A man impersonating a woman on stage? Piece of cake.

But a woman whose livelihood depends on pretending to be a man who pretends to be a woman? Now you've got problems! Victor/Victoria may be one of the last of the great, old-style movie musical comedies--it is so good, it was turned into a hit Broadway stage musical years later. Victoria's a down-and-out singer who hooks up with a flamboyantly gay theatrical veteran , and together they become the toast of 1934 Paris by dreaming up a provocative nightclub act in which Victoria assumes the identity of a man in drag. So, in other words, she plays a woman playing a man playing a woman ... and that's only the beginning of the sexual identity confusions that provide the fuel for this splendidly classy slapstick musical farce. A Chicago club owner, finds himself strangely besotted with this stylish, androgynous creature--even though he thinks Victor/Victoria is a man. The movie won the Academy Award for Best Music, Original Song Score and Its Adaptation or Best Adaptation Score. It was nominated for Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Robert Preston), Best Actress in a Leading Role (Julie Andrews), Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Lesley Ann Warren), Best Art Direction-Set Decoration (Rodger Maus, Tim Hutchinson, William Craig Smith, Harry Cordwell), Best Costume Design and Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium. Perhaps one of the greatest films in movie history, V/V will live on for generations. ----John Fresk

-I was the leading soprano of the Bath Touring Light Opera Company. -You're very athletic for a soprano. -Because I have three brothers. -I know what you mean. I grew up with two older sisters. -Bless you. -Thank you. -I think I'm catching a cold. -Do you have any bicarbonate? -Top shelf. -I have the worst heartburn. -Can I ask you a question? -You want to know if I'm a homosexual.

-No. I want to know if you're a hypochondriac. -Not necessarily. -Well, my husband was. The day we got married he got the shingles. The day we got divorced his ulcer perforated. (pause for a moment to ponder) -How long have you been homosexual? -How long have you been a soprano? -Since I was 12. -I was a late bloomer. -What happened to the Bath Touring Light Opera Company? -I guess you could say Lou Cassava took French leave with the bankroll. -Lou Cassava? -Our stage manager. Sam put him up to it. -Sam? -My ex-husband. -Oh, God. -You know... ...you should stay in bed and force liquids. -That's good advice for a camel. -Have anybody to take care of you? -lt's only a cold.

-A cold tonight could be pneumonia by the morning. -Are you sure your husband was a hypochondriac before he married you? -I know you think I'm an alarmist. -Only because you sound like one. -I've had enough personal experience to know... ...that when it comes to your health it doesn't pay to take chances. -Then, you can stop worrying. With the exception of sax ophone lessons and the metro... ...I never pay to take anything. -You know what I'm going to do? -What? I'm going to see if my clothes are dry, and then try to sneak back into my hotel. -And what if I wake up with pneumonia? -Well, I'll just have to come around early in the morning and check on you. -I could have a relapse in the middle of the night. -No, you couldn't. -Why couldn't I?

Because the middle of the night was about two hours ago.( Wander around) -Oh, my God! (hold up dress) -What? -It was guaranteed not to shrink. My best dress. -Look. -Let's see. There's nothing to let down. -I can't go out like this. -Well, what about the coat? -What am I going to do? Sell matches. -Poor baby. -I'm sorry. This hasn't been my day. (wipe eyes like your crying) -God, there have been times I'd have given my soul to cry like that. -No. I hate it. -You wouldn't if you couldn't do it anymore. Well... ...tomorrow I'll go over and pick up your clothes. -They won't let you. -They will if I pay your bill. -You can't do that.

Why not? This is that rainy day I've saved up a few francs for. -Here.( hands blanket) -You know what they say. -What? "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." -"A loan oft loses both itself and friend." -Exactly. -You were willing to compromise your virtue for a meatball. -I was out of my mind at the time. At least it was something for something. -Right. We'll make this strictly a business proposition. I'll charge you a weekly interest... ...equivalent to the going rate of one meatball. -Toddy, you're sweet and generous. -Exhausted. How would I ever pay you back? -Well, we'll solve that tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm giving the orders. You're going to get into those pajamas and come to bed. -There? -You're welcome to the sofa.

You have my word, the bed is much more comfortable, and infinitely safer. (sneeze) -God! -There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.

--------------------Next Day-----------------------------I won't be long. (pretend to be putting on cloths) -I resent being treated like a helpless invalid. -Will you keep your mouth shut? -Now, I'll cash the check, pay my hotel bill... -...and be back in time to fix lunch. -I can bloody well fix my own lunch. -Not with a fever you can't. -What makes you so sure I've got a fever? -Because you're burning up, that's why. -I'm naturally warm-blooded. -To be that naturally warm-blooded you'd have to be a Saint Bernard. -You look better in Richard's clothes than he does. Of course, he looks better out of them. -Well? (holding out thermometer) -You're right. You don't have a fever. You don't even have a temperature. Now, leave it there.

-Does Richard have a hat? -ln the closet. -Toddy? (swith over become rich.) -Richard. -Good morning, Richard. You look like a raccoon. -I came to pick up my things. -I thought it was to pay me the money you owed me. -I don't owe you a thing, you pathetic, old queer. -You bastard! (switch back over) -Get up! You, get back in bed! -Who was that? -Now... ...next time, pick on someone your own size. -And don't come back! -Good. ---------------------------Time passes-------------------------------Toddy! You're delirious. -Lower your voice. -Toddy! -Lower. -Toddy. -Caruso, not Chaliapin. -lf you don't get back...

-When you're angry it drops naturally. Think angry. -What an inspiration! -I'll get a doctor. -Victoria, it'll work! -lt won't. -If you listen to me and do as I say, in six weeks you'll be... ...the toast of Paris and we will both be very rich. -Oh, yes. -Very, very rich! -But, my God! -Think. No more Bath Light Opera Company. No more Mikado and seedy tenors. -Yes, but... -Caviar instead of meatballs! -Where're you going? -To get some scissors! People believe what they see. This afternoon Andr Cassell will meet Europe's greatest female impersonator. -Andr Cassell is the biggest agent in Paris. If I'm great, why hasn't he heard of me? -You're the greatest, but you're unknown, except in Poland.

-Poland? -You're Count Grazinski, Polish aristocrat. -You speak very little English. Your family disowned you when they found out you're gay. -Wait! -We met in Warsaw, fell in love, I brought you to Paris. -Hold it! -What's wrong? -"What's wrong?" What's right? A woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman? -Ridiculous. -lt's preposterous. -It's so preposterous, no one would believe it. -You expect them to believe Count... Grazinski. Grazinski, a gay, Polish female impersonator. -Darling, all anybody has to believe is that you're a man. To convince an audience that an illusion is real...

...the magician creates a plausible diversion. -Count Grazinski is our plausible diversion. -Toddy, no audience is that gullible. -They'll know he's a phony. -Right. -Well? -They'll know he's a phony. -Toddy, I don't know how to act like a man. -Contrary to the popular conception of how a man acts... ...there are different men who act in different ways. -I mean, as opposed to the way women act. -I am personally acquainted with at least a dozen men who act exactly like women... ...and vice versa. -But there are some things that are naturally masculine. -Name one. -Peeing standing up. -There's absolutely no rule that says a man can't sit down. -Men have Adam's apples. -So do some women.

-Name one. -Nana Lanoux. -What? -Taxi! -Nana Lanoux? Who's she? -The last woman I slept with. -When was that? -The night before the morning I decided to become a homosexual. -Very dashing. -I can't wear this all the time -Why not? You might set a fashion. -Did Miss Lanoux have a big Adam's apple? -Like a coconut.