did you order us some food? Yeah, beef and broccoli, fried rice, sour pork. Sounds good. So hows the wife and kids? Theyre doing good. Then he looked at me expectantly. Im sorry for being a jerk to you before. When I drink, I get kind of out of control. Alright, all is forgiven. Youre a really great actress, you know; you deserved that award. He made me blush. Thanks.

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He continued, You remind me of Tiffanie Patrice. She was real pretty like you. Wasnt she murdered? My question made him visibly uncomfortable. I decided to press the issue. I heard through the grapevine that you had an affair with her. Is that true? He wasnt expecting that question. I actually hadnt heard anything, I was just trying to stay on topic, since she was the last victim in the string of murders. He stumbled, How did you know that? We kept it secret! I tried to laugh it off. Nothings really a secret in Hollywood, is it? Guess not. We were interrupted by the Chinese food. We ate and kept the subjects on easy topics like the weather and everyone elses idiosyncrasies that drove us crazy at the studio. I tried to think of a way to get that box of panties and the pictures from under his bed while I was legally in his trailer. I tried to stall for time while he downed five more beers back-to-back. What could I do? I was out of time and we went back to work; it was a grueling afternoon of practicing lines. I decided to sleep in my trailer that night and figure out another way to pick Buddys brain. Plus, it was a good excuse to stay away from Agent Jackson. When everyone had left the set, I moseyed over to Buds trailer. I wore a tight black dress with black shiny thigh high boots. His light was on and I hid my gun in my right boot and the recorder in the left. Daring, I know, but I felt like I needed to prove to myself and the bureau that I was good for more than just a pretty face. I knew I could do this. Though I wouldnt admit it to myself, I also wanted to show up Agent Jackson. I was still peeved he was sent in to watch me. I was young, still had something to prove, and cared way too much about what other people thought. I rapped lightly on Buds door. He rambled over and opened it. When he saw me, his eyes came out of their sockets about five inches. Wow! he belched.

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Arent you going to let me in? I sashayed past him boldly towards his bedroom. He quickly came to his senses. Looked both ways out his trailer door, seemed satisfied, and closed it. Turning both sets of locks and pulling down the shades, he walked over to me, breathing heavy. So youve finally seen the light about Buddy? he slobbered lustfully, looking me over. I held down my gag reflex. Ive wanted you from the beginning, but I didnt want to make a bad impression with Oscar. He grunted. Are you kidding? Oscar doesnt care. He always looks the other way. When we were filming in New York a couple of years ago, I had girls in and out of my trailer all the time. I have a gift for you. He excited easily. What is it? I put my hands under my dress and slowly slid off my panties past my boots and stepped out of them. He couldnt see under my dress; if he could, he would have seen that I was wearing two pairs. I just took off the top pair. They were lacy and red. I held them up and twirled them around my index finger. Theres a rumor floating around that you like to collect these He tried to grab at the panties. I held them out of reach. No, no, no, you naughty boy. I want to add them to the collection myself. He nodded toward the bed. Its under there. I bent down and pulled the box out, dropping my panties in. Big mistake, he came behind me and quickly lifted up my dress. Hey you have another pair on!

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I stood up, playfully slapped his hand, and slowly smoothed out my dress, remaining calm. Of course I do, silly, a pair for you to keep, and a pair to take off. I want the pair I take off. He visibly started drooling, and I had to do mental gymnastics not to vomit. Okay, I dont know what happened at this point except to say that I had a momentary lapse of reason. I had accomplished putting my underwear in the box as proof that he had shown me the collection, but now what do I do? I came in that trailer half-cocked and without a plan on how to get out of there safely. Think, Sarah, think! Buddy spoke again, I have to handcuff you. Uh, what? All the girls let me handcuff them. I dont think so, Buddy. Not tonight. Too late. I heard a clink, and before I knew what was happening, my right wrist was handcuffed to the bedpost. I gasped. Buddy let me go! I began to reach for my gun, but he jumped on top of me, grabbing my other arm while pinning my legs. I was caught off guard, and he easily cuffed my other wrist. I tried to scream, hoping someone would hear, but he deftly put his hand over my mouth. Shhh quiet, Lori, you dont want to wake everyone up. With his other hand he produced a Polaroid camera. Say, I want Buddy! Snap and the light bulb flashed. Fear I had never known before grasped my heart and mind. Horror began to taunt me screaming, You are going to die. I knew I had screwed up, and I didnt know if I was going to get out of this alive. My stupid pride. Did I really need Agent Marks and Agent Jacksons approval this bad? They had no idea where I was. Buddy began shedding his pants with his free hand while still gagging my mouth with the other. He was much stronger than he appeared. I fought dread. Sarah, you can

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do this, THINK! The idea to pray suddenly hit me. Silently I pleaded; God help me, please! While Bud was preoccupied, I reared back my legs and wrapped them around his neck while biting his hand. Get off me right now or Im going to snap your neck. He gasped. No youre not, you whore. Several women before you tried and failed. Guess where they are now? I remembered I had my tape recorder going. Not like it was going to matter in a few minutes if I didnt do something quick. Where are they? He began to brag, I killed Tiffanie yup, thats right. She tried to leave me and go back to her husband. Killed a couple of other girls, too. I decided to stall for time. I dont believe you. Youre lying. Calling Bud a liar really irked him. He grabbed at my boots trying to wrestle his head free and my gun slid out. He picked it up. What is this? You came in here with a gun? I had no choice. It was me or him. I quickly twisted his head with my legs and his neck easily broke. His lifeless body slid off the bed. I began to scream as loud as I could and bang on the wall with my foot. A few moments later, Sues boyfriend, Rick the cameraman, bolted through the door. What happened? He looked rightfully panicked. Just please, call the police, I cried.

Agent Jackson

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As you can imagine, Agent Marks gave me the what for concerning my rogue actions, but he sure was happy I had a taped confession. It turns out there was a pair of underwear for every girl who was murdered. The bureau had me go on a few talk shows to tell the world how Bud Giovanni had tried to rape and possibly kill me, but I got free. I didnt want to go, but they were afraid if I didnt, it would look suspicious and my cover would be blown. The papers ate it up. Lori Lentrall kills mass murderer Bud Giovanni in self-defense. Oscar had to shut down the shooting of the sequel, and my contract was considered invalid. Agent Jackson was another story. The day after the Buddy ordeal I went home, took a nice long shower, and wrapped myself in a comfortable bathrobe. I walked out to the kitchen to fix myself warm tea. Jackson was sitting at the kitchen table. He ordered me to sit down when he saw me. Sarah, I cant believe you put your life in danger! That was stupid! He was right. I admitted it, too. After coming that close to death, I had lost some of my youthful persistence. I know. He continued, Then why did you do it? I shrugged my shoulders. I just wanted to show the bureau that I could handle myself. It sounds foolish now. He lowered his voice, Im glad youre alright. I watched his face,wishing things could be different. Maybe in another life. I dont even know your first name, or how old you are. Thomas Lee Jackson, thirty-one. Those close to me call me Jack. I got up from the table and walked to my room. Before I closed the door, I looked at him. Goodnight, Jack. Afterword

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A couple of months after Buddys death, Lori Lentrall and Jake Miles were killed in a car accident. According to the news reports, it was nighttime, hard to see, and when they drove past a trucker, they went off the side of a cliff. I watched my funeral on TV from a remote beach village in Mexico. I dyed my hair back to blonde and let the curls come out of hiding. The bureau wanted me to stay here for at least three months until the publicity died down. Fine by me, I needed a break. The beach was beautiful and I had two bikinis and a suitcase full of romance and mystery novels. The romance ones were to set on fire, and the mystery ones were to keep me company.

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Part 3 Life #3 The Banker

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Chapter

20

Operation Coin Loss

After two and a half months in Mexico, I was refreshed and relaxed. I had also put on a few pounds. The margaritas and enchiladas became me. I had darkened so much from the sun I looked like a native. I was enjoying my Mexican soap opera when I heard a knock on the door. I opened, expecting the maid. It was Jack. My heart leapt when I saw him. He was carrying balloons and a cake. Happy birthday! I was so used to no one recognizing my birthday that I had forgotten all about it. Oh my gosh! Im so happy youre here! He walked in and set the cake down in the kitchen. He tied the balloons to the back of the chair. I hugged him. What are you doing here? Agent Marks was going to come tell you about your next assignment, but since I was involved, I volunteered. Hes the one who told me it was your birthday. Really? I was flustered with joy. Really, and I want to take you to dinner for your birthday. Ok, its only ten in the morning, so we may want to wait a while.

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I was so excited, I couldnt hide my exuberance. The alone time had been nice, but I wanted, no needed, someone to talk to. He started putting candles on my cake. Make a wish. He sang a few lines from the happy birthday song while I blew out the candles. We sat at the table and ate cake, taking an hour to catch up. After a while, he looked at me longingly. Its so good to see you. Ive really missed you. I missed you too. With my mouth full of cake, he leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips. Sarah, you know in the beginning of the Giovanni case, when we had that flirtation going? I swallowed, a little nervous. Yeah. I wasnt faking. Where did this come from? I just wanted you to know, thats all. I threw a little piece of cake at him. I have a question Ive been wanting to ask you. Something thats been bugging me. He looked at me intently. Ask away. Remember in the beginning of the Giovanni case when you asked me to have a drink with you so you could tell me you were breaking up with Sue? He nodded. I remember

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Why did you tell me you were from New York and liked brunettes? Was that the truth? A big Cheshire grin spread across his tan face. I was just messing with you. I knew you didnt know I was an agent, so I thought I would throw in a curve ball for fun. That picture was on purpose too, I knew you couldnt resist looking through my wallet. My mouth dropped. You thought that was funny? He laughed. I noticed it didnt stop you. That was quite a first kiss we shared. Peeved, I threw a bigger piece of cake at him. Where are you really from? He took his leftover cake that was still on his plate and tossed it in my hair. Wisconsin. Wisconsin! I stuck my hand in the cake, grabbed a section, and smashed it in his face. That started an all-out cake war that lasted about thirty seconds. Before I knew what was happening, my back was on the floor and his lips were in sync with mine. All of those old emotions I had for him came flooding back with a vengeance. New ones followed. Life just wasnt fair. He paused for a moment and stared at me. Did you know my heart stopped in my chest the first time I saw you? Too bad you were with another woman. Oops! Party over. I shouldnt have brought that up. He sat up and I followed. Birthday cake plastered on the floor, our hair and clothes. We brushed ourselves off. I could tell I wasnt getting anymore details, so I decided that a new topic was the best course of action. So, tell me about this upcoming case. Whats it about?

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He sat back and made himself comfortable. There have been reports that Ivy Bank has been stealing from its customers and dropping the extra millions into an account in the Caymans. Curious, I pressed for information, How are they doing it? It appears like they are just taking a few pennies a month out of the accounts of all their customers. Such a little amount that no one would normally notice. Even if you kept your checkbook to the penny, you would probably think that you overlooked something since you were only five or so cents off. I can see that; I dont keep that close of tabs on my checkbook. Several transactions a month go without being written down. Who has time for that? He nodded. So, one of the employees tipped us off. Ivy bank has branches in thirteen states, and it seems that it is happening at every branch. Agent Marks wants us to go undercover. What? Like bank tellers or something? No, the CFO lives in a mansion in Long Island. He is an avid golfer and loves to do business on the golf course. Agent Marks wants us to pose as husband and wife and befriend him. Live in the same neighborhood, play golf. Somehow get into his files. My mouth turned down. Did you say husband and wife? He laughed. Dont look so excited. The bureau thinks we did an excellent job on the Giovanni case. I felt panic rise in my chest. I dont know if I can handle that.

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He smiled and pulled out a box from inside his jacket pocket and opened it. Inside was a three carat solitaire. Can you handle this? I did a double take. Uhhh. Whats that for? Instead of posing as husband and wife, why dont we really make it legal? I was stunned. Is he saying what I think hes saying? Guard your heart, Sarah. Guard your heart! I dont know what to say. Sarah, Im in love with you and Im hoping you feel the same way. We have incredible chemistry, were both agents I really want this with you. This is so sudden. He laughed. I already know youre adventurous. And this isnt some weird FBI ploy? He kissed my sundrenched lips again. I need you to trust me. I know this is quick, but we are going undercover as a married couple very soon. At least we could make the married part true. I looked at his smile. I had been holding tightly on to my heart during the Giovanni case, and now here was this handsome man asking me to let it go. I pondered the ramifications. Well, I tried to anyway I just couldnt think of any negative ones. We were about to go undercover as husband and wife, and I knew my heart wouldnt be able to stay closed living with him again. I met his eyes. Lets do it.

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He slid the ring on my finger. Good, get dressed, I have a pastor waiting for us. What? Are you serious? He kissed my nose. Just in case you said yes, I prepared the pastor at the little Lutheran church on the corner. He even speaks English. A little broken, but you can understand him. You want me to marry you now? Isnt having a pastor ready a little presumptuous? He grinned. I told you I have good instincts! I looked at him. You knew I was going to say yes? I was sincerely hoping that you felt about me the same way I felt about you. I do. Well, you only have two weeks of vacation left. I thought maybe we could enjoy it together. Now stop thinking, go get dressed! I jumped in the shower and washed my hair. I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I answered wrapped in a towel, thinking it was Jack. I was sincerely hoping he hadnt suddenly changed his mind. To my complete surprise, it was Sue Springs holding a wedding dress. Sue! Sue? I exclaimed. She laughed and pulled me into a big hug. Im so happy to see you! Congratulations!

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What are you doing here? Agent Marks thought that you might want a bridesmaid for your big day. I openly gawked, What? You know? How did ? Sue smiled. Special Agent Susan Pagers, at your service. Are you kidding me? I looked past her shoulder and saw Agent Marks sitting on the couch. He waved. My mouth was still hanging open. She walked into the bedroom and closed the door. The pastors waiting; its time to get you dressed. I cant believe youre an agent! How come no one told me? And I thought you and Jackson were dating, sleeping in the same bed. She grinned. Believe me, I am so not into, and never was into, Agent Jackson. I happen to be married with an eight year old. What? You have a kid? Im older than you. Ill be thirty two next month. Why didnt anyone tell me? Why the secrecy? Worry etched itself across my brow. This wedding, its real right? You guys wouldnt do that to me right? I begged her for assurance, I couldnt handle any more games. She laughed. No, Sarah. Agent Marks and I had a great time watching you and Jack this past year duke it out. Agent Marks wanted to test your loyalty to the bureau, so he had Jackson and I act like we were

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normal people. Dont worry, all new agents have to go through this. I did on a previous case. By the way, Michael really was a civilian. My mind was whirling. What if I told Jack no today? What if I said no to his proposal? She started brushing out my hair. The way you two were smitten with each other? Not a chance! I thought women werent allowed in the agency? Hoovers getting old. You and I got under the radar because they were getting desperate to solve cases. They needed a womans touch. Were the only two, though, and Hoover has kept us top secret. He wouldnt want to swallow his pride or anything. An hour later, Jack and I were standing in front of Pastor Javier, with Agent Marks as the best man and Sue as my bridesmaid. It was my twenty-ninth birthday, and the most memorable one I would ever have. The church was a tiny run-down shack with a wind-whipped steeple. It was made out of unpainted wood and looked like it was straight out of a horror flick. The wedding dress Sue had brought me was slightly snug, but gorgeous. Jack apparently had a tux ready. His certainty that I would marry him today was actually quite a turn on. I loved and needed a strong, confident man. A man who knew all about me and still loved me. Jack was all of those things and more. Standing in front of the pastor, I gazed lovingly into Jacks eyes. He held my hands as we said our vows. I concentrated, making sure that he knew I meant every word. That evening, after a marvelous dinner with Sue and Marks, Jack carried me over the threshold of my little Mexican bungalow. What we did the rest of the night well, that will always remain a secret. Golf Pro

It took me a month to catch on to the game of golf. Just wasnt that coordinated. The ball never wanted to go anywhere near the hole. Jack,

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however, seemed to be a natural. Bill the banker was an avid golfer, with the back of his mansion facing a golf course. His wife Patty always golfed with him. I had no idea how I was going to pull this off. The FBI somehow rented us a house in the same neighborhood as Bill and Patty Jessups. Our goal was to become their new best friends. Our new names were Stuart and Leslie Peterson. I dyed my hair auburn and cut it into a chin length bob. Jack bleached his dark hair blond and cut it crew style. We were satisfied no one would suspect we were Lori Lentrall and Jake Miles, back from the dead. Stuart, baby, is this box for the kitchen or dining room? I stood out in our new front yard in a pair of tan tennis shorts and a light green polo holding a moving box. Honey, Im not sure, just stick it somewhere out of the way and well get to it later. Stuart wiped his brow with the back of his hand. Under normal circumstances, the hired movers would have done all the work, but we were trying to be noticed. Bill and Patty Jessups lived two streets over. According to the bureau, we were lucky to be in the same neighborhood as them. This house had been on the market for over three years, and they were able to strike a deal with the owners and pay a monthly rental fee. Our home was a large four-bedroom ranch and one of the smallest in the community. The house came furnished, and we had a luxurious master bedroom with a fireplace, sitting room, and two bathrooms. My bathtub was a swimming pool with whirlpool jets, and I couldnt wait to use it tonight. I set my box down in the green marbled hallway and sat on top of it. My body was soaked in sweat, and I needed a breather. Stuart bounced up the two brick steps, through the door, and swept me up in his arms. How is my lovely wife today? breathed Jack. Hot, sticky, and sweaty, I moaned. Just how I like my woman, he whispered, carrying me upstairs to the master bedroom.

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What are you doing? I said, trying to squirm out of his arms. We are going to make sure the bed meets our approval. Patty Jessups The following day I took an aerobics class at the local health club where Patty Jessups worked out. She wasnt in class, but when I passed by the health clubs caf, I saw her standing in line, so I went in. Can I help you? the teenager asked. I need a smoothie with bananas, strawberries, and yogurt. Lots of ice, Patty rattled off. Thatll be $4.50. Patty paid and went to sit down. I ordered a chicken salad and orange juice. As I walked past her to sit at another table, she waved me over. Hi! I believe you moved in my neighborhood yesterday. Im Patty Jessups. I sat down at her table. Which neighborhood? I played dumb. The one down the street from here, Star Ranch Retreat. Patty said, appearing very upbeat. I nodded. I sure did. Which street do you live on? Tribeca, about two streets over. The teenager brought us our lunch. I continued to let her talk. Where are you two from? I lied, Chicago, my husband transferred here.

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She raised her eyebrows. And what does he do? He works for an investment company. He is an executive vice-president, blah, blah, something or other. Anyway, it pays the bills and allows me to stay home, I mused, trying to play the desperate housewife. Patty laughed. I understand. Hey, I have some girlfriends I am meeting later today for cocktails and cards. Want to come? Excited that I had made contact with my assignment this soon, I said, Sure, where and what time? We meet in our neighborhood country club every Tuesday at 2:00 have you been there yet? No, but I know where it is. I will definitely be there.

Star Ranch Retreat Star Ranch Retreats country club was elegantly decorated, with staff that walked around in tuxedos. The entire place had an air of superiority that was a tad bit stifling. Dark maroon carpet and thick green drapes added to the clubs stuffiness. Patty introduced me to her two girlfriends, Tricia and Rose. They made room for me at their table and wasted no time dealing cards. We played for around two hours before our group began to get restless. Deal the dang cards, Rose, Tricia said with as much gump as she could muster after three dry martinis. Awww, youre just pissy cus I beat your stupid plastic butt, replied Rose, slurring her words.

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Tricia laughed. It may be plastic, but at least my husband puts it to good use. Rose rolled her eyes. Yeah, him and the gardener and the pool boy and Patty cleared her throat, Move on ladies, this is the best hand Ive had all afternoon. Tricia was a medium-height redhead with a foul mouth, freckles, and skinny legs. Rose was the eldest, with dyed brunette hair, a perky smile, and colorful eyes. Tricias husband owned a music label and Rose owned a cosmetic/perfume line, while her husband was some real estate giant. Waiter, bring me another! hissed Tricia. Our cute Hispanic waiter nodded. Im bored, can we do something else? complained Rose. Like what? asked Patty. Why dont we do something fun like go somewhere exotic for a couple of weeks? Its not like our husbands would miss us or anything, suggested Rose. Are you kidding me? Then Bill would stay in Manhattan holed up with his whore. At least when Im around he comes home on weekends. Patty smirked, shaking her head. Then lets not tell the idiots where we are. Give them a good scare. Then theyll appreciate us, recommended Rose. Tricia began to get excited. Good idea. But wont they trace our credit cards?

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I leaned forward, wanting to gain the groups trust. I have some cash in a personal account. You know, one that Stuart doesnt know about. The girls eyes widened. Tricia gazed at me with approval. Fine, I double dare all of you to follow me. Patty, who had finished off an entire bottle of expensive vodka, rose from the table. Lets do it. Tricia, standing up commander style, walked toward the door and marched straight up to the valet. Would you call us a taxi please? We are too drunk to drive. The sixteen-year old obeyed. We piled into the cab and told him to drive to my bank. The bureau had placed five hundred thousand dollars in an Ivy bank account for the sole purpose of making Stuart and I look credible in case Bill used his position to look at our funds. I withdrew ten grand, and off to the airport we went. We stood staring at the flight schedule, trying to come to a decision. Rose laughed. Well, I had the island of Capri in mind, but I dont have a passport on me. Tricia pointed at the black and green screen. Look, a flight leaves in less than an hour for Panama City; my brother has a three-bedroom condo on the beach. Patty appeared interested. Ive been around there, its beautiful. I smiled to myself. Our runaway group had no idea that I was wired and Agent Marks was listening to our entire conversation. Marks was hoping that during our card game, Patty would slip up and give out some pertinent information. This escapade, however, was downright funny and somewhat sad. Bored rich housewives starved of their husbands affections running away to get attention. I was actually somewhat excited, I loved the beach and needed to work on my tan anyway. The

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flight was even more comical, first class tickets and four demanding, loud, obnoxious ladies put the stewardess to work. Our flight was only half full, and we were the only ones in first class. Thank God. Their behavior was embarrassing, but I had to act the same way to fit in. One of the captains walked by, and I made a show out of grabbing his backside. He weakly smiled and quickly returned to the cockpit. Tricia, Rose, and Patty laughed for a good ten minutes. I was slightly mortified by my rude behavior, but pretended that I thought it was just as funny. The condominium on the beach was spectacular. One of the rooms had twin beds, and I volunteered to share with Patty. I needed to become her new best friend. Nightfall had arrived and the ladies wanted to visit a dance club and relive their twenties. Rose opened the balcony door so her cigarette smoke would billow out. We have no clothes. Tricia looked at me. How much did you bring? Ten grand originally, but we spent about two of it on plane tickets. She responded haughtily, Then lets go shopping. The only store still open was a T-shirt shop. The girls were delighted. We stocked up on bikinis, tight t-shirts, and short shorts. All of them kept to a vigorous workout routine and looked great in their clothes. Patty admired herself in the shop mirror. Not bad for forty-five! Rose whistled. You have a better body than most twenty-year olds! Tricia paraded in front of us with a bright pink tube top and jean shorts. Do you think anyone will dance with me tonight?

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We all nodded our heads and threw out agreeable comments. I chose a slimming summer dress and white sandals. Being the youngest, they all muttered how they wished they were still my age. Posing in the mirror, I playfully lifted up my hair and stuck it in a makeshift bun on my head. Rose gasped. She looks just like that famous actress you know the one who killed Bud Giovanni Lori something. Patty looked me over carefully. You sure do; youre a much prettier version though. Tricia put in her two sense. Too bad she was killed in a car wreck. I always wondered if Buds people set that up to get her back for snapping his neck. I chimed in, Im glad she killed that murdering pervert. If she hadnt, how many more lives would he have taken? Amen, sister. They all purred in unison.

Larry's Bar The sub-par band was eking out their rendition of Hot Pants by James Brown, and a large, wobbly disco ball decorated the ceiling. It was dawn of the 70s and Larrys Bar was on the beach and in full swing. The roof was thatched in tiki-hut style and warm wind blew through. We ordered colorful drinks and sat in a light yellow booth with palm trees embroidered on the cloth. The girls chattered aimlessly, and my thoughts drifted to my husband, wishing I were home. Patty nudged me. Look, Leslie, someone is heading your way.

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I looked over to where she was pointing. A middle-aged man in polyester white pants with a baby blue silk shirt on and platforms was walking toward us. He took the style of the decade seriously. However, he wasnt dressed much differently then any of the other men hanging around there that night. Mr. Polyester approached our table. Hey ladies, how about a round of drinks on me? Tricia was the first to respond, Make it three and well let you sit with us. Mr. Polyester introduced himself as Brad, and Tricia wasted no time cozying up to him. Giggling like we were still in high school, we scooted over and let him in the booth. Three drinks later and Rose was dancing on the table. Brad took my hand and swept me onto the dance floor. A slow song began, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. So how long do you think you ladies will be staying in town? I rolled my eyes. Hopefully not long. I want to get back to my husband. Does he know where I am? Brad, a.k.a. Agent Marks, nodded. Yep, hes with Bill Jessups right now pretending to help him and the other two husbands find their wives. Do they really care? Patty says Bill has a mistress. Agent Marks frowned. Im sure they do. Find out who the mistress is. Get as close as you can to Patty while you are here. I agreed. How long are you going to hang around? As long as I can. Pretend youre interested and see if you can get them here tomorrow night.

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I can do that. After two more songs and three more shots of something that tasted pretty nasty, I felt like I needed to throw up. I made a beeline for the bathroom, and sure enough, my stomach decided that it had had enough; about seven minutes later I was washing my face of leftover debris. A petite older lady washing her hands next to me deliberately stared. She looked entirely out of her element and not the least bit concerned about it. I was a little put off, and in the back of my head, I wondered if she was an undercover agent. I decided to mess with her. So what are you looking at? I fussed, mockingly angry. One of Gods children, she answered politely. Excuse me? I said, slightly flabbergasted. She fumbled in her small green tasseled purse for a moment and pulled out a pamphlet. Read this please dont throw it away. She then bustled past me and out the door. I quickly opened the pamphlet and read: John 3:16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. I read a few more lines of the religious mumbo jumbo, crumpled it up, and tossed it in the garbage. For a split second, I had the thought that God might be trying to get my attention, but I quickly dispelled it and rejoined my party on the dance floor. I looked around several times, but the pamphlet lady was nowhere to be seen. I quickly forgot about her and enjoyed the rest of my night.

WarmBeach

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The next day we rented umbrella-covered chairs and lounged on the gorgeous white sand beach in front of our condo. I purposely placed myself next to Patty and flipped through a fashion magazine. I started the conversation ball rolling, So arent you the least bit concerned about your husband? She sighed. He probably hasnt even noticed. What about you? I turned the page. Hes probably worried sick, but at least hell learn to appreciate me. Maybe it will spice up our marriage. She looked at the emerald colored water wistfully, and we watched a pelican dive for its lunch. Ill probably sneak in a phone call tonight after Tricia is sleeping. Weve run off a couple times before; it was Vail last time. Tricia gets mad if one of us breaks down and calls home. How come? Patty sipped on her blue frozen cocktail. Who knows? I think she likes to be in control of something. Her daughter died of breast cancer three years ago and her son is a drug addict. She and her husband fight constantly. I picked my words carefully. Thats too bad. I took a couple of beats. I know it is none of my business, but can I ask you a personal question? She looked at me. Sure, what is it? Yesterday you mentioned that Bill had a mistress in Manhattan. Is that true? Yes, Tina something or other. He thinks I dont know about it.

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How did you find out? A few months ago I was digging through his desk looking for postage stamps. I was mailing a birthday card to my mother. I came across paperwork in Bills name for an account in Grand Cayman. Lots of money in that account. I put down my magazine and turned my attention fully to Patty. You had no idea about a Cayman account? She took off her sunglasses and lowered her voice. I looked over at Rose and Tricia, both were snoring, Tricia was drooling. No idea. I thought he was hiding money so that he could divorce me and run off. Patty paused, not sure if she should continue. I helped her along. Why would he want to divorce you? I had an affair, a short one, but he found out about six months ago. Things havent been the same since. I didnt want to be caught off guard so I hired a detective. The detective gave me photos of him and a couple of other women. One of them he sees on a regular basis. Shes a prostitute, a high-class one, if there is such a thing. The detective told me this girl, Tina, has a famous madam named Lady Marmalade. Lady Marmalades name stung my ears, and I refused to think about mom. Did you confront him? No. But I kept digging. Talked to his ex-wife. My stepdaughter Stacys mom. It turns out that Bill had been using Lady Marmalades girls for years. I stole his private phone book that had this madams number in it, and I have put the photos of him and this girl in a safe deposit box. I also made a copy of the Cayman bank paperwork. I figured if he ever tried to divorce me, I could use the information as collateral. If Bill is treating you so badly, why do you want to stay with him?

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Patty put her sunglasses back on. Well, we have two kids together, and a stepdaughter. Ive also put in twenty-something years. Plus, other than the women, hes very good to me. She nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders. I decided not to feel guilty anymore about my affair, and okay about having a fling from time to time. I sat back in my chair thinking about Jack. I would be heartbroken if he ever had an affair. Would I be able to forgive him? I decided not to walk down that road mentally and concentrated on the fashion magazine I had been holding. About thirty minutes later, Rose and Tricia awoke from their naps and we piled into our condo. After long showers and lots of lotion to soothe our sunburns, we drove our rental car to a seafood restraunt that promised fresh fish. Ill take the grouper, blackened with steamed veggies and a margarita, Tricia informed the waiter. I handed the waiter my menu. Ill take the same. Rose and Patty chorused, Me too. The fish was fresh, and I looked for an opportunity to mention going back to Larrys Bar. The waiter beat me to the punch. Ladies, this pitcher of margaritas are from the gentlemen at the bar. We all craned our necks to see who they were. It was Agent Marks, a.k.a. Brad, and I did a double take Rick the cameraman. Brad and Rick waved and walked over to sit with us. Brad sat next to Tricia and put his arm around her. Rick sat in between Patty and me. Brad introduced Rick the cameraman, This is my friend Shane; he came down with me to play golf. Thats what weve been doing all day.

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I glared at Agent Marks. So this is why Rick the cameraman was first on the scene after Bud Giovanni attacked me. We spent another half hour talking about golf, and then Brad suggested we go to Larrys Bar. Thirty minutes after we arrived, I pulled Rick the cameraman onto the dance floor. So, just who are you? Rick laughed, Agent Marks didnt tell you? Im Jerry Pagers, Susans husband. I smirked. So all of those weekends Sue was with you in LA He finished my sentence, She wasnt just my girlfriend. That night Buddy attacked me Agent Marks knew you spent the night in your trailer, and he wanted me to watch you. I knew you were in the trailer with Bud. When I heard your screaming, thats when I came in. Are there any other special agents lurking around here? Tricia and Rose, are any of them ? No, and you need to watch out for Rose; she is not as stupid as she appears. Her husband does a lot of business with Bill Jessups. Thanks for letting me know. By the way, Sue says hello. The song ended and we rejoined our group. Tricia heavily flirted with Agent Marks, and Shane, a.k.a. Agent Jerry Pagers, stuck close to my side. Rose again had too many, and this time was dancing on the bar.

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Two tequila shots later and Patty joined her. My new girlfriends loved the spotlight. The Beatles famous Yellow Submarine began to blare over the loudspeakers, and the entire bar waved their drinks and sang along. We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. Patty reached down and grabbed my hand, demanding I join her up on the bar. Agent Marks laughed as I danced and sang along with Rose, Patty, and the rest of the crowd. Patty suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and looked toward the door. My eyes followed hers. It was Bill Jessups with two other men and my heart leapt my husband! Patty quickly got down from the bar and ran to the ladies room. Rose and I chased after her, gesturing wildly for Tricia to follow us. We ran inside the bathroom, red-faced and laughing. Rose stuck her hands on her hips. How did they find us? Tricia narrowed her eyes. Which one of you blabbed? Leslie? She pointed her steely eyes toward me. I vigorously shook my head. Nope, wasnt me. Patty decided to fess up. Okay, it was me. I called Bill a few hours ago. Hes been having heart trouble, and I didnt want to compound the problem. Someone began banging on the bathroom door. Open up! We know you are in there! Rose shouted, Were busy!

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Undaunted, the door swung open and all four men piled in, demanding answers, Where have you been? What has gotten in to you? Why did you leave? Stuart rushed over and held me, kissing me on the forehead. Darling, I was so worried about you! Why did you do this? I stammered, and then determined a few tears couldnt hurt. The other three girls decided to follow along, and we all bawled. Were so sorry! The men couldnt stand seeing us cry, and our female tears took the hostility out of their voices. The other three men embraced their wives, and all was forgiven. Our husbands wanted us home immediately, so we took an early morning back to Long Island.

Dinner for Three

I am famished! The airplane food was inedible. I dramatized my hunger pangs by clutching my stomach as we walked through the door. I was happy to be back. How bout I grill the chicken you bought the other day? My husband closed the door and walked to the kitchen. I could eat a horse right now Im so hungry. I rummaged through the pantry and pulled out a bag of potatoe chips. Jack reached for the bag and took them from me. Youll spoil your dinner! How about you make a salad? Twenty minutes later, we were sitting out by the pool in our backyard enjoying big glasses of frozen lemonade with a twist of lime. My favorite. Jack touched my shoulder. Ow! Careful, Im sunburned.

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So how was your little Floridian adventure? Did you learn anything pertinent to our case? I looked at my handsome husband. Bill uses Lady Marmalades girls when he is in Manhattan, and Patty has pictures of that, plus a copy of the funds in his Cayman account. Jack looked impressed. Not bad. I wonder if you can get her to show you a copy. Then you could get the account number. I dont know how, its in a safe deposit box. What possible excuse could I have? Plus, she would have to hand me a copy of the documents if theyre to be used for evidence. Jack leaned back in the lawn chair. Tell her you think I might be using Lady Marmalade too. Tell her you want to see the photos. I caught my breath. I had never told Jack about my mothers occupation. I loved her and didnt want anyone thinking badly of her. Ill think about it. He sat up. You got a weird look on your face when I mentioned those photos. What is going on? Nothing, I said just a little too quickly. Not a good idea to lie to an FBI agent; Jack knew instantly I wasnt telling the truth. Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to find out myself? What was the use of hiding it? We had access to peoples personal records, and with a little help, he would find out. Okay, Sarah, this is Jack, he is trustworthy. My mom used to work for Lady Marmalade; she ended up getting her throat slashed.

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He looked reasonably remorseful. Im sorry about your mom. You know the police have been trying to catch Lady Marmalade for years. For some reason his statement struck me as insensitive. I suddenly got angry and stood up. Cops are pigs; shes never been caught because too many high ranking officials use her girls. I stormed into the house, slamming the back door behind me. I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bedroom. Why was I so angry? He didnt mean to be hurtful What is wrong with you, Sarah? Sarah? Sarah! Open up! Im sorry! What did I do wrong? Jack called through the bedroom door. Tearfully I opened the door. You didnt do anything wrong; my moms murder is a sensitive subject with me. His strong hands wiped away my tears. Tell me what happened. We sat on the loveseat by the master bedroom fireplace, and I poured out my heart. I told him about my childhood and why I joined the police force. I even owned up to being married for a few years before I became NYPD. He held me and rubbed my temples and gave me soft kisses on my hands and forehead. His tenderness caused me to fall deeper in love. I already loved him, but, without thinking, I let go of the reins. He was gentle and sweet and understanding. We spent the rest of the night making love in front of the fireplace. Still Learning The following Saturday morning, Jack and I joined Bill and Patty Jessups at Star Ranch Retreats golf course. It was a cloudy day and low humidity. Patty appeared refreshed and happy to be there. Bill was a bit rowdy, and Jack helped him along with a fresh array of dumb jokes. Two golfers and a go cart! Stuart laughed out the punch line.

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Patty weakly laughed, Bill thought it was hilarious, and I grimaced. I didnt think I could take an entire day of this. When we got to hole four, Patty nudged me and whispered, How about we leave these two to their game and we go get pedicures at the club? She didnt have to ask twice. You bet. Stuart and Bill didnt appear the least bit upset when we delivered the news that we were abandoning the game. They waved us off and we took the golf cart. The quiet lady pedicurists allowed our tired feet to soak for a few minutes before they began to loofah. I want the usual coral color. Patty apparently had been here before. I would like a soft pink, please, I informed my pedicurist. I didnt waste any time jumping into a deeper conversation. I found a number in Stuarts sports coat the other day. It was on a cocktail napkin. Patty appeared shock. What? Already? You two havent been married that long! I put on a forlorn look. It was while he was in Manhattan doing a business deal. I want you to help me watch him. Absolutely. In fact, we can watch out for each other. Concern crossed my face. Stuart told me that Bill invited him to his office next Monday. They are going to meet. Anger flushed Pattys cheeks. We have to do something. He might introduce him to that tramp Tina, or worse, Lady Marmalade.

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Nervousness wracked my body. What do we do? I dont even know what Tina looks like! She patted my hand. After this is over, Ill show you a picture. This bank doesnt close till 1 pm, and its only 10:30. About an hour later we were at the bank in the vault where they kept the saving deposit boxes. Patty carefully pulled out a manila envelope and took out the pictures. My heart dropped when I saw who Tina was. Her real name was Victoria; she was the daughter of one of the girls my mom worked with. Victoria and I used to play together. Her mom never missed a New Years party at Lady Marmalades. It was disheartening to see that she followed in her moms footsteps. Patty must have sensed my concern. Is something wrong? I let the lump in my throat slide down. No, nothing just thinking about Stuart. I looked through the rest of the pictures, three different girls. Victoria was the only one that I recognized. I saw a black folder. Curious, I picked it up and opened it. Are these more pictures? She quickly took the folder from me and stuffed it back in the savings deposit box. No, thats the Cayman account. Oh, okay. So how long has Bill been using Lady Marmalade? Apparently since before we were married. Bills sixteen years older than me and has a daughter from a previous marriage. We walked out of the bank and she continued, After I found out about Tina, I called his first wife. Shes really nice; we had a good long heart-to-heart.

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What did she say? They divorced because he fell in love with a prostitute. Gave her an apartment and everything. Another one of Lady Marmalades girls. I wondered if I knew her. Did she tell you her name? Yeah, her name was Maggie. She would morph into different characters for her clients. My knees got weak and I was grateful we were sitting in the car. My moms real name was Lauren, but her call name was Magician. Maggie for short. Blood left my face and I fainted. I woke up in a hospital with Jack staring at me. Youre awake! Honey, what happened? Jack rubbed my arm. I dont know, Im a little groggy. What am I doing in here? Patty drove you to the emergency room. She said you fainted. A knot formed in my stomach; I suddenly remembered our conversation in the car. Close the door, I need to talk to you. He closed the door and pulled his chair up to my bed. Whats going on? I freely allowed the tears to flow. Patty told me that Bill was previously married, and that they split up because he was in love with a prostitute. Jack gently kissed my hand. Okay. I caught my breath before continuing. That prostitute was my mom.

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Are you sure? Positive, Patty said her call name and everything. You didnt tell Patty it was No, of course not, thats why I fainted. We were interrupted by the doctor coming through the door. How are you feeling, Leslie? I looked at the doctor. Just fine, can I leave now? The doctor began to scribble on my chart. Sure can, but I need to talk to you first. We did some blood work. Jack interrupted, Is she okay? The doctor laughed. Shes very healthy. Exasperated I asked, Then what do you need to talk to us about? The doctor smiled. Your pregnancy. What? Youre about four weeks pregnant. Jack jumped to his feet. Im going to be a father? My mind whirled. Are you sure?

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Jack began to cry, and the doctor assured me I was a mother. I rubbed my stomach and immediately began to worry. Then why did I faint? Probably low blood sugar. Make sure you eat every couple of hours. The doctor left, and Jack and I rejoiced. Jack and I were having a baby!

Central Park Jack and I met with Agent Marks in a secluded area of Central Park. It was a gorgeous day and people were jogging and roller-skating around the park. Dogs barked and birds sang. Did you know about Bill and my mother? I wanted to know. Agent Marks replied, No idea, Sarah. This is a very wild twist. Your file mentioned your mom was a call girl, but that was it. Jack interjected, Sarah, I dont know if you did the math or not, but Patty was married to Bill before your mom was murdered. I hadnt done the math. Stark realization hit me. If Bill was in love with my mother I paused mulling it over. But Patty said she didnt find out till a few months ago, after she found his secret bank account in Cayman. Jack put his arm around me. It is probably just a coincidence. Didnt your mom see different men? Heat rose to my cheeks, I was embarrassed about my moms lifestyle. I dont know, she never talked about it. Im assuming she had several clients.

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Agent Marks zipped up his jacket. We need to focus here. The point of the assignment is to prove that Bill Jessups is stealing from his customers. I listened to Jack and Mark ramble on about the case while I thought about Patty, Bill, and my mother. Did Bill really pay for our apartment? Did my mom love him? There was only one way to find out. Jack interrupted my thoughts. Its time to go, Sarah. Im supposed to meet Bill, and youre meeting Patty in a half hour. I snapped too. Right, Ive got to go. Patty and I are supposed to meet at Sardis and then spy on you two. Make it good. Jack laughed. Well see what happens. Visit to New York Sardis Restaurant on West 44th Street was famous for its caricatures of movie stars. I admired a few until Patty joined me. Sorry Im late; traffic is horrendous. I smiled, relieved she had finally arrived. Since becoming pregnant, I was constantly hungry and craving chocolate. Up to a few days ago, I thought it was psychological. No problem. As soon as the bread was served I dove in, no holds barred. Patty sipped her tea. You sure are hungry. I swallowed. Im pregnant. Patty clapped her hands and exclaimed, Congratulations! Then her face turned sour. Are you sure you want to do this today? I mean, maybe its better you didnt know.

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I took another piece of bread and began to bathe it in butter. I need to know. If they do anything, it will be after work, which is in about an hour. We can go over to his office and see whats going on. We ordered and the waiter brought out more bread. I scarfed down that basket and hungrily ate everything on my plate when it arrived. Ivy Bank An hour later, we walked into Ivy Banks corporate office on Wall Street and took the elevator to the top floor. Patty hurried down the hall. Come on, I heard he hired a new secretary. I want to see what the slut looks like. The Slut greeted us, Do you have an appointment? Patty put her hands on her hips. Is he in a meeting? That is none of your business maam. Patty huffed, It is too my business; Im his wife. The Slut canned a smile. I was standing behind Patty so she didnt see me when I winked at her husbands secretary. The Slut answered the phone that was ringing and I sat down on the couch with Patty. I looked at her. I thought we were going to spy on them. How can we do that if they know we are here? Patty admitted her pride. Im sorry, I had an entirely different story I was going to tell his secretary, but when she told me it was none of my business

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So what do we do now? I began to squirm. Wait, I have to go to the bathroom. Patty gave directions, Down the hall, to your right. I hurried down the hall and into a stall. I was visiting the bathroom more and more these days. I heard the bathroom door open and close and then the door lock. I held down panic and stepped out of the stall. It was The Slut. She leaned against the doorway. So what are you two doing here? Visiting Bill. I met your husband. He told me, said you were a good dancer. We giggled as I washed my hands. The Slut was none other but Agent Susan Pagers. I had no idea you were working on this case. Sue rolled her eyes. Yeah, Agent Marks has a tendency to keep everyone in the dark. I have no idea what motivates him to do that. So have you found out anything? I asked. I have found some stuff, but not enough for a conviction yet. So congratulations! I heard the good news. I rubbed my belly. I am so excited. Me too. Hey, I have to get going. Wait two minutes then come back to the office. Okay. I did what she said and when I walked in, Bills office door was open and I heard yelling.

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I wanted to know what you were doing! What is wrong with your wife visiting you at work? Are you trying to hide something? Pattys voice was so loud I think the walls vibrated. Bill retorted, How do you know I wasnt in an important meeting? Well if your secretary would tell me instead of letting me know that it was none of my business I walked in the room and joined Stuart, who had his head in his hands. I mouthed, Lets go. And we snuck out of the room letting the two lovebirds hash it out in peace. In the garage, I kissed Jack on the mouth. I will see you at home; there is something I have to do tonight. Jack raised an eyebrow. And what is that? I need you to trust me.

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Chapter

21

Lady Marmalade
I knocked on Lady Marmalades door. She answered, Can I help you? Charise, its me, Sarah Higgins. Charise squealed, Sarah! You are all grown up! Come in! Her house looked the same from when I last saw it. Memories of the New Years Eve parties revisited my mind. She ushered me to the couch. So how have you been, Sarah? I looked at her. She was older than I remembered and had a lot more wrinkles. Still heavy make-up. Alright, I guess. She became serious. I know Ive told you this before, but I am so sorry about your mom. I apologize I didnt go to the funeral, but I understand; it could have jeopardized your livelihood. But, I did receive the money you sent and it really helped. Some of it paid for the funeral. She put her hand on my knee. I loved your mother; she was one of my favorite girls. I knew she was telling the truth. There is something I need to ask you.

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What is it? Do you know Bill Jessups? She looked taken aback. Yes, I do. Then she got nervous. I know you worked for the NYPD; this isnt a set up, is it? I shook my head. No, never. However, I know Bill was a good customer of my moms. When she was murdered, do you know who she saw that day? A faraway look gleamed in Charises eyes. It was Bill Jessups. He was her only customer for several years. At least he thought so. I dont know the inner workings of the relationship. I know he was married, still is, and is a hot shot at Ivy Bank on Wall Street. He loved your mother. I dont think he would kill her. But she had other customers when they were together. What if he found out? She scratched her graying hair. If he found out, he couldnt have been that surprised. I mean, that is what she did for a living. Did he know about me? Yes, he did. But your mom was extra careful to keep those men away from her apartment and away from you. She loved you very much, Sarah. I know. Is there anything else that you can tell me about Bill? He was her first and only customer for about six months. Your mom was around seventeen and a virgin when we met. Bill was married, got a divorce, remarried. He is with another one of my girls now.

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So do you have any idea who murdered my mother? Charise paused. There is something else you need to know about Bill. I waited in anticipation for her to continue. What is it? Hes your biological father.

Unexpected Turn of Events The news that Bill was my father was shocking to say the least. Charise explained to me that my mom made up the story about getting pregnant in high school with the football coach so I would never know. My mom was new to being a call girl and got pregnant her first month of work, which was with Bill. He took a liking to her immediately and they met almost every night. When he found out about the pregnancy, and after she refused an abortion, he gave her the apartment I grew up in. They continued the clandestine affair while Bill continued to support us. He offered to be in my life as a father, but Bill was already married with a child, and Mom did not want me involved. I drove all the way back to Long Island with the news. When I arrived home, it was two in the morning, and Jack was still awake, waiting for me. I fell into his arms exhausted and poured out the story. Forty minutes later, I was asleep in his arms. We didnt wake up till late in the afternoon. Jack greeted me with toast and orange juice. Good morning, Sarah. I took a gulp of orange juice. The acid stung my dry throat. Thanks, baby, I needed this. Are you feeling better?

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I took a bite of toast. Yes, much. He sat next to me. You know we have dinner in an hour with Bill and Patty. Their children are in town and they want us to meet them. I whispered, My siblings. Yes, the girl is older than you and from his first wife. Your sister is married with children, and Bill had two more with Patty. Two boys. Theyre about a year apart and close to your age. I was going to meet my siblings today. I had family. What are his kids names? You dont remember? Agent Marks prepped us with all of that before we moved here. I became slightly aggravated. Humor me, please. Stacy, Bill Jr., and Trevor. As the words rolled off his lips, I slowly ingested the names. Years of tormented loneliness with my mom being gone at all hours when I was growing up, then her murder, and finally the alienation that my career path demanded exploded in a dam of tears. I cried for the family I never had. When I was little, I used to daydream about my father and pretend I had a sister. Now I was coming to grips with the fact that it was a reality. The feeling that they were close to my grasp now, but still far away gnawed at my insides. My first marriage was because I longed for a family. My faux marriage to Armando was enhanced when his family welcomed me warmly. However, I did a great job of destroying that. Years of buried bitterness gushed out, spewing its bile. I buried my face in a pillow and screamed. I screamed for the family stolen from me, the family that lived a wonderful life without me. About an hour later, broken and pitiful, Jack and I pulled up in the Jessups driveway. I put on my famous smile and greeted Patty and Bill with a boquet of fresh flowers.

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Patty took the boquet and ushered us in. Welcome to our home! Come meet our kids. I held back the nervousness and followed her into the den. Stacy was sitting on the love seat with her husband, and Bill Jr. and Trevor lounged comfortably on the couch. They stood when we entered. It took everything in me not to cry when I shook their hands. Two female toddlers waddled up to Stacy asking for cookies. They had blond curly hair and blue eyes. Twins. I wondered if twins ran on Bills side and would I have a pair? I patted my belly. I was so overwhelmed with the situation that at dinner I kept quiet and patiently listened every time someone spoke. I wanted to know everything about them. Was Bill a good father? Did Patty treat them well? How would they feel if they knew I was their sister? How would Bill react if he found out I was his illegitimate daughter? Would he love me? Try to make up for the lost years? Would my siblings accept me? Fragmented thoughts carouseled through my disheveled mind. Shortly after dinner I excused myself and sat on the patio. Stacy followed me. Is everything alright? Did we say something to offend you? Stacy kindly prodded. My tongue went limp, I couldnt respond, so I shook my head no. A lone tear escaped from my eye, and I turned away trying to hide it. Stacy walked over and put her arms around me. It was more than I could handle. I held her tight, wanting to explain. She did it for me. Dont worry, Patty told me its your first pregnancy. I cried constantly when I was pregnant with the twins. I began to laugh. She was such a sweetheart. I guess I need a little chocolate. She smiled and pulled out a chair from the patio table. Sit here. I will be right back.

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In less than five minutes, she was back with two pieces of chocolate cake. See if this helps. Strangely enough, it did. We spent the next half hour talking about pregnancy and children and unruly husbands. Stacy was beautiful with hazel hair and green eyes. We had matching cheekbones and hands, but I dont think she noticed. She was well mannered but seemed to have a certain edge about her. Like she was hiding something. I wondered if she knew why her mom and dad divorced, and if she did, what would she think of me? I already knew what she believed about my mom. Bill Jr. walked out and asked if we needed anything. I wanted to say, Yes, I need you to tell me that you love me and am happy that you have another sister. That you cant wait to get to know me better. But, of course we answered no, and Bill Jr. rejoined the others in the living room. I suddenly felt a small twinge in my belly. I shrieked, Oh my gosh! I think the baby moved! I think it kicked! Joy returned to my countenance as I remembered the blessing of my loving husband and new baby. I knew it was probably way too early for the baby to have really kicked, but still, it was movement. I ran inside to tell Stuart. His face lit up like a soon-to-be fathers should, and we used the good news as an excuse to leave.

Confusion Any new developments? Agent Marks asked. Jack and I sat next to him on the ferry moving toward Staten Island. We were in the back close to the children throwing crackers to the hungry seagulls. I was already into my second trimester and getting bigger everyday. Were trying, sir, but we cant seem to get anymore than we already have, Jack promptly stated. We need more time. It could take a while for Jack to gain Bills trust, I pleaded. I had begged Jack not to tell Agent Marks about Bill being my biological father. I knew that we would be pulled from the case if he found out. I wanted to spend more time with the Jessups. More time to

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get to know my father and siblings. Jack didnt like keeping this from the bureau, but he decided that loyalty to me came first. We had spent the last several months golfing with the Jessups, and every week I played cards with the girls at the club. At my request, we had even begun attending the neighborhood Presbetarian church together and sharing the Jessups pew. I was enjoying the Sunday afternoon brunches with them and was very reluctant to bring Agent Marks any information that would cause my new life to come to a halt. Agent Marks swatted at a fly. Agent Pagers has collected some data from Bills files being his secretary, but we suspect some others are involved. We want to bring them all in, not just Bill. Who else do you think is involved? I asked. His daughter Stacy and his eldest son Bill, Agent Marks replied matter of factly. My heart skipped a beat. What makes you think that? Some of the information Agent Pagers found. Agent Marks recrossed his legs and continued, We dont think Bills youngest, Trevor, is involved; he has a history of being unstable. I wanted to know more about my brother. Explain unstable. A hint of humor lightened Agent Marks countenance. Trevors a bit of a jerk. He and his brother have years of boxing lessons under their belt. Bill Jr. has even done a couple of days in jail for mauling a kid in college during some frat party. Trevor apparently isnt much better. Jack put his arm around me. We are doing our best, boss. Bills a hard nut to crack. Agent Marks looked out at the Statue of Liberty. Something needs to break soon.

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Shopping With the Girls Patty called me excited. My stepdaughter Stacy is coming in town. She wants to know if you want to come shopping with us. I answered enthusiastically, Yes, of course! When? Two days later, we were on Fifth Avenue searching for treasures. I felt as big as a house and trying on clothing was not something I was interested in doing. I did find a beautiful tan leather purse. Lets see if Dad wants to meet us for lunch, suggested Stacy. Good idea, lets surprise him, Patty exclaimed. We entered Bills office, and Patty haughtily informed The Slut, a.k.a. Agent Sue Pagers, that she needed to see her husband. The Slut rose from her desk. I dont think thats a good idea right now, Mrs. Jessups. Why not? demanded Patty. She stuck her hands on her hips. By the way, is your skirt not short enough? You look despicable. The Slut acted nervous by wringing her hands. Hes in a very important meeting. The words were no sooner out of her mouth when Bill walked out tucking his shirt in his pants. When he saw us, heat rose to his cheeks. He stuttered, Uh hi, what are you doing here?

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Patty relaxed. We wanted to take you to lunch. Is your meeting over? Visibly caught off guard, Bill shifted his weight. Uh, yeah. Just give me a moment. Bill turned to walk back in his office, but a little too late. Victoria, a.k.a. Tina, pranced out while straightening her slinky pink satin dress. Lipstick was smeared over her cheek. Patty began to visibly vibrate. WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE? Stacy screamed, HOW COULD YOU, DADDY? She lunged at Tina, preparing to tear her to shreds. Bill deftly stepped in front of her. Just calm down right now! Bill yelled. Tina looked at me and acknowledgment registered in her eyes. She recognized me. I quickly looked at her and shook my head. She got the point. I began to get woozy and my legs gave out. I plodded to the floor with a big thud. Everyone stopped what they were doing and ran over to me. Everyone except Victoria, who ran out of the office. Are you okay? Do we need to call an ambulance? Patty, Bill, and Stacy cried. I need to go home. Just take me home. Patty glared at Bill with a This isnt over look, and they helped me down the elevator and into the car. After a long, grueling ride home, I was back in bed. Jack lay next to me, Are you sure we dont need to take you to the doctor? I nodded. Positive. Ill be alright.

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He kissed me on the forehead. I have news. I looked at him. Oh yeah? What is it? Our director, J. Edgar Hoover, is gone, Jack said solemnly. Where did he go? Did he resign? I asked. Jack shook his head. Hes dead, heart failure. I let the news sink in. I had met Hoover once, but I wasnt a big fan. He had forbidden women to work as special agents for the FBI. He thought we werent good enough. Still, I didnt wish for his death. Is the new academy still going to open? You mean the one in Quantico? Its scheduled to open in a few days. I dont think his death is going to stop that. Good. A few minutes later, I fell asleep.

More Cards A few days later, I arrived at the country club for my weekly card game with the girls. Tricia was in rare form, already drunk, and heavily flirting with the male staff. Rose was melancholy, and I seriously felt like joining her. But I couldnt. I had a job to do. One that was getting harder by the day. Patty acted extremely chipper and like nothing happened. As if she never caught her husband cheating with a prostitute. Waiter! Oh waiter? Can you bring me another? This time, make it a double, Tricia said sloppily.

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Rose stuck her chin in her hand and cocked her head to the side. Dont you think youve had enough? Tricias brash laugh was heard throughout the room. Actually, no. Im going to drink til I go into a coma. I heard Long Islands ER has cute doctors. Patty moved her pile of chips to the center of the table. All in. Ive got a great hand. A few minutes later I excused myself to the ladies room. My belly was bloated and I was using the restroom four times an hour. When I walked out of the stall, Patty was waiting by the sink. Leslie, I need your help. An obviously distraught Patty compulsively washed her hands. Sure, what is going on? I asked, peeved and not in the mood to help anyone, especially my stepmother. Im leaving Bill, she stated flatly and matter-of-factly. Good for you. I smiled weakly. For some reason, when she told me she was leaving Bill, something inside rose up and wanted to defend him. Strange, but I needed to be her friend and do my job. My job, my stinking job. Whose idea was it that I become a special agent? Oh, thats right. It was mine. I need you to fly to Grand Cayman with me. His secret account is in Georgetown, and the fool put it in my name. Apparently he thought I would never find out, she mused and then continued. You see, I signed a prenuptial. So if I divorce him, that leaves me with nothing. I need the twenty million in his Cayman account to survive. A lump caught in my throat. This was my chance to retrieve the evidence I needed to put away Bill for a long time and possibly two of my

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siblings. Nice job, Sarah. Some daughter you are, putting your family in jail. Sure, when are we leaving?

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Chapter

22
The Discovery

Part Two of Life #3

Georgetown, Grand Cayman, was spectacular. With clear blue water and warm winds, Patty and I taxied around the island with our heads craning out the windows. Patty, I have never seen anything this beautiful before, I gasped, allowing the sweet and salty air to fill my lungs and prance its way through my hair. Patty had booked us a condo on Seven Mile beach, and I couldnt wait to go swimming. Of course, in my condition, I probably couldnt do more than float, or even worse, sink. First, we had to attend to business. The taxi pulled up to Gretchen Bank, and the driver opened the door for us. In a thick English accent, he bid us good day and left. The bank was large, with a white marble foyer and intimidating guards lining the hallways. Patty and I were ushered to a large desk, and Patty pulled out her passport and the manila folder I had previously seen from her safety deposit box. I would like to transfer these funds to a different bank, please, Patty promptly stated, trying hard to appear overconfident. The older and very tan man behind the desk worked for a few minutes on his computer. A puzzled look crossed his face. Mrs. Jessups, you were just here this morning. You have already transferred your account holdings. Patty didnt bother to hide her disdain. Theres been a mistake! I am Patty Jessups and I want you to transfer my money to Silverhead Bank!

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The man punched a button on his phone and a few seconds later, a large islander in a white suit and yellow tie appeared. Mrs. Jessups, I am Wayne Pearson, the bank manager. How can I help you? Patty became visibly upset and began to lose her composure. My money has been stolen! Look at my passport. I am Patty Jessups! Patty thrust her passport at Wayne. Wayne Pearson looked the passport over and nodded. This looks like you, but I assure you, the real Patty Jessups arrived here this morning and transferred her holdings. I know, I oversaw the transfer. Patty screamed, NO! I AM PATTY JESSUPS! GIVE ME MY MONEY! Less than a minute later, Patty and I were outside of Gretchen Bank on the sidewalk, escorted, no less, by three beefy police officers. Patty sat on the curb and began to cry. I hate him. I absolutely hate him. Who did he put up to this? Who did he send to pose as me? Just as bewildered, I sat next to Patty and allowed her to rest her head on my shoulder. After twenty minutes of allowing my stepmother to wallow in self-pity, I stood up, grabbed her hand, and pulled her to her feet. Okay, enough loathing for today. I am starving, and I need to eat. Now lets get some seafood. I waved down a taxi and we hopped in. Take us to the best seafood restaurant in town one that has a fantastic view of the beach, I ordered the cab driver. Yes, maam. The taxi driver nodded his agreement. Five minutes later, he dropped us off at a nice restaurant on the beach. I could smell the delicious food being prepared and my stomach growled in anticipation. Digging in to our scrumptious dinners, Patty began to drown her sorrows with vodka and tonic while I ordered a chocolate dessert. Nature demanded attention and I excused myself to the ladies room. On my way there, I spotted a familiar face sitting at the end of the bar. I

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walked up to the bar and tapped her on the shoulder. Agent Sue Pagers quickly turned around, surprise lighting up her face. I quickly probed, trying to assess the situation,What are you doing here, Sue? Did Bill send you here? Sue looked around quickly. Wheres Patty? Shes out on the terrace. We just got back from the bank. I spit out the details of our misadventure. Sue responded quickly. Listen, Sarah, Bill sent me here to transfer the money. Hes beginning to panic. I think he suspects Patty is leaving him. She thinks he is leaving her. I know shes going to confront him when we get back, I said in a hushed tone. You need to stall her, Sarah, keep her here for a few days til we can get a bust. Its better this way. She wont be in town when we take down her husband. We have enough evidence to put Bill Jr. behind bars, too. What about Stacy? I thought she was involved, I asked, concerned for my sister. We thought so, but it doesnt look that way. Now get out of here before you are caught. Sue turned her back to me, and I continued to the ladies room. I was able to convince Patty to stay the night and enjoy the beach the next day. However, she was antsy and wanted to leave. I sighed as we left Grand Cayman. Im bringing Jack here after this assignment, a couple of weeks in Cayman with our new baby will do us some good.

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Bill Jessups Two days later, as I was upstairs setting up the nursery, the phone rang. It was Bill Jessups. Leslie? This is Bill. I need to talk to you right away. Can I come over? Bill sounded a bit frantic. Sure, were home. I hung up the phone curious to why he called. I grabbed a pair of booties and gently placed them in the top drawer. Jack walked into the room wearing only a pair of boxers with mismatched socks. One black and the other brown. Baby, get dressed. Bill Jessups just called and he is on his way over. I shut the drawer and straightened the Noahs ark lampshade. Did he say why? Jack asked. No, but I really hope its not because he found out about Patty and my Caribbean vacation, I replied. I hope he did; then maybe he and Patty can talk things over, Jack said. The phone rang again, and this time it was Agent Marks. Sarah, Bill didnt send Agent Pagers to Grand Cayman; she sent herself. I was dumbfounded. What do you mean? I mean Agent Pagers did the transfer herself, Agent Marks hissed. Why would she do that? I still didnt get it.

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She and her husband have disappeared. There has to be a rational explanation, I said defensively. There sure is, Sarah. Sue stole the money. With that, Agent Marks hung up the phone. In the middle of relaying the message to Jack, the doorbell rang, and we opened the door to find Bill with red swollen eyes and sweat running down the sides of his face. Hi Jack, Hi Leslie. May I come in? Of course. Bill followed us to the living room and we sat down. He nervously looked around. This is a beautiful home, complimented Bill. Thanks. So what is going on? Jack got right to the point. Bill took a deep breath and slowly blew out, allowing a small whistle to escape from his lips. OK, Ill just say it. Bills eyes moved to mine and he absorbed me head to toe. Tina told me who you are, Sarah. I dont know why you havent said anything, or why you moved here, or even why you go by the name Leslie. I dont need to know. All I want is a relationship with my daughter. Stunned, my mouth dropped and I began to stammer, Wha What? You know? I cant believe Victoria told you. Bill continued as Jack slid over and put his arm around my shoulder. Sarah, I loved your mother. I was devastated to find out about her death. I wanted to find you, make sure you were okay, but the state wouldnt tell me where you were. I didnt find out your mom was gone until after her funeral. Lady Marmalade told me a week later.

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At the mention of my mother, I choked. My eyes never left his. Something hit my wrist, then the other wrist. I looked down at my hands. Tears. Years of tears. My mother telling me about that man in her high school yearbook. The coach who didnt want me. I tried to remember the speech I had rehearsed a thousand times, but it wasnt there. Hands shaking, flinging drops of water silently. I slowly looked up to eyes as red as mine. Now was real. My body choked for air again, and then softly, again Between shallow breaths, I cautiously whispered, Where were you? No response. His face contorted as he looked for an answer that didnt come easily. I inhaled deeply and looked up and to the left while wiping the salty water from my eyes so I could see. I breathed in again, this time more deeply, but still sharply, looking down quickly, searching for composure. I mustered strength and looked into Bills eyes. Why didnt I ever meet you? His turn. Years of wrinkles from wrong decisions, sorrow buried in women and business framed bloodshot eyes, eyes that too were letting loose of years of a missing child. Older eyes that were simply those of a father who loved me. I tried to gather my thoughts, but they continued to scatter. Years of hurt, pain, and the rejection of believing I was an unwanted, fatherless child rose to the surface of my desperate, clingy heart. Sarah, you were loved. He wanted you. You have a father! Bill began to cry. We did meet. I was at the hospital when you were born. I wanted your mom to write my name on your birth certificate, but she wouldnt. She was afraid it would destroy my family. Stacy was already born by then. Bill reached in his back pocket and pulled out an old photograph. I took it from him and stared at it. It was a picture of him with an infant sitting in his lap facing the camera. That baby is you, Sarah. Bill took out a handkerchief and blew his nose. After you were a year old, your mom forbid me to see you anymore. She saw how attached you were getting to me. Then, my wife found out about my affinity for pretty women and she divorced me. I should have married your mother and I wanted to, but she didnt want to get married. Its my fault. She knew I wouldnt be able to stay faithful, and she didnt want to go through what both my wives have

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now gone through. Bill hung his head in shame. The realization of the pain he had caused so many people filled his face with remorse. Still too stunned to make sense of the situation, I began to randomly babble. When I was little, I used to daydream you were a famous movie star or a prince in a foreign land. When my mom showed me a picture of another man and said he was my father, I began to hate him for having another family Bill finished for me. The high school football coach your mom told me. Im so sorry Im just so sorry My face was a puddle. Ive missed you my entire life Bill wailed, Ive made a mess Im a bad person I need help. Im afraid Patty is going to leave me. Ive done something else horrible. Im so sorry, Sarah. I wish you found out that your father was a respectable man, but Im not. I dont deserve what I have. Jack decided to walk through the door Bill opened. Bill, dont be so hard on yourself; we all make mistakes. What could you have done that was so horrible? Bills face splotched as he looked away from Jack, too ashamed to meet his eyes. Im a thief. Bill blew his nose again on the already soaking wet handkerchief. There, Ive said it. Ive stolen some money, and now I dont know how to get out of it. Jack looked over at me. Bill, if you are willing to come clean, we can help you. Bill looked confused and sniffled, What do you mean? The words barely escaped his lips when we heard a commotion ram through our front door. It sounded like a train was heading our way. Frozen, we all turned to see who had entered the room. It was Patty,

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Sarah, Bill Jr., and Trevor. Patty stood at the front of the room and glared first at me. How could you, Leslie? I thought you were my friend! I stammered, What are you talking about? Bill interjected, What are all of you doing here? Patty began her rant, Bill, you are not stopping me, and I brought the kids along to make sure you dont get away with this! Do you think you can just run out and leave me high and dry? Well youre not! Who did you send to take the money out of the Grand Cayman account? Bill looked at her warily. How did you know about that account? And what do you mean who did I send to take the money out? Patty glanced my way apologetically, suddenly realizing I didnt sell her out. She continued with her fury, What are you doing here Bill? Trying to gain sympathy for your philandering? Bill looked at Stacy, Bill Jr., and Trevor. Kids, you know I love all three of you dearly, right? Bill Jr. and Trevor nodded, obviously still angry. Stacy was the first to speak. If you love us so much, how come you cheat on Patty? How could you sleep with prostitutes? Bill took the statement like a man and addressed his three children. What I have done was wrong. I dont want a divorce, and I am still in love with your mom. Stacy fired back, refusing to lose steam. You may be in love with their mom, but you werent in love with mine. You ditched her for a prostitute. A stinking whore!

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Enraged, I stood up. Dont talk about my mother like that! Who do you think you are? The room fell strangely silent, everyone astounded by my declaration. Bill spoke up, Leslie is my daughter, I got Maggie pregnant. Stacy turned her fury towards me. YOURE JEZEBELS DAUGHTER? I hate you too and Im glad shes dead! As I started towards Stacy, Jack stepped in front of me. Stop it! Stop it right now! Leslie is pregnant, and I am asking all of you to calm down. Suddenly Trevor faced us with a gun in his hand. We all stopped dead in our tracks. I want you dead, Leslie, and your baby too. Youre trashy mother ruined my life! Jack raised his hands in the air. Look, Trevor, I know youre upset, but please put down that gun. Trevor walked closer to me. Tell her Bill Jr. Tell her hat we did to her mother. The blood drained from my face. In utter horror, not really wanting to know what happened, I asked anyway in a voice so strained it was more like a raspy whisper, What did you do to my mother? Bill Jr. tried to walk toward Trevor. Trevor, shut up. Just shut up and put down that gun! Trevor shot the gun to his right and nailed a lamp. It easily shattered to the floor. Stand back, all of you! My voice began to shrill. Trevor, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MOTHER!?

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Trevor looked at Bill and then me with intense hatred. Daddy couldnt stay away from his slut mistress he had plenty of time for her but none for us Isnt that right, Dad? Some prostitute was more important than Mom and our baseball games? Bill tried to speak up. Trevor, please dont Trevor cut him off, So Bill and I wanted to know just what was so special about your tramp why she took precedence over us. Bill Jr. and I took turns raping her before we slit her throat. I screamed and ran toward Trevor. Jack jumped in front of me as Trevor fired his gun. Jack crumpled to the floor as I hit my knees. I heard someone scream to call an ambulance. I quickly ripped open Jacks shirt trying to find the wound so I could stop the blood. Youre going to be alright, baby, you hear me? Youre going to be okay. Jacks eyes rolled to the back of his head. I slapped him on his cheek. Wake up! Wake up! His eyes moved forward and met mine while I held my hand over the wound. Blood gushed rapidly between my fingers. Baby, please dont leave me. I never had a chance to tell you, were having a boy. Jack weakly smiled and closed his eyes. My world began to crumble

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Part 4 Life #4 The Cliff Basey Case

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Chapter

23

Operation Save the Girls

The Beginning of the End The unwelcome whine of an approaching ambulance filled the room as red and blue lights began to intrude from outside. Moments later, the ambulance sirens were still screaming while faceless paramedics in white quickly pushed open the door and gathered around Jack. My heart stopped, and then I shuddered. I fell to my knees begging God for a second chance. Please, God, please dont take him! Hes a father! I woke up, the sweat dripping from my forehead, and my arms sticky from the hot comforter stuck to my body. I sat up in bed and turned on the night light Ive had by my bedstand for the past few years. Baby, whats wrong? Did you have another nightmare? Jack struggled to reach over and pull me into an embrace. Its the same one over and over again. I cant seem to shake that night I thought you died. The fear of you dying overshadows me all the time; its driving me crazy. Let me hold you. Jack rubbed my back as I drifted off to sleep. * * ***** The next morning, entirely too early, my boss and President of the FBI Academy, Fred Shipley, a heavyset man who was old and fat stuck his head in my office and asked, Sarah, can I see you in my office? Usually he left me alone, but his voice inflection betrayed a hint of insecurity.

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Ordinarily he had no problem giving orders. I wondered what was going on. I stepped into his large, dusty office with a fake tree in every corner. They didnt help the ambiance, they only added to the deterioration of the dcor. The faint smell of mildew rose from the cheap plastic black leather chair as I sat down. He stepped behind his desk and pretended to seat himself comfortably in the high back chair. However, he couldnt hide his stiff-necked trepidation. How can I help you? I asked, mildly bored. I need you for the Cliff Basey case. Need you undercover. Fred Shipley hesitated, gearing himself for resistance from me. I refused to give it. Absolutely Cant wait. Whats my assignment? I smiled inwardly from the shocked look on his face. Frankly, I wanted to go undercover. I was already tired of my life. Since Jack was shot and I had Christopher, I had been training potential special agents in Quantico, Virginia. Life had become mundane and boring. I loved my husband and my son, but teaching the same lesson plans day after day, year after year, had began to wear on my nerves. I needed a break. I need you to find out how they are shipping the people in. How Cliff Basey is getting them in here from the Sudan. Agent Shipley coldly clipped off the details with a harshness that was familiar among agents. It didnt bother me, not anymore. After many years now with the bureau, I had become the same way. It was a self-protection method; if you didnt get emotionally involved, you wouldnt get hurt. Many of us were self-medicating with barbiturates and alcohol. For years I had resisted, but after Jacks shooting mixed with the arrest of my dad and brothers, well I gave in. Christophers birth came early due to stress, and after many sleepless nights with him needing to be fed every two hours, I slowly became dependent. Now I was carrying a five-pill-a-day addiction. I didnt know how else to make it through the day.

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Fred Shipley finished his speech, So anyway, Sarah, I need you to leave tomorrow. Tomorrow? I almost shouted. Had he lost his mind? I needed at least a week, preferably a month. We are running out of time. We need to put a lid on this human trafficking scandal immediately. Fred ushered me out of his office, and I went to deliver the news to my husband and son.

The CIA I had never worked with the CIA before, and I had heard that if you didnt submit completely to their authority, you were dismissed from the case. I had been shipped to the Sudan to go over case details with the CIA and to see if there was a way I could be eased in to Africa. Since Cliff Basey was American operating from Sudan, we were looking for a way to break into his circle of influence. My handler was a guy by the name of Tim Stevenson. Agent Stevenson was the most mean-spirited man I had ever met. He was bossy, controlling, and very chauvinistic, especially, it seemed, toward me. Alright, Sarah, your new name is Amy Townsend, and you are from New Jersey. You work at a shipping company there and are sleeping with the married owner. Revel Shipping, who we believe has been smuggling Sudanese people to America, has a long-standing relationship with Cliff Basey. I need you to be in charge of the monthly shipments of oil from Sudan to New Jersey. Agent Stevenson haughtily rattled off my assignment with a spirit of pride that was both disgusting and exasperating. After my two-hour briefing, I left Agent Stevensons office, feeling heady from the excitement of a new case. I was back in business!

The Sudan

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It was the year 1978, and Sudan was supposedly in a period of peace following the Addis Ababa Agreement, which put an end to the First Sudanese Civil War. President Muhammad Nimeiri was desperate to help us stop his people being sold as slaves in America. I was sent to an upper class hotel in Port Sudan where I was waited on hand and foot. The hotel wasnt particularly large, with only five stories, but the staff was overly nice and my room was very comfortable. Two large antique looking chandeliers hung in the foyer in the front entrance of the hotel. They shone wickedly off the whitewashed walls. Every time I had to walk under them, I did so quickly with fear they would fall due to how large they were and how small the hook they were hanging from was. I happily took advantage of the massages, pedicures, and many of the other luxuries I was afforded. My first week was great: I relaxed and enjoyed myself as much as I could. They had a kidney-shaped pool decorated with chairs and large colorful umbrellas that I quickly became fond of. However, I already missed Jack and Christopher and spent an hour on the phone with them each night. The Crispus Hotel where I was staying was occupied on a frequent basis by Cliff Basey, and I was simply waiting for his next arrival. I didnt have to wait long, by the end of week two, he made his presence known.

Ms. Townsend, is there anything else I can get for you? the attractive young Sudanese waiter asked me in perfect English. I knew Basey was in the hotel, and I had been dining in the hotel restaurant, hoping for a runin. Actually there is. I was hoping for a little excitement tonight. Is there anywhere around here where a girl can play a hand of cards? I had overheard a conversation in the elevator previously about a poker game that went on in the lounge sometimes. The hotel looked the other way when money exchanged hands. The waiter looked around. Well, maybe if you stop by our bar around 8 for a drink, youll run into someone else who likes to play cards.

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Later that evening, I took the waiters advice and visited the hotel bar. A stuffed baby elephant and cheetah stood dutifully by the entrance guarding the door. I was sincerely hoping they were fakes, and made sure not to touch them. The bar was slightly eerie with all of the spears and African tribal masks displayed on the walls. The toothless bartender introduced me to a group of men, and by 8:30, I was full swing in a poker game with three British males staying at the hotel. Playing poker every week with my stepmom during my last case allowed me to hold my own. I briefly thought about my dad and siblings, my two brothers were in jail, my step mom was seeing a therapist, and my sister wasnt speaking to me. My dad only had a few more years to go before he would be released from jail. As I was pushing thoughts about my dysfunctional family out of my mind, Cliff Basey walked in. Sweat from the grueling heat rolled down the sides of his face. I didnt realize how attractive he was. The photographs I had seen had not done him justice. He appeared younger than he was, with a full head of bleached blond hair that was long and pulled back into a ponytail. His flip-flops and surfer shorts completed the look. If I hadnt known any better, I would have thought he was a college student on summer break. Just looking at him, it was hard to believe he smuggled human beings and sold them as slaves. Talk about not judging a book by its cover. He sat at the bar and quickly downed one beer while his hand was wrapped around a second. The second beer lasted all of three seconds. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked around. I caught his eye momentarily and then quickly looked down at my cards. I was up a couple of hundred dollars and wanted desperately to stay that way. Two minutes later, he was asking one of the men at the table if he could join in the game. The game droned on for several hours until it was well past two in the morning. My eyelids began to droop and I finally folded. Luckily, I was still up quite a bit and I deposited my winnings in my handbag. When I began to leave, Cliff stood up and walked me out of the bar. So Amy, how long are you in town? Cliffs boyish charm was mesmerizing after six strong cocktails. Just another week or so. I have a shipment coming in and then Im out of here. Til next time anyway. I carefully said my rehearsed lines.

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So you work in shipping? What company? Cliff asked, curiosity peaked. Revel Shipping. We ship petroleum out of New Jersey, where Im from. I let the words slide off my lips. By this time I was so tired I could have laid out on the marble floor and taken a nap. I can see that youre tired, how about breakfast tomorrow? In the dining hall at nine? Cliff had undeniable confidence and I could tell he wasnt used to being told no. Nine it is. I walked on the elevator and allowed the doors to close behind me, leaving Cliff in the hall. He didnt bother to hide his elated grin. As I rode up the elevator to my room, I swallowed hard. You see, I had always had an eye for sexy men. In my heart, I wanted to be faithful to only one. And for all practical purposes I was. I had been faithful to Jack. But a part of me, a deep part of me, longed for the acceptance only an attractive male could give. Did I have daddy issues? Maybe. But I struggled to look away every time I saw an exquisite specimen of the male species. It was my own secret. My own demon I had to constantly fight. My own personal spirit of shame that beat me up every time I gave in to a visual indulgence. I opened my hotel room door, and after locking it behing me, I curled up under the covers. Fighting guilt, I nodded off to sleep.

Wrong Choices

Good morning, darling. What can I get you for breakfast? Cliffs allblack plastic sunglasses hid his red eyes and accentuated his cute sunburned nose.

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Scrambled eggs and bacon. Some orange juice would probably help with my hangover. I wasnt really hung over, but I wanted to appear loose and slightly out of control. Maybe even easily manipulated. Early morning candor came effortlessly as Cliffs cynical sense of humor and relaxed manner caused me to enjoy what could have been an uncomfortable situation. I was immediately attracted to him. He was interesting and slightly exotic. He was so charming that I began to wonder if he really was the villain or did they have the wrong man? So what is on the agenda for you today? Cliffs kaliediscope eyes swallowed mine. I acted coy, Oh, I have some business I need to take care of. Cliff grinned. Oh, yeah? You say that so slyly. Is your employer not on the up and up? I purposely wouldnt look him in the eye. We all have our secrets. Cliff laughed. That we do. He paused, reached over and stroked my left hand. How about dinner tonight?

My heart began to beat faster. What was wrong with me? Sarah, get a hold of yourself! Sure, how about seven? After breakfast I went to my room and stood staring at myself in the mirror on the closet door. Sarah, you are a married woman. You have a child. This man sells human slaves. I shook off the lust and began to think rationally. Being in Cliffs presence was like a drug. He made me feel very wanted and beautiful. Not that Jack didnt, but something deep inside of me needed, wanted, and strongly desired male attention. I called Jack. Hey, baby, how are you? Jacks strong firm baritone voice soothed my aching heart.

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Its going slow, but I made contact today and I believe that the pace should pick up soon. Hows Christopher? We continued talking for several minutes before hanging up. I felt much better after speaking with Jack. Twenty minutes later with a firm resolve to keep my mind focused on business, I was in a taxi. It was time to meet with my handler.

Stinky Stevenson So where are you going with him for dinner? Agent Stevenson wiped the ketchup off the side of his mouth. We were meeting in a tiny restaurant on the outskirts of town. The place was musty and smelly and I could have sworn I saw a snake slithering by the side of the wall. The top of the small square table was oily and the white plastic lawn chairs had red stains on them. I pushed the fact that it was probably dried blood squarely out of my head. He didnt say, I replied coldly. I disliked everything about Agent Stevenson. Did he give you any information at all that could help the case? Agent Stevenson stared at me, not bothering to hide his distrust. None. Not yet. I wished sincerely that our meeting would end soon as I stared at a cobweb that was nicely spun hanging above his head. Now that youve made contact, I want you to stop talking to Agent Jackson til this case is over, Stevenson stated bluntly and unemotionally. I gasped. But hes my husband! I need to talk to my son! This case could take months!

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Orders are orders. Ill make sure Agent Jackson is informed. Stevenson then rose from the table and left me to sit and stew. Bad News Basey I met Cliff in the hotel lobby at seven and he was ready and waiting with a taxi. You look stunning, my dear. Thank you. Where are we going? I was wearing a wire and I wanted to make sure the CIA knew where I was. To a little restaurant down the street. Cliff opened the taxi door and I climbed in. When I was with Cliff, it was like stepping into a different world. He was very well known in town and everyone treated him like a celebrity. The atmosphere of Port Sudan seemed somewhat dark and dismal, while Cliff exuded what appeared to be happiness wherever he went. He was free with his money and he treated me like a queen. Every minute was like a celebration. For a week, we spent every night together, while during the day, we relaxed by the pool. I informed him that I was dating my married boss, along with the other lies I was supposed to tell in hopes that he would somehow spill his guts about the girls. However, the more I hung around Cliff, the more I liked him. In fact, he was beginning to grow on me. Darling, would you like another margarita? Cliff motioned to the waiter. Yes, please. You know this is my last night, right? I fluttered my eyes trying to look at him through the glaring sun while laying on my stomach enjoying the suns rays. I had lost five pounds already since coming to the Sudan and I wanted to sweat the final three off. Well, we will have to have a huge party tonight. Cliff smiled at me while blatantly studying my legs.

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As he stared at me, I brazenly looked him over through my dark sunglasses. The sweat gleamed off his slightly built sunburned chest. Suddenly pangs of guilt washed over me as I remembered Jack. I shook my head and looked back at the magazine I had been reading. That was the problem with the lies I had been telling and the double life I was leading. I had to concentrate so much on being authentic that sometimes I truly began believing that what I had been saying was true. Several times already that week I had forgotten I was married with a beautiful son. Not being allowed to talk to them wasnt helping either. What kind of wife and mother was I anyway? I was beginning to regret taking this assignment. So far, I had received no information whatsoever to help this case, and I was developing a schoolgirl crush on a possible sick and twisted criminal who sold humans. Hello, Sarah! Wake-up! Stop fooling around and get some information out of this man!

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Chapter

24

Getting Worse
My supposed final night in Sudan was fantastic. Cliff brought out the works. We drank champagne, danced, and he held me in the moonlight. He had rented a limo for the majority of the evening. In the limo on the way to another club, I laid my head on his shoulder, tired and almost asleep. Cliff nudged me. Here, take this; itll wake you up. I sat up to see what he was offering. It was a mirror with a line of cocaine on it and a gold straw. I didnt know you did that stuff. Its just a quick pick-me-up, here take it, he said, pushing the mirror in front of my face. I quickly sniffed the line and perked right up. Wow, what is in that stuff? Cliff looked proud. Crank, its a lot stronger than cocaine. I only get the best. All of my senses were now on fire, and I downed half of bottle of tequila while talking Cliffs ears red. I was a complete mess by the time the limo dropped us off. We danced for several hours, and sometime during the night, Cliff happily supplied me with another line of the white stuff. My mind had gone to mush, and I couldnt seem to remember my name. Luckily, Cliff kept introducing me as his girlfriend Amy, and for some reason, I believed him.

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We finished off our evening by walking back to the hotel under a quiet, starry sky. Getting into the hotel and to the elevator was ridiculous, we laughed as we propped each other up, stumbling and incoherent. Somehow, we made it into the elevator, then the door closed, and he moved in. I love your dress, Amy. Cliffs tone turned from light to seductive. I was so high off the crank I didnt register the unwelcome change. Thank you. I had worn a garnet colored dress with a rhinestone pendent in the middle of the chest area. The dress had a halter-top that accentuated my femininity. As the elevator stopped at our floor, Cliff pushed a button that prevented the doors from opening. What are you doing? I asked, not quite catching on. Alcohol mixed with drugs usually has that affect on people. Cliff slid over to the corner that I was standing in and placed his arms on the wall, encasing me. I finally caught on. Cliff, umm The words were unable to escape my lips because he began kissing me. Not quite sure what to do, I kissed him back. Amy, I have been wanting to do this since I met you, Cliff groaned. Sheer terror ran through my veins. Nothing in me wanted to do this, but the deadly alcohol/drug mixture was blocking me from reacting quickly. Plus, I was having a hard time completing a thought, getting a full sentence out was nearly impossible. I dont know if we should I have a boyfriend remember he owns the company I work for. Cliff briefly stopped kissing me and brought his eyes close to mine, breathing heavy. You mean your married boyfriend? Amy, you know you want this, and I want it too.

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I Cliff wasnt about to take no for an answer and before I knew what was happening, my body responded to his and in less than ten minutes it was over. Cliff opened the elevator doors, picked me up in his arms and carried me into his room. It was at that moment I remembered the wiretap stuck in the recesses of my bra. The CIA had recorded my entire night. I climbed out of his arms and excused myself to the bathroom where I flushed the wiretap down the toilet. I was already in trouble, and it didnt matter anymore. As I opened the bathroom door, Cliff was waiting for me without much clothing on and two glasses of champagne. I tried to politely excuse myself and go back to my room, but he blocked my way, and I didnt have the strength to properly resist and well do I really need to tell you the rest?

Worst Mistake of My Life The next morning, I awoke with a start to find Cliff next to me snoring loudly. It took me a few seconds to grasp onto the fact that I had betrayed my wedding vows several hours earlier. Suddenly, I felt filthy and wanted to get away. I snuck out of bed and began to get dressed. Cliff opened his eyes, letting them wander over my body. Sweetheart, where are you going? Cliff looked at me sleepily. I looked away, ashamed. I have to go back to New Jersey today, remember? Cliff sat up in bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. Baby, I want you to stay here with me. I cant, I have a job to do. I pretended to gaze at him lovingly. I really wanted to throw up. Stay in character, Sarah! Stay in character! Stay with me, Amy. Cliff rubbed my arm.

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I have bills to pay, an apartment in New Jersey well one my boyfriends been paying for, I mused, pretending to think it over. How about staying and working for me? Cliff appeared serious. Doing what? I asked innocently. Cliff laughed. Dont try and act innocent. I know all about Revel Shipping and what they really do. You dont know what they really do. I acted surprised. Darling, I am one of their customers, Cliff said arrogantly. No youre not. Ive never seen you on the manifest, I said, daring him to say more. Because I go under another name, Copper Bernhardt, Cliff said smugly. I logged the alias in my brain before responding, And why do you go by an alias? You know why, and dont pretend you dont. I pay good money to have your supervisors look the other way. Im sure some of it has trickled down to you. Cliff began to get defensive. I decided to defuse the situation so I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Before I knew what was happening, he took me in his arms and the elevator incident was repeated. This time I was sober, scared, and now sick with guilt. Pretending he was Jack didnt help me get through it any easier either. Agent Tim Stevenson So what were you able to find out? Agent Tim Stevensons breath reeked of rotten eggs and I wanted to puke.

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He goes by the alias Copper Bernhardt when he ships the crates through Revel. I rattled off the information quietly. Is that all youve got after spending the entire night with him? grunted Stevenson. My entire body turned pink with embarrassment. What? Stevenson laughed meanly and without reservation. Oh yeah? You think we dont know? Were the CIA. We know when you breathe, eat, and well you know. Plus, we have your little adulterous escapade recorded through your wiretap and the cameras they have installed in the elevators. Tears welled up in my eyes. Please, dont tell Jack. I didnt mean for this to happen. I cant stand the guy, I just got caught in a bad situation. Stevenson licked his lips, obviously happy to have me between a rock and a hard place. He waved his hands out in front of him. Your marriage is your business. We just want enough information to put him and everyone involved behind bars. He paused for effect and then sneered. Though, we heard you were the kind of agent who would do what it took to get the job done. Thats one of the reasons we agreed to take you on this case. Cliff is a known connoisseur of women. His words sliced through me like a knife. Rejection and humiliation poured into my already wounded soul. I had screwed up and now everyone knew about it. Everyone but my unsuspecting, loving, responsible, good husband. I swallowed my pride and pushed past the pain. I had already felt beaten down, and Agent Stevenson just put the cherry on top. Depression began to take its nasty hold on me. I helped the feeling along by upping the dosage on my five pill a day addiction to seven. The Girls

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Two days later, Cliff drove me to a secluded place blindfolded. He told me that it was in my best interest that I didnt know where we were going. When he removed the blindfold, I wasnt prepared for the sights I saw. I appeared to be in a small, remote village full of little children and women. They were all in chains, and wore very little to no clothing. Everyone was skinny, with a look of horror bathed on their faces. Fecal matter and flies were everywhere, and the place stunk something fierce. Cliff took me to a hut, and inside were girls anywhere from seven years old to twenty-two crammed in a small space. See these girls, Amy? Cliff pointed to the pathetic looking bunch. I nodded dumbly, acting indifferent. However, my heart was screaming a different story. Yeah, what about them? I, or should I say we now, make the most money off of the women. Particularly the prepubescent girls, because they are virgins. Now your job is to oversee these women, clean them up, make sure they obey, and get them ready to ship off. It took everything in me to hold back the tears. How do you want me to clean them up? They need showers, clean clothes, make-up Cliff was quick to respond. First we ship them off, then when we get back to the states, I have bunkers ready where you can clean them up. If they give you any trouble, call me and I will get one of my men to take care of them. And believe me, they dont want that. I gulped silently, careful not to give myself away. When do we leave? Tommorow. The next day, I watched as we packed around three thousand people into huge shipping crates. No water, no bathrooms, and pure heat. It was

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disgusting, but I had to go along with it. For now anyway. I despised Cliff. I hated him with every fiber of my being, and I now wanted him dead. As far as I was concerned, he deserved more than death; hell was too good for him. He repulsed me, and that night I sat up in my posh hotel room and cried for the people he held captive. I wept for the thousands of people sold into slavery. Women who didnt speak English, little girls and boys who were raped and beaten while no one knew they existed. After my tear ducts were swollen, I broke protocol and called Jack. I knew I would receive a tongue lashing from Agent Stevenson, but I didnt care. Jack? I cried into the phone. Sarah! Are you alright? I thought you werent allowed to call? Jacks tough sturdy voice resounded through me. Im not, but I missed you and Christopher so much that I couldnt take it anymore. I broke down and bawled like a baby, grateful just to hear his breathing over the phone. Sarah, I love you so much. I miss you and so does Christopher. As Jack began to speak, the shame I felt inside gnawed away at my insides. I debated confessing my infidelity, but then decided against it. I was afraid he would leave me if he knew. Jack, I love you more than youll ever know. As I blubbered the words out, the line went dead. I knew the CIA had my line tapped. I didnt care, hearing Jack reinforce his love for me was just what the doctor ordered. It gave me the strength to make it through the next two days. As I hung up the phone, I heard a light rapping on my door. I went to open it, knowing it was Cliff. Darling, are you packed and ready to go? Cliff looked nervous and high strung. I grabbed my suitcase. Im ready when you are.

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Headed for Destruction Cliff and I headed toward the airport and caught the next flight to the states. We had a layover in Atlanta and then we made it to New Jersey by midnight. The shipment was due by ten in the morning. Tired, we went to a hotel and I crawled into bed next to Cliff, sincerely hoping he wouldnt get any bright ideas. Luckily, the long flight took all of his spunk and he went right to sleep.

The next morning, I wore a wiretap that an undercover agent slipped me in the elevator when I went down to the lobby for a morning newspaper. I returned to the room with coffee and two fresh cinnamon buns. I was elated to be back in the states and didnt hide my chipper attitude in front of Cliff. Good morning! Rise and shine! I brought us breakfast. Cliff was already out of bed and sitting on the settee by the window. Darkness had clouded his face, but he quickly got over whatever he was thinking about when I walked in. Thank you, Amy! Im very hungry. I playfully licked the icing on the cinnamon bun. Me too. That was a long gruesome flight. Youre telling me. Good news is, Im planning on retiring after this shipment, Cliff stated flatly. I looked dumfounded. No need to pretend, I really was. What are you talking about? I thought you made a good living at this. He motioned for me to sit on his lap. I obeyed. I have an offer to make even more money.

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Really? Doing what? Same thing, but apparently theres more money to be made in Lebanon. Lebanon? I gasped. There are lots of wealthy Lebanese men who will pay over double what I get paid now, per person, if I can get them white virgins. White virgins? Where are you supposed to get those? I shifted my weight on his lap. New York has plenty of runaway girls staying in hostels and on the streets. Theyre easy to find. My blood boiled and my mind raced, but I refused to react to his words. Instead I chewed on my cinnamon bun and tried to get my mind off of what he said. I needed to calm down and keep my cool. I left his lap, sat in my chair on the balcony, and stared at the city skyline. Gazing down, I saw the back of a building with graffiti. Someone had spray painted Jesus Saves in big red letters across the bottom of the wall. I muttered under my breath, Well, if you save, Jesus, then I need You to save me. A few minutes later Cliff rose from where he was sitting and came over to me. He gently reached down and began to softly kiss me. As I started to resist, I watched his countenance turn violent. Why are you turning your head away from me? Cliff growled. I decided to lie. Its my time of the month! Cliff nodded knowingly at that satisfactory answer and backed off. I quickly headed for the shower to get ready for our big day.

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At ten oclock, we met the shipment and the girls assigned to me were transported by black and blue vans to a home in a seedy neighborhood. We were stuffed in a basement with a bathroom, and I had all the girls take showers. One little girl, about eight years old, asked me if I knew where her mom was. You speak English? I asked her, mildly shocked. We learned it in school, she replied. I looked over at the group of scared girls. Do you all speak English? They refused to respond. My heart went out to them. Another girl, older, around fourteen, grabbed the eight-year old and pulled her close, telling her to be quiet in their native language. The little girl protested, But shes nice; shes not like the others. She doesnt hit us. The fourteen-year old glared at her and she stopped talking. I heard a commotion upstairs and knew that the FBI had arrived. Within minutes, Cliff, along with a few others, were arrested and carried outside. When I walked to a police car without handcuffs, Cliff glared at me. Why isnt she handcuffed? She works for me! Agent Marks, who had led the team, grinned. Because shes one of us. I looked at Cliff and nodded my agreement. He scowled as he was stuffed into one of the cars. I looked at Agent Marks. I want to go home. Agent Marks answered. Say hi to Jack for me.

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Chapter

25
The Lebanon Case

Part 2 of Life #4

What do you mean you couldnt help yourself? Jack screamed, blood pulsating through his neck, causing even his ears to turn red.

Im sorry! I should have never told you! I had begged for forgiveness for the past two hours. We were way past crying. You did a job for the CIA! Do you really think that I wouldnt have found out? Jack was still randomly throwing clothes in a suitcase. Please dont go! I need you! I told you Im sorry! What else do you want me to say? Burned out from the emotional upheaval, I walked in the master bathroom, locking the door behind me. Sitting on the toilet I continued to chastise myself for telling him about Cliff. Nice work, Sarah! Did you really think that he was going to hang around when he found out you ran into the arms of a criminal the second he was out of sight? I heard the door slam and Christopher crying as they both got in the car and left. Broken and spent, I crawled over to the bathtub and spent the night curled up next to the soap. The CIA Offer

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Agent Marks puffed on his cigar as I sat in front of his worn-out coffee-ring-stained desk. Cliff Basey had cut a deal with the CIA in exchange for a lighter jail sentence. Cliff was going to work with us to make sure that we were able to arrest the Lebanese gang who was kidnapping and selling the American girls. Sarah, Ill just come right out with it The CIA is offering you a job with them for double the pay you make with us. In light of the situation you have going on at home, this move might prove to be a good idea. Agent Marks sat back, waiting to see what affect his words would have on me. I didnt care about double the income, in fact I could care less about money. I just wanted my family back. Apparently, my indiscretion was no secret around the office. Where do they want to send me? It didnt matter, I had already resigned myself to go. I was ashamed of what I had done and I wanted out of that office and away from everyone who knew me. Lebanon. They want you to work with Cliff Basey again. The words rolled off his lips and struck me in the heart like a nuclear missile. My heart properly exploded. Is this some kind of joke? Stick it to the stupid girl agent who ruined her marriage and slept with a lowlife scumbag criminal? Agent Marks leaned forward and I saw the flicker of amusement in his eyes. For your information, Sarah, I plan to stick Jack on this case too. He just doesnt know it yet. Give him time to calm down. Hell come around. I dont ever want to see Cliff again, I said with flat defiance, knowing it was a waste of time. Sorry, but hes working with the CIA, and I am assuming you are going to take the position with them. I knew he wasnt asking a question, so I just nodded my head in agreement. Agent Marks continued, You will only be working with him long enough to make contact with the

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Lebanese group and find out how they operate; then he will be sent to jail. My insides felt frozen and my head swirled with confused thoughts. A heaviness had wrapped itself around my shoulders, and I was struggling not to let bitterness have its way with me. After all, I had gotten myself into this position, and it was high time I paid for my mistakes. The Trials of Beirut Within a couple of days, Jack, Christopher, and I were moved to Beirut and into a small three-room apartment a few blocks from port. Jack and I were sleeping in the same bed, but we werent talking. The good news was, we were at least still together and I had my son. Jacks job was to pose as a slave trader, while I was the good wife who helped clean up the girls and get them ready for market. Cliff was coming in a week, and we were to sit down to dinner with his contacts. Our first few days there, we toured Beirut and spent time letting Christopher play at Ramlet al Baida beach. The Meditterean Sea was beautiful, and watching it helped dull the pain of my aching heart. Jack and I both agreed that we didnt like Christopher undercover with us, but the CIA promised he would be safe, and having a child did help us look legitimate. The truth was, the CIA was only interested in getting arrests and making themselves look good. However, I was desperate to make amends with my family, so I tolerated Christopher being in Beruit. Our new names were Brian and June Deloise. Christopher kept his first name. Living with Jack was strenuous; I felt nothing but a cold chill coming from his side of the bed. I knew the only reason he was sleeping in it was because he had to. For appearances sake and probably for Christopher, too. In front of Christopher we acted like everything was okay, even though it wasnt. I thought when we moved here he would eventually forget about what happened, but every day his resentment grew. He had begun to work with Cliff on a daily basis to infilterate the gang, and the sight of his face was a constant reminder. One melancholy day, when I was walking Christopher toward the market, something I could only do when it was light, I saw a black man sitting on the sidewalk reading a book. I could tell he was American, and when Christopher and I walked by, he said hello and winked at Christopher. Hungry for company, I paused to speak to him.

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Youre American? I asked. Yup, Kansas City. There was something attractive about him, but not in a romantic sense, more brotherly than anything else. So what brought you to Beruit? The heat was scorching and sweat was dripping down my neck and arms, but something inside of me was desperate to talk to this man. Jesus Christ did. I came here to start a church, Im a pastor of about hundred people here. He said those words with a sparkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips. I loved his genuineness. Wow I thought this was Muslim country. Pretty daring of you. The man emanated a presence of love, causing my feet to stay firmly planted. He looked at me like a loving father. How is your relationship with God? His question confused me. What do you mean? I didnt know I could have a relationship with God. His already wide smile broadened. Not only can you have a direct relationship with God, but also His Son Jesus, who died for you. Christopher was beginning to become restless and grabbed at my dress. It was nice meeting you, Pastor Charles Pastor Charles of New Hope Church. Come visit, we meet at night. Pastor Charles embraced me for a moment and then sat back in his chair and picked up his book.

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I went away from our conversation with a spring in my step, hopeful for the first time in a long time. However, my hope was quickly shattered that night after Jack came home. Jack, I ran you a bath. I also had made dinner, scrubbed the house, and put makeup on. It was a last ditch effort to try to get my husband back. Thanks. Christopher was already in bed, and I was going to try my best to warm up ours tonight. Would you like a glass of wine? I said sweetly. Are you trying to seduce me? Oh thats right, you only do that to men you arent married to, was his curt, cutting reply. I let my tears flow freely. Are you ever going to let this go? How long are we going to live like this? Only til this assignment is over, he barked. So are you saying its over between us? Jack glared at me angrily. Do you know what it is like working with the man you cheated on me with every day? It is constantly thrown in my face, and I cant do a single thing about it. I whispered in between my tears, Im sorry. Its my fault. I should have stayed teaching at Quantico and this would never have happened. Anger raged across Jacks face. Quantico? So you are blaming what you did on the fact that you dont teach anymore? Why dont you look in the mirror? Youre a slut and an embarrassment. The entire bureau knows what you did and how I am married to you. Do you know what its like to work with people laughing behind your back?

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Baby, please forgive me please. Did he want me on my knees? I was definitely willing. Jack continued with his rant, Its not enough that we are underpaid and underhonored, is it? No Ive worked for the bureau for almost twenty years, and Im practically broke with an adulterous wife! Shocked at his mention of money, I persisted, Weve never cared about money! It was always bringing down the bad guys and protecting the innocent. He seethed, Yeah, well what do you do when one of the bad guys ends up being your own wife? Huh? Wheres the honor in that? I want out, Sarah! I want out of here and away from you and away from the FBI! With that he slammed the bathroom door behind him, and I heard a few things shatter as he threw them against the bathroom wall. Utterly defeated, I ran out of the house. I had to get away. Walking down a narrow street, I heard the sound of music. Bright, uplifting music that was being sung in English. Curious, I followed the sound up a flight of dirty half-abandoned stairs and into a brightly lit room. It was filled with people singing. I stood at the doorway for a moment, not quite sure what to do. About three seconds later, I was greeted by Pastor Charles. You came! Come in and have a seat. Jubilation spread across his face as he walked me to a chair. Numbly I sat, face still full of tears. You never did tell me your name, Pastor Charles warmly said. I forgot to lie. Sarah uh scratch that my name is June, call me June middle name is Sarah. Okay, June, enjoy the service. Pastor Charles then walked behind a podium and opened a Bible. I sat riveted in my seat as he preached a

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sermon on how God allows certain things in our lives to happen so that we would draw closer to Him. I thought about what Pastor Charles was teaching, and it seemed to make sense. My mind thought briefly back to when I was with Armando and his family. I did attend a Catholic church with them, but only to go along with my assignment. As Pastor Charles spoke, the memory of my mom and the Easter service at St. Patricks swamped my heart. I softly began to sob. I understood now why she asked God to have mercy on her. I now needed some of my own. When the sermon was over, I walked as quickly as I could to the door. Pastor Charles beat me to it. June, I hope you come back, and please always remember that God loves you and He has a plan for your life. You just have to ask Him for it. I acknowledged what he said and left, walking quickly back home. It was very dangerous to walk around those streets at night. When I got home, Jack was sitting at the kitchen table. Where were you? he demanded. What do you care? You hate me anyway, I rebuffed. Who were you with? Jack stood up glaring at me. In defiance, I placed my hands on my hips. Whats that supposed to mean? What do you think it means? he shot back. Cliff is staying only a few blocks from here! Is that where you were? Broken hearted, I ran past him into our bedroom and into bed. I softly cried myself to sleep while Jack took post on the couch. The next day I was scheduled to work with Cliff as he brought the new shipment of American girls to me. They were being kept in a storage unit. When we arrived, it was barely dawn and fresh dew decorated the grass.

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So you stuffed the girls into these little unairconditioned units? I said angrily. Yep, then someone like you cleans them up and sells them for several thousand dollars. Cliff responded matter-of-factly. I cant believe you would do something like this. The horror of thinking about these young girls and what they were going through sent chills through my body. Not like you got much room to talk, Cliff spat out. I would never sell human beings! I answered, offended. Youre not much better than me, if thats what you think, Cliff said haughtily. And where do you get off saying something like that? I wasnt in the mood to fight, but he knew how to push my buttons. Not that it took much these days. We rambled out of the truck and started to walk down the aisle, looking at numbers on the units. I kept him just slightly in front of me, old habits die hard. Well, lets see, you act like youre all in love with me to get information. It turns out youre really married, and well we both know what you think about the wedding vows you took I didnt bother to let him finish. I reached over with one hand and clamped down on the pressure points just above his shoulder. All he could do was fall down to his knees. I couldnt do anything really interesting (I had to work with him), but the blinding pain I was causing him somehow just made me feel better. He grunted a little.

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I was holding back tears, but I wouldnt let him know that, I hate you, Cliff. I absolutly hate you. There are no words to describe how little I think about you. He raised a hand in mock surrender, and after I thought about it for a second, I let him go. He inhaled and I walked past, continuing to look at the numbers. I heard him get up. Alright, point taken. I was just saying, you lied just like me. You did what you had to do to get what you needed done, done. I still hated that we had to work together, but he understood that I wasnt going to take his lip service anymore than I had to. We found the unit in silence, and as he lifted the door, a soft rain begin to fall. Right on time to match my tears. The girls were huddled together, hugging each other and crying. They were dirty, stinky, and hungry. The stench of urination permeated my nose. How long have they been in here, Cliff? Only a couple of days. Usually its around a week. He said without a drop of remorse. I never saw myself as very maternal, even after Christopher was born, but the sight of these girls broke my heart. I wanted to gather each and every one of them into my arms and tell them it was going to be okay. I knew in my heart it was going to be okay, because after I cleaned them up, they werent going to be sold as slaves; they were going to be sent back home.

Back in Jersey

Two days later, I was sitting in the New Jersey airport with Christopher. The CIA was sending me back to the States ahead of Jack. I decided to visit New York and my sister Stacy, who had tried to contact me through

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Jack when I was in Sudan. I hadnt returned her phone calls because of being on assignment and then all the fighting with Jack after he found out about Cliff. Christopher and I rode a taxi into Manhattan where Stacy and her husband, Brian, had moved a few years ago. Sarah! Is that you? Who is this? Stacy greeted us as soon as we walked out of the taxi. My son Christopher. Say hi to your Aunt Stacy, Christopher. Stacy reached down and shook his hand. In his big boy voice he answered, Call me Chris. Stacy laughed, obviously overjoyed to see us. Yes sir, Chris! After I put away my suitcase and had lunch with her family, we decided to take a walk by ourselves to Central Park. Thank you, Sarah, for coming to see me, Stacy gushed. I was thrilled you called I thought I would never see you again, I said sincerely. Stacy stopped walking, put her hand on my shoulder, and turned me so I would face her. I need to apologize to you for my behavior. I was wrong and I am hoping that youll forgive me. You were forgiven, Stacy, before it ever happened. What happened was horrid and very hard to cope with. I know, I had to see a counselor at work for two years. The FBI made me, but Im glad they did. It really helped. We walked in silence for a few more minutes and then changed the subject to our children, husbands, and work. I didnt tell her about Jack; I was embarrassed and didnt want her to know. Plus, I was still of the

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mindset that I could fix things between us. Some how make it all go away. But we are all inclined to hold out hope prideful hope that we are wise enough to know how to get ourselves out of the pitiful messes we make of our lives. During our talk, I tried hard to connect with Stacy. You see, it was easy for me to connect with someone when I knew it was my job, and wasnt real. But, when it was real, I worried. Worried that my sister wouldnt accept me. Wouldnt like me. Would think that I hadnt accomplished enough in life. I had very few real relationships. Jack was one of them, but obviously I had screwed that up. Stacy, who I truly wanted a relationship with, terrified me. I was terrified that she wouldnt like me. As we passed the Alice in Wonderland bronze statue, I stared out at the beautiful leaves changing color that framed Central Parks allure. Stacy continued to talk and I listened while fighting fear of rejection. This was my chance to have family. We all want family. Every single one of us. I knew in my heart that God designed us to fit in to a family, but sometimes the people who are originally supposed to be our family decide to shirk the responsibility. And when that happens, we wander lost, feeling desolate till we join a group who fills in the vacant places. A group who we feel will protect us, love us, and keep us safe. A select group of people who will stand behind us and support our dreams. Many of us need surrogates, and whether we like it are not, we need to find a place to belong. After my mom died, I felt lost and unstable. I never felt welcome in my foster family, even though they tried. When I married the first time, well, I was looking for balance, for stability. However, I never found it there. Even with Jack, the love of my life, I still had a gaping hole in my heart. A hole I didnt know how to fill. This black hole would ultimately lead to my demise if I didnt find a way to fill it and become whole again. Sarah? Sarah are you alright? Stacy saying my name temporarily snapped me out of my self-loathing. Yes, I was just listening. I paused mustering up courage. Do you think that it would be alright if we visited Bill together? Stacy smiled. Yes, and Sarah, its ok to call him dad.

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Back in Cayman Ex-Agent Susan Pagers is back in the Cayman Islands. Well at least she was spotted there three days ago. I was sitting in a conference with the CIA, discussing our latest assignment. I was completely stoned after upping my pill dosage from seven to eight a day. Self-medication was the only way I was able to make it through my tumultuous days. The CIA was stationing me in Georgetown, Grand Cayman, to keep watch for my old friend Agent Sue, who ran off with my father Bills stolen millions. Since she was an FBI agent gone AWOL, they also had Jack on the case. He was going with me to Grand Cayman, and this time we were leaving Christopher with my sister Stacy in New York. I remember the brief time I had spent in Cayman before with my stepmom and had always longed to go back. I thought the fact that Jack had to come with me was God giving us yet another chance

Trying Hard to Make It Work Before our trip to Cayman, I went to the mall and bought every newest fashion, along with having my hair permed and fingernails lengthened. I purchased high-waisted jeans and several neon-colored tube tops. For fun I packed Jack several Hawaiian shirts and bright-colored swim shorts. I was determined to put my marriage back together, and in my mind, the Caribbean was the perfect place for the pieces to fall in place. He had been sleeping in the guest room for the past few weeks, but I had a plan to change all of that This place is spectacular! Jacks eyes widened as the taxi drove us to our condo and he received an eyeful of the beautiful beach. I had insisted that the CIA give us a place that faced Seven Mile beach, and when they saw I wasnt taking no for an answer, they conceded. Honey, I cant wait to show you around. I chatted excitedly.

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I could really use some surf and turf right now. Jack exclaimed as the taxi pulled up to the curb. Within an hour we were at a nice restaurant, and I told the waiter to keep the liquor flowing. Jack wasnt very good at holding down his alcohol, and I planned to take full advantage. When he was nice and loose, I paid the bill and we walked out of the restaurant and straight to the beach. It was a pretty and clear night with every star winking. We waded in the surf and Jack began to sing. Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum! Jack plopped down in the water and I joined him. Within seconds we were splashing each other and less than ten minutes later, we re-consummated our marriage. I was hoping for a pregnancy to seal the deal.

Admitting Defeat

And a pregnancy was what I got. Except according to the doctor, I was over two months along. I had been so consumed with everything else, I hadnt noticed my missed menstrual cycles. When Jack figured out the dates put me right in the middle of when I was in the Sudan with Cliff, we were back to square one. Jack sat on the couch, head in hands. How could you do this to me, Sarah? It still might be yours, Jack. I knew in my heart it probably wasnt, but I was willing to grab at falling straws. You know that it isnt. He began to sob harder. Im so stupid. I thought that this was over, that I could make it work. I got on my knees in front of him pleading. Baby, please, we can. I promise.

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At that moment, Jack looked at me with utter distain. A look that no one should ever have to receive from someone they love. It was that look that let me know it was over, that Jack had taken all that he could and had reached his limit. Still, I wanted to believe it could get better.

Where Is Sue? After another fitful night of sleep without Jack by my side, Agent Marks called us into an emergency meeting. We drove to the designated spot, which was in a luxury watch store in Georgetown. Agent Marks spotted us as soon as we walked in and motioned us to follow him into the back room. Theres been a bank robbery. We are positive it was Sue. She wasnt with her husband though. Agent Marks rattled off the dirty details. Has she completely lost her mind? This doesnt sound like Sue! I still wasnt over the fact that Sue had robbed my father Bill. But now shed held up a bank? Criminals get desperate, you know that, Jack replied stiffly. I need you two to find her before she leaves the Caymans. We have all the airports shut down and the boats are being monitored. She has to be on the island still. Agent Marks gave us a plan and we went to work. It was time for Jack and me to put our personal problems on the back burner.

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Chapter

26

Unbelievable
Three weeks later and still no sign of Sue. Jack and I kept our conversations on the case, and I hid all signs of my pregnancy. He was sleeping in the second bedroom of our condo and I didnt bother him. He had been going out at night and sometimes I smelled liquor on his clothes. I never said anything, but I decided to follow him one evening. I stayed up one night in my bedroom until I heard the front door close and quickly slipped out of bed. It was way past midnight, almost one. What was he doing? We had been riding mopeds around the island, but I didnt see him use his. He was walking down the sidewalk and close to the bushes. I crept down to see where he was going. A small, beat-up yellow car stopped while Jack looked around quickly and then got in. Memorizing the license plate, I ran back to our condo, hopped on the moped, and sped behind them. They didnt go too far. Some dingy motel. I was wearing a helmet and staying far behind. I watched as he and the other person got out of the car, while parking my moped and sneaking up closer. I still couldnt see anything, but it was definitely a woman. Jealousy and ire seaped through me. They walked down a hallway, and I watched as they sauntered into a room. Every fiber in me tingled, and the term outraged just didnt accurately describe the way I was feeling. Still, I reasoned in my mind that it was nothing, just a friend. Maybe another agent working on the case. How wrong I was. I crouched down under the windows and squinted to look through the blinds. I had a clear view. The woman had her hands all over my husband. When I caught a look at her face, my heart died. The woman was Sue Pagers. Too stunned to do anything, I blindly got back on my moped and went home. I sat on the couch and thought about what I saw. So did he find Sue and this is a ploy to bring her to justice? Is he sleeping with her? No, not Jack. Why didnt he tell me he found her? Is he working behind my back now? I couldnt come up with one good conclusion. As I heard the key in the lock, I jumped in bed and pulled the covers over my body. I heard him

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come to my bedroom door while I tried desperately to still the fervent beating of my anxiety-ridden heart. I listened to his heavy breathing and then as he turned and walked away. Not able to sleep, I tossed and turned, trying to figure out a solution. The next morning, Jack was sitting on the balcony. I decided to join him. So did you sleep well? I asked, not sure I wanted to hear his response. We need to talk, Sarah. He folded his paper and walked inside, expecting me to follow him. My heart leapt, this was it. He was going to tell me what was going on, and I am going to find out that I worried for no reason. I want a divorce, he stated, looking at me with a snake-like coldness. Did I hear correctly? Did he say the D word? What did you say? Is this some kind of joke? I asked, looking for wax in my ears with a forefinger. I dont love you anymore, Sarah. I am leaving Cayman and filing for divorce. He stood there staring at me, waiting for my response. I dont understand. Is this because you found Sue? You are busting her today and then divorcing me? My mind was racing, and I couldnt seem to collect my thoughts. In fact, I couldnt even speak coherently. He became enraged. What do you mean found Sue? How do you know about that? I was really confused. I saw you with her last night. I dont know why you didnt tell me you found her. I am still an agent on this case. But, regardless, I dont want a divorce. Jack sighed. I filed before we came on this trip, Sarah. You were going to be served when we got back. His words hit me like clay bricks in

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the head. No, actually, someone throwing bricks at my head would have felt better. Youre joking, right? You cant mean that! What about our son? I pleaded my case. You are carrying another mans baby. I am a joke at work, and you should have thought about your son before you decided to whore around! Jack screamed at me, spittle spewing out of his mouth. I saw Sues arms around you last night! I didnt see you resisting in the name of marriage! Have you slept with her? Is that why she let you in her room? Because you would do anything for an arrest? My entire body was shaking, and somehow I felt like I deserved everything I got. If he had slept with her, I deserved it. I deserved every bit of brutality he served. Im tired of working for the government. The way he said that statement struck a cord within me. Like striking a match and watching the fire light up the stick. It finally dawned on me what he was up to. I couldnt believe it. I just couldnt believe it. This wasnt happening. I get it now. Youve hooked up with Sue. Thats why we havent been able to find her. Youve been hiding her and plan on running off with the money. I knew as I said the words that there was no going back and also that I was one hundred percent correct. You were never a dummy, Sarah. He then turned and walked out the door. I debated what to do. I knew my marriage was over, and this time I couldnt deny it. There was no candy coating this. I also knew that I was now in danger. Sue knew where I was, and as soon as he told her I figured it out, she would be after me. I called Agent Marks and told him all. Get out of there, Sarah, right now. Leave, take your gun, your passport, and just leave, Agent Marks emphatically insisted.

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Can this really be happening? I muttered into the phone. There is no time to think, Sarah. Get out now. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse and gun, and jumped on my moped. Trying to gather my thoughts, I drove to the center of Georgetown and waited until Marks sent an agent to get me. As I sat on a park bench, I spotted Jack and Sue. They were dressed like tourists, with hats and sunglasses, but I knew it was them. I jumped up, ran over in front of them, and pointed my gun. Everyone else screamed and ran while Jack threw up his hands. Sue glared at me. Nice to see you again, Sarah, Sue hissed. How could you, Sue? You stole from my father and now youre trying to take my husband? I allowed hate to take over my trampled soul. I didnt steal your husband, Sarah. You gave him to me when you slept with another man. Oh, and congratulations on your pregnancy. Contempt oozed from her disgusting mouth. I looked at Jack. So you are running off with a criminal? You are divorcing me because I made one mistake, but you are throwing your life away by becoming what you have tried so hard to stop? A thief, Jack! You have become a thief!

Ive fallen in love with Sue. I dont want to be with you anymore. Our love died a long time ago. You had to get me drunk just to touch you again. As far as the FBI is concerned, who cares? I put in my time, I want out, Ive wanted out for years, I almost lost my life As Jack told his side of the story, I realized that I had broken him. My infidelity had broken him. He couldnt take the embarrassment at work of everyone knowing what I had done. And my pregnancy, well that was just icing on the cake. I pointed my gun at Sues head.

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Youre under arrest, Susan Pagers. I am taking you in. Jack, come over here by me. We can fix this. I kept my gun steady aimed right between her lying, stealing, manipulative eyes. Jack spoke first, No, Sarah, I love her. Let me go. Sue interjected, Tell her the truth, Jack. Tell her how long we have been together. My stomach began to hurt. I looked at Jack. What is she talking about? Nothing, Sarah, nothing at all. Jack began to walk toward me and I waved my gun at him. I heard running, and I knew the Cayman police were on their way. Sue grinned like the Joker at me. Back in California, when we were sleeping in the same bed, that wasnt all we were doing. You see, Jack and I were together in college, then I ran off and married someone else. Later, we reconnected in the FBI. But no worries, Sarah, he was faithful to you until just recently. And by the way, he is coming with me. No hes not! Out of hatred, spite, malice, revenge, and all the other bad things, I shot her. Killed her on purpose. Jack yelped and jumped on top of her. How could you? I started to aim for him, but the police got there before I had a chance. While they were making an arrest and trying unsuccessfully to revive Sue, I slipped away. I walked for hours aimlessly through alleyways and streets. What are you going to do now, Sarah? How did this happen? You just killed another person on purpose. Youre a murderer. You ran your husband into the arms of another woman. Youre pregnant with a crazy mans baby. More morbid thoughts bashed themselves against my head as I tried to think myself out of this bottomless pit I had dug for myself. I was in a grave, dead, tired, and with no way out. I wished someone would nail shut the coffin door and put me out of my misery. Utterly dejected, I heard familiar uplifting music coming from around the corner. Thoughts of Pastor Charles came to mind. As I walked further, I saw where the music was coming from. It was a childrens choir

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performing for a small audience in a courtyard. The children appeared happy and carefree. Wishing I was one of them, I began to sing along. What will make me whole again nothing but the blood of Jesus. As the chorus escaped my lips, I began to sob. Clutching my stomach, I leaned against the alleyway wall and slid down until my backside hit cement. Pastor Charles words about me having a heavenly Father reverberated through my mind. I pulled my knees into my chest and lowered my head. I let my prayer flow freely. God, I messed up bad. I need Your forgiveness. I need Your help. Please help me out of this mess.

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Part 5 Life # 5 The Priscilla Stone Case

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Chapter

27

Operation Red Head

All over the world, children are dying No, Sarah, that sounds so clich. Cant you think of something a little less melodramatic? I scratched out the line in my notebook, prepared to stay up all night. My pastor asked me to take over the Tuesday night womens Bible study at church, and tomorrow would be my first time teaching it. What the heck could I say to women? I poured myself yet another cup of coffee and sat down. It had been three years since my divorce from Jack, and our daughter Lauren, who I named after my mom, is two and a half. And yes, I said ours. A paternity test revealed that Lauren was indeed Jacks. We had to have gotten pregnant the night before I left for the Sudan. As far as Susan Pagers is concerned, her death is a shut-and-closed case of self-defense in the line of duty. I was too chicken to tell Agent Marks the truth, and it probably wouldnt matter. The CIA and FBI were going to protect their own, and they did not want to hear the dirty details. Christopher is seven, and my father Bill was released from jail about a year ago. I quit my pill addiction and decided to concentrate on my children. We all live together with my father Bill in Manhattan near my sister Stacy

Still up? Bill padded in the kitchen with the new bathrobe and slippers ensemble I bought him for Fathers Day. Im too nervous to sleep. I cant figure out what to say to the women tomorrow, I answered honestly.

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Start by telling them your testimony. Bill had given his life to Christ about a year and a half ago while he was in prison and is now golf buddies with our pastor. I cant tell them the full story. I am still technically an agent. Ive just been given an extended leave of absence. I didnt actually know if I would ever get called back to duty again, but I sincerely doubted it. Suit yourself. Bill took his milk and cookies to his bedroom and shut the door. My father still had plenty of legitimate money in the bank when he was indicted. In the divorce, Patty took half, but that still left Bill with quite a bit. It afforded me the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. Jack was also very timely on his child support every month. I tried not to think of Jack too often. After being released from the FBI, he used his education degree to take a teaching job in New Jersey. He was asked to quietly resign by Agent Marks, who respected him, and the bureau, not wanting the scandal of an agent going to jail, happily took his resignation. Jack came over every other weekend to take the kids to Central Park. We almost never looked each other in the eyes, and last time he was here, he brought his new girlfriend. A fellow teacher. Of course, I absolutely couldnt stand her. But, I had had my chance with him and he wasnt about to give me another. Hi ladies! As many of you already know, my name is Sarah Higgins, and I am taking Janices place as the womens Bible study teacher. Janice has decided that God is taking her in a different direction. I paused, waiting to see what kind of reaction I was going to get from my small crowd of about fifteen women. All poker faces. I continued. I would like you to open your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13 I proceeded to teach a lesson on how to show other people Gods love. I felt like a hypocrite teaching this I was the blind leading the blind. Afterwards, a few ladies came up to talk to me, giving me their pats on the back. I felt like crawling in a hole. So much so that when I got home I crawled in bed, curled up, and pulled the covers over my head. I liked being an undercover agent much better. The next morning I received my chance at redemption.

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Good News! Sarah telephone! Bill shouted, obviously exasperated it wasnt for him. He had a full retirement schedule that included golf, cards, and old people cruises to Europe. Hello? This is Sarah. Very few people called me, so I was already assuming it was Jack or his stupid new girlfriend Jill. Isnt that clever? Jack and Jill. How are you, Sarah? This is Agent Marks. His familiar gruff voice was music to my ears. Im fine. Sorry about your wife Jack told me. His wife had died almost three years ago from cancer, shortly after I took a leave of absence. I should have attended the funeral, but I knew Jack would be in the room and I was too bent out of shape about the divorce at the time to get anywhere near him. Thank you. I appreciate your concern Now how soon can you meet? His natural professionalism was a welcome relief because I knew it meant I was back on assignment. When, where? I didnt bother to hide my enthusiasm. He gave me the time and place and I hung up the phone with a newfound joy. YEAH!!!!! I jumped up in the air and spun around. Bill and Lauren came to see what the commotion was about. Christopher was in school. Whats going on, Sarah? Bill looked at me from behind his reading glasses. That was Agent Marks. He needs me. I hadnt smiled this much since I found out Lauren was Jacks daughter.

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Congratulations, Sarah. I was beginning to think it was time for you to move on. Bill drew me into a hug. Okay, I need to call Jack and see if he can take Christopher and Lauren. I happily dialed his number. Bill interjected, What am I, chopped liver? I can take care of them too. Why dont you and Jack work out some type of arrangement? I let the phone ring. Jill picked up. Scowling, I asked for Jack. Well, tell him to call me as soon as he can. Its important. I couldnt seem to keep it together around her. I tried hard at first, but then I just gave up. I know she probably thought I was the Wicked Witch of the West. But I really didnt care. My next phone call was to my pastor, Greg Beals, to let him know what was going on. Ditching teaching the Tuesday night bible study was music to my heart, but not to my pastors ears. However, he assured me he would find a suitable replacement.

A Second Chance Well lets see I havent been doing much at all, just raising my children, going to church, and playing golf with my dad. I rattled off the contents of the last few years of my life. I hadnt seen Agent Marks in over two years now. Im glad you found God, Sarah. My wife and I prayed for you and Jack, Agent Marks stated bluntly. His words took me by surprise. I didnt know you were a Christian. Youve never said anything before, I mused, elated to know these details about the usually elusive Agent Brady Marks.

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My job is to stay aloof as your boss and handling agent. We arent supposed to get personal. Though I am the one who helped Jack find the pastor to marry you two in Mexico. Agent Marks chuckled to himself remembering the day. It was now a painful memory to me. He continued. Well, to tell you the truth, my wife and I didnt start attending church till she became sick when death is upon you, thoughts of Am I right with God? began to flood your heart. Curious, I probed, So what happened? Still guarded, Agent Marks only gave me a glimpse. Christine, thats my wifes name, when she was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, she wanted to make her peace with God. So, we started attending a nearby church, and well, we invited Jesus into our hearts and home. Anxious to get back on topic, I interrupted his thoughts. So what is my next assignment? Pittsburg. We have received tips that there are a group of radicals wanting to bomb state and insurance buildings. And what is my job? I donned my most serious expression. The person we believe is behind this movement is a woman name Priscilla Stone. She is single and around your age. The bureau thought that you would be a perfect match to get on her good side. She have any kids? I asked, already trying to formulate a plan in my head. None, though she has been divorced twice. She has a boyfriend now, who I believe she plans on heading to the altar with for the third time. He has three kids with two former flames, one being an ex wife. His name is Jeb Darks, and we believe he is helping her head up a consulting business that is funding this silly movement.

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So what is the movement about? I wondered. The legalization of marijuana and the abuse of HMOs and our health care system and so forth. What does marijuana have to do with HMOs? I had a hard time connecting the dots. Supposedly it can be used for medicinal purposes. This group apparently doesnt care that it is illegal for a reason. So when do I start? I was ready for action. Two weeks. Get your house in order; this may take up to eight or so months. Agent Marks stood up, shook my hand, and I turned on my heels and left. My joy was contagious and I couldnt wait to rub it in Jacks face. I know, how very Christian of me. But God knows Im a work in progress.

Priscilla Stone's Assistant

Hi! My name is Samantha Thompson, and I am here to interview for the position of Priscilla Stones assistant. Priscilla just recently needed a new assistant since the last one quit. The FBI paid her handsomely to resign and relocate out of state. She agreed to testify later if needed. Yes, come in, Samantha. Ms. Stone wants to interview you herself. It will be about ten minutes. She is on a phone call. The pretty blond secretary pursed her rum raisin lips and scratched her head with long mauve nails.

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I waited patiently, and then fifteen minutes later I was ushered in to Ms. Stones office. I wasnt prepared for how gorgeous and completely likeable she was. At a thin five foot eight, she was a knockout, with a long flowing mane of very red hair and big bright green eyes. She was very intimidating and I felt like a shadow in her presence. I could tell she knew she was beautiful and well-liked. Priscilla gave a very firm handshake and waited for me to seat myself. Your resume looks immaculate. So why did you leave the Parsons Brothers? I hear they are an excellent company to work for. She got right to the point. No tea and biscuits first. I wrung my hands nervously and purposely appeared to be somewhat distraught. I just went through a divorce and my ex works there. He cheated on me, and the entire company knows about it. I wanted out, a new start. She smiled at me with a well-worn nod of knowing exactly how I felt. I understand. I know what you are going through. She looked at my resume again and then back at me. I gave her a look, communicating that I was a bruised and battered mouse who you could easily push over. I was a woman who she wanted, even needed, to gather under her wings of wisdom. My long flowery skirt and matching blouse that was buttoned to the top completed the effect I had on her. She looked me over with sympathy in her eyes. Can you start tomorrow? Home Sick I missed Christopher and Lauren and Jack was sick of my phone calls. Could I really make it several months without seeing my kids? I told you, Sarah, they are okay. And yes, they are getting along fine with Jill. Jacks exasperated voice made me want to push harder. I was still mad at him. For what reason, I had no idea. Its not like I was the innocent party.

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Tell your girlfriend not to get too attached. Bitterness laced my words. I was going to talk to you about that at a more opportune time, but seeing that you may be gone for a while I stopped him mid-sentence. Spit it out, what are you trying to say? He took a deep breath. I asked Jill to marry me. We are going to marry in a couple of months. What? You cant marry her! Shes Shes I couldnt think of an appropriate word. My hurt ran deep and his declaration of affection for Jill drove the pain of rejection deeper. Why not, Sarah? You dont even know her. Youve never given her a chance. Jack hated being bullied by me, but what did I care? It was still ingrained in my head that he was my man. She was the enemy and the home wrecker, not me. Jacks voice softened, You still care about me dont you? Dead silence. I had been caught. Better to say nothing at all than the wrong thing. Sarah? Are you still there? Jack probed. Im still here. More silence. I refused to give away any more information. He continued, There is too much water under the bridge between us. You know that. For the first time in a long time I heard the old Jack. The man I originally fell in love with.

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I know. Its over. Im sorry. Marry Jill. Good luck. With that I hung up, dialed another number, and ordered a very large and very cheesy pizza. Extra tip if the delivery driver stops by the store and picks me up a gallon of Rocky Road.

Jeb Darks I spent the next several weeks working hard as Priscilla Stones assistant while collecting information for the case. She was warm toward me, but kept a purposeful wall between us. I often saw her with her boyfriend, Jeb Darks. He was very tall like her with dark, practically black hair and hazel eyes. Jeb had brown skin, and I suspected he had Hawaiian roots. He was always well-groomed and preppy and said hello to me. However, behind closed doors, I suspected a different story. On several occasions, after he left her office, she refused to take appointments or phone calls. One day when he was in there I put my ear up against the thick oak door. No one else was around and I was able to hear clearly. Why are you so unsupportive? Jebs baritone was thick and demeaning. I just think that this obsession you have with insurance companies has gotten out of hand. Maybe you should reassess your priorities. I could tell Priscilla was trying to keep calm. Jeb exploded. You are such an idiot! I need to reprioritize? Youre the one who needs to get some sense in that stupid head of yours! Youre supposed to be my partner! Youre the one who said you would stand by me! I heard Priscilla burst into tears. I do love you! I do! But do you really think that hurting other people is going to stop greedy rich men? Youre just another spineless, worthless woman! I should have known better than to trust you! No wonder youve been through two divorces! Nobody wants you and now I know why! I heard Jeb turn and

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walk toward the door. I quickly returned to my seat and pretended to type something. Jeb strolled easily out the door, acting as if he didnt have a care in the world. Good night, Samantha. Good night, Mr. Darks I said nonchalantly, pretending to be engrossed in typing a letter. After he left I knocked on Priscillas door. Ms. Stone? I heard Priscilla sniffle. What is it? I opened the door and poked my head in. There was a wad of rolled up tissue by her left elbow, and her bright green eyes had turned a dull gray. I was wondering if you knew anywhere around here where a girl could get a double martini? Priscilla laughed. How about I take you there myself?

Girls Night Out We graced an old beat-up warehouse-turned-bar with our presence. Mony, Mony by Billy Idol was screaming over the loudspeakers, and I watched as a group of red-Mohawk-wearing, chain-clad, rebellious twenty-year olds danced. Priscilla didnt seem to notice and dragged me to the bar. Hey, Marty, can you get me and my friend here the usual? Priscilla still seemed downcast but a little more hopeful. I was surprised she knew the bartenders name.

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So do you come here a lot? I asked. Jeb hates this place, so I come here when I need to hide out. She grabbed the blue fizzy drinks from the bar and handed me one. I almost choked when I drank it. What is in this thing? I asked, wiping my mouth with a cocktail napkin. Priscilla laughed, easily amused. The only thing I know is that after two of them, all your troubles go away. Three blue fizzy drinks later and I was dancing with a man that looked like Sid Viciouss evil cousin. Priscilla eventually dragged me back to the bar, and I had another drink waiting for me, something peach colored. Hey, lets get out of here you want something to eat? Priscilla shouted loudly, trying to be heard over the blaring, dark, troublesome sounds permeating the room. Yeah! A burger sounds great right now! I gulped down my drink in three swallows and we hit the door. Three blocks later we were sitting in a dive with ripped plastic orange chairs and wobbly Formica-topped tables. The grease-stained puke green walls completed the look. Their bar menu offered everything fattening. I can honestly say that I never imagined you as the new age punk rocker type. I hungrily and sloppily stuffed hot greasy fries in my mouth. Yes, executive by day crazy woman by night. We both laughed at her comment, but two burger bites later, the mood turned serious. Thanks for coming out with me, Samantha, I needed a break. She sucked on her soda thoughtfully.

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I decided to take a chance while she was inebriated, and I was too drunk to care about staying professional. I heard you and Jeb fighting. Is everything alright? My words were like magic. She broke down into a full sob. I hate him! I absolutely hate him! Hes a monster and Im scared of him. What? Are you serious? What is going on? She had my full attention. Hes a maniac with all of these psycho ideas. I dont know what I was thinking Priscilla trailed off, getting a faraway look in her eyes. Like what? By this time, I had thrown all caution to the wind. I just want someone to love me. Is that so wrong? Im tired of being alone She tried hard to hold in the tears. I nodded in agreement and before I thought about the repercussions of what I was saying, it came out. Im still in love with my ex husband. Priscilla sniffed. You are? I thought that dirty rat cheated on you. I let loose with no regard whatsoever. What the heck did they put in those fizzy drinks anyway? He did! But after he found out that I had an affair! Im the dirty rat! Priscilla gasped. You? Sweet little you who wears church clothes and is polite as can be? Im a horrible, horrible person! I deserved the divorce and now hes getting married again! I wailed. Have you told him how you feel? Maybe you two can work it out? Priscilla went from self-pity to concerned best friend.

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But hes going to think Im an idiot! I cant tell him! I blew my nose into a paper napkin. Waiter, could you bring us two shots of tequila right now please? Hurry! Priscillas authorative voice boomed. I continued to babble. I love him and I cant help it! Priscilla joined in. I love Jeb too! But I cant help him destroy other peoples lives! My tears immediately dried up. What are you talking about? Priscilla realized she had slipped. Nothing serious, just some stupid project hes got going The waiter dropped off the two tequila shots, and we quickly downed them. Priscilla stood up. I need to take you home. Fifteen minutes later she had the taxi in front of my apartment. I stumbled out of the car, sick to my stomach and ready for bed. Her last words to me were, Call him now, Samantha, while you have the chance. I decided in my drunken stupor that those were pearls of wisdom and I should immediately take her advice. I barely had the door closed behind me when I woke Jack up with my three am phone call. Whats going on, Sarah? Is everything okay? Jacks worried voice caressed my ears and weak heart. I need to talk to you now. I tried hard not to slur my words.

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What is it? Are you in danger? Jack was now fully awake. I love you. I belted out the words almost in song. Are you drunk? was my beloveds response. Dont marry Jill, marry me! I declared my intentions with vigor and enthusiasm. I cant believe you are calling me drunk on an undercover assignment in the middle of the night to tell me not to marry my fiance. Jacks scorn came raging through the phone. My hopes dashed, I tried one final desperate attempt. But I love you and you love me. We are meant to be together! Its my fault we arent, and I take full responsibility. I do love you, Sarah, but as the mother of my children. I am marrying Jill in the fall and that is final. Sleep it off. Jack hung up and I passed out crying. The next morning I awoke with a splitting headache, fully clothed, and reeking of sweat and cigarette smoke. I stumbled into the shower, and two minutes later I remembered my phone call to Jack. I cant believe I called him! Whats wrong with me? What did you think, Sarah, that he was going to jump on a plane and fly immediately over here? Marry you tomorrow and let bygones be bygones? I was grateful it was Saturday and I didnt have to go into work. I couldnt look at myself in the mirror and I wanted to sleep the day away. I crawled into bed and noticed my Bible sitting on the nightstand. I randomly opened it and read the first scripture my eyes fell on. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Great. Morbid and a tad bit scary. There has to be something else in here After a few minutes of flipping pages, I decided to read the entire

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gospel of John before drifting back to sleep. When I woke up my headache was gone and my mood was lighter. I was certain full restoration would involve prayer. God, I did something stupid. Real stupid. Got drunk, called Jack, well You know the whole story. Anyway, Im sorry and I am asking You to please help me get over Jack My heartfelt prayer was interrupted by a phone call. It was Agent Marks wanting to meet. I jumped in my car and quickly drove forty minutes to a suburbia flea market. I stayed at the back of the parking lot until I saw a blue Mustang pull up beside me. Agent Marks jumped in. Nice wheels, I commented. Its a rental, but yeah, I like it. Agent Marks smiled and I noticed that his thick mustache had been shaven off and his salt and pepper hair was now a full medium brown. So, new look? I decided to poke fun. Hey, well so anyway, Jack called me concerned. Want to tell me whats going on? My face turned bright, bright red. There was no hiding my embarrassment. That wasnt going to stop me from trying though. No, not at all. Okay, so I found something out pertinent to the case. Agent Marks laughed. Nice change of subject, so what did you learn? Jeb Darks is our man. Priscilla knows what is going on, but she wants out. She doesnt want to go through with it. I rattled off our conversation, leaving out the part about my nervous breakdown. So do you think she would work with us to bring him down? Or do you think she would stick by his side? Agent Marks asked, eagerness in his eyes.

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Im not sure yet. I need to befriend her more before I can give you a definite. I need to get her away from Jeb for a couple of days. Shes afraid of him and if I can change her environment, she may loosen up, I suggested. What do you propose? Agent Marks asked suspiciously. That I suddenly win a cruise for two suite only please, I said confidently. Let me see what I can do. Agent Marks paused and then changed direction. So what are you doing tonight? Uh, sleeping? Why? I tried to figure out where he was going with this. Theres a cinema down the street that serves beer and burgers. We could catch a flick and a pitcher of beer. Im not too worried about Jeb or Priscilla seeing us way out here. Agent Marks didnt really ask, he assumed I was going. Jack put you up to this, didnt he? He thinks Im going nuts. I shook my head. I deserved it the way I had acted on the phone. Jack probably thought I had lost my mind. Lets just say a movie may help get your mind off things. I started the car and other than Agent Marks giving me directions, we were silent. I was silently fuming. We sat in the near-empty theater and waited for the beer. The movie didnt start for a good half hour, but we couldnt figure out anything else to see. I was still a little mad about Jack calling Marks and decided that I now had the right to be sharp.

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So, now that we are dating, can I call you by your first name, Brady? I said with a cynical tone. No, because I would never date you, bit back Agent Brady Marks. That actually stung a little bit. Why not? Youve dyed your hair and fixed yourself up isnt it time you started dating? His reaction made me realize that I had crossed the line. Listen up, Sarah. I am still your superior. You do not have a right to talk to me like that. I am trying to be a friend right now and show you kindness by giving you the night off. I dont have to. Matter of fact, we should just leave right now. He started to stand and I began to profusely apologize. He sat back down and the beer came. After the movie we walked back to the car and I decided to see if I could evoke anymore sympathy out of Marks. I really appreciate you spending time with me. I did need it, Im a little bummed. Laurens birthday is this upcoming weekend, and I really miss my kids. I know you do. Arent Jeb and Priscilla taking a trip to Vegas next Friday? he inquired. Yeah, they wont be back till Monday night, I said. Then how about early Saturday morning you take the weekend to see your kids? You have to be back Sunday night, he said thoughtfully. Really? Thank you so much! I shrieked and without thinking I hugged him. He held me longer than he should have. By the way, I would date you, he said, looking me squarely in the eyes.

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I gasped. Wha what? He let me go and I took a step back, not sure what to make of this new development. I Im not sure what to say I fumbled for the right words, but none were coming. Look, Im sorry. It just came out. Forgive me, he replied, and his countenance showed a soft side that I had never seen before. Unfortunately, I decided to manipulate this situation to my advantage. I had a fleeting thought that I could use this to make Jack jealous and win him back. So I kissed Agent Brady Marks. Not briefly, but a full-on mouthto-mouth with all the works. He finally caught his breath and held me at arms length. Then he got a case of the potty mouth. I cant believe that was wonderful! I know Im about fifteen years older but we can make this work. My kids are grown, and I adore Christopher and Lauren. His eyes shone and a clown smile graced his face. Im as shocked as you are! I said honestly. His happy face turned dark. Sarah, listen to me. Im not into playing games. Im about to retire in a few years, Im a widower, and Im sincerely looking for someone to settle down with. Why me? I asked, curious to know if this was planned or off the cuff. He smiled warmly. Truth be known, Ive always respected you and been very fond of you. Youre like family. Not very romantic, I know, but I promise Ill grow on you. Plus, Sarah, you are easy on the eyes. It was a weird feeling having Agent Marks flirt with me.

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Come with me this upcoming weekend please! I begged. I wanted Jack to see me on his arm when we got together to celebrate Laurens birthday. He kissed me on the forehead. I wouldnt miss it for the world.

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Chapter

28

Dating the Boss

Youre dating Agent Marks? Is this some kind of joke? Jack hissed in my ear while the kids were trying to hit the donkey-shaped piata with a blue plastic toy bat. I was leaning against the large oak it was hanging from, trying to stay in the shade. Excuse me? What do you care? Youre getting married, I said nonchalantly secretly thrilled he was acting this way. I glanced toward the house where Jill and Agent Marks were sitting chatting on the back porch. We had thrown together a quick party for Lauren with some of her friends at Jacks house. Jack leaned in closer, his breath hot on my neck. Are you in love with him? I pushed him away. Thats none of your business, Jack. We are over, remember? I have a right to date whomever I wish. My heart was beating with excitement over Jacks annoyance. It was obvious he couldnt stand this latest development in my love life. Agent Marks walked over to where we were and asked if he could speak to me for a minute inside the house. I followed him inside to the kitchen, wondering what was going on. Once the door slammed behind us, he turned and faced me. I guess you think Im stupid, dont you? he hissed between closed teeth.

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No, what are you talking about? I really was confused. He put his face in mine. I will not be made a fool of. Im a good man, Sarah, and you would be lucky to have someone like me. I am not a toy to be dangled in front of your ex-husband as bait to get him back. I didnt bother to deny it. Id known Agent Marks for a long time, and he was no dummy. I should have known better. Youre right, Im sorry. Yes, you are. Too sorry to see a good thing when its standing right in front of you. I would have been good to you, Sarah. Faithful, loyal, gentle, and tender. But too bad you are too blind to see that. Agent Marks walked out the door and began to politely tell Jack and Jill that he had business to take care of and it was time for him to leave. I stood in the doorway watching, feeling ashamed and dead inside. I was appalled at my immaturity and devastated at Agent Marks words. He was a good thing and I knew it. Why cant you just let the past go with Jack? Let it go, Sarah! Grow up! As Agent Marks walked to his car, I suddenly had an epiphany. Brady! Brady! I ran through the back gate and down the driveway to his car parked in front of the mailbox. He turned. What is it, Sarah? The grim reaper had a happier face then the one he was carrying. Real tears fell from my cheeks. Im such an idiot! Please forgive me. I want to be with you. Please, Im serious. I dont know what I was thinking My speech was interrupted by his mouth. It was at that moment I fell in love with Agent Brady Marks at least I thought so.

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A Cruise

Monday I walked into the office like I was on on cloud nine. I practically danced into Priscillas office with her cup of coffee. Good morning! I was so excited I was shaking. Ive never seen you this happy, whats going on? Priscilla looked at me quizzically. You will never believe what happened to me last night! I gushed. What? Tell me quick, Im very impatient. Priscilla had laughter in her eyes. I won a cruise for two to the Virgin Islands! I practically screamed. What? How? When? Congratulations! Priscilla jumped out of her seat and hugged me. She really was a sweetheart. Well, I had been playing bingo with this group at the YMCA anyway to make a long story short, there was a grand prize of a cruise for two, and I won! I jumped up and down in excitement to get her to forget about the already fuzzy details I had given her. When is it? she asked. I have to go by the end of next month is that okay? Can I go? I asked, looking slightly demure and downcast. Of course, dont be silly! she assured me.

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Its for two people, and I have no one to go with me. Will you come? I gave her my best droopy puppy dog eyes. Umm well I dont know She stammered unsure how to answer and not wanting to let me down. Please? Itll be fun! Just us girls, they are giving me a suite, so there will be plenty of room! I pleaded. Well, I dont see why not. Ive never been on a cruise. Ill have to sneak past Jeb though Ill help you talk to him.

Back in Miami Three weeks later, Priscilla and I were in Miami waiting to get onboard the cruise ship. When I saw Miami beach, my heart dropped. Memories of my relationship with Armando and how it ended enveloped my mind. I tried to push them away, but they refused to leave. Priscilla was in such a good mood, she didnt notice my panic attack. Wound up, she chatted away and insisted we grab lunch on the beach before boarding. When the taxi passed where Patsys used to be, it took everything in me to hold back the tears. It was now a Chinese restaurant. All-you-can-eat buffet for $7.99. The taxi stopped in front of an outside bistro, and while Priscilla was ordering lunch, I excused myself to the ladies room. I crammed myself inside a sweaty-smelly stall and sat on the toilet pulling my legs up and cradling myself. I let the tears flow freely. My heart was beating nonstop and fear was screaming in my ear, MURDERER! MURDERER! In between sobs, I chocked out a prayer. God, please help me. Please, I cant take this. Im sorry I killed Armando, Im sorry about Sue, too. You know if I tried to tell the FBI the truth they would still cover it up. They dont really care if criminals are killed They only care about their reputation Im sorry

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I cried a few minutes more and then got up and washed my face before Priscilla came looking for me. I felt better after praying and had the strength to actually walk out the bathroom door looking normal. Is everything okay? Priscilla asked, still in a state of euphoria. Oh, yeah, just needed to freshen up. So what did you get us? I asked. Two Ruebens with chips and pickles. She was already halfway through her pickle. On the taxi ride to the cruise terminal, I decided to focus my attention on superficial conversation with Priscilla and not look at the beach. After standing in line for two hours waiting to board, we ran to look at our suite like two kids in a candy store. Can you believe how big this ship is? Ive never seen anything like this before! Oh my gosh! Look at our room! It has a balcony overlooking the ocean! We went on like this for the next hour while unpacking our suitcases. Priscilla ran up on deck, and I told her I would meet her in a few minutes. I was supposed to check in with Agent Marks when we got on board. Hey, sweetie, were here. Priscillas on deck and Im obviously in our room, I told my new love. I have a surprise for you later, Agent Marks said quietly.

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I cant wait to get it! I answered, enthused and in a much better mood than I was a few hours ago. We hung up and I thought back to the past couple of weeks. Almost every night Agent Marks and I secretly met. We werent really supposed to, and I was surprised he was willing to break protocol, but he had been with the bureau for over thirty years. Only the director could pull rank on him and I dont think Agent Marks was too concerned. Brady reiterated to me several times that he wanted to make sure we built our relationship on truth and trust. Sometimes we prayed together, and he talked about how when this assignment was over, he wanted us to attend church together. Things were moving fast, and it was a little scary. His retirement plans made me feel a bit old. Still, he was extremely attentive, and that was something I did like. I also needed stability, and he offered that. I hadnt forgotten about Jack, but he was beginning to become a distant memory. Time with Priscilla Did you see the size of the buffet? Priscilla gushed over the ice sculptures and cantaloupe carvings at the midnight buffet. We had spent the entire evening dancing, and both of us were ravenous. I filled my plate with several selections of hors doeuvres and even a few desserts. I was paranoid of weight gain, but figured I had earned a few calories in the disco. I watched as Priscilla stuffed her mouth with quesadillas and ice cream. Im so glad you invited me! I cant wait till we get to the islands. Me neither. I was thinking about snorkeling in St. Thomas, I suggested. Thatll work for me! Ive never been. She sucked on her diet coke, trying desperately to wash down the plate of fattening foods she had just inhaled. I had never seen her eat like this before. I wondered if

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something was wrong. Nah! Just excited about the cruise I thought. How entirely wrong I was going to be.

Indecent Proposal? Finally, at two am, we crawled into our beds exausted from our big day. I stared at the ceiling for a while until I heard Priscillas rhythmic breathing, and then I donned a robe and carefully stepped outside. Something wasnt right. I could feel it. I jumped on an elevator and rode to the Lido Deck, where they had twenty-four-hour coffee and pizza. I had to figure this out. When the elevator doors opened, a man in a Porters uniform with the hat drawn down over his face was standing there. He walked on quickly and purposefully blocked me from getting out. Fear rose up and my heart began to palpitate while my hands sweated preparing to fight. The man looked my way as my heart jumped. I pushed him back into the elevator wall with the palms of my hands plastered on his chest. Are you crazy? You scared the living daylights out of me? I said sternly in a high-pitched voice to Agent Marks. He laughed. Sorry, my love, but we cant get caught. What are you doing here? I gasped. Im your surprise! He reached down and kissed me as the elevator lurched. I fell easily into his arms. Ill explain in a minute. Lets just get somewhere where we can talk, Agent Marks said in hushed tones. When the elevator door reopened, it appeared we were on the bottom floor. Where are we? I whispered.

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This is where the staff sleeps. I have my own room, he responded, looking around carefully. I followed him silently until we reached his room #309. It was tiny with no window and one twin-size bed. They dont give you much, do they? I commented slightly angry. It had always perturbed me if I felt someone else was being slighted. I guess we cant all have suites like you, Ms. Higgins, he replied warmly with laughter in his beautiful dark brown eyes with flecks of silver and gold. I guess not. So what are you doing here? I asked. Did you really think you were going on board this ship by yourself with a potentially dangerous criminal? He crossed his arms over his chest, obviously amused at my blatant arrogance. So is that the only reason? I twinkled my tired eyes at him. He kissed my nose gently. I dont think I could have lived a week without seeing my fiances beautiful face. After the words came out, he caught himself, and we both stared at each other dumbfounded, not knowing what else to say. He decided to explain himself. Well, I guess the cats out of the bag, Sarah. He paused inhaling deeply. I have been thinking about proposing to you for several days now, and I was going to talk to you about it He looked at me trying to gauge my reaction. I didnt have one. I made sure my jaw stayed shut so that I didnt start drooling like a pathetic idiot. He continued. Look, Sarah, Im in love with you and I want to spend my golden years with you. Will you be my wife? Will you marry me? Not quite sure what else to say, I said, Yes.

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He smiled and kissed me deeply for a few minutes. I had no time to think so I joined in with a charade of happiness. Brady, I have to get back to my room before Priscilla wakes up, I insisted. He reached down and stroked my cheek. Sarah, I love you and I want to make you the happiest woman on earth. I chocked out an I love you, too and returned to my room. I refused to think about what just happened, and I crawled into my bed snuggled deeply under the covers.

Is This Really Happening? The next day Priscilla was up at the crack of dawn. I moaned a good morning and tried to stuff the pillow over my ears. Get up, Samantha! Rise and shine! Priscilla peeled away the pillow from my grumpy head. Ten minutes! I insisted. Im going to fetch the morning cruise ship itinerary and Ill be back in ten. Then we are going to get massages at the spa She rattled off a few more activities she had planned for us. I grunted my approval and she walked out the door. Finally, a little peace and I shot straight up in bed, mesmerized by last nights memory running through my head at a breakneck pace. Im engaged! Im engaged to Agent Marks! How did this happen? I cant believe it! Hes going to love me through his golden years? I dont feel that old. Maybe because Im not that old. Is this really happening to me? What am I going to do? Hes my boss! I cant just take it back! Do I want to take it back? Do I want to marry him? My thoughts were interrupted by a ringing telephone. Hello?

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Good morning, my lovely fiance. Agent Marks cool, crisp voice rang over the receiver. Good morning. Priscilla will be back any minute, I gushed, trying to get out of the phone call. No worries, I knew she was gone. We know her every move, Agent Marks responded. There are more of you? I said, astounded. All undercover, he said. We chatted for about thirty more seconds before hanging up. I quickly dressed and was brushing my hair when Priscilla returned. When she did, she looked slightly angry and flustered. I pretended to ignore it, but now I knew something was desperately wrong. Trying to come up with a way to get it out of her, she beat me to it. Jebs on board. Priscilla put her face in her hands and began to sob. What? I was immediately concerned. I didnt know, I promise She continued to talk to me through sobs. I saw him last night when we were at the disco. He was sitting at the bar with a hat on, trying to be inconspicuous. Are you sure it was him? I was desperately hoping she was wrong. This morning when I woke up, I shook it off, thinking maybe I had too much to drink, but when I was in the lobby grabbing the cruise itinerary, he was waiting for me. Mascara ran down her pretty face, causing the freckles to stand out. I felt sorry for her. The dramas we get ourselves in! I thought, trying to forget about my own possibly disasterous situation.

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What did he say? I sat by her and gave her a hug. She blubbered, He told me not to tell you, and if he saw me talking to any men well, it would be the last time I ever said anything. He threatens you a lot, doesnt he? I was tempted to ask if he hit her too, but I decided against it. Samantha, I dont know what to do. Im in my forties, have a few divorces under my belt, pickings are slim. She listed her excuses. The pickings arent that slim. Why dont you just dump him? I asked. I dont know I love him I guess That sounds stupid, doesnt it? Like a silly teenage girl who runs off with the high school quarterback in the name of love and ruins her life when he leaves her pregnant for her best friend. She shook her head, disappointment clouding her better judgment. It is silly, Priscilla. You know better. He sounds dangerous and you need to get out of this situation. I chided her as if I were a concerned mother. He is dangerous. You just have no idea She stopped herself from going on. Why is he dangerous? I cant help you if you dont tell me! I begged for more information. Just leave it alone, Samantha, and dont worry about it. Im sorry for ruining your trip. She began dry heaving, trying to stop more tears from forming.

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I hugged her tighter. Dont be silly. You didnt ruin my trip. Why dont we have fun with this? Turn it around on him. She looked hopeful. Yeah, like what?

A Dose of Reality Screaming, I swung my arms around in the darkness trying to grab hold of something, anything. The next thing I heard and felt was my chair hitting metal and a sinking in the pit of my stomach as I began to fall. Splash! I hit water, and a sewage smell caught in my throat, mixed with extremely salty warm water. Help! Somebody help me! I heard the roar of the cruise liner and began to fear for my life as I felt a backward pulling. The roar grew louder and as I came to my senses, I realized I was heading for the giant propeller waiting to cut me to shreds Samantha! Samantha! Wake up! Whos Samantha? I wondered as I felt my body being shaken from its fitful slumber. I slowly opened my crusty eyes and a face began to come into focus. Wha Whats going on? I asked, still dazed and slightly frightened. I think you had a nightmare. The details went from fuzzy to clear as I sat up and allowed the bright sunlight to help me regain my perspective. I did, it was pretty bad. I looked around. Priscilla and I were sunbathing on the top deck. Steam was billowing out of the giant engine, while splashes of water were hitting us from people descending the giant blue circular slide into the pool. A waiter passed by, offering us tall drinks with pineapple and pink umbrellas. Priscilla and I each took one and I sat, silently sipping the cool drink while watching my surroundings. I wondered if the dream was some kind of warning or omen. Was God telling me to watch out?

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So are we going dancing tonight after dinner? Priscilla asked, still amused from my slight disorientation. I wouldnt mind stopping by and watching the Vegas-style show first, I replied sucking dutifully on my straw. I wouldnt mind hitting the casino afterwards She sucked out leftover pineapple strands from her front teeth. There was a slight space between her two front teeth and I noticed that food often was caught in between. Sounds good to me I laid my head back on the lounge chair and drifted off to sleep again, allowing the sun to encase me like a warm blanket.

* * ******* Owww! I cant believe how bad Im sunburned. I had poured half a bottle of aloe vera lotion on my body trying to relieve the pain. I told you to wear sun block but, nooooooo, you said you never burned, Priscilla chastened me as she rubbed the mint smelling gooey lotion on my back. I look like a lobster! Im glad the dance floor is mainly dark. Maybe people will just think my skin is reflecting one of the red lights, I moaned, looking at my bright red face. Tomorrow when we hit St. Thomas, you need to wear a hat and shirt. No tube tops keep covered up. I listened patiently as Priscilla went down her motherly list of rules for me to abide by. Duly noted. I flinched in pain as I clothed myself for our big night.

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Four hours later, after skipping the Las Vegas Show and losing in the casino, we were back on the dance floor. I had already had so much to drink that I was no longer was in pain and I didnt care about my applered skin. We were laughing and dancing, exchanging dance partners and having a great time. In the name of keeping my sanity, I had pushed the fact of my recent engagement to Brady Marks into the deep recesses of my mind. I had to focus on my assignment. I was trying hard not to become attached to Priscilla, but to no avail. I already loved her as a friend, and she trusted me as a confidant. Earlier at dinner she told me Jebs sad tale of his younger brother slowly dying at home, as he was refused full care because of the insurance refusing to pay. I cant say I blamed him. If it had been my sister or one of my children, I would want justice myself. However, his hideous plan of kidnapping the CEO of an insurance corporation and bombing the building was taking his vengeance entirely too far. Two wrongs didnt make a right, and I had to put a stop to it. Unfortunately, her involvement with Jeb would make her a target and earn her considerable jail time. I wondered if she would have the guts to testify against Jeb, which in turn would ensure her freedom from him and the penitentiary. I would have to get Agent Marks permission first before I could ask her, and he was one person I wasnt sure I wanted to see right now. Mixed Emotions Hey, baby, Ive been watching you. Agent Marks lips brushed mine while my heart picked up speed. Oh, have you now? I kissed him back, enjoying the soft touch his lips afforded me. Ive missed you terribly. His warm breath smelled of the salty sea. I have a question for you. We were crammed in his little cabin, and it was beginning to get stuffy. He looked at me quizzically, waiting for me to continue.

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I want to tell Priscilla about our operation. I think shell cooperate. The words fumbled out in a hurry. He thought for a moment. Well, I trust you, Sarah. If you believe shell testify against him, then lets go with it. But, I dont want to do it on the ship. Lets wait until the cruise is over so we can take her to headquarters. This will also buy you more time to gain her trust and deepen your friendship, ensuring you she wont tuck tail and run when the time comes to stand trial. I agree, we only have three more days and then well be back in port. How about I approach her when we arrive back in Pittsburg? I was already going over how I was going to approach her in my head. Thats fine. Dont worry about Jeb. We are watching his every move. Hes very possessive of Priscilla. Dont do anything that would make him think you are not for their relationship, Agent Marks ordered. I know. Ive been good. We plan on purposefully losing him in St. Croix. We have a scuba tour planned that we found out he is going on also. We are disappearing and touring the town instead, I said, telling him the details of our little deception. Just dont mess with him too much. Hes a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Agent Marks drew me into another hug. We passionately kissed and I felt a quiver up my spine. Maybe marriage to Brady wouldnt be so bad. White picket fence, stability, travel yes, Sarah, talk yourself into it I cant take this anymore, Sarah, Agent Marks breathed. Take what? I asked, slightly annoyed. I want you and I want you now. Agent Marks steeled his eyes and looked at me with determination.

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I thought Christians waited till marriage? I was too stunned to say anything else. Thats not what I am talking about. Actually, yes it is, Sarah. I want all of you right now, not just your body, but I want to officially make you mine. Marry me as soon as we get back to Pittsburg. Please, Sarah, there is no reason to wait any longer. I love you and you love me. How about a small backyard wedding the weekend after next? As soon as you get Priscilla on board with us, we can close this case. Umm, sure. Yes. Lets do it. What are we waiting for? I gasped between lies. Or was I lying? I loved him. I did. And yes Christians wait until marriage. With that he kissed me goodbye, and I left with my knees feeling weak. My head was spinning and I felt like smoking a cigarette. I never smoked unless I was on an assignment that dictated I needed to. But suddenly, I needed to. I took the elevator to the top deck and bummed a cigarette from someone. I crawled in a chair and put my feet up on the railing allowing the rocking of the ship to soothe me. As I inhaled the cigarette, I began to cough. Ugh! I tossed it overboard. Sarah, get a hold of yourself! Jack is about to get married. Agent Marks loves you. Youre not a spring chicken anymore. You might not get another chance at love! Dont be stupid! You screwed things up with Jack, and if you screw things up with Brady, then you deserve to be alone! Back on Shore

That was so much fun! exclaimed Priscilla as we lugged our suitcases off the dock. I didnt want to get off the ship, I agreed honestly. Back to the daily grind, Priscilla said with humor in her step.

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We can always go on vacation again maybe Hawaii or Europe I suggested. Absolutely! Youre a fantastic bunk mate Im really glad we did this together. Her tone turned soft, Im sorry Jeb followed us I plan on breaking it off with him when we get back. I put my arm around her shoulders. Dont worry about it. It was actually kind of funny watching him scramble around St. Croix looking for us. Priscilla laughed, letting her beautiful auburn hair sway while the curls got caught up in the wind and tried to float off. I dont know what I ever saw in him! A black taxi with blue stripes pulled up to the curb, and we hopped in after shoving our suitcases in the trunk. I was miffed the cab driver didnt bother to get out of the car to help us. Take us to the airport, please! I ordered the lazy driver. Five minutes later the cab drove down between some warehouses, and suddenly I knew we were in danger. I elbowed Priscilla and mouthed, Jump out and run. But before we had a chance to do so, the cab stopped and the driver turned around and aimed a gun at us, while pulling off his fake mustache. It was Jeb. Get out of the car or I will blow your brains all over the back seat, Jeb said with hate flashing in his eyes. What is wrong with you? Priscilla barked. Get out of the car, stupid! he shouted, agitated.

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Just do what he says, Priscilla, I said trying to bring order to the situation. We got out of the car with our hands high to the sky, and he marched us through a cold door clothed in sheet metal. Sit down in that chair right now, Samantha or should I say Special Agent Sarah Higgins? Jeb spat coldly. Priscilla looked at me shocked. What? Your names not Sarah, its Samantha. I sat in the chair while Jeb forced Priscilla to tie me to it. She had tears in her eyes and confusion clouded her countenance. Why are you doing this, Jeb? What is going on? Priscilla began to openly cry. Samantha here is an undercover FBI agent. Isnt that right, Sarah Higgins who lives in New York with her daddy and two kids. Jeb mocked me with saliva drooling from his chin. I wanted to vomit. How did he know where I lived? Jeb sneered and spittle dripped from his pursed lips. Ive got friends in high places. He wiped his mouth. Yeah, thats right. Ive been following you for weeks. Priscilla turned toward me angry. Is this true, Samantha? Do you work for the FBI? I nodded. Its true, but we are after Jeb, not you. She wailed, I thought you were my friend! How could you deceive me like this? I gave you a job, went on vacation with you! How could you? I glanced towards the door waiting for the SWAT team to bust through. Agent Marks had to know where I was.

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I was going to tell you tomorrow. I swear, Priscilla. I couldnt do it on the ship while Jeb was onboard I pleaded my case. Save it, stupid! I saw you sneaking around with that other agent! There was a whole group of you on board! He pointed the gun toward me. Priscilla, stand back, I dont want her filthy pig blood touching you! I closed my eyes and screamed. I heard three gun shots and opened my eyes. Priscilla lay bleeding at my feet and Jeb was lying lifeless a few feet away. A small army of black-clothed men were running in, and the next thing I knew Agent Marks was holding me. Its okay, baby, its over its all over. Agent Marks voice still didnt stop my racing mind. Priscilla, shes been shot! Help her! I screamed in a panic. Dont worry, shes going to be okay. Jeb only got her in the shoulder. She took the bullet for you, Sarah. She saved your life by stepping in front of Jeb. I pulled myself out of his arms and ran outside. The ambulance had just closed its doors, and I ran up and banged on the back of them. The double doors opened and I climbed in. Priscilla saw me and smiled. I reached for her hand and held it. Thank you. Thank you so much, Priscilla. I didnt deserve that what you did. You saved my life! The tears rushed down my face. I knew you were a good person when I first met you, Samantha, err Sarah. FBI agent or not, you are still my friend. Priscilla closed her eyes as the medics continued to work on her. Two days later she was released from the hospital, and oddly enough, wanted me to attend Jebs funeral with her. She felt like she needed the closure. After the small memorial service, Priscilla dropped me off at the

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airport, and we agreed to stay in touch. A few hours later I was on Jacks front porch holding my two children.

Welcome Home Mommy! Mommy! What did you bring us? Christopher and Lauren lunged at the airport bag I was carrying. I had it filled with snow globes and cheap plastic animals. I handed them the bag and they ran inside to divvy up the contents between themselves. Come in. Take a load off, you look tired. Jack opened the screen door, and I walked into the air-conditioning. I sat on the couch and he took the La-Z-Boy. So how did it go? Jack asked, looking mildly interested. Fine Im glad its over. I dont know if want to take anymore cases. I hate being away from the kids. I said, my throat parched. I wished he would offer me something to drink. Want something to drink? he asked. You read my mind, I replied. Ive got Tab. He walked to the kitchen. Thatll work. He handed me the cold diet cola, and I hungrily sucked it down in two gulps.

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You sure were thirsty. He continued with the small talk. I decided to take our conversation to a new level. Im marrying Brady next weekend. There, I said it. Let the chips fall where they may His eyes bulged out of his head. What? Why? You cant do that! Why not? Youre marrying Jill in a few weeks. Whats the big deal? I said, stunned at his reaction. I expected him not to care. He stood up and started pacing the floor. Sarah, Ive been thinking since youve been gone that maybe Maybe what, Jack? I tried to get back together with you and you blew me off. In fact, youre the one who sent me into Bradys arms in the first place. I was angry. He wanted me now that I was taken? He turned and faced me. I want you back, Sarah. When Im with Jill, I find myself comparing her to you. We both turned toward the front door in response to the gasp and muffled cry we heard. Jack ran out the screen door. It was too late. Jill was in her car and peeling out the driveway. I picked up my purse and decided to follow her lead. Jack blocked the doorway. Where are you going? Im leaving, Jack. You can drop Christopher and Lauren off tonight. I shoved past him, and he caught my arm and held it in place. He stared at me and touched his lips to mine. Dont leave, Sarah.

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Chapter

29

Wedding Day

There wasnt a cloud in the sky. I wore a sleeveless, slim, white silk dress and a pretty flower bouquet in my hair. My dad Bill was all smiles in his black tuxedo and cream-colored lapels. Stacy had agreed to be my matron-of-honor, and I allowed her to pick her own purple bridesmaid dress. Lauren was running around with her basket of rose petals and yellow Easter dress, while Christopher was busy convening with the other men. Priscilla easily mingled with the guests while walking around making sure everyone was comfortable. Not too many guests, just close friends and immediate family. We had decided to marry in my New York church where I had been attending with Bill and my children. Pastor Greg Beals was waiting at the front. I sat before my vanity table, applying the final touches to my lipstick. As I looked into the mirror, I saw a woman who felt a lot younger than she looked. I stood up and went to the door. Bill was waiting patiently for me. Are you ready to go, my beautiful daughter? Stacy is already at the front. Bill was bursting with excitement. Im ready, Dad. I gently placed my arm in his, and he handed me white and red roses tied together with ribbon. They smelled lovely. As I walked down the aisle, I thought back over my life and the decisions I had made. The bad ones and the good ones. With prayer, and some wise advice from Pastor Beals, I pondered which man I should marry. The love of my life, Jack, father to my children? Or the stable Agent Marks, who was willing to dedicate his entire life to me? I

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believed this time I was making the correct choice the choice that would produce the best results. I loved both men dearly, but I could only commit my life to one. After sitting down with both of them, I gave them my choice. One left that day heartbroken, and the other full of joy Do you, Sarah Higgins, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? For better or worse, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, to death do you part? Pastor Beals recited the vows in a low voice. I do, I said, while looking into the mans eyes that held my future. We finished the vows and obeyed Pastor Beals orders to face the small crowd.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Lee Jackson.

Prolouge Why God why? I screamed and sobbed lying on my bed talking towards the nightstand. I grabbed the bible off of it and threw it haphazardly against the wall. The teal colored wall that Jack and I had happily painted together in a winning effort to renovate this older home we picked up for a steal. I grabbed the king size pillow mixed in with the comforter and wrapped myself in it. Write it down the still small voice whispered to my heart. I cant Lord, I cant. I answered as I continued to wallow in my well-earned self pity. No one should ever have to go through what I did. No one. But what happened, happened, and there is no going back. I slid halfway off the bed, just enough to pick up my now abused bible. The bible I hadnt read or paid any attention to in months. The thought, Romans 12:19 entered my mind. I opened to it. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

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I will take revenge; I will pay them back, says the Lord. I read through the scripture twice, mumbling it to myself the second time. Revenge may be yours Lord, but writing is mine. I sat up and wiped away the tears. Better late than never. Hanging my feet over the bed, I allowed them to search the floor for my well worn pink slippers that Christopher had blessed me with for my birthday a couple of years ago. I slowly shuffled to the study and slid out my diary that sat lazily among the other books. Grabbing a pen, I sat comfortably in my chair to begin

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Part 6 Life #6 The Bradley School Case

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Chapter

30

Operation Poker Face

Do you remember The Bradley School? Agent Marks asked warily. He had put on a happy face during my wedding, but now he was chilly. How could I forget? That was my first case I was Alexandra Ralston. I mused, slightly angry he was treating me as if I had the bubonic plague. Well, I am sending you back, this time as a teacher and you are keeping the name Alexandra Ralston. His stately eyes met mine. All love was lost. I gave a half-hearted laugh, trying in a vain attempt to lighten the atmosphere. What? Im too old to pass as a student? He growled, No, Sarah. Youre almost forty, not twenty-three. I felt the full extent of his jab. I was making a joke. He ignored me. You are a spinster with a secret gambling addiction. I cut him off, Spinster? Forty is the new thirty! He rolled his eyes in utter disbelief that I was interrupting him. Look you took a year off; its time to get back to business. Now please stop interrupting me so I can finish.

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Agent Marks abrasive tone deflated my funny bone, so I slumped slightly in my seat to hear the rest. He folded his hands on his desk and continued, Mr. Thomas Bradley III, grandson of the original Thomas Bradley who started The Bradley School, has run into a bit of trouble. He has been spending the schools earnings on his gambling debt, which has now run the school into the red. Mr. Bradleys old college buddy, Charles Tanner, is the new principal at the school. The old principal mysteriously resigned last year and left the state. Your job is to find the gambling ring and proof of Mr. Bradleys embezzling scams. Its his school, cant he do what he wants with the money? I wondered out loud. Not when its considered a non profit organization. It was Grandpa Bradley who asked us to investigate his grandson. I guess hes fed up with him flushing his school down the toilet. Agent Marks answered. As I sat listening to Agent Marks, thoughts of Cole Turner ran through my head. I wondered what had happened to him. Agent Marks read my mind. Cole Turner is the head basketball coach at Bradley. Remember him? I refused to entertain his snide reminder. Yes, is he involved? We arent sure, but Mr. Bradley attends all the games. You know they have been state champions three times since Cole took over as head coach. I smiled, proud that Cole made something of his life. Good for him. The semester starts in two weeks, and since you are going to be the sophomore English teacher, I need you to get busy reading the class-assigned books so you understand the curriculum. I continued to smile. Is that all?

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Youre dismissed. Old Times

It was 1993 and The Bradley School smelled the same. Lysol mixed with bleach and cheap perfume greeted my nostrils when I opened the teachers lounge door. A lone stranger stood at the sink washing a coffee mug. He slowly turned around when the door closed behind me. Hi! You must be new here. Im Alex? A still incredibly handsome Cole Turners open-mouthed astonishment greeted my now beet-red face. Hi Cole. I had already steeled myself for the inevitable. What are you doing here? I want you out of here right now! I cant believe you have the nerve Cole was in a full tirade. I put up my hands and waved them in denial. Cole, stop! Its not what you think Armando has been dead for many years now. I havent been in that line of work for about fifteen years. How dare you come here! Im going to tell the principa An angry Cole glared at me. I stepped towards him. Cole, if you say one word to anybody about our past, I will tell everybody about you and your dads history at this school. Do you want that, Cole? Do you want it in the news about your past dealings? State championship basketball coach Cole Turner is a former Cole cut me off, What, are you stalking me? What are you doing here?

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Im the new English teacher. I have the sophomores. I spoke in a steady tone hoping to calm Cole down. He shook his head from side to side. I cant believe this is happening. What is happening, Cole? Were friends, remember? We went to school together and are old chums. Nobody needs to be the wiser. Cole visibly accepted my assertion and shook off the shock of my arrival. Well, I guess you dont really need me to show you around. What lunch have you been assigned? Cole asked. Second lunch. That means I monitor the kids, right? Right. I have second lunch, too. Cole picked up his briefcase and walked past me to the door. He turned and gave me the once-over, ending it with a sly smile. Its nice to see you again, Alex.

Paradise How was your first day of school? I came home greeted by the smell of beef fajitas and simmering onions, Jacks favorite. Great I guess. Just another day in the neighborhood. I kissed my sweaty husband, who was happily slaving over a pot of black beans. Agent Marks had informed me that it was fine by the bureau if I wanted to stay at home during this case. Actually, they didnt have a choice. I had attempted to retire after the wedding, but the FBI wanted me for this case. Going home at night was part of the deal I worked out with them. The two-hour drive home to New Jersey wasnt much fun in traffic. It was already six oclock. I had left The Bradley School at a quarter to four.

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Jack handed me a glass of red wine. Christopher is at Pauls house till six thirty and Lauren is watching TV. Another sweet kiss landed on my chapped lips. I made strawberry shortcake for dessert. I kicked off my heels and plopped on the couch sipping the wine. Jack sat next to me and insisted on rubbing my feet. I, of course, refused to resist. How was your day, darling? I cooed at my husband. He was still teaching at the local junior high. His ex fiance Jill had left and moved to another school after their breakup. Normal first day of school noise, no new teachers, and the principal gave his usual lecture. Jack kissed my big toe. The teachers started school a week before the children did. I have my syllabus ready. I finished off my glass of wine. Christopher wont be home for another twenty minutes Jack began to pick me up. Where are we going? I asked in a sultry tone. To the bedroom.

New Students Good morning. I greeted each of my students walking through the door with a smile. They all had on uniforms. Hmmm, we didnt have to wear those when I attended here. Welcome to English Literature. My name is Ms. Ralston, and this semester we will be studying Charles Dickens, Emily Bronte, and of course William Shakespeare. Some students stared and a few

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groaned. I continued, The chairs that you are sitting in are the chairs you are to keep for the rest of the semester. This is an honors class and I expect you to be on time and to speak only when I give you permission to do so. Any other behavior will be considered a mark against your final grade. My statement caused their eyes to widen and their mouths to close. I passed out copies of A Tale of Two Cities while feeling the uncomfortable brush of rough tweed against my legs. I had my hair tightly in a bun, small pearl earrings, and a long brown skirt on. The prim and proper look wasnt my style, but then again, neither was teaching teenagers Ms. Ralston, may I go to the bathroom? One slightly chubby freckle faced girl raised her hand and looked at me earnestly. Later I found out her name was Kimberly. This time you may. However, in the future, I will not be allowing you to leave this classroom unless it is an emergency. Learn to use the restroom before class. My militant orders caused the students to sit straighter in their seats. I knew that teenagers liked to see how far they could push new teachers, and I did not plan on giving them any wiggle room. Second Lunch Hows it going? Cole sat next to me during second lunch. He was wearing silver and blue gym shorts, the school colors, a baseball cap and a whistle. He smelled like fresh cut grass. I bit into my ham and cheese hoagie. Good, I guess; no ones given me any trouble. When Cole smiled the skin around his mouth and eyes crinkled a little he was as gorgeous as the first day I ever laid eyes on him. I noticed you call yourself Ms. Is there no mister? I ate a chip, letting the salt soak on my tongue. Nope, but Im assuming you are happily married with a brood of children.

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He shook his head. Divorced for a couple of years now. College sweetheart. Two kids, Cole Jr. and Janice. They live with their mom. Sorry to hear that, Cole. I bet youre a good dad, though. My compliment caused him to blush slightly. I love my kids, so do you have any? He downed a carton of orange juice in one fell swoop. No, I think I lost my chance when Armando died. I acted slightly bent out of shape. He looked at me with caring in his eyes. Sorry, Alex, but maybe God has another plan for your life. His comment about God caught me off guard. God? Yeah God. I gave my life to Him about two years ago after the divorce. Coles face lit up talking about his newfound faith. Me too. I even tried teaching a Bible study once that didnt go over so well though. I thought back quickly to that fateful day. Coles face brightened even more. Really! Maybe you can visit my church one day. Its Westside Methodist. In fact, Principal Tanner, our new principal, attends there. Lets go Sunday. I said, proud that I had already found a way to worm into Principal Tanners life. I wondered if Cole knew Thomas Bradley. Have you met Thomas Bradley? I heard hes head of the board of directors, I asked delicately.

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Yeah, he comes to most of the basketball games. He and Principal Tanner are good friends, Cole informed me while biting into his roast beef sandwhich. I stuffed my mouth with more wavy salty potato chips. Cole continued, Do you really want to go to church with me this Sunday? I crunched while nodding in agreement. Church Bells

Compliance, a dirty word, but somebody has to do it. This and other random thoughts ran through my mind as I walked arm and arm into Westside Methodist with Cole. I really appreciate you coming with me this morning. Cole purred in my already slightly sensitive ears. Like a cat hunting its prey, I pounced. Hopefully this wont be the last time. I suggested while squeezing his hand. We sat together five rows back, but not until after a smile and brief wave to Principal Tanner. Principal Tanner, after quickly recovering from his initial shock of seeing us together, waved politely and sat on the second row with his wife and three kids. Two boys and one girl. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world only to lose his soul? I listened intently to the Pastors speech. He continued. If you lose your life for my sake, said Jesus, you will find life. I pondered Jesus words. Yes, I had lost my life to the FBI. Here I was, sitting next to a man who wasnt my husband, a good man I was planning on fully manipulating to get what I needed for the FBI to make arrests. An agency who didnt give two hoots about me. My mind drifted to Christopher and Laurenbut what about them? What about their future? What about Jack and Is retirement?This job could help pay off some debt. I felt Cole squeeze

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my hand. I could tell he was excited and hopeful about the possibility of us having a future together. Was telling lies and hurting the innocent worth catching the bad guys? And just how bad where these men anyway? How was gambling and embezzling money from the already wealthy hurting anyone? Because its breaking the law Sarah! Remember what FBI stands for.fidelity, bravery and integrity. After the benediction, I took my time getting up and heading out. I purposely went out of my way to ensure a run in with Principal Tanner. Ms. Ralston, Cole, how are you today? Principal Tanner asked while introducing his pretty wife and three teenage children. Cole beamed and looked at me. Very well sir, very well. Principal Tanner laughed. I see that, would you two like to join us for lunch? We always go to Briannas Lobster and Seafood Grill after church. We would love to, right Cole? I batted my eyelashes unabashedly at my escort. He nodded, refusing to hide his delight. We will meet you there. When Cole and I were back in his car, a modest blue four door Toyota, he sat silently before turning on the engine. I suspected he was getting up the nerve for a Where is this going? speech, and before I could gather a plausible rebuttal to stall for time, he spoke. Alex, he sighed looking over at me with his big baby blues marked by hope. I know you and I had a short fling in high school, and I know that was a long time ago, but I cant handle getting involved with you again, only to have you run off. I sat silently listening to Coles soulful plea while a loud debate bullied its way through the halls of my mind: Dont lead this man on

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No Sarah! Its your job to lead this man on and get information. What kind of cold-hearted monster are you? Cole trusts you! Youre loyalty is misplaced, your heart belongs to the FBI and your family, not to a possible suspect. Cole continued to pour out his heart. Alex, Im a broken man. Im divorced, lonely, and you sweep back into my life like a whirlwind. And of all things, you have turned your life over to Godwhich makes me believe that Gods hand could be in thisyou know like redemption, restorationand possibly the miracle that Ive been waiting for. Then silence. He waited for my answer. Stuck, and not quite sure what to do, I allowed the FBI to win this one. I leaned over and gave him a soft, but closed mouth, yet lingering kiss on the lips. He breathed in deeply as if he were breathing in a cleansing peace. I sat back in my seat and put on my seatbelt. He started the car and we drove to the restaurant while I listened to Cole sing joyfully, and out of tune, to the love song on the radio.

Briannas Lobster and Seafood Grill This is the best lobster in town, Mr. Tanner. I proclaimed proudly after ingesting the crustacean. He smiled. Call me Charles please, or better yet, Charlie, like those close to me do. I mimicked a blush. Thank youCharlie. We continued chatting amongst ourselves as I closely observed Charlies family. They seemed like your typical American family. It was hard to believe that he could be wrapped up in such a large scam. Of course, I was now quite used to the unbelievable. Afterwards, I was able to dodge spending time with Cole, by letting him know I had homework to grade and a syllabus to update. The truth was, it was Sunday and I missed my own family Oh good! Youre finally home. Jack greeted me warmly with Christopher and Lauren sitting next to him on the couch. I sat in the loveseat

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next to them and pulled off my shoes. Im sorry Im so late. Hopefully this job will be over soon. Were just happy to have you home. My loving husband responded. Yeah, mom. Were supposed to go to the zoo today remember? Lauren quickly reminded me. I nodded. Just give mommy a few minutes to freshen up and then we can leave. I walked to the laundry room and rummaged through the dryer for a pair of jeans trying hard to shake todays events off. I wanted to put Cole and Principal Tanner far, far behind me. Unfortunately, that would be easier said than done.

Roses are Red Monday came way too quickly and I was surreally back in school pretending I knew how to teach English. The truth was, I was only about one chapter ahead of the students on assignments. I had fully planned on avoiding Cole today, but no such luck. When I walked into class, a dozen beautiful red roses in a clear vase waved at me from my desk. For my Alex, meet me for lunch. Your Cole. I quickly hid the offending flowers under my desk before the first class bell rang. Scooting close to my desk, I bowed my head. My heart had hit rock bottom and I knew I had to start looking up. God, Ive screwed up again. I need you to tell me what to dohow to get out of this. I dont want to hurt this man Lord. Hes a good person. Please tell me what to do. I ask and pray this in your son Jesus name. I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the old white peeling paint on the ceiling. I had never noticed the gummy candy stuck up there before. Tell him. What? I gasped, looking around. Who said that? Tell him the truth. When the voice spoke again, I realized it was coming from my heart, but it wasnt from me. The sudden understanding of who it was rendered me almost speechless. But, but, butGod I cant! I stuttered. Suddenly I heard someone at the door. I turned to

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watch a group of students staring at me. One graciously asked the embarrassing question. Uh, are you ok Ms. Ralston? I quickly regained my composure. Yes, I was just practicing lines. They began to take their seats as the bell rang. Lines to what? To the new Shakespearean play were going to begin reading. I grinned while they moaned. Lunchtime I strolled into the teachers lounge half past noon to be greeted by a bright faced Cole who had a tuna fish sandwich waiting for me. Ok, I know its not much, but its homemade. He pushed the paper plate decorated by corn chips in front of me. I took a bite. It was actually quite good. Hows your day going? Well, hectic. Its basketball season and our first game is Friday. I have practice every day after school. he confessed apologetically. I breathed an inward sigh of relief. Im believing youre going to have another state championship this year. He reached across the table and took my hand. Now I have someone to win this for. Cole, I, uh. Dont you think we may be going just a little too fast here? I said trying to steer him in a different direction. He looked hurt. Sorry. Youre right. Im a little out of practice. He continued to munch on his sandwich in silence while I felt like a jerk. Why does this keep happening to me? I thought briefly back to what the Lord spoke to my spirit. Was God crazy? I couldnt tell him the truth! Could

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I? I looked at Cole. He wore his heart on his sleeve and I knew that he didnt deserve for me to stomp on it. I had to think of something. I quickly finished my lunch and excused myself. I called Agent Marks for a meeting after school. Pizza Place

The New Jersey pizza place was brimming with loud adults and screaming kids. Agent Marks and I huddled together in a back booth with a medium pepperoni between us. I need to know why. I boldly asked. Why what? he replied. Why did you send me to The Bradley School knowing that Cole was there? Knowing he was single, and asking me to pose as a single? You knew what you were doing. I stated in harsh but hushed tones. He didnt deny it. Yeah, I knew what I was doing. But youre a big girl, you can handle it. Do you hate me this much for not marrying you? Is this my punishment? Trying to set me up with Cole so that my marriage with Jack is forever destroyed? I hissed angrily. He hissed back. I know you think the entire world revolves around you Sarah, but it doesnt. Plus, Im not the one who made the decision to send you there. I verbally punched him. I thought you were going to retire. He didnt take the bait. Believe me sweetheart, this is my final case. Ive had about all I can take.

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Whats that supposed to mean? I bit purposely goading him. You know what I mean. Now get back to work. The sooner you get the information, the sooner youre off the case. Youre marital problems are your own business. He stood up to leave throwing a balled up napkin in the middle of the barely touched pizza. I glared at him. My marriage to Jack is just fine thank you. I bet. He whispered hostilely before walking out the door.

* * **********

Hey baby, Stacy,your dad and my mom called. They want to know what we are doing for Christophers birthday. Jack kissed me on the nose. Then he wrinkled his. What have you been eating? Pizza, long story, I need a beer. I said entirely too quickly. He frowned. Wanna talk about it? No, I just need a cold one. I said tossing my jacket haphazardly on the floor while kicking my shoes off hard enough that they slid across the room and into the loveseat. Juvenile I know, but at this point I didnt care. Jack pretended not to see my small tantrum. Coming right up. I thought about throwing the coasters sitting on the coffee table. Pretending they were Chinese stars meant for Agent Marks. But if I do that, Jacks going to drag the truth out of me and that definitely wouldnt be good. Jack handed me the brewsky and I sat back on our plush,

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comfortable, yet seriously needing new upholstery beige couch. I put my feet up on the coffee table, breaking my own house rule and sucked on the bottle. I decided to start an argument with God in my head. Nice and private where no one could hear. God, I cant tell Cole. I just cant. In fact, Im not sure if that was really you or not. It probably wasnt. Ok, if it was, and I know you can hear my thoughtsthen confirm it to me. I continued my one sided argument a little more before being interrupted by Lauren jumping on my lap. Hows my girl? I kissed her beautiful cherub face and she giggled. Mommy, guess what I learned today in school. She said snuggling up to me. What did you learn? I asked sincerely grateful for this wonderful gift that God had given me. That if we love someone, we should tell the truth. The words were barely out of her mouth when I shook my head in disbelief. She jumped off of me and proceeded to the kitchen. I decided to call a friend Priscilla, hey its me Sarah. Are you busy? Priscilla Stone and I had remained friends even after her finding out that I was an undercover operative. No, why? Whats up? She asked. Can you meet me for coffee, say in twenty minutes? I need to talk to someone. I asked hoping she could meet. Lennys Bakery? She stated already knowing my answer. Lennys Bakery. I hung up grateful for her understanding.

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Lennys Bakery

Priscilla looked out of place at Lennys. Her beautiful mane of red hair forever failed at looking bad and her creamy skin glowed as usual. Some people have all the luck. Lennys was the neighborhood coffee shop and after her liaison with Jeb Darks, she chose to move to Jersey where she currently works for a small marketing firm. As usual, she was inundated by male stares while fidgeting in her seat. We grabbed our coffee and managed to find a slightly secluded bench outside, across the street in front of a laundrymat. The fall leaves were in full effect and the nippy air happily bit at our noses and ears. In hushed tones, I left out very little detail as I told her about my situation with Cole. She listened intently and refused to speak until I finished. After absorbing the information, she looked at me with wide humorous eyes. So youre saying hes single? I laughed, which caused an immediate release of anxiety. Yes, and good looking with a steady paycheck. And hes a Christian. She continued. And hes a Christian who now thinks that God sent me his way. I said heart heavy. Well He did, but just not for that. However, your single girlfriend here could use an introduction. Priscilla loved to play the angles. I mussed. Thats not a half bad idea. It could get him off my tail. Priscilla whispered. ButI think that you should tell him the truthall of it. I gasped. What? I had left out the little bitty detail of how I thought the Lord had told me the same thing.

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If hes really a good guy like you say, maybe he can become an informant. Priscilla suggested. He could, but if things get sticky, which they probably will, he would lose his career. But he could end up losing it anyway if he is charged as an accomplice. She stood up and shook leaves off of her stylish brown suede boots. Tell him the truth.

* * ******* Cole we need to talk. I sat next to him in the noisy lunchroom we were supposed to be guarding. Sure Alex, what is it. He asked looking at me curiously. I mean somewhere private, after school. I said looking around. How about my house? And I mean that in the most gentlemanly way. He asked. I know you do Cole, youre a wonderful person. I commented. His ears turned pink. Thanks.

Coles House After a traffic filled trip to Queens, we arrived at his small three bedroom house. The inside was very neat with an old plaid couch that sagged in the middle and a TV that sat haphazardly on a bookshelf.

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He appeared ashamed. I know its not much, but hey, its affordable. I smiled encouragingly. Cole, I am so proud of you. You have really made something of your life. Youre making an honest living by running, thanks to you, a top notch basketball team. Youre doing what you love to do. He groaned. You forgot about the failed marriage and kids who live with their mom. I thought they visited on weekends. Twice a monthand they are great kids. Cole, I need you to sit down. He sat on the couch and I sat down in the chair next to him. What is this about? Why are you so serious? he asked concerned. There is something I have to tell you. Something youre not going to like, but I need to know that I can completely trust you. He leaned forward. What is this about Alex? I had brought my FBI badge to show him. I laid it on the table and he slowly opened the wallet and gasped. Is this some kind of joke? When we first met back in high school, you were my assignment. Butbutyou ran off and married Armando. Who is now dead and his entire operation was shut down.

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His face turned several shades of red. Who are you? And why have you done this to me? I was sent to back to The Bradley School to investigate Thomas Bradley and Principal Tanner. They may be embezzling money to gamble with. I am telling you all of this Cole because I cant take the guilt of leading you on anymore. The realization of what I was saying finally hit him. Thisour romanceits all been a game. Im so embarrassed. Im such an idiot. Im sorry Cole. I need you to understand that this is my job. Im going out on a limb here and risking my career to tell you this. Im compromising our operation right now. I need to know I can trust you. He stood up slowly, turned on one foot, and walked to the door, opening it. I need to think, I need some time to think. Im sorry Alex, errSarah or whoever you are. Please leave. I picked up my wallet and stuffed it in my purse and proceeded to leave. Standing on the sidewalk about to jump in my car, he called out. I need to know something. I turned around. What is it? He asked the dreaded question. Are you married? I nodded, ashamed. I couldnt even look him in the eyes. He went back inside and slammed the door.

Forgiven Are you busy? bloodshot eyes stared at me from under a baseball cap.

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The students wont be here for another thirty minutes. I inhaled deeply somewhat relieved he wasnt ignoring me. A scraggly Cole closed the classroom door behind him and pulled a chair up to my desk. I stayed up all night thinking about what you said. Again, I am extremely sorry I stammered, at a loss for words. He waved a hand in the air. Forget about it. I know you were just doing your job. He scooted closer and leaned in. I leaned forward to catch what he was saying. I want to help. How can I help? Are you willing to cooperate and become an informant? I asked attentively. Could this cost me my job? He asked reluctantly. Yes. I answered honestly. He nodded. Im ok with that. Ive lived in this city entirely too long. Plus, a little adventure to spice up my rather mundane life sounds exciting. Are you willing to tell me what you know and at least pose as my boyfriend? I asked hoping he would agree. So youre telling me that youre going to be my date this Friday night at our first basketball game? He grinned. I flashed him a lopsided smile. Im telling you that Im going to be your date at every basketball game and anywhere else Principal Tanner and Mr. Bradley choose to hang out.

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He clapped his hands together. Where do I sign? Ill arrange a meeting tonight after school with my handler. I said scooting back, politely letting him know this meeting was over. He got the hint and stood up holding out his hand. I shook it. I look forward to working with you Ms. Alexandra Ralston.

Friday Night Basketball Two points a basket and nothing but net! Two points a basket and nothing but net! dribble it, pass it, we want a basket! 2 points! The cheerleaders screamed. Their blue and silver pom-poms shaking in the sweat filled air. I cheered too. Coles sly maneuvering brought me a seat next to PrincipalI meanCharlie and Mr. Bradley. The Devilrays were winning and they were extremely pleased. Can I get you something to drink Ms. Ralston? Charlie asked. Yes, an ice cold water would be nice. I answered. Somewhere over the years I had picked up an additional ten pounds. I was hoping slurping down tons of water every day would help. So far it hadnt. I blamed Jack and his fattening fajitas. I think you and Cole make a great team. Charlie commented. I faked a blush. Thank you. Afterwards to celebrate the win, Mr. Bradley took us and the team out for burgers. I watched carefully as Mr. Bradley whispered something in Coles ear. Coles face lit up and he answered Mr. Bradley back in excited, but lowered tones.

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Later, as he drove me back to my own car, I asked What was that all about? I saw Mr. Bradley say something to you. He said that if I kept up the winning streak, hes going to bonus me at the end of the semester. Cole glowed, proud of himself. Congratulations. I said in admirable tones. Then suddenly his face darkened. I could tell he was thinking hard. I just looked at the window and let him think for a moment. His car pulled up next to mine in the abandoned school parking lot. My ugly green Ford the bureau loaned me was perfect for my broke school teacher front. Not that I normally drove something much better. OK, the moment was up, I turned back to him. Just tell me. If it will get you into trouble, Ill keep it between us. I said meaning every word. As far as I was concerned, Agent Marks was on my top ten nasty list, and on a need to know basis only. But of course I kept those thoughts to myself. In rushed tones, he began to spill. I bet too. Not a lot, and I bet on my own teamjust oncewhen I knew they were going to win the championship. Then he paused for a moment. He looked down and that same dark look came back. Then he looked up at me, straight into my eyes. Mr. Bradley made a hundred grand off the game. He belted out his confession obviously relieved to get it out in the open. We will definitely keep that one under wraps. I answered trying to keep it light. I felt so bad about it I didnt go to church for a month. But I was behind on my bills and I have child support paymentsnot to mention alimony. I saw tears beginning to form in his eyes. I put my hand on his arm. The disastrous affects of his adulterous affair while he was married was still sending shock waves his way. He thought I didnt know, so I never mentioned it. Plus, who was I to judge after what I had done?

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Dont worry about it. This stays between us. Did you ask God to forgive you? I hated being preachy but I thought it would help. About a thousand times. If He forgot about it, then so should you. I hoped I wasnt sounding pious. Cole perked up. Anyway, I was thinking about maybe telling Mr. Bradley I wanted to make another bet, just not on my team. I thought maybe it could buy me trust and I could get some names for youthe FBI has to front the money though, Im flat out. Ill talk to Agent Marks, how much do you need? I asked. Well, Mr. Bradley does huge bets, but I think hell humor me and accept a three thousand dollar bet. Anymore than that and theyll get suspicious and wonder where I got the money. Ill meet you at church on Sunday and give you the money. Lets also try to do lunch again afterwards with Principal Tanner. I want to see if I can gain his confidence. I laid out the plan. Lets do it! he said pleased, guilt gone. I nodded and left, happy to be going home to my family. On the way, I stopped to pick up Christophers birthday presents. The family was coming over tomorrow and I needed to be ready.

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31

The Birthday Party

Mom! Im in junior high now! Christopher exclaimed when I took him to the bakery to pick up his cake. I know it was a bit unusual to take him to pick up his own cake, but he wanted to be involved in planning this time. Apparently, some popularity and status was on the line, and he wanted to make sure everything was right. I thought you would like the football decorations. I said spreading my hands, exasperated and looking for forgiveness. I have my friends coming over mom, theyre gonna think Im a nerd. Christopher stated boldly as he crossed his arms and waited for me to cave in. Any other day and I would have had to do my best not to smile. He acted as if his world could come crashing down over some plastic footballs stuck in his birthday cake. Fine, its your birthday. The lady behind the counter smiled weakly and carried the cake to the back for some quick adjustments. Then Christopher looked at me squarely in the eyes, he was only about an inch or two shorter. You didnt get me anything dumb like action figures or coloring books did you? I decided to toy with him. I guess you will just have to wait and see. He looked mortified. What did you get me mom? Please dont embarrass me!

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I laughed. Calm down, I got you a pair of those expensive jeans you wanted. He looked relieved. So no toys? The baker brought back the redone cake and Christopher nodded his approval. I took a cheap shot. I didnt get you any toysbut dad, that may be a different story.

Birthday Party Stacy and her brood ran around the back yard squirting the water guns we passed out. Jack howled with laughter as he nailed Stacys husband square on the head. I thought the adults were having a better time than the kids. I sat nice and dry next to my father on the back porch. How have you been? asked Bill. Good, I hear youve been dating someone. I probed. He blushed. You would like her, she plays golf. My concerned daughter side kicked in. Does she go to church? Thats where I met her. He said giving me the I dont want to talk about my love life with you. look. I sat back comfortably in my chair and sucked on lemonade grateful to have my family together. Thank you GodI really appreciate your blessings. I mumbled under my breath. Watching my family run around screaming, wet and completely happy filled my heart with a satisfaction I knew could only come from God above.

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********* A few more weeks passed and I knew I was earning Mr. Bradleys and Principal Tanners trust. Cole lost his bet, purposefully, hoping it would win some sympathy with Mr. Bradley who set it up. I continued to attend the games and church while pretending to be the nave girlfriend who went along with everything. I could tell that no one was the wiser. I had begun to pray for a break in the case, and finally I got one

I was offered a summer job as a bookieas long as it didnt interfere with basketball season. Cole said proudly. He had been working diligently and had finally found a way in. He was really getting into his role. Agent Marks harrumphed. We were meeting in the same noisy pizza joint as before. Different tattered shiny yellow and orange booth. Where is it? Costa Rica. This group pays roughly two hundred and fifty dollars a day. They book large bets for rich men all over America. Stars shined in Agent Marks eyes. So this bust could be larger than just Bradley we could get hundreds more. I cut in. We would have to work with the CIA. Agent Marks groaned. Wouldnt be the first time. He looked at Cole. Can you get Sarah on too? Since shes your girlfriend, they would expect thatin fact, you should fake an engagement just to be on the safe side. I quickly interjected. I have family, I dont want to go to Costa Ricathis could take all summer.

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Agent Marks glared. You should have thought of that before you joined the FBI, Sarah. Can Jack come? I asked daringly. Yeah right, hes lucky hes not in jail after that stunt he pulled. Agent Marks angrily reminded me. I went for it. Either Jack comes with me, or Im not going. How are you going to pull off Jack going with you when you are supposed to be engaged to Cole? Agent Marks spit. You can get Jack a job at a restraunt that the bookies hang out at or something. I leaned forward. Please dont do this to me, Im asking this as a favor. Agent Marks gloated. Well see. Thanksgiving Day

Cole and I were patiently determined to gather as much information as we could before the school year ended. Thanksgiving day came and since Coles children were with their mother and soon to be step dad, I invited him over to meet Jack and my children. I also invited Priscilla sincerely hoping there would be sparks between her and Cole. Brrrring. Our doorbell squealed. I walked to the door only to see a very nervous Cole holding what looked to be at one time a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Priscilla and Stacy had arrived early and we were still waiting on my father. Welcome, Im so glad you came! I exclaimed gathering him in a friendly hug.

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Thanks! Cole walked in, looking quickly around at my children chasing their cousins. I walked him past the living room to the kitchen while pointing out Christopher and Lauren. Hey! I said announcing myself to the group. This is Cole. Cole shook everyones hand and Priscilla shot me a youre right, he is hot look. I was hoping he felt the same way about her. Three hours later, the men were happily joking around in the living room while us girls talked shop and cleaned the kitchen. So Priscilla, I noticed Cole was staring at you during dinner. Stacy was never one to resist a little teasing. Really? I hope so. Priscilla beamed looking at me. So Sarah, when are you going to set us up on a double date? Got any plans for New Years? I let my wheels turn. Yes, hanging out with you. She replied. I know Cole has his kids for Christmas, but Im thinking New Years Eve would be good. We have to stay away from New York though. We can order in Chinese for all I care. Priscilla teased. We might have toI dont want Agent Marks forbidding me to come home at night. If he thinks Im not being careful, hell make me stay in an apartment in the city. I said already knowing that Agent Marks kept very close tabs. Im surprised you are able to come home at night. Stacy commented. Well, thats the deal I worked out with the bureau, if I came out of early retirement to take this case. They wanted me for it since I already

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had an established relationship with the school and Cole. I explained careful not to indulge too much information. Hey ladies, can you bring your men some cold drinks? The games about to start. Bill stood at the door grinning. He looked great which I suspected was because of the new lady in his life. He had promised to introduce her on Christmas Eve. Stacy groaned. So do you think any malls are open? Were going to be stuck here for at least three more hours. We can leave the kids with them. Priscilla chimed in. I dont know, but Im with Stacy, lets get out of here and go do something. Little did I know, that Thanksgiving was the last one I would spend with Jack.

Schools out Are you guys ready to leave? Agent Marks asked. It was the end of May and we had one week of school left. As far as The Bradley School staff was concerned, Cole and I were a happily engaged couple. Ive been ready. Cole winked at me. The Devilrays had again won the State Championship and Mr. Bradley was on cloud nine. Cole could do no wrong in his eyes. He was more than happy to have Cole and I working this summer in Costa Rica. I got Jack a bartending job at La Bella Resort where you two will be staying. Im warning you.no funny business.if this assignment is compromised in anyway Agent Marks chided while shaking his head in disbelief that he was actually allowing Jack to fill in. But only temporarily and only this summer.

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I held up my hands. Yes sir! Im very thankful that you did this. We will have this wrapped up before the summer ends. I was truly grateful, I knew Agent Marks had to pull quite a few strings for Jack to come. I expect all of you to be on your best behavior and bring me everything I need to put these crooks behind bars for a very long time. Agent Marks reminded us as if he thought we might forget we were working a case and not on vacation. Good Luck Agent Marks stood up and waded through the pile of pizza throwing kids. Cole and I stood up five minutes later from our usual squeaky vinyl booth and walked arm and arm out the door. He gave me the standard public kiss on the cheek that he had been giving me for the past several months. Thank you again for including me in this Alex. He looked at me endearingly. All the romance had been absent for quite a while now from his eyes, especially after New Years Eve had gone so well between him and Priscilla. Youre welcome, see you tomorrow. I waved goodbye and sped off towards home. Jack and Is anniversary was tonight and he was cooking. Warm thoughts of my husband flooded my soul as I looked lovingly at the gift wrapped book I had sitting next to me. I hope he likes it

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Chapter

32
The Costa Rica Case (Operation Hot Tropics)

Part 2 of Life #6

Hey! Touchdown! Carlos yelled throwing his arms above his head mimicking a football goal. Cole and I yelled along while the Dallas Cowboys running back did a victory dance in the end zone. It had been three hot and steamy weeks in the tropics and I was feeling every sweat bead. Cole and I were put up in a nice size hotel roomin which Cole was a permanent guest on the couchby our new bookie boss. Jack thought bartending was funand our gambling gang, which consisted of Xavier (the owner), Carlos (the manager), two college roommates Russell and Pete, and of course Cole and I, who were referred to as The Newlyweds were nightly guests at Jacks bar. Christopher and Lauren were safe at grandpas and I was hoping to crack this case and go home Hot Tropics Here is a list of names we have so far. Cole slid the list across the table to our handler, Marcos something or other. We had driven over two hours away from San Jose where we were staying, and were meeting over margaritas and tamales. I dont know how we found the tiny wood restaurant, hidden in forest, but we managed. I was a little terrified of the tamalesbut I left out that detail to Marcos.

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So are we finished? I asked hoping this would seal the deal. They already had hours of tapped phone material proving Mr. Bradley, Principal Tanner, along with some other big names, were guilty of gambling. I was surprised how many coaches were betting on their own teams. Pretty arrogant if you asked me. Give us two more weeks to wrap this upwe want to see if we can capture anymore big fish. We want the people to see their tax dollars at work dont we? Marcos cackled. My stomach turned. You mean it makes you look good come promotion time. He shrugged. That too.

*************** You know you shouldnt be down here! Jack pulled me into the back by the freezer looking around quickly. It was three a.m. and the bar had finally closed. Yeah, but I miss you I cooed. I needed to feel his warm arms around me. If Marcos catches ushe could sent me back to the States. Jack answered catching his breath. I dont care right now. I said meaning every word. I missed my husband. He kissed me tenderly. Sarah you cant do this, if Xavier or Carlos I kissed back. They would just think I was cheating on Cole.

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He raised an eyebrow. Do you want to cheat on Cole? I started to unbutton his shirt. You bet.

* * ************ Whooo hoooo! Xavier yelled at the top of his lungs. Half a million in ten minutes! Dinner is on the house! Thats quite a record boss! Russell commented, admiration mixed with greed visible in his eyes. Thats what Im talking about! Carlos hi-fived Xavier while Cole and I bombarded Xavier with praises. Who didya get that off of? Pete asked. Carlos shot him a youd better shut up look but Xavier was ready to revel in his victory. The vice president of the United States! I gasped. No way! I dont believe it! Xavier smiled widely showing off his caps. Go look at that green file sitting in the middle of my desk. I did what I was told, Cole trotting behind me, whistling when I opened the file. Sure enough, Americas vice president had been enlisting Xaviers shady company for at least five years. I wondered if the government was going to show the American people this, or bury it like they usually did with our higher ups indiscretions. I closed the file. Alright Xavierwhere are you taking us for dinner? Suzy Q

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Sitting in San Joses finest steakhouse, well at least according to Carlos, we chatted happily about business in code language. Bets were called loose women and customers were called Steers. Weird right? I thought so too, but everyone else thought it was hilarious. Yeah, that steer we call President is a sucker for loose women. Russell said. I knew his college career at Dartmouth would be over in a few weeks. Too bad, I think this is how he was paying for it. I guess he had never heard of a scholarship or school loan. An American born Caucasian waitress, who Xavier nicknamed Suzy Q asked us if we needed anything. I need you. Xavier stated in what I guess he thought was a sexy, sultry tone. Suzy Q rolled her eyes. You say that every time you come in here, you need a new line. Join us for drinks afterwards. Xavier was indeed relentless in his pursuit and I was sincerely hoping she would say yes so I could begin eating the tasty steak sitting in front of me. Where you going? Suzy Q asked. La Bella Xavier grinned like he had hooked a ten foot fish. Ill meet you there after my shift darling. Suzy Q sashayed off and we dug into our delicious dinner. An hour or so later, we were sitting comfortably at Jacks bar. What the others didnt know, was that Jack would always serve me virgin drinks. I made it easy on him and always ordered frozen margaritas or coladas. First rounds on me gloated Xavier.

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All the rounds are on you tonight Xavier. Pete threw in. An excited Xavier smiled and nodded. Jack served up the drinks and the night began. Suzy Q arrived about twenty minutes later and strut her stuff on the dance floor with Xavier. Cole and I sat sipping our drinks and pretending to be in love. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught our handler, Marcos, sitting by himself at a back corner table. What is he doing here? I wondered. Cole followed my gaze and then quickly looked back at me raising an eyebrow. I shrugged my shoulders. Our silent conversation was interrupted by an inebriated Suzy Q. OoohI think I had too much tequila. Suzy Q clutched her stomach. A concerned Xavier touched her cheek. Are you Ok? Suzy Q looked at me. I think Im going toOh! She doubled over and then looked at me with pleading eyes. Alex, will you come with me? I slid off the barstool and she held on to me while hobbling to the bathroom. Once inside she looked under the two bathroom stalls, then turned around, and locked the door. The stale smelling room was small, still she seemed to know what she was doing as she assessed the situation. Something wasnt right. Why are you locking the door? I asked with my guard up. Because I dont want anyone interrupting us while Im taping this on you. Suzy Q then produced a wiretap from out of her tacky white sequined purse. If you smell trouble, code word is Christmas shopping. What the I gasped. Sarah, Im Agent Sheila Hughes with the CIA. Marcos is here because we have reason to believe that Carlos and Xavier are on to you. We

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overheard a conversation on their phone She was interrupted by a banging on the door. Suzy! Suzy! Are you alright in there? Xaviers voice called out. Yes! Ill be out in a minute! Agent Hughes yelled muffling her voice as if she was tipsy. I brought you a cold glass of water and an aspirin! Xavier sounded desperate. Suzy stuffed the wire back in her purse and ran into the stall kneeling on the ground with her head over the toilet. After she was in position, I walked over to the door, unlocked it, and cracked it open. A very sweaty and drunk Xavier pushed the door open and walked into the bathroom. What was with this guy, hadnt he any respect for female territory? Is she alright? Worry lines creased Xaviers face. I took the water and aspirin from him as I tried to shoo him out the door. Shes fine, we should be out soon. I reassured him. All of a sudden, his body tensed, and he wasnt budging. I dont know about that. Xavier said in a mean tone. I backed away towards the stall. Before I could respond, a gun was pointed in my face. I held up my hands. Whatwhat are you doing? Agent Hughes turned around, saw the gun Still faking being drunk she shouted Xavier! Put that away! Are you crazy? Open your purse Suzy and dump out the contents. Xavier barked. Behind Xavier I watched a women start to walk through the bathroom door and then cover her mouth and run. Xavier couldnt have cared less. He waited as Suzy dumped out her purse. Then Xavier saw what he was looking for as the wire spilled out.

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Xavier growled in an even tone. Stand up Suzy. Put down your gun, right now. Marcos was standing behind Xavier with his gun pointed at the back of his head. Without flinching, Xavier laughed wickedly. Shoot me, and Suzy dies. He smirked. Alex, sorry about this, but I need you to get against the wall and keep your hands up. I did what he said. Marcos called out. Sarah, are you alright in there? Whos in there with you? Suzy Q the waitress. I called out, angry that Marcos stupidly spoke my name. Who hired him anyway? Xavier looked at me shocked. So you too? That means Cole We heard another gun click and Jacks voice. Put down the gun Xavier, we already have Carlos and the others. Is that the bartender? Who are you? I can pay you quadruple what youre making here bartender. Just shoot the man next to you. Xavier bartered. Not going to happen, now put down the gun. Jack demanded. In that moment, things seemed to slow down. I looked over at Agent Hughes. Her back was to an open stall, while I was closer to the sink and mirror beside her. Xavier was in front of us, with Marcos right behind him. Jack was just behind Marcos. This room was only big enough for a couple of stalls and a sink, there were too many people for this small of a space. Xavier was the next to speak. It seemed I was listening to him from somewhere else, almost like I was numb. Ok, Ok, you guys win. Ill put down the gunjust back away I could see the sweat on his face as he

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started to turn around. Then I saw his face grimace as he then spun faster on one foot while simultaneously dropping. Shots fired, then another. Xavier began to fall over from his kneeling position, then he just crumpled to the ground. Marcos was kneeling just past Xavier, gun still in position. Then something hit him from behind. Still in slow motion, Marcos looked over his left shoulder, and then I saw the back of Jacks head as it slid off Marcos body and lay against the ground. Jack! I screamed as I ran to him. No, no, no, not againit seemed like some horrible repeat. I rolled Jack onto his back. Marcos stood up and backed away. Get help! I yelled at Marcos. He ran out the door. Back to Jack. I had already been through this once. My hands moved over his body, checking his vitals, looking for anything. Then he twitched. It was a sick, revolting movement I had never felt before. I heard myself shriek. I took my hands off him, and slowly sat back. It was too late. The love of my life lay there, lifeless on the cold floor, blood everywhere. He had been shot in the chest. I got past my shock and ripped open his shirt hoping, but knowing, I wouldnt find a bulletproof vest. Two holes, about three inches apart in the middle of his chest. NOOOOO! I yelled as I sprawled myself over his body, begging God for a miracle. I just held him and sobbed. Agent Hughes checked Xavier to make sure he was dead, and then left, giving me privacy. She knew Jack was gone. I moved around to hold Jack as I sat on the floor. I just sat there, holding him, rocking him back and forth, back and forth

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Part 7 Life # 7 The Final Chapter...

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Chapter

33

Operation Broken Heart

Two years later And you have dealt with the fact that none of this is your fault. Sally my government assigned therapist asked gingerly. This was our last session, well at least as far as I was concerned. I nodded, I knew what I was supposed to say. Yes, none of this was my fault. And you forgive God and have put this entire incident behind you. Sally said keeping her still green eyes focused on mine. It had taken me almost a year to warm up to her, but now she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. Yes, I know that this isnt Gods fault. I lied. I still was furious at God and wanted to know why he let Jack die. I mean, I had heard plenty of testimonies of Gods direct intervention where lives were spared. Was He just too busy that night to spare Jacks life? I plastered a phony grin on my face, I wondered if Sally was smart enough to figure out it was fake. You have a bright future ahead of you Sarah, and wallowing in the past will prevent you from fully enjoying watching your children grow up.

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I wanted to act like a mad dog and bite her head off, but I didnt. Just a few more minutes, you can do this. I understand. You know you are welcome to come back anytime right? Her soft eyes didnt waver. I know I said in an almost whisper.

Agent Brady Marks

What are you doing here? I bit out accusingly. Agent Marks was sitting in my living room. It was barely noon and Christopher and Lauren were still in school. I have a keyremember? Agent Marks tried to retain a happy face. For the past two years, he had gone out of his way to try to help me get back on my feet. Arent you buying a house in the mountains or something? Thought you hated Jersey. After Jacks death, we both had retired. Hows Sally? he asked sincerely concerned. What do you care? Why do you keep skulking around here? I didnt care who I treated like dirt. Hurt, then resolve crossed his face. He stood up ready for a face off. What is wrong with you Sarah? When are you going to get over what happened? Are you going to take out your bitterness and resentment on everyone forever? Are you trying to push me away? Im still alive Sarah! Your children are still alive! Quit punishing everyone!

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I hate my life! I hate myself and I hate you! Get out! I ranted, puffy and purple faced. A tear streamed down Agent Marks face. I cant take this anymore Sarah, neither can anyone else. Ive tried every way I know how to be a friend and walk you through this, but Ive had enough. Your refusal to heal is hurting everyone around you. Then he walked past me and out the door. I looked up at the ceiling and shook my fist. I hate you GodI hate you for doing this to me. A small still voice in my heart answered back. I love you. I then fell to my knees crying. How can you say that? How can you say that you love me? Why didnt you protect Jack? Were you punishing me for bringing him? Was it my fault? I wailed. Then I heard it again. I love you. I hadnt cried since Jacks funeralthe new tears cleansed my broken heart. I sobbed, praying God, heal meplease just heal metake away my misery! Mommy! Mommy! I heard Laurens voice and I opened my eyes. Through the eye glaze I saw three figures. The tall one bent down and peered at me. Are you ok Sarah? As my eyes focused, Agent Marks came into view. I sat up and rubbed my right eye. Christopher and Lauren stood staring at me. Agent Marks gave a brief explanation. When you didnt come pick Christopher and Lauren up after schoolor answer the phone, they called me worried. II must have fallen asleep. I picked myself up off the living room floor. I was positive my face was swollen with a rug indention in it. Strangely enough, I felt somewhat peaceful.

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Christopher, would you mind watching your sister while I take your mom out for a burger? I promise to bring you guys something back. Agent Marks asked respectfully. Yeah, I want a vanilla shake with cookies in it. Lauren insisted. Ill take a double patty with extra cheese. Christopher informed Brady Marks. We wont be gone longI promise. Agent Marks herded me out the door and into his car before I could object. I was too embarrassed to refuse anyway. I cant believe I fell asleep and left my kids at school! I felt a healthy dose of humility and gratefulness towards Agent Marks. Shortly afterwords, I was revived by greasy fries and a soda. We sat outside the fast food burger chain watching the people walk in and out. How are you feeling? Agent Marks asked timidly. Im sorryIm sorry for the way Ive been treating you I blubbered. He started to say Thats ok. But I cut him off before he could finish. I needed to get this off my chest. Im ready to let go, Im ready to get my act togetherfor myself, for my kidsmy familyyou. What about God? He asked almost scared of my reaction. Who could blame him? My entire family had been enduring my violent mood swings. Him too. Ive had Christopher and Lauren out of church for way too long now. I dont know what I was thinkingJack and I worked hard to raise them right. So, do you mind if I come with you Sunday? he sheepishly asked.

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Not at all. I said surprised he even thought he needed to ask. Do you mind if I take you out to dinner tomorrow night? Just me and you? I was slightly taken aback. Like whata date? He looked like a whipped puppy. SorryI thought since we were on a roll For the first time in a long time, I looked long and hard at Agent Brady Markswho was just Brady Marks now. I couldnt believe I didnt see it beforeI was so wrapped up in my pain and myself and everything else that pertained to me thatI gave him a warm smile. Are you going to take me to the movies afterwards? Joy returned to his face. Anything you want to see.

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Epilogue

Christopher Lee Jackson The principal called out. My son walked dutifully on stage to receive his diploma. I couldnt believe my son was graduating High School. Brady Marks held my hand, our matching wedding bands shining brightly in the sun. Yeah! Thats my brother! Lauren jumped up and down snapping pictures. She still had a few more years to go. My father slapped me on the back. Good job Sarah! Thank you! I did do a good job didnt I? I said laughingly while Stacy nodded her head in agreement. After another grueling hour in the sun, hats flew in the air and my son walked over to us. Well I did it! Yes you did, and I am so proud of you! I held tightly to my firstborn. Have you decided yet what you are going to do with the rest of your life? Brady teased him. He stuck out his chin proudly. Im going to be a secret agent just like my dad. Brady squeezed my hand knowingly while a lump formed in my throat. Brady leaned over and whispered in my ear. Put it in Gods hands.

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(Secrets of an Undercover Agent is copywritten by Bethany K. Scanlon- All Rights Reserved)

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From the same author on Feedbooks: "Born of the Spirit" (2006) "Where's My Mate?" (2006) "Where's my money?" (2007) "Win Your Battles" (2008) "Searching for Liberty,Grace and Destiny" (2008) "Want to find your mate? Bible Study" (2008) "Fate of the Just: The Missing Manuscript" (2008) "The Bear Trap" (2008) "The Prosperity Preacher" (2009) "New Life" (2009) "The Spirit of Triumph" (2009) "Biblical Finances" (2009) "Recognizing Religion" (2009) "Addiction to Authority" (2009) "Silly Women" (2009) "The Life of a Lie" (2009) "Secrets of an Undercover Agent #2 "Slated Destiny"" (2009)

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www.feedbooks.com Food for the mind

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