3 Steps to Effective

Relationship
1. Self-awareness

2. Genuine Listening

3. Harmonious
Assertiveness
 5 MINUTES EACH
SHARER
Discussion Topic:
“HOW DID I ARRIVE IN THIS
LIFE, PROFESSION THAT I
HAVE RIGHT NOW?”

Every one will take turns as a

Sharer, Listener and Observer
LISTENER OBSERVER
The Listener can listen in any way
he/she wants to, such as asking
questions or reacting.
THREE LEVELS OF LISTENING

HEARING

LISTENING TO THE MEANING

LISTENING TO THE MEANING AND

OTHER NON-VERBAL MESSAGES
Important Elements in Listening
• Set aside what you are doing and
attend fully to the person
Attentiveness is a sure sign that
you consider the other person
important. It has a significant
effect on the other person,
especially if young.

5.4
•Be aware of your own feelings,
concerns and reactions as you listen
Reactions can be automatic and go
practically unnoticed. They can raise
defensiveness, biases, prejudgments,
unfair assumptions, etc., which prevent us
from truly understanding another. By
being aware, we take control whether we
will allow these reactions to prevail or
not.
•Acknowledge, affirm or restate
what is said, regardless whether
you agree or disagree with what is
said
This makes the other party
feel that he or she has been
understood.
•Wait until the other person has
finished before you speak
This allows the other person
to complete the intended message
(words and feelings) and the energy
behind the intention is allowed to
flow fully and not bottled up or
suspended.
HELPFUL BEHAVIORS IN
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
(Positive)
HELPFUL BEHAVIORS IN
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
(Negative)
3 Steps to Effective
Relationship

1. Self-Awareness
2. Genuine Listening
3. Harmonious
Assertiveness
 Three Modes of Communication
and Dealing with Conflict
TIMID AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE

Fearful, shy Angry, demanding, or Calm and self-aware

imposing
Doesn’t speak, or Accusing, judging, States one’s feelings,
feels forced to lie, or using sentences that reactions without
improperly apologetic start with “you accusing or judging;
are . . .” starts sentences using
“I feel . . .”
Suppresses feelings Vents out anger or Expresses feelings
manipulates honestly and sincerely
Suppresses one’s Tends to violate Exercises one’s rights
rights others’ rights
Evades conflict but not Creates more conflicts Conflicts are resolved
solve it more effectively
 Three Modes of Communication
and Dealing with Conflict
TIMID AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE

Fearful, shy Angry, demanding, or Calm and self-aware

imposing
Doesn’t speak, or Accusing, judging, States one’s feelings,
feels forced to lie, or using sentences that reactions without
improperly apologetic start with “you accusing or judging;
are . . .” starts sentences using
“I feel . . .”
Suppresses feelings Vents out anger or Expresses feelings
manipulates honestly and sincerely
Suppresses one’s Tends to violate Exercises one’s rights
rights others’ rights
Evades conflict but not Creates more conflicts Conflicts are resolved
solve it more effectively
 Three Modes of Communication
and Dealing with Conflict
TIMID AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE

Fearful, shy Angry, demanding, or Calm and self-aware

imposing
Doesn’t speak, or Accusing, judging, States one’s feelings,
feels forced to lie, or using sentences that reactions without
improperly apologetic start with “you accusing or judging;
are . . .” starts sentences using
“I feel . . .”
Suppresses feelings Vents out anger or Expresses feelings
manipulates honestly and sincerely
Suppresses one’s Tends to violate Exercises one’s rights
rights others’ rights
Evades conflict but not Creates more conflicts Conflicts are resolved
solve it more effectively
Indicators of aggressive approaches:

1. If the tone is loud or threatening.

2. If the words are judgmental or accusatory.
3. If the body language is aggressive, like arms
on the waist.

The listener will typically react in the following

way if the statement is aggressive:

a. Defensive
b. Hurt
c. Offended
d. Ego feels discounted or threatened
e. Pride is challenged
 Elements of an
Assertive Statement
1. States one’s own feelings and reactions (“I
feel bad,” “I am confused,” “I felt hurt by. . .”,
“I felt embarrassed”)
2. Describes the action of the other person (not
judge or condemn the other person) that
resulted in one’s hurt feelings (“. . . when you
made that joke about me in front of others”)
3. States what one wishes or requests the other
to do in the future to prevent the problem (If
you wish to make such jokes, please don’t do
it in front of our guests)