A Masquerade by Tom Collins I rapped on Caleb's door, wondering how many strange, new dishes I'd be expected to eat

and comment on at his afternoon tea party. It would mostly be a gossip session with refreshments, but he was a great host and a terrific friend. I never missed one of his gettogethers if I could help it. An inordinate amount of time seemed to pass, so I knocked with more force. Hearing a girlish squeal from the other side of the thick oak and a muffled call of, "Coming, darling, I'm coming," I leaned against the door jam and watched the door yank inward. "I stop breathing when I'm coming. Apparently, you pant and squeal. I'm glad I found out, so I'll know what signs to look for should we ever decide to have hot, monkey sex," I laughed while he rolled his eyes, cocking his hip at me. "You just keep dreamin', Gideon darling, and maybe some day the Blue Fairy will drift down from her little star and grant your fondest wish." Stepping inside, I scooped him up in a bear hug, making him squeal again, and spun him around. He pummeled my shoulders, yelling for me to put him down, but I knew better. He loved it when I acted butch, it made him feel small and delicate. I'm not huge, but Caleb made it easy to play the macho bodybuilder because he was a featherweight. He only came to my shoulder and weighed maybe a hundred and fifteen pounds. "That's it; I'm not waiting anymore for you to say yes. I'm taking you over to that couch of yours, and I'm gonna plow you like an Amish field," I said, walking us toward the living room. His peals of laughter echoed off the cathedral ceiling. "Like an Amish field?" he demanded in a high, breathless tone. "You stay away from my Chinese silk couch, Gideon, and what in hell does that mean, anyway?" "I have no idea. I heard it from Lonnie on this last tour, but it sure sounds good, doesn't it?" I'd been out of town, touring with a couple of other comics for the last two months, and had missed my best friend terribly. I'd only be home for a week before I'd be heading out for the last leg, which would have me on the road for another month. "I'd have to say it sounds absurd. Now put me down you brute," he laughed again when I squeezed, refusing to comply. "Caleb? Is everything alright?" I heard a smoky contralto inquire from the direction of the kitchen archway. Turning, I spied a long legged, copper haired woman gliding towards us. The hems of her off-white palazzo pants fluttered around her ankles as she walked. Pausing in the archway, she smoothed her blouse down. "Oh, Em, everything's fine. Gideon and I were just saying hello. Put me down you galoot," he insisted once more. I spit his long, dishwater blonde hair out of my mouth,

and set him on his feet. My heart thumped against my ribs, and my head swirled in a sudden bout of confusion. She looked at me sidelong through her long lashes then back to Caleb. I knew I was staring at her, but I couldn't seem to break the spell. "Gideon!" Caleb said loudly, practically yelling. "Hello, earth to Gideon. I'm talking to you." I mentally shook myself out of the near trance I'd fallen into, turning my attention to my friend. "I'm trying to introduce you to Emelyne. We met about a month ago, and are becoming fast friends. I think you two will get on famously, that's why I invited her to join us this afternoon." "So, this is the infamous Gideon? Caleb never stops talking about you," the rich tones of her voice washed over me like heated honey, drawing my eyes back to her as she stepped over with her hand extended. In the mules she wore, I realized that she was almost taller than I was, and I had to glance upward to meet her eyes. Finally regaining the ability to speak, I took her hand gently and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Emelyne. If...uh...Caleb thinks we'll get along then I expect we will." "I certainly hope so. He's been singing your praises to the heavens since we met, and I've been looking forward to your coming home, and please, call me Em." I felt myself flush slightly as a charge shot up my arm and circled my chest, making it feel tight. "Em it is then. Caleb, what have you got planned for tea? Can I help you in the kitchen?" I asked, looking to him, and trying to shake off the inexplicable arousal this woman was causing. I looked back at Em when she said my name. "Could I have my hand back, please?" she asked sweetly. There was laughter hiding in her voice, and amusement shone from her azure eyes. I glanced down to see myself still holding her manicured fingers, and let go with a stammered apology as if her touch burned. If I were honest, I'd have to admit that it did, in a way that rather frightened me. "Well, we're starting with cucumber sandwiches, which will be followed by a roasted green chile, wild mushroom and Gruyere cheese quiche, and strawberry shortcake for after. I actually could use a hand, if you don't mind?" he was excited about the menu, as usual. Cooking happened to be his favorite pastime, be it in the kitchen or the bedroom he would say. "Damn, that sounds fantastic, Caleb. You know I love playing sous-chef for you," I said, kissing the top of his head and giving him a squeeze. "Yes, well...I keep trying to get him to play pool boy for me, but that's a no go so far," he said to Em, giving me his most adorable pout. "Hush you," I said, my embarrassment deepening. Turning him toward the kitchen, I smacked him squarely on the rump, sending him skipping forward a couple of steps. "Just get in there and start cooking you cheeky, little bitch." He shrieked, laughed and headed

through the archway into the kitchen. "Come on, Em, you can watch me turn him into a scullery wench." Taking her arm, I looped it through mine as if I were some sort of gallant knight, placing her soft palm on my forearm, my hand over hers. My nostrils flared, catching the scent of her perfume, and electricity shot down my spine, making my entire pelvic area tingle. This alabaster skinned beauty had completely ensnared me. This bizarre attraction was simultaneously intensely pleasurable and horrifying in the extreme. ***

The food was extraordinary, and the company was even better, but my stomach kept clenching every time I caught myself acting like a besotted ass. I couldn't keep my eyes from tracking her slender fingers every time they tucked her wavy, bob cut behind one or the other ear. Caleb looked both amused and surprised by my predicament. I knew he was dying to ask me if I'd lost my mind on this last tour, and it seemed I'd have to tell him I had. There didn't seem to be any other explanation for what was happening to me. "You swear you're going to be back in time for my masquerade party, Gideon?" Caleb's question jerked me out of my reverie. "What? Oh, yes. I'll be back the day before Halloween, so stop worrying," I replied distractedly. "Well, gentlemen, I've had a wonderful time this afternoon, and the food was exquisite, Caleb, but I really must be going. My dinner date is expecting me to meet him in twenty minutes, and I should have just enough time to get there," Em said, scooting her chair back from the patio table. "Date...dinner...bu-butbut...you've just eaten a full meal?" I stammered. I was as stunned by the fact that she planned to eat another meal as by the way my chest constricted when she said the word date. "Yes, I know. Now I'll be able to sit through a meal of him wolfing down a huge t-bone, while I pick at a dinner salad, and not feel like taking a bite out of the waiter's ass every time he passes our table. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll probably still want to do that, but not because I'm hungry for food," she chuckled, while Caleb cackled. I smiled, making myself laugh along, but I didn't find anything about her having a date with some man funny. I honestly didn't know what made me feel worse, the fact that she apparently had a boyfriend, or my reaction to the news. "I'll walk you to the door, darling." Caleb said, standing with her and coming around the table. They went inside, and I waited a couple seconds before following them. I peered around the archway, hoping for one last sight of her before she left. They were standing

on the stoop, heads close together as they whispered. I heard them laugh before embracing briefly. She spotted me, and gave a little finger wave. I jerked back, horrified that I'd been caught spying on them. The oddest thing occurred; my mind screamed that she was getting away, that I might never see her again, and I had to act now. I didn't know why, but the next thing I knew I was leaping around the corner, narrowly missing a head on collision with Caleb, and running for the door. I yanked it open and dashed out to the curb calling her name. She stopped in mid-motion, her car door open half way, and turned to look at me in surprise. "Em, look...Ican Ido you think... I mean, how serious are you with this guy you're going out with tonight?" Why in hell was I asking her that? I knew why, but I didn't want to believe it. "Umm..." she seemed taken aback by my question, not that I blamed her, I felt the same way, "Not at all, really. We've only just met, and this is our first date. Why do you want to know? Do you want to ask me out?" "Well...well, yeah. II suppose I do." "You suppose? Either you do or you don't, Gideon." "All II'm really not sureAll I know is that I want to spend more time with you before I leave town again." The warmth in her smile made my heart start beating again. "Ok. Why don't you meet me at Cuisine De Pays at one for lunch tomorrow? I'll make a reservation so we don't have to wait for a table." "Thatthat would be great...ok...fantastic!" I gushed like a fool. "Alright, it's a date then," she said, with an easy smile. She got into her car and started to close the door, but I stopped her, saying, "You're not going to eat before hand and then pick at a salad, are you?" "No, I won't. I promise," she said with a laugh and pulled me down by my shirtfront to plant a kiss on my cheek. I watched her drive away before going back inside. Shutting the door behind me, I collapsed against it, breaking out in a cold sweat and started shaking. What in hell did I just do? I asked myself, covering my face with my hands, and trying to get a hold of myself. "I can't be certain, but from the door it looked an awful lot like you were making a date with Em," Caleb said, making me jump. I hadn't realized I spoke aloud.

"Yeah, that's what I did alright. I just made a date with a woman, Caleb." He laughed at my obvious discomfort. "Oh, God. What am I going to do?" I didn't know anything about women. I'd never wanted to know anything about them. They were a complete mystery to me, a mystery I'd never had the slightest inclination to try to solve before today. "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to keep that date. There's no way I'm going to condone you standing her up, and hurting her just because you acted on an impulse that you don't understand." I felt like I was going to be sick. Caleb saw my expression and softened, coming over to me and cuddling against my chest. "Hey, calm down, darling. Look at it like this; you've just discovered that you're bi-curious, and have decided to explore that." ***

I'd never been to Cuisine De Pays before. My idea of eating out leaned more toward stopping at the Chicago Dog Stand and staking out a quiet spot in the park. A sit down restaurant would be along the lines of La Pasadita for some fajitas and Dos Equis. I didn't know what to wear, so I let Caleb dress me. He insisted I'd be happy wearing sackcloth if someone didn't do something about it. It wasn't true, of course, I'd just rather be comfortable than stylish. I was standing at the podium, promptly at one o'clock. The host hadn't found my name in his book, and I didn't find out what Em's last name was. "I'm sorry; I don't know the last name that the reservation is under. Her first name is Emelyne, if that helps?" I said, feeling anxious. "Ahhh...Ma'amselle Emelyne, but of course, she awaits you in the bar, M'sieur. Please, follow me." He guided me into the bar, and over to her. "Have a lovely meal, Ma'amselle, M'sieur. If you need anything at all, just let me know, please." "Merci, Jacques, we will." She gracefully stood up to greet me with a light kiss on the cheek, and reached for my tie while saying, "My, but you look handsome today. Handsome, but uncomfortable." I thought she would tighten my tie. Isn't that what women always do with them in the movies? Instead, she loosened it a little, and unbuttoned the top button of my shirt. "There, that's much better." Her touch at my throat made me shiver, my breath catching in my chest. I don't know what the expression on my face was, but when she looked up she flushed this time, and looked away saying, "Lord, but you do know how to flatter someone, don't you?" "I do?" I asked incredulously. Her gaze returned to mine, searching for something, sincerity perhaps, before she responded, "It's been a long time since anyone looked at me like that, Gideon," she stroked my cheek with her cool fingers. She must have seen my next question in my eyes

because she answered before I could voice it, "Like I'm the only thing in the room, in the whole world even, that you want to look at. Thank you." She spoke so softly, I unconsciously moved closer to hear her words, and she leaned in, perhaps to kiss me. I trembled with equal parts apprehension and excitement, wondering how I would respond to her. A split second before our lips met we heard a throat clear to the side, and both of our heads jerked in the direction of the sound. "Ma'amselle, so sorry to interrupt, but your table is ready." "Merci, Yves, please lead the way." "Do you speak French, Em?" "Mais oui, chri. I took lessons from Jacques three times a week for two years. He says that I'm fluent, but I've yet to have the opportunity to test my skill in the one place I want to." "That being France," I concluded. "No. The French Quarter in New Orleans," she laughed delightedly at my surprise. "I'm teasing you. New Orleans is not the place to speak or test one's French. The language is more bastardized there than it is in the backwoods of Quebec, or so Jacques told me. His family's first restaurant was there. So, yes, France is the place in my dreams, specifically Provence." We settled ourselves in, and after a brief look at the menu, I agreed to let her order for me. It turned out that this place served the sorts of foods that the regular, country folk ate in their homes on a daily basis. The food was wonderful, and considerably more affordable than I'd been expecting. We chatted lightly, speaking about whatever came to mind. Her company was as engaging as it was the day before, and by the time we'd finished our coffee I knew I had to see her again. I broached the subject as we stood next to her car. "Em," I took a deep breath, mentally girding my loins, "Can I see you again?" "Of course, what would you like to do?" "I'm not sure, but I'll think of something good, I promise." She pulled a small note pad out of her purse along with a pen and wrote on it saying, "Here's my cell number and address. As soon as you've figured out what you want to do, give me a call, and we'll decide when to do it. Ok?" I smiled, taking the paper from her and tucking it into my pocket, "I'll do that." I watched her drive away for the second time in twenty-four hours, wishing I had a reason to call her right now, just so I could hear her voice again. Sighing and shaking my head at how

pathetically smitten I was already, I walked the block to my car. I found a brightly colored flyer tucked under the driver's side wiper. A sudden surge of excitement washed over me when I read what it advertised. Climbing into my car, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, flipped it open, and dialed her number. It rang three and a half times before I heard her speak. "Uhh...Em? It's" "Gideon?" she laughed, "You can't possibly miss me already," her snort of amusement made me laugh. "Well, actually...kind of, but I do have a real reason for calling. I found a flyer on my windshield, and it says there's a carnival opening tomorrow. I thought we could go, if that sounds like fun to you? We can take in some rides, play some games, and eat some deepfried crap on a stick?" "Oh, Lord. I haven't been to a carnival since I was a kid. I can't help but think that going to one with you would be a blast. Count me in." "Great!" I interjected. "What time does it open? I have to work tomorrow night." "Says the gates open at nine a.m. How about I pick you up at ten?" "Oh, well...I have to work tonight too, and don't usually get up until then, and believe me when I say it takes some time and effort to look presentable." I didn't catch my snort in time, and she laughed loudly before insisting, "It does. You'll believe it the first time you see me with bed head, sleep crusted eyes and morning breath that would knock out a dragon." My heart stuttered in my chest at the thought that she was already thinking we'd some day wake up together. My mind was blank of any sort of response. It just whirled with images of what would occur the evening before that morning. I had to adjust my cock because my boxers were trapping it at an uncomfortable angle as it swelled. She cleared her throat, startling me out of my fantasies. "Has this just turned into a dirty phone call, Gideon?" "I'm sorry? What do you mean?" "Well, suddenly all I could hear was heavy breathing, and it sounded kind of like you were humming." "Oh, jeeze, I'm sorry, Em. My mind kind of wandered there for a second." I would swear

that I'd never blushed so much in my life as I had in the last day. "Hmm...I hope it wandered somewhere pleasant. Why don't you pick me up at noon at my place? I promise I'll be ready, and not keep you waiting." "Sounds like a plan. I can't wait." "I'll bet. You're just hoping to get me onto the Ferris Wheel so you can kiss me at the top." Her laugh had a lecherous quality that sent an erotic shiver coursing through my body, and my cock, fully awake now, gave a hard throb. "Oh, man, am I ever," I heard myself growl, and immediately felt more blood rush to my groin when her breathing hitched. "Oh my, you're going to be a real handful. I can see that now. Caleb told me a lot about you, but he never said anything about you having a voice that could be seductive enough to make me want to drop my panties after the first date. I'll expect you at twelve, chri." I heard the connection break before I could say anything. ***

We had the most incredible time at the carnival. We laughed so much that my sides were sore the next morning. We rode all the rides, even the kiddy rides that they would let us on. It turned out that the bumper cars were our favorite, and we went at least five rounds on that one, becoming experts at coordinating a two pronged attack on the other adults. She was never sexier than when she was celebrating a crushing blow to other riders that sent them skidding sideways. The complete freedom of her laughter, and the joyful whoops of triumph, enchanted me more than anything ever had. She'd seemed so cool and reserved up until that point, but now she was a firebrand bent on one thing, the destruction of the other bumper car riders. Every new part of her that I discovered only served to charm me further. I don't know if she was aware of it or not, but she already had me wrapped tightly around her delicate, little pinky. We did ride the Ferris Wheel, and I did manage to get up the nerve to kiss her at the top. There's a line from The Princess Bride, I've seen that movie at least fifty times because it's Caleb's all time favorite. He memorized the whole thing years ago, but still watches it every couple of weeks. The line in question is the last thing that Grandpa reads to the boy, "Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind." That's how our Ferris Wheel kiss was for me. It was everything that a first kiss should be, and more. They had to make us get off the ride when neither of us noticed it end. "Why don't you kiss me like that anymore?" I heard a slightly dumpy, fiftyish woman in line ask a man who was sporting an impressive beer gut. "I'd kiss you like that if you still looked as good as she does," he said, staring at Em as we passed them.

I cringed and Em gasped in outraged. I couldn't keep from turning to look at them. I call it Homorubberneckus, the inability to prevent your self from gawking at a horrific accident. Whether you notice it's about to happen, or are witnessing the aftermath, you can't help but stare. He'd said it loud enough that most of the people in line heard him. The woman looked thunderstruck. "I know someone who won't be getting any for quite some time," a fellow about five spots back said just as loudly. The line broke out in laughter, some of the men cat calling after him. "I feel terrible for that poor woman," Em said as we wandered off down the fairway, my arm around her shoulders. "I feel sorry for him," I said. Em looked horrified until I continued, "Just think how long he's gonna be in the doghouse for that one comment. How many roses and boxes of candy is he going to have to buy? And even when he thinks she's let it go she'll still be holding it over his head. When he least expects it she'll pull it out of her arsenal. Five years from now they'll be having an argument about something or other, maybe he's tired of having meatloaf every Saturday night or something, and she'll shriek, 'Well, why don't you just have your little Ferris Wheel strumpet cook your dinner from now on!' and he'll be completely flummoxed. He won't have a clue what in hell she's talking about, and out of the blue it's turned into World War Three in their dinning room. I can see the poor bastard in my mind. There he is, trying to dodge her verbal scud missiles and smart bombs, but he won't have a prayer." Em was giggling helplessly by this point, "It'll be no holds barred. She'll bring up every grievance she's ever had and he'll be thinking, 'All I said was the green beans were a little salty.' while she's yelling about how he ogled her bride's maids at the reception." Em looked to be on the verge of collapse. "Stop!" she squealed breathlessly, pounding my chest. She looked around desperately for a second then streaked off to a near by Port-A-John. Luckily, it happened to be unoccupied. I followed her over and leaned against the side to wait for her. When she came out, she conceded defeat on which of the two deserved our sympathy. I tried to win her a huge panda at the dart booth, but I only managed the medium sized camel before giving up. She kept distracting me by rubbing against me or blowing in my ear while I was trying to concentrate. We wound up leaving later than we should have, but she didn't seem to care that she was going to be late for work. I walked her to her door, and we shared another mind-bending kiss on her stoop. She invited me in to keep her company while she got ready, but I told her that if I went inside with her she'd never get to work. ***

We spent as much of our waking hours over the next two days together as our schedules would allow. She had her evening job, and I had a couple of local shows to do. On my last night in town, neither of us had to work, so we rented a movie, and she came over to my place to cook me dinner. She turned out to be a very good cook, and certainly know what to do with a lamb chop. She put the most wonderful mint and rosemary glaze on them before putting them under the broiler. I didn't even know I had a broiler until I saw her use it. Fifteen minutes into the movie, we were making out like teenagers on my couch. I was terrified and horny as hell. I felt like I'd been in a mild to intense state of arousal since I met Em, and here she was lying on top of me, locked in another one of our Ferris Wheel kisses. I was panting as if I'd just run the hundred yard dash when she disengaged and slid down my chest a little. She bit the top two buttons off my shirt and spit them across the room, I growled low in my throat as my hips ground up into her firm stomach. She jerked my shirt apart from there, sending buttons flying, and dove down on my nipples. I wanted to touch her, but I was scared I would do it wrong, so I pulled the back of her shirt up to caress her back and tease her spine. She slid further down, and my hands traveled up her back, encountering her bra strap. The fact that I couldn't figure out how to work the closure really brought home to me just how foreign the territory I'd strayed into was. I gave up, deciding to let her do it herself, at the same instant that she slid down further, pressing her face into my jean-clad crotch and exhaling hard. The hot breath penetrating my boxers and diffusing over my rigid shaft made my dick jump and start leaking. I'd heard that it pissed women off when men grabbed their heads, so I clutched the cushions and panted, trying not to thrust at her too hard. "I didn't know if you'd want to do this," I said, my voice husky with lust. "Are you kidding? I love giving head as much as receiving," she said with a grin while she opened my jeans and nuzzled her face into the vee, mouthing my shaft through my shorts. "Yeah, well, I don't know much about women, Em, but I've heard plenty of straight men complain that they don't like it." She raised her head, giving me a strange look. "I should probably tell you, before we get too far into this, that I'm not really bi. I've never been with a woman before." She sat up on the edge of the couch, appearing stunned. I could see that she was trying to figure out what to say, but nothing came out. I moved to sit next to her, cupping her cheek in my hand and turning her face to get her to look at me. "I think we need to wait a while before we take this relationship to the next level. I think you need to be absolutely certain that you want me, Gideon," she said quietly. "I want to be with you, Em. I think you're an incredible person, warm, smart, funny. You're everything I've ever wanted. I thought love at first sight was a poetic myth until I

laid eyes on you." "Still, I feel like we should wait until you get back, at least. It'll give you some time away from me to decide if you really feel the way you think you do. What you should do is figure out if it's really me that you're attracted to or if it's the female body. If all you're wanting is to have a fling with a woman to see what it's like then you should do that, but you can't do it with me." I tried to protest, but she hushed me, "Let me finish, please. While you're out there on the road, look at the women and ask yourself if you have any interest in them. Listen to your body and see if it tells you that you're attracted to the pretty girls you'll see at your shows, if you'd like to sleep with them. If you discover that you feel about them the way you always have, but you still want to be with me then I'll be certain it's me you want." I watched as she stood and collected her purse. Getting up, I followed her to the door. "You have to understand, Gideon, that I can't let myself invest more into this relationship if it's going to turn out that you're just wanting to explore your sexuality, and don't realize it until it's too late," she said half out the door already. Giving me a soft kiss, she turned to go. "Can I call you, at least?" I asked, the dejection I felt ringing clear in my voice. "Yes, of course, chri," she replied, looking over her shoulder. ***

The next month was slow torture. I spent my days laying around my motel room, or sitting by myself on the bus as we rolled down the road to the next set of shows. I called her from the green rooms or from the motel every night. The sound of her voice inevitably turned me on, and I'd be like a rock at the end of our conversations. I normally shower in the morning, but I started taking them right after getting off the phone with Em so I could jack off without making a mess. She would ask me about once a week if I'd seen any pretty girls. I'd tell her that I had, but that none of them interested me, which was true. Any time I wasn't on the phone with her, or on the stage performing, I was reading one of several books I'd bought on all the ways to pleasure a woman, and was becoming more comfortable with the idea. Not just of doing it, but of doing it right, so it would be good for her. The strange thing was that it all seemed rather unpleasant if I wasn't directly relating it to Emelyne. Perhaps this was the proof she needed that it was she and not just her body that I wanted, but it made me worry even more. When it came down to the wire, would I be able to perform? I was anxious to get home, but it seemed that Fate itself conspired against me. Possibly the worst rain and hailstorm I've ever experienced forced us off the Interstate due to a washed out bridge. We had to detour on side roads for nearly a hundred miles, and couldn't do more than forty miles an hour. I'd told Caleb that I'd be home tomorrow, and I

still had hope until one of the rear duelies blew. Here I was, stranded in the middle of nowhere, miles from the nearest services, and it was raining like Judgment Day. I spent about fifteen minutes out in the rain screaming, kicking clods of mud, and pounding the side of the bus with my fists before I'd worked out enough of my frustration to be civil with my busmates. When I climbed the steps, the guys were looking at me warily, never having seen me act like that. "You need ta get laid, Gideon," Lonnie said. I looked at him, "Why do you think I'm so pissed about this, Lon? I'm on my way home to see my girlfriend. We'd only been dating for a week when I had to come back on the road, which was just long enough to work up a nice set of blue balls." "Girlfriend?" Jessie said incredulously, "I thought you were gay, man." "Yeah, I am. What's your point?" I asked with a grin. "Oh, I get it..." Lonnie said, chuckling, "He done fell for one of the Trasvestment type girls." Lonnie might be from southern Alabama, but he was amazingly open-minded about most everything. He was also one of the funnies guys I'd ever known and had the 'I'm a dumbassed hick' act down pat. He always managed to sucker Jessie into correcting him because Jessie was a serious pothead, and frequently slow on the uptake. He also happened to be about ten years younger than either of us. "It's not Transvestment, butthead, it's Transvestite," Jessie said, correcting him for the fifth time today. "'Er ya sure 'bout dat, Jess? 'Cause I'd'a sworn it was Transvestment. I thought it came from them transformin' they's selves from boys ta girls by changin' they's vestments?" he asked, utterly deadpan. I was trying to laugh without them hearing because I wanted to see how long Lonnie could string him along this time, but I felt like I was going to bust a lung. "Nah, man, that ain't" Jessie saw me out of the corner of his eye and his head turned. He looked at me for a second, as if he was trying to figure something out, turned back to Lonnie and then did a classic double take, his head whipping back to me, eyes wide with sudden realization. "Awww, man, not again! That's it, I'm kickin' yer old ass, Lonnie," he said, as he got up from his seat, "And yer next, Gideon," he threatened, giving me the finger. "What in hell did I do?" I asked through my guffaws. "You helped him set me up, man. All that bullshit about dating a girl, that's fucked up, man," Lonnie looked like he was on the verge of wetting his pants.

I got control of myself and said, "I wasn't lying about that, Jess. I really am dating a woman, and she's terrific. Musta caught "the straight" from Lon, or something. I need to call my girl and let her know I'm going to be late getting into town. Excuse me, guys," I said, and moved to the back of the bus to sit on my bed for some privacy. "Bonjour, chri, you're calling early today." "Hey, baby. I've got some bad news. The bus is broke down on the side of the road, and it's looking like we won't be getting in when we thought. If we do get in tomorrow it'll be really late, but I'm betting we won't be in until the day after tomorrow." "Oh, Gideon, I was looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." "I know, baby, I was looking forward to seeing you too. I've really missed you, but there's no helping it. The driver's talking to a cop right now, getting him to call a tow truck, but I don't think the tires will be fixed before morning." "Well," she said with a sigh, "I don't suppose that one day makes a difference in the scheme of things. I was just hoping...that we..." Em's words trailed off, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I couldn't help chuckling. "Yeah, I know, baby. I have to confess that I'm pretty nervous about that. It's sort of strange, Em, because when I think about a woman...you know...the uuh...the female parts in a purely generic sense... Well, to be honest, it's unpleasant to think about, but when I think about you, baby, just you in a sort of amorphous way I get hard as a rock in seconds," I held my breath, wondering how she would react to this. "Hmmm...you're saying that you've become certain that you're not attracted to women at all, but you don't care that I'm one because you want to be with me, the person?" I couldn't decide if she sounded pleased by this. "Yes, that's what I'm saying, Em. I'm completely taken with you, and gender has ceased to be an issue. I bought a bunch of books so I could teach myself how to make love to a woman." "Oh God, chri...you did that for me? I don't know what to say. That's so sweet, so thoughtful. You didn't have to do that, Gideon," she sounded like she was on the verge of tears. "I did have to, Em. I want it to be good for you. You won't be able to relax and enjoy it if you have to guide me through the whole experience. Besides, I did it for me too. You think I want the embarrassment of being totally ignorant the first time out of the gate?" I asked with a laugh. "That would be a sure way to wind up impotent and incapable of doing it."

"But still..." she said, sniffing loudly and making it clear that she'd been crying, "It must have been very unpleasant. I shudder when I think of the pictures you must have been looking at," she laughed weakly. "Some of it was, yes, but it wasn't too bad when I related it directly to you. I have to admit that I learned a lot though, and most, if not all, of the positions I discovered in the Kama Sutra would be applicable regardless of gender." "Is that so?" she sounded intrigued now. "Yes, there are several that I definitely want to try," I replied huskily. The sound of her voice, so sultry, and the subject matter had my cock throbbing. "Shit!" she exclaimed, "I'm going to be late for work. I'm sorry, chri, but I have to run. Will you pick me up for Caleb's party?" "Uuh...well, I'm not sure that's a good idea, baby." "Why?" "Honestly? If I pick you up we'll never make it to the party and then Caleb will be pissed at me because I promised him I'd be there." She laughed in her usual, musical way, "You're a terrible, wicked man, Gideon. Ok, I'll meet you there then, since you'll be too likely to rip my clothes off if we're alone together." "You don't know the half of it, baby." "Stop now...I have to go, and you're deliberately getting me riled. I'll see you at the party, and I'll miss you until then." "I'll miss you too. See you then." I heard a final chuckle as I pulled the phone away from my ear to hang up. ***

"Oh, hell no! There is no way I'm wearing that, Caleb!" "Oh, pleasepleasepleaseplease...please, Gideon?" "I can't believe you picked out that costume for me. I was going to pick one up today." "Oh, puhlease! There is no way you'll be able to find anything worth wearing today of all days. Besides, if I let you pick your costume you'll put on a hideous sweater and come as a straight stand up comic. You'll spend the whole party pretending to be a homophobe

and telling atrocious jokes. Honestly, Gideon, there's only so many times a person can hear, 'Two fags back into a bar...'" he said. I could practically hear his eyes roll and couldn't keep from laughing. "Hey, Tony loves that joke." "Tony smokes too much dope, darling. There's very little left upstairs for him to work with. Maybe we should try to hook him up with that friend of yours, what's his name...Jesse? At least he'd have someone with similar interests to talk to for a change," he declared with a disgusted snort. "Yeah, you've got a point there, but Jesse's straight." "Never mind about them right now, Gideon, we're supposed to be talking about you. You'll be the Belle of the Ball in this costume, darling, and we'll be a matched set," he pulled out his big guns, his pleading puppy look; he knew it was almost impossible for me to say no to him when he did. "The operative word being 'belle'. Why couldn't I be Robin?" "There weren't any Robins left. All I could find was this one and Will." "Then I'll be Will." "That won't work, darling. First off, the costume is sized for me, not you, and secondly, Will was a fop and you could never pull that off." "But I could pull off a woman?" "If you're in anything resembling pants you'll keep acting butch. With you dressed up like Maid Marion, you'll be in a dress, and that will keep you in character. Please, Gideon?" he pleaded, giving me that look again and cuddling up to me. "I don't want to be Will on my own, and I couldn't find any other Robin Hood character costume that would fit you. You're very average sized and all that was left were oddball sizes, either way too large or far too small." I growled in the back of my throat, "You're such a passive aggressive bully." His whoops of elation almost made me smile. He spent the next four hours doing truly heinous things to me. Waxing and shaving hair, putting weird, smelly stuff on my face then peeling it off, pinning my hair down under a skull cap. He loved every minute of it and I hated it. By the time he was done, I looked nothing like myself. The corset was killing me, but there was no getting around it since it was an integral part of the costume. He'd at least been kind enough not to pull it too tight, so I wasn't having too much trouble breathing.

I spent the next hour alternately watching television and his progress in getting himself ready. He certainly looked the part in his scarlet silk costume, lace hankie and crossed swords on his back. As we set out the last of the starter hors d'oeuvres, the doorbell rang for the first time. I was fighting with the veils on my stupid hat when Caleb came bouncing back in with Adrien and Howie dressed as Catherine and Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. Every year those two would pick a different classic novel; Adrien always took the female part because Howie refused to wear a dress. I knew I'd be catching serious shit from him over my costume. The look on his face when I sauntered over to him, batting my fake lashes, was almost worth the jibes I'd be getting all night. "Something's wrong with this picture," Adrien said, looking between Caleb and I. "Tell me about it. I'm too butch to play a queer, apparently. I think he just wanted an excuse to make my shave my pits," I responded, raising my arm to show them my denuded underarm through the slit in the sleeve. Howie immediately started laughing. I rolled my eyes heavenward, and went into the kitchen to get the huge, punch bowl, cups and ladle for the Sangria. After the first two, people started arriving in large groups or trickled through the door in ones and twos. All of the costumes were flashy and wonderful. The strangest set of costumes that I saw was on Jesse and Tony. It seemed they'd met at one of our shows a month ago and Tony invited Jesse to the party then. They'd apparently gotten together earlier over at Tony's place, painted each other olive green with red and brown streaks, including they're jockeys, and then wrapped each other in yards of cellophane. When questioned they proclaimed that they were quart ounces of Acapulco Gold and Thai Stick. Getting him alone for a minute, I asked Jesse if he realized that Tony probably considered they were on a date. Jesse said, "Don't worry about it, man, he's cool. Do ya think he'd hook me up if I let him blow me?" "Probably not, but he might if you blew him," he made a face. "Blech...I'd rather fuck 'em." "What? I thought you were straight?" "Hey, man, a hole's a hole, and we're talkin' about weed. If doin' a hole gets me a new connection for primo shit then I'm there, man. And don't fuckin' look at me like that, Gideon. I know what yer thinkin'. That it's cold that I'd use him like that, but he'd be usin' me just as much. It'd be a symbiotic relationship; ya dig? I'd be getting' what I want, he'd be gettin' what he wants, we'd both have a new buddy and everybody'd be happy." I just shook my head and went back to mingling. Finding Tony at the wet bar, I thought to warn him about Jesse. They were both my friends, but I'd known Tony a hall of a lot longer. His reaction shouldn't have surprised me, I suppose.

"No shit? He told you that? Wow, thanks for passing the word, Gideon, you're a true friend. Gonna get some tonight," he practically sang the last sentence, and started whistling Mack the Knife as he grabbed their drinks and headed for Jesse. Again, all I could do was shake my head in astonishment and circulate some more. Sylvia, a transsexual who'd yet to see the sharp side of the knife where the 'boys' were concerned, had a perfect Dolly Parton going. The enormous breast implants and equally huge, blonde wig definitely helped, since they made it difficult to focus on anything else; the effect was almost hypnotic. I was chatting with her about how uncomfortable my corset was when I heard the distinct sound of Em's laughter behind me. I turned just as she said, "Oh my God...I can't believe he got you into a dress." I froze when I saw her. "That little bitch lied to me," I said indignantly, "He told me he couldn't find a Robin Hood costume when there was no way he'd have gotten me one if he could because he knew that's what you were coming as. You two planned this between you, right?" I took her in, and caught myself faintly wondering which the illusion was, the man standing in front of me, or the woman I'd kissed on the Ferris Wheel. She crossed the ten feet separating us, "No, chri, I had no idea what costume he would pick for you. He asked me what I planned on coming as and I told him I was going to be Errol Flynn in his role of Robin Hood. I actually expected him to get you Will Scarlett, or maybe Little John. This never crossed my mind, I swear." "He's a twisted, little shit. He's playing Will tonight," I said, pulling her against me and seized her mouth for a hello kiss. Holding her tightly, caressing her back, I decided that I liked the way she felt without a bra breaking the smooth lines of her spine and ribs. I was nearly lost in her taste when Sylvia violently cleared her throat to get my attention. When I broke the kiss to look at her she said, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your new boyfriend, Gideon? Where have you been hiding him, anyway?" I looked into Em's eyes, while I responded, "I'll introduce you as soon as I'm ready to share her company," I took her hand and lead her to the refreshment table. On the way, I whispered, "You look fantastic in those tights, by the way." "I do?" "You know you do," I said with a grin. I spotted Caleb across the room and caught his attention so that I could shake my finger at him as if he were an errant child. He snickered and looked very proud of himself. As we circled the refreshment table, picking out choice tidbits, I began noticing little things about her that raised questions, and caused a gradually deepening suspicion to set

it. Her hands reaching for crescent pastry; they seemed slender and delicate next to mine, but compared to another woman's? Her deep, smoky laughter; it wasn't unheard of for a woman to have a deep voice, but I'd known men who could be mistaken for a woman if you weren't looking at them when they spoke. She deliberately bumped her slim hip against mine, joggling my plate on purpose; she was slender, almost breast less, but plenty of women had a boyish figure. The look on her face that last night flashed into my mind's eye; at the time I'd thought she was stunned to find out I'd never been with a woman, but what if her surprise came from finding out that I thought she was a woman and she didn't know how to tell me she wasn't? All of it was circumstantial, but when put together with Caleb's reaction to me asking her out that first day, these facts shaped themselves into an equation that just might add up to a different sum than I'd believed. Speaking softly into the shell of her ear, I told her that I desperately wanted a moment alone with her, would she mind coming into one of the bedrooms where it would be quiet. Letting her precede me into the room, I shut and locked the door before gently guiding her over to the bed. I looked her over closely, noting all the small details, facial features that undisguised by makeup now, shape of shoulders and hips, the fingers nervously fiddling with the bowstring cutting across the flat chest, taking it all in. She had a strange, almost frightened, look in her eyes as she stood there. "Gideon" "Shhhh...not yet, Em." Stepping forward, I got her to sit, knelt in front of her, and let my hands roam up her ribs to her chest, feeling carefully the whole way. I didn't detect any constraining garments under the close fitting tunic, but I did feel a flat, masculine chest, and I actually felt his nipples harden under my thumbs. Looking up into his Mediterranean blue eyes, I couldn't hide my smile. "I knew it," I said. "When?" he asked, the breath he'd been holding gushing out of his lungs. "Just now, at the refreshment table, but I wasn't positive. At that point it wasn't more than suspicion, but it explained my inexplicable attraction to a woman." "I thought you knew because of the way you were acting toward me. I knew you were gay from Caleb, and he knew my gender, so I concluded that you did." "I know, Em, I figured that out after rethinking what was said in my living room. I'm not upset, not in the least. By the way, what's your name?" "Emelyne is my taken name, my given name is Emory."

"Emory...that's nice. I like both, and having people call you Em is smart," I said with a chuckle. I was looking at him, really seeing all of him, the man under the woman's mask, the femininity that allowed him to portray a woman so successfully. I saw both Emelyne and Emory, the two together were just Em in my eyes now. I saw one complete person and I wanted him more than ever. His eyes dilated suddenly, "You're looking at me that way again...like you did in Cuisine De Pays," he breathed. "Am I?" he nodded, "I guess that's because I don't want to look at or be with anyone but you for the foreseeable future." He made a strange sound of longing in the back of his throat and slid into my lap. Wrapping my arms around him, I met him halfway in a Ferris Wheel kiss. We locked in a sweet, slow waltz of tongues, lingering caresses of lips, while our bodies moving against and with each other's. I don't know how long we stayed like this, but I finally broke the embrace out of frustration. "I can't stand it," I panted, "I can't feel your body with mine through this damned dress. Help me out of it, baby." "Should we be doing this here?" he asked, looking worriedly at the locked door, while helping me with the catches on the corset as I pulled my hat off. That hat had been pissing me off since Caleb put it on me; I threw it across the room. It made the most phenomenal bang when it hit the door. "Yes, right here, right now and I don't give a flying rat's ass who hears us." Just then, someone knocked on the door, startling us both. "Is everyone alright in there?" we heard a muffled voice ask. "Yes, everything's fine," I answered. "Are you" "Go away!" I thundered as the last two hooks came loose. We heard a startled squeal and the sound of spiked heels clacking quickly away on the hard wood floor. "That was mean, chri," Em giggled, "Who was it anyway?" "Sylvia...umm...Dolly? We were talking when you got here. I don't care if it was mean, she was hanging around hoping we'd come back out soon so she could try to glom onto you. She likes the pretty boys," I finished and stood to pull the gown over my head. I dropped it and knelt back down while working the skullcap off and digging the pins out of my hair.

"Fat chance, those things on her chest are as big as a baby's head," he snorted, "You think I'm pretty?" "Quit fishing for compliments, baby," he chuckled at my response as I mussed my hair to make it feel more natural, and pulled him into my lap. Grabbing the pointed bill of his cap, I flicked it away. "Oh" he squeaked watching it fly before I captured his mouth, kissing him hard. I could feel his body with mine now, and it stoked the fire into a roaring blaze. His hard on and his belt buckle were both pressing into my bare stomach. I slid my hands down, cupping his firm ass, and rolled my hips against his, rubbing our straining shafts together through my boxers and his tights. I slid one hand into the back of his tights, while reaching around with the other to get his belt off. I played my fingers along his crack as I tossed his belt to the side. Wrapping my arm around him again, I slid my hand under his tunic and trailed my fingers up his spine. The fingers of my other hand delved into his warm cleft, seeking a bundle of nerves hidden within. He panted into my mouth, each breath a whine of need. I found the hot, crinkled flesh I was looking for, and pressed my fingertips against it firmly, massaging in tight, little circles. His pelvis thrust into my abs, and I could feel his thighs quivering where they pressed against my hips as he grunted loudly. His head fell back onto the bed, his chest bowed up and his hips twisted and ground his ass against my pulsing cock. I needed to see all of him. I got him out of his costume as quickly as I could without damaging it, tossing the various pieces without regard for where they came to rest. He was beautiful, his face flushed, and his chest heaving and damp with sweat, nipples small, flat disks peaked in hard pebbles, his abs tight and his cock, slightly curved toward his stomach. I wanted to consume all of him at once, and couldn't decide where to begin. I stopped thinking and did whatever came to mind, starting with his nipples. I dragged the flat of my tongue over one then the other, sucking and biting lightly between swirling licks. His hands were clutching my back and running through my hair, while he humped against my stomach, caught in the clutches of need. I couldn't wait much longer; I desperately wanted to sink myself into him. I got him to turn around, pushing his shoulders up onto the bed. Pulling his cheeks apart, I dove in, not wasting any time. My tongue immediately breeched his outer muscles, eliciting a constant stream of mewls that grew louder by the second. I worked his pucker hard with my tongue and fingers, needing to get him ready for me a quickly as possible. Soon neither of us could wait any longer. "Gideon...puh-please..." he pleaded between sobbing breaths. His whole body shook as if from a violent chill. Lifting myself up, I pushed my boxers to my knees, and pulled him over my lap by his hips. He hovered above my streaming cock, while I smeared my precum over the shaft. I'd only rubbed the spongy, mushroom head over his hole a couple times when he suddenly lunged down onto me. I grunted in surprise, and heard his

wavering keen as his ass slapped against my pelvis. "Shit, Em," I said, clutching him so he wouldn't move, "Did you hurt yourself?" I could feel his body adjusting itself around my aching shaft and almost couldn't keep from thrusting. "No...God no!" he growled, as he began rolling his hips as if he was astride a horse at a fast walk, "Oh damn, chri...fu-uck me...h-hard," he demanded, somewhere between a groan and a growl. Such a raw demand made in my sweet, soft-spoken Em's sultry contralto broke the last shred of my control. Raising my ass off my heels, I clutched his hips and surged into him hard. I rode him fast, and a quavering wail exploded from his lungs every time my cock hammered over his prostate. My balls were beginning to pull up, and a tingling spread down the insides of my thighs and over my ass as a tightening sensation built in my stomach. Reaching around, I took the slick head of his heavily drooling cock in my hand and rotated my fist around it, matching the speed of my thrusting hips. His body clamped down on my swelling shaft and quivered in ripples that tried to pull me deeper into his burning depths just as the rest of him froze. I felt his cock pulse in my hand a second before the first jet burst into my palm and through my fingers. His sudden stillness ended as abruptly as it had begun and he writhed on my cock, his tight ass milking me. My own orgasm hit like a blinding cannon barrage, ripping through me with an intensity that verged on pain. Our individual cries of mutual release blended into a chorus of sound that must have traveled through the whole house. I came back to myself lying on Em's back, his torso still braced on the foot of the bed. Grazing my palms over his abs and up to his chest, I cupped his pecs and stroked his nipples, while trailing a string of open mouthed kissed across his shoulders to the nap of his neck. He shuddered almost imperceptibly, and looked over his shoulder, smiling sleepily at me. "Let's crawl up on the bed and rest, baby," I suggested, gently disengaging myself from his heat, making him groan softly. Music started playing in the living room, and I realized that I hadn't heard any for a while. I laughed involuntarily. When Em asked what was funny I told him, and laughed harder when he turned bright red. Once we'd settled ourselves on in the middle of the bed, we cuddled and talked quietly about nothing in particular until I thought to ask how Caleb had known Em's gender when I hadn't twigged to it. It turned out that they'd met at a drag club downtown. They'd been there to see a mutual friend perform and he introduced them between shows. Our conversation meandered into other areas, "I had to have unconsciously known you were a man all along. You know why?" "Why's that, chri?" he asked, nuzzling his soft lips against the stiffening peak of one of

my nipples. "Because I was so attracted to you that even your perfume turned me on, and I usually hate cologne made for women. It's just too sweet and flowery for me," I replied, making a slight face. His hearty laughter startled me, "Sweet, sexy man," he said, kissing me softly several times. "I wear male pheromone cologne underneath whatever perfume I happen to decide on for the day. It puts the straight men off and attracts the gay boys, though neither group understands why," he winked and laughed again at my expression. "Of course, it does confuse the straight ladies as well." I couldn't stand it, I rolled him onto his back and proceeded to tickle him breathless saying, "You're a devious, little daemon, Emory. You're evil, and must be destroyed." After a while we felt recharged enough to return to the party, and I asked him if he'd slip down the hall and get my street clothes from Caleb's bed because there was no way I would put that dress back on. He seemed nervous about leaving the room alone, but after I checked to see if the coast was clear for him, he hurried down and back. It didn't take long to make myself mostly presentable. We made a quick stop in the bathroom to clean up a little bit before joining the crowd of revelers. I led Em through the press of people toward the refreshments, my arm around his back, my hand cupping his hip. Just a couple of feet into the room, the people began noticing us, and parting like the Red Sea before Moses. The music became nearly inaudible, submerged under murmurs, giggles and snickers. Em was clearly mortified. "Don't let it bother you, baby," I whispered to him, "They're all jealous because I've got the prettiest, and smartest person in the state on my arm after having made boisterous love to him, while all they got to do was listen," he flushed and grinned then nuzzled my ear and kissed my jaw. Caleb met us at the refreshments, "Where's your costume?" he demanded. "It's in the spare bedroom. There was no way I was going to squeeze myself back into that damned thing. I don't feel like being uncomfortable the rest of the night, and everyone's seen me in the damned thing anyway. Besides, you have Robin Hood here to keep your costume company." He pouted at me, and I shook my head, "Don't even bother. It's not going to work this time. This is just the beginning of what you owe me for that little trick you played on me." Seeing that I meant it, he gave up. "What did I do?" "Don't try to play innocent. You know exactly what I'm talking about, Caleb. By the way, I've got a little present for you."

He looked extremely suspicious, but asked what it was. I told him to wait there and went out to the driveway to my car. When I got back, Caleb was introducing Em around. Em seemed to have gotten over his embarrassment, and looked to be having a good time becoming acquainted with our friends. "Here, these are for you," I said, handing Caleb a small stack of books. The look on his face as he read the titles was the funniest thing I'd seen in days. "The Low Down on Going Down: How to Give Her Mind-Blowing Oral Sex, The Joy of Sex and The Kama Sutra? Why are you giving me these?" he said, sounding completely disgusted, and tried to give them back to me. Refusing to take them I said, "Those are your punishment for letting me think that Emory was a woman, when you knew perfectly well he wasn't. I read those books cover to cover twice because I didn't want to make a fool of myself in bed. I expect you to read them cover to cover at least once, as payback." His expression was becoming more comical by the second, and everyone in our part of the room was tittering and snickering. "Not only that, you have to study the pictures...in detail. You'll get these back after you've passed a test on the material contained in those books," I finished, holding up his VHS and DVD copies of The Princess Bride. He squawked and tried to snatch them from me, but I held them over my head while everyone around us roared with laughter at his feeble attempts to wrest his one addiction back from me. He wouldn't get them for some time.