Part 2 Objectives to understand the following:

Difference between a pornography problem and

a pornography addiction Seven point plan for recovery Pornography and Homosexuality Obstacles to healing Responsible parenting The role of priests

Porn Problem vs. Addiction

Pornography Problem

Viewing pornography at least once a month

Usually view the same porn Often not premeditated

Little or no craving for pornography

Little or no marked increase in porn use

Porn Problem vs. Addiction

Self-test for a Pornography Problem 1. Do I view pornography at least once a month? 2. When using the internet, do I sometimes end up looking at porn? 3. When porn is readily available, am I more tempted to view it? 4. Do I usually view the same porn? 5. When there is little or no access to porn, do I find myself not thinking about it at all?

Porn Problem vs. Addiction

Pornography Addiction Viewing pornography daily or binging Craving porn needing it to deal with stress, anger, anxiety, etc. Intensity of porn has increased - Soft Core Hard Core, Fetish, Bondage, Violence, Child Porn, etc. Tempted to act out the scenes viewed in porn Becoming difficult to find anyone sexually attractive other than the women in pornography

Porn Problem vs. Addiction

Self-test for Pornography Addiction 1. Do I look at porn at least once a week? 2. Do I regularly look forward to logging onto pornographic websites? 3. Has the type of porn I view increased in severity over time? Soft Core Hard Core, Fetish, Bondage, Violence, Child Porn? 4. Do I look for sexy images in newspapers, magazines, catalogs, billboards, etc.?

Porn Problem vs. Addiction

Self-test for Pornography Addiction, continued 5. Do I seek out sexually arousing programs on television? 6. Do I look forward to going away on business trips? 7. Are there behaviors I cannot share with my wife?

Porn Problem vs. Addiction

Self-test for Pornography Addiction Continued 8. Is getting rid of my internet account something I could never bring myself to do? 9. Do I find my wife less sexually satisfying? 10. Do I have difficulty performing sexually with my wife? If you answered yes to at least five of these questions, you may be addicted to pornography

Seven Point Plan for Recovery

Education/ Protecting the Family Self-Knowledge

Spiritual Plan

Virtue

Purifying the Home

Counseling

Support and Accountability

Self-Knowledge
Admitting that you have a pornography

problem/addiction Realizing that pornography use is a symptom of much deeper emotional conflicts Willing to do whatever it takes to recover Accept that recovery may be a life-long process Committing yourself to the process dont give up!

Purifying the Home

Remove all pornography or sexually suggestive

materials from the home Monitor all media that enters the home Place the computer in a public area of the home Subscribe to an Internet Accountability Service CovenantEyes.com Spouses must have full access to all computers in the home

10

Purifying the Home

Monitor all electronic devices

Cell Phones
Blackberries I-Pods, MP3 Players

Portable Televisions
Etc.

11

Purifying the Home

Monitor all Social Media Email Text Messages Facebook MySpace Twitter etc/. When traveling, choose hotels that do not offer

adult cable channels

12

Support and Accountability

Supportive male friendships with others with

similar problems Helps men achieve and maintain chastity Decreases loneliness Increases confidence Help in growth in virtue Focus on others rather than oneself

13

Support and Accountability

Popular Mens Groups for Men with a

Pornography Problem
Parish mens Bible Studies and Faith Sharing Groups That Man is You parish mens groups The Kings Men Fellowship St. Josephs Covenant Keepers Knights of Columbus

14

Support and Accountability

12-Step Groups for Men with Pornography

Addiction
Stronger level of support and accountability Attend several times a week to start Uses a sponsor Work through the 12 steps of A.A. which have been

modified for sexual addiction Can be used along with other mens groups

15

Support and Accountability

Common 12-step Support Groups Sexahalics Anonymous (SA) Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) Courage Many men struggle with dual addictions, so

other 12 steps group are also used Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Narcotics Anonymous (NA)

16

Counseling
Sometimes needed for a pornography problem

Almost always needed for pornography

addiction Used to identify the emotional, personality and spiritual conflicts leading to porn use Root Causes can be; Selfishness Loneliness Anger
17

Counseling
Root Causes, continued

Anger
Weak Confidence Mistrust of Women

Excessive responsibilities real of perceived

Poor Body Image Permissive Parenting

18

Counseling
Root Causes - continued

Negative Parental Role Model

Weak Spiritual Life Once the root causes are identified, a treatment

plan is developed to heal the emotional wounds

19

Spiritual Plan
Essential for recovery from compulsive/

addictive behaviors Common in 12-step support groups A strong friendship with the Lord in needed Commitment not to offend the Lord Sacraments are needed for grace, healing and strength Helps in growth in virtue

20

Spiritual Plan
Recommendations
Eucharist at least once a week Weekly confession Daily prayer and spiritual reading Daily Scripture study lectio divina

Monthly spiritual direction

21

Spiritual Plan
Recommendations continued
Annual retreats Being active in ones parish A strong relationship with the Our Lady as a loving,

affectionate spiritual mother A strong relationship with St. Joseph as an affectionate and protective father

22

Education/Protecting the Family

Become knowledgeable of the dangers of

pornography and compulsive masturbation Become aware of the resources available to fight pornography Protect the emotional lives and character development of family members

23

Education/Protecting the Family

Teach children/teens about the dangers of

pornography Teach children/teens about healthy sexuality, respect, virtues, etc. Be willing to share with others about the dangers of pornography

24

Virtues
Based on Positive Psychology and the Writings

of John Paul II Permeate and strengthen all other points of recovery Those who strive to live virtuous lives tend to be happier and healthier Growing in certain virtues can help:
Grow in self-knowledge about ones strengths and

weaknesses

25

Virtues
Growth in certain virtues can help: Give greater incentive to purify the home Focus on others for support and

accountability Resolve many of the emotional conflicts that have led to porn use Develop a stronger spiritual life Help protect the family from the dangers of porn and strengthen healthy character development
26

Virtues
Virtues for Selfishness

Generosity: self-giving to spouse and children

Love: for spouse and children greater than self Responsibility: faithful to vows

Purity: to appreciate true beauty

Self-denial/mortification Temperance

Gratitude

27

Virtues
Virtues for Selfishness cont.

Humility
Detachment Faith

Deference
Read the Selfish Spouse Chapter at

www.maritalhealing.com

28

Virtues
Virtues for Loneliness Commit to work on healing family and peer

wounds Commit to work on strengthening marital friendship and love Commit to work on strengthening peer friendships Generosity: cheerful self-giving to God and others

29

Virtues
Virtues for Loneliness, cont.

Hope
Detachment from excessive responsibilities Humility to let go of the need to control

Faith: I have never been alone

Meditate as the Lord as best friend and

brother, Mary as loving, mother and Joseph as protective father in each life stage

30

Virtues
Virtues for Anger

Respect
Compassion Kindness

Humility
Forgiveness Read the Angry Spouse chapter at

www.maritalhealing.com

31

Virtues
Virtues for Confidence Gratitude: for ones God-given gifts and

talents Friendship with peers

A brother strengthened by a brother is like a

fortified city. Prov. 1:19

Thankfulness: especially for ones body Forgiveness: for those who did not affirm you

or damaged your confidence Helpfulness: Daily reach out to help others in need
32

Virtues
Virtues for Mistrust

Commitment: to trust again

See the goodness in others Forgiveness: for those who betrayed/damaged

trust Generosity: Cheerfully giving to others Work on strengthening healthy friendships Daily meditate: Lord, you are the one who keeps me safe
33

Pornography and Homosexuality

A search for masculinity outside of oneself

Used to compensate for deep emotional

wounds Father wound: Searching for the affirmation one did not receive from his father. Peer wound: Searching for the acceptance one did not receive from male peers Poor body image Weak male confidence Mistrust of females
34

Pornography and Homosexuality

Special focus on the following virtues: Gratitude: for ones God-given gifts and

talents Friendships: healthy non-sexual friendships with other men Thankfulness: for ones body Forgiveness: for father and/or peers who did not offer love, affirmation and acceptance as a child or teen Generosity: to combat narcissism
35

Pornography and Homosexuality

Special focus on the following virtues, cont.:

Humility
Faith Daily meditate on the holy family

Mary as a loving, nurturing mother

Joseph as an affirming, protective father Jesus as best friend and brother who has never

rejected you.

36

Obstacles to Recovery
Denial that one has a problem

Selfishness: feeling entitled to view porn

Anger: punishing others Loneliness: few close peer friendships

Friends who regularly view porn

Permissive parents who fail to monitor or

correct

37

Obstacles to Recovery
Poor spiritual life

Lack of faithfulness to vows

Lack of support and accountability Failure to identify and resolve root causes

Negative parental modeling

Excessive responsibilities Lack of virtue in ones life

38

Three Parenting Styles

Permissive Seek to have children as friends Fear of correction Depend excessively on children Often embraces the contraceptive mentality Controlling Lack of respect for children Lack of affection and nurturance Do as I say and not as I do

39

Three Parenting Styles

Responsible

Seek to protect children from the harmful

effects of selfishness Focus on character development Lead by healthy example Not afraid to correct in love

40

Permissive Parenting
Fail to protect children Unable to correct selfishness due to their own
41

selfishness Fosters excessive anger in children Does not present a healthy view of human sexuality Fosters the contraceptive mentality and the sexual utilitarian philosophy Enables the use of porn by failure to recognize its harmful effects Often weak in faith and spiritual leadership

Responsible Parenting
Models cheerful self-giving

Presents the beauty of sexuality within the

sacrament of marriage Sees the other for their intrinsic beauty Unafraid to correct childrens selfishness Focuses on virtues and character development Warns teens about the damage caused by pornography and compulsive masturbation Criticizes the contraceptive mentality in the culture and the sexual utilitarian philosophy
42

The Role of Priests

Be committed to the Churchs teaching on

human sexuality Dont be afraid to teach and preach about it

They (the Catholic faithful) must know that bishops

and priests are totally committed to the fullness of the Catholic truth on sexual morality, a truth as essential to the renewal of the priesthood and the episcopate as it is to the renewal of marriage and family life. John Paul II: April 2002

43

The Role of Priests

Bishop Robert Finn wrote, paraphrasing John Paul

II, that "the problem with pornography is not that it reveals too much of the person (exposed in the image), but that it reveals too little of the person. The person in the image is reduced to their sexual organs and sexual faculties and is thereby depersonalized," Blessed Are The Pure In Heart: A Pastoral Letter on the Dignity of the Human Person and the Dangers of Pornography, February 21, 2007

44

The Role of Priests

"This plague stalks the souls of men, women and

children, ravages the bonds of marriage and victimizes the most innocent among us. It obscures and destroys peoples ability to see one another as unique and beautiful expressions of Gods creation, instead darkening their vision, causing them to view others as objects to be used and manipulated. Those who engage in such activity deprive themselves of sanctifying grace and destroy the life of Christ in their souls. Bishop Loverdes Letter, 2006

45

The Role of Priests

Communicate the beauty and sacredness of

sexuality in the sacrament of marriage Warn of the dangers of pornography and compulsive masturbation Criticize the sexual utilitarian philosophy Criticize permissive parenting and the contraceptive mentality Strengthen Catholic fatherhood Teach that true manliness is measured by ones character
46

The Role of Priests

Consider parish support groups for those men

& teens who struggle with pornography A great source of support, accountability, and community for men in the parish The Kings Men That Man is You St. Joseph Covenant Keepers Knights of Columbus

47

The Role of Priests

Suggestions for what to tell penitents who

confess struggling with pornography: Thank God for your strength in coming forward and admitting you have a problem. This is the first step in your journey to recovery. Youre not alone. Thousands of men struggle with compulsive pornography use. Do you want to be free from this sin? Are you willing to pay the price?
48

The Role of Priests

Suggestions for what to tell penitents who

confess struggling with pornography, cont.: Healing and freedom from sin is possible, but know that you cant do it alone. It requires Gods grace, professional help, and support from other men who understand your struggle.

49

The Role of Priests

Suggestions for what to tell penitents who

confess struggling with pornography, cont.: Here is a card that will direct you to helpful resources. If youre serious about overcoming pornography use, I urge you to explore them. Know that God, the Father of Mercy and Love, will provide the grace to overcome this sin.
Developed with the Archdiocese of New York

Priest Personnel and Family Life Offices

50

The Role of Priests

A true appreciation for love and beauty can

contribute to healing the pornography epidemic Beauty is a key to the mystery and a call to transcendence. It is an invitation to savour life and to dream of the future. That is why the beauty of created things can never fully satisfy. It stirs that hidden nostalgia for God which a lover of beauty like Saint Augustine could express in incomparable terms: Late have I loved you, beauty so old and so new: late have I loved you!. John Paul II, Letter to Artists, n. 16 (1999)

51

The Role of Priests

When beauty is recovered as purity and goodness,

the person rejects pornography because there is no longer an attraction to it. The force of true beauty is great and can, even if slowly and imperfectly, replace the corrupt understanding of beauty. This requires openness to the saving power of God to transform the heart. The realization of a true understanding of beauty restores the sight of man to overcome his concupiscence, to overcome his use of the other as a mere body. John Paul II knew this well when he quoted Dostoyevsky, beauty will save the world. Letter to Artists, no. 16.
Patrick Williams paper on porn, John Paul II Institute

52

The End

53