What Does It Mean To Be Yourself'?: All Rights Reserved © 2008

What Does It Mean to Be Yourself?
All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com
Introduction
What does it mean to be yourself? This is a subject thats caused a lot of confusion to a whole heap of women over the years, and I think its about time to put that confusion to an end. Think for a moment about how many conflicting opinions there are about the simple matter of being yourself when it comes to attraction, dating, and relationships. On the one hand, there are best-selling books and dating gurus galore who urge us to do whats essentially playing games with men: manipulating them, pretending to be disinterested when were not, acting cool and stand-offish when were eager and enthusiastic, in order to fan their eagerness for the chase and make them want us. That kind of behavior does work, with a certain kind of man, but usually in the short term only and will often end up unintentionally sabotaging the relationship. After all, how can a mutually satisfying relationship ever take place upon a basis of deception and gameplaying? Not good. But and its a big but - at the same time, a certain amount of carefulness with what you choose to be honest about is absolutely necessary when it comes to creating a successful dating life for yourself. Some things just arent meant to be aired at least, not until you get to know each other better. Theres a lot to be said for diplomacy and appropriateness when it comes to successful dating. If youre going to be completely honest about things like how you feel about a guy for example, telling him on the second date (as some women do) that youre ready to settle down and think the two of you make a great match so far, and what does he think? then youve got to accept the fact that many guys will be scared off by that.
Clearly, being yourself and being 100% open about whatever comes into your head isnt helpful, either. It might be OK with your girlfriends, but when it comes to guys, youve got to know when its best to let things simmer a bit longer. But some women dont have this internal safety dial when it comes to guys, and will often say too much too soon and end up with a lot of dates just disappearing out of from under their noses. So for some women, just being yourself simply isnt enough guidance to be of any assistance. And so, as uncool and unfashionable as it sounds, I do admit that a certain amount of watchfulness is necessary when it comes to men and dating. Complete and untrammeled spontaneity has wrecked a lot more budding relationships than its helped, thats for sure. Think about it: there are lots of books and dating sites out there happily advising women to just be themselves and just go talk to people, but that kind of advice can be a real disaster just as much as the kind that advises manipulation, in fact. When your instincts are leading you wrong, following them even more isnt the answer. The simple fact of the matter is that some of us just need more guidance than what you get with the idealistic just be yourself. For some of us, its simply not enough to rely on our instincts and our intuition around guys especially when that intuition consistently results in failure with men. We want more guidance and more specific suggestions than can be encompassed with be yourself. Bottom line: there is just about nothing that women misread more when it comes to dating and attraction than those two little words.
Either we allow ourselves to be convinced that were not intelligent enough to know how to instinctively react accurately to any given dating situation, and believe that we must resort to rigid rules, game-playing, and manipulative tactics designed to cover up how we really feel or, on the other hand, we go completely in the opposite direction and believe that being ourselves should be good enough for a guy and so we be ourselves without being our best selves, and without making any attempt to figure out male psychology and how to be great company in a way that is both unique and authentically us. Its like the only choices are perceived to be follow these arbitrary and rigid rules or just do whatever you want and hope for the best. Neither is a great way to attract, and keep, a quality man and a quality relationship. This report is designed to teach you how to stay true to yourself, while at the same time not committing any of the hideous blunders that are so often the result of acting impulsively. Im excited to share these truths with you. Lets get down to it!
What Does It Mean to Be Yourself Around Guys Without Driving Them Away?
Lets talk about what it means to be yourself around guys in a way thats going to be true to yourself, authentic, genuine, and will completely and utterly permit your real and unique irresistible self to shine through without taking things too far. But before we get down to the nitty-gritty, lets clear up the difference between being yourself in a smart way, and being yourself as most women interpret it. Most women, when they think about being authentic and genuine around guys, think it means that they should just be their real-deal, wartsnall selves. They interpret it to mean that they should be able to say and do whatever they want, without a thought for the consequences that if they have to self-edit in any way, then theyre somehow being fake. Women who buy into this mode of thinking also usually believe that, if they have to make any kind of an effort curbing temper tantrums, for example, or making an effort to be cheerful instead of sulky then the guy theyre with obviously doesnt love them for who they really are and isnt accepting of their real selves. The result? Usually, an ugly fight, or even the premature severance of the relationship. All because of a simple misunderstanding over semantics. Ladies, heres the deal when it comes to being yourself. It means that you should be true to yourself well expand on this in a moment and it also means, be your best self.
Let me paint you a little picture here. Imagine yourself in baggy trackpants, a huge oversized t-shirt, unshaven legs, unwashed, makeup-free face, unplucked eyebrows, and greasy unstyled, unwashed hair. There you are, in all your ungroomed glory. Now, imagine yourself in your cutest little outfit, fully waxed/plucked/shaved, hair clean and nicely styled, and with a little makeup on to bring out your best features (optional, of course: some ladies dont wear makeup.) And now consider this: both of these images are the real you. Youre just as authentic when youre groomed and feeling great about yourself as you are when youre sloppy and dressed for some hardcore vegging-out. Just because youre making an effort doesnt make the end result any less you. As long as the effort youre making is in line with what you think is best, then youre absolutely being the real deal and expressing an authentic part of your taste and self. You are being yourself just, your best self. I bet you can see where Im going with this. Let me spell it out for you: the same thing applies to your behavior. You can completely be your best self, and make an effort to focus on the good stuff, without having to feel like youre faking it or concealing anything. And yet this is a concept that many women struggle to apply to their dates and relationships. They feel that, in order to be real and genuine, they have to show the complete and uncut version of themselves to the guy theyre dating.
Its almost like a bizarre and incredibly harsh test: as if theyve got to know whether hes going to stick around, no matter how ugly things get or how inappropriately they behave, so they test him by seeing exactly how much crap hell put up with. And of course, ideally, in a world of unconditional love, a guy would stick around no matter how badly youre behaving, because he loves you. But heres the problem with that scenario: unconditional love doesnt exist unless youre talking parent/offspring relations. And even then, some of the families I know are pretty darn conditional with their love. Unconditional love doesnt exist in romantic-love situations. If someone makes you feel bad enough, sooner or later youre going to bail out or at the very least, stop loving them. Nope, if youre really interested in creating a great dating life and a dream-come-true relationship and I hope you are then youve gotta pull that wool off your eyes and wake up to the facts. No quality man is going to stick around if you subject him to things like temper tantrums, consistent sulking, nagging, put-downs, or jealousy and yet these are all things that plenty of women give airtime to whenever they feel like it, simply because that characteristic is part of who they are and he should just be able to deal with it and love me anyway. Well, sorry, but it doesnt work that way. First of all, great relationships are built on building each other up, not subjecting someone to rubbish behavior and expecting them to just put up with it because they love you. What kind of crazy needs-exchange is that? If you love me it means you have to deal with X.
Again, most people quality people are out for a little more in their relationships than a simple transaction. And secondly, yes, if youre in a serious relationship, at some point you are probably going to exercise poor judgment in how you act, and will show some of your less appealing qualities. Thats just part of human nature, and please note that its a far cry from consciously allowing your unsavory side to come out and play simply because youre being yourself. If you go ahead and wade right in to the less-savory aspects of your character, and excuse yourself from making an effort to deal with the issue at hand simply because its natural for you to behave that way, please be aware that theres a rather large difference between this and making a brief lapse in judgment. Even more so if youre doing so before youve even built up a solid base of genuine love and knowledge of one another over some time. So lets define it, once and for all: what does it really mean to be yourself? Heres the deal. On the one hand, it means steering away from consciously-false behavior like: trying to manipulate people pretending to be someone youre not twisting your personality into a shape that you think will be more attractive acting like other women who you think guys like in order to be more successful with men reacting to situations out of rules that were set in the past by a younger and, therefore, less aware and developed you
And on the other hand, truly being yourself also means: being your best self not wallowing in poor behavior deliberately emphasizing your best and most attractive qualities learning to react to each situation spontaneously and as it arises, according to what seems best at the time
Let me give you an example. Lets say youre out on a date with a guy, and he says something that takes you aback just a little bit. Nothing too major, but you definitely didnt agree with him and maybe, on top of that, youre a little bit offended by what he said. There are 3 common ways of dealing with it. 1. Way of the Rule-Following Woman A woman whos intent on following conventional, rule-based wisdom would, in this case, react in a manner thats been prescribed by rule-based dating practices: by smiling, saying nothing, and taking a sip of her drink in order to cover her lack of reaction. She wouldnt want to question him or disagree with him, even if she wanted to, because according to the rules that state men need the chase in order to want us, disagreeing with a guy is wrong and will scare him away. The rule-following woman is unsure of her own intuition and preferences, and believes herself incapable of making good decisions in the moment.
As a result, she chooses to believe the rule that disagreeing with a man in any way is bad form until youre in a serious relationship with him, and says nothing about what she feels; nor does she choose to find out more about his beliefs and motivations. Instead, shes politely silent. 2. The Just Being Myself Woman. The woman who was intent on being herself (at all costs) would likely wade right in without a thought. She would let him know, without any hesitation, that his opinion was foolish and wrong and that, furthermore, it offended her. She would then list the reasons that he was wrong and she was right, and sit back, satisfied that shed demonstrated her personality, proved to him that she wasnt just another doormat, and had let him know that he was dealing with a woman with a brain. 3. The Being My Best Self Woman. The woman who was being her best self would behave in a manner that was appropriate both to the moment, her own intuition, and her genuine self. Knowing that its a first date and they didnt know each other too well yet, she would want to lead with the positive, and so wouldnt tell him flat-out that he was wrong or offensive (NOTE: and in fact, a quality woman wouldnt be rude like that to a man she was with no matter how long shed been with him for.) But neither would she want to say nothing and merely smile timidly, because thats hardly an honest reflection of what she really thinks and who she really is. So, shed find the middle ground, and would choose to question him interestedly on why he had reached the conclusion that he had. She might then engage him in lively debate while refraining from being belligerent or rude, and, as a result, would have both demonstrated her own personality, intelligence, and style, while also doing so in a way that was tactful and diplomatic.
10
As a result, a good time is then much more likely to be had by all; shes able to make an informed decision about her date and why he said what he did (i.e. is he a jack-ass, or was there just a miscommunication?); and she remained true to her genuine self. Being your best self is a subtle blend of authenticity, tact, an ability to lead with the positives, and an ability to put aside rules and react spontaneously to each moment. You may be wondering, at this point, exactly why it is that Im so against rules when it comes to dating and relationships. Allow me to explain. Rules are formulated in the past by a version of yourself that is younger and less fully aware than the you that you are today. If you can agree with me that, as time goes by, we grow and develop as women, then it stands to reason that you know more now than you did then making the you that you are today better equipped to make decisions on anything and everything than the you that you were yesterday, last week, or 10 minutes ago. With me so far? So, when you base your current behavior in this moment of right now on ideas that the you from the past had, youre doing nothing but restricting yourself to the knowledge level that you had back then and discounting all the knowledge and progress youve gained since then. Youre basically holding yourself back. Furthermore yes, theres more when you confine yourself to living within a set of imposed boundaries and rules, youre sending a deep and irrevocable message to yourself that what you believe and think doesnt matter that what you know and feel, right now, isnt enough for you to be able to make the best decision.
11
Thats what youre saying to yourself when you defer to someone elses opinion, whether that someone else is a completely different person, or the someone else that you were when you came up with the ideas and rules that youre confining yourself to now. I know that having rules to follow can make you feel safe. Im totally with you on that one. In a situation thats as chaotic and unpredictable and sometimes downright scary as the dating scene, it can be reassuring to try to reduce it all to a predictability that can be dealt with by a set of rules. But unfortunately, nothing that complex can ever be contained within a set of rules, no matter how complex those rules themselves are so if you try to follow them to the exclusion of your own intuition, youre setting yourself up for a very limited experience. The ability to trust yourself to know whats best is something that comes with time and experience. The more decisions you practice making for yourself, the more able you will be to know how you believe it best to behave in any given situation. And it takes guts to develop this intuition, I agree. But theres a big payoff: the end result isnt some tentative, timid, rule-abiding excuse for a real, flesh and blood woman with her own opinions, her own personality, her own life, and her own kick-ass relationships. Instead, the end result is you and not just you, but the best you. The ability to travel that road requires a certain amount of trust in yourself. But fortunately, you dont have to do it alone. If you want to be able to really trust yourself when it comes to dating and relationships, and know that you will always do the best thing for you, then you should might like to check out some of my other work. A particularly relevant book for what youve been reading about today is a brand-new book that Ive just written, called the Get-A-Guy Guide: From Initial Reaction to Life-Long Attraction!
12
Im super-proud of this one, as Ive poured my absolute best information and advice into it. In fact, Id say that its the work Im most proud of to date (and thats a pretty big call.) Let me tell you a little about it. In this book, I deal with the big questions of attracting men, and keeping them attracted to you. No game-playing or manipulation required ever. And thats a promise. And definitely no rules! (Except for one. But itll make sense to you when you read it. Yes, really and yes, there is an excellent reason for why I advocate just 1 basic guideline that Ive got. But I dont want to ruin the surprise, so I wont say any more for now!) In the Get-A-Guy Guide, I build on the topics that Ive introduced today in a major way. Its all about teaching you how to get in touch with the fantastic and beautiful woman you are today, and how to communicate that fact to the men in your life so that you become an absolute magnet for the kind of attraction you want to create, with the men that you want to attract. I promise you this: if youre tired of vague advice that never really seems applicable to your life, and if you want some rock-solid practical information on how to be happier, healthier, and more irresistibly attractive than you ever thought possible, then do me a favor and check out the book. Youll finally be able to stop waiting around and hoping for something to happen, and youll realize just how abundant your options really are. No kidding this ones a real eye-opener (and it goes against most of what youve heard so far on what it takes to attract great men!) Look: if youre a woman whos interested in taking charge of your options and literally creating the life and relationship of your dreams, then my book is for you. Its launching on the 20th August at 5pm EST, and I cant wait!
13
You can find it here:
www.meetyoursweet.com/attractmen
and until the launch, you can keep yourself up-to-date on the blog. Oh, and if you dont want to wait until the 20th August, you might like to check out my free 6-part mini-course on men and dating, which you can find here: https://www.meetyoursweet.com/
14
Conclusion
I hope this report has been of use to you. Certainly, its true that there are many women out there who unknowingly repeat the same mistakes with men, over and over, without even being aware that their behavior is costing them dates and relationships. Blind spots like these are truly sad, because without someone there to point out the trouble and wake these women up to whats actually going on around them i.e. the fact that theyre unwittingly driving men away the behavior can carry on indefinitely. I wrote this report on how to be your best self because, as an online dating and relationships coach, Im in a position where women come to me for help. From their situations, its clear to the objective observer what the problem is and frequently, it centers around an inability to communicate their best selves to the men theyre dating. Despite the fact that these are lovely, intelligent, beautiful women were talking about here, the pattern among them was remarkably similar: no problems attracting attention, but great difficulty in sustaining that attraction past the first few dates. Another commonality was that many were committed to either one or the other end of the spectrum: they were either functioning out of a place of rigid rules, where their spontaneity and individuality was being compressed and smothered or they were taking the opposite approach and dealing with men so openly and so honestly that they were actually doing themselves damage. Weve all been there at some point, and fortunately, the remedy once you understand it is simple.
15
With just a little self-awareness and an ability to pay attention to how youre acting around men, you can be your own safety-switch and focus on communicating with men in a way that showcases your own, individual, and unique attributes without smothering them under a layer of rules and strategies. If youve read my newsletters or any of my other books, youll know that I am absolutely against rules of any kind when it comes to dating theyre completely unnecessary. They really are. Once youve got your head around how to get in tune with your own intuition and your own understanding of what it means to really be a top-quality human being, you dont need to listen to anyone elses rules apart from your own and youll literally attract more fantastic men than you can shake a stick at. Obviously, theres a lot more to this issue than what can be covered in just these few pages. But I hope that Ive opened the door enough for you to realize that there may be more to a great philosophy on life and an approach to dating than youve previously realized and I hope youre beginning to understand that your best and most attractive quality of all is your uniqueness. Once you learn to communicate it honestly and well to the men in your life, youll know what it means to enjoy the most ground-breaking, I-never-knew-it-could-be-thisgood dating life you never knew existed and youll enjoy a lot more success in all your relationships. With love,
Mirabelle Summers MeetYourSweet.com
16
17

What Does It Mean To Be Yourself'?: All Rights Reserved © 2008

Diunggah oleh

Informasi Dokumen

Deskripsi Asli:

Judul Asli

Hak Cipta

Format Tersedia

Bagikan dokumen Ini

Bagikan atau Tanam Dokumen

Opsi Berbagi

Apakah menurut Anda dokumen ini bermanfaat?

Apakah konten ini tidak pantas?

Hak Cipta:

Format Tersedia

What Does It Mean To Be Yourself'?: All Rights Reserved © 2008

Diunggah oleh

Hak Cipta:

Format Tersedia

What Does It Mean to Be Yourself?

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com