SUCCESSFUL SELF MANAGEMENT

CHAPTER 4 STELLA COTTREL

Successful Self Management

To conquer others is strong; to conquer oneself is mighty

Introduction
Self Management encompasses a very broad range of skills , qualities, attitudes
and experience. It can include some or all of the following:

Being able to analyze your situation, identifying strengths, weaknesses,

opportunities and threats.
Identifying resources and sources for support.
Managing your time.
Adopting attitudes that support your aims.
Taking a solution focused approach to to managing problems.
Managing your own emotions.
Coping when in distress.
Managing change, uncertainty and confusion.
Self Management-Intra-personal Skills
Intra-personal skills:
Refers to your own inner world, in contrast to interpersonal skills, which refer to how
you relate to other people.
Intra-personal skills help us to manage our feelings, responses and actions, so that we
are able to function at our best.
The world of emotions:
Intrapersonal world has the most profound effect on our responses, our thinking, our
behavior, our views of ourselves, our feelings and our achievement.
It touches upon what is closest to our hearts and being.
It is especially the arena of emotions. When we work with emotions, we can expect to
feel emotional at times.
Most of us can find this quiet challenging, and so there is a temptation to shy away
from developing intrapersonal skills.
This means that we do not get to the heart of the issue and so do not achieve it all we
could.
On the other hand when we understand more about ourselves, know our own triggers,
and develop our emotional intelligence, we are more able to manage every situation
we enter.
Self Management-Time Management
Managing Time effectively:
1. Use small packets of time in the day to sort out minor tasks.
Waiting in ques. for a bus, waiting for kettle to boil etc.
2. Motivation to get going.
3. Time Tasks:
Time management requires you to know how long something takes.
Break a larger project into smaller tasks.
Plan for all stages and find out how much time you need to allocate for each stage.
Cost your time:
4. Work out whether the amount of time you spend on each activity is cost effective.
Return such as extra marks decreases after some time.
Academic work is hard to get perfect as there is no single right answer.
5. Say NO.
6. Delegate to others. Trust is the key factor. If you do not delegate, what would be the
effects on your own time. Stress levels and personal efficiency.
7. Ask for help.
 Managing Time

8&9 Starting Strategies

Start with what you can do and work from there.
Problem arises when we focus too much on what the end product should be rather than
building up from e already know.
Start small, branch out.
10& 11 Use a diary or a planner.

Things that get forgotten:

The time it takes to travel between appointments.
The time when work for a deadline should begin rather than the deadline itself.
New Locations: difficult to find. May use up valuable time.
Queuing time.
Transport delays.
Information Technology delays due to malfunction. Printer conks out.
 Self Management-Attitudes
Whats in a thought:
No two people respond in the same way to the same event. One person maybe angry,
another indifferent and a third no point in trying.
Our thinking about an event influences our response to it and the outcome. Our thoughts
shape our experience, affecting what we feel physically and emotionally, how we interpret
events, how we respond in a crisis and how we direct our lives.
Taking Responsibility:
One of the first steps in managing a situation is taking responsibility as an active thinking ,
creative agent within the process.
Taking responsibility does not mean excusing or taking the blame for someone elses action.
It moves moving beyond the blame to find the most constructive outcome possible. The
responsibility here ids to yourself.
Pre recorded Messages:
The big bad They. They made me, they should take the first step, they shouldnt put me in
this position, They started it.
The Big Bad IT: It is too difficult, it is too soon, it is too complex, it wont work.
Self Management-Constructive Messages

Constructive Messages
I can do this.
Its Ok. There is a way of dealing with this.
We can find a solution.
In the circumstances the best solution is.
The first step is.
I take responsibility for my part in this.
Ill have a go.
Activity: Change the message
Write down five constructive responses you could use when things go wrong.
Check that these enable you to take responsibility on yourself.
Try out the best response and see of it works.
Self Management- Self belief

Self Belief:
Belief in oneself and ones own capabilities is essential.
Low self esteem creates stress, which makes the brain less efficient.
It is also more likely to encourage a sense of defeat and a belief that there is no point.
Self Confidence:
A belief that one has the right to be and think and do what he wants, subject to reasonable
limits and concerns for others, enhances performance.
It motivates and drives you forward.
It is also attractive to others. It can bring more interest, resources and support, increasing the
likelihood of success.
Self Permission: Sometimes we are unable to move forward because we refuse to give
ourselves permission. It is as if we get this pre-recorded message saying:I am not allowed
I am not good enough
I am not worthy of the risk.
I am not made for this sort of a thing.
I am not strong enough to cope with failure.
Its not me.
Self -Description
Brainstorm a list of 30 things that you like about yourself:

Tall
Smart
Handsome
Flexible
Can do Approach
Manages Change
Communicates well
Dominating

Which three description of yourself do you like the

best?
 Solution focused approach

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job-tell them Certainly I can-
and get busy and find out how to do it . Theodore Roosevelt.
Difficulty Focused Thinking

Focusing on the difficulty usually produces negative responses: the response can seem
insoluble .
It depletes youre your own and other peoples emotional and physical energy.
Creates a sense of weariness, hopelessness or helplessness.
The dominant message is that the problem is difficult, it will be hard work to find a solution.
Difficulty focussed approach uses words and phrases such as:
But..
I cant see how
Oh No not again.
Its hard to believe.
That wont work.
A Solution Focussed approach

Describes the situation, identifies points of difficulty, and moves quickly to find the best
possible resolution:

Yes , and we could also.

What if we.
Are there other ways of looking at this ?
Lets brainstorm ideas
Lets look again at our options.
The dominant message is that a solution of one kind or another will have to be found
eventually.
Solution focused approached is generally found in Managerial positions.
 Emotional Intelligence
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is a term made current by Goleman ( 1995). It is slowly becoming
recognized that it isnt simply what we do and what we think that affects our ability to
cope , manage and succeed, but also how we manage our feelings.
Emotional Intelligence involves:
Knowing the appropriate feelings for circumstances.
Experiencing the appropriate feelings for the circumstances.
Expressing feelings appropriate to the circumstances.
Making opportunities to express feelings that cannot be expressed fully in the original
circumstances.
Negative implications of emotions
Emotions often get in the way of a rational interpretation of a situation.
They tend to prevent us from working towards the best or most conducive solution.
People tend to over express their feelings such as anger, passivity, distress or to bottle up their
feelings to cope.
 What is emotional intelligence?( Contd)

Different circumstances permit a different level of expression. Following questions need to be

asked.
1. What response will lead to the most constructive outcome?
2. How will other people respond?
3. What are other peoples needs?
Where do the unexpressed feelings go?
1. Displacement: The emotion is ignored and sneaks out when not expected, usually when you
experience a similar emotion later. For example you dont say anything when you are irritated
all day but erupt suddenly at a small matter for no reason.
2. Distorted Thinking: Unexpressed emotions can eat away at people leading to distorted thinking
such as:
Believing there is no solution or way out of a problem.
Exaggerating how bad things are.
Over generalizing: judging everything from one or few examples.
Exaggerating ones role in events so as to see oneself as incompetent, bad, unkind or completely
to
blame.
Magical thinking: believing that one is jinxed, doomed, specially chosen, ill fated.
Focusing on the negatives. Seeing only the bad things. etc
 Managing personal distress
The ABC model for managing distress
The ABC model ( Ellis Dryden 1994) and Gordon(1993).
ABC model helps to analyze the source of distress.
Separates the core of the issue from the beliefs and attitudes that then amplify the
problem. This makes it easier to to find a solution, cope with the problem.
A= Activating Event: What happened that led to emotional distress.
B=Beliefs: What beliefs contribute to emotional distress.
C=Consequence: eg. Anger, illness, inability to work, difficulty getting down to work or
concentrating.
D= Dealing with it.