I was gonna sit here and make a paragraph instead of answering outright whether or not I would be sleeping over

in order to spite you, and then finally conclude with a confirmation. However, I couldn't figure out something to write about, so I'll just aimlessly blabber on about how offended I am that you singled me out about my partially meritorious and genuinely comical comments on previous posts being spam and maybe touch briefly upon how excited I am to come to this afterprom party, despite my reservations about attending prom and, god help me, pre-prom. Take note that the following will have some major digressions in addition to the major topics above outlined. Speaking of pre-prom, I don't really know how pre-prom (or actual prom, for that matter) works, so if anyone had the patience to read through all of this text, could they maybe answer a few of my questions regarding pre-prom (not here, obviously, as that would likely constitute spam and would be frowned upon by Maxine)? Slight digression: these are actually legitimate questions that I want the answers to, but in this context will likely not be answered, which is kinda dumb in retrospect; I probably could have thought of that before I started all of this. Anyway, my questions are as follows: is pre-prom just generally for the purpose of standing on someone's front lawn and putting your arm around your prom date for photos? Is that the only purpose?, Can I bring my prom date (rant on that in an upcoming paragraph) to the pre-prom, assuming I am invited myself?, and if I can, finally, should I? I mean, I don't really even like her that much and it might be weird to have all these prom pictures with me and my friends with someone my friends don't even know. Opinions and/or factual responses would be greatly appreciated, although obviously not on this forum (private message, post on this group with my name tagged, fax, or owl are all acceptable.) Another slight digression: my mention of owl as a form of acceptable communication is actually incredibly interesting, if I do say so myself. I mean, I just thought about it and they actually used to use avian awesomeness to transport messages back in the day, so it has to actually work. I think I'm going to train animals to send my messages from now on. It will serve multiple purposes: I could send love letters via cute animals, endearing me to my girlfriend, possibly to the point of, well, valuable return. Sending messages via owl will probably not make me feel like Harry Potter (or, you know, any witch/wizard as a whole), but it would be a pretty badass feeling to send off an owl with important documents. Lastly, I could use the owl to transport questionable materials and packages across state lines without the prying censorship of the PATRIOT Act. I'm sure there has to be some page on the internet regarding training animals, pigeons, owls, etc. to carry messages. Another huge digression while we're at it: why the hell would anyone in the magical world choose a cat or a mouse as their pet/compatriot? Cats are cool and I have two, but having an owl actually enables you to freely deliver messages. And a rat? That could easily turn out to be more literal than symbolic and you may find yourself harboring a criminal with a base character. Some magical persons are just so dumb sometimes. Back to the owl thing: I'm pretty sure people still do this. You know the cages on the rooftops of those cities? SOME people HAVE to be using them for postal service. That or I just will not have any faith left in humanity. One time, when I was playing a pirated copy of Assassin's Creed II (set in Italy during the Italian Renaissance), I was running around the rooftops free-running it up as Ezio Auditore, wealthy assassin living in Italy at the time, and I came across these pigeon coops, where my character actually received letters and such. Assassin's Creed II is pretty historically accurate, and I think Ubisoft did a really good job in capturing the feel of the time period, so I trust it.

Okay so back to prom... Oh god, I don't even know how to address this, but for the sake of everyone in this group feeling comfortable and reducing awkwardness, I'll omit certain grievances I have and elect to complain about my prom date instead. So as some background, I work for the school district (technically speaking, I work for the government--I had my fingerprints taken and shit), teaching predominantly Asian children to swim while my body gets prunier and my mind slips softly away into the oblivion of insanity. Between inadvertently drinking some putrid, but chilly urine and chlorine solution and being repeatedly pelted in the genitals by near-drowning children's heels and fists for 12.50 an hour, I found myself having to divert the comments of a girl in her senior year at Hicksville High School, despite their lack of discretion and tendency to induce awkwardness. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I pretended she never told me things like "You always look nice", followed by a long, silent pause and stare and carried on normal conversation, which she must have interpreted as passive acknowledgement and progress on her part. Feeling confident, she asked me to go to her prom with her. Feeling a mixture of pity, uncomfortableness, and irritation at her asking me (as she knew I was dating someone), I said yes, on the condition that we go to my prom instead of hers. Instantly regretting my decision, as I could have been doing any number of productive things on June twentywhatever ranging from sharpening my pocketknife so I can thrust it into tables whenever I am incensed like they do in those movies, inhaling glue products, or, you know, going to prom with my own girlfriend, I tried finding ways to avoid going. Subtly, I would try to employ reverse psychology on this woman, often telling her "I'm so sorry to burden you with this prom thing; are you sure you still want to go?" When that proved unsuccessful, as she was now convinced I had romantic interest in her, I would tell her extensively about my girlfriend and how much I wanted to take her to prom, if only neither of us had dates. While she did not revoke the prom status, it did cause her to avoid me, often hiding verbally (by mumbling hello as I walked by avoiding all extensive conversation), and even physically (hiding behind coworkers, I kid you not). Drastic times call for drastic measures, so I am now planning to prolong the contract signing business in order to "inconveniently" miss the deadline. You may call me cruel, but at least I didn't just decide to hit her in the cranium with a wooden baseball bat and place her in a shallow grave. Of course, my pre-prom concerns, if I have any, will be carried into the prom arena, as I will not only have to ask my girlfriend's prom date if I can dance with my girlfriend during the slow songs, refraining from enjoying the physical contact between us in an effort to seem less unfair, but I will also have to abandon my prom date in a dark, clammy room filled with rowdy people she doesn't know. Thankfully, I work with Alex Druckman and the like, so my prom date is acquainted with the person I am going to dump her on. Finally, my problems should (in theory) dissolve with the afterprom party, which, I guess, should be the central thesis of my "prose". I feel like I may have misunderstood Maxine's prior post about the nature of this party. While I interpreted her comments as an incredibly moderate compromise between the self-righteous Mormons and the obnoxious thrill seekers who are using Maxine for an unsupervised rendezvous and domicile for one night, it seems like the rules favor the former. Former me would be incredibly disappointed because, while alcohol is in no way a necessity for having a good time, it does allow, in responsible quantities, for an even better time. Fact. However, a recent turn of events prove that at about .06, I lose the ability to count objects to greater than two, let alone realize that one drink takes one hour to metabolize and half an hour to take effect, not the other way around, and finally forget to consider that mixing drugs is likely not a good idea. While I realize my folly and understand to a greater extent my limitations, flashbacks to dry heaving the morning after this occurrence, having my shoes and cigarettes destroyed by rainwater, and

having to carry out a conversation with the father of a childhood friend while hungover and wearing a ridiculous outfit consisting of a fuzzy cable hat with braids, a Corona-saturated t-shirt, vomit-flecked cargo shorts, and bright, colorful shoes two sizes too small without any socks, convince me that it might not be prudent to consume alcohol anytime soon. Furthermore, I haven't thrown up for nearly 10 years, but being offered a glass of wine by my mother for dinner compels me to flee to the nearest bathroom and evacuate my stomach contents. It's a bit of a shame, because I'd so desperately like to see adorable, sheltered people like Khushmit or Ria experience a sensation that compels them to dance uncontrollably despite not having danced before (EVEN IF WE JUST GOT BACK FROM PROM) (which is what happened to me). Of course, I'm not saying drinking activities will be ceased because of my reluctance, but I would be a major proponent otherwise, perhaps critically if that doesn't sound too vain. In any event, I am expecting loud music, dancing in inappropriate places, and a candid photo album that, if one were so inclined to do, could make a montage out of, reminiscent of a teen film or one of those commercials that feature young adults running around doing crazy things to feel-good music. Chatting in a circle among peers, watching a romantic comedy film, or playing monopoly while the more hxc, remote group uses recreational drugs in the background is, of course, acceptable in normal circumstances. However, if I find myself doing that two days before high school graduation, directly after prom, I'll have to take a long walk on the beach searching for deceased prostitutes, literally begging for something dreadful to fill the void of boredom of the night. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just mentally preparing myself for a possibility. I'm sure it'll be crazy. Just bring chips. People flip a shit when there's chips. And you should probably serve drinks in red plastic cups too, just so that people *feeel* like they should be going wild. In any event, I am going to this party and despite conditional reservations, I actually am quite excited. I am sleeping over.