Dodiksolehuddin Romanticloveaspath
Dodiksolehuddin Romanticloveaspath
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Dodik Solehuddin
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Adapun bagian- bagian tertentu dalam buku ini saya peroleh dari
hasil karya tulis orang lain, telah saya tuliskan sumbernya dengan
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kekurangannya. Masukan, koreksi, dan komentar dari pembaca
Dodik Solehuddin
iii
DAFTAR ISI
DAFTAR ISI................................................................................iv
PENDAHULUAN.........................................................................1
ARTI CINTA.................................................................................3
FENOMENOLOGI CINTA..........................................................5
PENDEKATAN FENOMENOLOGIS.........................................9
HARGA CINTA..........................................................................29
DAFTAR PUSTAKA..................................................................37
ENGLISH VERSION..................................................................38
iv
PENDAHULUAN
hal juga yang saya pelajari. Ilmu di psikologi menurut saya nyata
komunikasi yang lebih halus dan sopan karena bisa di atur dan di
buat, sedangkan non verbal itu alami, tidak mudah diatur atau
Dari situ juga kita dapat mendeteksi orang itu berbohong atau
tidak, asal kita teliti dan peka dari situ semua bisa terlihat. Orang
dengan jurusan kuliah mereka tersebut. Ada juga teman saya dari
haram, karena di dalam Islam sebuah tambahan itu riba dan riba
konvesional.
sejak kecil kita sudah mengenal cinta. Dari kecil kita di rawat
oleh orang tua kita penuh dengan cinta, karena itu kita bisa
saya tentunya. Dia tidak terlalu cantik namun menarik. Saya suka
proses itu dia menawarkan sebuah status untuk kami berdua yaitu
tidak setuju dengan kalimat itu, karena saya bisa menjalani cinta
saya selalu menjaga nama baik orang tua saya serta mengingat
percintaan yang pernah saya alami. Pada suatu hari saya pernah
sopan santun dan lembut serta terlihat dapat menjaga diri dengan
memilih baju padahal saya memiliki baju yang banyak dan layak,
dan yang terakhir saya jadi peduli dengan penampilan yang rapi.
Saya mulai menjadi pribadi yang rapi agar terlihat menarik. Saya
menikmati perhatian kecil yang dia berikan, dan saya merasa tak
nyaman ketika dia terlihat dekat juga dengan lelaki lain. Saya
saya. Menurut sahabat saya saat itu saya mulai jatuh cinta, dan
emosi (sedih,senang,takut,marah).
yaitu :
1. Objektifikasi
2. Identifikasi
bercanda.
3. Korelasi
kenyamanan dengannya.
4. Konstitusi
yang ada di balik fenomena itu, seperti sebab dan akibat dari
fenomena tersebut.
memandang bahwa di dunia ini tidak ada satu hal pun yang benar.
dipahami, yaitu:
1. Bracketing
2. Intensionalitas
seperti berpikir.
apapun darinya.
yaitu:
1. Biological reductionism
2. Mathematical reductionism
dia selalu lancar dan mulus. Masalah tetap akan selalu muncul,
mendapatkan cinta romantis harus ada timbal balik dari satu sama
merupakan sosok ideal yang saya harapkan, secara fisik dan sifat
Tentu saja hubungan kami bukan hubungan satu arah, kami saling
dan itu berarti belum sah secara agama dan hukum. Karena untuk
adanya timbal balik dari satu sama lain. Saya juga ingin
secara pribadi satu sama lain, bahasan yang kami bahas juga
mengenal satu sama lain. Dia bisa menjadi sosok yang paling
keinginan satu sama lain. Dia menjadi tempat pertama yang saya
yang menyenangkan dia juga yang saya hubungi pertama dan jika
itu bisa di bagi dia juga yang akan saya bagi dan beri. Begitu pula
kebutuhan itu serta rasa aman dan nyaman. Pelukan juga bisa
saya tersenyum dan tertawa setiap hari, apalagi jika itu semua
individu.
dan dia akan merasakan sesuatu yang jauh lebih nyaman. Saat
dan rasa itu bertahan lama, bahkan bisa selamanya, dan tentunya
kejadian itu akan terus di bahas dan berlanjut. Saya bahagia bisa
cinta, kita ingin bergantung pada hal tersebut. Judul dari dua buku
populer self- help, getting the love you want (hendrix,1988) and
cara kita sendiri dan takut bahwa kita akan kehilangan yang
wanita, walau itu hanya teman kampus biasa. Dia seperti itu
Dia sering bilang kangen dan sering mengajak ketemu. Tanpa dia
juga.
diri saya. Saya merasa kalah. Akhirnya saya menutup hati saya
dan saya sempat merasa trauma. Saya merasa semua wanita tidak
adalah bahwa ksatria dan wanita tidak terikat satu sama lain oleh
pacar saya masih pacaran belum menikah. Jadi belum sah secara
agama, hukum, dan norma yang berlaku. Maka dari itu kami
pra nikah karena tidak bisa menjaga hal tersebut. Cinta sejati
jelas. Semua itu dilakukan atas dasar kasih sayang. Menurut kami
akan lebih di waktu yang tepat yaitu ketika sudah sah secara
diri untuk mencintai ekstasi ini. Seperti yang saya alami ketika
namun jujur saja itu membuat hidup saya lebih menantang dan
berwarna.
hal yang biasa bagi kita untuk yang lebih memilih untuk "hidup
tidak aman, dan tanpa pamrih, salah satu yang akan hidup dalam
yang lebih besar dari sifat saling sementara hal dan seluk-beluk
responsif baik satu sama lain dan dengan dunia. Menurut saint
asmara, ego menjadi center, dan ini adalah baik harga dan
lain, dan dengan demikian untuk diri kita sendiri, semua jenis
cobaan dalam cinta yang intens terjadi pada wanita dan pria
sama, dan disiplin diri dan kelembutan yang diperlukan oleh kode
atau tidak ada usaha dan bahkan mungkin merasa seperti tindakan
kasih karunia, kita naif menganggap bahwa cinta abadi harus juga
mudah. Namun, penyair dan orang bijak dari berbagai usia tahu
sulit dari semua tugas kami, tes terakhir dan bukti, pekerjaan
kondisi yang sebenarnya dari diri sendiri, yang lain, dan situasi
hidup saat ini. Melalui menetap dalam situasi seperti itu daripada
romantis
kerinduan
pasangannya.
INTRODUCTION
but not yet taking thesis. My trip in psychology is quite long and tiring,
opinion a real and can be directly applied to my everyday life, but its
was kind of communication more smooth and polite as can be set and
gesture, tone of voice, body language, and eye contact. From whence
also we can detect a person is lying or not, as long as we are careful and
sensitive from it all can be seen. People can set up the grammar and
speech, but can not regulate body language, gestures, and eye
are concerned, but science is not directly related to daily life, especially
1|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
them the. There was also a friend of the Islamic Economy, they studied
the economics of the Islamic side. In the lecture to learn that saving
haraam. Yet the reality in Indonesia is still small Islamic banks, and
Indonesia is not an Islamic state despite the fact that the majority of
Muslims, but there are still many non-Muslims who live and work in
2|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
MEANING OF LOVE
certainly not a foreign thing especially for students like me. Everyone
to now. I remember most about the love triangle theory Stenberg who
boyfriend who is now a former mine of course. He was not too pretty
but interesting. I like to communicate with him, and knew him since I
finally get to know each other and an open, distu nascent comfort. I
think my intimacy began to emerge. Finally, after all the processes that
he offers a status for the two of us are going, I think that's where the
3|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
can live without love includes sexual libido. I have always been able to
keep it even though I really love that person. Because I always keep the
friends because I never kissed I also do not care. But as time went on,
the era has changed. Came the new thoughts about love more
needs they have. The need is exactly what he says has influenced the
needs.
4|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
PHENOMENOLOGY LOVE
sex. I also of course have experienced it all. I'll tell you a glimpse of the
phenomenon of love I've ever experienced. One day I ever meet with
someone, physically he was not too pretty, but she has a special appeal,
the attitude was polite and soft and looks can keep yourself well. At
first I only met the usual, because of the appeal it has prompted me to
know him. The longer I feel increasingly recognize, it was also pretty
good personality.I think he is an adult figure, had 'broad and open, and
her dear family, especially her mother. Without realizing the longer I
was amazed. I even enjoyed the communication with him, even I began
to wait and look forward to a message from him. When he was busy I
choose clothes when I have a lot of clothes and decent, and the last one
5|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
and I felt uncomfortable when he was seen near the well with another
dikampusnya guy friends but they only discuss the tasks and things
around the campus. Somehow when I was puzzled why like that, and
1. objectified
intense communication
2. Identification
6|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
3. Correlation
4. Constitution
7|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
8|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
PHENOMENOLOGICAL APPROACH
phenomenon, but also what lies behind the phenomenon, such as the
that considers that in this world there is no single thing right. There will
always be gaps to deny the truth of something. Idealism holds that truth
exists only in the form of common sense ideas. Truth beyond the mind
understood, namely:
1. bracketing
9|H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h ol o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
2. intentionality
1. Intentionality is Objectification
10 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
identical.
4. Intentionality is Constitutional
11 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
In view of the human being, there are also two approaches are
looked at by the smallest element in his life. Holism in this case the
namely:
1. Biological reductionism
molecules.
2. Mathematical reductionism
12 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
13 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
what I feel. The extent of the conversation of love starts from the
longed romantic love, which makes them happiness, comfort, and have
someone who can be relied upon. I think I was having such a romantic
and my GPA is not too high. She was in a relationship with both,
in their own way. He is willing to take the time and effort to hear every
am also the person who is quite protective, as if he did not realize a lot
14 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
being able to provide comfort to him. I feel very fortunate to know and
to have him. I really feel the comfort and happiness with him. Does not
problem will always arise, but with politeness he has able to assist us in
resolving all the problems that occurred and the circumstances became
15 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
There are four signs of romantic love, the first is to fall in love
with the expected ideal partner. In my opinion, found the ideal partner
sign is not only loved the ideal partner, but the awareness to love each
other is more ideal. I agree with the theory, because romantic love can
not just walk in the same direction, to get romantic love there must be
reciprocal of one another. The third sign, their freedom to belong to one
not bound by the usual norms and social customs. I disagree with this
theory, because in Indonesia has a strong law with the law of marriage
and so on. The theory is not suitable for use with the culture and laws
the country.
But for now I really feel romantic love in accordance with the
16 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
fight together, and we loved each other too. We also trust each
the opposite sex intercourse between us. We also always give time for
couples to spend time with her friends.Do not always have to spend
time together, because we know we are social beings who will need
restraint, and excessive jealousy. Our relationship is just going out and
it is not yet valid religion and law. Due to being the legitimate we
because there are many preparations to prepare for, but for clear
a sense of sincerity and sacrifice. To get the perfect love, the need for
reciprocity from one another. I also want to meet the wishes of erotic
to create romantic love. Examples can be seen here real softness with
17 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
other.
discussed also something light. Over time we've know each other. He
could be the figure who best understand and recognize me. Our mutual
complain, and share something fun as well. When I get into trouble he
what I call first, and if it could be in for him as well that I will share
be so recognized. From the stranger who does not have any influence
relationship I certainly can not get the erotic needs are met like husband
18 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
and wife who had sexual intercourse, but can I get a hug that can fairly
cure for a little take load our problems. But we can embrace just
anyone, only people who love each other and meyayangi who can do
it.
19 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
Words happy and it has the same meaning, but I think they are
pleased when my partner noticed the simple things that I do. And I feel
happy when I see my partner smile and laugh every day, especially if
it's all because of me. Smiles and laughter my partner tucked away in
my ingata also can deaden my emotions when arguing with him. Can
pleasure. Everyone will crave their future happiness with a partner. But
of each individual.
20 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
comfortable. When someone has been able to find his potential and his
deepest identity and then he actualize in his life, then he will be able to
feel the happiness. Happiness is about something that can make it more
and can really we feel. Happiness is owned by everyone. And I'm sure
everyone has felt the happiness and the feeling is different than just
pleasure.
and sometimes, we regret that only meet the desires, without the use of
is a sense of calm, pride, satisfaction, and a sense that last a long time,
even forever, and certainly does not end with a regret, and usually
out, there will be feeling happy because it has been defeated, but the
him. Examples again if we eat as we first did feel good but ended up as
only satisfy lust, when we have a glut, then there will be regrets to our
21 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
hearts. And maybe vent emotions, such as slamming stuff, smashing his
own, hitting the wall, probably every emotion can be satisfied, and
maybe we will feel happy, relieved, yet it was all just to satisfy the lust
it so was mine. My family was happy, proud, and satisfied. When the
one's needs are met. As put it, "happines is the fulfillment of past
satisfaction, rest, and peace (p.241). This is the state of being free from
tension and strife, the resting state that is safe and static rather than
22 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
comfortable at rest.
nervous system, which tend to be towards the break but associated with
the stimulation and erotic desire."Pleasure is let go, open, and leads to
admiration and awe (it) is like living on the edge of a razor" (may, 1981
a dream in the past produced lasting happiness and a deep sleep from
security and relaxation that arise as one that ensures a sense of security
in a person, the pleasure derived from the turmoil that stirs the soul as
victims. To ensure the security of our needs and satisfaction are met,
love, we want to rely on it. The title of two popular books self-
help, getting the love you want (hendrix, 1988) and keeping the love
23 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
you find (hendrix, 1992), captures the aggression (gain) and possessive
time we give hope that relationship will meet our needs for security, we
are also aware of the corrosive cause anxiety and fear losing
the possibility of losing. A relationship that feels like paradise can turn
into hell.
the need for comfort and security are an inevitable part of nature and
on our own way and are afraid that we will lose that give way to
the longing and achieve happiness for ourselves can remain open for
24 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
time with her friends, she gets jealous when his girlfriend along with a
female friend, even if it's just a regular college friends. He was like that
requires his girlfriend to spend time only with her and the
often invites met. Without him knowing all those things that lead to
well.
Jalan romantic love requires that the tension between the desire
conjunction with the equally strong need for security, satisfaction, and
comfort and psychological security. It was not enough to just love and
25 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
be loved by others. We also tend to look for the person to fulfill some
basic needs and emotional, whether or not we admit to our loved ones
agenda, and be armed as the demands can cripple the joy of love freely
exchanged.
For example affection are easy to grow from falling in love can
Like the story I was telling my friend because of love can turn
all men to be around his girlfriend. This makes the couple often
quarreled even once when the woman decided to end the relationship
26 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
violence. But all that drama fortunately only lasted for three
juliet).
I could feel the trauma. I felt that all women can not be trusted. Then I
extend my friendship.
27 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
PRICE LOVE
True love romantic serves to not only meet the personal needs
that arise but its function is also to reduce the satisfaction of passion
rather than inspired by it and purified through it. In its ideal form, a
love affair that was to remain chaste manners as erotic energy between
dragon and get a deep quest. Less know how women sublimated desire,
poetry (eg, Bly, 1995, p.142). The essential point is that the knights and
ladies are not bound to each other by marriage and the family and
security settings that provide this form; but their bond is based on a
commitment to eros itself and orders which eros might make them.
laws, and norms. Therefore we must keep an erotic lust. Do not let pre-
marital intercourse because he could not keep it. True love will be able
always keep and organize our passion. We have clear boundaries. All
28 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
that is done out of compassion. We think that love each other to keep
each other not meet. All it will definitely be at the right time ie when it
with the estasi confusing. Smiling himself to read a message from him,
the heart beats faster when the phone rang and her message reply
peace of my life and it may well make me use the mask initially but
becomes dull and sexual contact has become a routine is not a regular
29 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
foundered because the woman does not want to be invited to have sex,
let alone the guy included experienced guy who quite often do the
the guys are used to perform sexual contact to have fun and for the guy
will remain alive, the price of giving up on love is to some degree, the
loss of one's illusions about oneself and one's world. Love is the knife
through the illusion that we are the center of the world, drove us to an
existence more unpredictable, insecure, and selfless, one that will live
centered way of security gives life a life with greater awareness of the
become more sensitive and responsive both to one another and with the
30 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
world. According saint augustine put is, "eros ... Is the force that drives
undergo the ordeal of ecstasy and romance, ego into a center , and this
awareness and atitude slipped as we slip into, way more numinous less
defined are in the world. We fall into the love and happiness into our
lives that has not been turned, containing impulse "sinister" is not
through the insulating layer of self- image, laying bear the core of our
subjectivity. Love and open to the others, and thus to ourselves, all
incurred. Hidden things exposed, and what has been abandoned will be
confusion, and any other emotional knots of the past lie unresolved in
our hearts awaken, and we were forced to cope with life's tainted
31 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
who face the dragon polite and do a search, we should not let gender
trial in the ways of love allow both knights and ladies to help realize
32 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
GENTLENESS AND
effort and may even feel like an act of grace, we naively assume that
the eternal love must also easy. However, poets and sages of all ages
know different. Rilke (1975) declares, "For one human being to love
another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the last test
and proof, the work is all guns other work " (p. 31). Fromm (1956
further suggests that the main task this is an art that must be learned
of someone to love more fully. In particular, "the main condition for the
also does not refer to specific attributes of women, like the "gentle
33 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
sensitive (soft) with the actual conditions of self, others, and life
discipline, valuable in its own right and as a basis for improving the
romance, calming passion alone is not the ultimate goal. This is only
one leg of the practice of a true romantic. The other leg is longing
lightning rod, and the tension it brings, must remain vibrant and alive
touch but satisfaction does not have to be resolved. Longing for union
34 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
with the beloved must be released for full fire while urging satisfy a
desire and need for security, we must consider the historical assumption
of the age of chivalry that shape and inform the ideas of ro mance and
that for mendpatkan romantic love is not just a myth, but it can be a
way for everyone to get romantic love. It all depends on each individual
how to address the relationship with her partner. In order to meet the
35 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y
F a c u l t y of P sy c h ol o g y – A i rl a n g g a Uni ve r s i ty
Bibliography :
36 | H u m a n i s t i c P s y c h o l o g y