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Do you have the ultimate relationship? Do you have your dream job? Do you go to bed at night and tell yourself, Great
Job? Are you where you want to be in life?
If not, whats standing in your way?
Do you beat yourself up because of fear and hesitancy, leaving yourself even weaker for the next round?
Do you hate yourself every time you see or hear that someone else getting what they wanted out of life and thought,
Everything is so easy for them; its no wonder they have so much confidence!
You are not alone. Everyday people are struggling to have a good relationship, job or just to feel good every now and then.
Its a confidence game that sometimes feels impossible to win.
The good news is you can get some base hits, a few home runs and inch-by-inch you CAN crack the confidence code!
What if I told you the only thing standing between you and what you want in life is YOU your belief systems, your inner
voice, your ability to define what you really want and take action?
What if I said the hardest part is taking that first step and making the decision to do something about your struggle with
confidence? Confidence might not be a magic bullet that tears through all lifes difficulty, but its the definitely the right place
to start.
Even the most confident people fail as often as they succeed, if not more. Tony Robbins is the first to tell you that at one point
in his life he lost everything. Donald Trump publicly went bankrupt, not to mention countless others. Some are famous, and
some are probably in your backyard. Its a tough economy and the most important thing you can do to creating emotional
fitness to survive all the curveballs life is throwing at you is to focus on your building your confidence.
Its not just about setting a goal; its about understanding the bar you set for your life. Can you leap over it? Or do you step
over it? Or worse, are you a professional limbo dancer?
All kidding aside, it truly is about knowing with absolute certainty how high you want to set that bar. Think about Donald
Trump. When Donald was rebuilding his empire, did he set his goal to be a millionaire? No. He set his sights to be on top and
be a billionaire again. Something most people never even dream about, and thats okmaking ends meet for some of us is a
great bar too!
Is Donald more confident than other people? Possibly. He certainly needed confidence in himself to make it happen the first
time around, not to mention the second. The truth is, he probably was shaken and did lose some confidence in himself. But
because he had done it before, he believed he could do it again. He didnt lower his bar when the chips were done. He knew
what to do, learned from his mistakes and took action.
Most truly confident people realize failure is an opportunity to learn and get better. They dont use failure as a reason to deem
themselves incapable or subpar. It really is the simple things that make the difference.
Fight for every inch, stay focused and you can do anything you want. But it starts with YOU. By making small changes,
breaking up your routine, and tapping into the passion thats been stagnant, you can finally create the life you deserve.
Just by reading this list, absorbing the tips and tricks best suited to you, and even potentially reading a couple of the
recommended books* in this guide, you have taken action to start living a better, more confident lifeTODAY.
*From the editor of Pick The Brain:
In this guide, you will notice weve added links to our favorite books that have made a difference in our lives. It is a powerful suggested reading list
that supplements the tips. So if you need more information on a particular tip, you can either choose to click on the title, which will take you
directly to right then and there. Or, you can wait and check out the resource list at the end.
As you probably noticed, we recently redesigned our site for better readability and in doing so got rid of many of the ads that cluttered the site.
Since we have staff to pay and servers to maintain, we hope you dont mind that our links do include a special code from Amazon so that we can
be receive a small percentage of any sales. (Of course you do not pay any more because of this, but if youd prefer to click on a non-afliate link,
we did include those as well on the resource list---its your choice and we tried to make it easy for you.)
Most importantly, please know we always appreciate your support and want to do our best to add value to you and your life. We love these books
and feel great about sharing this list, but please dont buy a book you dont need, wont read or share with a friend or loved one! We look forward
to hearing your success stories from the tips and any comments if you do decide to check out a book. (Its like our own private book clubsort of!)
1. FOCUS ON YOU. Understand most people's actions have nothing to do with you. It's easy enough to interpret the
actions of other people that hurt you and waste precious time and effort agonizing on what you did wrong and how you
could have done something different. Instead focus on the positive things you bring to the table, and understand that
you simply cant make unhappy people, happy. Try reading .The Courage to Be Free: Discover Your Original Fearless
2. KEEP YOUR ENGINE OPTIMIZED. Eat the best diet possible. Focus on whole, fresh foods, and avoid anything
heavily processed. Always consume saturated fats and sodium in moderation. It's amazing the difference you'll
experience, inside and out, when you're giving your body the fuel it needs to properly function. A terric book to help
you keep your body running at its best is, The Full Plate Diet.
3. CONNECT POSITIVE EMOTIONS TO YOUR BODY. Make a personal soundtrack that gets you pumped and
moving. Play it whenever you need a quick pick-me-up or boost in condence. If possible, take time to sing and dance
along with your tunes.
4. GROUND YOURSELF THROUGH TOUCH. Don't neglect your sense of touch. Humans are more tactile than you
realize, and engaging your sense of touch can spark creativity and satisfy your need for a rich sensory diet. You don't
have to go out of your way to do this; simply take the time to enjoy activities such as scooping a handful of smooth
pebbles, then letting them run through your ngers or dipping your feet into a cool stream.
5. FOCUS ON PURPOSEFUL PASSION. Discover your passion. What is it you love doing most? Once you discover
your true passion, you can take meaningful steps to live a life with the time and energy necessary to make your passion
a primary focal point in your life. If you love to write, but have no idea for a book, start a blog or take a writing class. If
you love to sing, but are too old for American Idol, get a karaoke machine. A great read to help you fuel your inner re
is, Create A Life That Tickles Your Soul.
6. BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT. If you're transitioning between weights, perhaps you'll only want a few new outts. But
well-tting, body-attering clothes can provide an enormous boost in your natural self-esteem. Don't wait for some
magic ideal weight to wear clothes that help you look your best. Though clothes don't make the person, it's hard to feel
condent when your outsides are sending the wrong signal. Create your personal style that makes you feel good! A
really fun read that is supported by great review is Freakin' Fabulous: How to Dress, Speak, Behave, Eat, Drink,
Entertain, Decorate, and Generally Be Better than Everyone Else.
7. STREAMLINE YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Create a clean living environment for yourself. We all have individual tastes
our homes should reect. But a cluttered, messy environment saps energy. Take the time to rid your space of items
serving no purpose and set an effective organization system in place. You'll feel more relaxed and better able to use
your home as a place to unwind and recharge. A quick read that is extremely helpful with simple tricks and tips is 101
Ways to Clean Out the Clutter.
8. GET RID OF YOUR TO DO LIST. Do a brain dump of all the tasks hanging over your head, and then take care of
them, one by one and once and for all. This doesn't mean youll instantly have a neat black line through every one.
Taking care might mean you decide there are a few things that simply arent worth doing. You'll feel a tremendous
sense of relief once you have either nished these tasks or given yourself permission to nally let them go. The very
best book on the planet for this is Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity.
9. MOVE YOUR BODY. Find an exercise you enjoy and incorporate it into your daily or weekly routine. Take the stairs,
go on a short walk at lunch with a co-worker or by yourself. Physical tness is crucial for your health, and movement is
an essential need for mental well being, too. You will feel much happier and more condent once your body is t and
active, and no longer sluggish.
10. PARTICIPATE IN ACOMMUNITY. This can be online or ofine. Get to know your neighbors. You don't have to be
best friends, but take time to smile and say a few words to the people living near you. Compliment their owerbeds or
ask about their pets or kids. Feeling connected to your community and those around you fosters a greater sense of
belonging to something larger than yourself. If you are shy, or even hate your neighbors, going online and connecting
with family, old friends or making new ones who love what you love will empower you. Having trouble getting a
conversation? Try the inspiring read, The Fine Art of Small Talk: How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build
Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!
11. LAUGH AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN. When you laugh, your brain releases endorphins that ll you with
happiness and condence, allowing your body to release some of the tension built up during the day. Make sure you
include in your daily routine the people, publications and assorted media that are sure to make you laugh. Find a
YouTube channel that delights you, or a snarky blogger that makes you gigglejust make it a part of your daily routine
to laugh. Even if you arent a practical joker, this book is worth the read just to laugh Cubicle Warfare: 101 Ofce Traps
and Pranks.
12. BECOME ACARE GIVER. If you arent married, or dont have kids or a parent to take care of, consider getting a
pet. Caring for a pet and experiencing the unconditional love pets give back is a rewarding, enriching experience that
builds trust and condence. Pets also encourage their owners to remember their playful side and motivate them to get
your bodys much needed exercise. And they even keep you healthy, a well written book on the subject is a book called
The Healing Power of Pets: Harnessing the Amazing Ability of Pets to Make and Keep People Happy and Healthy.
13. CHANGE YOUR STATE NATURALLY. Limit your alcohol intake. Light drinking is ne, but excessive drinking can
have a detrimental effect on your health and leave you chronically short of energy. Worse, you may feel as though you
can't come out of your shell without it. Afrmations are a great way to start learning how to pump up your life. Get
started today with this book Afrmations--Your Passport to Happiness.
14. START SAYING NO. That moment when you rst understand you don't have to say yes to every request is
extremely powerful. Feeling as though you're at the beck and call of anyone who asks you for a favor is a condence
killer because you will be constantly afraid of what will happen if you say no. Once you realize things can and will go on
without your involvement, you can build condence based on doing those things that matter to you most. Make it a
game and reward yourself when you set a clear boundary. If you struggle with this in your life, this book is a must read
to get you back on track! When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.
15. START YOUR URGENCY JUNKIES DETOX PROGRAM. Learn to work uninterrupted. The difference in your
results will amaze you when you choose to focus on doing one thing rather than constantly letting a myriad of phone
calls, emails and other assorted interruptions blast your time to pieces. Remember, if the problem isnt yours, you
shouldnt add it to your list. And this doesn't only apply to work. You should set aside small time blocks dedicated for
relaxation and recreational activities, too. If you are an idea person but cant nd the time or willpower to take action,
read this Seth Godin favorite: Making Ideas Happen: Overcoming the Obstacles Between Vision and Reality.
16. TREAT YOUR INNER CIRCLE LIKE AN IMPORTANT CLIENT. Make time for family and friends. It's easy to
assume youll catch up with them later, but life is too short and precious to make those who love you wait. You're also
cheating yourself out of good feelings, a sense of security and a sense of deep belonging when you neglect the most
important people in your life. Try reading this book to get closer to the people you love. The Friendship Factor: How to
Get Closer to the People You Care For.
17. DUMP YOUR ARTIFICIAL LOVER. Assess your relationship with food. Although it's true some foods have greater
nutritional value than others, it's never helpful framing your food choices as naughty or bad. Choose a more matter-of-
fact mindset about your eating and dont allow it to become a destroyer of your self-esteem. Eat to fuel your body, not to
make you feel better. This book really gives some great ideas on how to feel better without food, 50 Ways to Soothe
Yourself Without Food.
18. START BREATHING. Proper breathing is one of the core elements to feeling calm and centered. Short, shallow
breaths leave you feeling constantly anxious and on edge. If you learn to control your breathing, you will have a tool to
keep your cool in even the most stressful situations. The next time you are stressed or upset, take 10 deep breaths and
put your hands over your head. Then take action. You might surprise yourself. A phenomenal book to read that lays this
philosophy out clearly is Three Deep Breaths: Finding Power and Purpose in a Stressed-Out World.
19. Relax. Embrace quiet. Don't be eager to ll every waking moment with activity and noise. Realize you can be
comfortable when alone with your thoughts and youll be surprised how much you enjoy the silence.
20. DO SOMETHING NICE FOR NO REASON. It might be a clich, but practice random acts of kindness every single
day. Its the gift that keeps on giving! You'll not only spread joy to others, but in doing so you'll also reinforce the internal
thought that you are a good and worthy person. Smile, hold a door open, get someone a glass of water. Surprise others
with your generosity and see what happens. Try reading this book to get motivated Why Good Things Happen to Good
People: How to Live a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life by the Simple Act of Giving.
21. CREATE AKIND WORDS FILE. All those kind words and thank you emails might junk up your inbox, but start
ling them in a kind words folder. This sounds corny but when you get a compliment, put it in a le. When you nd
yourself wondering if you are good enough, or if you ever do anything right, you can read it and remember all the great
things you have done and the difference you've made in the lives of others. (Even an annoying chain email from a
friend is a sign they were thinking of you.)
22. EXERCISE YOUR MIND. Practice guided meditation. Meditation is an awesome way to relax your mind and body.
Being able to effectively deal with stress will give you the faith to try new things, and the ability to deal with whatever life
throws your way. Most importantly, learning to quiet the mind actually means you can control your own thoughts and
gives you control over negative. A simple 8 minute exercise can change everything according to Victor N. Davich in his
book 8 Minute Meditation: Quiet Your Mind. Change Your Life.
23. BE DEMANDING. Realize you can ask for things. You'll be surprised how many people would love to help you if only
they knew what you needed. Unfortunately, most of us believe our loved ones should be mind readers or anticipate our
needs. But the truth is you dont always know what you want or need. Getting clear and asking for help can be a real
condence booster as shown in the book Help Is Not a Four Letter Word: When Doing It All is Doing You In.
24. MAKE YOUR MONEY WORK FOR YOU. Money is a tool. It's neither a measure of your worth or something
inherently evil to be avoided. Money will never equal automatic happiness or erase your stress. Your dealings with
money should never driven by fear. Youre in charge of your happiness. If you want to know how your emotions play
into money, try reading The Smartest Way to Save: Why You Can't Hang on to Money and What to Do About It.
25. STOP ROLE PLAYING. How many roles do you play each day? Mother, Father. Sister, Brother, Boss, Employee,
Daughter, Sonits endless and can become mindless if you dont understand your core values. Are you passionate?
Funny? Loving? Creative? Dene those values and hold them tight. Then ask yourselfhow can I be a more
passionate mother? or how can I be more creative as a sister? A clear picture of what you value most in life makes it
easier to devise a plan allowing you to live by those values and embrace the roles you have been playing. When we
forget to honor our values, we begin to feel unmotivated, lost and frustrated. (Look for Pick The Brains workbook
coming soon!)
26. FEED YOUR BRAIN. Read or listen to books on a regular basis. Reading helps us understand the thoughts and
views of others and provides us the skill we need to better understand the world around us. Your brain is a muscle that
needs to be used, tested and engaged, just like your mind and heart. Even a casual game can do wonders for
improving clarity, retention and overall learning capacity. Try reading this book explaining to you the principles on how
the brain works and how we can use them to our benet at home and work (it even explains why multi-tasking is a no-
no) Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School.
27. START MAKING MIND MAPS. Seeing your ideas in an easy to understand visual will spark your inner creativity
and allow you to see how many great ideas you can produce. 90% of the world is made up of visual learners and
thinkers. Youd be shocked by how much better this method is for planning than a linear list of to-dos. (We will be
releasing a Pick The Brain mind mapping process for building your lifes blueprintcoming soon!)
28. BUILD CONFIDENCE IN OTHERS. Ghandi said, Be the change you want to see in the world. When we allow
ourselves to see the good in others, we're more open to seeing the best in ourselves. The Law of Attraction is focused
on positive vibrations, and many people believe the universe gives to those that give from the heart. But you must be
congruent. Body language is everythingwhat is your body telling others? If you want to learn more about this
fascinating subject read The Denitive Book of Body Language.
29. FOCUS ON ISSUES, NOT PEOPLE. Don't be quick to criticize others. Be gentle with the people in your life, and
always do your best to understand their general perspective and unique set of challenges. Your kindness to others will
inevitably rub off on yourself. By focusing on issues, you will be focused on how you can contribute better to the
situation and focus on solutions to your problems.
30. END THE BLAME GAME. If your sentence starts with or has the word you in the rst 3 words, youre guilty of the
blame game. Take responsibility for your actions. It might surprise you, but the more you accept responsibility, the
better your condence will be. When you acknowledge your role, you are accepting responsibility for your actions,
rather than being at the mercy of circumstance. Resolving problems with I feel rather than you did or you make me
feel will be an instant condence boost and helps you let go of the anger you might be holding onto. Read The Anger
Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life to be a happier person and a better communicator.
31. PARENT YOURSELF. Get regular health, wellness and dental checkups. Make a commitment to take charge of your
health, be determined to make it happen, and send a powerful message to both your mind and body that you matter.
32. BECOME ACFO. Learn to make a budget. Treat your personal expenses just like you would at work. Tie
entertainment expenditures to a job well done in the health column. Claiming control of your nances is one of the rst
steps to having a healthy attitude when dealing with money. For practical ways to build your budget try reading The
Budget Kit: The Common Cents Money Management Workbook.
33. STOP GOSSIPING. Indulging in rumors might make you feel good for the moment, but eventually you'll start
worrying what others are saying about you, and rightly so. Always take the high road and you will never have to worry if
you are part of the problem. Encourage others to address the problems head on and never be a harbor for negativity.
34. WORSHIP THE SUN. Get plenty of sunlight. Darkness and articial light can adversely affect your moods, and send
those who are most susceptible down a long and winding road of depression. Even if your job keeps you working
indoors, open the curtains wide and bathe yourself in natural light. Your brain and body will both appreciate it. Use SPF
and apply frequently, but realize the sun is your friend when you are prepared. Vitamin D is essential. To understand its
power to transform you read Vitamin D Prescription: The Healing Power of the Sun & How It Can Save Your Life.
35. PLAY GAMES. Play board games with friends and family. Not only is playing games a great way to have fun and
connect, they keep the circuits in your brain active and healthy. Besides, winning is a fun and easy way to build
condence or even a skill set. Two fun games you might not have played are Bannangrams and Qwirkie. (Check them
out and let us know what you think!)
36.CREATE ONE NEW HABIT EACH MONTH. Break a bad habit such as drinking, smoking or texting while driving.
Changing your bad behavior will not only leave you healthier or safer, but also prove you have the power to alter your
habits when given the proper tools. It takes 30 days to break a habit and the biggest roadblock is when you try to quit
multiple things at once. Laser focus on doing 1 thing better per month betters your chances of making it stick. A classic
read is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
37. BE GRATEFUL. Tony Robbins says in gratitude there can be no fear. Try it. Its true. Practice gratitude daily. Take
note of the many wonderful things you have in your life and appreciate them for what they are. Being humble is
paradoxically one of the best ways to act with condence, as your actions dont tie to fear of losing an articially high
self-image. Try writing down one thing you are grateful for each night before you go to bed, it can be magical. If you
want to know how to get back to the basics of being grateful, try reading The Lost Art of Gratitude (Isabel Dalhousie).
38. SPEAK SOFTLY. Learn the power of a whisper. People tune out when you are shrill, shouting or shrieking. On the
other hand, whispering, or just lowering your voice, invites them to hear fully what you are trying to say. The loudest
voice isn't necessarily the one people hear. Try this for fun with your family. Get their attention, speak quietly, almost
make them strain to hear you and see how the level of engagement goes up.
39. GO BACK TO KINDERGARTEN. Don't leave arts and crafts back in elementary school. We might not all be skilled
and talented artisans, but we can all experience the sense of accomplishment that comes alongside being creative with
our hands. Painting, pottery, knitting...all of these types of handcrafts are tremendous for the mind and spirit. Get in
touch with your creativity and read The Creative Edge: Exercises to Celebrate Your Creative Self.
40. RSS FEED YOUR FAVORITE BLOGS. Even if you are an introvert, nd a community where you feel like you
naturally belong. Everyone has a basic need to feel connected, even if your social needs are different. Even if all you do
is enjoy the content and watch others engage, it still will empower you. Knowing you have a community to fall back on
gives you the freedom to take the risks that give avor to your life.
41. TAKE BABY STEPS. Sure, we all have the crazy thing on our vision board, but you must tie achievable mini goals
to your dreams if you expect them to come true. Even if you want a jet, nding a way to make or save an extra $100.00
per month and knowing youre closer to your goal can be invigorating. The mind needs to believe you can do it to help
you get it done. Your goal can be anything from running your rst 5K to cleaning out your garage. The trick is nding
something you really want to do and making an internal promise to follow through with your goal no matter what. A
great read on minor changes making a major difference is One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way.
42. TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. Treat your family, service people and any people who
have less power than you with respect and kindness. Yes, you will be doing the right thing, but you'll also discover that
those people will be genuinely happy and eager to help you however they can. What we give is what we get, always.
Understanding the difference between men and women in interpersonal relationships is also extremely powerful. This
book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs explains it well.
43. WRITE WEEKLY LOVE LETTERS. Take time to write one person (even yourself) a letter each week. Let them
know you're thinking of them. Perhaps you could tell them a story you think they'll nd amusing. Keep your connections
strong and your condence will grow stronger. If you have no one to write to but yourself, create an imaginary friend or
lover and write to them, you might be surprised at what could manifest. If you nd it hard to get your heart on paper, you
might really enjoy The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication.
44. PLAY HOOKY. Occasionally indulge in a bit of hooky. There is absolutely no reason why you have to live in fear of
taking a day off and losing your position, prestige or whatever is most important to you. Take the rare day and revel in
knowing you will continue being wanted and needed, and for that one day you are giving yourself a well-deserved
break. If you have kids, drop them off at your parents or a babysitters house and sneak back home and do nothing.
Guilty pleasures add variety to our life.
45. MAKE RULES FOR YOU. Create routines that give structure to your day. Consistency and structure isnt just
important for children to thrive. Although spontaneity is something to embrace, having a set routine gives you the
foundation needed to create days that are less hectic, more productive, and happier overall. Want to do it quickly? This
book will tell you exactly how! The Creative Edge: Exercises to Celebrate Your Creative Self.
46. HELP OTHERS. Be generous with your help. When you give others the tools they need to succeed you are never
hurting yourself. If you have been holding onto the fear that more for others means less for you and you will experience
abundance for all.
47. NO MORE DATE NIGHTS. If you have a romantic partner or spouse, connect with them as often as possible, not
just on date night. Smiles, touches and compliments are all little ways to show them how much you love and appreciate
who they are and what they do for you. A happy, healthy relationship is truly a blessing. A real eye opener to the world
of happy marriages is The Exceptional Seven Percent: The Nine Secrets of the Worlds Happiest Couples.
48. BE YOUR OWN BRAND. Don't buy into status symbols. Despite what commercials tell you, you can never buy self-
esteem. It is always best to avoid the endless pursuit of acquiring more and more material goods in an effort to shore
up your feelings of worth. Buy things because they are useful or beautiful to you, not for how someone else may see
them. (More on personal branding to let the world know who you are once and for all from Pick The Brainstay tuned!
49. THANK YOUR BODY &YOUR BRAIN. Make peace with your body. Of course, you will still want to make
improvements to stay healthy and active for years to come. But rst you must rst understand no matter what size or
shape, or how wrinkly or short or tall you might be, you are a person deserving of love and dignied treatment from
yourself and others. When youre run down, tell your body its ok to rest. Act like you are healing and you will heal. Try
doing brain exercises (theyre fun!). Indulge in a buffet of brainteasers to build your attention, enhance your memory,
and sharpen your concentration. A highly recommended resource is Broccoli For The Brain where you will nd 74 mind-
bending puzzles scientically proven to develop the skills of concentration, attention, and focus.
50. GET JIGGY WITH IT. Do things differently on occasion just because you can! Whether taking a different route to
work or trying a different restaurant for brunch, mixing things up is an excellent way to widen your comfort zone. Crack
an unexpected joke at worksee what happens.
51. CELEBRATE YOU. Understand there are ways to self-promote that arent sleazy, cheesy or in any way vain. If you're
genuinely proud of who you are and what you can do for yourself and others, it's up to you to make sure the word gets
out. You must love yourself rst and this book is a fantastic read In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You
52. FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES. Forgiveness is freedom. Don't carry around the leaden weight of old grudges and
blame, especially when directed at your self. In fact, if you start to see the people who hurt you as your greatest
teachers and thank them, you will free yourself. Make your peace, move on and live a more condent, happier life. Try
reading Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness (Faith Words).
53. BE WRONG. Always choose your relationships over an idea. You don't always have to be right. Knowing when to
prove your point and when to let go helps eliminate unnecessary strife, both in your life and in the lives of those closest
to you. Not sure how to implement this? A good book to check out is Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving
Conicts without Arguing.
54. CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE. Are your thoughts toxic? Watch your language. Is it peppered with "burden" words
like should, need or must? Switch your verbiage to words such as "want to" and you'll be surprised how much easier
tackling your to-dos can be. Most importantly, get rid of dont dos and add will dos. For example, change I will not
get upset to I will feel joy and be aware. How you speak with your partner and your expectations in a relationship will
make or break the union. Check out this great read Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought
Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship.
55. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. Keep your phone in your pocket. Compulsively checking email and text messages only
conrms your time belongs to others.
56. EAT. Make sure keeping yourself fed is a priority, rather than an afterthought. Eat regular meals. It is impossible to
function at your optimum level if you don't give your body the nourishment needed.
57. KILL YOUR CRITICAL VOICE. Take a close look at how you treat and talk to yourself. Imagine if somebody tried to
treat your child, spouse or parent in the same way? Imagine you talking to your daughter the way you talk to yourself.
Would it be motivating? Start comforting yourself when you make a mistake. As long as you treat yourself with
unkindness, your condence and self-image will always rest on shaky ground. Start using internal conversations as
your way to get back on track; try reading What to Say When you Talk To Yourself.
58. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. Sounds corny, sure, but imagine what a self condent person would do and do
exactly that. No self-image police are at the door checking your license to be condent. Many times the only person in
your way is you. Find someone you admire and be that person for a day, a week and month. Whatever it takes. Try
reading Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior.
59. BE COMFORTABLE. Wear comfortable shoes whenever possible. Distraction stemming from tired, achy feet is
never a good way to project power or poise. Do you ever notice how happy you feel when you are comfortable? Many
people struggle to actually stay happy. Being comfortable is a great place to start.
60. ASK QUESTIONS. Accept your limitations. You know all those things you think everyone else just knows? They
dont. If you don't know something, there is never shame in asking for the answer. Being unafraid to admit you don't
know is the rst step to nding the answer. Most importantly, the best way to build your condence is simply to ask
yourself better questions. This books breaks it down into 4 basic questions Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can
Change Your Life.
61. KNOW YOUR VALUE. Be clear on what you bring to any table. Being self-assured means you look within yourself
to nd the reassurance necessary in knowing you are truly worthwhile. Yes, it is always great to get compliments and
love from others, yet you must also realize that when your condence is based entirely on feedback, youll ounder
when in the company of those who are indifferent or hostile to you. Find strength in others, but don't hang all your self-
esteem on that particular hook. This book simplies the concept and helps you get started: Rock What You've Got:
Secrets to Loving Your Inner and Outer Beauty from Someone Who's Been There and Back.
62. MAKE FUN OF YOU. Laugh at yourself and delight in your own humanity. See yourself as an actor in a movie.
Watch yourself. Find the beauty in the personal drama of your occasional missteps or the irony in your anger or
sadness. By changing your mind, you can change your moodand your mood is tied directly to how you feel about
yourself. Try reading this great book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated.
63. BE AVIP. A VIP is a Volunteer Interested in People. Volunteer your time and talents to those in need. Not only will
you be helping people in your life who need a hand, you'll see just how much you have to offer others. Get in the mood
by reading this book on people who are changing the world How to Change the World: Social Entrepreneurs and the
Power of New Ideas, Updated Edition.
64. SPEND PURPOSEFULLY. Control your spending. If you nd yourself spending money you don't have, gure out
what causes you to act in opposition to your nancial wellbeing. While money can't buy happiness, feeling as though
you have no control over your nances is detrimental to your self worth. Invest in your life, as you would a business.
Keep your spending in line with your life purpose. Try reading I Will Teach You To Be Rich (its great!).
65. FIND AMENTOR OR COACH. Never be afraid to get assistance to live the life you deserve. There is no shame in
consulting with a coach or therapist to leap the hurdles standing in the way of healthy self-condence. This applies to
reading self-help books and blogs, as well. Others can offer us a fresh perspective when dealing with old problems.
66. BE AKID AGAIN. Never be ashamed to show joy or enthusiasm. Playing it cool is a good way to teach yourself to
ignore honest emotions, while hammering the thought that theres something shameful about your true self. Celebrate
everything you can publicly. When you reach a goal, take time to rejoice before moving on. This book might look like its
just for kids but I assure you its not! Have You Filled a Bucket Today: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids.
67. LOVE THE CAMERA. If you see a camera aimed your way and want to duck, ask yourself why? There are very few
super models out there, and even those get photo-shopped. There's nothing wrong with being un-photogenic, but the
more you avoid images of yourself the bigger a problem this becomes. It's just a picture; allow people in your life the
pleasure of having physical memories of you. See each photo opportunity as another example that you are important to
someone. If you really want to look better in photos, try cheating and reading this book: Doug Box's Guide to Posing for
Portrait Photographers (Your photo album wont know what hit it!).
68. SHOOT FOR THE MOON. Embrace dreaming BIG! These are your dreams, so why not SUPER SIZE them? You
might not be able to fully realize every single one, but by forcing yourself to dream of small, practical things you are
strangling your spirit. The only limit to your success is your belief system. An oldie but goodie for book reading is The
Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulllment of Your Dreams..
69. START AGANG. Even the bad news bears had each other! Gather friends on all sides. When networking, don't just
focus on the A-listers. Networking doesn't mean circling around the stars, it means making lasting and valuable
connections. In addition to looking for help, look for people YOU can help and bring them into your inner circle. Look for
people who enrich your life with their generosity, humor and kindness. Be a connector and condence will feel natural.
A classic read (and a must if you havent already) is How to Win Friends & Inuence People by Dale Carnegie.
70. LOSE YOURSELF. Who would have thought Eminem could be so prolic? Live in the moment and enjoy each day
for what it is. You only get one shot at this life. If you are lled with guilt, you are looking backwards. Be present in the
moment and take action TODAY. If you want more help with being present a great book to read is Fully Present: The
Science, Art, and Practice of Mindfulness.
71. GIVE YOURSELF TIME OUTS. When things are spiraling out of control, the best step is often taking a step back.
You can't see a clear path when you're in the midst of chaos. A decision made from anger or fear will not serve your
higher purpose. After you have cleared your mind, try a new activity! Some great suggestions can be found in an
excellent read, 104 Activities That Build: Self-Esteem, Teamwork, Communication, Anger Management, Self-Discovery,
Coping Skills.
72. RESPECT OTHERS. Be respectful of other people's time and energy. If you're asking for help or advice, come
prepared to do your part. Most people enjoy helping others, especially if they feel genuinely appreciated for their help.
A simple thank you, and heart felt your welcome could boost everyones condence.
73. BE PREPARED. Knowing you are prepared is the best way to fend off feelings of incompetence. Don't indulge in
wishful thinking when you can instead take practical steps to ensure youll do the best you are capable of doing. Every
meeting should have a goal with an agenda. Be focused on outcomes and dont take your eyes off the ball. Jack
Caneld is an expert on how to do this and shares it in his book, The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where
You Are to Where You Want to Be.
74. BE AFRAID. Fear is not a sign of weakness. Its a sign you are entering unknown territory and near growth.
Acknowledge your fear and understand it's there for a reason. Then push past it to experience the inner growth that will
boost your natural condence. Fear can save your life and fear can be your leverage. Acknowledge it, but be aware of
exit strategies to the situation as they come. Do they serve you? Or are you just wasting energy trying to escape
something that you cant avoid. Overcoming any fear starts with awareness. A wonderful book on this subject is Positive
Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love.
75. NO IFS, ANDS OR BUTS, LISTEN TO YOU GUT. If your instinct tells you something is a bad idea, always listen.
Intuition is an extremely powerful force and your unconscious mind can pick up on clues well before your logical brain. It
can take time separating reexive fear of the unknown from intuitive warnings, but as you learn to trust yourself and
listen to your body, you'll be able to tell the difference and act accordingly. If you would like to try and strengthen your
intuition please read The Intuitive Way: The Denitive Guide to Increasing Your Awareness.
76. BUILD THINGS. Play with Legos, blocks, Tinker Toys, anything fun that uses your hands! Fiddling with traditional
toys is a terric way to unlock the open, easy relationship you once had with your creative self. Finding your creative
space will give you more condence to tackle your projects. Open your creative channels with, Six Thinking Hats.
77. BE AGOOD LISTENER. Ask people to share their stories whenever possible. You can learn so much from the
experiences of others. By choosing to connect with your fellow human beings you can move your brain into a higher
gear in an extremely powerful way. The more you can relate to other people and understand how much we all have in
common, the more condent you'll naturally become. If you want to improve your relationships through listening, try
reading the book Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.
78. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL. Put systems in place for keeping schedules and managing lifes to-dos. The
exact system isnt important, only that you have a dened way to deal with things. Theres never a need to panic. Even
if your schedule requires outside assistance, you'll be relieved once you have a set way to handle your schedule and
tasks. Relief leads to success. No matter how big or small, it will be light the path to building your condence. Trying to
tackle too many things at once will add stress. To leverage power of focus that will empower your life, read The Power
of Focus: What the Worlds Greatest Achievers Know about The Secret of Financial Freedom and Success.
79. DEFINE YOU. Your weaknesses only dene you when you let them. People are not chain link fences. You might lack
strength in one area, but so what? That doesnt mean your inner YOU will evaporate. Working on your areas of
weakness is great. Self-improvement is always a good thing. Just remember you have strengths and weaknesses just
like everyone else. The trick is to know they dont need to dene you. Still not sure who you are? To nd out, read The
10Ks of Personal Branding: Create a Better You.
80. SET PERSONAL BENCHMARKS. Comparing yourself to others is a sure path to misery. Even if you stack up well
now, what happens if you fall from grace? Your self-esteem and condence must originate from the awareness that you
are a good and worthy person who can tackle everything life throws your way. It should never be how well you
compare with others. Doing better than you did last time can be a great feeling!
81. REMEMBER WHAT YOUR MAMA SAID. If you don't have anything nice to say, gure out why. Constant negativity
puts you in a position where you are unable to see opportunity and tend to view every potential ally as unworthy.
Therefore, you generally push away everyone and everything that could help you. Learn to embrace the positive and
you will boost your ability to tap into the condence inside. Read more about turning the negative into positive with The
Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.
82. GET RID OF BACK UP PLANS. Beware the doom and gloom mindset. Always focusing on a worst case
scenario will dim your ability to be condent. Focus on the plan for your ultimate success and avoid back up plans
because they divert your energy. The best outcome is always possible and you do in fact deserve it. If you are a rainy
day people, take the worry off your plate, by reading an interesting book called The Complete Worst-Case Scenario
Survival Handbook (Worst Case Scenario) (Let us know if you can think of a worst-case scenario they didnt cover).
83. FAIL MORE OFTEN. People, who push themselves, often fail to achieve a goal. But failure is not something to
avoid; it's part of the creative or entrepreneurial process. Avoiding failure at all costs is a sure way to avoid the risks that
can make you happiest. When you experience failure, you learn it's not the end of the world and can be the beginning
of something better. Not sure what good could come of this? A great book on the power of failure is Celebrating
Failure: The Power of Taking Risks, Making Mistakes and Thinking Big.
84. BE LUCKY. Any successful person will usually tell you that luck was a big factor to success. But the only way to be in
the right place at the right time is to work hard. There's no way around it; a lot of hard work gets you what you want out
of life. This doesn't mean the only thing you should do is work. Expecting things to fall into your lap and plugging away
without ever enjoying anything are two extremes to always avoid. Procrastination can sometimes be the biggest barrier
we face, to overcome it. If you nd yourself putting off what you could do today, try reading The Now Habit: A Strategic
Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play.
85. FIND YOUR TIRE KICKER. Our biggest teachers can also be our biggest critics. Learn what you can from any
criticism that comes your way. The critiques you nd yourself most resistant to can often teach you the most about
yourself, your fears and what you truly value. Evaluate critiques carefully, choosing wisely what you should take to
heart, and then choose to simply toss the rest away. A great resource is Criticism Management: How to More
Effectively Give, Receive, and Seek Criticism in Our Lives.
86. BE FLEXIBLE. A rigid determination to have things the way you feel they should be is a recipe for unhappiness.
Recognize that circumstances change and that all youve built wont be destroyed if you change course accordingly.
Knowing you have the strength to bend and adapt to anything will give you enormous condence. Think of a time when
you didnt get through a problem. Wasnt the biggest suffering your perception of the situation, rather than the situation
itself? Change your beliefs and you change everything. Check out this book on how to become your own power tool:
The Energy of Belief: Psychology's Power Tools to Focus Intention and Release Blocking Beliefs.
87. ENJOY LOVE. Live a life full of love. Love for yourself. Love for your family. Love for your friends. Love for your
passions. Look at your life in terms of who and what you love and embrace the love the universe sends back.
Understanding the different love languages of how you love, how you feel love and how those you love connect with
you is one of the easiest things to learn. Try this breezy but excellent read, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love
That Lasts.
88. CHANGE YOUR STATE. Its easier than you think. The next time you feel yourself dipping toward a natural low,
imagine something that will trigger a natural high. Remember a funny joke, or a time when you couldnt stop laughing.
Changing your state is sometimes the simplest way to get through the day with your smile intact.
89. PAY IT FORWARD. Remember something nice that someone did for you. Then take the time to pay that kindness
forward (preferably with interest). What goes around really does come around. Make sure you are treating each day as
the gift it is, and spreading kindness as often as possible.
90. START ANEST EGG. Saving for your future can make you feel far more condent in your present. You dont need
a million dollars to feel like a million bucks. Make sure you set aside a small amount for your future each and every
month. Soon you will have a fund that can help you in an emergency and keep you walking taller every day.
Don't think you must follow all 90 tips to succeed. Simply look at this list as a set of prompts to get you thinking about ways
you can amplify your inner YOU. Don't try to implement them all at once, either. Altering too many areas of your life at once
will leave you overwhelmed, frustrated and ready to quit before you even begin.
Just one or two positive changes a week on a consistent basis will get you on the road to having a strong sense of inner
confidence. With healthy self-esteem and a can-do attitude, you'll find things you once thought impossible are now easily
within reach.
Remember, having confidence means you know you can get things done, but self-esteem is the part of you that believes you
actually deserve them. It can be a chicken and an egg, but our belief is that if you start building your confidence, you hold onto
it by increasing your self-esteem.
Once your inner YOU blooms, you will understand you had it backwards before. It is because of their high confidence that
everything seems easy for others, not the other way around.
As we mentioned, if you nd any of the above book suggestions helpful, and would like to purchase any of the titles highly
recommended by our staff, friends and family, you can choose to use the links above or in the left column on the next
page in our resource area. This link means each book you buy will give a small percentage back to Pick The Brain, which
we can use to continuously improve our content.
Or, if you would rather not buy your book through the afliate link, thats ne too. We want to help you be the best YOU
that you can be, so please feel free to choose your titles from the non-afliate links on the right in the resource list below.
Have fun growing yourself!
Suggested Reading List
Book Title with non-afliate link Author PTB Custom Link*
1he Courage Lo 8e lree: ulscover ?our
Crlglnal learless Self.
Guy Finley
1he lull laLe uleL Stuart A. Seale
CreaLe A Llfe 1haL 1lckles ?our Soul. Suzanne Zoglio hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends003
lreakln' labulous: Pow Lo uress, Speak,
8ehave, LaL, urlnk, LnLerLaln, uecoraLe,
and Cenerally 8e 8euer Lhan Lveryone
Clinton Kelly hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends006
101 Ways Lo Clean CuL Lhe Cluuer. Emilie Barnes hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends007
Cemng 1hlngs uone: 1he ArL of SLress-
lree roducuvlLy.
David Allen hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends008
1he llne ArL of Small 1alk: Pow 1o SLarL a
Conversauon, keep lL Colng, 8ulld
neLworklng Skllls -- and Leave a osluve
Debra I|ne hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends010
Cublcle Warfare: 101 Cmce 1raps and
John Austin hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends011
1he Peallng ower of eLs: Parnesslng
Lhe Amazlng AblllLy of eLs Lo Make and
keep eople Pappy and PealLhy.
Marty Becker hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends012
Amrmauons--?our assporL Lo Papplness. Anne Marie Evers hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends013
When l Say no, l leel CullLy. Manuel J. Smith hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends014
Maklng ldeas Pappen: Cvercomlng Lhe
CbsLacles 8eLween vlslon and 8eallLy.
Scott Belsky hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends013
1he lrlendshlp lacLor: Pow Lo CeL Closer
Lo Lhe eople ?ou Care lor .
Alan Loy McGinnis hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends016
30 Ways Lo SooLhe ?ourself WlLhouL
Susan Albers hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends017
1hree ueep 8reaLhs: llndlng ower and
urpose ln a SLressed-CuL World.
Thomas Crum hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends018
Why Cood 1hlngs Pappen Lo Cood
eople: Pow Lo Llve a Longer, PealLhler,
Pappler Llfe by Lhe Slmple AcL of Clvlng.
Stephen Post hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends020
vlcLor n. uavlch ln hls book 8 MlnuLe
MedlLauon: CuleL ?our Mlnd. Change
?our Llfe.
Victor Davich
Pelp ls noL a lour Leuer Word: When
uolng lL All ls uolng ?ou ln.
Peggy Collins with Deborah
1he SmarLesL Way Lo Save: Why ?ou Can'L
Pang on Lo Money and WhaL Lo uo AbouL
Heidi E. Clingen hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends024
8raln 8ules: 12 rlnclples for Survlvlng
and 1hrlvlng aL Work, Pome, and School.
John Medina hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends026
1he uenluve 8ook of 8ody Language. Barbara Pease hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends028
1he Anger 1rap: lree ?ourself from Lhe
lrusLrauons LhaL SaboLage ?our Llfe
Les Carter hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends030
1he 8udgeL klL: 1he Common CenLs
Money ManagemenL Workbook.
Judy Lawrence hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends032
vlLamln u rescrlpuon: 1he Peallng
ower of Lhe Sun & Pow lL Can Save ?our
Eric Madrid hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends034
1he 7 PablLs of Plghly Lecuve eople. Stephen R. Covey hup://amzn.Lo/pLbrecommends036
1he LosL ArL of CrauLude (lsabel
Alexander Mccall Smith
The Creative Edge: Exercises to
Celebrate Your Creative Self.
Mary Todd Beam
Cne Small SLep Can Change ?our Llfe: 1he
kalzen Way.
Robert Maurer
Love & 8especL: 1he Love She MosL
ueslres, 1he 8especL Pe uesperaLely
Emerson Eggerichs
The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide
to Reclaiming Civilized Communication.
Margaret Shepherd
1he Creauve Ldge: Lxerclses Lo CelebraLe
?our Creauve Self.
Mary Todd Beam
1he Lxcepuonal Seven ercenL: 1he nlne
SecreLs of Lhe Worlds PapplesL Couples.
Gregory Msw Popcak
Broccoli For The Brain Michel Noir
ln Lhe Meanume: llndlng ?ourself and
Lhe Love ?ou WanL.
Iyanla Vanzant
lree ?ourself Lo Love: 1he Llberaung
ower of lorglveness (lalLh Words).
Jackie Kendall
Lverybody Wlns: 1he Chapman Culde Lo
Solvlng ConlcLs wlLhouL Argulng.
Gary Chapman
Why Can't You Read My Mind?
Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns
that Get in the Way of a Loving
Jeffrey Bernstein
WhaL Lo Say When you 1alk 1o ?ourself Shad Helmstetter
CeL CuL of ?our Cwn Way: Cvercomlng
Self-uefeaung 8ehavlor
Mark Goulston
Lovlng WhaL ls: lour Cuesuons 1haL Can
Change ?our Llfe.
Byron Katie
8ock WhaL ?ou've CoL: SecreLs Lo Lovlng
?our lnner and CuLer 8eauLy from
Someone Who's 8een 1here and 8ack.
Katherine Schwarzenegger
leellng Cood: 1he new Mood 1herapy
8evlsed and updaLed.
David D. Burns
Pow Lo Change Lhe World: Soclal
LnLrepreneurs and Lhe ower of new
ldeas, updaLed Ldluon.
David Bornstein
l Wlll 1each ?ou 1o 8e 8lch Ramit Sethi
Have You Filled a Bucket Today: A Guide
to Daily Happiness for Kids
Carol McCloud
uoug 8ox's Culde Lo oslng for orLralL
Douglas Allen Box
1he Seven SplrlLual Laws of Success: A
racucal Culde Lo Lhe lulllmenL of ?our
M.D. Deepak Chopra
Pow Lo Wln lrlends & lnuence eople Dale Carnegie
ls lully resenL: 1he Sclence, ArL, and
racuce of Mlndfulness.
Susan L. Smalley PhD
104 Acuvlues 1haL 8ulld: Self-LsLeem,
1eamwork, Communlcauon, Anger
ManagemenL, Self-ulscovery, Coplng
Alanna Jones
1he Success rlnclples(1M): Pow Lo CeL
from Where ?ou Are Lo Where ?ou WanL
Lo 8e.
Jack Caneld
osluve Lnergy: 10 LxLraordlnary
rescrlpuons for 1ransformlng laugue,
SLress, and lear lnLo vlbrance, SLrengLh,
and Love.
Judith Orloff
1he lnLuluve Way: 1he uenluve Culde Lo
lncreaslng ?our Awareness.
Penney Peirce
Slx 1hlnklng PaLs. Edward de Bono
!usL LlsLen: ulscover Lhe SecreL Lo Cemng
1hrough Lo AbsoluLely Anyone.
Mark Goulston M.D
1he ower of locus: WhaL Lhe Worlds
CreaLesL Achlevers know abouL 1he
SecreL of llnanclal lreedom and Success.
Jack Caneld
1he 10ks of ersonal 8randlng: CreaLe a
8euer ?ou.
Kaplan Mobray
1he llve 1hlngs We CannoL Change: And
Lhe Papplness We llnd by Lmbraclng
David Richo
1he CompleLe WorsL-Case Scenarlo
Survlval Pandbook (WorsL Case
Joshua Piven
Celebraung lallure: 1he ower of 1aklng
8lsks, Maklng MlsLakes and 1hlnklng 8lg.
Ralph Heath
1he now PablL: A SLraLeglc rogram for
Cvercomlng rocrasunauon and Ln[oylng
CullL-lree lay.
Neil Fiore
Crluclsm ManagemenL: Pow Lo More
Lecuvely Clve, 8ecelve, and Seek
Crluclsm ln Cur Llves.
Randy Garner
1he Lnergy of 8ellef: sychology's ower
1ools Lo locus lnLenuon and 8elease
8locklng 8ellefs.
Sheila Sidney, Ph.D. Bender
1he 3 Love Languages: 1he SecreL Lo Love
1haL LasLs.
Gary Chapman
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