Resources PDF

PA Resource List
by A. Little Bird March 22, 2008
This collection of ana and ED support resources is organized into six parts: Part One has various web resources, acronyms, unit conversions, and technical tips Part Two is food related low cal foods, diets, recipes, etc. Part Three has thinspiration links, tips, books, movies, etc. Part Four has quotes Part Five has poetry, original lyrics, and longer quotes Part Six is for those who dont have an eating disorder, but either want to help a friend who does, or think it would be really cool to develop one (wannarexics)
This file is located at: http://users.snip.net/%7Egbooker/resource-list.pdf

As noted in the footer, this document is intended primarily for those who already have an ED. Others should consult Parts Five and Six. Vastly bigger and better than this document is the Perfect Beauty Dorm web site; see http://www.freewebs.com/perfect_beauty/yourplate.htm. Also excellent is the Fading Obsession web site, http://www.fading-obsession.com/mainsite.php.
Table Of Contents
The SECRET code.......................................................................................................................... 5 Part One - Resources....................................................................................................................... 6 Web Resources............................................................................................................................ 6 Calorie Deficit............................................................................................................................. 7 Weight Loss Competition ........................................................................................................... 7 Acronyms.................................................................................................................................... 8 Conversions (approximate)......................................................................................................... 8 Body Mass Index (BMI) ............................................................................................................. 8 BMI for People under Age 20............................................................................................... 10 Another Set of BMI rules...................................................................................................... 10 Technical Tips........................................................................................................................... 12 Why and How to lock posts .................................................................................................. 12 Why and How to do an lj cut ................................................................................................ 12 Why and How to hide triggering text ................................................................................... 12 How to add images................................................................................................................ 12 How to Show an LJ Username.............................................................................................. 13 How to make little hearts ................................................................................................... 13 How to make an ana bracelet ................................................................................................ 13 Part Two - Food ............................................................................................................................ 14 Calorie Trivia ............................................................................................................................ 14 Food Excuses or Strategies ....................................................................................................... 14
Terribly obvious disclaimer: this information is to help support people who have an ED, not encourage others to do so. Duh!!
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FIST YOURSELF..................................................................................................................... 15 Low or Negative Calorie Foods................................................................................................ 15 10 calorie snacks ....................................................................................................................... 16 Foods that are supposed to BOOST your metabolism:............................................................. 16 Plateaus ..................................................................................................................................... 17 5 Ways to Break a Weightloss Plateau ................................................................................. 17 Fasting....................................................................................................................................... 18 Fasting Tips............................................................................................................................... 21 Enemas...................................................................................................................................... 22 Diets .......................................................................................................................................... 23 The 2468 Diet ....................................................................................................................... 23 2468 diet example ................................................................................................................. 23 The ABC Diet ....................................................................................................................... 24 The _vanity diet .................................................................................................................... 24 General Motors diet .............................................................................................................. 25 Kekwick diet ......................................................................................................................... 25 The Master Cleanse Diet....................................................................................................... 25 The Milk Diet........................................................................................................................ 26 Caloric Restriction with Optimal Nutrition (CRON)............................................................ 26 Size Zero Diet ....................................................................................................................... 26 The Ultimate Fast.................................................................................................................. 26 Five snack diet ...................................................................................................................... 27 How to Lose 20 Pounds in a Month...................................................................................... 27 Dieting Challenge ................................................................................................................. 27 Weekly diet plan ................................................................................................................... 28 'Skinny Bitch' diet plan (excerpt).......................................................................................... 29 Recipes...................................................................................................................................... 30 Hungry Girl's Freakishly Good Fat Free Frozen Hot Chocolate! ......................................... 30 Food and Recipe Links ......................................................................................................... 30 Veggie Soup Recipe.............................................................................................................. 30 Vegetable Soup #2 ................................................................................................................ 30 Vegetable Soup #3 ................................................................................................................ 31 Veggie Soup #4? ................................................................................................................... 31 Veggie Burrito ...................................................................................................................... 32 Egg White Omelette with Ham *&&* Spring Onions ......................................................... 32 YUMMY AND FILLING = 60 cals ..................................................................................... 32 THE 37 CALORIE FILLER :D............................................................................................ 32 tomato recipe......................................................................................................................... 33 Ham and Eggs ....................................................................................................................... 33 Bigger meals ......................................................................................................................... 33 Part Three - Thinspo ..................................................................................................................... 35 Thinspo pic and movie sources................................................................................................. 35 Tactile Thinspo ......................................................................................................................... 36 89 Reasons Why You Must Not Eat Today.............................................................................. 36 30 Hour Famine ........................................................................................................................ 38 RESTAURANT TIPS, AND HOW TO AVOID THE MEALS!............................................. 38
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Excuses for not eating with your bf .......................................................................................... 39 Why To Starve ....................................................................................................................... 39 Cool Latin Phrases .................................................................................................................... 41 Important Questions to ask yourself ......................................................................................... 42 Hiding Weight Loss Tips .......................................................................................................... 42 Tips for Fighting Hunger .......................................................................................................... 42 Weight-loss myths .................................................................................................................... 44 Calorie Restriction Tips ............................................................................................................ 45 Ana-friendly Movies & TV Shows........................................................................................... 46 Music......................................................................................................................................... 46 Books ........................................................................................................................................ 48 Bumper Stickers........................................................................................................................ 48 You may not realize it, but it's 100% true................................................................................. 48 How to be a playmate. .............................................................................................................. 49 Part Four - Quotes......................................................................................................................... 50 Part Five - Poetry and Lyrics ........................................................................................................ 64 Ana's Best Friend ...................................................................................................................... 64 a poem for ana (shes a bitch aint she?) ..................................................................................... 64 Sell Your Soul for Complete Control ....................................................................................... 65 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 65 Ana's Creed ............................................................................................................................... 65 The Game you Never Thought I'd Play. ................................................................................... 66 Dear Ana: .................................................................................................................................. 67 Letter From Ana:....................................................................................................................... 67 ((EXERSISE IS GOOD FOR YOU)) ....................................................................................... 69 tune for singing in the car ......................................................................................................... 70 a xmas song for cleaning........................................................................................................... 70 Untitled2 ................................................................................................................................... 70 Ana............................................................................................................................................ 71 my throat burns with this .......................................................................................................... 72 my christmas spirit.................................................................................................................... 73 Fucking hell. ............................................................................................................................. 74 Snowflake ................................................................................................................................. 74 untitled poem ............................................................................................................................ 75 My Room .................................................................................................................................. 75 ana::........................................................................................................................................... 75 empty stomach, perfect soul ..................................................................................................... 75 A poem for you... ...................................................................................................................... 75 It may be insane ........................................................................................................................ 75 poem.......................................................................................................................................... 76 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 76 dear ana ..................................................................................................................................... 76 poem. to try and explain............................................................................................................ 76 i found a poem today................................................................................................................. 77 Starved ...................................................................................................................................... 77 my poem.................................................................................................................................... 77
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my poor bones........................................................................................................................... 78 Eating Away.............................................................................................................................. 78 The So-Called Best Friend........................................................................................................ 79 Spellbound ................................................................................................................................ 79 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 79 Ana's Last Night Poem ............................................................................................................. 79 Do you see?............................................................................................................................... 80 It ................................................................................................................................................ 80 goals to be aced......................................................................................................................... 80 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 80 dearest anorexia, ....................................................................................................................... 81 untitled3 .................................................................................................................................... 81 Ana Psalm ................................................................................................................................. 81 Ana Creed ................................................................................................................................. 82 Remember.......... ....................................................................................................................... 82 What's wrong with you.? .......................................................................................................... 83 Dear Ana&&Mia, ..................................................................................................................... 83 are you hungry ?........................................................................................................................ 85 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 85 Letter of encouragement : ......................................................................................................... 85 Revelation ................................................................................................................................. 86 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 86 she screams when she sings ...................................................................................................... 88 binge stopper............................................................................................................................. 89 I just wanna cry......................................................................................................................... 90 Song writing/freewriting........................................................................................................... 90 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 91 THE POSTAL SERVICE LYRICS.......................................................................................... 92 Untitled ..................................................................................................................................... 93 dearest ana,................................................................................................................................ 93 Paintbrush ................................................................................................................................. 94 Do you like it?........................................................................................................................... 94 Right.......................................................................................................................................... 95 this is working........................................................................................................................... 95 My bones are screaming ........................................................................................................... 95 Part Six View from the Outside ................................................................................................. 97 Support from non-ED people.................................................................................................... 97 ED Myths .................................................................................................................................. 97 What is Anorexia?..................................................................................................................... 97 Diagnosis................................................................................................................................... 98 Messages for Wannarexics ....................................................................................................... 99 This is not a fun thing. .......................................................................................................... 99 another warning .................................................................................................................... 99 Another warning ................................................................................................................. 100 Wanarexic? ......................................................................................................................... 101 Ignorance............................................................................................................................. 101
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Untitled ............................................................................................................................... 102 WHAT AN EATING DISORDER IS ................................................................................ 102 Dieting versus ED ............................................................................................................... 102 Request Repost.................................................................................................................... 104 So you want to develop an eating dissorder?...................................................................... 106 Hey, I just posted this on PA But thought I share it here.................................................... 108 Outside view of ana?........................................................................................................... 108 My account.......................................................................................................................... 109 A common public misconception ....................................................................................... 110 Image of ED........................................................................................................................ 110
The SECRET code

For being pa is a red bracelet, or if you cant do that, wear red shirts on Mondays, or keep your nails painted red. Tell everyone! http://www.freewebs.com/anabracelet/ (link is now gone) See the instructions, How to make an ana bracelet on page 13. Ideally the bracelet should have a dragonfly on it, or it could be a bracelet for AIDS awareness, Kaballah, etc.
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Part One - Resources

Web Resources
Thinspo picture links have moved to its own section in Part Three, and negative calorie food links have moved to Part Two. 100 ways to burn 100 calories BMI calculator BMR calculator http://www.nowloss.com/Weight_Loss_articles/100_calories.htm http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/library/blbmicalculator.htm http://health.discovery.com/tools/calculators/basal/basal.html http://www.freedomfly.net/Articles/Nutrition/nutrition14.htm great details on how BMR is calculated. Also states The American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) recommends that calorie levels never drop below 1200 calories per day for women or 1800 per day for men. http://www.caloriecontrol.org/calcalcs.html http://www.my-calorie-counter.com/ http://www.healthyweightforum.org/eng/calorie-counter http://www.calorieking.com http://www.calorie-count.com http://www.ivillage.co.uk/dietandfitness/alcoholtoolcounter?nlcid=uk_ud|1203-2007| Good for alcohol http://www.nutritiondata.com/ (good for nutrition details) http://www.thecaloriecounter.com/Search.aspx http://caloriecount.about.com http://www.fitday.com - highly praised by many! http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_loss.php - weight loss calculator find time, cal, or weight loss given the other two. http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal.php - it will tell you what you'll lose by how much you eat and workout http://www.3fatchicks.com/weight-tracker http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php - cal burned per hour for various activities, also has BMI and BMR calculators http://health.ninemsn.com.au/tools/burnbarometer.aspx http://www.nutristrategy.com/activitylist.htm http://www.self.com/health/activity/calculators http://www.fatburn.com/free_tool_activity_burn.asp (everything from sex to hacky sack) http://www.nutritiondata.com/ http://www.inch-aweigh.com/diet_center/serving.pdf - loads and loads of normal foods and their calories!! http://www.foodanddiet.com/NewFiles/calories-vegetables.html cals of veggies http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-200-calories-look-like.htm i love this site
Calorie needs calculator and calorie tracking
Calories burned doing stuff
Calories in food
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Causes of Amenorrhea ED information ED support sites Get rid of cellulite Hair loss tips Percent body fat calculator Weight loss tracking Why not to purge
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/symptoms/amenorrhea/causes.htm http://www.somethingfishy.org/ good for family/bf/gf/friends http://togetherdisordered.freeforums.org/ http://www.fading-obsession.com/mainsite.php http://www.inch-aweigh.com/cellulite.htm http://www.hairboutique.com/tips/tip943.htm http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/library/blbodyfatcalculator.htm http://www.tickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wp7IinV/ Watch http://youtube.com/watch?v=kwgRUqnTyGs (not for faint of heart)
Calorie Deficit
A calorie deficit is created when the amount of food energy (calories) you taken in is less than the total calories you use, resulting in weight loss. From http://weightloss.about.com/od/glossary/g/bldeficit.htm o calorie deficit = BMR food calories eaten + exercise cals burned o Other formulas combine (BMR + exercise cals burned) into TDEE, your Total Daily Energy Expenditure or maintenance level, which ranges from 1.2*BMR to 1.9*BMR depending on exercise level. Then calorie deficit = TDEE food calories
Weight Loss Competition

To anyone wanting to compete in our competition to see who can lose the most weight in January (the new year, to a new you) join the progress group for it. o http://community.livejournal.com/anamonthly/ you DO have to be accepted because i don't want people like the girl that posted that blog writing stuff about it. =) but it's not a huge process. no application required. thankks gurls
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Acronyms
ana b/p BDD BED BMI BMR c/s COE CW DXM ed EDNOS Anorexic, anorexia nervosa Faux-ga fake yoga Binge/purge gl Good luck! Body Dysmorphic Disorder GW goal weight Binge Eating Disorder HW highest weight Body Mass Index LW lowest weight Basal Metabolic Rate mia Bulemia (or missing in action) Chew/spit NTAGATF nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Compulsive Over Eating pa pro-ana current weight SI self injury Dextromethorphan ss stay strong Eating disorder tt think thin Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified plus all the usual texting/email smilies and abbreviations.
Conversions (approximate)
Weight/Mass 1 lb = 454 grams 1 ounce = 28.35 grams 1 kilo = 2.2 lb 1 stone = 14 lb Energy 1 Cal = 4.187 J 1 Cal = 1 kilocalorie Length 1 meter = 3.28 ft 1 ft = 12 inches = 0.305 m 1 meter = 100 cm 1 inch = 2.54 cm
Body Mass Index (BMI)

Body Mass Index = [weight (kg)] / [height (m)]^2 = 4.88* [weight (lb)] / [height (ft)]^2 = 703 * [weight (lb)] / [height (in)]^2
What BMI weight range do you fall into? Acceptable (normal, average)? Obese? Underweight? Here are the answers. Most web sites cite the National Heart, Lung & Blood Institute (http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/) as the primary source.
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BMI Classification (per NHLBI) 18.5 or less 18.5 to 24.99 25 to 29.99 30 to 34.99 35 to 39.99 40 or greater Underweight Normal Weight Overweight Obesity (Class 1) Obesity (Class 2) Morbid Obesity (Class 3)
They are also cited by http://www.bmi-calculator.net/ and http://www.caloriecontrol.org/bmi.html and http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/adult_BMI/about_adult_BMI.htm From the faq source later, A BMI between 13 and 15 corresponds to 48 to 55 percent of desirable body weight for a given height and describes the lowest body weight that can sustain life. A BMI of 17 seems to be the lowest generally accepted value thats healthy. The CRON diet is more conservative, and says you shouldnt go below a BMI of 18.5, which is the bottom of the normal or average weight range. So what does the messy table below tell? It gives weight ranges for the BMI classifications. Weights are given in pounds. Divide weights by 2.2 to get kilos. Or divide by 14 to get stone. Read down the column with your height to find the weight boundaries. So, for examples: A person whos 54 tall would be underweight between 99.1 and 108 lbs. A person whos 60 tall would be in a dangerous weight range under 111 lb. A person whos 410 tall would be in the normal weight range (average) between 88.6 and 120 lbs.
For MEN or WOMEN (per NHLBI) Height ft'in" 4'6" 4'8" 4'10" 5'0" 5'2" 5'4" 5'6" 5'8" 5'10" 6'0" 6'2" 6'4" 6'6" BMI cm 137 142 147 152 157 163 168 173 178 183 188 193 198 DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! 15 62.2 66.9 71.8 76.8 82.1 87.4 93 98.7 105 111 117 123 130 Malnutrition Malnutrition Malnutrition Malnutrition Malnutrition 17 70.5 75.9 81.4 87.1 93 99.1 105 112 119 125 132 140 147 Underweight Underweight Underweight Underweight Underweight 18.5 76.8 82.6 88.6 94.8 101 108 115 122 129 136 144 152 160 Acceptable Acceptable Acceptable Acceptable Acceptable 25 104 112 120 128 137 146 155 165 174 184 195 205 216 Overweight Overweight Overweight Overweight Overweight 30 124 134 144 154 164 175 186 197 209 221 234 247 260 Obese Obese Obese Obese Obese Obese Obese Obese Obese 35 145 156 168 179 191 204 217 230 244 258 273 288 303 Severely Obese Severely Obese Severely Obese Severely Obese 40 166 179 191 205 219 233 248 263 279 295 312 329 346 Morbidly Obese Morbidly Obese Morbidly Obese Morbidly Obese
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BMI for People under Age 20

There are different charts for those under age 20, such as http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/00binaries/bmi-tables.pdf and charts such as weight-forstature at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/about/major/nhanes/growthcharts/charts.htm. A childs BMI is interpreted according to where they stand in percentiles. The percentiles can be looked up based on age or height (stature).
Weight Status Category Underweight Healthy weight At risk of overweight Overweight Percentile Range Less than the 5th percentile 5th percentile to less than the 85th percentile 85th to less than the 95th percentile Equal to or greater than the 95th percentile
The 50th percentile is the median weight half of all people are above it, and half are below.
Another Set of BMI rules

There are separate tables for women and men, based on the BMI boundaries given here http://www.faqs.org/nutrition/Ar-Bu/Body-Mass-Index.html, derived from the 19711974 National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES). These are guidelines based on the actual weghts of people they measured, so they determined whos average, a little underweight, etc. based on that data.
BMI Classification (per NHANES)
Condition Indicated Protein-calorie malnutrition Underweight Acceptable weight Intervention indicated Obese Severely obese Morbidly obese
Men < 17 < 20 > 26.4 > 27.8 > 31.1 > 45.4
Women < 17 < 19 > 25.8 > 27.3 > 32.2 > 44
20.7 27.8 19.1 27.3
From http://www.faqs.org/nutrition/Ar-Bu/Body-Mass-Index.html
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WOMEN (based on NHANES BMI values) Height

BMI 17 19.1 27.3 32.2 44 ft'in" cm 4'6" 137 70.5 79.3 113 134 183 4'8" 142 75.9 85.2 122 144 196 4'10" 147 81.4 91.4 131 154 211 5'0" 152 87.1 97.8 140 165 225 5'2" 157 93 104 149 176 241 5'4" 5'6" 5'8" 163 168 173 Malnutrition 99.1 105 112 Underweight 111 118 126 Acceptable 159 169 180 Obese 188 200 212 Severely Obese 256 273 290 Morbidly Obese 5'10" 178 119 133 190 225 307 6'0" 183 125 141 201 238 325 6'2" 188 132 149 213 251 343 6'4" 193 140 157 224 265 362 6'6" 198 147 165 236 279 381
MEN (based on NHANES BMI values) Height

BMI 17 20.7 27.8 31.1 45.4 ft'in" cm 4'6" 137 70.5 85.9 115 129 188 4'8" 142 75.9 92.4 124 139 203 4'10" 147 81.4 99.1 133 149 217 5'0" 152 87.1 106 142 159 233 5'2" 157 93 113 152 170 248 5'4" 5'6" 5'8" 163 168 173 Malnutrition 99.1 105 112 Underweight 121 128 136 Acceptable 162 172 183 Obese 181 193 205 Severely Obese 265 281 299 Morbidly Obese 5'10" 178 119 144 194 217 317 6'0" 183 125 153 205 229 335 6'2" 188 132 161 217 242 354 6'4" 193 140 170 229 256 373 6'6" 198 147 179 241 269 393
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Technical Tips
Why and How to lock posts
Why should you lock posts? That way the general public cant read them, only members of the waiting room community. Before you submit a post, near the Post to pa_waiting_room button there should be a dropdown box that says Show this Entry to: Everyone (Public). Change it to Friends. Then post it.
Why and How to do an lj cut

Please put long discussions and/or pictures behind a cut, so as not to fill the screen immediately for readers. Here (http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75&q=cut&lang=) is where you can find instructions on how to use a cut. Make sure youre in HTML mode for writing your post, not Rich text. An example: <lj-cut text="this is the link text">Type your cut contents here.</lj-cut>
Why and How to hide triggering text

When discussing food, please hide the text so as not to trigger those who are fasting, or on the edge of a binge. To hide the text, select the words, and change the font color to white. Typically people will add (highlight) before or after the offending phrase, to remind readers to highlight it to see the content.
How to add images

See http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=6&q=images&lang=. For an outside image link, it looks like this: <img src="http://www.example.com/image.jpg" alt="title or description" />
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How to Show an LJ Username

If you want an LJ username to show up like this nadjamarie instead of in normal boring font like this nadjamarie, put this junk around their name. <lj user="nadjamarie">
How to make little hearts

In your message include the phrase &hearts; it will turn into a little heart . On some systems (Mac?) alt-3 will insert the same thing.
How to make an ana bracelet

Make ana braceletes! If you want to learn - its hard to explain without physically showing you. Try these sites: http://www.mediamessage.com/kayton/GirlScouts/bracelet.htm http://life.support.1.googlepages.com/bracelets http://www.ehow.com/how_13666_make-friendship-bracelet.html http://www.ehow.com/how_13435_make-beaded-bracelet.html http://www.beadinglife.com/how-to-make/bracelet.html Or make a blue one - apparently blue curbs your appetite: http://www.colormatters.com/appmatters.html
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Part Two - Food

Calorie Trivia
Did you know if you write flat out in a 90-minute exam, you burn 80 calories? Spending 15 minutes washing your car can burn 60 calories You can burn over 100 calories in just half an hour of sex Going out tonight? You could burn 290 calories just dancing for an hour. Go shopping for a few hours and burn almost 200 calories easily Ride a bike to school or work instead and get rid of around 70 calories Makeover your bedroom feng-shui style and burn 85 calories rearranging furniture for 15 minutes
Food Excuses or Strategies

Food interrogation can be direct "are you eating?" questions, or subtle ones about your weight or eating habits. I'm full Im ill Ill get a sandwich later Im hung over Im eating out at work I just ate (name somewhere else, a friends house, at school, etc.) If they really forced me to eat Id cut up veg really small so it looked like i had more on my plate than i did Only eat when a family member is around, like celery, carrots or an apple. Could say you're not a poultry fan and just eat the veg and push the potatoes round a bit Pudding, sugar makes your teeth hurt, you need to make an appointment with the dentist Eat something small while others are around Hang around the fridge so it looks like you're browsing for food, even if you don't actually take anything. Or take something in a wrapper (eg. Crisps), bin the contents and leave the wrapper lying around I always "accidentally" burn/overcook/ruin what I'm cooking to get out of eating it "Accidentally" drop evil food on the floor Feed it to the dog/cat/python/children-who-cant-talk-yet Give it away to friends, or leave it for strangers Feed it to stray animals or birds Fake being allergic, vegetarian, vegan, or lactose intolerant Remember, I'm on the no dinner diet! I'm having a sponsored fast (there really is such a thing!) Im having bad cramps and want to go to bed (generally only works well for females)
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Dont have the brownies, try sabotaging them like put salt on them so they will be horrid stop a binge: i came close to a binge earlier when i took a taste of peanut butter, but then i took a big swig of balsamic vinegar and the feeling went away. Tell people you're on a diet your doctor is making you follow to improve your (insert ailment here). People are generally less suspicious if they think weight loss is just your necessary evil and not your goal. If people ever ask me I always refer to someone else who's lost more! (great distraction method!) Or say youve been stressed out lately. Or have had a bug. Im starving for peace! Im doing the 30 hour famine! (see section later that describes it)
FIST YOURSELF
NO NOT IN THE SEXUAL WAY when u get into sticky situations like u have to eat with ur family or friends. eat as much fruit n veg as u want however anything else fist yourself clench ur fist and this is the size portion you shud eat. e.g. if i have chicken (im a veggie, just using an example) potatoes gravy veg id say NO to gravy eat all the vegetables REALLY SLOW and then clench my fist ... id rather eat the chicken so id say 2/3 of my fist wud make up chicken and then maybe one potato for the rest of my fist. it isnt a fist for each diff food. ITS EVERYTHING U EAT COMBINED. [i sound like an advert] HOPE IT WORKS WHEN U HAVE TO EAT
Low or Negative Calorie Foods

http://www.miraclenoodle.com those are 0 calorie shirataki noodle substitutes, which really ARE gooood. http://www.waldenfarms.com/ has 0 calorie marinara, alfredo, and scampi sauce for those noodles, plus so much more!
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http://www.cooks.com/rec/search/0,1-0,no_calorie_soup,FF.html from what i can tell, pretty flavourful no calorie, and very low calorie soups, for you liquid fasters ;D Lists of negative calorie foods: http://www.fatfreekitchen.com/negative-calorie-foods.html or http://www.perfectedsouls.com/ps/tool_negativefood.asp
10 calorie snacks
Here's a list of 10-calorie snacks that came out in Self magazine a while back. 1 navel orange segment 1 Whopper (malted milk ball) 2 large strawberries 4 1/2 mini marshmallows 1 wheatables cracker 12 1/2 blueberries 1 shoestring french fry 1 peanut M&M 3 green or red grapes 1 1/2 twizzlers black licorice bites 1 jell-o sugar free gelatin snack 18 roasted/salted sunflower seeds 2 1/2 baby carrots 2 teddy grahams 3 plain M&Ms 7 pieces Pirate's Booty 3 cherry tomatoes 42 cheerios 2 Fritos 10 wheat chex 2 1/2 baked Cheetos
20 roasted/salted soy nuts 2 1/2 jelly beans 1 1/2 almonds 1 french onion Sun Crisp 3 altoids mints 3 watermelon balls 11 pieces shelled edamame (soybeans) 1 animal cracker 9 Brach's cinnamon imperial hearts 1 cashew half 1 apple slice 2 Skittles 4 cheddar Goldfish crackers 1 Keelber mini vanilla wafer 1 dried pineapple piece 1 pecan half 2 1/2 pistachios 1/3 cup air-popped popcorn 1 Big Cheezit cracker 1 gummy bear 1 reduced-fat Pringle 1 Snyder's of Hanover honey mustard/onion pretzel nibbler 4 semisweet chocolate chips 1 Tostitos Scoops 1 large celery stick
Foods that are supposed to BOOST your metabolism:

o o o o o o whole grain cereal or oatmeal peppers / hot sauce / cayenne pepper green tea & coffee lean beef/pork/chicken/turkey salmon/tuna/sardines fresh fruits & veggies
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Plateaus
Plateaus are the worst, just wait it out and you'll start losing again. You're probably better off eating more then your usual intake to boost your metabolism. Thats what I had to do and it works, then you'll lose a lot more faster. And I found out while I'm fasting I'm better off with an apple in the morning to keep my metabolism working all day and I'll lose more then people who actually fast alone.Best of luck on your fast - keep it up! :)
5 Ways to Break a Weightloss Plateau

1. Zig-Zag Calorie Intake Zig-zagging, or calorie cycling is the process of varying daily calorie intake, while maintaining the same weekly intake. Instead of consuming (for example) precisely 1800 calories each day you can mix it up. Eat 1500 calories one day, and 2100 calories the next. This can be as simple as halving then doubling a portion size, or adding a post-workout shake into the plan. Just keep your body guessing. 2. Strength Training If you are not doing this as part of your program or lifestyle, then it's time to start. Working your muscles will help to strengthen bone tissue, increase lean mass, and ultimately boost metabolic rate. 3. Change Your Exercise Routine So you go walking a lot? Then try jogging, or swimming, or cycling -- anything that will change the way your body is working. If you are doing low intensity cardio work, then try some high intensity exercise (such as HIIT). 4. Alter Macro-nutrient Intake Although it sounds complicated, once again, the idea is to change what you are eating. If (for example) you are eating a moderate diet that is higher in carbs - try eating less carbs and more protein. There is no need to get super-technical over the whole thing. If you have a carbohydrate snack every day at morning tea time - change it to a protein snack. Whatever you are doing consistently - try mixing it up a bit. 5. Change Meal Frequency If you are eating three square meals a day - start adding snacks in between (which may mean reducing the portion size of the main meals). Eating often is an old and common style of eating once again, you are trying to boost your metabolic rate.
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Fasting
Here is the information that someone posted a link to from PAWR. Fasting INFO ON A 10 DAY WATER FAST: How much weight will I lose? Weight loss can initially be as high as three to four pounds per day, much of it water, but as the fast continues, the average loss will be one pound per day. If you are juice fasting and not losing weight, the juice is supplying all the calories you need. You may have to cut down on the juices or alternate between water fasting and juice fasting if losing weight is part of your goal. The slower your metabolism, the slower the weight loss. Will I get too thin? If you are thin or at average weight and you fast for 30 days on juice or 10 days on water, ribs will show, face will become gaunt, friends and family will notice. It is imperative not to eat a lot after the fast because the body will quickly re-gain the lost weight during the next 10 days. Instead, ease yourself onto food by gradually incorporating fruit and veg in your diet. Metabolism is normalized due to the cleansing process. It is very important not to try to gain weight too quickly. The body can rebuild only at a set rate. Overeating will burden the body and undermine the rebuilding process. Will fasting shrink my stomach? From years of over-filling the stomach, it is no surprise that the muscles supporting the tummy have lost its natural elasticity, stretched out of shape. People with large protruding stomachs need more food to feel full, out-eating their need. Fasting helps recover the stomach's natural elasticity, restoring a flat stomach. You will be satisfied on less food, tummy in proportionate size to the bodys caloric requirement. Absence of Food and State Fasting refers to the complete absence of Food, only Water. Short-Term Fasting In general, fasts should be conducted for no longer than 28 days, with most fasts 21 days or less. Long fats (for more than 42 days), are both unnecessary, and potentially dangerous. A prolonged fast, for more than 2-3 months, is called Starvation! Although most of the 'miraculous' benefits of fasting do result from 3-5 days or more but 7-14 days, that's "healing". Although days 1-7 are quite benefitial to be sure, days 7-14 are truly tremendous, with the benefits from days 14-21 becoming extreme. Days 21-28 are nothing than a complete regeneration of the body. Literally erasing years of aging. (Where the true "Miracles of fasting" take place). Medium-Term Fasting Medium fasts (Between 28-42 days), although certainly possible, and frequently performed by dedicated fasters. The benefits of a 35 day fast are absolutely astonishing!
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Fasting and Ketone Bodies After the third day of a fast, the body begins to make ketone bodies in the liver (Enters ketosis). In the absence of food (Energy), Ketone bodies are produced by the body as an alternate energy source. Normally, ketone levels in the blood are less than 0.2mm. After several days of fasting they approach 3.0mm, and steadily rise thereafter. Importantly, never eat, even an extremely amount of food during a fast. This will quickly shift the body out of ketosis, back to its normal metabolism of glucose (food), decreasing ketone bodies, decreasing growth hormone and increasing hunger. Fasting and Hunger Levels The only challenge to fasting, and a challenge for many it is, is completing the first 1-5 days. During days 1-5 hunger levels can flucuate from average, to well above average many actually experience their greatest hunger on day 3 (Just prior to ketosis, when both blood sugar, and ketone body levels, are lowest). After day 3, hunger levels noticeably decrease. After day 5, hunger levels, and the "desire" for food in general (So strong initially), dramatically decrease. After day 10, hunger levels, for the most part, are non-existent. Fasting and Energy Levels During days 1-5, energy levels can flucuate from average to well below average (Feeling light headed, at times, is not uncommon). During days 5-10, energy levels very noticeably improve after day 10, with sharply elevated levels of both growth hormone, and ketone bodies, energy levels are tremendous, as is mental clarity. Fasting and Weight Loss Expect (in general) to lose 1 pound each day of fasting! Fasting and Starvation Contrary to what many people believe, fasting is not starvation. During the fast, the body is breaking down the non-essential tissue (Fat) for energy. While conserving essential tissue. Starvation, is the point where the body has used up all of its non-essential tissues (Reserves) ,and begins to break down its own essential tissues. This point (The point of starvation), even for the average individual (Of normal weight), takes quite some time to reach (Some 42 days or more). Fasting and severely restrictive diets Prolonged, severely restrictive diets are extremely unhealthy, in many cases, even life threatening. Unlike fasting, the body never completely enters ketosis (A fundamental process in sparing essential tissue from breaking down). The result, severely restrictive diets cause the body to lose a much greater percentage of lean body tissue (Essential tissue) than a complete fast. Over time (Once body reserves become dangerously low), lean body tissue (Essential tissue) eventually become used as an energy source. Prolonged, severely restrictive diets, are essentially just a slow form of starvation.
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Fasting and Calorie Restriction Calorie restricted (10-30%) diets are extremely healthy. Unlike severly restricted diets, the bodies energy (Food) needs are restricted just enough to result in sharply elevated levels of growth hormone, while eliminating the need to break down essential tissues. Recommended Fasting Schedule Definitely include short-term fasting (1-28 days) into your schedule. Your body will begin to literally "grow younger" before your eyes, especially, after day 10. Discipline and Determination Suppressing hunger (During days 1-5), one of life's greatest drives, is not easy for most! Eliminating food (During the fasting period), one of life's greatest pleasures, is not easy for most! However, those that have the discipline, and determination, wil have tremendous to extreme healthy benefits awaiting them! No Pain No Gain With the exceptions of days 1-5, particulary day 3, fasting is not nearly as difficult as one might imagine (In fact, after day 10, quite pleasurable). Remember too, exercise (Discussed next), also associated with some degree of self sacrifice to promote health, pales in comparison to fasting in terms of health benefits. In fact, one could perform 1-3 annual (14-28) fasts, or calorie restrict (10-30%), never exercise again, and achieve a state of health that no form or amount of exercise could ever accomplish. The good and bad on fasting: it focuses the body on burning up and clearing toxins. Its great for loosing weight!!! Breaks down cancer cells and other illnesses Also breaks down....built up chemicals, BODY FAT, and transformed fatty acids. 1. you have to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day 2. you have to stay exercise as your body gets weak 3. You will suffer from dizziness, especially when getting up from sitting or laying down, 4. May cause black outs if you go for a long fast 5. Juice fast can cause extreme bowl movement. 6. Take a multi-vitimin as the body may lack in this area. ***WATER FASTING*** This will mainly benefit people with a low metabloism, as it gathers lots of energy and then will find it easier compared to lower metabloism who will lose energy and probaly feel drowned out. Water dieting is one long detoxication, the long detox. Water fasting demands mental preperation, clear your calendar for the amount of days your planning to fast for. Water fasting is proven to be more difficult then juice fasting as the body is getting no calories or nutrients.
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***JUICE FASTING*** There are alot of nutrients in fresh juice that energizes the body's natural regenerative abilities. This system of removing wasteand supply a full spectrum of nutrients has an advantage of over weight loss program Drinking less juice supples fewer calories therefore increasing detoxication. Juice diet drinks include: fresh juice, herbal tea, vegetable broth, and Barley green/water. ~~FASTING~~ Water. We absolutely must drink water to survive, and it has zero calories, so there's no excuse to not drink it. As we typically get much of our water content from foods, when we reduce food intake we begin to dehydrate ourselves, which is dangerous. Also, cold water chills the body and may raise metabolism to get warm again. Vitamins and minerals. We must have these, too, to survive and so againg there's no reason not to take atleast a daily multivitamin (which may help reduce some cravings as well). Vitamins are vital in keeping our bodies functioning and our skin, hair, teeth nice. Particularly be aware of electrolytes(potassium, magnesium, salt, along w/ water balance) and calcium. Protein. Protein is necessary, particularly if youre exercising. It maintains and repairs our muscles, including heart muscle, which is (last i heard) kind of a requisite for continued survival. Caffeine. While caffeine can be an appetite supressant and can increase your metabolism, it will also act as a diuretic. Drink a glass of water for each cup of tea, coffee, or diet soda you have. Again, dehydration is a potentially serious problem. Get plenty of sleep. Steal naps whenever you can and rest when you need to rest. Sleep deprivation increases appetit and makes you age faster.
Fasting Tips
When someone says fasting, I think of three things. A juice fast, a water fast, or inbetween. There are several different types to do, depending on the organ you want to cleanse, and what effect you want, and the length of time. Some fasting suggestions: 1) It's hard to begin with. So, set all of your rules and deadlines, and stay with them no matter what. Don't be on the line or still deciding, because it's easier to just let it go and lose sight of what you want to accomplish. 2) A fast should not include things that are not cleansing to your body, such as chemicals (yes, things like no-cal sweetener, kidney killers...) This means no diet soda or the like. Yeah, it's zero calories, but it's also really tough on your liver and kidneys, whether you are fasting or not! 3) Fasting is giving your digestive system a rest. Likewise, it is a period of resting for everything else. Relax. The worst thing to do is concentrate about what you can't eat. Think of it as a break from the subject that plagues you constantly. Why think about food? Use this time to get other things done. If you are all caught up, learn something new, or just sit quietly and reflect.
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4) It can be hard when you are surrounded by food. But, when you just know that you are not eating and there's not way around it, then there's nothing to worry about. Food is not an option so it's not worth bothering yourself about. 5) Breaking a fast: If you fast for more than 7 days, the time you take to transition back to eating should be half of the length of the fast, if it is a water fast. Juice fasts, start with raw foods, but nothing processed, and no meat right away. For example, on day 1 of breaking a 10 day water fast, have a glass of orange juice diluted with water in the morning. continue throughout the day, drinking several glasses. Day 2: Continue with water and orange juice, and make a vegetable broth later on in the day, eating just a few of the veggies. Day 3: Have orange juice in the morning, and have the veggie broth, with more of the veggies for lunch and dinner. Day 4: Have juice in the morning, and have some raw fruits, nuts, veggies, for lunch and dinner. Day 5: Go back to eating normally, still avoiding dairy, meat, processed food, chemicals, and sugary items, clogging foods, etc. 6) Emotions will arise. They are there for a reason. They are teaching you something. Listen to them, write them down, and let them go. 7) Sleep. You will wake up feeling refreshed. 8) Listen to your body. If you are doing things right, your body will indicate when it is ready to go back to food. 9) Fasting will kick your body (and mind) into detoxification. Be aware that detox-ing is not the most comfortable time, and do not be deterred by it. Juice fasting will be a slow and gentle detox, while water fasting is a quick and rapid detox that can be uncomfortable. If something feels really wrong, then break the fast. However... "Through difficulty, sweetness..." That's all for now. I hope that at least one person will read this and perhaps make some changes for the better. HEALTH IS WEALTH!!!! Here are two really good websites that explain the whole process of water-fasting, step by step. http://www.gaianstudies.org/articles4.htm http://www.prettythin.com/fasting.htm
Enemas
So i read about them first on this website www.fasting.ws (also great for info on fasting!) They sounded interesting so i did some more research. another website that explains more about it is www.e-enema.co.uk.
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Diets
The 2468 Diet
Its really simple: Day 1 = 200 cal Day 2 = 400 cal Day 3 = 600 cal Day 4 = 800 cal Then repeat. Other variations include introducing fasts (0 cal), so 02468, or 020406080 etc. are possible.
2468 diet example

THURSDAY: 200 cals Breakfast - Celery Stick Lunch - Nothing, or celery, cucumber, and a slice of ham 40 cals Dinner - veggies or salad and a bit of whatever's been made around 150 cals TOTAL - around 190 cals. FRIDAY: 400 cals Breakfast - celery stick Lunch - Omlette 128 cals Dinner - Veggies or salad, bit of whatever's been made around 200 cals TOTAL - Around 328 cals SATURDAY: 600 cals Breakfast - Bowl of cereal 170 cals Lunch - Omlette 128 cals Dinner - veggies or salad, bit of whatever's been made around 250 cals TOTAL - Around 498 cals SUNDAY: 800 cals Breakfast - Bowl of cereal and toast 240 cals Lunch - omlette with ham and mushrooms 188 cals Dinner - 3 course birthday dinner for Dad around 350 cals?? TOTAL - Around 772 cals
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The ABC Diet

ABC = ana boot camp 50 Days 1: 500 calories 2: 500 calories 3: 300 calories 4: 400 calories 5: 100 calories 6: 200 calories 7: 300 calories 8: 400 calories 9: 500 calories
10: fast 11: 150 calories 12: 200 calories 13: 400 calories 14: 350 calories 15: 250 calories 16: 200 calories 17: fast 18: 200 calories 19: 100 calories 20: fast 21: 300 calories 22: 250 calories 23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories 25: 100 calories 26: 50 calories 27: 100 calories 28: 200 calories 29: 200 calories 30: 300 calories 31: 800 32: fast 33: 250 calories 34: 350 calories 35: 450 calories 36: fast 37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories 39: 400 calories 40: 350 calories 41: 300 calories 42: 250 calories 43: 200 calories 44: 200 calories 45: 250 calories 46: 200 calories 47: 300 calories 48: 200 calories 49: 150 calories 50: fast
The _vanity diet

Breakfast:: i only eat breakfast on tues/thurs because i dont have time for lunch, so on these days i only eat breakfast and dinner. usually a piece of fruit, 45-100 cals depending Lunch:: chicken soup: 60 cals fruit (a few pieces of watermelon or an apple): about 50 cals i never eat it all diet pepsi or water Dinner:: salad: 50-70 cals? i'm not sure but i'll break it down: lettuce: 13 cals shredded carrots: 5 cals 3 cherry tomatoes: 6 cals SOMETIMES chunks of lean chicken, don't know how many cals, i usually only have 1 or 2 pieces but they're reeeeally small. italian dressing: 20 cals/tsp sometimes there are other things in there, it's pretty hard to determine how much of each thing is in it but i never finish the whole thing. and i eat it with my hands... i dip the lettuce or whatever in the dressing so i don't accidently drench the salad, gross sometimes a piece of fruit That salad will last me all night, i'll have a couple bites then put it back in the fridge til i get a craving.
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General Motors diet

Its for a week: DAY 1 DAY 2 DAY 3 DAY 4 DAY 5 DAY 6 DAY 7 all fruits exept bananas, as much as u want. (watermelon and cantalope are GOOD!) all veggies, eat untill u r stuffed fruits and veggies (no bananas yet) bananas and milk, up to 8 bananas and 3 tall glasses of milk 1 cup of rice, 6 Whole tomatoes and 12 glasses of water (cleansing) 1 cup rice and all veggies 1 cup rice, fruit juice and veggies
and tomorrow morning u should be about 10 pounds lighter. *** it is important to drink 10 tall glasses of water a day! See also: o http://www.iimahd.ernet.in/~jajoo/gmdiet.html and heres the vegetarian variation! o http://msync.org/health/GeneralMotorsDiet.html
Kekwick diet
A low carb diet with a daily calorie limit too. See: http://www.low-carb.com/atarfatfa.html http://board.ringsworld.com/first-day-on-kekwick-fat-fast-s15-t12761.html - a forum that will explain most questions you have
The Master Cleanse Diet

Okay, so apparently the Master Cleanse Diet was not as common knowledge as I thought it was. So here's the skinny on it for those who were curious. The master cleanser is an extreme diet, also known as the lemonade diet, that is a physical and spiritual cleanser. It detoxifies your body, which heaven knows we could all use. You can make it in the convenience of your own home. Here's the recipe: 12 oz. hot water 2 T. grade b maple syrup (or whatever maple syrup you can get your hands on) 2 T. lemon or lime juice (or 1/2 lemon) 1-2 pinches cayenne pepper The only thing you can intake on this diet is the master cleanser and pure water. No diet soda. No tea. No coffee. Otherwise you won't be properly detoxifying your body and ridding it of all harmful substances. You can stay on the master cleanser for 2-40 days, 14 being ideal. See also http://therawfoodsite.com/mastercleanse.htm.
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The Milk Diet

See http://anabones.wetpaint.com/page/Milk+Diet?t=anon The diet is 8 days .... 1 day:6 cups of milk 2 day : 4 cups of milk + 2 fruits 3 day: 2 cups of milk + 2 fruits + cheese ( how much you want ...but... have control .. hehhe ) 4 day : 4 cups of milk + 1 fruit +1 piece of some meat 5 day : 2 cups of milk + 2 fruit +1 piece of some meat +1egg 6 day: 2cups of milk + 1 fruit +1 piece of some meat +1egg +chesee 7 day: 3 cups of milk + 3 fruit 8 day: 2 cups of milk + 1 fruit +1 piece of some meat + cheese Someone else, who apparently likes apples, says its this: 1 day:3 cups of milk 2 day : 4 cups of milk + 2 apples 3 day: 2 cup of milk + 2 apples + 3 pieces of cheese 4 day :4 cups of milk + 1 apple +1 piece of some meat 5 day : 3 cup of milk + 2 apples +1 piece of some meat +1egg 6 day: 4 cups of milk + 1 apple +1 piece of some meat + cheese + 1 egg 7 day: 2 cup of milk + 3 apples 8 day: 2 cups of milk + 1 apple+1 piece of some meat + cheese
Caloric Restriction with Optimal Nutrition (CRON)

CRON is is a lifestyle (not diet) based on deliberate caloric restriction (like Ana) but without the psychological impact. See http://www.optimal.org/peter/cron.htm, http://www.scientificpsychic.com/health/crondiet.html or http://www.calorierestriction.org/.
Size Zero Diet

See http://smallchange.typepad.com/thinkslim/2007/03/the_size_zero_d.html
The Ultimate Fast

WEEK 1 50 cals-liquids only 200 cals-fruits and vegetables only 300 cals 400 cals 50 cals-liquids only 200 cals-fruits and vegetables only 300 cals
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WEEK 2 200 cals 400 cals 600 cals 800 cals 200 cals-fruits and vegetables only 50 cals-liquids only 50 cals-liquids only WEEK 3 300 cals 400 cals 500 cals 200 cals-fruits and vegetables only 300 cals-fruits and vegetables only 50 cals-liquids only 200 cals
Five snack diet

so i decided to do something new! i;ll have 5 snacks! 5 different types of food daily ,,i'll have: protein (1 serving) carbs (1 serving) fruits (1 serving) vegetables (1 serving) dairy product (1 serving) so between each snack you take there should be at least 3 hours! it will be my choice of anything i want, , so i dont have to worry if whatever bla bla is not there at home, because if i dont find bread i can have some biscuits, if i dont find apples i can have strawberry instead. so the only two important things i'll worry about is the portion size which is easily controlled before eating, get a plate and limit what you'll have then i'll have to get 2 to 3 large glasses of water to feel full i'll take multi-vitamines and i'll sperate these 5 snacks so that i cheat my body and it feels its getting food all day this way my metabolism will stay up working
How to Lose 20 Pounds in a Month

See http://www.prothinspo.com/howtolose20poundsinamonth.html
Dieting Challenge
How many points do you earn per day? The most on this scale is 44 points per day.
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CALORIES; 0 - 200 calories; 10 points 201 - 350 calories; 8 points 351 - 500 calories; 5 points 501 - 600 calories; 3 points 601 - 750 calories; 1 point over 750 calories; NO POINTS EXERCISE; NONE; 0 points 15 - 30 minutes; 1 point 31 - 45 minutes; 3 points 45 minutes - 1 hour; 4 points 1 - 1 and a half hours; 6 points 2 hours; 8 points 2 and a half hours; 9 points 3 hours or more; 10 points WATER; 0 glasses; 0 points 1 glass; 1 point 2 glasses; 2 points 3 glasses; 3 points 4 glasses; 4 points 5 glasses; 6 points 6 glasses; 7 points 7 glasses; 8 points 8 glasses; 9 points 9 glasses; 10 points SLEEP; 8 hours or more; 10 points 7 hours; 8 points 6 hours; 7 points 5 hours; 5 points 4 hours; 4 points 3 hours; 2 points 2 hours or less; 0 points BONUS POINTS; not binging; 2 points not purging; 2 points
Weekly diet plan

Count cals per week, not daily. then binges can be averaged out, and help keep your metabolism happy.
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'Skinny Bitch' diet plan (excerpt)

In the book, 'Skinny Bitch', they've actually set out a whole month's meal plan. I'll post the first week below. Monday Breakfast: Mango, banana, kiwi and soy yogurt. Lunch: Spinach salad with shredded carrots, chopped almonds, red onion, fresh garlic, cubed tofu, and sesame oil. Dinner: Pasta with zucchini, tomatoes, garlic, fresh parsley, pine nuts, and olive oil. Tuesday Breakfast: Fresh squeezed orange juice, whole grain muffin with soy butter, banana, and strawberries. Lunch: Tabouli salad with marinated tofu, eggplant, and red peppers. Dinner: Veggie nachos Corn chips with veggie chilli, soy cheese, guacamole, scallions, and tomatoes. Wednesday Breakfast: Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and slow-cooking oatmeal with blueberries, strawberries and raspberries. Lunch: Veggie burger on whole grain bun with red onion, lettuce, tomato, avocado, and alfalfa sprouts. Served with vegan potato salad. Dinner: Fake chicken patty with brown rice, lentils, and steamed kale. Thursday Breakfast: Fresh squeezed OJ, whole grain bagel with vegan cream cheese, sliced tomatoes, and red onion. Lunch: Soup and salad Dinner: Veggie stir-fry with peppers, onions, garlic, carrots, bok choy, and mushrooms served with brown rice and tofu. Friday Breakfast: Granola with slicced banana, peaches, and blueberries with soy yogurt. Lunch: Club sandwich with fake bacon, fake turkey slices, avocado, lettuce, tomato, sprouts, and Veganaise (fake mayo). Served with three-bean salad. Dinner: Take out from your favourite Thai restaurant: vegan Pad Thai, emphasizing no egg or shrimp or fish stock. Saturday Breakfast: Fresh squeezed OJ, blue corn and blueberry pancakes served with fresh strawberries. Lunch: Salad with shredded carrots, couscous, cranberries, and walnuts, dressed with citrus vinaigrette. Served with lentil soup. Dinner: Veggie fajitas with sauteed peppers, onions, mushrooms, and fake chicken strips, topped with fresh Pico de Gallo. Sunday Breakfast: Fresh squeezed OJ and tofu scramble with zucchini, peppers, onions, garlic, spinach, and kale served with qhole grain toast. Lunch: Lentil salad with asparagus tips and walnuts in a raspberry vinaigrette. Served with an entire steamed artichoke and a vegan lemon-butter dipping sauce. Dinner: No-cheese or vegan-cheese pizza loaded with veggies!
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Recipes
Hungry Girl's Freakishly Good Fat Free Frozen Hot Chocolate!
(50-60 calories) 1 Packet Nestle or any Other Diet 25 Calorie Hot Cocoa Mix 3 oz. Hot Water 2 oz. 8th Continent Light Vanilla Soy Milk 1/2 oz. Sugar Free Torani White Chocolate or Vanilla Syrup 2 Packets Splenda 1 teaspoon Hershey's Lite Chocolate Syrup Ice Fat Free Reddi Wip Dissolve hot cocoa, chocolate syrup and Splenda in hot water. Add light soy milk, and Torani syrup. Pour into blender. Add a cup of ice cubes (5-7). Blend on the highest speed for about 45 seconds. Pour into a tall mug. Top with a squirt of Fat Free Reddi Whip!
Food and Recipe Links

good foods/recipes: o http://www.freewebs.com/perfect_beauty/ good snacks: o http://www.fitnessireland.ie/100snacks.php good recipes/diets...and gives a HUGE list of food and cals in them: o http://www.fading-obsession.com/information/anorexia-nervosa.php
Veggie Soup Recipe

Take a whole bunch of veggies in a pot with a bit of water, and cook it until the water is mostly gone. Cabbage Celery Carrots Green beans Onions Zucchini Broccoli A dash of salt & pepper
Vegetable Soup #2
Just made some its sooo yummy and filling heres the recipie :-] 6 mushrooms = 36 cals 4 x cabbage leaves = 30 cals 1 x carrot = 25 cals
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beef stock 1/4 = 2 cals 1.5 pints water = 0 cals
Vegetable Soup #3
2 cups veggie broth- 30 cals 2 cups uncooked broccoli- 50 cals 1 cup chopped carrots- 50 cals 1/2 cup canned tomatos (vary for your personal taste)- 30 cals 1/2 cup canned corn- 40ish (?) cals Optional 1/2 pack Silken lite soft tofu- 90 cals Spices- 0 cals Total cals: That's about 290 for about 4ish bups of soup, so that's like 73 cals a cup-ish. If you leave out corn and tofu, you have 40 cals a cup. :) So, put the broccoli, carrots, and tomatoes into a CuisinArt or something of the like and chop until fine/not chunky. Put soft tofu and veggie broth in blender and mix well. Pour broth and tofu mixture into a pot on the stove and heat, mix in veggies and corn (optional). Add spices; I would try thyme, rosemary, dried basil, or any other italian type herb. Cook as you would a regular soup. Enjoy! On second thought, I would leave out the corn. Bad combination. So w/o corn that's 63 cals a cup. But keep in mind I've never tried that, lol...
Veggie Soup #4?

6 large green onions 2 green peppers 1 or 2 cans of tomatoes (diced or whole) 3 Carrots 1 Container (10 oz. or so) Mushrooms 1 bunch of celery half a head of cabbage 1 package Lipton soup mix 1 or 2 cubes of bouillon (optional) 1 48oz can V8 juice (optional) Season to taste with salt, pepper, parsley, curry, garlic powder, etc. Slice green onions, put in a pot and start to saute with cooking spray. Cut green pepper stem end off and cut in half, take the seeds and membrane out. Cut the greenpepper into bite size pieces and add to pot. Take the outer leafs layers off the cabbage, cut into bite size pieces, add to pot. Clean carrots, cut into bite size pieces, and add to pot. Slice mushrooms into thick slices, add to pot. If you would like a spicy soup, add a small amount of curry or cayenne pepper now. You can use beef or chicken bouillon cubes for seasonings. These have all the salt and flavors you will need.
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Use about 12 cups of water (or 8 cups and the V8 juice), cover and put heat on low. Let soup cook for a long time - two hours works well. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
Veggie Burrito
So, for my lunch I cut up broccoli, onion, tomato, green pepper, half a slice of a pickle, and slightly stir fried it, with the no cal spray & mrs dash. I then added the quick eggs, which is 30 calories for a 1/4 cup serving (its enough, trust me) Then I wrapped it in lettuce, for a burrito type feel. It tasted so good, and Im satisfied, not feeling all full and bloated. so in essence, it was maybe about 40 calories, for an awesome breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Its also filled with vitamins and protein, which we do need. So Give it a try =D
Egg White Omelette with Ham *&&* Spring Onions

Take 2 egg whites (24cals) 3 slices Ham (39cals) 1/5 Spring onion (3cals) Total cals - 66cals Put the egg whites into a pan on a low heat, once partially white add in spring onions&&ham and leave to cook for 2 mins Fold the omelette in half then half again (1/4) Then leave to cook for 2 mins Flip over and cook for a final 2 mins Then serve with salt &&/or pepper ENJOY FOR ONLY 66 CALS..!!
YUMMY AND FILLING = 60 cals

1 cup of lettuce - 20 cals aprox. 1/2 packet of Hellmans xtra-light italian dressing - 12 cals 2 tbps of parmesiana cheese powder - 25 cals
THE 37 CALORIE FILLER :D

1. take a normal mug and empty 1 eggwhite into it. 2. cover the mug with a paper towl and put in the microwave for around 1 min. 3. listen for popping sounds, take out when theres anywhere from 0-20 seconds and check to makesure that the egg is not gooey. if its gooey then put it back in the microwave till its fully cooked. 4. use any type of calorie free hot sause (most are) are pour about 2 tsp of it in the middle of a plate. 5. use a fork to remove the eggwhite from the cup to the plate on top of the hot sause. it should slide right out. 6. pour more hot sause on top of the egg (according to how spicy you want it) 7. add 1 tbs of parmesan cheese (20 calories) on top of the whole thing.
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its very easy and its filling too! one rice cake is about 40 calories and this is only 37 and A LOT more filling. the eggwhite is 17 and the cheese is 20. hot sause is a lovely zero. its AMAZING! haha i hope you all enjoy this recipe, i know i do :)
tomato recipe
i just made 3/4 of a vine tomato by heating minced garlic til it browned (use water instead of oil), sliced the tomato into thin slices and put them on top of the browning garlic....flip and cook them for like 5-10 mins til they are hot and browning a little and if u want u can add a TINY bit of balsam dressing. reallllly good and filling for like under 30 cals
Ham and Eggs

so i came up with my alternative-i dont use oil i heat up a non stick pan 50grams of ham=50 cal 2 egg whites=30cal 1 tomato=22cal green tea=0 cal and i always have 750 mL of water with it at only 102 cal it fuels me for the rest of the day and put a big smile on my familys face. maybe add a slice of toast if I've been good.
Bigger meals
Roast Dinner: 255 cals Whole pack of Quorn "beef style" pieces in a red wine sauce = 170 cals 1 Aunt Bessie's mini yorkshire pudding = 50 cals 3 heaped tbsp Tesco frozen baby carrots = 20 cals 1 large floret brocolli and 1 large floret cauliflower of Tesco frozen cauliflower and brocolli = 15 cals Quiche with baked beans and veg: 235 cals Half a Tesco "light choices" mini CRUSTLESS vegetable quiche - 200 cals for all of it, half = 100 cals 1/3 tin Tesco "light choices" baked beans - 300 cals for whole tin, 1/3 = 100 cals 3 heaped tbsp Tesco frozen baby carrots = 20 cals 1 large floret brocolli and 1 large floret cauliflower of Tesco frozen cauliflower and brocolli = 15 cals "Chicken" with baked beans and veg: 230 cals 2 Quorn "chicken" fillets = 95 cals (the rest as above, minus the quiche obviously) = 135 cals
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Tuna Pasta Salad: 230 cals 1 small tin Weight Watcher's tuna in light mayo (this mayo provides the salad with some sort of dressing) = 80 cals 40g Wholewheat fusilli pasta = 130 cals Half a 210?g pack Tesco Alfresco salad = 20 cals
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Part Three - Thinspo

Thinspo pic and movie sources
http://americanapparel.net/gallery/photocollections/models/ http://community.livejournal.com/ed_progresspics/ LJ community for before and after pics http://good-times.webshots.com/album/558680566ioXyBj http://neverendingstrive.web-log.nl/ emo thinspo http://nomorenumbers.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html http://photobucket.com/images/thinspo/?page=16 http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=289130209 http://prothinspo.com/thinspo.html http://video.aol.com/video-detail/-good-thinspiration-/1998032068 <Awesome Video! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2208430308&ref=mf mk ashley http://www.freewebs.com/builtonadream/index.htm <Very interesting.Never seen it before! http://www.hollywoodrag.com/index.php?/gallery3/category2/C389/ victorias secret http://www.mary-kateandashley.com/photos/ http://www.models.com/ http://www.myspace.com/anorexic_thinspo http://www.prettythin.com/ http://www.pro-thinspo.com/celebritythinspiration.html It's a list of thinspirational celebrities http://www.theskinnywebsite.com/ http://www.xanga.com/Fat_Cheerleaders_suck real girl thinspo http://www.xanga.com/lovelythinspo my fav thinspo site (real girls, models, celebs,icons) http://www.xanga.com/lovexnothinggg's http://www.xanga.com/REALTHINx http://www.xanga.com/skinnyjeansplease http://www.xanga.com/strictly_bones http://www.xanga.com/TheUltimateThinspo http://www.xanga.com/THINspo_pics Use http://www.youtube.com and search for thinspo or thinspiration, such as: o http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xvDlRjsnGI8 o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ScdAZmqMGk o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqIdHc5YCT0&feature=related o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR6spxrwj-4 o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-57bXPPYEk&feature=related o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8_-o7hWOo0&feature=related o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPPj3SsDKaE o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spxx_jBkwlI called Unspoken Words. o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvDlRjsnGI8
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o http://youtube.com/watch?v=hTq5eejFM1g
Tactile Thinspo
I decided I need a visual to help me lose weight. I have thinspiration on my computer, but I needed something that wouldn't cause concern in sight without the computer. I decided that to get to my final goal weight I need to lose 27 pounds. I took 27 squares of toilet tissue and wrote a number (1-27) on each square. I taped them to my wall and each time I lose a pound I am flushing that pound's square down the toilet. I know it's kind of weird, but I got to flush a square today and I was really excited!
89 Reasons Why You Must Not Eat Today

Consolidated from three other lists, including http://www.fading-obsession.com/thinspo/57reasons.php. 1. All of the guys will want you. 2. Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out. 3. Anywhere you go you will be the thinnest. 4. Ballerina? Or beanbag? 5. Beautiful people are adored and ugly people are ignored. 6. Beauty Queen? or Dairy Queen? 7. Big people sweat more and they smell bad. 8. Binges harm your stomach due to stretching. Why eat at all? 9. Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite. 10. Cellulite doesn't flatter anyone 11. Do you want people to say, For gods sake get off me, youre crushing me; I cant breathe! or You are so light. ???? 12. Eating is conforming to everyone else's expectations. 13. Eating little to nothing saves you money! 14. Eating makes you feel guilty and look fat. Starving makes you feel happy and look gorgeous. 15. Ever seen the arms of a fat person wave hello or goodbye? 16. Everything you try on will either be baggy or fit perfectly. 17. Fat people are not beautiful. 18. Fat people are so huge, people see through them and its like they dont exsist. 19. Fat people cant fit everywhere. 20. Fat people die earlier. 21. Fat people make their country look bad. 22. Fatty areas stretch and sag as you get older. 23. Food is mean and sneaky. It tricks you into eating it and it works on you from the inside out making you fat, bloated, ugly and unhappy. 24. Food rots your teeth. 25. Guys will be able to pick you up without struggling. 26. Guys will want to get to know you, not laugh at you and walk away. 27. Have you ever seen a person NOT notice a walking skeleton. 28. Hunger is your friend and it won't betray you like food. 29. I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
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30. I want to walk in the snow and leave no footprints. 31. If someone has to describe you, theyll say, oh, she weighs like nothing. 32. If you can name one reason to be fat, I will name a million to be skinny. Ill name them even if you cant find a reason to be fat. 33. If you eat then you'll look like those disgusting, fat, ghetto and trailer-trash hookers on Jerry Springer. 34. If you slap a fat person you can see a shockwave ripple over their skin. That's disgusting. 35. Is food more important that happiness in life? I think not! 36. It will all melt away... 37. It will turn into fat and make you even bigger than you are 38. Leaving behind a thinner, prettier you. 39. Looking at your scale will fill you with happiness every time. 40. No more cellulite 41. No more fat thighs 42. No more love handles 43. No more stomach fat. 44. No more stretch marks 45. No one wants to see a fat person dance. 46. Nothing cant be fixed with hunger and weight loss. 47. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. 48. Only fat people are attracted to fat people. Do you want pigs to like you because you are one of them? 49. Only thin people are graceful. 50. People who eat are selfish and unrealistic. 51. People will ask you if you're a runway model. 52. People will assume you're a size zero. 53. People will be able to lift you with ease 54. People will envy you. 55. People will refer to you as "that beautiful thin girl" 56. People will remember you as "the beautiful thin one". 57. People will stare at you in awe. 58. Puffy cheeks, double chins and thick ankles-- aren't attractive. 59. Saying No, thanks, to food is saying Yes, please, to THIN! 60. Starve off the parts you don't need. They're ugly and they drag you down. 61. Starving is an example of excellent willpower. 62. The average (middle class) American wastes OVER $8,000 a year on FOOD ALONE...it goes in one end and out the other. That sure is a lot of fat! No wonder so many Americans are obese and overweight! 63. The models that everyone claims are beautiful, the spitting image of perfection, are any of them fat? NO! 64. The only time people do notice a fat person is when they get in the way of that beautiful thin girl walking by (ok that sounds really horrible i know.) 65. The word fat will only apply to you in a sarcastic way. 66. Thin people look good in ANY kind of clothes. 67. Think of anorexia as your secret weapon. 68. Too many people in America are obese.
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69. Too many people in the world are obese. 70. Underweight aka perfect body. 71. When you start to get dizzy and weak, youre almost there. 72. You dont NEED food. The human body can go 70 days without food. 73. You don't want to start shopping in plus sized stores. 74. You will be able to run faster than ever without fat dragging you back. 75. You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones. 76. You will be able to wear a bikini to the beach. 77. You will be FAT if you eat today. Just put it off one more day. 78. You will bring new meaning to the word skinny. 79. You will never have to worry about your stomach or flab poking out ever again. 80. You won't be exposed to all the chemicals and pesticides they put in food today. 81. You won't get sweaty on hot days. 82. Youll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider. 83. You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight holding you back. 84. You'll be as graceful as a swan and no one will ever hear you coming. 85. You'll be the envy of all the other girls. 86. You'll have to get your clothes taken in to fit your slim figure. 87. Your collar bones will stick out without layers of your fat covering them. 88. Your hip bones and smooth stomach will peak out from under your favourite t-shirt. 89. You're less likely to get food poisoning.
30 Hour Famine
Has anyone here heard of the 30 hour famine? I'm in Canada so that might be strictly Canada... So what it is: You do it within your School (I think Churches too...?) and you collect money from people so that you can give money to children in developing countries who really need it. Their slogan is "Get Hungry for Change" and so on top of the money collected, you also fast for 30 hours (and you get 10 volunteer hours too!) And so I'm super excited to do it because not only am I fasting for a good cause I am also OPENLY not eating. FOR ONCE. Too bad that sounded really obnoxious... It's in April, go to Famine.ca or http://www.worldvision.ca/wvfamine/Pages/30-HourFamine.aspx.
RESTAURANT TIPS, AND HOW TO AVOID THE MEALS!

1. Water. Drink a sip of water between each bite, and drink at least a glass before your food arrives at the table. This will help you to feel fuller. 2. Be prepared, and have a few negative calorie fruits or veggies beforehand. 3. Hide it. Wear a big sweatshirt and line the pockets with ziploc bags. When no one is looking, sneak food into them. 4. Eat slow. You'll feel fuller. 5. When you feel out of control, go to the bathroom and take out your thinspiration book. Once you feel better, go back to the table. 6. Eat with the hand that isn't dominant, that way you'll eat slower.
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7. When you know you shouldn't eat it, spit it back out and say it tasted awful. 8. Order things with the words broiled, baked, or steamed: Anything rich, creamy, decadent, or luxurious is very bad. 9. Always order sauces on the side. They are only more calories. 10. If you use sauce, dip the fork into the sauce and then into the food. Not as many calories are consumed! 11. When you're done with half of your mean, have the rest of it packed. 12. If it's a fast food place, order a side salad. Regular salads have too many calories. 13. Always ask for lite salad dressing. 14. If you have the choice of where to go, pick somewhere you know you don't like, so you won't be tempted to eat as much. 15. Eat in order. Start with veggies, then meat. Try to be full by the time the carbs come. 16. Chew each bite over 20 times. 17. Salad bar if possible, and eat only negs. 18. Never be the first person to begin eating, and never be the last to stop. 19. Try to drink 3 glasses of water at the meal. 20. Set the fork down after each bite. You'll eat slower. 21. Count to 30, mississippi-stlye, between bites. 22. Get nutrition information ahead of time if you can. Surf the 'net or call the restaurant (just tell them you have "health issues") and ask about the calorie, fat and carb content of their dishes. Then you will know what to order -- or whether to even bother going there. 23. When given a choice, always lunch portion, never dinner portion. 24. Be good company. Others are less likely to care about your eating habits if you have much more fascinating things with which to attract their attention. 25. When the dessert tray comes around, obviously it is "Oh, no thank you; I'm full." (If you are out with a friend or lover, you can ask to have "just a taste" of their dessert; that way you don't feel deprived, and they are more likely to think you are just being healthconscious!)
Excuses for not eating with your bf

youre sick.. you ate something nasty last night youre on your period and you have a weird thing where the smell of food makes you nauseaus youre stuffed from last night youre broke
Why To Starve
Because I want to be beautiful Because everyone will envy me Because I will have so much confidence Because I will look good in any outfit Because I will not be jealous of anyone Because I will not be self-conscious Because I am sick of this cycle of eating Because I have succeeded before Because I dont want to be crazy forever
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Because I want to be better Because I dont want to be fat Because fat is hideous Because I am not comfortable in my own skin Because It is all I can think about Because Ive come this far Because I am sick of waiting Because my husband will have the perfect wife Because I want her to be me Because I am stronger than food Because I am stronger than genetics Because food poisons me Because food makes me physically ill Because God gave me willpower Because food is evil Because I have to break the addiction Because I will hate myself if I dont Because I cry every night out of disgust at myself Because I am afraid to weigh myself Because I have to endure Because I can be perfect, I just have to be strong Because of yesterday Because of tomorrow Because of TODAY Because I will surprise everyone Because my bones are almost showing Because food isnt good for anything Because Ive let myself go too much Because carbohydrates are the devil Because I wont get any satisfaction from eating Because everyone thinks I cant do it Because no one takes me seriously Because I cry when I look in the mirror Because it will make me happy Because I will prove that I can succeed Because Ive wanted this for years Because I can do it! Because Ive been there before Because Ive worked so hard Because I will be small and size 2 Because I am overweight at this point Because I dont deserve to eat yet Because every guy will want me Because every girl will want to be me Because I will be better than everyone Because I will look better than everyone
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Because I want to be happy with myself Because the scale tells the truth Because I will beat the odds Because I will do whatever it takes Because I dont need food to survive Because tastes never last Because weight lasts forever Because 3500 cals in 1 lb Because 100 cals = running 1 mile Because Im almost there Because imagine how GW will feel Because imagine how GW will look Because celebrities can do it, I can too Because I will love myself for once Because Im so close Because hard work WILL pay off Because I will look like a model Because food is overrated Because I am better than that Because no one wants a cow Because fat is the devil Because I want to be perfect x Love
Cool Latin Phrases

Ideas for tattoos or sig lines.
Beautifully broken Dare to be different I stand alone No one is free who is a slave to his body Perfection is found, not where there is nothing left to add...but when there is nothing left to take away Provided that there be a hole in your life, you fill it of love Remember to live Spread your wings That which nourishes me kills me With hope even the deepest darkness can be banished with the smallest of candels You were meant for amazing things Pulchre infractus Praesumo discrepo Sto unus Nemo liber est qui corpori servit Silentium est instituo , non qua illic est nusquam left subinfero. Tamen ut illic est nusquam left deporto "Siempre que haya un hueco en tu vida, llenalo de amor..." Amado Nervo. Memor victum Emanio vestri pennae Quod me nutrit me destruit Per spes vel profundus obscurum can exsisto profugus per minimus of candide Vos erant vilis pro prodigiosus res
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Important Questions to ask yourself

What are the most important things to you besides being skinny?/ what does being thin mean to you? What doors will it open? What does perfect mean to you? Is it graduating, being surrounded by the people you love, lying in the park all day? Do you need a good job? Good education? Of what do you believe it would make you incredibly happy? Who is the perfect you?
Hiding Weight Loss Tips

Hiding weight loss can be a task, so here are some ways to conquer it: Around people that would care about your weight loss, weight many layers, but not so it looks weird, and make your stomach bulk. Also- fashion glasses widen thin face shapes. When you have to get weighed at the doctors you want to weigh more, obviously, put coins in a paper towel or paper then wrap it up and put it in a bun in your hair. Wear as much jewlery as possible. Wear layers of undies under a big pair like hannah andersons. Put heavy things in your bra. DO little things too like wear a lot of make-up, nail polish, creams. Drink tons of water before you go, and right before you go glug a gallon of water. Wear bold colors and patterns with loose clothing. It distracts from smallness and is bold. Although we are not small, it distracts from what is happening with the body. If you want to, dye your hair platnim blonde, if not then listen. Go to a big CVS or drugstore of a sort ( Walmart...ect...) and go to one that has tons of those little pantene samples. If you do not want to die your hair but will except a bit of a noticable change, do this. Get a shampoo made for a little bit lighter hair color, and without doing the damage dyeing hair could do, it lightens your hair and brings out the highlights in it distracting people from your body a bit more.
Tips for Fighting Hunger

Go brush your teeth and do everything you normally do right before bed. Your brain will associate those activites with sleep, and therefore not eating, and you will be less hungry If u r allowed gum chew the shit outta it And decorate for christmas or redo your room or anything u like Or find something else distracting to do - laundry, cleaning, organize bookshelves, anything! Can you take a bath? Do your nails? Read? Have some coffee? These are things i do. Exercise, organize your room, anything physically and mentally active is great "Ok, this is what I do when I'm hungry. I AM allowed to eat something, anythis, BUT, after every bite I have to drink a full glass of water! So, after 4 bites, I'm sooooo full!" Strip all your bed sheets and wash them. Do some dusting around your place. Clean out your computer of unwanted files by doing a disk clean-up and a disk defragment. Your computer will run better and faster.
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Get a couple programs called Ad-Aware, plus Spybot Search and Destroy and scan for adware components. You don't want that stuff on your computer. Do a free online virus scan at trendmicro.com to make sure your system is clean. Check online for security updates for your software. Better safe than sorry. Exercise, exercise, exercise. It's good for you, keeps you fit and moving burning unwanted calories. Listen to upbeat music and dance around. Watch TV, but place the remote control far away. This makes you get up when you want to change channel, ect. If your sitting, twitch your leg. Might as well burn calories while you sit down too. Play a musical instrument. (For me it's guitar ... I'm terrible but I still play it.) Design your own thinspirational or pro-ana site. It's actually quite time consuming, fun and it teaches you a skill. Find songs that relate to ana/mia. Burn a thinspirational cd. Make a list of your goals and how/when you want to have them acheived by. Try out a new hair style. Exfoliate your body. (Must have very warm shower for this to open your pores.) Give yourself a make-over. Have a cool shower. Go through the song section and download the songs, then burn your own thinspirational CD. Keep checking back into this site, join my forums and post. (Lol, I know ... cheap pop.) Do an online research of your favorite musician, and join any Yahoo groups that might be around on this musician. If you don't already get a Yahoo account and enjoy the benefits like free e-mail account, messanger, groups, games, ect. Get AOL instant messenger, then chat with others. Unsure about a piece of information reguarding weight loss / metabolic rate, ect.? Do an online research to make sure your information is as accurate as possible. Make your own journal, writing down goals - food eaten - calories burned - weight lost thinspiration pics - motivational things, and such. Brush your teeth. Get a travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste set and use it often. A clean minty mouth can make the thought of eating less attractive. Also, if you brush after every meal and every supposed meal, it's less obvious whether you've eaten or not. Take a shower. Hot steamy water can suppress the appetite, in me at least, and paying close attention to your body will serve to remind you exactly why you're losing weight in the first place. If you feel clean you may not want to "dirty" yourself with food. Fidget, take up a new hobby, find something to focus on. Find something with which to distract your hands and / or mouth. Chewing gum works for many people, but check for calories. Sewing or stringing beads is good, detailoriented and monotonous. Keep yourself occupied. Exercise. Find something you love to do and do it. If, like me, you're too self-conscious to exercise where people can see, then do it when you're alone at home or in a locked room or other safe place. Make it interesting. The best I've found? Dancing. Find music
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you love, cover the windows up, and don't even think about what you may look like since there's nobody to see. It's a lot of fun, and it helps you get more familiar with your body as well. Find triggering pictures. You have internet access, I know you do. When you feel like eating, pick an actress or model that you think is particularly beautiful and search for pictures of them ... or for pictures of people you find particularly ugly and fat. It's a slow, involving process and for me at least a great way to avoid eating. Take a nap. A lot of people think they're hungry when really they're just tired. Also, drink water, since thirst can make you think you're hungry as well.
Weight-loss myths
With so much conflicting advice floating around about weight control, weight loss coach Andrew Cate dispels some of the most popular mistruths. Myth: low-fat foods help you lose weight Fact: Many low-fat processed foods are high in sugar, such as yoghurts, ice-cream, cakes and biscuits, so using these alternatives may not significantly reduce your kilojoule intake. What's more, because these foods are perceived as healthy, they can be often eaten in larger portions, resulting in a greater consumption of kilojoules than if the higher fat item was consumed. While eating less fat can reduce your kilojoule intake, this needs to be combined with a much wider range of strategies before you can lose weight successfully. Myth: food combining accelerates weight loss Fact: The theory that eating the wrong combinations of foods can result in health problems and weight gain has no scientific foundation. Rest assured that it is safe to eat carbohydrates at the same time as protein, drink water with your meals, and eat fruit after midday. Most foods contain a combination of carbohydrates, protein and fat, and these nutrients are not designed to be separated. Your body secretes a variety of digestive enzymes that are more than capable of breaking down any food, or combination of ingredients. If you consider that breast milk is designed for babies, and that it contains a combination of all nutrients, then this myth should be laid to rest. Myth: there's such a thing as ''the sweet tooth'' Fact: A sweet tooth is often used to describe cravings for foods such as chocolates, cakes, biscuits, pastries, ice cream and desserts. But these foods are not only sweet; they are all extremely high in fat. In other words, the sweet tooth is just a fat tooth with a nicer name. To see if your sweet tooth is genuine, try some sweet-only foods next time you have a craving. Foods like sorbet, jelly, boiled lollies, killer pythons, meringue and even fruit are all sweet, yet much lower in kilojoules. If your craving isn't satisfied after a sweet-only treat, then you might be getting more kilojoules than you think. Myth: lifting weights makes you bigger Fact: Lifting weights can actually help you lose body fat, not gain it. Resistance training helps to strengthen and tone your muscles, and increase your metabolic rate. Lifting moderately heavy weights will not add muscle bulk. Even if you lift heavy weights (a weight you can only lift sixeight times is considered heavy), very few men and even fewer women have the genetic potential
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to build bulky muscles. This myth unfortunately discourages a lot of women for performing resistance training, when in fact they have the most to gain from it, because they naturally have less muscle mass than men. Myth: it's okay to drink fruit juice Fact: Fruit juice is promoted as a healthy drink, and is even mentioned as a replacement for whole fruit. But this is not necessarily the case. Fruit juice actually has similar kilojoule content to a glass of regular soft drink. You need between three and four oranges to make one cup of juice, so you get all the kilojoules but lose the fibre and some of the nutrients. In other words, you will still feel hungry after eating the equivalent of three oranges. Drink water instead, and eat fruit whole, as nature intended. Myth: bread, pasta, rice and potatoes are fattening Fact: High carbohydrate foods like bread, pasta, rice and potatoes may or may not be fattening depending on their quality, their portion size, and the company that they keep. Highly processed varieties of these foods, such as white pasta, white bread and white rice are easy to over-consume because they are so low in fibre. They provide less fullness, so it's easy to eat large portions and consume too many kilojoules. It's also the accompaniments with these foods that can give them a fattening reputation. For example, butter or margarine with bread, a creamy sauce with pasta, coconut milk with rice, and sour cream with potatoes. Myth: all salads are healthy Fact: Many a fatty item has been bundled up under the guise of a salad. For example, a chicken Caesar salad has more fat than a hamburger. Salads with creamy dressings or mayonnaise, cheese, sour cream, fatty meats or large quantities of oil can convert an otherwise healthy plate of salad vegetables into a high kilojoule, fat storing junk food. Order your dressing on the side, and look to use a little bit of oil mixed with accompaniments like balsamic vinegar, apple cider vinegar or lemon juice. Warning signs of a weight loss myth: Programs or products that promise fast, miraculous results Diets that suggest the elimination of whole food groups Programs or products that are disputed by qualified experts, or respected organisations Diets that claim that you can eat as much as you want, or that you don't have to exercise Andrew Cate is a weight loss coach, and author of Walk Off Weight, which includes an eightweek food and exercise plan designed to get results. It's available from www.andrewcate.com
Calorie Restriction Tips

I can help you restrict. Teas like vanilla hazelnut and chocolate spice are great herbal teas that can replace sweets with no calories and even better if you mix them with green tea they speed up your metabolism. Earthbound salad mix is delicious because it has herbs in it and it's got 15 calories for two cups. Eating with chopsticks slows down the process. Eat while you read, this also helps you feel full because it takes longer. Drink lots of water and diet drinks. You can pee out the weight in no time.
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Grapefruit is great for breakfast 39 calories per half because it kicks starts your metabolism. If you are going to binge, stock the cupboards with kamut puffs (nature path) 50 calories a cup. No binge can be that bad on low cal, no fat. If you are beginning restriction dried fruit is good (i have a qualm for it now but i used to be able to eat it) because it is a diuretic. There is no better feeling than cleansing your system. If you want candy...snack on chewable vitamins because at least you are putting something good into your sustem. Hot picked banana peppers have 10 calories each and kick start your metabolism as well. There is so much you can binge on that is good for you. Celery for example if you drink cold fliuds with it especially water does have negative calories because it takes more energy than is in the celery to heat the water...ice-water cools your body.
Ana-friendly Movies & TV Shows

Ana/mia theme A Secret Between Friends For The Love Of Nancy I'm A Child Anorexic Intervention: Kim The Perfect Body Thin When Friendship Kills Has thinspo stars Mean Girls Romeo+Juliet Anything with Kiera Knightly, Jessica Alba, Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen Victorias Secret shows Americas Next Top Model?
Music
See also the Fading Obsessions web site http://www.fading-obsession.com/thinspo/song-list.php Artist Alanis Morrisette Ashlee Simpson Augustana Ben Harper Bethany Dillion Bright Eyes Broken Spindles Cat Power Cat Power Coldplay Counting Crows Damien Rice Dead Celebrity Status Depeche Mode Eleanor Mcevoy Evanescence Evanescence Song Mary Jane Beautifully Broken Coffee and Cigarettes Please Bleed Beautiful Lua Burn My Body Ice Water I Found a Reason Yellow Anna Begins Cannonball Someone I Once Knew Sweetest Perfection Sophie Lithium Hello Page 46
Artist fakebestfriend Filter Fiona Apple Fiona Apple Foo Fighters From First to Last Garbage Geri Karlstrom Hilary Duff Hilary Duff Hot Hot Heat Ingrid Michaelson Jill Sobule Jill Sobule Juliana Hatfield King Adora Linkin Park Lisa Loeb Lucy Woodward Manic Street Preachers Maria Mena Maria Mena Natasha Bedingfield Nickelback Nirvana Pink Plumb Radiohead Rilo Kiley Shawn Mullins Sia Silverchair Snow Patrol Stephen Speaks Superchick Superchick The Distillers The Distillers The Eels The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Song anorexia Skinny The First Taste Paper Bag Skin and Bones Waltz Moore Bleed like Me starving 4 attention Come Clean Fly Bandages Keep Breathing Lucy At The Gym Supermodel Feed Me Big isnt beautiful Crawling She's Falling Apart What's Good For Me 4st 7lb Shadow, or Ugly My Lullaby I Bruise Easily Rockstar Pennyroyal Tea Runaway Damaged Creep Jenny, You're Barely Alive Beautiful Wreck Breathe Me Ana's Song You Could Be Happy Out Of My League Beauty From Pain Courage Sick of it All The Hunger My Beloved Monster Damn Regret
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Books
Empty: A Story of Anorexia by Christie Pettit Running On Empty: A Diary of Anorexia and Recovery by Carrie Arnold and Susan Gottlieb Second Star to the Right by Deborah Hautzig Shut the Door by Amanda Marquit Skinny Bitch by Kim Barnouin and Rory Freedman (vegan cookbook) Stick Figure : A Diary of My Former Self by Lori Gottlieb The Best Little Girl in The World by Steven Levenkron Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia (P.S.) by Marya Hornbacher You Remind Me of You : A Poetry Memoir by Eireann Corrigan This is a description of some ana books: http://www.geocities.com/edpetition/anorexia.html
Bumper Stickers
Ok, most folks arent going to advertise their ED on their car, but its fun to think of ways to do it. Also works well for sig lines "hunger hurts, but starving works" "savor the rumble!" "stuff the others, starve yourself" THINk never full
You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look. 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. So......always remember................When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt!
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How to be a playmate.
o First of all you HAVE to be Thin! You don't see Any Sexy People Bending over with FAT sagging all over the Place, Even A little Bit Turns Guys off Even if they're 80 pounds overweight. o Hot Guys wouldn't Date A Fat Girl. Didn't you see the Tyra Banks Show? Where She goes on all those Undercover Blind Dates Dressed in a fat Suit & Not ONE Guy Was Interested on Having a Second Date, Because She was Obese o Wear Sexy Clothes. Better than wearing something you'd wear to lounge at home in o Keep you makeup ON! You surely dont want him to see those Imperfections? Keep It Hot. o When wearing Makeup, Play up The Eyes. Men Like the Smokey Eye/Natural Lip Look. Makes them want to stare you in your Beautiful Eyes, while kissing you... So Romantic! o Thongs are Preferable... If you do Wear Panties, Make Sure they're Seamless. Panty lines are NOT Hot! Always Check In the Mirror to make Sure. o Befriend Their Friends... Act funny with them, Be Sexy With Him o Do NOT is shy around them!! They Love it when Girls express their selves & Tell them what they Think. o Copy The Way Playmates Make themselves Look o When You Lose Weight Keep The Boobs...If you've Already Lost them, Buy Some Silicone Bra Inserts, Padded Bra, or If you got the Money Get Some Implants. Dont make them too Large though o Most Playboy Playmates Are underweight, and the Average Measurements are 36-23-35 o Flirt Like it was Going Out of Style... Dont Be Cheesy, NO pick up lines! o Learn What He Likes... If he likes Bad Girls/Good Girls Then Be That! You Want Him dont you? o If He Asks You Why You Dont Eat LIE!! Say You Ate At Home & Are Stuffed! o Tease your hair. Make it Like Pamela Andersons, or someone. Dont Use LOTS of Hair Gel, They Like Running their Fingers through your Hair Without Getting Stuck. Soft, Fluffy, Hair Is in Style & Sexy! o Some Guys Like A Girl Who isn't afraid to show her naughty Side... You dont have to have Sex, Just Tease Him a lot... o Work Out on making your Stomach Tight, and Butt Round. o Get Bikini Waxes, or at least Be Considerate enough to Shave!
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Part Four - Quotes

"a fat-free diet... Nothing but candy corns and gummy bears for two weeks" romy in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion && she whisered below her breath why cant I be more like her. (this is an interview with Johnny Rotten) -why all the fuss then? why dress up, dye your hair...so what? am i not intitled to do what i want with my own body? i think i am, thats all that counts. i know what i want. -what do you want? freedom i think they call it, the hippies used to call it that, but i bet theres a better word for it. -what? well i don't know that yet. *snuggles and gives you all gross lil wet kisses* But I won't let myself get laid until I'm fucking 98lbs. That has got to be some extreme thinspo...geez. A flat stomach is nice, but a concave one is perfect. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. A woman can never be too blonde, too rich, or too thin! Act as if it were impossible to fail. ADO(RED) DESI(RED) INSPI(RED) TI(RED) SCO(RED) ADMI(RED) HAMME(RED) WI(RED) Take off the R and you are left with ED Thats why RED is our colour All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. All the food you eat will rot in your stimach, let it rot on the plate instead. An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person. An imperfect body reflects an imprefect person An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist but ordinary's just not good enough today. Ana iim sorry Please forgive me ii will do better ii love yhoo.. ii love yhoo.. ii love yhoo.. ii hate me Anorexia is like a game; you play, you win, and then it's over. Or you keep playing. Anorexia is not a disease. Anorexia is not a game. Anorexia is a skill, perfected only by a few. The chosen, the pure, the flawless. Anorexia is not a self-inflicted disease, it's a self-controlled lifestyle. Anorexia pronounced ana-wrecks-ya Another bite, another step towards misery.
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Ask me to show you perfect and I will show you a thin person Avalanche is sullen and too thin. she starves herself to rid herself of sin & the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin. BAD day Im hurting can you see me? Im falling will you catch me? Im crying can you hear me? Im sorry do you believe me? Im dying but you can't help me ... Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. be my life`s companion; starve me, shrink me. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone. Beauty must be defined as what we are, or else the concept itself is our enemy. Being normal is over rated. Being thin and not eating are signs of true willpower and success. Being willing is not enough; we must do Da Vinci Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want. Bodies run on beauty not food Bones define who we really are, let them show. Craving is only a feeling. dear ana, as much as i hate you i love you more. take me away love april Denying yourself food is not true deprivation - never being thin is. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. Do not give up on what you want most, for what you want at the moment. Do the best you can for as long as you can, rest if you must, but never give up. Do you want to be average? Dont dig your grave with your own knife and fork. dont you ever feel like if you were *PRETTiER* life would be easier?
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Don't eat anything today that you'll regret tomorrow. Don't eat. If you want to see food, look in the mirror at your thighs. Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment. Don't let fear of the time it will take to accomplish something, stand in the way of you doing it. The time will pass anyway, might as well put that time to the best possible use. Don't worry, no matter how bad your stats, someone is much worse. it's ok, we don't judge, just support and love. Eat less, weigh less. Eating disorders are not just about how your body is. Someone can be underweight and not be anorexic. Its mostly a mental disorder. If you feel like you feel like us, then you belong. Dont tell yourself any different. This place is for support for people who all FEEL the same, not for people who all LOOK the same. Empty is pure, starving is the cure. Every calorie you eat equals another step toward destruction. Every time I have the oportunity to eat, I have the strength to refuse. Every time you say no thank you to food, you say yes please to thin. Everyone is controlled by food, but only few people can control it. fashion girl, living a lie. painted face, airbrushed thighs. pay you millions, though youre talentless.. Feed the soul; let the body fast. Feminist, sociological, and anthropological scholars even contend that the portrait of anorexia nervosa as an 'appearance disorder' and a 'self-inflicted problem' incurred by young women lost in their world of fashion and calorie restricting is a belittling stereotype that not only camouflages these women's real worries, but also misses the universal power of food refusal, as in proclaiming needs for self-control. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Try turning on a happy song and dance around your room like a wild woman. You can't be sad when you're being silly! food food food bad bad bad thin thin thin me me me now now now?! Food is a hinderance to your progress Food is an enemy, not a treat. The real deprivation is never being thin. food is for pussy's we're not pussy's don't be held hostage by a bacon butty Food is like art, to be looked at not eaten. Food is the drug we all must quit Food is the most primitive form of comfort. food reflects on your self-hate
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Food tastes good but I'd rather not eat Touching a beautiful young woman is a great honour in this vale of tears forgive me if I pass on this or take a raincheck Furthermore I don't want to be a friend to everyone I haven't got that much time I'm fasting I'm fasting secretly to make my face thin ~ Leonard Cohen Fridge pickers wear big knickers. Giving into food shows weekness. Be strong and you will be better than everyone else. God forbid you be an ugly girl But too pretty is also your doom Cause everyone harbors a petty hatred For the prettiest girl in the room. Good habits result from resisting temptation. Good timber does not grow with ease: The stronger wind, the stronger trees; The further sky, the greater length; The more the storm, the more the strength. ---Douglas Malloch Happy or sad, rich or poor, it's better being thin. Haven't eaten in four days. I feel like I have kryptonite running through my veins. So powerful, and controlled. hello mirror if you're not thin enough to be your own thinspiration - you're fat enough to be your own motivation Here's a cheesy pep talk, You guys are sooo much better than food. You won't feel better if you have just ONE bite of that food your looking at. Why do you even want it? Cos it tastes good? Your stronger than that. You don't need a binge, your too good. You don't even need a little tiny bite! That's just a tease and your letting food make you or break you. Don't do that to yourself. You'll only mess up your day. KEEP STRONG! How anxiously I await the day That I find proof your words are lies There's no one to defend you,nothing to say Because long ago your prophets died How many pounds till I am happy? How many pounds till I get thin? Three more pounds till I am skinny, three more pounds and I win! Hunger hurts but I want him so bad [[oh it kills]]
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I had a hole in my heart// So I threw away my plate Like razors they cut through her heart. &&starving works when it hurts too much to love. Hunger hurts but starving works. hunger is the best sauce in the world - Cervantes I strive for perfection, I drive myself on that. My dream may be far off, but each kilo that falls off, I am one step closer than before. Knowing I am getting closer, gives me energy to keep going. So I do not give up. i am only eyes & mouth, you feed my only appetite. I am your butter and your bread. The voice that's in your head. I'll take you in and fill you up with a lack of being fed - Ana I control my body, my body does not control me I do eat normally: only what is needful for survival. I can't help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves. I dont want the world to see me cos I dont think theyd understand. I don't care if it hurts I wanna have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul - from Radiohead Creep I feel a bit like Cinderella you know? Like Im trapped...Ana and Mia are my two ugly sisters and my fairy godmother is a supermodel... I feel good this afternoon. *sprinkles happy dust on everyone* I have a rule when I weigh myself. If I've gained then I starve the rest of the day. But if I've lost, then I starve too. i just looked at a bunch of thinspo and i knew exactly what i wanted: thighs that don't touch. a pronounced collar bone. a visible sternum bone. my clothes to hang on me. a defined stomach. flat chest. hip bones <3 delicate wrists. a slender face. absolutely no gross fat on my body. i want to be able to break in half, blow away with the wind, disappear.... I just want presents!! Fuck food!! i know the right words to say like 'i don`t feel well' 'i ate before i came' then someone tells me how good i look & for a moment i am happy I NEED TO GET A HANDLE ON MY LOVE HANDLES! I once swore Id die for you. but I never meant like this.
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I still think I'm destined for greatness. or madness. fine line between the two... I think my cat is encouraging my ED. He loooooves my empty tummy.... when it rumbles, he always curls up on it and purrrrrrrs like some kind of crazy purring machine. I wanna be so skinny that... Boys can pick me up effortlessly with one arm. My skinny jeans will slide off. I make heads turn. I become somebody's thinspo icon. I'll look good in any piece of clothing I buy. People who don't know me will refer to me as "that skinny girl..." I won't leave footprints in the snow. I won't be able to pinch an inch. I want my collarbones and hips to be as sharp as my mind. I want out of the labels. I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. A story. I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map. A real adventure. A sphinx. A mystery. A blank. Unknown. Undefined. I want to be a paper doll Thats ALL I want to be loveable and strong. Only the hungry are truly strong. I want to be pure, just bones its what we were all meant to be. I want to be the smallest I can possibly be...when I see bone, that's the day I will finally feel free... I was thinking today... about what would happen if I tried to escape Ana. If she wasn't apart of my life anymore. If I just ate normally and didn't weigh myself five times a day, and I looked in the mirror only every once in a while, and I didn't worry, worry, worry 24/7. And I realized that I wouldn't know what to do. I'd be completely lost. My life would be over. I'd have nothing left. And I wouldn't know where to focus my goals or what to strive for. She's such a big part of me... it would be like having a half of me missing. Not that ana is a cake walk (Oops. Haha. No pun intended.) I mean, she's hell on earth, but I couldn't live without her. I know it sound sick. Do any of you guys feel that way? I wish I could make the horrible pain go away. I wish no one could hurt you so terribly. I wish I could hold you until you believe that you deserve to be loved. I, the hunger artist, rarely disappoint my audience. i`m a teenage drama queen, i throw my guts up for self-esteem. Im gonna fast until i fucking drop Im only happy when Im hungry Because I feel pure I feel perfect. Ive come too far to take orders from a cookie. If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything. -Allyson Jones If I eat anything, I'll eat everything, so I eat nothing.
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If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel ill I will double my labor. If I feel fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will think of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions. - Og Mandino If it tastes good, It's trying to kill you. If only I could disappear [[Id be light as a feather]] completely invisible maybe Id find true happiness. If you can imagine it, you can create it. If you can dream it, you can become it. If you close your mouth to food, you can know a sweeter taste. If you dont like what youre getting, change what youre doing. I'm a teenage drama queen, I'll throw my guts up for self esteem. I'm not starving myself. I'm perfecting my emptiness I'm not yet a winner. I could be thinner. So I must go throw up dinner. I'm on this journey, with no map, no directions, no compass and no hope that's what my strive for beauty and self worth feels like a lonely ride through a hazy maze, not even the stars offer their advice. I'm so depressed at this point that honestly, fasting will be a piece of cake. (wrooong wording, but you know what I mean.) In the body, as in sculpture, perfection is attained not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. inner beauty doesnt get you laid It hurts so bad...I can't explain it...I am just so hurt right now...I am going to fast...fridaysaturday-sunday-Monday-tuesday-wednesday-thursday...I want to be thin...I want to be thin so i can just fade away...it hurts...I love him so much..But i am selfish...and all he sees is how pretty she is... It was much plesanter at home, thought poor Alice. When one wasn't always growing larger and smaller and being ordered around by mice and rabbits. And yet, and yet-it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life <3 It was neverenough to be pretty && still not enough to be beautiful she wanted to hear that she was PERFECT its easier to resist at the beginning that at the end. Its not deprivation, it liberation Its only after youve lost everything that youre free to do anything. It's not a plateau. It's a pregnancy.
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It's not deprivation, it's liberation. It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting but it does help people to get interested in your soul. It's simple: You decide once and for all that you aren't going to eat, and there are no further decisions to make. just rambling away .......to my friends on pa_waiting_room...... food dont you be proud i wont be ur slave again i hav a friends to hold on to to help me thru my pain you can tempt me now but u will not succeed my friends will hold me back i wont do the binge deed as i set now on this path they'll by me all d way thru if food should tempt me again anas, i know i can count on u Just say no, then keep your mouth closed. Know that the pain will pass.. and when it passes.. you will stronger, happier, and more aware. Know that the pain will pass... when it passes... you will be stronger, happier, and more aware. Lard body or hard body its your choice. Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea. Light as a feather floating on air, I want to be PERFECT Barely there. Like a plant, surely the body can be trained to exist on nothing, to take it's nourishment from the air. Maybe there should be a new hotness scale. not the old 'how many drinks before you'd find them attractive' but 'how many cals are you willing to eat to keep talking to them'! Mirror Mirror, mirror, shiny glass, Please say that's not MY fat ass! Most women live their lives in a state of starvation. Why should I be any different? My life is going to happen like it or not Freedom's not somthing given, it's something fought The live I want cant be found and it surely cant be bought You're in need of a new opinion, rather than your syncronised thoughts My only attempt at advice is to follow what will make your body safe, and your heart happy.
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nearly perfect but never quite there Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. F. Scott Fitzgerald NEVER GIVE UP WHAT YOU WANT MOST, FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN THE MOMENT! Never. Give. Up. Even when you've hit rock bottom. Things *will* get better. Take it from me. I know what it feels like to want to end, but i also know what it feels like to find the courage to go on again. No one will love you more than yourself. Nothing says [[happiness]] like bones. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels (or nothing tastes as good as skinny feels) Nothing. Nothing is wrong. And asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. Your strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you. Oevereating is a sign of moral weaknesss. Eat for necessity, not pleasure. Oh Shit! My mom just walked in the room and Im sure she seen the pic of the girl below. I closed the window ASAP but not fast enough. She probably thinks im into girl on girl or looking at porn oor something. LOL Oh well, its better than her noing what im really doing. Oh, ana. Hold me tighter so I can block out every bad feeling, and shut down entirely. Make me empty, cause I don't want to be full anymore. One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure, clear shape of me. Bones. That is, after all, what we're made up of, and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up. No deposit, no return. One foot in front of the other - that if I just keep going, eventually I'll get somewhere. One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts." oooh, ride that hunger high baby!!! Pain is temporary; Pride is forever. Perfect and elegant Starvation is control control is tuff ... I want to be perfect Thin isn't enough Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away. Pretend to have confidence, and eventually it will catch up to you. Problem is that diets not a big enough word I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view Procrastinate! Never eat today what you might as well eat tomorrow. Quod me nutrit, me destruit (What nourishes me, also destroys me.) Re-measure, reweigh, try harder. Sacrifice is giving up something good (food), for something better ( beauty) Screw people, there's always someone trying to bring you down.
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Self-control is the quality that distinguishes the fittest to survive. -- George Bernard Shaw She doesnt see her beauty. shes so glamorous in that heart-broken, shattered spirit dead on the [[ i n s i d e ]] kind of way. Shit, i forgot to get laxatives Skin && bones Ribs && wrists Thin vs. fat Forever ana. So they call her ana && she gives us control in life she makes us gorgeous. She wants to be the girl in the magazines. Sometimes i just want to tell someone, anyone, what i go through, what its like, and how much it hurts. I just want to scream it at the top of my lungs. Somthing malnnourished. It isn't the daily recomended allowance of food and sunshine that makes you beautiful by any North American standard. There's something waxy about how her arms and legs come out of her dress looking raw and white. You could see her living behind barbed wire. -- Survivor by Chuck Palahnuik Sorry to be such a post whore/skank/slut/loose woman. starve on, pretties Strength is beauty, beauty is bones Strict is my diet. I must not want. sure, recovery is hard to imagine. but eventually you will be ready for it. meanwhile, we're here for you and love you. That food looks good, but I look better <3 That greasy fry, it cannot lie, the truth is written, upon your thigh That lite feeling... I've got it. Its been two months since I have felt It, its like a drug, its warm, dizzy and tingly. It kind of feels like deja vu with a dream. it smells like clean hair and Marc jacobs perfume. Everything feels so clear and possible with this lite feeling... any one else get the fasting high? the definition of what looking perfect is: When people who are too fat try to lose weight to look like you, while people who are too skinny try to put on weight to look like you. The difference between pretty and beautiful is - pretty is temporal - whereas beautiful is eternal. The difference between want and need is self control. The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson The flat stomach is nice, but a concave one is perfect.
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The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh. The human soul needs actual beauty more than bread. -- D.H. Lawrence The less I swallowed, the more I declined, the more I hope to pare things down to the essentials. The mirrior is her enemy The scales not her friend Bones, to her are beautiful Shell starve until the end. The more they give me, the less I'll eat. the more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in battle. The only freedom left is the freedom to starve. The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. -- Arthur C. Clarke The shit we're doing to ourselves is only a problem if we plan to live a terribly long time. The word is control. That's my ultimate - to have control. them calories just gotta go, stopped eating a year ago. There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your youth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, 'It all depends on me'. There is no try, there is only DO. there will be long, lean days ahead. Desire can be uelled by a single act of will. Theres a thin line between anger and hunger...and I ride a unicycle down the middle. These scars remind me of my past On my arm they will always last. They always say they're concerned with me, about my health, when all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force-feed me with lies, with what they call love. They say I could die if I get to thin and I tell them I Could die getting to fat also. The difference is dieing thin is a challenge and I am not one to give up one a challenge. Thin has a taste all its own. Think higher of yourself, your too good to put that in your body. Think thin, lovelies. Fight the food. Crush the cravings. Beat the bulge. Thinner is the winner. This is not deprivation: it's freedom Those bones don't mean I'm skinny, they mean there's more to lose Time spent wasting is not wasted time. To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping. If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all. Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it. Waste no tears over the griefs of yesterday -- thats my new motto We are prisoners of our taste buds - BREAK FREE!
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We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. -- Aristotle We live in a fat world, so dont be like everyone else. We sound funny. No really, we do. Our tummies growl. Our joints creak and crack. We hiccup like the devil. If anyone had any clue as to what to look for in an anorexic, they sure wouldn't have a hard time figuring us out, with our bodies sending messages the way they do. I'm pretty sure I love it though. Well, i don't eat anything, and if i feel like i'm about to faint, i eat a cube a cheese! - the devil wears prada Well, we can all get through the holidays now. Get chocolate? Pee on it! Yummy cake for a Christmas party? Pee on it! Christmas cookies? Pee on it! What can mar beauty. A clashing colour, wind-swept hair, an ill-timed word? The beautiful remain beautiful. What we call failure is not falling down but staying down. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down. What's in your fingers today is on your hips tomorrow. When I wake, I'm empty, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will. When it comes to losing weight, those who can do; those that can make excuses. When it comes to losing weight, those who cando. Those who cannot, make excuses. When you are empty, you are empty of your sins. Who I am is not what I do. But What I do affects who I am. I can decide what I do. Therefore, I can decide and change who I am. why can't they bottle willpower???? Why do I always communicate my pain with my body instead of my voice? Why do I claim your thoughts as my own I don't want to be a clone I need to escape and do it soon Fuck the consequenses, Fuck the unknown Why do we eat? To fill in the emptiness. Why do we starve? To punish ourselves and deprive ourselves for doing wrong. Neither of the two seem to be very satisfying. Fast leads to Binge. Bing leads to starve. What a beautiful, never ending cycle, eh?
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Why is it so much easier to gain weight than to lose weight? Life is so unfair. WithoutPassion, Wed be truely dead. Yes love, we're here for you. A thousand shoulders to cry on, ears to hear you scream at the world, arms to join you in celebration, voices to sing your praise. You are strong and beautiful, and we will not let you forget that. You are what you eat. You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You can learn to love anything I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed, or have a hunger headache or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, if feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control. You can never be too rich or too thin. You cannot eat it all and still be thin you deserve to be treated with love and respect, hun. nothing less. You have a choice to make, do you want to be "Normal" and overweight like the rest of the world, Or do you want to be unique and be that girl every overweight person wants to be? It's all up to you. You have come too far to take orders from a cookie! You have such a pretty face, why don't you try dieting? You want food? Look at those THIGHS! You will achieve your grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day - - - not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal - - - to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished. Og Mandino http://www.totse.com/en/ego/self_improvement/17rules.html You will be tempted often, but you must make a choice, do you eat with guilt and hatred for yourself and gain? or, do you commit yourself to your goals, and show your strength with each pound you lose? You will be tempted quite frequently. You will have to choose whether to enjoy yourself wholly for those 20 minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you will despise yourself cordially for the next three days. 10. Eat to live, but don't live to eat. you`re not skinny enough, you`re too fat, you`re not good enough. Youre looking skinny like a model With your eyes painted black Going to the bathroom Keep saying youll be right back Well it takes one to know one kid && I think youve got it bad.
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Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess baggage the shorter the trip.
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Part Five - Poetry and Lyrics

Ana's Best Friend
Everyday we live this hell, over and over again. The constant battle we both hate to fight, Will always come back again. Still to me you are my friend, my joy, my life, and love. You're are my drug I don't want to quit or never ever give up. You give me strength and hope and faith, That everything will will turn out right again. But deep in side, I really know we'll always being waging this fight. It's been over one year when I first called you friend, And over a year since I have really lived life. And still I turn to you for the answers to all my many problems. In the end it will be me or you A victory I'm not sure I want to win. It may come soon or near or far, But we know it will once again. And in that duel, to whom ever shall prevail. This one thing will remain for certain From now and till forever more. I am glad to have the honor of calling you my best friend for life.
a poem for ana (shes a bitch aint she?)

whenever you feel weak. only one word will tweak the cravings you have at night that word is... cellulite its kind of a chant of mine to keep me from binging or i eat in front of the mirror or look down at myself or just listen to the sound of my thighs scraping together god damn it to hell and back (and then to hell again)
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Sell Your Soul for Complete Control

ahhhhhhh i want to run away. from everything. and just sleep my life away. and wake I wake up everything would be perfecct. I would be thin. My parents wouldnt fight. My friends would like me. My boyfriend would never want to leave me. Everything would be fine.
Untitled
Dear ana,...u will soon kill me if you do not go i do not want u to leave this u must know i cry at night for someone to understand that this is not normal nor was it planned ana...u help me be strong i put things in my body that doesnt belong i jus want to be thin i scream to myself im starving whithering my soul away i c i need help so i convinced myself that u r gone ana...i began to eat i dont stop eating untill i cant breathe to the bathroom is the next stop, the toliet is my best-friend hours spent bent over u... the fun times never end then i realized ana u havent gone away in my heart in my soul u stay to get rid of u i have to make a new me that doesnt sound so comforting ana... please go away i do not desire any more for u to stay i think it is silly that i can not eat and if i do eat i must feel guilty eating is normal and normal is my goal but that will cause me to give up self control ana...uve made me lie to myself family and friends im sorry ana...but u must end!!!
Ana's Creed
I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the chaos that is my world. I believe that i am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have existed on the planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention. I believe that other people who tell me differently are idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do. I believe in perfection and strive to attain it. I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did yesterday.
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I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures. I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I am living in it. I believe in a wholey black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
The Game you Never Thought I'd Play.

Destroy, kill and Run. Thats I'll I want when you come around. I want to see you cold still and life less laying in front of me, choking on your own blood. So Let's play a game Heads I lose and tails you win. That's how you play, never giving me a chance. Now your luck's run out, and you can't win. But now its my chance to play that game. I'll take you away and youll never come back Slit your wrist then go for your throat, Put you on display for all your friends to see See what you have made me be. You hut me and you know it,so don't act like you don't. You said you never meant to but i think you planned it form the start! You planned it from the start! So Let's play a game Heads I lose and tails you win. That's how you play, never giving me a chance. Now your luck's run out, and you can't win. You lay there not moving. Does that mean your dead or just gone? To me you are dead, So I guess that answer's easily found. Don't move, Don't breath, and you will make my dreams come true, You will make my wildest dreams come true. So Let's play a game Heads I lose and tails you win. That's how you play, never giving me a chance. Now your luck's run out, and you can't win. Today I woke up. A smile slid across my face as I came to reality of what had happened. You know why I smiled too. That dream of mine, It finally came true.
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Dear Ana:
I offer you my soul, my heart and my bodily functions. I give you all my earthly possessions. I seek your wisdom, your faith and your feather weight. I pledge to obtain the ability to float, to lower my weight to the single digits, I pledge to stare into space, to fear food, and to see obese images in the mirror. I will worship you and pledge to be a faithful servant until death does us part. If I cheat on you and procreate with Ronald McDonald, Dave Thomas, the colonel or that cute little dog. I will kneel over my toilet and thrust my fingers deep in my throat and pray for your forgiveness. Please Ana, don't give up on me. I'm so weak, I know, but only you with your strength inside me will I become a woman worthy of love and respect. I'm begging for you not to give up, I'm pleading with my shallow breathes and my pale skin. I bleed for you, suffer leg pains, headaches and fainting spells. My love for you makes me dizzy and confused I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Men run when they see the love I have for you and never return. But they aren't important to me all that's important is that you love me. If you stay with me, I will worship you daily, I will run miles a day, come rain, snow, bitter cold or searing heat I will run from the pain and in fright. I will do 1,000 sit ups a day and lie to my family about what I eat and how I feel. I will stop weeping when I feel your warm arms embrace my shivering body. I will numb the hunger pains with razor blades and your strength. Today, I renew our friendship and resolve to be faithful to you year long, life long. I begin each year with a 3 day fast in honor of you. If you give me the strength to fade away I will love you and worship you forever. When I'm finally faded to nothing, when you've given me the gift of ending this torturous life. I will float on to the next world and be thin and beautiful payment for my undying love for you in this world. I ask only one more thing you, please Ana, remove me from this hell, from this world ASAP. Please take away this hatred for my pain and allow me to be free and light. Love Always
Letter From Ana:

Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you. In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.
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Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look....fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl. But I am about to change all that. I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one. I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you. Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down. Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, you are going to get fat.
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When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain! Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself. Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please. I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way. Sincerely, Ana
((EXERSISE IS GOOD FOR YOU))

Standing on your tiptoes, running on the spot, Exercise is good for you, Laziness is not! One, two, three, four, bouncing on your feet,l Where is Orinoco? -- Probably asleep! Up in the morning for a five mile run, Down to the river for a swim: Biceps a-bulging, it's all good fun, Chest out and keep your tummy in! Jumping in your gym shoes, skipping with a rope, If you haven't got the energy you haven't got a hope. Running in the morning, (good for the thighs) Running in the evening, (good for the eyes). Physical exertion makes you strong,
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Keeps you alert and slim: Just keep skipping and you can't go wrong, You'll be sound in mind and limb. Left, right, left, right, up down, stop! Is anybody tired yet? -- Tomsk is not! Puffing like a steam train, running like a horse, Is anyone for tennis now? -- Tomsk of course! Poetry in motion, legs in line, Pressing up and pressing down, four-four time.
tune for singing in the car

I'm losing weight yea yeah I'm losing weight And i'm feeling good! I'm losing weight at an alarming rate but I'm feeling great! yea yeah
a xmas song for cleaning

dashing thru the house, Ive got to make it shine, Cause I got friends a coming over, and I'm running out of time. I need to mop the floors, and wash the dishes too. dont forget the bathroom, I've got so much to do. ohhhhh clean the stove, move the trash, get your butt in gear, I dont have time, to change my mind, or sit down on my rear. spit and shine, I've lost my mind, what am I to do. I'll have a drink and clean the sink, better make it two!
Untitled2
Why is this so hard? Why? I don't get it. I really don't. I just want to have one day where I don't feel obese. Where I don't wanna die.
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Where I don't see things. Where I don't feel like shit. Where I don't want to hurt myself. Where I don't not sleep. Where I don't feel sick. Where everything is maybe a little good, even only a little. I want one day where I can say I was happy. Truly happy. For that whole day. Because if that day doesn' t come soon. I don't know how much more of this I can take. If I was skinny that'd all be true. I'd be happy. I know it, in my heart of hearts. Secretly, I'm jealous of people who are hospitalized for eating disorders. Because I know that they're as skinny as I want to be. And I'm so jealous it's positively ridiculous. I'm sick. In the head. I hate myself. I hate my body.
Ana
why do i fill like ana is my only friend. as i read through these posts i can relate to them. i fill happy iam not alone. i hate my family which i dont have much of as half of them have fucked off and to be fear i wish they all would and then they can leave me fucking alone. so i eat about 20 chocolate bars. FUCK OFF do you think iam fucking proud of eat. shall i just eat nothing instead. will you be happier then!!! AYYY???? just leave me be. i dont need nor wont you. i have ana and thats all i need and want.she makes me happy when i see the number drop. When the numbers go up its my fault not hers. She does her best to make me fill good. Sometimes i let her down. But no matter what she is always there. Trying and trying. Helping me through life. everyone has let me down in life. yes everyone i have ever known has let me down in one way or another. ana wont let me down. the numbers might go up but thats something i have done to let her down. she never leaves me like everyone else. she never hers me. its just me hurting myself. other people hurt me too however she doesnt she helps me thoguth it all and picks me up when iam down. FUCK YOU WORLD.
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my throat burns with this

this see-saw action chain reaction bottomless hole burns like fire scary as hell beauty is the end pillars crumble statues fall perfection a fleeting notion want it to end but terrified to stop those eyes mock me fire breathing nightmare bloodless face pale and drawn begging for an end to this downward spiral.... wrote this after binging and purging twice in 2 hours.... :(
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my christmas spirit
christmas. it's supposed to be a time of laughter, joy, love, blah, blah, blah. take this disease let me be just once i want what i need bitter sweet everywhere i turn i see my pretty little lies reflected back i'm being mocked i'm no good for you keys in hand i sit hands clenched where do i find the strength walk away run drive anything to take me away from this ever since i was little couldn't see it then but now i can was i so bad? have i brought you shame? this shouldn't be my cross to carry the baggage is yours tried to fight the inevitable crash breaking to pieces fragile like glass no glue in the world can fix this i used to lie awake wanting to be better now i'm far, far worse than i ever was before how can you not see
you did this you broke me you. tried to pick up the pieces too many to find some too small to see are you happy now? you've chained me down forever tried so hard to get away from you from me from everything you've chained me down forever poisonous sickness wrapped in its deceptive security blanket i find comfort in that which can only destroy me because of you. didn't you see the signs? it's been coming for awhile afraid to finally see over that ledge hypnotized i can't help but step closer my life has been scarred i pretend well a skilled actress i fool everyone that i can thank you for
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you taught me how to lie now i can't tell the truth love has lost its luster thanks for that. you ruined me. thanks. for that.
Thankful to not feel the longing in my now decaying heart for him to somehow come back and make me new and whole again. Distracted by my desire. My need for her feather-weight perfection. Ana promises me everything I ask. Except him. I have to let go of him. He'll ruin everything. He turns me onto depression induced binges. And I remember why I am a pathetic, undesirable cow as I imagine his face And lean over the toilet bowl to wretch. It's his fault. For Ana, for everything. But Ana consoles me now. We sit in the vast, empty space that is both my stomache and my heart. She talks about happiness And perfection. Dreams and impossible things. Her lies are like music to the ears. And I fall asleep to them, and dance to their rhythm and play them over in my head as I ignore the boring drawl that is the voice of each of my teachers, who all ignore my now as if I'm not there, since I haven't listened to a word they've said once the entire term. She devours what is left of my life, so that there are no remains of what I used to be. She leaves me incomplete. With no escape. Making sure no one else but her can fill me back up.
Fucking hell.
Carve out a place for yourself in my heart. Then leave me. Leave this wound you've inflicted to become infected. Left alone to find something to fill gap. Fill it up. With hunger and pride. A false sense of control. Or with. Gluttony and self loathing. And a silent plea for death to come swiftly. Because thin takes her time... Ana slinks in. Thin and pale, with bruise-like shadows beneath her eyes. Waif-like, her hair is soft and feathery, Not like the way she makes mine. More strawlike every day. She dances around the hole in my now weaklybeating, slow-pumping organ and claws at it. Ripping it deeper and wider. Hollowing my heart out completely. Going numb.
Snowflake
On twilight air she fell silently, alone, to her end. The sea holds her as to love her but she dies in the myth of love fading into arms that drown her.
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untitled poem
Every year is full of chances But every day is too Your fires start with glances The glances come from you And when you don't believe that's true Just try and prove you're wrong You'll see there's so much more inside You'll see that you are strong
My Room
This room is full of bubbles Empty just like air It wants to be a feather Delicate and light If this doesnt happen Then weve lost the fight Every days a struggle Will it ever end This room cant take it anymore Unless it will go up in a flame But I really hope it doesnt If it does I no whos to blame
I'll skip breakfast because of the time No-one will notice, as they sit at the table Stirring their cornflakes and watching their cable Staring at models, with their comic displays of how life is easy if you do it their ways You can skip lunch, no-one will care As you cry over food that's not even there It's ok, you'll work it off later But we all know you would much rather selfcater So bite your lip, for that's all you can chew Wait until dinner, stick to the plan like glue
A poem for you...

Tell me you need me And tell me you're sorry You can't live without me Promise me no betrayal. You'll be happy when You're the one he wants. When you're perfect. I'll never leave. You'll be happy when You're pretty enough, Good enough Thin enough.
ana::
I should have known That it wouldnt be long Until you Youve got me standing in an Awkward position With un-wanted attention And a need for explanation And its Not that Im letting go of you But I dunno what to do
It may be insane
It may be insane to spend all day looking at skinny women, turn the light off at night to an empty stomach. It may be insane to watch the numbers on the scale fall, but watch the person in the mirror gain rolls I've never seen before. It may be insane to think 200cals in 1 day is too much, to feel guilty after munching a single lettuce leaf.
empty stomach, perfect soul

i dont need it, i'm in control i dont give in, i don't look down I'll lose the weight, I'll shed the pounds. I'll wake up tomorrow, I'll be fine
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It may be insane to stand in the freezing cold, naked, just to make sure that the measurement is right.
dear ana
i had to eat, so i could study for my psychology exam. i swear i didn't want to, i It may be insane didn't... please don't look at to cry myself to sleep because my thighs touch, me that way. you know i even though I've lost 3lbs this week wouldn't do it if i didn't over the ammount I should. have to. i felt like a cow with every bite, it tore me up It may be insane inside. i promise to starve to starve myself to death, for you as soon as my exams to want so badly to be thin, are over. but I cant stop myself.
poem
When i look in the mirror, what do i really see? is that sad looking girl, actually me? i stare for a while, then i ask myself, when i look with my eyes, do i see the truth? or do i see the lies? so i hide behind my fake smile my make up and my hair, and i ask myself this question, 'why is life so unfair?'
poem. to try and explain.

my disease is a strange little thing, it comes in packages marked "super thin", and my friends always say "can't you see?" I reply "I just want to be me." So I continue to starve myself to death, the tinyiest grape makes me hold my breath, as my family go on and stare, I have to think "Am I getting there?" Am I getting closer to size number two? I feel so fat, At least I think I do... How long will it take before they have a clue? I dont want to be ordenary like you. my disease is caused by what I see, those OBEASE arround me. how the media says it's okay to be fat, I have to say FUCK THAT. I want total control over my skin, To be able to resist everything in the name of being thin. Its not about the skinny people I see, It's just how i want to be. I want to feel my ribs hips and thighs, theyll get smaller by avoiding pies, junk and other crap, I say no to that, and no to anything but water too.
Untitled
Skin and bone or fat and rolls To the water I'll sell my soul As the lack of food takes its toll I smile cause I'm in control. I could say yes; but I'll say no My hunger makes the day go slow Weight still high and confidence low Water is my friend; food, my foe. And hunger hurts, but thin is in Perfecting my body is not a sin I close my eyes as the room spins Just remember to think thin...
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I drove away my friends saying I don't want to eat I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat meat, I don't care if you think I'm too thin maybe your fat, either way I win. But now it has taken over me like a curse, And I tell you now in my last verse, fear of fat makes it ever worse, anorexia isn't glamourous or cool. This might kill me, I'm such a fool.
When you tell me that I am beautiful, I am reminded of these secrets we hide. For in the end I can't win, My life is a trap, a cycle, And I'm not sure I have an escape, Away from these secrets we hide. Don't you tell me it's simple, The voices in my head abuse me, They haunt every silence, Reinforcing these secrets we hide. Maybe one day I will be strong enough, I'll be brave enough to face the world, For in the end I'm running away, Hiding in the secrets we hide.
i found a poem today...

As you interrogate my every move, Asking about my habits, and the food, And about where I was last night, I'm reminded of these secrets we hide. And my mind feeds me the lies, As this emptiness rules my life, Carving away at a hole, To fill with these secrets we hide. In filling that void, I can run, Far away from the hole in my body, And I can feel safe, secure, and hopeful, Running from these secrets we hide. And when my eyes black over, When I sit down and cry, Feeling helpless and broken, I am torn between these secrets we hide. I am stuck between the hidden lies, Feeling dizzy and sick, Wanting to be saved, But I am scared of these secrets we hide. What a mess I am in, Too afraid to step out, I want help but I have a restraint, It lies in these secrets we hide. Everyone wants love, I just want to feel worthy,
Starved
Starved for attention can't you see? Starved for love thats not in me Starved for the sake of being right It's the only reason why I fight Stomach roaring, I ignore the pain Trust me, none of this is in vain Soon we will be good enough Just make it through, be tough Sometimes we mess up, we fail But just stick with it, we will prevail You think we're sick, somethings wrong It's only perfection we wanted all along I want someone to look and say Damn why can't I look that way Someone to say I look great And not like what I just ate. I might feel faint, and look weak Its the courage deep down I seek The courage to stay strong think thin And I will control the pain I'm in.
my poem
Wake up , still tired Page 77
Do you feel empty today? Ignore the headache It will soon go away You see the toast The jam and the butter The cereal the milk But your not hungry remember? Pour a glass of water This will be your brunch In an hour pour another This will be your lunch Grab some celery for a snack Its negative in calories and fat Eat this for dinner , look in the mirror Your stomachs still not flat I dont know why i bother Do you really want to be thin You used to eat 300 calories How could you let so much in I see you looking at the chocolates The donuts and cream cakes But if im going to really help You cannot make mistakes You reached target number one But do you see the size of your thighs Your stomach , your arms there all far to big They need to be at least half the size When i can see your ribs showing And your hip bones , as sharp as a knife Maybe then , youll be thin enough And maybe then ill leave your life
my poor bones
covered by thick flesh they deserve to be free. the process is difficult not everyone succeeds they deserve to be free. starvation and restriction exercise and malnutrition they deserve to be free. food is a choice take it or leave it i don't deserve to be free. control is strong confused by self hate i did it for you bones, you deserve to be free.
Eating Away
Everyday you get to me, You crawl under my skin. You yell and scream, And tear me down, Sometimes to where I can't stand. I gasp for air And try to breath But you just don't give in. I fight, I cry, and run and hide, Untill it starts again. I try to keep to myself, For I know you'll always win. But even then you'll never know the scars you've left in my skin.
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The So-Called Best Friend

My Life is a living Hell Why can't it all just end I trusted you with everything I thought you were my friend. You've made my life a misery Why can't you just see You treat me like the scum of the Earth Why do you do this to me? What did I do that was so wrong to make you treat me this way? You've used me one to many times I will no longer be your prey. As far as this matter concerns me this friendship has met its end! Thats right. I said it. Move on.....THE END!!!!!
I can not resist. My dream I will not dismiss. And if I die? No need to cry. I will be free. No longer kneeling to my disease. My heart will finally be at ease.
Untitled
I wish i was the pretty girl the one who always smiles I wish i was the thin girl who'd walk for miles and miles I wish i was the happy girl who's thoughts had not a care I wish i was the Skinny girl I'd finaly be 'Barely there' I wish i was the clever girl who's grades are all straight A's I wish i was the skeletal girl who's gone through more than just a phase i wish i was the Giddy girl that liked to laugh alot i wish i was the dead girl,, that the world forgot.
Spellbound
The mirror laughs, The mirror lies, The mirror screams, The mirror mocks. What do I see? Is it truly me? I listen as it speaks. My tears drop to the floor, I feel like a dirty whore. It wants more. It feeds on my reflecting silhouette, Whispering a threat. I owe a debt. I will disappear, Without fear. I will die for perfection, To gain the mirrors affection. It will no longer show rejection, And I will walk in the right direction. I crave what doesnt exist,
Ana's Last Night Poem

Lying here hungry ... My whole body in pain ... Should probably eat something ... But I feel to ashamed ... Starting to shiver now ... Beginning to shake ... God how I love this ... How my body just aches ... Got up for some cold water ... Then to take a cold shower ... Remind myself that soon ... I'll be a delicate flower ... Did 3 hours exercise ... But I must do some more ... Still got one pound to loose ... Like the pound I lost before ... Page 79
Whoa, got a dizzy head rush ... Colors dancing all around me ... Like little tiny faerie angels ... Wanting to set me free ... Oh wow, I'm floating with them ... Going high up in the sky ... I finally made it! ... To the thinness that is I ...
It scolds when things don't get done But is quiet when I'm efficient I never hear a positive word From the monster that's inside It insists on being angry Unless I behave with perfection It never stops its yelling I'm always needing correction This thing gets stronger When I am weak Some call it a conscience But to me, it's a monster looking to make me meek
Do you see?
do you see my beauty? my fear? my hate? my love? do you see my ability? my strength? my weakness? my drive? do you see my dreams? my likes? my dislikes? my passion? do you see my failings? my setbacks? my shortcomings? my flaws? yes you see my beauty? ..can you see these scars?
goals to be aced
superficial taste 20 inch waste skin like paste brain misplaced plastic eyes lipsuction thighs anorexia lies bulimia cries another one dies vomit princess makes a scene sword fights w/starvation queen to win the battle of skinny serene while living in a frozen dream a detrimental daily routine body bait mirrors of hate lifeless weight euphoria state heart beats late death is fate
It
It scolds me when I misbehave But is quiet when I behave It scolds me for being wrong But says nothing when I'm right It's in the front of my mind A little too easy to find The little voice just won't quit Once it's deep into a fit
Untitled
I'm brokenhearted, and discarded oh, and drunk. I miss comfort and I think I'm starving. Page 80
i always quit eating in relationship crisis mode. I am officially the most fucked up
person I Know. Possibly In existence.
dearest anorexia,
you're always here for me. even when i let you down so often. you remind me that one day i can be thin and pretty. that one day i can be you. you punish me when i fail you. you reward me when i succeed. you are my best friend ana. and my worst enemy. i need you more then ever. even though some say you'll kill me. i trust you more then i should. but you understand me more then they would. together we'll win this battle. together we'll put up a fight. i won't eat much at all each day, and i'll thank you, ana, tonight. you make me much stronger then i ever thought i would be. i'm all alone in this world some times, just my ana and me.... i won't let you down anymore your slave-
untitled3
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see When I go out I can feel everyone's eyes burning into my fat flesh I know that everyone is pointing and laughing at me I know that I am the fattest girl in the room I used to love to dance I used to love to sing and play my guitar I used to love playing sports But who wants to see THIS dance or sing or run around?? So then I starve myself and with every pound I lose, I lose a part of me... and gain a new weakness But I would rather be weak and beautiful than strong because I have to be. So I'll continue to starve and restrict and pull myself to tiny, litt perfectly trim pieces and I'll be the girl that everyone wants to be And I'll want to be anyone but myself.
Ana Psalm
Strict is my diet. I must not want. It maketh me lie down at night hungry. It leadeth me past the confectioners. It trieth my willpower. It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my body's sake. Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department, I will buy no sweet rolls for they
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are fattening. The cakes and the pies, they tempt me. Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce. I filleth my stomach with liquids. My day's quota runneth over. Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the fear of the scales forever.
Ana Creed
Thin is beauty; therefore I must be thin, and remain thin, If I wish to be loved. Food is my ultimate enemy. I may look, and I may smell, but I may not touch! I must think about food every second of every minute of every hour of every day... and ways to avoid eating it. I must weigh myself, first thing, every morning, and keep that number in mind throughout the remainder of that day. Should that number be greater than it was the day before, I must fast that entire day. I shall not be tempted by the enemy (food), and I shall not give into temptation should it arise. Should I be in such a weakened state and I should cave, I will feel guilty and punish myself accordingly, for I have failed her. I will be thin, at all costs. It is the most important thing; nothing else matters. I will devote myself to Ana. She will be with me where ever I go, keeping me in line. No one else matters; she is the only one who cares about me and who understands me. I will honor Her and make Her proud.
Remember..........
'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
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"Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie - not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! ~Author Unknown~
What's wrong with you.?

Why the hell can you only think about food.? What do you wana be, invied by others, or have others sympythisse you cos your so fat.? Don't you dare eat. If you eat, you'll never reach that dream body you want. You'll never look good. Go ahead and eat. Go ahead and stuff your face with everything you see. You have absolutly no control....You're letting yourself down. you're letting me down. You call yourself an Anorexic, but you eat all day. hour after hour you consume those discusting calories. "oh my god it hurts to much!" DEAL WITH IT.! the pain is good. If you dont feel pain, how do you know its working.? You're no Anorexic. You're a fake. keep going the way you're going. & you'll see that this summer you will discust everyone with the fat jiggling over your bikini. Keep disapoiting me. You can save yourself right now. Take my hand, and i'll help you be thin. But dont EVER let me down again. -Ana-
Dear Ana&&Mia,
iim writting you a letter to let you know what good friends weve become, only ii feel your intensions are not as good natured as i first thought. ii use to be a girl who saw herself and pretty and had a nice body, ii thought i was attractive, ii would go out with my friends, ii would go to parties and feel gorgeous, ii would take compliments and agree, ii thought ii was good enough for my boyfriend, ii thought i was a good friend, ii thought i was a good daughter, ii thought ii was a good daughter, sister....person. However im am learning that ii am not. iim fat and disgusting and worthless and ugly and wobbley, and unattractive and not gorgeous in anyway, iim a bad friend, daughter, student, and especailly a bad girlfriend.
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No wonder nathan looked for other girls, im horrible and gastly too look at, all them girls were beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, tall, thin, skinny, slender, gorgeous arms, legs, stomachs, faces, smiles.....why dont ii smile anymore..? ii deserved for him to hurt me, because why would anyone want to be with someone like me... iive failed everyone i went from fat and disgusting and became okay, almost pretty, then i was a fat cow and ate, and became lazy.....then i put weight back on, my bodies disgusting huge tummy, arms, bum, legs, everywhere...!! ii will never be pretty ii will never be thin ii will never be gorgeous ii will never be good enough ii will never be perfect.... Is there any hope for me.. ii let you take over, have full control, yet its never enough is it...? i've given up everything for you friends... going out.... being a teenager... feeling good about who i am... feeling as though im good enough for peoples time... being able to eat with my family... being able to be honest.. All i do is lie to everyone, what sort of person lies ot all her loved ones and watches them get hurt..? Only ugly fat disgusting slobs like me do that..!! All i want is to make the mirror happy, make everyone happy, make you happy.....me happy..... ii want to be beautiful...is that impossible for me...? to be accepted..? will ii ever be quite enough...? ii carry on day to day, these arguments going on in my head 'eat, dont eat' no matter what i do its never good enough for you....ever....nothing ive ever done has been good enough for any.. family friends boyfriend - ii thought he loved me, he says he does, why did he break my heart..? what do them girls have i dont....everything :'( Will i ever be good enough for anyone..? ii give myself to you, ii will do better, ii promise....x
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are you hungry ?

you are craving food right now, huh? What do you think you are doing? Don't you dare go anywhere near food! Don't touch it; don't even think about it. What do you want to do, become a fat cow? I am your best friend, and if you eat, you are failing me and letting me down. If you eat right it shows what little self-control you have. That pain in your stomach right now, that is me, and that is your fat melting away. When you feel empty, it means you are empty of your sins. Summer is coming up. You want to be able to walk around in booty shorts and a bikini top, don't you? You want to walk around in a bikini with your flat, firm little stomach and your toned little thighs. You to be able to run your hand over your stomach and feel your ribs. You want to go to the mall and see that skimpy outfit and know you would look damn good in it. You made a commitment to me. I am your life and obsession. Don't break what we have. I will give you everything you want, but you have to give me what I want. And I want you to stay away from food. Go have some water. Go drink some tea or coffee. Or better yet - go to the gym, fatty! Don't show me what little self-control you have. Don't defy me. You know that if you go eat right now, you will end up on your knees puking it all up until you see blood and water and your stomach is aching. You will regret eating as soon as those calories and that fat slip past your tonsils and down into your body to add to that extra roll on your stomach. You are going to get cellulite. You are going to look like the typical fat soccer mom. I can give you so much - I can give you a great body. Show me your control and I will show you a flat stomach. Show me you love me and can keep me a secret and stay away from food and I'll give you those shaped little thighs. Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass. You love me. If you eat now and throw away what you are working for, I will hate you. And you will hate yourself. You have a meal plan; you have goals and dreams. Don't throw that all away now. Don't give up what you really want for something you want now. Don't eat. You are still no supermodel. Don't fail me. Don't eat!
Untitled
Every time I think I've fought free it consumes me, Every time I Know that I have broken the spell, it proves me wrong, Every time I feel that I have some how crawled free it pulles me back, Every time I concieder that I am free, it lures me back with false promises, And every time I belive that I am Normal I am left alone to cry my glittering tears until my heart has but all disapered
Letter of encouragement :
Dear Everyone :) I want you to know how amazing each and every one of you are. Each day I've been here I've seen so much support and welcome. We are here for the purpose of being able to reach our goals and having that support system there for us when we cannot get it from any other place. We come from all over the world, yet, we all seem to get along keep each other going. YOU keep me going. YOU make me feel like each day is less of a struggle. I am so glad to have come here. I read so many posts about how everyone's day went, wheather it be good or well, not as good as we would have liked. Even if its just a short "good job" or "stay strong", there is always something there for us to work with, to help us. I just want everyone to know how much we each
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mean to eachother even if you don't realize it. We are not alone with our struggles, we are not alone when it comes to stress, depression, even those stupid cravings. I love you all, reach for the stars. Stay strong and think thin. We can all get where we can't to be. Encouragement is the key. ~J
Revelation
It took me a few weeks of extreme disloyalty to figure this out, but you know what I've finally realized? I gave this so much of myself that I don't have anything without it. Without ana I'm worthless. I like being starving and knowing that it's all worth it. I like the dizzy feeling on day four of a fast. I like the superior feeling of knowing that I'm better than food. I want this, and I don't care who I have in my life telling me to stop or telling me that they're worried. Fuck them. Fuck "recovery". Fuck fat people and their damn food. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Sorry for the rant, and for anyone who's in recovery right now...I'm sorry. (I'm a little riled up right now, if you can't tell. Meh.)
Untitled
Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you. In the past, you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future. Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look.... fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl. But I am about to change all that. I expect a lot from you. You are not allowed to eat much. It will start slowly: decreasing of fat intake, reading the nutrition labels, cutting out junk food, fried food, etc. For a while, the exercise will be simple: some running, perhaps some crunches and some sit ups. Nothing too serious. Perhaps drop a few pounds, take a little off of that fat tub of a stomach. But it won't be long before I tell you that it isn't good enough.
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I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one. I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you. Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that??? To revert back to the fat COW you once were??? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down. Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, you are going to get fat. When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain!
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Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares?!?!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself. Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please. I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break loose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way. Sincerely Ana
she screams when she sings

Oh Ana what are you doing to me? You make me feel superior when those other fat cows eat and you make me happy when I'm upset. The hunger pang is like a high I get and I have you to thank. As I listen to the songs that were inspired by you, I get lost in the thoughts you give me. How much did I eat today? I AM a fat cow! I had 400 calories and look what I have to show for it! I love that you sing to me when I watch others eat. " look at those fat cows. Look at all those calories that will go strait to their fat bodies!"
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It makes me feel better about myself. But is it you that keeps me cold all day? I freeze no matter what I wear, are you doing that? I look down and all I see is fat. I can touch it and I can see it, but is it really real? I am becoming 2 people. There's the disgusting, hideous, fat side that needs to work her fat flab off and there's the other side that you control. Calm, happy, and strong. How do you do that? I don't know how I ever truly lived without you Ana. Don't ever leave me.
binge stopper.
Oh, so your craving food right now, huh? What do you think you are doing? Dont you dare go anywhere near food! Dont touch it; dont even think about it. What do you want to do, become a fat cow? I am your best friend, and if you eat you re failing me and letting me down. If you eat right it shows what little self-control you have. That pain in your stomach right now, that is me, and that is your fat melting away. When you feel empty, it means you are empty of your sins. You want to be able to run your hand over your stomach and feel your ribs. You want to go to the mall and see that skimpy outfit and know you would look damn good in it. You made a commitment to me. I am your life and obsession. don't break what we have. I will give you everything you want, but you have to give me what I want. And I want you to stay away from food. Go hav some water. Go drink some tea or coffee. Or better yet- go to the gym fatty! Don't show me what little self-control you have. Don't defy me. You know that if you go eat right now, you wll end up on your knees puking it all up intill you see blood and water and your stomach is aching. You will regret eating as soon as those calories and that fat slip past your tonsils and down into your body to add to tat extra roll on your stomach. You are going to get cellulite. You are going to look like the typical fat soccer mom. I can give you so much- i can give you a great body. Show me your control and I will show you a flat stomach. Show me you love me and can keep me a secret and stay ayw from food and I'll give you those shaped little thighs. Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass. You love me. If you eat npw and trhow away what you are working for, I will hate you. And you will hate yourself. You have a meal plan; you have goals and dreams. Don't throw that all away now. Don't give up wat you really wamt for something ou want now.Don't eat fatty. You are still no supermodel like Kate Moss. Don't fail me. Don't eat. You're at a pro-ana site. I guess that means you think you're fat or something. Well, guess what? *DING! DING! DING!* You're right! You're disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Feel your stomach. Feel the rolls of flab, the jiggling mass.... Look at all the gorgeous models and actressses on TV. See any rolls? HELL no! These girls are THIN, baby! They don't know what it's like to step on a scale and break the damn thing. They don't have
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to wear size XXL! they're THIN! Yeah, and you're not. You're despicable. Absolutely nasty. You're a fat m*therf*cking cow. PUT DOWN THAT FOOD! Don't you even DARE think of putting it in your mouth! You'll feel it slide right to your hips, your thighs. You're already bulging out of your pants. You don't need any more food, all it's gonna do is make you fatter. You're already a whale, a hippo, a fat ass. You are gross, no member of the opposite sex would even THINK of liking you because you won't fit through their front door.You'll crack their floor and smash their bed to smithereens. You're so disgusting! Have you ever seen people looking at you?With disgust? It's true. They're wishing that they'll never EVER have to look as bad as you. They're wishing you scarf down your food and thinking, "Look at that person! What a terrible lack of self-control!" And it's true. And you call yourself ana! You're no true ana. You're FAT! FAT! FAT! FAT! What a terrible word, an ugly horrible word. Too bad it's the truth. Too bad you're fat. A blimp. A monstrosity. You want to wear those cute new clothes? Haha, not with THAT stomach! Or THOSE legs! Sure, they look good on models, but honey, you're FAT. Fat people wear tent dresses and ugly shoes. Fat people can't wear cute clothes because they can't look good in them. Fat people have no control and eat everything they see. You want to live like that? Livethe ret of your ;ife ;imnering around, too big for airline seats, too big for cars, too big to ever get yourself a spouse and live happily ever after? No fairy tale for you, dearie. You're a bucket of lard, a complete disgrace to the name ana. You'll never be skinny. NEVER unless you PUT DOWN THAT FOOD, get your lazy ass up and exercise! Go run! Do jumping jacks! Do sit-ups! And fast fast fast! No eating for someone like you. You're gross and FAT! Remember that.... -Ana-
I just wanna cry...

I feel like a lost cause. A failure. an empty ugly fat girl. i miss who i used to be before recovery. i miss the control. i feel out of control. No matter what anyone ever tells you...you're never fully recovered.never. I'm always going to feel guilty about eating anything. I'm always going to wish I was thinner. I'm always going to regret eating that slice of pizza, or drinking a beer with my friends. I can't stand living like this anymore. I need an out. I just wanna cry. peace. love.
Song writing/freewriting
I'm so annoyed and done with feeling so torn Sometimes I feel too strong to carry on I just need to lift the weight off my shoulders I miss you girl, you are my own You are my own, you are my own
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My own salvation lies in your love Yes, I'm talking to you there in the mirror Can't you see? I had a dream I stood there, And saw myself for who I am But I can never be sure, I've never known before I want out, outta here and outta there I wanna get up and lift up From the depths of my emotions And I want to feel free again Everybody's watching, everyone waits I can't keep this with what I want to accomplish It's one or the other I know both roads, but there's no middle track And no off-roading! Declare it true, if only she knew
Untitled
She's lying right in front of me, her body twisted in places not meant to be. Her neck is broken, her eyes are dead and there's a bullet wound in the center of her head. Her blood flows down into the waterbed, coloring the once black water a vibrant red. What has happened? What did she do? a voice instead my head sings, "can that really be you?" Hysterical laughter fills my ears, re-capturing my attention and affirming my fears. The murderer stands above the girls body, eyes gleaming. God only knows what she had been scheming. Her ribcage is visible beneath her skin, oh she is perfect, she's so thin! Her hipbones are sharp and her collarbone clear I stand there and watch her, my body tense with fear. Blood covers her hands and is stained in her hair that poor girl below her, fell victim to her snare. She's laughing at the body, proud of what she's done.
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What was this a game to her? Her way of having fun? "Stop it!" I scream, hands ready to choke. But my fingers slip right through her. Is this a joke? Her cackles continue to ring through the air I want to grab her gun, pull the trigger if I dare. "What is wrong with you?" I shout, my eyes flare. No answer. Just more laughter. Obviously she doesn't care. I kneel beside the body, searching for some life. I gasp as I move closer, her body's been marred by a knife. I turn her over, but am too scared to see her face. But I know I have to, if I want to leave this place. Her neck flops to the side, making a sickening crackle, And the murderer above us gives another cackle. As I stare at the face before me, tears strike my eyes. "That's not me, it's not me," I can't stop my lies. I hover over my own corpse; it reeks of death. And I whisper, "You killed me," with my one last breath.
THE POSTAL SERVICE LYRICS

"We Will Become Silhouettes" I've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water, And pictures of you and i'm not coming out Until this is all over And i'm looking through the glass where the light bends At the cracks And i'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending The echoes belong to someone Someone i used to know And we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go Ba ba ba... I wanted to walk through the empty streets And feel something constant under my feet, But all the news reports recommended that I stay indoors Because the air outside will make our cells Divide at an alarming rate until our shells Simply cannot hold all our insides in, And that's when we'll explode (and it won't be a pretty sight)
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And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go Ba ba ba... And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go Ba ba ba... And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go Ba ba ba... And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go Ba ba ba... And we'll become And we'll become
Untitled
Fools with matchless features know nothing of sadness We graze constantly throughout the day with tricks At times we fill our heads with madness Taking in all the words from invisible critics Soon blank stares appear on our faces We cease to consume and continue to disconnect We live in quiet through the changes But through all the perfection we become wrecked We grow proud of our make-believe We cant place how it got so bad In the end all we want is for it to leave But even that gets us sad Nothing would make us happier Than to dissapear
dearest ana,
you're always here for me. even when i let you down so often. you remind me that one day i can be thin and pretty. that one day i can be you. you punish me when i fail you. you reward me when i sucseed. you are my best friend ana. and my worst enemy. i need you more then ever. even though some say you'll kill me. i turst you more then i should. but you understand me more then they would. together we'll win this battle. together we'll put up a fight. i won't eat much at all each day, and i'll thank you, ana, tonight. you make me much stronger then i ever thought i would be. i'm all alone in this world some times, just my ana and me.... i won't let you down anymore your slave-
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Paintbrush
I keep my paintbrush with me, Wherever I may go, In case I need to cover up, So the real me doesn't show. I'm so afraid to show me to you, Afraid of what you'll do, That you might laugh or say mean things, I'm afraid I might lose you. I'd like to remove all of my paint coats, To show you the real, true me, But I want you to try and understand, I need you to accept what you see. Now my coats are all stripped off, I feel naked, bare and cold, And if you still love me with all that you see, You're my friend pure as gold. I need to keep my paintbrush with me, And hold it in my hand. I want to keep it handy, In case somebody doesn't understand. So please protect me, my dear friend And thanks for loving me true. But I need to keep my paintbrush with me, Until I love me too.
Do you like it?

What I see in the mirror your couldn't imagine in your wildest dreams. What I see in the mirror would send chills down your spine. What I see in the mirror simply isn't me. What I see in the mirror I can't hide from. I want to break you shatter you make you go away. I want to end this miserable hold you have had on my life. Let me fly Let me be free Let me escape this pain. Let me be better than her for just one moment. What I want, you cant hold in your hands What I want, you cant understand. What I want, is something I'll never get
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Right
Blinding light-stretching, shrinking, squeezing tight Hey, I'm just trying to be perfect...You understand, right? I don't care. It's for me. Do you care? Why don't you?Aren't I supposed to be "dieing"? I fucking need your help! Or maybe I'm lying..or maybe I'm lying. It's all mine. I don't care. Try as you might-fainting, waiting, puking, weighing is right If I were alone, tears would wash away that one bite It was for you. Happy? No, I don't want food! What, do you think that I'm lying? Wait, please don't leave! I think I'm dying... I'm dying. Tell me I'm fine; for me? Oh, no, it's night-I'm alone and I'm scared and food is in sight Filling the toilet with food and tears...No, I won't be alright. I won't be alright...I won't be alright... I won't be alright...I won't be alright... Ana & Mia have me convinced that they're right.
this is working
I look in the mirror very seldom. It's so easy to put the scale away and still lose weight. I am aware of what I eat, especially sugar I am aware of what I eat, especially fatty foods. I am calm. I am relaxed about my food. I eat when I am hungry. I savor each bite. I am skinny and gorgeous. I smile a lot so everyone can see my white teeth. And I brighten people up. I am happy. I am healthy. I am fine. I am loved.
My bones are screaming

My bones are screaming, they want to be seen Have you seen my bones? Have you seen me?? I lost myself so long ago; Im scared Ill never find my soul
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Ill always be this empty hole. Wait, you say youve seen my bones? How can that be? Their covered by my insecurities I used to have friends but their gone too, I wonder if they ever knew They made me this way; and although I wake up each day, Im already forgotten, Its so useless to stay.
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Part Six View from the Outside

Support from non-ED people
If you want to help support someone with an eating disorder, here are a couple resources. What comments to someone with an ED are good and bad http://www.bodypositive.com/replies.htm. This site has good information for family/bf/gf/friends http://www.somethingfishy.org/
ED Myths
While phrased in terms of anorexia, the following mostly apply to bulemia, COE, and most eating disorders as well. Myth Anorexics are incredibly thin middle class white women. Anorexics are doing it for attention and.or vanity. Anorexia is a choice. Anorexics all have unrealistic or impossible weight goals. Reality Anorexics can be any size, race, gender, age, or social status. Anorexics are doing it because they cant stop. Anorexia is a mental illness.* In a recent survey, 70% of people with ED had weight goals that were not dangerously low.
* http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/anorexia_nervosa.jsp
What is Anorexia?
To be diagnosed as having anorexia nervosa, according to the DSM-IV-TR (http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/anorexia.htm), a person must display: Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height (e.g., weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight less than 85% of that expected; or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected). Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming obese. Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight. In women who have had their first menstrual period but have not yet gone through menopause (postmenarcheal, premenopausal females), the absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles (amenorrhea). Or other eating related disorders.
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Furthermore, the DSM-IV-TR specifies two subtypes: Restricting Type: during the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has not regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior (that is, self-induced vomiting, over-exercise or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas) Binge-Eating Type or Purging Type: during the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in binge-eating OR purging behavior (that is, self-induced vomiting, over-exercise or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas). The ICD-10 criteria are similar, but in addition, specifically mention The ways that individuals might induce weight-loss or maintain low body weight (avoiding fattening foods, self-induced vomiting, self-induced purging, excessive exercise, excessive use of appetite suppressants or diuretics). Certain physiological features, including "widespread endocrine disorder involving hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis is manifest in women as amenorrhoea and in men as loss of sexual interest and potency. There may also be elevated levels of growth hormones, raised cortisol levels, changes in the peripheral metabolism of thyroid hormone and abnormalities of insulin secretion". If onset is before puberty, that development is delayed or arrested.
Diagnosis
today i was offically diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. as soon as i heard the words, i did not feel a sense of pride or accomplishment. i just broke down crying. all i feel is weak, defeated, emaciated. anorexia should not be glorified. there is nothing glamorous about the black outs, the uncontrollable shaking, the muscle spasms, the creaking bones. it's not fun to lose your social life because you can't go out to eat. you can't even watch a movie with your friends because you're too busy counting calories and planning your intake for the next day. it's not fun to be failing classes because you can't even concentrate. your brain is too starved to think. some days you'll even miss class because you're afraid of passing out just walking across campus. along the way, i've lost my personality. my only friend is Anorexia.
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Messages for Wannarexics

This is not a fun thing.
And for all of the wannas that say that they won't let it go to the point of where it controls them~ Do you actually think that the we really wanted to let it get this far? Do you think that in the beginning, when we first started this, we thought "Oh my gosh! I want to lose my friends, hate myself no matter how thin I am or how good I look. I want to become paranoid, worry about every bite I take and if someone is going to find out about my eating disorder! I want to wreck my life!!!!!!" None of us planned on being so mentally screwed. But it happened, didn't it? So for those of you who think that its cool, that its a fun way to get thin fast, a way to shock people, and then you can stop it before you are addicted, think again. Because when you actually become shockingly skinny, (I won't lie and say you won't be thin if you intentionally starve yourself. you will be thin.) you will be so addicted that you can't stop. Do you want to hate yourself more with every bite you take? I know what its like, to want to want to die. To hurt the thing on the outside, to try to kill the thing on the inside.
another warning
If you're already a member, then go ahead and skip this. But this is something I wish someone had told me a year ago.... I have always thought that I wouldnt wish this on anyone when thinking about my eating disorder. Ive justified it with excuses about messing with your metabolism and obsessing over calories. The truth is, I am willfully self-destructive. Enthusiastically, exhuberantly, masochistically self-destructive. And while I know that this isnt something I would have chosen for someone else, Im just now starting to realize that this isnt something I would have chosen, even for myself. Various aspects of it sucks. Yeah, it sucks to anticipate parties with dread instead of looking forward to them just because you know there will be pizza there. No, Im not a big fan of the numb, tingling sensation I get in my fingers after a few days of fasting. But underneath it all, I used to be pretty damn happy when I saw the results on the scale the next morning. And at that point, I still looked forward to eating, I still felt proud of myself as I counted up the hours since Id last eaten. I said my eating habits werent normal. Abnormal then was a good thing, to be worn like a badge. Im special! Being able to fingerpaint a VanGogh blindfolded is special. Eating disorders are just fucked up. I just saw my shadow in the hallway. I look like a scared little girl. Little isnt skinny or sexy. Its pathetic. Its wilting and fading and disappearing. And that realization doesnt make me anticipate when Ill finally break down and eat with any less dread.
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It makes me angry that I used to cut out pictures of starving models and paste them into a scrapbook, wanting to look like them, when right now I want nothing more than to be able to eat a cup of soup. Not because Im starving- because it tastes good. Without measuring it out. Without digging the can out of the garbage to check the label for calories. Without worrying what the number on the scale will be tomorrow, or even whether I have a scale. If I were okay, I would do just that. After all, this is my third day of fasting. If I were normal, I would reward myself for my willpower. It makes me sick to think that even as recently as a week ago, I would have been okay. I dont think that pro-anorexia sites give people eating disorders. Theyre not contagious. I dont even think that triggers act as anything more than a security blanket to people who already have problems. If I thought that someone reading this forum would catch an eating disorder, then I wouldnt be here. But if there is someone reading this because theyre trying to catch one: You don't want an eating disorder. You don't even want disordered eating, and if you think you have disordered eating, don't join a community to learn to be a "better starver". Talk to a counselor. If you're here, you're probably already on a slipper slope. And I think most of us here will agree: this isn't something you want. Trust me.
Another warning
I didn't realise that i would have got such a response from my previous post!! Thank you to all that commented. I have been thinking about it all day at work today and I really need to get this off my chest. (sorry if it turns out a long post). Its the difference between waking up one morning and DECIDING to take on (or research with a view to take on) Ana/Mia tendancies ... and just HAVING Ana/Mia. Where I'm coming from: I have had ED-NOS for around 20 years - YES! 20 YEARS! (I'm now 28). I don't know when they gave me the label "ED-NOS". Maybe it was when I was 5years old and started school and for 4 whole years at that tender young age the other kids called me "FattyBom-Buster" (Thats still really painful to write down and tell you all.) Maybe it was when I was 8 and I had my first emotional binge, then being so upset, hyperventilating and crying I vomitted. Who knows. I didn't know what it was. (It was 1988 for crying out loud!) It just happened and kept happening. It makes me sad when I read the posts from beautiful young people who are asking HOW to purge/fast. I think we all come across those posts often. When seriously, truthfully, if they just stuck to a healthy diet and exercise programme they would be slim HEALTHY young people. It makes me sad when we see others around us and the celebs that we love (or hate) struggle with EDs and they have a following of young people wanting to be just like them - its almost as if some of us believe that it is fashionable to have an ED ... when those that are so stuck in the painful rutt of them just wish they could be normal - find that balance where we can eat AND be slim.
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It makes me sad because Ana/Mia is far from fashionable / glamourous / trendy / mainstream. In my experience it is painful, heartbreaking, dibilitating, relationship straining, hurtful, UNGLAMOUROUS, suicidal. It kills us. I'm sad to say that i don't know how to live without my ED, it frightens me. Its been here so long and i think i may always be this way. PLEASE, if you're curious, try a healthy eating/exercise plan for at least 3 months first. Don't cheat it. You'll see results and you'll be healthier on the inside and outside for it. Tell someone who cares about you that you're struggling, don't keep it secret, secrets are sneaky and they can take over. I'm saying this because, even though I may not know you, I still care about you - and I would'nt wish my struggles on anyone. If you made it to here: thanks for reading.
Wanarexic?
I was thinking about what being a wanarexic ment, not that I am, but just those people that are you know and I was thinking that if you are desperate enough to starve yourself or restrict calories as it is put in kinder terms shouldn't you be classified, if thats how you want to put it, as an anorexic, not a wanarexic just because you may want to eat where as anorexics see food as vile and never seeing how anyone could possible WANT to eat it? So I guess what I am saying is why is WANAREXIC even a classification? The way I see it is if you are desperate enough to "restrict calories" then you are anorexic. Now I realize that many of you may not view it the same way i do and may label me as a wanarexic because i dont understand why anyone would label anyone as a wanarexic because its so hurtful. If I was called a wanarexic I think I would break down and cry. This is not something you can just say like it doesn't mean anything. Imagine if one of you girls or guys was called a wanarexic how would that make you feel? now I don't mean to go all therapist on you guys but seriously how would that make you feel? what if we are calling people who really do have an ED a wanarexic? I am probably not making any sense at all but I would really like some feed back on what all of you think a wanarexic is because i just think that if someone is desperate enough to not eat to become thinner then they have an ED.
Ignorance
Wow. The ignorance of some people amazes me sometimes. I'm pretty sure that being a member of pro-anorexia is not what determines whether you are an anorexic or not. I'm fairly confident that the majority of us obviously have eating disorders if we want to be a part of the pro-anorexic group in the first place, and it's not because we think "skinny is in" and want to look cute in trendy new fashions for thin people. It's because we have actual diagnosed eating disorders that create pure hell in our lives whether we want them to or not. I wish more than anything in the world that I could just "be normal" and not have to constantly wonder how many calories every move I make is burning and how much every crumb I intake makes me gain. It sucks. Really, it does. But I didn't ask for this eating disorder. It goes much deeper than wanting to be skinny. It's a mental disorder that I wish I could escape from, but I can't. And I'm pretty sure a lot of the people in this community would agree with me. So maybe before we bitch each other out we can get our facts straight and actually serve the purpose of these
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communities and support people who are actually suffering and can't get support from anyone else in their lives.
Untitled
I go through the same thing everyday, it's a constant battle in my head. Always wondering if seeing my ribs half exposed and hips hanging out is really worth everything. Never putting more than a couple calories at a time to my lips, thinking I don't deserve anymore if the scale doesn't show atleast a 1Ib improvment a day and even if it does never touching over 30 calories. Doing my best to live off of sugar water just to avoid food and all of this for what? To drop from 137 to 118? Now what? Do I just loose everyday until I'm nothing? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy...
WHAT AN EATING DISORDER IS

i was just out having a smoke and i'm still wearing these damned leggings and all of a sudden my knees looked sick the way they were positioned, knobbed and gnarled like the rest of my body. nothing was helping my face this morning, i spent all last night drinking hot water with sugar cup after cup to fill my stomach so i could empty it again, throat throbbing, hands reeking of vomit. no energy to do anything except sit here reading these posts and looking at thin people online. BORING. UNPRODUCTIVE. spending hour after hour craving affection of any kind but rejecting it when it comes to me. craving some kind of care, some kind of love, but rejecting it over and over. bones are pushing through my skin but it's not enough. it's not enough. it's not enough. leaving my friends and isolating myself from my family, tearing myself down and telling myself i am a failure, i am worthless, they hate me, they all hate me. nothing fits right nothing feels right nothing will get me through this. a life completely without balance, when all i want, all i need, is a balanced life, a balanced diet, an open heart. you have to ask yourself sometimes is it worth it? if you knew that you were strong enough to overcome this, would you? what is stopping you? sometimes you just have to ask.
Dieting versus ED
What is the difference between extreme dieting and an eating disorder? Do you think that they mesh together at some point? Which category would you place yourself in and why? One reponse: ooooh, good one. i think the difference, generally speaking, between the two is a mental difference more than anything else. i think the eating disordered tend to be more obsessive, more destructive, more distracted, and generally less satisfied with their results, always wanting to lose 'just a bit more.' extreme dieters, not so much - though i do think that extreme dieting can very easily morph into an eating disorder, and there can be a lot of similarities between the two.
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an extreme dieter is willing - though not always eager - to try somewhat extreme things to lose weight, so she will look & feel better. an eating disordered person is driven internally, sometimes even taking immense joy in, trying dangerous things that cause weight loss, but the motive is much more emotional, the connection much more serious. i think she is generally trying more to relieve her own unhappiness, than trying to get approval from others. i also think, 99% of the time, she has a history of self-abuse & depression. like i said, i think 'extreme dieting' may sometimes be a thin veil for an e.d., and an 'extreme dieter' may sometimes be a girl who is slowly moving towards her own issues & will likely eventually recognize that for her, it's not just a diet. i would say i am eating disordered. i would not call myself anorexic, nor bulemic. but what triggered my latest bout with this obsession was not really a dissatisfaction with how much i weighed... it was a dissatisfaction with who i was & what i was doing. i know that deep down; and i know that this is only a temporary fix that will keep me distracted. if i don't confront the issues which drive me towards obsessive and self-destructive behaviors, i will simply cycle from one destruction to the next. alcoholism, drug abuse, e.d., self-abuse, they are all linked for me & they are something that will continue to rear their ugly heads until i am ready to deal with the underlying issues in my life. another view I think the difference is so grey you might as well not make one. A shrink would probably argue that the motivation is different - that someone with an ED hates themselves, and someone who is dieting respects themselves enough to want to improve themselves, but I'm not sure I'd buy that arguement. I tell everyone I live according to the principles of CRON (calorie reduction optimum nutrition) and I get left alone because I'm doing what I do for "health" (i.e. acceptable) reasons. I thought I'd die laughing when I read the side effect warnings on the CRON site: being cold, difficulty sleeping, discomfort sitting due to protruding bones, lanugo, brittle hair and nails, overwhelming cravings. Sound familiar, anyone??? I guess I put myself in "extreme dieting" because I do stop when I'm at my goal weight; it's just that my goal weight is extremely low. And I hate myself when I'm not there. another one That is a tough one to answer. I'd say an extreme dieter is dieting more or less for a cause (ex. to be better at a sport) But I believe the restriction and diets can mesh, so to speak. Maybe just not the mentality. I'd put myself as extreme dieter for the sake of i'm a lousy excuse for an anorexic or bulimic. I don't restrict enough, but I don't eay enough to purge. There was a point however and my minds cucko, so thats the eating disorder half. Good question. Got me thinking.
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Another view hmm, i guess for me, i personally think of "extreme dieting" as tactics and eating disorders as a condition/set of unhealthy attitudes towards food and weight. i think these things because i consider things like compulsive overeating to be very serious disorders as well, and not just "typical" eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. i also do not think that you have to have an e.d. to use "extreme" measures for weight loss, although anyone who is using them in the longterm probably does have some underlying issues. but people try out new weight-loss strategies all the time and there are different reasons for doing so...it could be vanity, or a serious health problem that requires significant, fast weight loss, or an athlete trying to make a certain weight class. it's all complicated, but it's simpler for me to think of techniques for weight loss as a seperate thing than motivations for using them. i consider myself to have "disordered eating" but i don't think i fit into any specific category of e.d. i've gone from not being able to control how much/what i eat, to "extreme dieting" tactics like restricting (and purging, oops), and back around again a few times. my weight has fluctuated by 30-35 pounds in the past 2.5 years. for me it isn't so much that i have a specific disorder as it is that i have an entirely fucked up relationship with food and with my body. so i guess what i'm trying to say is that extreme dieting is just a means to reach a goal, and for a person who is using those tactics/techniques the motivation may or may not be related to an e.d. i hope that made sense <3
Request Repost
I had a request to post about dealing with emotions while eating the way we do... Also about dealing with friends and family, well meaning or not. Here's my best. Stick to your guns. This eating disorder, as many do NOT understand, does not entail just restricting calories and fasting and avoiding food. To use myself for an example: I've had an ED for as long as I can remember. I binge. And binge and binge and binge, until I cannot fit anymore. That was my story as a kid. Then, I decided I HAVE to lose weight. I became bulimic, immediately after going on the pill. The hormones fucked me over, and my emotions were out of control. I got off the pill after 5 months, deciding that I was not deriving enough utility from it to continue. A diaphragm works just as well for me for contraception, and the endometriosis was only being suppressed, not cured. (Fuck western medicine) Then, after realizing how much of a pussy I was for bingeing and purging, and how upset I was all the time, I stopped. I gained a bit, maybe about ten pounds, and then decided the only way to lose weight is to exercise and eat less. So, I do. Back to emotions. My point is, all the decisions we make are based on HOW WE FEEL. Which usually is appropriate. I always go to my heart, not my head. The problem here: Our thoughts are everything. What we think about is what we are. It determines how we feel, look, what we perceive, and what we surround ourselves with.
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A thought has a vibration, a frequency that is measurable. So, in order to get what you want, you have to match your frequency to the thing that you want. This is called the Law of Attraction. It can be applied to anything, and no matter what, IT WORKS. However, it does not discriminate on positive or negative things. For example: I do not want to catch the flu. I want to catch the flu, and I want to catch more things. I don't want to be fat. I want to be fat, and I want to stay fat. I wish my friends/family/bf/gf would stop bothering me about my ED. I wish they would keep bothering me about my ED and about more things. Think about your television. You put in on different channels, you get different shows. Imagine that you are the television. When you tune yourself to a different channel, your 'show,' your life that you lead will change according to the frequency you set. [as explained in the Secret, I feel bad not citing this.] For all of us out there you keep telling ourselves we are fat, well, then, we are. Simple enough. But, when we focus on how thin we are already, even if we are no where near our goals, that feeling will continue and motivate you to keep going, and keep feeling [and looking] thinner. I remember, just as I was coming to the end of my bulimia, I was feeling better and thinking differently. My best friend said to me "You look so much better. You look happier, and thinner, but not thin in a bad way." It felt so good to hear her say that. She knew about the bulimia, and even though I was heavier after I stopped purging, I looked thinner because I was thinking thinner. A simple exercise, while it may seem ridiculous, worked for me. Use the 'Wouldn't it be nice if...' phrasing. "Wouldn't it be nice if my metabolism was higher?" Anyway, your emotions are totally in your control, no one else. It is your choice to get mad if you eat the wrong thing. It is your choice to get mad if someone insults you. It is your choice to get upset if someone hits you. Being a martial artist, I think about this situation: A man assaults a beautiful girl walking home one night. As he comes in for the first hit, she displays no fear. She does NOT stand down. How do you think he would react? More aggressively, of course. However, when the girl does not respond to his anger, he realizes he is not in control of her yet. Unfortunately, this will most like make the aggressor be more avid, and that's where the ability to protect yourself comes in. Understand, that when someone, even a close friend, parent, or a stranger, says something that changes the way you feel or gets a reaction, you are allowing them to control you. If my someone says to me "You are gross and fat." I would probably be very upset. But, I know that I'm not. Despite the way I feel, I know what size I wear and I know that I don't look like Jabba
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the Hut. If I allow myself to feel upset, then they are controlling me by MY CHOICE. Does this make sense? To work with friends and family that are concerned... It is very difficult to say, because everyone is so different. My mother, is unlike most others. The other day, I was jogging on the treadmill. She came over to me and gave me the thumbs up and said "You're doing great!!" She is unaware of my disorder, needless to say. When someone is watching you like a hawk, do the best to please yourself, not them. Don't eat just because you don't want them on your back. They will try and control you and think they can help, while the entire time they are still unable to control their own lives. Many people will project their problems onto others, in order to dissipate their personal responsibility. You have to stick to your guns and do what you need to do to feel like a normal person. My last statement, before this post becomes unbearable. Do what you need to do to feel like a normal person. Restrict your caloric intake. Smoke a cigarette. Reject your food by purging, or by purely not eating. Cut yourself, because it feels better than everything else. Do that line of cocaine. Have that joint. Have a drink. Have twenty drinks! Whatever it takes for YOU to feel like a normal person, you do it. And by God, I did it. I drank, I smoked, I fasted, I binged and purged, I fasted, I smoked, I binged and purged, I fasted, I drank, I binged and purged, I drank, I smoked, I turned myself into a corvette and drove myself up the wall until I crashed. I woke up with my throat bleeding, my legs bloodied, weak and intoxicated from not eating, laying on the cement floor of my basement outside the toilet. And then I realized. This is not a way to live. This is a wayto die. You can run just as fast as you want to but you're stuck with yourself the entire time.
So you want to develop an eating dissorder?

Here's a bit of advice. Stop. Stop it right now. How could you be so stupid, what do you think this is? An easy way to loose weight? Well you're wrong. An easy way to loose weight is through a good diet, and keeping fit. You dont believe me, do you? Well, let me tell you this. It's not easy. First, you'll be so hungry, that your entire body is in agony. Your heart will race, and your throat will burn with the acid in your stomach creeping up, in the hopes you'll put something into it. Then you'll feel dizzy, lightheaded, you'll get tunnel vision, not be able to focus on anything and if you're really lucky, you'll pass out. When you come back round, you'll know you need to eat, you need to, but you cant. You'll stare at that apple and your mouth will fill with saliva, but you wont be able to bring
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yourself to eat it. You'll try to nap. Guess what? You cant sleep. You're so agonisingly tired, but you cannot sleep, no matter what, because all you can think about is food, and exercise, and how much your stomach is grumbling, and how fat you are. I bet you want that bikini body, dont you? Well guess what? You'll be too cold to show it off. Even if it was warm enough, you'll never show it off, you'll be ashamed, you'll still think you're the fattest thing on the beach. You'll cover up, and if you dont you'll spend the entire time being so paranoid that you'll almost put yourself into tears. I bet you want all the guys to like you? Guess what? Any of them that do, you wont believe, because you'll think you're so fat that they'll never be able to love you. They'll run their hands over your body and you'll cringe everytime they hit parts of you you dont like, because all you'll be able to do is wonder what's going through their mind. In the end they'll leave you, because they cant understand why you'd rather spend your evening alone then with them. You wouldnt rather, you just cant go out to that fancy restraunt, because you cant bare to let them see you eat. I bet you want that perfect body? Guess what? you'll never have it. You'll starve, and starve and starve, untill every bone is sticking out. Till you look ill and like a skeleton, but you wont see it, you'll see fat, mountains and mountains of it. Everytime you look in the mirror, you wont see that 90lb girl that you really are, you'll see a 400lb monster, and you'll not be able to get her out of your head. She'll follow you round everyday of your life, untill she ruins it. You say you want to be perfect, but you wont be. You'll be a monster. A monster who's life is ruled by calories and the numbers on the scale. You'll be a liar. You'll lie to everyone about the things you do that you're so ashamed off. You cant tell your mum why she can hear you cry yourself to sleep at night. You dont understand why your friends are saying you're beautiful, because all you can see is fat, they must hate you, they must want you to stay fat, they must be lying. You'll eventually hate going out. I used to love it. Partying was my entire life. Now I spend hours crying before I go out, thinking about how awful I'm going to look against my friends. I wont be the only one thinking that. You'll think it too. You'll take a sip of alcohol and want to die because there's so many calories, but you'll still drink that litre of vodka, why? Because you want to forget. You just want, for one minute to forget how much this hurts, and how hard this is. Then your friends will feed you. In the morning you'll wake up, in tears, knowing that as soon as you step on the scale you'll have gained. Guess what? You have. You've gained an lb. "An lb isnt bad" you say. Oh yes it is. It is now. That 1lb is everything, your entire day gone down the drain. Your hard work means nothing now. You'll hate yourself for a week because of that one measily little lb. Before you know it, you're a skeleton, but you think you're a cow. Your friends and family are telling you to get help, trying to help you out. You think they're trying to keep you fat. You think they're jealous of you, when they're just trying to help. They love you, and they dont want to see you like this, they dont want you to die. You're slowly killing yourself, making your organs give up, destroying your bones. You'll be what? 19/20? but your body will be almost dead. If you still want to do this to yourself, then quite frankly, you need help, or you're already far too into this mess to get yourself out, like me.
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Hey, I just posted this on PA But thought I share it here.

I wish I was strong enough to reach my goal I wish I was strong enough to ask for help I thank the person who listens to me and tries really hard, when I know they dont really understand why I do this. I wish for a time when I was happy. I want to remember a time when my journal wasnt filled with calories and dreams of being thin. I want to remember who I am Not who I became. It hurts me to think what I am doing to those around me. I wish I was taken seriously. Sometimes I dont think I deserve to be happy. I will always be sad. Because I will always be FAT. I wish one day I could wake up and feel truly alive. Id like to pursue goals other then being thin. I hate to let people in because I am terrified they will hurt me. Im scared this will kill me. I dont tell my friends or family my feelings I fear their judgement I hate people constantly ask if Im OK. I wish for one day I could be someone else. I never knew losing control would scare me so much I fear not being good enough I wish I was remarkable.
Outside view of ana?

Now if you want a figure just like Nikki's,all you need to do is eat..nothing.And when you have chowed down on your big bowl of nothing,ideally washed down with mineral water(tap water has impurities!Impurities make you fat!,make sure you puke up the lot.Give that a year or two and,tah dah!skinny thighs Nikki has been hospitalised at least once by her eating disorder and once weighed less than five stone. It is obviously a pretty dumb thing to do,heaping praise upon the figure of a woman known to have been seriously ill with an eating disorder,but you can see how it happened.We are bombarded by pictures of gorgeous and apparently healthy celebrities with legs and bottoms just like Nikki's.You may look at Nikki and think,wow,is she skinny.But the kind of skinny she models on television every day is rapidly becoming the celebrity standard-and that ends up messing with everyone's heads Yesterday came the news that Victoria Beckham,Wag empress,is now a"thinspiration"for the women who hang out on"pro-ana"sites(ana being an affectionate nickname anorexics have for anorexia).Although there is no clinical evidence that she has actually had any official eating disorder,one recent pro-ana posting,quoted in the papers yesterday,said:"I envy[Beckham]thin legs and chest.She has beautiful bones sticking out of her chest. The pro-ana sites are disturbed, and disturbing; they are a monument to a truly awful set of diseases. In pro-ana world, eating disorders are a lifestyle choice and it's all about bones, lovely bones ... pictures of your classic stick-insect celebrities are mixed up with pictures of unfamous, obviously ill, women. It's immediately obvious why Posh's figure might appeal to them. The real problem, though, isn't that pro-ana women think Posh looks like "a major hottie!" ("I love her arms! If I could look like her, I would never have a problem with anything!) or that a journalist gushes about Nikki's thighs, but that, somehow, all the rest of us supposedly non-ill women have become almost blind to how thin Posh et al really are. Sure we all know that Posh used to be significantly more curvaceous in her Spice days - that she wasn't born to be a skinnifer, as some models and even real people seem to be. We know that, by her own account, she "came close" to have an eating disorder and that her husband once talked publicly about her needing to put on a few pounds. Somehow, despite all the hype about too-thin celebrities, hyper-thin has become the new nice and slim, and women like Posh and Nikki simply don't stand out all that much. I guess the drip,
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drip effect of a thousand images of Kate Moss's inch-wide legs and Sienna Miller's bony back, and Nicole-Paris Ritchie-Hilton's pipecleaner arms, has finally done its work. I guess I will go to hell for saying that I think Posh should put on about two stone, minimum, because it is nasty and unsisterly to be negative about someone's figure. But this isn't just about Posh's health and happiness or that of any of the other hyper-thin celebs. These women, and their figures, have become an ideal, something to aspire to, for millions and millions of women - and even if you don't actually want to be as thin as Posh, even if you think she is far too thin, the reality is that she has shifted the goalposts for every single one of us. If we are going to keep on putting pictures of these women in every paper and magazine, while they are so desperately underweight, we have got to remember to put big health warning stickers on them. You know - "Warning! This photo may seriously, but in a perniciously subtle way, screw with the inside of your head!" Yesterday Dr Dee Dawson of the Rhodes Farm clinic in London, which specialises in eating disorders, said in one paper: "Victoria Beckham is usually the celebrity most people that I see want to look like. She is horribly thin - you can see all her ribs - and she is not normal."
My account
I want to make very clear that this is my account with anorexia and this is how I've observed it through many others. Not one person is the same and I am not making suggestions, just merely presenting an idea. So without further ado Anorexia is about starving for attention. Honestly this is not a way to live. It is a way to die. And "we" know this. To many this disorder isn't simply about losing weight it's become an outlet, or structure that one is incapable of letting go of. It is a slow sick suicide that eventually everyone realizes is happening , even strangers. "We" could have chosen to cut ourselves and hide it behind sleeves, or we could have chosen to pop pills in an alleyway away from human existence. But instead "we" parade "our" pain outwardly on "our" bodies. As "we" slowly wither away into nothing, the slow suicide of "our"organs shutting down, "we" gather the attention of many. These people beg "us" to eat and even sometimes put us thru inpatient. If "we" are 18 "we" check ourselves out and possibly continue to kill ourselves. What can they do but standby and watch. People do notice that "we" are killing ourselves. How can this not be an attention disorder. <Rhetorical. I dunno my own thoughts. Crossed my mind on the way to dance, had me in tears. *a response* For some that could be true, imho. But i wouldn't say it's true for all anas or all eds. Sure, you can find people who are ana in part because they want people to care about them, love them, notice them. But for others, eds are a need to compete, to fit in, to reach career goals. As a dancer you should recognize this pattern. A Russian ballerina was in danger of losing her job, because she was too fat. 109 lbs. Fliers for cheerleading squads have to be tiny to be tossed into the air.
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Models have to be thin because the industry expects that at the moment. In the 80's, a model could be size 4 or 6 and be successful. I think that'd qualify as a plus-size model now! And some just want to be popular. Fat girls (and boys) are treated like garbage. Thin equals the chance to be popular, have friends, have a social life. Loneliness can be a powerful motivator.
A common public misconception

In this article http://mamavision.com/2007/08/12/its-not-a-crime-to-desire-to-be-thin/, mamaVision attacks pro-ana support communities, because they tend to be highly arrogant, and this is hard to accept at times and pretends to support free speech and the right of the communities to exist, while in the same breath describing them as underground communities or death forums and thoughtfully providing links for petitions to shut them down. One typical reader response: Youre missing the point. Eating disorders are mental illnesses, defined by the same medical manuals that define everything else (DSM IV). Pro-ana communities are peer support organizations to help each other stay alive until theyre ready for recovery. If you isolate and abandon them (like so many others have), then you are only feeding their depression. Now theres compassion.
Image of ED
It annoys me how people automatically have this 'image' of the eating disordered person. She's slow-witted, overly concerned with what everyone's wearing, fashion, whatever. She can't think, she has no hobbies, she has no skills. She's a cheerleader. And they assume only girls experience it. It's bloody annoying. We may be blindsided by obsession, but we aren't morons. Be you anorexic, ed-nos, bulimic.. there's a lot more to you than a single thing, though sometimes you wonder yourself. We don't sit there like zombies when we try not to eat. We're doing something. And that something is part of whoever you are, even if it's acting as a 'mere' distraction from the next meal. This probably makes no sense. (I've had my 300 calories today via brandy. You can probably tell!)
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PA Resource List

by A. Little Bird March 22, 2008

This file is located at: http://users.snip.net/%7Egbooker/resource-list.pdf

The SECRET code

Part One - Resources

Calorie needs calculator and calorie tracking

Calories burned doing stuff

Weight Loss Competition

Body Mass Index (BMI)

BMI for People under Age 20

Another Set of BMI rules

20.7 27.8 19.1 27.3

WOMEN (based on NHANES BMI values) Height

MEN (based on NHANES BMI values) Height

Why and How to do an lj cut

Why and How to hide triggering text

How to add images

How to Show an LJ Username

How to make little hearts

How to make an ana bracelet

Part Two - Food

Food Excuses or Strategies

Low or Negative Calorie Foods

Foods that are supposed to BOOST your metabolism:

5 Ways to Break a Weightloss Plateau

2468 diet example

The ABC Diet

The _vanity diet

General Motors diet

The Master Cleanse Diet

The Milk Diet

Caloric Restriction with Optimal Nutrition (CRON)

Size Zero Diet

The Ultimate Fast

Five snack diet

How to Lose 20 Pounds in a Month

Weekly diet plan

'Skinny Bitch' diet plan (excerpt)

Food and Recipe Links

Veggie Soup Recipe

beef stock 1/4 = 2 cals 1.5 pints water = 0 cals

Veggie Soup #4?

Egg White Omelette with Ham *&&* Spring Onions

YUMMY AND FILLING = 60 cals

THE 37 CALORIE FILLER :D

Ham and Eggs

Part Three - Thinspo

89 Reasons Why You Must Not Eat Today

RESTAURANT TIPS, AND HOW TO AVOID THE MEALS!

Excuses for not eating with your bf

Cool Latin Phrases

Important Questions to ask yourself

Hiding Weight Loss Tips

Tips for Fighting Hunger

Calorie Restriction Tips

Ana-friendly Movies & TV Shows

You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

Part Four - Quotes

Part Five - Poetry and Lyrics

a poem for ana (shes a bitch aint she?)

Sell Your Soul for Complete Control

The Game you Never Thought I'd Play.

Egg White Omelette with Ham && Spring Onions