Aiding Generation Gap

& Parental Problems

By: Kelly Shaye Bayno

Introduction
If you noticed, modern generation and cultural gaps are directly proportional
to rapid cultural changes, from fashion to politics. To be able to relate more
with our children, we need to learn to adapt to these cultural changes as well
but without losing our own values and identity. Parenting is an enormous
responsibility. It involves protecting the life of a child, providing for his
optimum development and molding his character. When our children start to
seek out their own identity, we are confronted with the fact that their way of
maturing is very different from ours from the way they define freedom, their
technological adeptness, their languages, spoken or otherwise, their way of
dressing and the way they interact with older people, including us. We cant
avoid situations where our values and theirs will clash. It can be difficult to
deal with these situations but if we analyze it deeper, sometimes the problem
only lies in cultural and generation gap.

Problems
Some familiar circumstances that can lead to conflict between the
parents and their children are:
when children are not allowed to stay out late
when parents interfere with their choice of friends
imposing of clothes to wear and many other donts
frequent yelling to let ones stand to be heard
when children breaks the border of family rules
when lies and disrespect become part of the conflict

Problems
Parental problems to their children in 3 main aspects:

Social problems
including withdrawal, loneliness, loss of confidence, school problems, learning disorders,
anxiety and depression, alcohol and drug abuse (particularly associated with mental illness),
suicide or self-harming, theft and criminal behaviour.

Discipline problems
including selfishness, defiance, unstable behaviour, recklessness, deceitfulness, violent
behaviour and disruptive behaviour.

Educational problems
including disruptive behaviour, bullying, decreased learning ability and academic
achievements.

According to the Office of National Statistics, the effects of this

generations children to the current situation of the families.
16%

of children from single-parent families experience a mental

health problem compared with 8% from two-parent families.

Mental

disorders are more common in reconstituted families (14%)

compared to families containing no stepchildren (9%).

Mental

disorders were also more common in families where neither

parent worked (20%), families where someone received disability
benefit (24%), and families with lower levels of educational
attainment.

Risk Factors
Parental factors

Family conflict and discord: lack of structure and discipline, disagreement about child rearing.

Parental control that is too tight.

Overprotection is a risk factor for childhood anxiety.

Marital conflict, divorce or separation: most of the negative effects are caused by disruption of
parenting. The parents' ability to cope with the changes may be reflected in the child's ability to
cope.

Involvement of the father; the emotional and social outcomes are significantly improved for
children whose fathers play a visible and nurturing role in their upbringing. Father involvement is
associated with positive cognitive, developmental and socio-behavioural child outcomes, such as
improved weight gain in preterm infants, improved breast-feeding rates, higher receptive language
skills and higher academic achievement.

Maternal depression, including postpartum depression.Young children of depressed mothers have

an elevated risk of behavioral, developmental and emotional problems.

One study found that depressed individuals who are offspring of depressed parents may be at
particular risk for the secondary deficits of depression. Such deficits may include physical
dysfunction, pain and disability; anxiety, smoking, drinking-related problems and poorer social
resources.

Parental mental illness.

Parental physical illness.

Parental alcohol and substance abuse.

Social/environmental factors

Poverty: mental disorders are more common in households with a low gross weekly income and in families
where the parent was in a routine occupational group compared with those in a higher professional group.
They were also more common in those living in the social sector (17%) compared with those who owned their
accommodation (4%).

Neglect and/or abandonment; adopted children or children from foster homes.

Residential instability.

Child factors

A chronically ill or disabled child.

Undiagnosed psychological or developmental problem - eg, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),
autism.

Difficult temperament of a child and a clash in parenting style.

Fragile emotional temperament of a child.

Peer pressures.

Family factors

Large families.

Family stress: working parents, job dissatisfaction, fatigue, stress and time, household chores.

Violence within the home.

Child sex abuse.

Trauma.

Philippine Statistic
of the said topic

Parent-Respondents Profile. The average age of the parent-respondents is 44.12 years

old. Almost all of them had attended formal schooling. The most common occupation
among the fathers was construction worker while most of the mothers were
housekeepers. More than 50 percent of the households had five (5) children or more and
84 percent out of the 75 families were Roman Catholics. In terms of the fathers
occupation, 32 or 42.67 percent were construction workers, 24 or 32 percent were
farmers, 10 or 13.33 percent were tricycle drivers, 4 or 5.33 percent were barangay
officials, 2 or 2.67 percent were seamen and only 1 or 1.33 percent was a government
employee. In terms of the mothers occupation, 58 or 77.33 percent were
housekeepers, 13 or 17.33 percent were government employees, and 3 or 4 percent
were vendors. There were 39 or 52 percent of the parents who have 5 or more children,
while 28 or 37.33 percent have 3 to 4 children and only 8 parent-respondents have 1 to
2 children. With these results, it can be said that majority of the fathers obtained their
source of living from working as laborers; while most of the mothers were left to
manage their household. The data on the number of children and the sources of income
of the fathers somehow elucidate why most of the mothers remained as housekeepers.

Parenting Styles. Majority of the parent-respondents claimed that they were

authoritative parents. They said their parenting style would be authoritative if
ever their child runs up and pushes the other child who is playing on a toy, keeps
on getting out of bed and it is late for bedtime, says that he/she hates the gift
received, keeps on running along the river or the seashore, is watching TV and an
inappropriate program comes on, throws his/her things for the parents to carry,
and cries because he/she wants to be carried as they are walking home. On the
other hand, majority of the parents adopted a permissive parenting style when
their child does not want them to leave the home. The parents, however,
admitted that they also subjected their child to punishment, from the mild form
of reminder to verbal reprimand, pinching, pulling hair or spanking.

Childrens Perceived Relationship with their Parents. Most of the children

believed that they have warm and supportive parents and they felt that they
were loved and given special attention; however, some of them admitted that
they experienced hostile and conflicting relationship with their parents like,
being blamed for the familys misfortunes, criticized for their imperfections,
witnessing their parents shout and quarrel with each other, and admitted that
they cannot openly communicate with their parents. Twenty-six or 34.66 percent
were authoritative. They would explain to their child that they had made a date
that they want to keep, so, they would decide to bring their toddler with them
and make sure that they bring a toy so the child can play with it. Only 2 or 2.67
percent believed they were authoritarian or they demanded their child to get
ready and force him to come with them. This result simply implies that most
parents have a very close attachment with their child. They cannot afford to
leave their child behind if their child is begging them to stay. The parents were
not even aware of the repercussions of their decision in tolerating their children
yet they know for sure that they dont want to see their child crying at the top of
their lungs. After all, they will only be going to meet a friend. Filipino parents,
by nature, give more value to family members than friends. This is strongly
supported by the close family ties values which is highly dominant among
Filipino families

Childrens Social Adjustment. In terms of the childrens social adjustment,

majority of the children believed that they exhibit both pro-social and anti-social
behavior. They all claimed that they are helpful and cooperative and can get
along well with others including their families. However, when they are bullied or
persecuted, they tend to exhibit aggressive and/or violent behavior because they
make sure that they get even with to those who bullies them. In terms of peer
status and peer responses, almost all of them claimed that they really like their
friends and they find it easy to find new friends. They also felt that they are
genuinely accepted by their peers and friends. Very few of them who felt that
they were not welcome and victimized by other children. Lastly, most of the
children feel that they were satisfied with their family and peers and they were
happy when they were at home or with their peers. Only one admitted that
he/she experienced that feeling of being lonely.

Solution
Getting to the bottom of parent-child relationship problems can be difficult because there can
be many different underlying issues. The possible outcomes may also vary depending upon
individual families, religion, culture, attitudes, ethnicity and resources available.
It is best to encourage our growing children to be open to us. Being an excessive disciplinarian
can backfire and may encourage children, especially teenagers, to be insecure and secretive.
Learn to be in tune with the emotions hidden in their body languages. Sometimes it also helps
if we are honest to them and ask our children what they want to communicate with these body
languages because we dont understand it. Set house rules and consequences if they broke
family rules then you can remove Internet connection or sequester their gadgets until they
apologize and understand why these family rules are important. For example: if teens arrive
home fifteen minutes late at your evening-out rule, then take off one day of internet or
gadget. They can get back the Internet access at home or any gadget if they cook a meal or
clean toilet or help you in doing chores. Giving them tasks is a way to learn what responsibility
and commitment mean. Teaching them on wise handling of money and self-reliant attitude is a
must. Update yourself with terms like Yolo, GG, brb, tyl, ootd, selfie and etc. Share our
culture with them and let them understand the differences in traditions, economic situations
and values between their country of residence and the Philippines. Explain to them how we
are different and how our values and behaviors were developed and tell them to absorb the
good side of both cultures. Be flexible and learn to accept their modern ways as long as it does
not cross the line between respect and freedom. On conflicting moral views, bridge gap with
honest, open communication respecting each others age, feelings and views. Encourage our
growing children to embrace the positive strong qualities, values and character of both
cultures: theirs and ours. Emphasize on respect, honestly, compassion and understanding.

Prevention
One study found that a prevention programme implemented through
childbirth education programmes enhanced the co-parental relationship,
parental mental health, the parent-child relationship and infant emotional
and physiological regulation.The programme had a positive effect on coparental support, maternal depression and anxiety, distress in the parentchild relationship and several indicators of infant regulation. It was
particularly helpful to lower-educated parents and families with a father
who reported higher levels of insecure attachment in close relationships.
Sure Start is a government-led initiative which encompasses a number of
different projects aimed at giving every child the best possible start.

Philippines movement against generation gap

The National Committee on the Filipino Family (NCFF) chaired by the Department of Social
Welfare and Development (DSWD) recently highlighted the International Day of Families
through a forum which tackled bridging the gap between generations. Reflecting on the
theme, Professor Josefina Q. Era of Miriam College discussed the changing family trends in
the Philippines, focusing on the OFW and solo-parent phenomenon, and its impact on family
relationships. Professor Era emphasized the importance of providing time and attention to
children because these are what really matters, not material things. Moreover, she talked
about the differences between the older (60 years old and above), sandwhich (early
adulthood to midlife), and the adolescent generations, and how to bridge the gap between
them, underscoring the need for respect and empathy. Reaching out, listening to and
understanding the needs and concerns of each generation also foster harmonious
intergenerational relationships. The older generation should also refrain from constantly
reminding the adolescent and sandwhich generations noong panahon namin (in our time)
because times have truly changed, and the norms practiced in raising children then is no
longer applicable today, added Professor Era. Professor Era also cited Role Reversal and
Global Parenting or Online communications, as the common problems faced by families
who are affected by the OFW phenomenon, concluding that grandparent-headed and youthheaded homes in the absence of the mother, father or solo parent,upset the structure of
Filipino families. Citing figures based on a 2011 census by the National Statistics Office (NSO)
showed that there are 2.2M OFWs working around the globe, while there are 13.9 million solo
parents nationwide comprising 14 to 15 percent of the Philippines population of 94 million