Business Etiquette Essentials

Business Etiquette Essentials
ETIQUETTE ESSENTIALS
Whats the point of learning traditional rules of etiquette and decorum in todays high-speed, high-tech world of business? Do you really need to spend time thinking about how to shake hands, what fork to use at dinner, and other soft skills? The answer is definitely YES, if you care about presenting a professional image, building successful business relationships, earning the respect of your colleagues and clients, and effectively representing your organization in a variety of settings. People who are successful and effective in their careers develop not only an expertise in their field, but an overall polish in appearance and behavior. They know how to greet others and make introductions, converse on many subjects, dine with dignity and treat people of all levels with respect. Observe someone in your organization whom you respect and view as successful. Notice how the person can move effortlessly from the conference table to the dining table, handle a variety of challenges without self consciousness, and put colleagues and friends at ease. By learning and practicing etiquette skills, you can develop a demeanor that will increase your level of comfort in social and business settings. Your polish and self confidence will help you to building business relationships and accomplish your goals more quickly. The rules of etiquette can be compared to a common language that all successful people must learn to speak. By reviewing the material contained in this workbook and other etiquette information resources, keeping them handy and referring to them often, soon you will be fluent in etiquette and will become a respected and effective representative of your organization. People have choices in the business arena, and they choose to do business with people they like and respect. Id like to start a campaign to return good manners to business. Exhibiting good manners does not make a person appear to be weak or wimpy. Rather, it demonstrates that persons maturity and ability to appropriately respond to business situations. Who would you rather have working for youthe sales rep whom customers look forward to dealing with or the bulldozer wholl stop at nothing to get the order? Bad manners are bad business. Harvey Mackay, author Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive
The Etiquette Advocate

www.etiquetteadvocate.com
PREPARE FOR SUCCESS

In todays fiercely competitive world, etiquette intelligence is an important tool to add to your arsenal and will help you to stand out from the crowd. Etiquette skills can help you to project confidence and a professional image as you build relationships, and they will help to demonstrate your respect for others. Think of yourself as a salesman for a product that you want to promote. The product is YOU. Are you ready for the marketplace? Many services and products available today are often so similar that buyers look for differences in quality. Take stock of your personal inventory image, cooperation, trust, courtesy and perception of reliability. Does your inventory measure up to your consumers expectations and will it help you to achieve your goals? While etiquette intelligence alone will not insure success in your personal and professional life, it will give you an edge over others.
APPEARANCE AND BODY LANGUAGE

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success. Christopher Lasch
Your overall image is more than the clothes on your back and the shoes on your feet. Appearance and body language are critical factors in how you are perceived by others. You must pay attention to the packaging of your product YOU and you must sell it with enthusiasm or your lack of enthusiasm will be contagious. Consider these statistics when planning how you will look and dress for your next important business meeting or gathering:
People form an impression of you in the first 5 seconds when you meet. 55% of the message you send is from the way you look. 38% of the message you send is from the way you speak your grammar, tone, confidence, body language. 7% of your overall impression is from the actual content of your message--the words you speak.

ATTIRE The very old expression, Clothes make the man, is partially true because people form their first impression of others based on appearance. But you do not have to spend the better part of your salary on clothes in order to be dressed appropriately for an occasion. You need only to be savvy and observant to dress in good taste for whatever gathering you attend. Learn something about the environment youre going into, look for clues from others, and ask questions when in doubt. Deciphering the Dress Code: Our careers take us into many different environments. When we are required to move into unfamiliar territory, one way to fit in more quickly and project the image that we intend to is by choosing appropriate attire. Dress codes vary among industries, offices, cultures, job sites and business occasions, and a one-size-fits-all philosophy is a formula for failure. When preparing for any new and different occasion--meeting, gathering, or business related special event--do some research and analysis to learn something about the target environment, industry, and participants before going to your closet or to the mall. When in doubt on how to dress for an important occasion: Call the host or coordinator and inquire Call another guest invited to the same event, or Dress one level ABOVE what you think will be appropriate. Dress Code Lexicon The following are terms of dress that are often shared verbally or are printed on itineraries and invitations: White Tie Full evening dress. Women wear long, dressy gowns, and men wear a black tailcoat and white pique bow tie or equivalent military uniform. Diplomats wear decorations. Black Tie Only after 6 p.m.! Women wear short or long evening dresses or very dressy separates, and men wear a black dinner jacket and black pants (or white dinner jacket, in some environments). Military personnel wear an equivalent dress uniform. (Beware of Black Tie Optional; its a guaranteed disaster. Men who dress in Black Tie feel overdressed, and those who dont feel like party crashers.) Informal The traditional/historic interpretation of Informal was one step below Black Tie.--in other words, quite dressy. Women wore a very dressy afternoon dress or a short cocktail dress or dinner suit. Men wore a suit and tie, never a sport coat. Today it is misleading to use the term informal because of its many interpretations. The Etiquette Advocate
Business Attire When you see or hear this term, it usually means business suit and tie for men; dress, suit or pantsuit for women. Business Casual Skirt and jacket or pant suit for women; sport coat with collared shirt (polo or dress shirt) without tie for men. Interpretation of this term varies between industries. Dressy Casual Follow guidelines for Business Casual. Resort Casual Attire suitable for patio parties, luaus, pool-side parties. When in the context of a business conference/convention, clothes are more dressy than typical backyard attire. Casual Many industries have an extremely relaxed dress code, and Business Casual or Casual to one firm or community may not mean the same to another. Always check with your host and when in doubt, dress one level above what you think will be appropriate in order to look professional. It is always better to be slightly overdressed than slightly underdressed. No Dress Stated If event is held immediately after working hours, business attire is appropriate, or the text of invitation, the occasion for the event or the time of the event will dictate attire. All of these elements of your appearance, body language and attire contribute to the overall impression that you make in those critical FIRST 5 SECONDS. BODY LANGUAGE Experts on the subject tell us that 50-60% of communication is through body language. Most of us are unaware that our body language conveys a wide range of emotions and subliminal messages: confidence, insecurity, anger, annoyance, resistance, mistrust, dominance, willingness to negotiate, interest, comfort or distress, to name a few. It is critical to think about our posture, hand gestures, eye movement, facial expression, placement of arms and feet, and proximity when we are building relationships and trying to deliver our message to others. Positive Messages Smile (confidence; approachable; friendly; caring; empathetic; non-threatening, ready for discussion or negotiation) Open posture (arms at your side; facing others directly/shoulders lined up with others when in conversation) Standing up straight (confidence; reliability; interest; respect) Eye contact (research the norms in various cultures; North America: 60-70% eye contact when in conversation)

Head tilt (interest; consideration) Sitting up straight with feet flat on the floor (respect; interest) Mirroring body language when in conversation (must be subtle) Proximity/distance between speakers (be aware of cultural differences--standing arms distance apart from others when in conversation is comfortable for North Americans; too close for Asians; too great a distance for Latin Americans or Middle Easterners)
Negative Messages Arms crossed over chest (defensive; uncertain; inflexible/mind made up) Hands on hips (aggression; anger; dominance) Hands in pockets (disinterest; distraction; withdrawn) Legs crossed over knee with foot swinging (boredom; disinterest; lack of respect) Showing sole of shoe (offensive in many cultures) Insufficient eye contact (shyness; disinterest; something to hide) Pointing with index finger (offensive in many cultures) Leaning away when in conversation with others (distrust; disinterest; distraction; personal space has been compromised) Too relaxed a posture in important settings or occasions (lack of interest; lack of respect) Hand gestures that often do not translate, causing offense or misunderstandings (OK; #1; V for victory; thumbs up)
Mixed Messages - Proceed with Caution Touching hand or arm of others when in conversation (can indicate friendship or a desire to build a relationship, but can repel others when too done early in a new relationship; inappropriate in many cultures) Touching eyes, nose, mouth (consider to be vulgar an unclean in many cultures and by germophobes) Gesturing or touching with left hand (left hand is considered unclean in many cultures) Pointing with index finger (offensive in many cultures)
PEOPLE SKILLS
Business journals, MBA textbooks, industry experts and numerous other sources tell us that 85% of our success in whatever field we choose to work in will be based on our people skills. Some people are naturally confident, comfortable and effective when interacting with others and some seem to struggle with relationships and, as a result, do not achieve their personal and professional goals. People skills can be developed,

polished and improved just as any other professional skill, and its worth the time to analyze yours to see if they are adding or subtracting from your success. Improve your people skills by: Smiling and making eye contact Meeting and greeting people often Shaking hands and saying your name often Learning to make introductions Using and remembering names Becoming an active listener and a good conversationalist Learning to connect and establish rapport with others Finding opportunities to help others Making others feel comfortable and respected. Following up on offers to help or provide information HANDSHAKE Your handshake reveals a great deal about you, including: Your self confidence Your motivation Traits about your personality Your feelings for those you meet Your attitude about the gathering you are attending.
A firm and confident handshake demonstrates that you are professional, energetic, in control of a situation, and that you are eager to meet new people. A limp fish or bone crusher handshake will not impress others. WORTH REMEMBERING Shaking Hands: All of the following rules apply to men and women. Women need to become comfortable with shaking hands in social and business settings and with initiating a handshake when male counterparts hesitate. Make and maintain eye contact during a handshake as appropriate to the setting and culture. It is not necessary for a man to wait for a woman to initiate a handshake. Always stand for a handshake in business (men and women) and face partner squarely when shaking hands (Open Posture). Dont shake hands across a table or desk. Move to the side or front of the table or desk. Physical barriers can translate to psychological barriers. Extend your hand parallel to the floor with thumb pointed up. Wrap your fingers around your partners entire hand (not just fingertips). No squeezing and no limp fish handshakes.

Shake from the elbow, not the wrist. Pump hands firmly 2-3 times, no more. Dont place your left hand on top or to the side of the handshake or grab your partners upper right arm. If partner does this, dont reciprocate. Hold a beverage, briefcase, or handbag in your left hand so that you are ready at all times to shake hands. Dont wipe a hand on skirt or trousers before or after shaking hands if anyone will see the gesture. Shake hands when saying good-bye. Dont comment on or call attention to a bad handshake. When preparing to greet foreign clients or visitors, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. There are many cultures in which shaking hands is NOT appropriate. If you have clammy hands or sweaty palms, consider using an antiperspirant on your hand before an important interview or event you will attend, or apply it to your hand on a regular basis. Avoid putting lotion on your hands immediately before shaking hands.
HUGS AND KISSES It is not appropriate to hug or to kiss someone when meeting for the first time in a North American business environment. When doing so, you are pretending that you immediately share a close relationship. This can make others uncomfortable immediately, and you will work for a very long time to overcome the negative reaction created by the gesture. On subsequent meetings, it is normally the woman who decides if a handshake turns into a hug or kiss on the cheek. When meeting international colleagues and clients for the first time, you may receive a hug or even one, two or three kisses on the cheek. It is a good idea to research international protocol customs and courtesies so that you are not surprised, uncomfortable or rigid when these greetings are extended. INTRODUCTIONS Making correct introductions is not rocket science, nor is it the easiest thing you will ever be asked to do. With practice, however, you will become comfortable with the task and will accomplish it with ease and very little stress. Why bother to learn and practice this skill? Because. Knowing how to make a correct introduction will give you an edge. MOST PEOPLE DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT. Introducing yourself is how you make yourself known to and remembered by others. Your introduction has two purposes: to tell people who you are and to give them a pleasant experience when first meeting you. Always make eye contact and smile. The Etiquette Advocate
When should you introduce yourself? When attending a business or social gathering When the person introducing you does not remember your name When joining a group already in conversation and no one introduces you When you recognize someone and he/she does not recognize you When seated next to someone at a conference table or dining table When going through a receiving line Never use an honorific for yourself (Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms., Dr.): Correct: Hello, Im Jane Foster. Incorrect: Hello, Im Miss Foster.
Introducing others will take a little more practice, but the results are well worth the effort required to learn the basics. You will show others that you are confident and professional. INTRODUCTIONS 101 Always say the name of the highest ranking, most important person (MIP) first, regardless of gender: Ms. Greater Authority, I would like to introduce Mr. Lesser Authority (to you). Mr. Chairman of the Board, may I present Mr. Vice President. Mr. Supervisor, I would like you to meet my fiance, Joanna Davis. Introductions between individuals within the same organization follow the hierarchy of the organization, and the senior individuals name is spoken first: Ms. Office Director, I would like you to meet Mr. New Hire, our new office assistant. Mr. CEO, may I present Ms. Vice President for Sales. She has just joined us from our Dallas office. In a business situation, the client or guest visiting the company is the MIP no matter the rank of the company representative you are introducing: Ms. Client, may I introduce Mr. Boss, the president of our company. Mr. Boss, Ms. Client is the East Coast representative of Dell Computers. A non-official person is introduced TO an official person (MIP): Mr. Mayor, may I introduce Ms. Collins, one of our citys leading business owners. Dr. Church Minister, may I present Mrs. Franklin, a new member of the altar guild. The Etiquette Advocate
If you dont know which person outranks the other or if you think both parties are of equal importance, you must choose which to honor by mentioning his/her name first. Possible choices for MIP: - Newcomer or person you know least - Older person - Woman (traditionally the MIP in social settings) WORTH REMEMBERING Introductions: Make and maintain eye contact as appropriate to the setting and culture. Speak slowly and clearly. Stand for an introduction (in order to be equal). When possible, provide some information about each person you introduce if their identity is not clear to the other party. This will help to facilitate conversation. Repeat the name of the person to whom you are introduced. (It will help you to remember the name.) Politely correct your name or title if it is given incorrectly in an introduction. Dont skip an introduction if you have forgotten someones name. Make an attempt and hope that someone will help you. Youll make points for trying. Refrain from making unnecessary hand or arm gestures. Make eye contact and shake hands when introduced. If you use an honorific for one party, use for both --Mr., Mrs., Dr., Miss, Ms.--Be consistent. Dont use a persons first name until you are invited to do so. Dont use an honorific (Mr., Mrs., Dr.) when introducing your spouse. Say, instead, This is George (with last name, if different from your own), my husband. Dont play introduction ping pong. Avoid: Mr. Jones, I would like you to meet Ms. Smith; Ms. Smith, this is Mr. Jones. Try to say each partys name only once. Make quick, informal introductions when a newcomer joins your group conversation and mention the topic you have been discussing.

GENDER-NEUTRAL COURTESY
Courtesy and kindness are gender-free. People respect people in every walk of life, and courtesy is on duty everywhere and at all times. These general guidelines may help you to raise your Courtesy IQ: Assisting with a Coat Everyone helps a person who is struggling with a coat or wrap. Paying for a Meal The host pays for the meal, regardless of gender. Standing In business, both men and women stand when a superior enters a meeting room, when greeting a client or colleague at a conference or dining table, and when meeting new people. Helping With a Chair In a business setting, it is not necessary for a man to assist a woman with her chair. However, when a participant of either gender is elderly, incapacitated or needs help in any way, a man or a woman should step in to assist. Assisting with materials/luggage Both men and women should offer to help a colleague, client or anyone who is carrying packages, luggage or meeting materials. Historic Courtesies That Many Men Continue to Observe: Women continue to work to achieve and maintain equal status with men in all walks of life, but in spite of the feminist revolution many men continue to extend certain traditional courtesies to the women in their personal and professional lives. Women should accept these courtesies graciously, without feeling slighted or offended, and they should be equally courteous to all people in their public or private lives. Dont offend or embarrass a male business colleague or client by refusing certain courtesies, although the following examples should be reserved for social situations: Historic Courtesies: Men allow women to precede them when walking in a narrow area or going through a door. Men walk on the street or curb side of a sidewalk when accompanying a woman. A man may offer his arm to a woman for support when walking on uneven ground, steps or other hazardous areas, but he should not grasp her elbow or arm to steer her in a particular direction. A man always opens a door for a woman. Men enter a revolving door first when it is not moving. Men enter a taxi before a woman.

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NETWORKING ETIQUETTE TIPS

Many articles and speakers tell us that networking is the necessary evil of expanding our contacts base in order to promote ourselves and our companies. But why look at it as a painful procedure? Networking is communicating, which we do every day, so we already possess the skills required to succeed. If you want to become more comfortable and proficient when networking, adopt some of the following strategies that networking experts share in their lectures and literature the next time you attend an event or gathering. BEFORE When you receive an invitation to an event, respond! Its rude not to do so. Have a reason to attend an event. If you attend because you are a member, want to hear a speaker, support a cause, are seeking more information about an industry, or have an interest in the venue, youll be more comfortable and engaged. Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about the event, host, speakers or honorees, other attendees, the occasion, etc. Identify your goals for the event (i.e., meet 10 new people, learn more about the host organization, improve your conversation skills.) Your primary goal should not be to distribute your business card. If you suspect that you will be uncomfortable, plan to arrive at beginning of an event. It is easier to wade into a small group of attendees than to dive into a sea of people. Prepare your speech in two parts: a short, pithy statement of about you, your interests, your job-hunt goal, or your company, etc., and follow-up information that you will share when someone shows interest in hearing more.
DURING Remember that your #1 goal is to connect, not to sell. Turn off your cell phone. If you attend with a colleague, split up. Youll meet more people. Practice active listening and appropriate eye contact. Listen more than you speak. Ask open-ended questions. Wear a name badge if they are provided. Use and remember names. Dont spend too much time with one individual. Food and beverage are not your primary focus. Use polite exit strategies to leave a conversation (i.e., refresh your drink, make a call, locate a colleague, consult with an individual from a particular organization.) Distribute business cards after connecting with individuals and only if there is a reason to share your contact information. Thank the host before you leave, if possible.

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AFTER Make notes about contacts you have made. Review your networking performance. How can you improve? Follow Up. If you have offered to share something with someone (i.e., information, a telephone number, a link to a web site, an introduction, your contact information) or you have offered to get in touch later, do so. One of the most important networking goals is to build your reputation as a responsible and caring individual. Send a handwritten thank-you note to you host, if appropriate. This wont be necessary for every event you attend, but it is a way to cement a connection.
BUSINESS HOSPITALITY
On many occasions, your professional responsibilities will take you out of an office or away from a job site and you will be faced with the challenge of conducting business in a social environment. Regardless of your role as host or guest on these occasions, you will be more confident, comfortable and successful in building business relationships if your manners measure up. Your goal is to recognize and respect social conventions, demonstrate polished manners and make others feel comfortable when they spend time with you. HOST RESPONSIBILITIES A host must take charge of the occasion to which he/she has invited guests, in order to make them feel welcome and comfortable. When you serve as host for a gathering, you must be organized and definitive about the agenda and all arrangements, so that everything runs smoothly and no one is guessing about what to do or where to sit. WORTH REMEMBERING Hosts Responsibilities Place the call yourself when you invite a friend, colleague or client to dine with you. Dont schedule through third parties. Confirm with guest the day before your meeting and provide the address and directions to restaurant or meeting site. If you entertain often, work with a facility where you know you can count on the food, service and a comfortable environment. Ask guests about dietary restrictions/preferences when extending an invitation. Visit a dining site ahead of time and select an appropriate table and reserve it. Arrive early, before your guest. Dont order a drink or remove your napkin before your guest arrives. Place your guest to your right at the best seat at the table, facing the center or the room or the view and away from distractions. This is a better arrangement than sitting across from one another.

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Do not begin to talk serious issues or business immediately; begin with small talk about the guests interests. When entertaining a group, make certain to greet each guest individually and insure that everyone feels included in introductions and conversation. Give your guest cues about which foods/beverages and what quantities/courses you will be ordering. Be the first to place your napkin in your lap and drink or eat; your guest will be watching you for cues. Arrange in advance to pay bill away from table or to make certain that bill will be presented to you. When entertaining in your home, make certain that it will be easy for guests to park and get into your home. Consider the needs of guests who have physical disabilities, and be considerate of neighbors who may be affected.
GUEST RESPONSIBILITIES You will be invited to a social or business dining event for one or more of the following reasons, not because your host thinks you are hungry or thirsty: To express thanks for your friendship or business As a friendly gesture in order to become better acquainted The host thinks you have something to contribute
It is your responsibility to be an appreciative and cooperative guest. Do your homework before attending a business gathering by learning something about our host, the group or organization he/she represents, other guests who will attend, the location of the gathering and the occasion and agenda. WORTH REMEMBERING Guest Responsibilities Respond to every invitation (yes or no) and respond quickly. Dont leave your host guessing. Arrive on time, but not extremely early. Greet your host first, but dont monopolize his/her time when there are other guests present. Introduce yourself to others/dont wait for others to do this for you. Mingle with and speak to all guests. Dont spend all your time talking to people you know. Meet as many new people as possible. Dont order the most expensive item on the menu. Take cues from your host. Dont order alcohol at a luncheon or dinner that is part of a job interview. On other business occasions when alcohol is served, order wine and avoid hard liquor. Always offer to pay for your share of a meal (and be prepared to pay), even when you think that your host will be paying.

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Send a hand-written thank you note to your host within 48 hours while details are fresh in your memory. Email and telephone messages may be acceptable to many, but they put you in the ordinary category.
ATTENDING A FUNCTION IN A PRIVATE HOME There may be occasions when you are invited to a business colleagues or superiors home for a meal. Be a gracious guest by following these guidelines: Respond to an invitation (yes or no) as quickly as possible. When accepting an invitation, politely tell your host if you are a vegetarian or have dietary restrictions due to religion or health. You would never mention food preferences. Arrive on time, not early. Bring a small gift to the host or hostess such as flowers in a vase, a gourmet treat or a bottle of wine (to be consumed at a later date). Do your homework or ask for advice to insure that your gift is appropriate for your host and for the occasion. Dont sit down until invited to do so. Your host may have a seating plan in mind. Taste all dishes that are served unless you have religious or health restrictions. After using the powder room, leave it clean. Dont enter a room that is not part of the function. Dont overstay your welcome. Watch for cues from your host and other guests to determine when it is time to leave. As you leave, shake hands and thank your host/hostess for inviting you. In a large gathering, you may have to find your host in the crowd. Dont leave without doing so. Shake hands with guests near the door as you leave, and make a special effort to shake hands with a guest of honor and with people you have met for the first time. Send a hand-written thank you note to your host within 48 hours of your visit.
PLEASE BE SEATED
You will dine with distinction, confidence and very little stress once you have mastered some basic rules of table etiquette. These rules should be on exhibit at every meal, in every setting and with every companion. If you use these skills regularly, you will never be uncertain or uncomfortable on a special occasion. When it is time to take your seat at a dining table, remember these simple rules of etiquette: A guest of honor is seated to the hosts right at the best (most comfortable) seat at the table. Stand behind your chair and get others at your table before sitting down.

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In social (not business) settings, a man should assist a woman seated to his right with her chair (and a woman to his left if no one is assisting her.) Enter a chair from its right side (your left side enters the chair first). Introduce yourself and speak with guests on your right and left. On social occasions, women may remain seated and men should stand when an acquaintance joins the group. Men to the right and left of a woman should stand when she leaves a dining table in social settings only. This is not required in business situations. Dont place a cell phone on a dining table. It should remain in your pocket, handbag or briefcase. If it rings during the meal, apologize without checking the display and turn it off. Dont place personal belongings on a dining table (handbag, medication container). Dont re-arrange place cards on a table to suit your personal preference. Help others at your table who may need assistance. Sit up straight at the table and rest only wrists--not arms or elbows--on the table. Cut one piece of food at a time, eat it, then cut another. Take small bites of food and chew with your mouth closed. Wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before taking a sip of a beverage. Remove an object such as a bone or gristle from your mouth with your thumb and index finger and place it on the rim of your plate, not into your napkin or under your plate. Dont try to remove food from your teeth at the table. If something is caught in your teeth, excuse yourself and take care of the problem away from the table. Dont overload your plate or utensil. Dont speak with food in your mouth. Dont spread your elbows when cutting your food. Keep them close to your sides. Dont cut meat in a back-and-forth, sawing motion. Stroke your knife toward you. Dont reach across the table or across another person to get something out of reach. Ask the person who is close to the item to pass it to you. If you must cough or sneeze while at table, turn away from the table and cough into your shoulder or elbow. You should excuse yourself from the table for a prolonged coughing spell or to blow your nose.
DINING DYNAMICS
Your dining skills will become increasingly important as you enter new social and business arenas. You may be invited to dine with the parents of your significant other, a job interviewer or with colleagues and clients. On these occasions, your dining companions may be evaluating your potential. Remember that your primary focus in these situations is not on food, but rather on presenting yourself with confidence and accomplishing the goals of the gathering. You are dining to build relationships. Dont let poor dining skills sabotage the outcome of the experience. The Etiquette Advocate
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WORTH REMEMBERING General Dining: Slow down and take time to look at the dining room, the table, your place setting, and what your host and others are doing and how they are behaving. In most instances, it is polite to wait for your host or hostess to unfold the napkin, sip a beverage, or take a bite before you begin. This may not always be the case in a business environment. Use your judgment. As a guest, you may be asked to order first. Ask others at the table what they recommend to help you determine which courses you should order. You may always order less food than others in group, but you should try not to order more. In stressful dining situations, order foods that you know how to eat. When dining in an ethnic restaurant whose cuisine you do not know, dont be uncomfortable with asking others for advice on what to order. Eat and drink in moderation. In most cultures, no one is offended if you leave food on your plate, but you are offensive if you overeat or drink too much. Dont feel pressured to drink alcohol or to eat anything that because of your religion, health or habit you choose not to eat. However, in order not to offend your host, you should taste dishes that have been prepared especially for the occasion if they do not conflict with your religion or health concerns. Dont offer your food to others or ask to sample a companions food when dining with someone for the first time. Dont take leftovers away from a lunch or dinner unless dining with close friends or family. Dont take a centerpiece or other table decorations as you leave unless they are offered by your host.

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PLACE SETTINGS
The letters BMW will help you to remember the correct placement of dishes and glassware in your place setting. Just as you read these letters on paper from left to right, mentally superimpose them left to right over your place setting as a basic map of your dining territory: on the left is for Bread plate
in the Middle for Main course
on the right is for Water and Wine

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Napkin Take your napkin from the table and place it in your lap when you host has done so. If no host, place your napkin in your lap soon after you are seated. Take the napkin from the table and unfold it below the table edge and place it in your lap. If it is large, leave it folded in half with the fold facing your waist. Use your napkin to blot your mouth, not to wipe your mouth or face. Place the napkin on your chair if you leave the table for a short period, not on the table. If you drop your napkin, dont pick it up from the floor. Ask the server for another. Never place food that you have removed from your mouth into your napkin. Dont touch your nose with your napkin. Place your napkin to the left side of your plate at the end of your meal. Dont refold it completely.
Service Plate The service plate is normally in the center of your place setting when you are seated. It is not the plate that your food will be served on. It may hold your napkin, a program for the event, a menu card or a place card. Place the napkin in your lap, the menu card or program to one side and the place card above your plate. The waiter will either place the first course onto this service plate or will remove it before serving the first course. Utensils As a rule, utensils are arranged on the table in the order in which you will use them, moving from the outside in toward the service plate. Forks are placed to the left of the plate and knives and spoons to the right. If you see a fork and spoon placed above your plate, they are to be used for dessert. You may receive additional pieces of silverware as various courses are served. In most restaurants today, a minimum number of utensils will be on the table when you sit down, and other pieces will arrive with specific dishes that you order. To decide which utensil to use for each course, study your place setting and use pieces on the outside first and move in toward your plate. You may also follow the lead of your host or table companions. Take your time and watch others when you are uncertain. WORTH REMEMBERING - Utensils: Utensils that have been used should not placed on the table or tablecloth. If you drop a utensil, dont pick it up. Ask the server for another. Dont gesture with utensils when in conversation at the table.

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Glassware Glasses are placed above and to the right of the service plate in the order they will be used, right to left (outside-in). In most restaurants today, only a water glass is placed on the table before you have ordered specific beverages. At catered luncheons and dinners and at meals in private homes, you will find some of the glasses mentioned below at your place setting when you sit down. They will be used in the order that they are arranged, moving from the outside glass in toward the plate. Sherry (small stem) served with soup course (rarely used today) White wine (medium-size stem) Red Wine (large stem) Water (largest stem) placed slightly behind the wine glasses Champagne (narrow flute) to the right or behind water glass; served with dessert
WORTH REMEMBERING - Glassware: White wine, red wine and champagne glasses are held by the stem. Dont turn over a glass or cup to indicate that you do not wish to receive that beverage. Simply place your hand over the top of either to indicate your preference and say No, thank you to the server. Dont hold a glass up as a signal to a waiter that you need a beverage. Dont clink glasses during a toast at a business function. Look into a glass, not over the rim, while drinking.
Bread Plate Set to the upper left side of your service plate Take butter and place it on the bread plate before spreading it on your bread. Break, dont cut, one small piece of bread at a time and butter it while holding it over your bread plate. If you are provided with a butter spreader, use it to put butter on a roll or bread, not your dinner knife. If your dining companion uses your bread plate, dont call attention to his/her error. Discreetly ask the server for another plate or proceed without one.
Soup Plate or Soup Cup Soup is served on most occasions in a shallow soup plate with a plate beneath. When the level of the soup remaining in the plate is shallow and your spoon will scrape the bottom noisily, you may tip the plate away from you by lifting the rim nearest to you and spooning the soup away from you. When you finish soup served in a shallow soup plate, you may leave the spoon in the soup plate.

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Picture your soup plate as the face of a clock and dip your soup spoon in at the top of the plate (12 oclock), dipping away from yourself. Draw the bottom of the spoon over the rim of the soup plate to prevent drips. Continue to sit up relatively straight while the spoon travels up to your mouth (your mouth does not move down to the spoon.) Sip the soup from the edge of the spoon. Dont put the entire spoon into your mouth. You may leave your spoon in a soup plate (large, shallow bowl) between bites and when you finish, but never leave a spoon in a soup cup. Never place a soup spoon (or any utensil) on the table after it has been used.
Soup may be served in a cup with one or two handles with a saucer beneath. You may begin to eat the soup with a spoon and finish by picking up the cup by the one handle or by both handles and drinking it. Not many people know that this is appropriate, so use your spoon to finish the soup if you are not comfortable with picking up the cup and feel that this practice may be misunderstood. Cup and Saucer Place your index finger through a cup handle. Support the cup by placing your thumb on top of the handle and your middle finger under the handle. (Dont pinch the cup handle between you thumb and first two fingers.) Dont extend your pinky finger. Dont make noise with your spoon while stirring in a cup. After stirring a beverage, place the spoon on the saucer or other plate. Never leave a spoon in a cup; always place it in the saucer. Dont move a teabag up and down in your cup. When the tea is strong enough to suit your taste, remove the bag and place it on your saucer or in the small container provided. Never wrap the string around a teabag and squeeze the remaining liquid into your cup.
Salt and Pepper Dont add salt and pepper to your food before tasting it. Always pass salt and pepper containers together, never one without the other. Place the salt and pepper containers on the table near the person who has requested them, and not into his/her hand. Dont reach to the left or right beyond your place setting for salt and pepper (or for anything!) Ask your table companions to pass what you need. You may reach for items that are directly in front of you.
Finger Bowl When attending a formal dinner or an event with an international guest list, you may be surprised by the arrival of a finger bowl following the main course and before dessert. You will take it in your stride because the secrets are revealed to you here. The Etiquette Advocate
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The finger bowl will be served on a dessert plate with a paper doily placed under the bowl and on top of the plate. Half-filled with tepid water, the bowl may have a fresh flower or lemon slice (for decoration only!) floating in the water. Dip your fingers in daintily, one hand at a time, and dry them on your napkin below the table edge. When you have finished, lift the finger bowl AND THE DOILY (but not the plate beneath) and place them at the upper left side of your place setting. Leave the dessert plate in front of you; the waiter will serve your dessert on this plate. A dessert fork and spoon may be on the plate beneath the finger bowl, and these should be removed immediately and placed to the right (spoon) and left (fork) of the plate. On occasion, a finger bowl may arrive earlier in the meal following a particularly messy course. Follow the same procedure.
DINING STYLES
As you encounter formal dining situations and dine with colleagues from other cultures, you will observe that not everyone uses utensils in the same manner. America is one of the few countries where diners move the fork to the right hand after cutting food. Most cultures do not move utensils from hand to hand for cutting and eating food, some do not use Western utensils and others use no utensils at all. As you strive to become a global citizen, practice other styles of eating so that you will be comfortable and confident in any dining environment.
American Style Hold the knife in your right hand with your index finger on the handle, overlapping the blade no more than one inch. This provides leverage for cutting. Cut food in one direction only by drawing the knife toward you; do not use a back-and-forth, sawing motion. Hold the fork, tines down, in your left hand with your index finger on the handle.
Cut only one piece of food at a time.

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After cutting, place the knife on the right edge of your plate with the blade facing the center of the plate. Move the fork to your right hand and hold it like a pencil. Move your fork to your mouth, not vice versa.
A knife should never touch or enter your mouth. Place utensils on the plate when not in use, not on the table.
Silent Service Code -- American Style There are visual cues called the Silent Service Code that are universally understood and signal others when you have finished a course or your meal. Visualize your plate as the face of a clock and place your utensils according to these guidelines to indicate the status of your meal. Rest position: The fork is placed in the 4 oclock position (handle pointing to 4 if your plate were the face of clock), and the knife is placed on the upper right edge of the plate with the blade facing in toward the center of the plate (space between these two utensils). Use this position when you are talking, drinking, using your napkin or if you leave the table temporarily and want to finish your food when you return.
Finished Position: When you have finished a course or the meal, place your fork and knife side-by-side in the 4 oclock position (handles pointing toward 4 on the face of the clock). The tines of the fork are pointed up and the cutting edge of the knife is pointing toward the center of the plate.

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European Style Use the fork in your left hand (with your index finger on the back of the handle) to hold food in place while the knife in your right hand cuts one piece of food at a time.
Leave the fork in your left hand, tines down, and bring food to your mouth by pivoting your wrist and raising your forearm to bring food to your mouth.
You may use the knife, which remains in your right hand, to push small portions of food onto the tines of the fork. When eating food that cannot be pierced by the tines of a fork, it is permissible to turn the fork over, hold it like a pencil in your left hand, use your knife to move food onto the bed of the fork and move the food to your mouth. This will take some practice. A knife should never touch or enter your mouth. Place utensils on the plate when not in use, not on the table. Used utensils should never be placed on the table.
Silent Service Code -- European Style: There are visual cues called the Silent Service Code that are universally understood and signal to others when you have finished a course or your meal. Visualize your plate as the face of a clock and place your utensils according to these guidelines to indicate the progress of your meal.

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Rest position: The knife is placed with its handle pointing to the 4 oclock position and fork with its tines down and its handle pointing toward the 8 oclock position, is placed overlapping the knife blade (utensils create an X on plate). Use this position when you are talking, drinking, using your napkin or when you leave the table temporarily.
Finished Position: When you have finished a course or the meal, place your fork and knife together in the 4 oclock position. The tines of the fork are pointed down and the cutting edge of the knife is toward the center of the plate.
Chopsticks Keep the bottom chopstick stationary by resting it on your third (ring) finger at the first knuckle and the web of skin between your thumb and index finger. Press the lower part of your thumb against it to secure it in place. (You should be able to wiggle the top portion of your thumb.) Hold and move the top chopstick like a pencil. Bring the points of the two chopsticks together to pinch and pick up food. If taking food with chopsticks from communal serving dish, turn sticks around and use the wide end to pick up food and place it on your plate. Place used chopsticks on a chopstick rest or edge of plate, not on the table or tablecloth. (Soup in an Asian meal is eaten with a wide, porcelain spoon.)
Hands As Utensils In many countries and ethnic restaurants, food is eaten with the hands. In Afghan, Indian and other cultures, it is appropriate to use the right hand to pick up food and place it in the mouth. (Remember, in many countries the left hand is considered unclean.) In Asian countries, it is customary to use the hand to pick up large pieces of food and to take small bites and return the piece to the plate. Do your homework before attending an international gathering, and watch your host and other diners for cues. Also, dont be afraid to ask questions. The Etiquette Advocate
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FOOD SERVICE
Buffet Service Dont put large amounts of food on a plate or carry two plates at once. Dont put all your courses on the same plate. (For example: return to the buffet for dessert after you have eaten the main course.) Dont taste food from your plate or from the table while standing at the buffet. Dont carry on lengthy conversations at the buffet service table. You may be blocking access for other guests. Offer to help others who may have difficulty serving themselves. Seated Service At tables of eight or more guests, it is not necessary to wait for all guests to be served before beginning to eat. You may begin when others seated near you are served. Food is served from the left and removed from the right side of each diner. Beverages are served and removed from the right. Pass food to the right whenever practical.
French service may require you to serve yourself from a serving tray held by a waiter. Use both utensils on the tray to take a moderate amount of food and place it on your plate.
Restaurant Dining Dont ask the waiter to describe every ingredient in several dishes you are considering unless you have serious food allergies. People do not respect diners who are rude to restaurant staff or any service personnel. Be polite and considerate, but it is not necessary to thank a server every time something is placed in front of you. Complaining makes others uncomfortable. If your order is incorrect, politely point it out to the server so that it can be corrected. Invite companions to begin eating while you wait for a correction to be made. If timing is off and your companions food arrives before yours, encourage him/her to begin eating. If yours arrives before his/hers, stall before beginning to eat or ask the waiter to hold your meal until all can be served. 25

TOP 12 ETIQUETTE MISTAKES

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. Failing to put the comfort of others before your own Tardiness/Arriving late Failing to respond to an invitation Crude dining skills Failing to send a handwritten thank you note A poor handshake Mishandling or skipping introductions Lack of cell phone courtesy Foul language Poor listening skills Me mania Too much talking about oneself Dressing inappropriately for important occasions

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ETIQUETTE BIBLIOGRAPHY
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE RESOURCES Emily Posts Etiquette; (16th edition); HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.; Peggy Post; 1997. ISBN006-270078-2. Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct; P.M. Forni; St. Martins Griffin; 2002. ISBN 0-312-30250-9. Essential Manners For Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why; Peter Post; Harper Resource; 2003. ISBN 0-06-053980-1. BUSINESS ETIQUETTE RESOURCES Business Protocol: Contemporary American Practice; David Robinson; Atomic Dog Publishing; 2003. ISBN 1-931442-91-6. Easy Writer: A Pocket Guide (Third Edition); Andrea Lunsford; Bedford/St. Martins; 2006. The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional Success; Peggy Post and Peter Post; HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.; 1999. ISBN 0-06-273672-8. Five Steps To Professional Presence: How to Project Confidence, Competence, and Credibility at Work; Susan Bixler and Lisa Scherrer Dugan; Adams Media Corporation; 2001. ISBN 1-58062442-1. Multicultural Manners: Essential Rules of Etiquette for the 21st Century; Norine Dresser; John Wiley & Sons, Inc.; 2005. ISBN 0-471-68428-7. New Rules @ Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead; Barbara Pachter with Ellen Schneid Coleman; Prentice Hall Press; 2006. ISBN 0-7352-0407-1. Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook; Barbara Pachter and Marjorie Brody; Prentice Hall; 1995. ISBN 0-13-156951-1. INTERNATIONAL PROTOCOL RESOURCES China Now: Doing Business in the Worlds Most Dynamic Market; N. Mak Lam and John L. Graham; 2007. ISBN 13-978-0-07-147254-8. Chinese Business Etiquette; Scott Seligman; Warner Business Books; 1999. ISBN 0-6-67387-0. Dos and Taboos Around the World; Roger E. Axtell; John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 1993. ISBN 0471-59528-4. Dos and Taboos Around the World for Women in Business; Roger E. Axtell; Tami Briggs, Margaret Corcoran, Mary Beth Lamb; John Wiley & Sons; 1997. ISBN 0-471-14364-2. Dunn and Bradstreets Guide to Doing Business Around the World; Terri Morrison, Wayne A. Conaway, Joseph J. Douress; Prentice Hall; 1997. ISBN 0-13-531484-4. Global Etiquette Guide to Mexico and Latin America; Dean Foster; John Wiley & Sons, Inc.; 2002. ISBN0-471-41851-X. (Other titles in the series: Asia; Europe; Africa and the Middle East.). Kiss, Bow, Or Shake Hands; Terri Morrison and Wayne A. Conaway; Adams Media; 2006. ISBN 1-59337-368-6. Passport to Success: The Essential Guide to Business Culture and Customs in Americas Largest Trading Partners; Jeanette S. Martin and Lillian H. Chaney; Praeger Publishers; 2008. ISBN 0275997162. Web Sites - (international protocol, cultural, geographic, financial and political information) www.executiveplanet.com www.cia.gov The World Fact Book. www.state.gov Country Notes. www.ediplomat.com www.kissboworshakehands.com www.kwintessential.co.uk

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