Y MISS PHATHUPAT'S

Juan Crisostomo "Crissot" C. Soto

Y Miss Yeyeng, metung yang dalagang mipnung colorete lupa, ngara qng ding pengari na, bait la qng
metung nang suluc ning Capampangan, at qng palalu nang malating balen; ulina niti y Miss Yeyeng,
Filipina ya manibat qng bitis anga qng buntuc at anga na ing sicoti nang buac, Capampangan naman.

Ing biera deti, anti ning maluca mu, lasa mamagtinda mu, at y Miss Yeyeng marajil de canung acaquit
mamuntuc guinatan o caya bichu bichung pagtinda nang pupuntucan at lalacad, nung nu carin ing
sugalan. Anga ngeni, ala capang sucat panibayuan qng bienang Miss.

Mipayapa ing revolucion, ing Gobierno Militar Americano mibuclat yang Escuelas at memili yang
mapilan caring sundalus a turu careti. Antining y Miss Yeyeng, Yeyeng yapa canita, ala yapang Miss, atin
yang aca "suqui" careting sundalus, o caring maestrong sundalus, pigpilitana niti ing papagaralne qng
escuelang nung nuya tuturu, balang micaintindi, uling ngening misasabila, ing sundalus magingles ya, at
y Yeyeng Capampangan neman, iniapin pigimbutanang matalic ing magaral ya iti.

Mapilan mung bulan, y Miss Yeyeng, sasabi neng ingles, at caras na ning ualung bulan a tapat, qng
capamilatana ning maestrong sundalus, pepatad de qng metung a balen, mig maestra ya carin.

Iniang carine tuturu, sabian pa casi ing pamamaliquid da ding memalen quea, uling acaquit deng biasa ya
mong ingles carela.

Macanian lalabas ing panaun: y Miss Yeyeng bitasang ene sasabing Capampangan, uling ngana
acalinguan na, at ing Capampangan canu masias at mangasaclit ya dila, inia capilan man, eya mitulid a
balid caniti.

Detang culam a macaquilala quea, ngening daramdaman da iti, agad da neng picalbitan, inalilan de
laguiung melaus at ing pemalaguira, ining matni at masalingasang a laguiu: "Miss Phathupat's" laguiung
menibat qng tinauac nang malapad a pilit nang upitan qng corcheng misnang catalic a bibilina, iniapin
ala yang queliuan qng patupat o suman bulagtang matalic a bidbid.

Manibat na canita, iting laguiu mipalacad quea, at acalinguan dang malaus ing Yeyeng a malambat nang
palayo; ing Miss Phathupat's ya ing mipalacad.

Macanian e malambat mibait ya "Ing Emangabiran" pajayagan a Capampangan Baculud at qng metung a
fiesta o velada qng balen X a nung nuya mitagun y Miss Phathupat's, babasan de iti, linapit ya y Miss, at
iniang iquit na ing Capampangan ya, sinibi yang baguia, piling ne ing buntuc na at ngana:

-"Mi no entiende el Pampango."

-"Mi no entiende ese castillano Miss," ngana naman ning metung a pusacal, pequiapusane tonu.

Detang pacarungut mipatiman la, dapot uling maquipegaralan la, agad dang linili't e papajalata qng
malagung Miss; at iti aguiang baluna ing anti reng mumulangan, sinulung narin, at ngana:

- "Qng camatutuana tutucung pagcasaquitan, sabian ing Capampangan at lalu pa nung babasan cu."
Caniting mapilan a amanung sinabi na, linub langan ding angang diccionariong tinda, o ngacu uari, ing
ingles, castila, tagalug a mababang pisamutsamut na, inia detang pacarungut, ere na tutu acauat,
mipacaili lang masican.

Mimua ya y Miss, inarapano ding maili at ngana:

-"Porque reir?"

-"Porque el champurao Miss" ngana ning minunang mequibat.

Lalu nang mesican ing sagacgacan detang maquiramdam, at y Miss Phathupat's mitatas neman a vapor.

Ing metung a macarungut, ngana:

-Eyu pagmulalan qng y Miss, eya biasang Capampangan: muna uling malambat neng maquiutus careng
sundalus a Americanu at ing cadua, ene Capampangan, ing caustana nita ing laguiu na Miss Phathupat's.

Canita memacbung, acbung a misnang casican, mitdas ya ing caldera nang Miss Phathupat's, at quetang
asbuc nang masapa, linual ngan ing lablab ning Vesubio, o ing angang sabing marinat qng amanung
Capampangan bigja na ngang piguisan qng asbuc nang maguing dapug.

-Alang marine! Mapanaco! Manlalasun! Anac p.....! ngana, qng mesabing amanung Capampangan.

-"Aba! Capampangan ya pala!" ngara ding daramdam.

-"Ua, eyu uari balu?" ngana ning metung a macaquilala quea, "anac neng matuang Godiung Cacbung a
cabarriu ch."

Mipasagacgac lang masican ding pacayalbe: y Miss Phathupat's mipaquiac ya canita, at quetang
pamipulis-pulis na qng luanang tutulu, tinuqui ing macapal a blanquete quetang lupana, linto ing talaga
nang cule, matuling yapa qng duat; inia, iniang aquit da iti, lalu lang mipacaili at ngara:

-"Aba! Matuling ya pala!"

-"Ua, Americana negra ya!"

Gulisacan, pacpacan, sagacgacan ing mararamdan canita.

Y Miss Phathupat's ena na abata, linual yang tapatapisung qng dalan at ngana:

-"Mi no vuelve en esta casa."

-"Adios Miss a e biasang Capampangan."

-"Adios Miss Alice Roosevelt!"

-"Adios Miss Phathupat's!"

Macanian yang pisalusalu ra at ing pacacalulung Yeyeng, meco yang bulung bulung con el rabum inter
pernarum.
 This Miss Phathupats
by Juan Crisostomo Soto

1    
Miss Yeyeng was an overly made-up lady.  People were saying, her parents were born in one
corner of Pampanga in the smallest town there.  Because of this, Miss Yeyeng who was a
Filipina from head to foot even to the ends of her hair, was Capampangan, too.

2    
Her people, because they were poor were mostly vendors like Miss Yeyeng who was often
seen carrying guinatan or bichu-bicho on her head, walking to the gambling houses.  For a
long while there were no surprises in the life of this miss.

3    
The revolution died down.  The American Military Government opened schools and chose of
their men to teach there.  Meanwhile Miss Yeyeng…she was still Yeyeng then without the
“miss,” had a regular customer among the teacher-soldiers.  He persuaded Miss Yeyeng to
study in the school where he taught so they could understand each other better.  When they
spoke to each other the soldier had use English to Miss Yeyeng’s Capampangan.  So she
tried hard to study in the school.

4    
After a few months Miss Yeyeng was speaking in English and after eight months with the
help of the teacher-soldier, she went to a town where she became a teacher.

5    
As a teacher she was respected by her pupils for they saw she knew more English than they.

6    
Time flew like this: Miss Yeyeng stopped speaking Capampangan which she claimed to have
forgotten. Since the language was hard her tongue fumbled and she lisped badly in
pronouncing the words.

7    
The crowd who recognized her when they heard her speaking winked at one another.
They changed her name and branded her with the loud and pungent “Miss Phathupats,” a
name describing her wide waist which she vainly restrained with a tight corset so that she
looked like an elongated, tightly wrapped suman.

8    
From then on the name stuck and people eventually forgot “Yeyeng” her sweet
nickname.  The name “Miss Phathupats” came in current use.

9    
Before long the Capampangan newspaper  Ing Emangabiran came out in Bacolor.  At the
fiesta in the town of X, which Miss Phathupats attended, the said newspaper was being
read.  This miss approached a group of readers but when she saw what they were reading
she pouted a bit, shook her head and said:

10 
“I do not understand Pampango,” in Spanish.

11 
“I do not understand Spanish, Miss,” a rogue countered, aping her intonation.

12 
Those in the gathering smiled; but being educated, demurred so the pretty miss would not
notice.  But she, suspecting that they were deriding her, went on and said:
13 
“Actually I have a hard time speaking Capampangan especially when I have to read text.”

14 
In the short sentence she had to use the current words in the dictionaries in English,
Spanish and Tagalog slang which she muddled together.  The listeners could not help
themselves so they laughed aloud.
15 
Miss Phathupats got mad and confronted the people laughing and said:

16 
“Why the reading?”

17 
“Because of your gobbledygook, Miss,” was the first answer.

18 
The laughter of the listeners grew louder and Miss Phathupats’ blood pressure rose higher.

19 
One of them said:

20 
“Do not wonder why this Miss does not understand Capampangan.  First, she has long been
associating with American soldiers and secondly she is not Capampangan anymore.  Proof of
this is her name Miss Phathupats.”

21 
Everything now broke loose.  With the loud explosion the sanity of Miss Phathupats burst
and from her mouth came out all the overflowing fire and brimstone of Vesuvius and all the
dirty words in Capampangan she spat out in a ball from her fiery mouth.

22 
“Shameless, thief, murderer, son of…”, she said in Capampangan.

23 
“Now! She is really Capampangan,” said one quick to react.

24 
“Yes, don’t you know,” said another who knew her well, “she is the daughter of Old Stone-
deaf Godiung, my barriomate.”

25 
The gathering burst out laughing.  Miss Phathupats started crying and in wiping her falling
tears, her thick face powder came off.  On her face appeared her true color, darker than
the duhat.  The spectators laughed louder when they saw this and said:

26 
“Why, she is truly dark.’

27 
“Yes, she is an American Negro.”

28 
Shouts, applause, laughter rose then.  Miss Phathupats reached the end of her rope.  She
staggered out into the street and said:

29 
“I will never visit this house again.”

30 
“Farewell, Miss Alice Roosevelt.”

31 
“Farewell, Miss Phathupats.”

32 
The crowd feasted on her this way.  And the poor Yeyeng left muttering, with her tail
between her legs.
33 
So many are the Miss Phathupats nowadays who do not know Capampangan, or feel
ashamed to use the language once they learn to speak a smattering of English.