Communication Skills
Nonverbal communication Oral communication Written communication
What Is Communication?
Transfer of MeaningNo Influence of Mental MapsYes Redundant Visual Auditory Kinesthestic Energetic
What Is Communication?
Conscious and Intentional Nonverbal Verbal Unconscious and Unintentional Nonverbal Verbal
Unconscious Processing
Conscious Processing = 72/Second Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec. Short-term Memory Long-term Memory Habits Physical Mental
Habits
Learned Behavior Established Over Time Practice Self-talk Change
Learning
Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence Mastery
External Reality
The Map is Not the Territory
We delete information We distort information We generalize We assign meaning
Sensory Data
The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience
What we see What we hear What we touch, taste, and smell
Filtering Experience
Primary Mediation Secondary Mediation
Genetic predisposition Conditioning Personal profiles of behavioral type Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors Physical and mental state
Sensory Data
Filters
Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State
Sensory Data
DecisionMaking
Filters
Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State
DecisionMaking
Encoding Channel
Encoding
Sender
Receiver
Core Metaphors
Argument is war Business is war Business is a sport or a game Business is a building
Core Metaphors
Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies Perceptual Filters Common Operational Metaphors
Time is Learning is Men/Women are Success is... Life is
Mental Maps
Sensory Data Experience
Symbol Systems
Language
Words and sentences Meaning and labels
Mathematics Money
History of Communication
Nonverbal: Oral: Written:
Early writing: 4000 BC Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC Book printing in China: 600 BC Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD
Communicating Meaning
Physiology and Appearance: Paralanguage: Language: 55 percent 38 percent 7 percent
Sensory Modalities
Visual Auditory Kinesthetic
Touch Taste Smell Emotional responses (feelings)
Visuals
Vocabulary
I see what you mean. It looks good to me. Lets stay focused on the problem. She has a bright future. Hes always in a fog.
Auditories
Vocabulary
I hear what you are saying. It sounds good to me. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Thats music to my ears. Hes always blowing his own horn.
Kinesthetics (Kinos)
Vocabulary
I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. It smells fishy to me. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Shes still rough around the edges. Hes a smooth operator.
Vr
Ar Ai
Exercise: Flexibility
Determine your preferred system. What are you doing when you think? Speak for two minutes using predicates from one sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two. Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.
Rapport
Finding Commonalities
Values Vocabulary and paralanguage Physiology and appearance
Developing Rapport
Nonverbal (what you see and do)
Physiology Appearance Congruence
Exercises: Rapport
Matching and Mirroring Observing others Practicing Calibration Like/dislike Yes/no
Congruence
Physiology
Left/right body Left/right brain
Strategies
The Structure of Subjective Experience
Four-tuples Syntax
Learned Behavior
TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit) Habits Skills
Common Strategies
Spelling
Auditory (spell phonics phonetically) Visual
Decision-making Strategies
Purchasing
An inexpensive product Dinner in a nice restaurant An expensive product or service
Lead
Set direction Maintain interest Maintain rapport
Motivate
Clarify who does what next Future-pace possibilities Presuppose positive results
Personal Profiles
Achiever Communicator Specialist Perfectionist
Profile Characteristics
Achiever
Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win. Sees life as a competition.
Communicator
Likes to achieve results by working with and through people. Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results.
Specialist
Likes to plan work and relationships. Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect.
Perfectionist
Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail. Complies with authority and tries to provide the right answer.
Metaprograms
Action Direction Source Conduct Initiate or Respond Toward or Away From Internal or External Rule Follower or Breaker
More Metaprograms
Response Scope Cognitive Style Confirmation Match or Mismatch Global or Specific Thinking or Feeling VAK and Times
Changing Behavior
Patterns and Pattern Interrupts Anchors and Anchoring
Stimulus-response conditioning Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors
Exercise: Anchoring
Setting Anchors Kinesthetic Visual Auditory Stacking Anchors Collapsing Anchors Using Sliding Anchors
Auditory Submodalities
Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)
Kinesthetic Submodalities
Location, strength, duration, movement Quality (warm, cold, tingly, etc.)
Belief Systems
Cultural Parental Group Individual Global (Identity) Cause-effect
If X, then Y If I study, then I will...
Rules
Can/cant Must/must not Should/should not
Values
A Type of Belief Hierarchical Either Positive or Negative
Something desired Something to avoid
Congruent or Incongruent
Core Questions
Remain Out of Conscious Awareness Focus Attention Influence Interpretation of Events Influence Psychological State Influence the Range of Possibilities
Reframing Context
Key Questions
Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful? When would the characteristic or behavior be useful? What would have to be true for this to be useful?
Reframing Content
Key Questions
What else could this mean (or be)? What am I missing here? How can he or she believe that? How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?
The Metamodel
Used to Understand Anothers Mental Maps Used to Recover Lost Information Used to Help Correct Distortions Universal Metamodel Questions
What, who, or how specifically? What do you mean? How do you know? What would happen if you did (or didnt)?
Metamodel Violations
Unspecified Nouns
Abstract nouns (a student, teachers) Nominalizations (freedom, justice)
Metamodel Violations
Unspecified Verbs
You have to learn this. You will solve your problems.
Unwarranted Generalizations
You never want to do anything. Politicians are crooks.
Metamodel Violations
Unwarranted Comparisons
Brand X gives you more. Sally is the best.
Unwarranted Rules
You cant do that on television. Clean your plate. No pain, no gain.