CareLinks
What Counts in Life?
dna Mae Kincaid cared for her husband, Caleb, until Alzheimers disease led to his death. While he was alive, she talked about her journey during a panel discussion in South Carolina. Her comments are quoted by Stephen Post in his book, The Moral Challenge of Alzheimers Disease. The full passage is a moving testimony of her life with Caleb before and after their story included Alzheimers disease. In her closing remarks, she reflected on what we learn from life experiences, not just those related to dementia. She said, Ive learned its not what you have in life but who you have in your life that counts. Ive learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesnt stop for your grief. (p. 23) I suspect that for most of us this truth lies dormant in our unconscious when times are good. I am dismayed, however, that we seem to accept and celebrate interdependence and the priority of persons in our lives mainly when adversity comes to us or someone we love. We may choose to disparage the interdependent nature of existence, or we may be joyful about this fact of creation and pursue ways to be blessed by it. The choice is ours. Care Team members are engaged with people whose situation has made it difficult, if not impossible, to pretend or deny that thriving or surviving depends on our connections to others. Under the duress of illness or disability, the people you serve are progressively losing control over their lives and entrusting tasks that they cannot perform fully on their own to others for assistance or completion. As Care Team members, we observe the circular nature of life. When we are very young, we learn to trust others to tend to our needs. As we grow and master control over our lives, we become less dependent on others and self-reliant. Physical decline or trauma at some time in life may prompt us, once again, to rely on others for our needs and we remember or learn again how to trust others. This sequence in lifes stages of dependency, independence, and dependency describes most of the people a team serves. And, it likely will describe us at some time. In your support of others, Care Team members must demonstrate trustworthiness because people depend on you to assist with certain needs. Moreover, you should recognize how difficult it is for people to acknowledge their needs for others to accomplish certain tasks or to meet certain needs. One way for help to be less humiliating is to do with your care partners, rather than do for them as much as possible. It allows them to participate as they can and to be in control of their lives as they are able. As care partners accept the presence and assistance of team members in their lives and trust you to be faithful and helpful, we all learn the truth of Edna Mae Kincaids testimony, it is who you have in your life that counts. Thank you for fulfilling our faith and morality based duties to be present to each other throughout the life cycle, especially during periods of weakness and vulnerability. Thank you for demonstrating that Gods people can be trustworthy companions during times of dependency. Edna Mae was correct, no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesnt stop for your grief. Although the world does not stop, a broken heart or a weakened body does not have to result in being abandoned or forgotten by the world. By your presence and support,
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Volume 16, No. 3 April 2011 Interfaith CarePartners Phone: 713.682.5995 Fax: 713.682.0639 E-mail: info@interfaithcarepartners.org Web Page: www.interfaithcarepartners.org
Important Events
Care Team members proclaim the dignity and worth of people in all stages in life and in all circumstances in life, especially those times of physical weakness and dependency. By your presence and support, you are learning the truth of a statement by the Russian writer Vladimir Nabokov (d. 1977), When were young, we think these things only happen to other people; as we get older, we realize we are those other people. Dependency on others probably will come to us all. You are learning how to live in those periods with grace, dignity, and confidence
as you serve people now. The value of your companionship and care to the people you serve is captured in this note from a child of a mother with dementia served by a team. She wrote, It makes a huge difference in a persons life to know that someone thinks they are important enough to do all the little and big things. The little things are sometimes the ones that make the biggest impact and the ones that are remembered when someone cant remember many things. Let us never forget our need for each other and that, in the end, the people in our lives count more than the things in our lives.
Thursday, June 30 Alzheimers Care Team Gathering Table, South Main Baptist Church, Pasadena (invitations will be mailed)
Many of the people served by Alzheimers Care Team or Second Family Care Team members also have a family or friend caregiver primarily responsible for her or his support. Saturday, April 9 Team members are a secondary support system Conference for or safety net that shares in the care by providing Caregivers, Christ companionship and assistance with basic daily Church United tasks. Methodist Church, When team members are with a care The Woodlands. Team partner, she or he has a break from the usual members are urged to daily routine. The care partner has time with attend for continuing someone other than the family caregiver and an education. Conference brochures will be mailed opportunity to build new relationships. You are a bridge to the community from which to teams in or near The Woodlands. Care Team a care partner is being separated by illness or impairment. You add quality to a care member continuing partners life which tends to constrict as illness, education event. impairment, or age limit ones capacity to get out. Saturday, August 6 You also are a lifeline to a family caregiver. Conference for Family members typically care for a loved one Caregivers, St. Lukes without much complaining. Over time, their United Methodist Church, central Houston. attention and energy concentrates on the needs of their loved one as her or his condition and Care Team member dependency progresses. They often sacrifice continuing education much in their lives in order to tend to the event. needs of a family member. Their service often comes at the expense of their own welfare and well-being as they place the needs of a loved one ahead of their own. They tend to neglect their social relationships, suspend doing what they enjoy, and defer taking care of themselves, including visits to their physicians. The toll that caregiving can have may increase gradually or rapidly. A result may be that a family caregiver becomes overwhelmed. The cost of not taking
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Spring Cleaning
Collect and send broken or used cell phones and electronic devices to Interfaith CarePartners for recycling. The average time for consumers to change phones is 18 months. A lot of phones are stored waiting to be trashed or recycled. Other electronics that can be recycled are laptop computers, wireless modems, iPod, Wii, Xbox, digital cameras, Play Stations, and Game Cubes. Since the project began, 1,319 phones, several laptops, and game devices have been recycled. The proceeds help us to serve you and others. Why not lead a collection drive in your congregation, club, or workplace? A drive in your congregation can publicize the teams service to prospective care partners and new team members, protect the environment, eliminate clutter in homes, and support the good work of Interfaith CarePartners. Thank you for your help!
The many forms of care that Care Team members provide truly are lifelines to care partners and family caregivers.
Surviving
A third type of support you provide to family caregivers is socialization. Their friendships and social time typically suffer as they concentrate on the needs of a loved one. Sharing coffee or tea in the home, enjoying lunch out, shopping together, or other enjoyable activity create an opportunity for routine conversation to grow into a strong bond of friendship that will provide a link
to the world again after their service as caregiver is no longer needed. The many forms of care that Care Team members provide truly are lifelines to care partners and family caregivers. Your presence and assistance certainly add quality to the lives of the people you serve. And also, you may be saving lives, as well. Thank you for being lifelines and adding to the emotional, spiritual, social, and physical survival of caregivers!
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