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Breakup Advice - The Secret Reason Breakups Cause Such Mixed Feelings

By Pat Marterra A while ago, a close friend called me in tears seeking breakup advice. Her boyfriend had left her and she was devastated. Through her sobs she said "I don't understand why I'm so upset. He wasn't good for me anyways." So many men and women, having either broken up with or been dumped by our partners, have found ourselves in a similar situation. We know that a relationship was bad for us and that the person we were with is flawed - even abusive - yet part of us still desperately longs to have them back. We're torn between what we know intellectually to be true and what our deepest emotions urge us to do. Why does this happen? Why do we feel so drawn to someone even though he or she may have hurt us time and again? The answer to this question lies in the fact that there is more going on in romantic relationships and separations than meets the eye. There are actually events happening on two levels, both the conscious and the unconscious. And, while a lot of breakup advice focuses us on the conscious level of events during a relationship and breakup, we often remain unaware of what is really happening inside of us unconsciously. On the conscious level, you may perceive your partner or ex-partner simply as the actual person he or she is, with all of his or her wonderful qualities and flaws. But what might surprise you is that on the unconscious level, this person is actually a powerful symbol. On this deeper level, he or she represents something or someone beyond just themselves. They may represent your parents or someone else who was important to you or who hurt you in the past. They may represent someone you looked to for safety or attachment when you were vulnerable. They may even represent an imaginary or fantasy character that you've always dreamed of, admired or used to comfort yourself when you were growing up. When the relationship is threatened or when you break up, your feelings are not only about the real person that your partner is, but also about the loss of the entity that they represent to you unconsciously. To your unconscious mind, it may seem just like you are a young child being abandoned by a parent, caretaker or

other source of security. And that is why even though your conscious mind may realize you are better off without them, your unconscious mind may still fill you with such fear, pain and heartache. The best breakup advice must help you to become aware of how these two levels - the conscious and the unconscious - interact in your relationships and during a breakup. The more you understand this important inner relationship, the more wisely you can handle your breakup and the more able you will be to use the pain as an opening to actually heal some of your longstanding demons. Once you do that, you will be in a position to attract someone healthier for you the next time around. Pat is passionate about helping people gain the insight and tools necessary to best handle breakup and separation. With the right breakup advice and resources, even the most difficult relationship situations can become important learning experiences that can improve your life. Learn more at: Breakup Advice Welcome to Breakup Advice Article Source:

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