To Dearest Carmen Jurgens

A few moments ago I spoke to you over the telephone whats more is Im also making arrangements to visit you tomorrow in your ward. I decided to write a letter to you during these dark hours you are facing all by yourself, that you may keep at your bedside to read when you are feeling tired and lonely. Now I know youre not an Abba fan, but the theme song of new beginnings I believe in angles is playing I thought I might listen to it because as you know Im always listening to songs when writing letters to you as of this it helps me to concentrate and express myself better and you know Carmen it works!!! They say failure just gives you another chance to try another time and not many people get a second chance but you have been blessed with an abundance of chances, why am I saying this? You know so well that I am not a man of religious convictions but even to me this is living proof there is a God if you need him. God loves you and whats more he has surrounded you with a vanguard of people who are trying at their best efforts to protect and shield you. These people are the ones who love you most, the ones who believe in you when nobody else will, the ones who still have hope for you. They are the people who have restless nights when you dont come home and are frantic about your safety it is these people your own family who have walked this journey with you even up to now. I once told you a long time ago if you dont have anything to give back to your family for their undying support then at least show them you are looking after your health and have them see you as a healthy person. I know sometimes especially with people who have addiction problems they tend to sit down and extrapolate deep within their minds and make up the most rational reasons for the situations they find themselves in and in many of the cases we find that it was never their fault of whatever happened to them. Very few actually take full responsibility of their actions lets just dissect the problemOK! So most of the world accepts it is not my fault the life I chose to live and its not my fault also that the world treats me different and then its still not my fault too that I have a condition. Everybody accepts the outcome of my life was not generated through my own choices that its somebody elses fault Yeah Carmen you bet a million its not your fault but even if its not your fault you are still a result of the equation and are still in the position youre in and because its your life only you can get yourself out of it. The world has given you resources to utilize and thats the best they can do the rest is up to you. Your problem is now and immediate so what are you going to do about it? (Thinkabout it) You have so much courage in you look back at the past and remember those things that were happening to you about you thinking youre going to be sent to a middle eastern country to be tortured. In your mind it was real and you could feel the reality of the fear just as anybody else would if they were really in that situation, but through your strength and courage you rose above us all and handled it with exceptional gallantry. I remember when I told you about my MI6 relapse during the incident when there was a road block ahead while driving with my Dad and I was convinced the road block was setup to arrest me then I took some eastern perfume that I thought was a poison given to me by MI6 agents that I had to use in the event the government captures me which would immediately kill me upon oral consumption. I remember telling you that I did not want to betray MI6 by breaking down upon my capture in severe interrogation techniques carried out by counter intelligence operatives and revealing classified information, so I decided to use the perfume to kill myself. Do you remember me telling you this? What did you immediately say after? You deserve a medal Mr Jacobs it was real for me at the time and maby if it was really like that they would have had some secret full military honour funeral with bagpipes, the haunting sound of taps and the official 21 gun salute in honour of me. What I am trying to say is just as you been so brave the last time be brave once again because bravery is the capacity to perfume at your best even

when scared half to death which you were exceptional at doing the last time I checked. Fight another day and push forward its not to late you can still realize your dreams and accomplish your goals but you need to be focused and must really want to. You know Carmen if I was stable and you know what I mean I hope things do come right for me soon, but yes if I was stable I would have made a systematic attempt to be long term with you because like I feel and I sure damn do Im prepared to put up with your pitfalls and would also have the courage to see you through it. I will try my best to make more time in being a friend to you since I think its one you need and a very good one indeed. For now take this time that you are healing to formulate ideas and decide on a game plan, be serious about what you want to do with yourself and how you are going to initiate change for a better quality lifestyle. Take your time to think use critical thinking and common sense, simplify and get analytical, weigh out the pros and cons, write this down if you have to as this will be the first step to bringing the idea into the world. When you are done reading this letter take a minute to think about this; What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail? Somewhere something incredible is waiting to be discovered