just wanted to write some things for you that i was speaking out loud this morni ng.

I felt sick, very tired, wanted to stay home - and miss a ride to the Plaza? hell yes! but i very often speak out loud, express my thoughts in this manner i was saying how i can see things in the sun - this has been in my photos, too, in the rays of the sun - faces, most often. but i can also see figures - very small. do you know at the end of Ghost, when Patrick Swayze is being taken into the lig ht and saying goodbye? that is what they look like also, when i was doing a past life regression in Holbrook, i got no images. So d isappointing. but i did see heads bent over me, as though i were a baby in a cri b and they were looking down. they had a hazy look like when someone has an eye operation in a film and still have gauze on them. Just shadows of heads, really , but moving, so you know they are people i have had so many experiences like these, so many i cant talk about, and someti mes, people wont listen. they are so busy looking at me, watching what i am lik e and how i act, and my family, etc. that they cannot hear what i am saying. and that is a shame. i have tried to change that, but i really believe the change has to come from them. from their lack of judgement. from their knowing what is really important here we are all able to be judged, that is why we cannot judge each other in any real way. but we often do. it is so easy and tempting. to be able to say, rather, t hat people hurt you, and why, that is acceptable, more so than condemning them o r insulting them. you may be just hurt or feel slighted or rejected, or need lo ve that you dont get, need understanding and meet coldness instead. and at the worst times God may be judging us one day on the small things, the subtle things we do or s ay that often go unnoticed so that we think we are so fine, so cool, and He thin ks anything but it is great to face the judgements now, while you are on this earth. That way, y ou clear the shit out while you are alive, and then maybe have a new life foreve r. i realized today that maybe it is not the best th, to be free of condemnation and get to be a ever and feel like you are just fine. i think n the end eventually you do have to answer for Dessert should come later, not too early And maybe the life that will come is permanent. not transitory like ours now I know that God is real because of the way certain prayers and requests for sign s were answered. in outward manifestations around me. so that was not a delus ion, or hallucination, or electronic harrassment, where my brain and mind were i nfluenced. nothing like that can cause out ward signs around you the way i expe rienced them. i have read the scary intrusive far out stuff on the Internet - i believe in som e, if not all. like MKULTRA, HAARP, the way claims are made that governments no w can cause earthquakes, influence weather, people s minds, so much. I asked Where is God in all this? then i knew. He is in the Sun. the Sun is the one thing that can never be touched, altered, thing to have it easy here on ear monster, outspoken, selfish, what that will catch up with you and i everything

influenced, because you cannot even get close enough to the Sun to land vehicles on it or have satellites encircle it. So the Sun remains untouched even if the re were such technology and capabilities. That is one true manifestation of God When the Sun is out, it warms us and brings life to things and changes our surro undings. it is the best indication of hope we have. Cherish it. Dont be afraid to ask to see its presence on even the cloudiest day. in days and times like these, with technology engulfing and controlling so much and frightening so many, that is your brightest hope that some things can never be changed or harmed.