Improving Interpersonal Communication Skills

Approaches to interpersonal communication: brief background

The concept of communication has evolved throughout the years.

1949 Transmission Models

1962 Linguistic Models

1971 Psycho-social Models

1986 Interlocutive Models

FEEDBACK

INTERPRETER
PARTICIPANT SPEAKER SENDER RECEIVER NOISE

INTERPERTER
PARTICIPANT SPEAKER PERSONALITY
CONSCIOUS/UNCON.

PERSONALITY
CONSCIOUS/UNCON.

MESSAGE CODE TEXT GENRE

SIGNS

SETTING OR CONTEXT

interpretation of a message
Listening and reading

Speaking and writing

reception context of reception

productio n context of production

elaboration of a message A DISCOURSE APPROACH TO LANGUAGE

Task: Think of someone you would like to improve interpersonal communication with in your work environment. It should be someone you interact with on a regular basis. 1. What kind of work relationship do you have with this person: cooperation, interdependence, independence? 2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her? 3. Has there been any conflict with this person? 4. Whats the history behind this relationship? 5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her? 6. Who has the power in this relationship? 7. What are the positive traits you see in this person? 8. What are the negative traits you see in this person? 9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time? 10. How much impact could he/she have in your present or future career?

Consider each communication event as a pearl in a necklace.

email phone call one on one meeting teamwork note fax talk at lunch break online chat group meeting

synchronous and asynchronous

A model for interpersonal communication

Align the horizon Participate in the interaction

Learn from the experience

Pre Setting the ground

1. What kind of work relationship do you have with this person: cooperation, interdependence, independence? 2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her? 6. Who has the power in this relationship? 9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time? 10. How much impact could he/she have in your 10. present or future career?

Pre Some history

3. Has there been any conflict with this person? 4. Whats the history behind this relationship?

Pre What do we have in common?

5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her? 7. What are the positive traits you see in this person? 8. What are the negative traits you see in this person?

Attitude

Airplane pilots often use "attitude" to describe their horizontal relationship with the runway when they land. If their attitude isnt aligned properly, the plane will make contact with the ground at the wrong angle and it will cause them to crash.

STAGE Pre ALIGN THE HORIZON Reflect upon the situation. Set reasonable expectations. Make the right choices of timing and channel.

FOCUS Attitude

STRATEGY Memory: Associate, elaborate, use imagery. Cognitive: Analyze and reason. Compensation: Guess intelligently. Metacognitive: Arrange and plan. Set goals and objectives. Affective: Lower anxiety. Encourage yourself Social: Develop understanding of the situation.

Task
You are in a queue at the movie theater. Somebody comes in and jumps the queue right in front of you. What do you choose to do?
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Nothing. You just bear it. Vent comments out loud such as some people are such/so . but you dont face the person. Face the guy bluntly and furiously, after all who does he think he is?! Approach the man and politely but firmly tell him that he should take his turn at the end of the line. Other

ASSERTIVENESS DEFINITION Assertiveness is defined as behavior which enables people to act in their own best interest by expressing their thoughts, feelings, desires and opinions directly, honestly and appropriately. appropriately.

BIDIRECTIONAL MODEL
OVERT EXPRESSION

ASSERTIVE

AGGRESSIVE

PASSIVE

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

NO COERCION

COERCION

COVERT EXPRESSION

While While
Recognize patters of behavior.
BEHAVIOR PARAMETERS RIGHTS RESPECTED

PASSIVE

Expression -Coercion -Expression ++ Coercion ++ Expression -Coercion ++ Expression ++ Coercion --

Other peoples rights. Your rights None

AGGRESSIVE

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

ASSERTIVE

Your rights and other peoples rights

Task:
This chart (see your handbook) shows assertive behavior and alternative forms of behavior based on the four quadrant model. Classify the following examples of behavior in the right category: manipulation, humiliation, avoidance.
Page in your handbook

Task: Identify three very distinct parts in this fragment.

"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing as soon as you're ready even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave. I know you leave. get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we time. get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time. From now on, let's be sure we know what time we time. want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you come into the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leave and start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remind you of the time, ask you to go to another room, and close the door until I'm ready. I know this is ready. going to seem weird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more over the long run." run.
http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html

 "I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing as soon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave. I know you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time. From now on, let's be sure on, we know what time we want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you come into the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leave and start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remind you of the time, ask you to go to another room, and close the door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seem weird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more over the long run." http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html

While Apply a variety of techniques to

communicate

1. the art of listening

Act like a good listener. Adopt the physical body language of a receiver. Look at the other person. React to the speaker by sending out non-verbal signals. non Stop talking and use receptive language instead. Use the I see . . . un hunh . . . oh really! Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, skip over delivery errors and fight distractions. Listen between the lines to tones of voice. Observe.

While
Apply a variety of techniques to communicate

2. the art of speaking and more

Message pacing and chunking Expressing conversational intent:
Uh...Maria, do you have a minute? Right now Id like to talk to you about... Is that OK?

Non verbal components: Vocalics Kinesics Proxemics Artifacts Touch Smell

While 3. the art of conflict prevention:

What are fire starters? Person centered comments and past centered comments Inappropriate reassurance and inappropriate positive thinking Histrionic behavior (overdramatization) Guilt induction and blaming comments Kitchen sinking Infallibility comments Overapologizing

STAGE

FOCUS

STRATEGY

While

PARTICIPATE IN THE INTERACTION Use your resources: apply a variety of techniques to communicate. Make choices. Stay focused. Monitor

Perf.

Cognitive: Practice techniques. Recognize patters of behavior. Create structure for your input and output. Compensation: Overcome limitations in communication skills. Guess intelligently. Metacognitive: Self monitor. Delay speech production to focus on listening. Affective: Take risks wisely. Take your emotional temperature. Social: Ask questions. Cooperate. Empathize.

To remember
Hostile communication causes inaccuracies. Hostile communication triggers defensive mechanisms. An important sending skill is knowing how to favor disarming language over arming language.

The latter selects more forceful over more moderate words, uses statements rather than questions and when spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations, pauses and other nonverbal messages that convey hostile feeling.

Post
Reflect upon the interaction

Empathy requires that you suspend judgment of another's actions or reactions, while you try to understand them. Sometimes, this will mean reading between the lines of statements made, and almost always it will involve gentle questioning and probing, to clarify what is going on. The goal here, again is to UNDERSTAND, and not judge.
Robert Bacal
.

Post
Cycle
analyze evaluate

Change and adjust expectations

Revise model

STAGE

FOCUS

STRATEGY

Post LEARN FROM IT Follow up Reflect upon the interaction.

Cognitive: Analyze, summarize, and take mental notes. Memory: Review well. Cognitive: Analyze and reason. Metacognitive: Evaluate your learning. Link with already known material. Affective: Reward yourself. Discuss your feelings with someone else. Social: Empathize. Become aware of the others thoughts and feelings.

TEN TIPS
1. Set the ground for communication and align your horizon. Work on your attitude. 2. Have reasonable expectations. 3. Make the right choices of timing and channel. 4. While interacting, use your resources. Apply a variety of techniques to communication: message pacing and chunking, expressing conversational intent. 5. Consider the nonverbal aspect of communication: vocalics, proxemics, kinesics, touch and artifacts. 6. Be the best listener you can be. Be an active and responsive listener. 7. Avoid fire starters such as hot words, overdramatization, guilt induction, blaming, person and past centered comments. 8. Choose to behave assertively. Avoid aggressive and passivepassiveaggressive behavior. 9. Stay focused and monitor. Take your emotional temperature. 10. Reflect upon the interaction and get ready to keep developing the realtionship. Be ready to change and keep exploring.

THANK YOU!