<b>Title:</b> I’m so tired.

<b>Setting:</b> The locker room

<b>Characters:</b> Short list this time. Miko, Chuck, Tommy, Jonn, and Earl Hebner.
<b>Explanation:</b> I wanted to show people that my promos don’t have to be filled up
with random crap all the time. Hopefully, it worked.
-----------------------------------------------------

<i>Camera fade into Miko and Tommy’s locker room. To this day, I hate writing
narrative descriptions of the various camera techniques, and the background of the locker
room. It’s a ****ing locker room, so just deal with it. The two are sitting in chairs of
some kind (again, you don’t need the damned descriptions), and apparently have been
talking for ages.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Hey, remember the Bronze Age?

<b>Tommy:</b> Yeah, that was fun.

<b>Miko:</b> It was just so awesome.

<i>Tommy stands up out of his seat, because I’m not going to waste everyone’s time with
unnecessarily dialogue. Indeed, it’s a first, but I don’t have much time before I have to
complete this promo.</i>

<b>Tommy:</b> I gotta pee.

<i>See what I mean? Short, sweet, and straight to the point.

Mr. Page walks out of the room, and Miko is left alone. Well, the cameraman is still
there. Good ol’ Kammy. Miko, bless his orphan heart (orphans deserve to win title
defenses, by the way!) turns to the camera. He looks tired. He looks sad. He looks
desperate.. in one way or another. Slowly, and looking straight into the camera lens, the
Mikotic One pours his soul out to the world…..</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Damn, kids. I’m tired. I’m really freaking tired. I need to go to bed, I need
to take a nap, I need to catch some Z’s, I need to have a wet dream, I need to wake up and
realize that the sheets need to be washed, I need to think I just got blown by Carrie, I
need to just… relax.

<i>He sighs.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> You want to know what I’m tired of? I’m tired of all the over-booking.
I’ve been wrestling every week for the past month, ever since I won these Tag Team titles
with Tommy. First, I fought Maxx, and I lost. Then, I fought for the Hardcore title against
Jay Lasek. I won. This past week, I fought on both Carnage and RAW, defending the Tag
Titles not once – but twice! And now I have to come full circle and defend the Hardcore
title from week two against the man I lost against in week one. Too many weeks. Not
enough time. … Actually, I don’t know how that makes any sense at all, but it worked in
my mind a few minutes ago. Or seconds. Gaahhh!! See? Apparently, my IQ is dropping
like a penguin on ice! I’m so stressed out right now! I’m just too stressed out to have yet
another match – tonight, at Extreme Revolution!

<i>Our nomadic soldier takes a swig from his hot cocoa. What a quaint soul. Did you
know he’s also crippled in his right tibia? Come on, sympathy points.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> But hey, you know what’s even worse than just being tired? ..That’s right.
Being scared. I’m scared – only a little, but scared nonetheless – I’m scared of facing
Maxx. He beat me before, and he can beat me again. I mean, look at him. He’s got Teddy
Long on his side. He’s even got Mick Foley on his side now! That’s two people rooting
for him! This is uneven numbers.

<i>..Actually, Miko, he just evened the score. You’ve had Tommy Page and Chuck Norris
helping you out for over a month now.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> No no. See, he already gets 15 bonus points for beating me last time.
Therefore, with my two helpers, the score was even. Now it’s uneven, and he has an
unfair advantage. Clearly, he’ll win.

<i>But not according to the big book of storyline rules. Since he won round 1 of the feud,
you’ll obviously have to win round 2, or the feud just won’t have any steam at all.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> This isn’t a feud, though! It’s face vs. face! Who’s ever heard of a tense
face vs. face feud?

<i>Stone Cold vs. The Rock? Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio? Anonymous Diva # 13
vs. Anonymous Diva #98 vs. Trish Stratus? Come on.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Ah, but those weren’t REALLY face vs. face feuds. Eventually, someone
turned heel.

<i>Well then, I guess that’s just what you’re going to have to do.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Turn heel?

<i>No, turn face.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> …I’m already a face.

<i>I thought you were a wood elf.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Shut up! I was actually making a solid argument with several supporting
points, for the very first time in my life. I’m trying to show people that I’m not just fun
and games all the time. But then, you had to butt in…
<i>…And prove you wrong? I thought so.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> You know what? I don’t think it’s ever been me that made it too chaotic.
This has ALWAYS been YOUR fault, Mr. Narrator!

<i>Oooh, strong words, coming from a mental hospital reject!</i>

<b>Miko:</b> ..You vowed never to speak of that again. Prepare to die!!!

<i>……….</i>

<b>Miko:</b> ………

<i>Weren’t you making a point a while back?</i>

<b>Miko:</b> ..Oh, right. So anyways, I’m scared of fighting Maxx. And I’m tired of
being over-booked. Now, if only I could get rid of this Hardcore title, so I could just stick
to being a tag champion. Then I could actually get to sleep every now and then!

<i>[Editor’s note: The irony of this is that I’m writing this at 2 AM, and last night I only
got 3 ½ hours of sleep. If I go to bed right now, I’ll still only get 6 hours of sleep, tops.
You bastards. I hate you all.]</i>

<b>Miko:</b> But how can I get rid of this belt? …If only there was a way where I
could have title defenses at any time of day, any day of the week! You know, 24 hours a
day… Seven days a week! I think I counted it right! 24, and 7! I shall dub this the 24/7
RULE!!!! …..Now, if only it actually existed…. Wait a tick! It does exist!!!
WOOHOOO!!

<i>At this point, the locker room door is kicked down by renowned paleontologist and
all-around good guy, Chuck Norris. In he walks, alongside his old personal friend, Earl
Hebner.</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> You know, Earl, I think it’s funny that you’re family’s going to starve to
death now…

<b>Miko:</b> Chuck!! I need you to do me a favor, man! Immediately! Respond,

dammit! Why aren’t you responding???

<b>Chuck:</b> …Because the narrator wouldn’t press the “Enter” button?

<b>Miko:</b> Damn you, narrator…. <i>Sorry, Miko. I tried – aww, dammit. I forgot to
press the Enter button again.

Ah, there we go. That’s much better. Go ahead, Chuck.</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> Thanks. So, what’s this favor of yours?

<b>Miko:</b> Well….

<i>…He gets into fighting stance…</i>

<b>Miko:</b> …I need you to FIGHT ME!!!!!

<i><b>Dun dun dun!!!!!</b></i>

<b>Chuck:</b> No.

<i>………All that suspenseful music for nothing.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Why not?

<b>Chuck:</b> Because I’m your manager. There mustn’t be quarrels in such a

relationship.

<b>Miko:</b> But it’s not a quarrel – it’s a fight! There’s a difference.

<b>Chuck:</b> Oh, really? Name one.

<b>Miko:</b> Well, for starters, the word “fight” isn’t slightly reminiscent of the word
“squirrel.”

<b>Earl:</b> Ha! Owned.

<b>Chuck:</b> Shut up, Earl. ..Miko, what’s going on now? Why the sudden urge to
face the Human Tidal Wave, Chuck “The Sticky Tack” Norris?

<i>…Yeah, yeah. I’m STILL working on a good nickname for him.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Uh… well….

<i>The champ looks away quickly, trying to think quickly on his feet. Hide all
radioactive materials, people; this could get ugly.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> …DON’T YOU TRY STACKIN’ UP TO ME!!!

<i>And lo, he gets in Chuck’s face. Well, more like his chest. If you check the bio,
Miko’s sort of on the small side… Hrmph. Interesting. Chuck isn’t all that
intimidated.</i>
<b>Chuck:</b> I’m not all that intimidated, Miko. You know what I could do to you. I
did it to your sister 8 short years ago, and I can do it to you right here, right now!!!

<b>Miko:</b> Don’t you even THINK of pulling out the wooden spoon, Chuck! I’m a
grown man now, dammit!! I WILL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS!!!!

<i><b>SLAP!!!!!!!</b>

…The slap heard ‘round the world, ‘tis… Miko actually slaps Chuck Norris straight
across the… belly? I certainly didn’t see THAT coming. Chuck grits his teeth, but only
the slightest bit. I mean, come on, the guy’s made of pure adamantium and spirituality.
It’s not like he’s actually hurt… On the outside, that is. The poor guy starts getting a little
ticked off, however. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> Okay, Miko… I’ll fight you.

<i>LLLLLLLLLLLLLLET’S GET READY TO

RRRRRRRRRUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<b>Ding ding ding!</b>

Norris gets into his classic fighting stance. …Wait, does he even use a fighting stance?
Yeah, I suppose he does, but nothing “classic,” really. It’s different every time, it seems.
One fight he’s a boxer; the next, he’s trained in Muy Thai; the next, he’s holding a large
wooden pylon. Suffice to say, anyway, that this time he’s ready to fight. I think he’s ready
to grapple or something… I can never tell. Miko, on the other hand, stands perfectly
still.</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> ..Aren’t you going to attack?

<b>Miko:</b> Nope.

<b>Chuck:</b> O…kay… You asked for it! I’m sorry for this!

<i>The dramatic Danny Elfman theme (# 29810, that is) plays, and the camera goes into
slow motion. Walker leaps into the air, twirls like a ballerina, sticks his right foot out, and
collides his ankle straight into the cheek of the undaunted Miko!

<b>BAM!</b>

Miko falls to the ground, nearly unconscious. With his last breath, he looks up…</i>

<b>Miko:</b> …Chuck… pin me…..

<i>Befuddled, Chuck shrugs and hooks Miko’s leg.</i>

<b>Earl: 1!

2!

3!

Ding ding ding!</b>

<i>Ladies and gentlemen, your winner…. Chuuuuuuuuck Nooooooorriiiiiiiis!!!</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> Miko, Miko, Miko… Are you happy now?

<b>Miko:</b> Yeah. Now help me up before I get an ulcer, dammit.

<b>Chuck:</b> You mean a splinter?

<b>Miko:</b> Shut up.

<i>As Chuck pulls Miko up to his feet, Tommy walks back in. His fly is down, but he
doesn’t seem to notice.</i>

<b>Tommy:</b> Hey, what’s going on in here?

<b>Miko:</b> Well, you just missed it, Tommy. Chuck Norris is now our new Hardcore
Champion!!

<b>Chuck:</b>
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *gasp*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????
???????????????????????????????????????????? *wheeze*
????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

<b>Miko:</b> Hardcore matches can take place anytime, anywhere. You just pinned me,
so you’re the champ.

<b>Chuck:</b> ..I can’t believe it. I AM the new champ! ....This isn’t right… This isn’t
right at all! This is an outrage! A travesty!! A DELCARATION OF INDPENDENCE!

<b>Tommy:</b> I, uh, didn’t follow that last one there, Chuck.

<b>Chuck:</b> How could you do this to me, Miko? I can’t be the Hardcore Champion!
I might be an impressive athlete, but I’m just a big softy on the inside. Now fight me
again and take back this damned title!!!

<b>Miko:</b> Hell no!

<b>Chuck:</b> Take it!! TAKE IT!!

<b>Miko:</b> No!! Screw you!!!! There’s no way I’m going the hell into the ring at
Extreme Revolution!

<b>Chuck:</b> …Don’t you dare… GAHH!!! I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO DO THIS

THE HARD WAY!!!

<i>And without warning, CHUCK NORRIS BACKHAND PUNCHES HIMSELF IN

THE FACE. He falls to the ground, fully unconscious.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> …Uh. What is he…?

<b>Earl: 1
2
3
4
5
6
7</b>

<b>Miko:</b> ---Crap!!

<b>Earl: 8
9
10!</b>

Miko’s the winner via KO!

<b>Miko:</b> DAMMIT!!!

<b>Tommy:</b> Say… Congratulations, Miko! You’re now a 2-time Hardcore

champion!

<b>Miko:</b> ..I am? I am!! By golly whiz gee whillikers, I am!! Yesss!!!! 2-TIME, 2-
TIME! 2-TIME, 2-TIME!! WOOHOOO!!

<i>Bigg Jonn, who just happened to be walking by at the time, pops his head in through
the door.</i>
<b>Jonn:</b> Actually, Miko, that loss and win won’t count. This is your own promo,
after all. So it won’t count in the records. You’re still only a 1-time champion.

<b>Miko:</b> Shut up, you party pooper!

<i>The 2-time champion reaches for a steel pipe and whips it across the room, nailing
Jonn straight in the eye. Jonn goes down. There, the tradition lives on. Happy, kids?</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> HA!

<i>The near-dead Chuck Norris suddenly kicks up to his feet, rolls back and forth army-
style, does a couple somersaults, and backflips over the couch, before standing up
normally like any rational human being.</i>

<b>Tommy:</b> Wow, that was completely unnecessary, but I’m impressed all the same.

<b>Chuck:</b> Hey, Miko. I can see that you’re scared of fighting Maxx, but you really
shouldn’t be.

<b>Miko:</b> Eh?

<b>Chuck:</b> I mean, sure, Maxx beat you last time. And sure, Maxx has Teddy Long.
And sure, Maxx has Mick Foley. And sure, Maxx is more talented than you are. And sure,
Maxx doesn’t have an ambiguously homoerotic relationship with his tag partner—

<i>Tommy coughs and looks down at the floor.</i>

<b>Chuck:</b> ..But, speaking of ambiguous homoeroticism, you’ve got a much larger

hee-haw than he does.

<i>Everyone else looks around at each other, confused.</i>

<b>Earl:</b> The hell’s a hee-haw?

<b>Tommy:</b> Yeah, I dunno.

<b>Miko:</b> What is it, Chuck?

<b>Chuck:</b> You know, a ding-dong?

<b>Miko:</b> No..?

<b>Chuck:</b> A whippersnapper?

<b>Tommy:</b> That move by Mikey Whipreck?

<b>Chuck:</b> No… a wingbat?

<b>Earl:</b> The ****???

<b>Chuck:</b> I’M TALKING ABOUT YOUR PENIS, MIKO! YOUR PENIS!!! YOU
HAVE A MUCH LARGER PENIS THAN MAXX!!!!!

<i>Everyone stops. Cue the awkwardest silence ever, in the entire history of not only
mankind, but the universe and the creation thereof.</i>

<b>Miko:</b> Okay… uh… I think we should end this segment. Now. Turn the camera
off!

<i>And that’s it.</i>