Triangular Theory of

Love

Intimacy, Passion, and

Commitment
TEENAGE
RELATIONSHIPS
In this teenage stage you form friendship and
develop intimate relationships with members of
the opposite sex. Also in this stage you had a
capacity to trust someone and become more
involved to someone that make's you
psychology attached with significant people
FRIENDSHIP
frienship is a form of relationship between two
or more people. It mean being with others and
not just thinking about yourself
friendship is characterized by a more mutually
satisfying relationship of caring and sharing.
You are more loyal to your friends and become
more critical about your friendship
THREE TYPES OF FRIENDSHIP

PETER AND ASHER(1993)

1.acquaintance- a friendship whom you join only once

in a while or occationally.
2.companions- a friendship where you share same
interest through regular interaction.
3. Intimates/bestfriends- a frienship where you share
and recieve opinions and supports.
TWO TYPES OF PEER
GROUPS
ARTHUR(1999)
1. CLIQUE- a small group that consist of 4-6 members
and exclusive to peers who share the same interest.

2. CROWD- a large group consist of 10-20 members

who share similar activity such as parties.
 According to furman(1999) that having friends
in girls is a source of a social support
compared with boys,girls are more expressive
than boys and usually show their intimacy by
talking about personal matter,boys on the
otherhand shows intimacy in nonverbal ways.
 Boys tends to get together for certain event or
to compete where are girls tend to get together
to have bonding moments through emotional
sharing where they talk about their crush,
happy moments, frustration, and their dreams.
 Girls tend to trust easily they are more intimate
and emotionally attached to others. Becoming
very close to your friends anf failing to identify
you limitation may affect other areas of your
life.
Triangular theory of love

The triangular theory of love explains the topic of love in

an interpersonal relationship. Psychologist Robert
Sternbergs theory describes types of love based on
three different scales: intimacy, passion, and
commitment. It is important to recognize that a
relationship based on a single element is less likely to
survive than one based on two or more.
Three components of
Love

There are three components of love as follows:

Three components of
Love
There are three components of love as follows:

Intimacy: Intimacy is described as the feelings of closeness and

attachment to one another. This tends to strengthen the tight bond
that is shared between those two individuals. Additionally, having a
sense of intimacy helps create the feeling of being at ease with one
another, in the sense that the two parties are mutual in their feelings.
Intimacy is primarily defined as something of a personal or private
nature; familiarity.
INTIMACY
Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a
close personal association and belonging together. It is
a familiar and very close affective connection with
another as a result of a bond that is formed through
knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine
intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue,
transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity.
INTIMACY
In human relationships, the meaning and level of
intimacy varies within and between relationships. In
anthropological research, intimacy is considered the
product of a successful seduction, a process of rapport
building that enables parties to confidently disclose
previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate
conversations become the basis for "confidences"
(secret knowledge) that bind people together.
INTIMACY

Scholars distinguish between four different

forms of intimacy: physical, emotional,
cognitive, and experiential.
INTIMACY
Physical intimacy is sensual proximity or touching, examples
include being inside someone's personal space, holding hands,
hugging, kissing, petting or other sexual activity.

Emotional intimacy, particularly in sexual relationships, typically

develops after a certain level of trust has been reached and
personal bonds have been established. The emotional connection
of "falling in love", however, has both a biochemical dimension,
driven through reactions in the body stimulated by sexual
attraction, and a social dimension driven by "talk" that follows
from regular physical closeness or sexual union.
INTIMACY
Cognitive or intellectual intimacy takes place when two people
exchange thoughts, share ideas and enjoy similarities and
differences between their opinions. If they can do this in an open
and comfortable way, they can become quite intimate in an
intellectual area.

Experiential intimacy is when two people get together to actively

involve themselves with each other, probably saying very little to
each other, not sharing any thoughts or many feelings, but being
involved in mutual activities with one another. Imagine observing
two house painters whose brushstrokes seemed to be playing out
a duet on the side of the house. They may be shocked to think
that they were engaged in an intimate activity with each other,
however from an experiential point of view, they would be very
intimately involved.
Three components of
Love
Passion: Passion can be associated with either physical arousal or
emotional stimulation. Passion is defined in three ways:

1. A strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or

about doing something.

2. A strong feeling (such as anger) that causes people to act in a

dangerous way

3. Strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone

PASSION

Passion may be a friendly or eager interest or activity

or love to a feeling of unusual excitement,
enthusiasm or compelling emotion, a positive affinity or
love, towards a subject.
PASSION
Denis Diderot describes passions as
"penchants, inclinations, desires and aversions
carried to a certain degree of intensity,
combined with an indistinct sensation of
pleasure or pain, occasioned or accompanied
by some irregular movement of the blood and
animal spirits, are what we call passions.
Three components of
Love
Commitment: Unlike the other two blocks, commitment involves a
conscious decision to stick with one another. The decision to remain
committed is mainly determined by the level of satisfaction that a
partner derives from the relationship. There are three ways to define
commitment:

1. A promise to do or give something

2. A promise to be loyal to someone or something

3. The attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support

something
COMMITMENT

Commitment: Your relationship lifeline

COMMITMENT
Commitment is a belief in relationship permanence
and the understanding that at times your union will
need a life-jacket to stay afloat.
Commitment has a dual role in your relationship. You
can view commitment as the vehicle to help deepen
your love, and you can also view it as a safety net of
sorts, a way to protect your marriage or relationship
during the difficult periods that each and every
relationship experiences.
COMMITMENT
Commitment allows love and intimacy to mature over time.
Someone who ends a relationship because the excitement of
new love has diminished misses out on the opportunities that
relationships bring for individual and mutual growth.
Some erroneously believe that a commitment like "till death do
us part" means foolishly locking yourself into a life-time of
potential unhappiness. No one should commit to a relationship
that cannot meet their needs. Your needs (and your partner's
needs) do matter and should be part of the overall commitment
equation. But life and relationships are complicated, and there
will be stretches of time when your partner does not meet your
needs (and you will not meet your partner's needs).
Types of Love
Combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment
Intimacy Passion Commitment
Liking or
x
Friendship
Infatuation or
x
Limerence
Empty love x
Romantic Love x x
Companionate
x x
love
Fatuous love x x
Consummate
x x x
love
1. Non love The absence of any of the three
types of love. No connection. Indifferent to
relationship.
2. Liking in this case is not used in a trivial
sense. Sternberg says that this intimate
liking characterizes true friendships, in which
a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a
closeness with another but not intense
passion or long-term commitment.
3. Infatuated love is often what is felt as "love
at first sight." But without the intimacy and
the commitment components of love,
infatuated love may disappear suddenly
4. Empty love: Sometimes, a stronger love
deteriorates into empty love, in which the
commitment remains, but the intimacy and
passion have died. In cultures in which
arranged marriages are common, relationships
often begin as empty love.
5. Romantic love: Romantic lovers are bonded
emotionally (as in liking) and physically through
passionate arousal.
6. Companionate love is often found in
marriages in which the passion has gone out of
the relationship, but a deep affection and
commitment remain. Companionate love is
generally a personal relation you build with
somebody you share your life with, but with no
7. Fatuous love can be exemplified by a
whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a
commitment is motivated largely by passion,
without the stabilizing influence of intimacy
8. Consummate love is the complete form of love,
representing the ideal relationship toward which many
people strive but which apparently few achieve.
Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love
may be even harder than achieving it. Sternberg warns,
"even the greatest of loves can die". Consummate love
may not be permanent. For example, if passion is lost
over time, it may change into companionate love.
The balance among Sternbergs three aspects of love is likely to
shift through the course of a relationship. A strong dose of all three
components-found in consummate love-typifies, for many of us, an
ideal relationship. However time alone does not cause intimacy,
passion, and commitment to occur and grow. Knowing about these
components of love may help couples avoid pitfalls in their
relationship, work on the areas that need improvement or help them
recognize when it might be time for a relationship to come to an end.
How to achieve Consumnate Love

In order to develop consummate love, the most important side of the

triangle is Intimacy (The friendship aspect of the relationship which
includes closeness, connectedness, and trust). Without strong
feelings of trust and connectedness, a couple stands little chance of
developing and sustaining consummate love. Of the ingredients
comprising intimacy, trust is probably the most important ingredient.
The essence of building trust (even trust which has been
jeopardized in a relationship) can be summed up in one idea: To
create a safe emotional space for your partner to express his or her
feelings and opinions. Here are a few guidelines for creating a safe,
emotional space:
1. Be a good listener. Listen not only with your ears, but also with
your eyes, body, behavior, and comments.
 2. Be positive and give pleasure. We naturally trust people who
treat us nicely. Its very difficult to distrust someone who works hard
to please us. A key tool to use here is the 5 to 1 Rule. This means
that the ratio of positive to negative comments made to ones
partner must be at least 5 to 1.
3. Dont allow issues to go unresolved for too long. When issues
dont get resolved, resentments develop and fester. Resentments
undermine trust. Keep the lines of communication open. Develop
good problem-solving skills.
 4. Learn to fight fairly. If you fight unfairly, you destroy trust.
Examples of unfair fighting include name calling, put downs, using
absolutes like you never or you always, and bringing up old stuff
from previous difficulties.
5. Say what you are going to do. Communicating your intentions to
your partner eliminates the guesswork that often leads to
misunderstandings, and undermines trust.
 6. Do what you say youre going to do. The more your actions
match your words, the more trust your partner (and others) will have
in you.
 7. Live in the present moment. Everyday is a new day, a new
opportunity to enjoy your relationship and refine your feelings of
trust and friendship. Try to never remind your partner of somewhere
theyve failed in the past. This is called score keeping. Score
keeping only builds stress, magnifies a situation, and interferes with
effective communication.
 8. Look at yourself first. Before you point your finger at your partner
(which undermines trust), take a close look at your motives for doing
so. You may find that theres no reason for bringing the matter up at
all, or, at the very least, youll be able to better explain your reason
for needing to communicate your feelings.
 9. Time, time, and more time. Time plays a major role in the
development and strengthening of trust. Make time to make your
partner a priority. Go dancing, enjoy a romantic date, take a walk
together, turn off the TV and read together.
 Were never so vulnerable than when we trust someone but
paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

~ Walter Anderson