The difficulty for the child faces a perverse narcissistic parent is in a paradox: his suffering is all the more

massive than all the trappings of its development, as well as those related to family environment, not only do not leave any shine fault, no suffering, but would return the same image of a near-perfect family, in which the child develops and grows in harmony without a problem. Therefore, this child has no direct way to shout his discomfort, no grip possible in this illusion of harmony and this fictitious reality, no room for any revolt: the trap is well put together, the returned image is smooth, socially correct. It's like having a gun pointed in the back and having to look good for not only the one who pulls the tip. Especially not to draw attention to the dark side of reality.

Cast Away "The dominant feeling, by far, in this child is that of profound isolation and loneliness of an immense," says Catherine Salobir, clinical psychologist. First because there is between the parent and narcissistic pervert him no transmission whatsoever. Nothing is said, nothing is ever told, or else, though "mix" and "smooth". He will realize, over the years, there are holes in his story, because there's never been a true story about it. The bits of information that the child will eventually get as he has gleaned here and there, over the conversations he has witnessed with some close family, or cross it alone be successfully established. The narcissistic pervert is not revealed, it yields nothing. Thus, both his personal story than on general knowledge, the child learns early on that he must discover and learn everything by himself. He knows he will only grow, it will be very difficult to forgive. The child is therefore difficult to be in its history, to find its place, as if the bond of filiation was finally on the civil registers. This is again a paradox: its parent is alive, but in reality, the child feels orphaned, except that it has no chance of being adopted, what he thinks sometimes also because it would mean finally having a parent, that is to say someone who knows that the key is in the gift and exchange, someone who "knows how to live." The narcissistic pervert lives with her child, but separately, they share nothing. Absolute drought. An infinite chasm separates them. The parent can not open the doors of his heart, symbolically wrap and keep warm. It is a language that completely ignores and he will not listen, preferring to take refuge in an almost systematic intellectualization of life events, allowing it skillfully, (because it is generally a brilliant ), not to discuss sensitive topics while enjoying a fascination on others, which leaves unfortunately fooled. Of this charade, the child sees, but he learned to hide his grief and nausea. His wound is inside, as his solitude. That its parent is therefore assured for the moment everything seems - desperately - normal. The narcissistic pervert does this child other than through his own narcissism, which promotes the well. In fact, outside the child perceives that through the description that it in fact and ignores. Once again we are in the area of the image, appearance. The child experiences the loneliness that is not to be recognized and understood, to refine the image of the perfect home, as a trendy accessory that is fashionable display. Sometimes, however, that some people close to the family circle are able to grasp
1

something of the child: capable of effective listening and make up their own minds about him, without being influenced by the prevailing discourse of parents, they establish with him a sincere and true, simply because they look at him. This new situation gives the child a deep well-being, while at the same time, it only intensifies his suffering to realize that his relatives are unable to grasp everyday that other, more distant and more anonymous, were able to perceive. A final aspect of the sense of isolation is directly related to the other parent, the spouse where the narcissistic pervert exercises considerable sway, caught in a submissive relationship, swallowed by the person who organizes and center every moment of life around him to abandon almost completely the role of parent to devote himself exclusively to that of husband or wife. The child is doubly an orphan from his parents: he made the unthinkable, he needs to grieve and overcome the anachronism it is to live with those who are already dead, he has already "buried". Who am I? Assertiveness is also very difficult for the child with no real place, it is struggling to emerge other than through what he understood what he should be. He never asks much, is almost never the applicant. He knows he must slip into the costume that has sadly narrow crafted for him, otherwise it will become a stranger. There is no space for dissent, which would immediately stifled and violently repressed. The child receives early in this sham of balance, its parent intolerance to any form of difference, to everything that does not resemble him. The singularity is taboo. The subtle but real dictatorship leaves room obviously no room for discussion, exchange of different viewpoints, since nothing is to risk threatening the established order and the sense of omnipotence that defends against the narcissistic pervert and against everything. The child knows that he is also able to live free, for now he must be silent if he will not be dismissed or face to face his parent to his own nothingness. He is not opposed to the front of narcissistic pervert, it often takes refuge in silence, which earned him then to be defined as a child well-behaved, a child model adding a new luster in spite of himself the emblem of narcissism the parent, who, incapable of any empathy, at no time carries out the artificial nature of this attitude. This silencing locks in children any verbalization of feelings and emotions. The word with the perverse narcissist revolves only around discussions where emotions never come because they are dangerous for him, might weaken, making it vulnerable to losing its power. His speeches, often imbued with a culture under protective, is always serious. " His speech, his thoughts must occupy all the space, as that of other than their emotions. Here, we do not overflows, we reason. Here, we do not live, you're dead. An island in people The burden borne by the child's narcissistic pervert has an impact on its relations with the outside world. Relationally, the child in his family shows a high stiffness vis--vis the physical contact. The few hugs with the parent are not warm, as if the child is preserved in an unconscious way, a dangerous infection. In everyday life, physical contact is kept to a minimum, as if to put as much distance between life and death. It must be said that the narcissistic parent is not him either prone to physical contact. Socially, it will not be easy for the child to make contact with others. To have lived
2

with a relative intolerance to any difference in judgment and always concerned about her appearance has made it difficult spontaneity and integration into any one group: the time it will be necessary. The child of narcissistic pervert, who has learned to survive the tragedy of pretense, has always had in him the knowledge intuitive and very early he would escape the trap of its parent and that he would find out, the earth he must conquer in order to live free (unless manipulations show the outside world as dangerous, in which case he will be caught in a web of contradictions rather paralyzing unconscious). Older, he "knows" he is a survivor, he has missed what could have been buried alive, make it silent, or worse. That's why he sometimes rage to live pegged to the soul, the rage to exist, to say, to say, and especially to share, to transmit. In this duel ultra sophisticated, the narcissistic pervert failed to bring the voice of her child in check, nor wealth, nor warmth. The vast solitude in which he has done will live for years created a sense of strength and independence, even if it takes time to reveal itself. He grew up alone, became strong and eager for freedom, he who has been imprisoned. He will enjoy life in a way that certainly displease his parents, confronted with his own emptiness and its woeful inconsistency. Such is the fate of a child managed to make his suffering the artwork of his life. However, not all children, before the tragedy of having a parent narcissistic pervert, this potential struggle and survival. For the majority of them, full of suffering some symptoms are expressed very early aggression, night terrors, eating disorders, psychosomatisations, allergies ... All these events express a desire to be loved, watched and heard. Tyrannical, angry, aggressive ... No, it is not temperamental. But in revolt. In the family constellation of narcissistic pervert, we see that the child is very early designated as the heir of the parent perverse. This is the one that usually is the favorite of the latter, as though he readily acknowledged that would be worthy of him "succeed". Then gradually, a spider's web is woven perverse.