10

COMMANDMENTS
OF GOOD
PARENTING
 Being a parent can be one of the most rewarding and
fulfilling experiences of your life, but that doesn't mean
it's easy. No matter what age your child/children is/are,
your work is never done. To be a good parent, you need
to know how to make your children feel valued and
loved, while teaching them the difference between right
and wrong. At the end of the day, the most important
thing is to create a nurturing environment where your
children feel like they can thrive and develop into
confident, independent, and caring adults.
Love Your Child

Give your child love and

affection. Sometimes the best thing you can
give your child is love and affection. A warm
touch or a caring hug can let your child know
how much you really care about him or her.
Don't ever overlook how important a
physical connection is when it comes to your
child. Here are some ways to show love and
affection:
Praise your Children
Praising your children is an important part
of being a good parent. You want your kids
to feel proud of their accomplishments and
good about themselves. If you don't give
them the confidence they need to be out in
the world on their own, then they won't feel
empowered to be independent or
adventurous. When they do something
good, let them know that you've noticed and
that you're very proud of them.
Avoid comparing your children to others,
especially siblings
. Each child is individual and unique. Celebrate
their differences and instill in each child the
desire to pursue their interests and dreams.
Failure to do so may give your child an
inferiority complex, an idea that they can never
be good enough in your eyes. If you want to
help them improve their behavior, talk about
meeting their goals on their own terms, instead
of telling them to act like their sister or
neighbor. This will help them develop a sense of
self instead of having an inferiority complex.
 Listen to your children

It's important that your communication with your children goes both ways. You shouldn't
just be there to enforce rules, but to listen to your children when they are having a
problem. You have to be able to express interest in your children and involve yourself in
their life. You should create an atmosphere in which your children can come to you with a
problem, however large or small.
Make time for your children

Be careful not to stifle or smother them,

however. There's a big difference between
protecting someone and imprisoning them
within your too unyielding demands. You
want them to feel like your time together is
sacred and special without making them
feel like they are forced to spend time with
you.
Be there for the milestones
You may have a hectic work schedule, but you should do
everything you can to be there for the important moments in
your children's lives, from their ballet recitals to their high
school graduation. Remember that children grow fast and
that they'll be on their own before you know it. Your boss
may or may not remember that you missed that meeting,
but your child will most certainly remember that you didn't
attend the play they were in. Though you don't actually have
to drop everything for your children, you should at least
always try to be there for the milestones.
Being a Good Disciplinarian

Enforce reasonable rules. Enforce rules that apply

to every person leading a happy and productive life
— not model rules of your ideal person. It's
important to set rules and guidelines that help your
child develop and grow without being so strict that
your child feels like he can't take a step without
doing something wrong. Ideally, your child should
love you more than he fears your rules.
Control your temper as much as you can. It's
important to try to be as calm and reasonable as
you can when you explain your rules or carry
them out. You want your children to take you
seriously, not fear you or think of you as unstable.
Obviously, this can be quite a challenge, especially
when your children are acting out or just driving
you up the wall, but if you feel yourself getting
ready to raise your voice, take a break, excuse
yourself or let your kids know that you are
beginning to get upset.
Be consistent. It's important to enforce the same
rules all the time, and to resist your child's attempts
to manipulate you into making exceptions. If you let
your child do something he or she is not supposed to
do just because he or she is throwing a tantrum, then
this shows that your rules are breakable. If you find
yourself saying, "Okay, but only once..." more than
once, then you have to work on maintaining more
consistent rules for your children.
Provide order for your children.
Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have
limitations. By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared
about by their parents. They might rebel at those boundaries, but inwardly
enjoy knowing that concerned parents guide and love them.
Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a
reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege (money, extended
curfew, extra play time, etc.). As "punishment" for not doing these jobs,
they have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even the youngest of
children can learn this concept of reward or consequence. As your child
grows, give them more responsibilities and more rewards or consequences
for completing those responsibilities or ignoring them.
Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to the
religious institute that you follow. If you are an atheist or an agnostic,
teach them your moral stance on things. In either case, don't be
hypocritical or be prepared for your child to point out that you are not
"practicing what you preach".
Criticize your child's behavior, not your
child

It's important to criticize your children's

actions, instead of your actual child. You
want your child to learn that he or she can
accomplish whatever he or she wants
through his or her behavior, instead of being
stuck being one kind of person. Let him or
her feel like he has the agency to improve his
behavior.
Helping Your Child Build Character

Teach your children that it is okay for them to be

different, and they do not have to follow the crowd.
Teach them right from wrong when they are
young, and they will (more often than not) be able
to make their own decisions, instead of listening
to or following others. Remember that your child
is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an
individual under your care, not a chance for you to
relive your life through them.
*When your children get old enough to make decisions for themselves, you should
encourage them to choose which extra-curricular activities they want to do or what
friends they want to play with. Unless you think an activity is very dangerous, or a
playmate is a very bad influence, you should let your children figure things out for
themselves.
*A child may have an opposite disposition, ie: introverted when you are
extroverted, for instance, and will not be able to fit into the pattern and style that
you choose, and will make his or her own decisions instead.
*They need to learn that their own actions have consequences (good and bad). By
doing so, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem solvers so
that they are prepared for independence and adulthood.
*Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves. While getting them
a glass of water before bed is a nice way to make them get to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they
come to expect it.
Be a good role model. If you want your child to be well-behaved, then you should model the behavior and
character you hope your children will adopt and continue to live by the rules that you set. Show them by
example in addition to verbal explanations. Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear
unless they make a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold. You don't have to be a perfect
person, but you should strive to do as you want your children to do, so you don't look hypocritical if you tell
your children to be polite to others when they find you getting in a heated argument in the supermarket.
Respect your child's privacy. Respect their privacy as you would want them to respect yours; for
example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them, respect the same with
their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room they can know that no one will look
through their drawers, or read their diary. This will teach them to honor their own space and to
respect the privacy of others.
Encourage your children to have a healthy lifestyle. It's important to make sure that your children eat
healthy food as much as they can, that they get plenty of exercise, and that they get enough rest every night.
You should encourage positive and healthy behavior without harping on it too much or making it seem like
you're forcing your children to eat or act a certain way. Be the adviser, not the dictator. Let them come to
these conclusions on their own while helping them see the meaning and importance of a healthy life.
Allow your kids to experience life for
themselves
Don't make decisions for them all the time; they must
learn how to live with the consequences from the
choices they make. After all, they will have to learn to
think for themselves sometime. It's best they start
when you are there to help minimize the negative
consequences and accentuate the positive ones.
They need to learn that their own actions have consequences
(good and bad). By doing so, it helps them to become good
decision makers and problem solvers so that they are prepared
for independence and adulthood.
Let your children make their own mistakes

Life is a great teacher. Don't be too quick to rescue your child

from the results of their own actions if the consequences are not
overly severe. For example, cutting themselves (in a minor way)
may hurt, but it's better than leaving them unaware of why sharp
objects should be avoided. Know that you can't protect your
children forever, and they're better off learning life's lessons
sooner than later. Though it can be hard to stand back and watch
your child make a mistake, this will benefit both you and your
child in the long run.
Give up your vices.
Gambling, alcohol and drugs can jeopardize your child's financial
security. Smoking, for example, almost always introduces health
hazards to your child's environment. Second-hand smoke has
been linked to several respiratory ailments in children. It could
also contribute to the early death of a parent. Alcohol and drugs
might also introduce health hazards or violence to your child's
environment.
Don't place unreasonable expectations on
your child.

There's a difference between wanting your child to be a responsible, mature

individual and forcing your child to be perfect or to live up to your idea of what
perfect should be. You shouldn't push your child to get perfect grades or to be
the best player on his soccer team; instead, encourage good study habits and
good sportsmanship, and let your child put in the effort that he is capable of.
Know that a parent's work is never done

Though you may think you have already molded and raised your child into the
person he or she will become by the time your child dons his or her graduation
cap, this is far from true. Your parenting will have a life-long effect on your child
and you should always give your child the love and affection he needs, even if
you're hundreds of miles away. While you won't always be a constant daily
presence in your child's life, you should always let your children know that you
care about them and that you'll be there for them, no matter what.
Warnings
*Do not be afraid to be a parent. Do your best, be their friend, but never let
them forget you are their parent, not a collaborator.
*While praising kids, focus on effort and not end results to avoid raising praise-
junkies.
*Parenting does not stop when a child grows up. Being a good parent remains a
life-long role. But remember that once they become adults, the decisions they
make in life are ultimately theirs with their consequences.
*Do not strictly follow the parental behavioral stereotypes of your culture, race,
ethnic group, family, or other defining factor. Please do not believe that there is
only one way to raise a child.
*Never over-indulge a child. It can lead to stubborn and irresponsible behavior.