1
Adapted from Tham’s Sexed Up Guide to Grammar.
1
b) Contraction
The apostrophe is used to indicate missing letters.
Batman could not wait to kiss Joker’s painted red lips.
The sentence becomes:
Batman couldn't wait to kiss Joker’s painted red lips.
People contract words all the time. We rarely use the two words when
one contraction will do.
Test: If you can insert letters to complete the contraction, it is a true
contraction. If you can't, it is a possessive.
Whose vs Who's
Whose is possessive. Who's is a contraction of who is.
Joker, whose lips were pressed firmly against Batman's neck, shivered
with delight. Batman, who's not afraid of a little romance, threw Joker
against the wall and kissed him.
2
The Comma (,)
Batman breathed heavily; he was angry. He hated the misuse of commas. He knew that
high school teachers tell students to put a comma where they took a breath, but that is
wrong. “Commas,” he said, “separate elements in a sentence.”
Commas are used:
• To separate independent clauses linked by a coordinating conjunction
such as for, and, or, so, but, nor and yet.
Joker is crazy, but he isn't stupid.
• To set off introductory elements that modifies a word or words in the
main independent clause that follows:
Unfortunately, Joker is also unpredictable.
• To set off non-restrictive elements. (huh? Let Batman explain while he
massages your neck.)
Commas go around an element that is not essential to the meaning of the
sentence.
Joker's Goons, who live in Gotham, like to hang out in the Narrows.
The element is not essential to the meaning of the sentence – it is just extra
information.
• Commas are used to separate items in a series:
Joker sat at the table and applied white greasepaint to his face, red lipstick to
his mouth, and black kohl around his eyes.
• Commas are also used to separate coordinate adjectives.
Batman is a big, hunky vigilante.
The Colon (:)
The colon is used to introduce a statement that summarizes or explains
what is said in an independent clause.
Joker pulled out his Glock and issued a warning: “Misuse the colon and
I’ll blast you to smithereens.”
A colon is also used before a list of items that are referred to in the main
clause. The items in the list are separated by semi-colons:
Batman told joker that if he really wanted to be his boytoy, he would have
to do three things: brush his teeth; take a bath; and stop wearing that
godawful purple suit.
3
Punctuating Dialogue:
The comma comes after the last word inside the quotation marks and
before the name of the speaker or the word said.
“Kiss me you big, hunky vigilante,” Joker said.
If there is no dialogue tag (Joker said), but an action, you put a period
after the last word inside the quotation marks.
“Kiss me, you big, hunky vigilante.” Joker grabbed Batman and threw
him against the wall.
Verbs/Adverbs:
A good rule of thumb is to remove all or most of your adverbs. They are a
sign that you are not using a strong verb. It is better to use one strong verb
than a weak verb and adverb.
Weak:
The Joker moved quickly to Batman and held him tightly in an embrace
Strong:
The Joker marched to Batman and crushed him in an embrace.
The Ellipsis (…)2
The ellipsis indicates halting speech or an unfinished sentence in dialogue.
An ellipsis consists of three dots ... within a sentence or four dots .... at the
2
Adapted from The Transitive Vampire.
4
end of a sentence. More dots do not convey longer pauses, just bad
punctuation.
Batman grimaced. “Your potato peeler is…sticking into my neck….”
A dash can indicate an abrupt change or break in the continuity of a
sentence.
Batman leered at Joker. “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just
happy to--“
Joker grabbed Batman and kissed him, shutting him up. “You wanna
know,” he said when he ended the kiss, “ where I got this banana in my
pocket?”
3
Adapted from The Turkey City Lexicon
5
Batman saw Joker almost as soon as he entered the room. He crouched
behind a potted plant. “Damn,” Batman said as Joker waved at him from
across the room. “He saw me.” When Batman stood up, Joker blew him
a kiss.
The only time to avoid repeating a word is really unusual words like
"vertiginous." Better to reuse a simple dialogue tag or phrase than to contrive
cumbersome methods of avoiding them.
Bad: “Down on the floor!” Joker commanded loudly and waved his gun in the
air.
6
Better: “Down on the floor!” Joker said and waved his gun in the air.
Best: Joker waved his gun in the air. “Down on the floor!”
Said is one of the words in dialogue that virtually disappears from the reader’s
view. Use it. Better yet, try to use dialogue and action instead of ‘said’ and
adverbs when you can. Better yet, kill the adverb. It deserves to die.
Batman pushed Joker against the wall. “Kiss me.”
“No.” Joker turned his face away.
“Yes,” Batman said. “You must.”
Joker spat in Batman’s face. “I wouldn’t kiss you if you were the last bat
in Gotham.”
“Please...”
“OK.” Joker kissed him.
7
All those fancy verbs instead of said and adverbial directions are distracting. It’s
called “purple prose” and is to be avoided at all costs.
Here, the writer is telling the reader that Joker loves knives, but that’s OK for this
is part of a scene meant to divulge a bit about Joker’s past so telling is OK. If you
only tell and don’t show, your prose will be lifeless and your reader bored.
Countersinking
Countersinking is a subtle form of telling not showing in which the action clearly
implied in dialogue is made explicit.
"Let's get out of here,” he said, urging her to leave.
The “urging her to leave” is redundant since the dialogue already indicates the
intent of the speaker.
8
White Room Syndrome
This is when the writer fails to provide concrete sensory details in the story so that
the reader has no idea what the setting looks like.
When you provide your reader with concrete sensory details – sight, smells,
sounds, textures, tastes, you ground your reader in the scene and it becomes real
to them.
Batman ran down the alley and went through an open door into a building
and saw a man in the corner. He grabbed the man and threw him onto a
table.
“Where is he?”
Contrast the spare non-descript paragraph to the following”
Batman ran down the narrow alley, dodging overflowing trash cans,
splashing through puddles from a recent rain. The stench of urine and
days-old garbage assaulted his senses. He threw open a heavy wooden
door with a broken lock and entered the cool darkness of the old
brownstone warehouse. An older man with tattered clothing and filthy
dreadlocks huddled in the shadows. Batman grabbed him by the neck and
threw him onto a rickety aluminium table.
“Where is he?”
Choose one character to use for the scene and stick to only what they can see and
know. In the paragraph above, Batman should be the Point of View character, but
it is not clear who is really the POV character since we hop from head to head.